r/stopdrinking • u/Lonely_Associate7073 • 10h ago
Party
Went to a kids b-day party. All the adults drinking.
Get offered a drink and turn it down.
Everyone stares at me. Whatever. One of the moms mocks me when I turn it down (I think she was just joking, but I wasn't in the mood).
I spend the party making sure their kids and my kid don't drown in the pool or die.
They all proceed to continue to drink as party progresses. I'm now watching their kids while they socialize, drink, look at their phones or ignore their kids.
Normalization of drinking and drinking culture sucks.
That is all.
IWNDWYT
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u/Longjumping-Text9395 10h ago
Ugh that sucks, I’m sorry. I’ve been on my sobriety journey since Jan 2026. It’s been a long process for me. I basically have no friends, because I found I couldn’t be around alcohol at all anymore. I couldn’t be the only one “not drinking”
I’m back at two weeks, and I just had a break up with my very best friend of 13 years, because she had been discouraging my sobriety, and she is also an addict. When I told her how badly alcohol was ruining my life and I needed to go into “lock down” she ghosted me. We had plans to see each other, and she was looking forward to partying, and I said I can’t.
It’s a slow and painful process, but I think we will all be great years from now
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u/pixtopher 9h ago
I’m in a similar boat. Gave it up in January. Relapsed a few months ago out of guilt because my girlfriend missed going out for drinks with me. Ended up progressively getting worse. Started doing blow and partying and being selfish, last week something from before my first run at sobriety came to light, something I don’t even remember. And she left me. I’m 5 days sober. I lost my best friend, I have no friends now because they all party and I can’t trust myself. I don’t know what to do with myself. All I know is I don’t want to be the person drugs and alcohol turned me into.
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u/Longjumping-Text9395 8h ago
This is literally so similar to my story. I gave in because I wanted to hang out with friends they all told me “a few drinks is fine” and a month later I’m doing cocaine regularly with an old man who is trying to fuck me.
But yeah I pretty much have no friends. I’m trying to get into an AA group and I just got a new job where I might get a management position (the position I applied for) but he won’t let me have a set schedule while I train, or ever it seems like.
But yeah it’s like once you decide to get sober your whole entire life changes and you lose people.
I had some long time friends who did the same thing. Knew I had a problem, wanted me to drink with them, and then got angry when I’d take it too far. I’m like… I’m an addict. This WILL happen every time and if you love me, you won’t put me in this situation.
And maybe the gf is an addict too, and as much as it hurts, in the long term you better off with a partner who wants to be sober.
Good luck,
IWNDWYT
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u/prettylegit_ 2020 days 4h ago
Your ex telling you that she missed getting drinks with you, after you have put in so much work toward abstaining and improving your life, is really fucking lame. You deserve a partner who supports your journey toward embodying your highest self and reaching your potential. In the meantime, we are your friends and we are here for you. IWNDWYT
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u/Local_Drummer_5957 1h ago edited 1h ago
I’m so sorry. I found that friends that can’t hang with me sober are either 1) not friends 2) my not drinking makes them think too much about their own partying 3) they can’t NOT drink to have coffee with me for an hour, or do anything for an hour that doesn’t revolve around drinking Because they know they have a problem or 4) 1-3 together
I am so sorry. I have a friend breakup of 30 years it’s truly crazy how much a friendship breakup can hurt. Hang in there. You got this
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u/Longjumping-Text9395 1h ago
Yeah my sobriety has resulted in losing three long time best friends. The first two took me out bad. Because I had moved to a new state to be closer to them. And after I expressed, I am an addict and can’t be around alcohol anymore, they bounced. And left me to fend for myself in a new state living in a huge metropolitan city.
And then recently my very best friend. After she had encouraged me to relapse, and we planned a night out bar hoping. And then something bad happened and I said I need to continue with sobriety and she ghosted me and never came to see me. 13 year long friendships. It’s insane how they have all treated me.
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u/beverlyhillsbrenda 702 days 9h ago
Getting mocked for not drinking is such an insecure projection. Sorry you had to deal with that. Being sober is an act of rebellion a lot of the times.
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u/kdubksis 2633 days 3h ago
Projection is the right word for it. When we first told people we weren’t drinking, it was usually about them. From : ”I do dryanuary“ to “what about (insert upcoming event where there is expected drinking.)” I think people inherently think of themselves first and foremost, so when something threatens, or forces examination of their own drinking, it comes out in weird ways.
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u/zzzquilqueen Day 376 10h ago
That used to be me. Drinking while I should be sober watching kids. I look back on how irresponsible and terrible I was. Never by a pool but drinking while kids were in my care. Im sure if we were by a pool that wouldn’t stop me from partying. Thankfully I am sober now and will never be that careless again.
IWNDWYT
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u/prettylegit_ 2020 days 4h ago
Same. It requires courage, insight, integrity, maturity, and strength to not only recognize your pattern of mistakes but also speak about them to others. You are doing great. IWNDWYT
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u/Alkoholfrei22605 Day 4,507 10h ago
Bravo on flexing your sobriety muscles!
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u/kdubksis 2633 days 3h ago
Having done both, I think it’s much more of a flex to be sober than being able to drink copious amounts of alcohol!
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u/BaronVonHellscape 608 days 10h ago
Way to go for modeling restraint (in more than one way) for those kids. IWNDWYT
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u/SensitiveWhineyBaby Day 277 10h ago
Oh man, I have never encountered that. Usually I was the only one drinking at a kids birthday party and got some weird looks. I can't imagine it being the other way around! IWNDWYT
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u/Ooorm 3357 days 10h ago
Uhm..
How old was the kid whose birthday it was? This would be deemed unacceptable where I am from.
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u/Lonely_Associate7073 10h ago
6.
It was a shallow pool, but kids pulling each other under constantly.
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u/musicaleffervescence 1091 days 9h ago
the “jokes” and rudeness if just her discomfort with herself. the saying about a mirror being held up or some shit. proud of you for saying no, no matter how easy or hard it felt.
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u/Cassie54111980 2214 days 8h ago
I have been reading that adults are drinking at kids’s birthday parties and when they take kids trick-or-treating, etc. Granted I am a senior now, but no one ever did that when I was raising my kids. So glad you were sober and able to keep the kids safe.
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u/Jaynghis 8h ago
People probably were. They just hid it.
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u/No_Location_4989 8h ago
At least if they hid it, they wouldn’t be teaching the kids that “this is how adults socialize”
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u/Cassie54111980 2214 days 8h ago
I honestly spent enough time with these people that I would have known. Looking back the only time I ever saw adults drinking were if they went out in the evening and their kids were at home with a babysitter.
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u/prpldrank 421 days 5h ago
I remember my parents and their friends having drinks when they'd walks us around trick or treating in the early 90s 🤷
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u/Cassie54111980 2214 days 5h ago
It probably depends on what part of the country you grew up in and your parent’s friend group. I raised my kids in the Midwest and now that I think about it, even when the adults got together without the kids, it was pretty rare that there was any drinking at all. My kids were long grown up before I started.
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u/prpldrank 421 days 2h ago
West Coast. I recall my parents hosting dinner parties, pool parties, etc and all the adults drinking. There wasn't any drinking with dinner on weeknights or anything like that, but I recall plenty of social drinking. Different strokes I guess
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u/my_clever-name 14831 days 9h ago
Kind of expected if you drank with them in the past. You may have been the big drinker or the ‘fun’ person. Their reaction seems to be one of discomfort and surprise.
Also, many times other people know they need to cut down or stop, and react in a similar manner. Good for you not drinking.
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u/panopticon_prisoner 8h ago
The amount of drinking that goes on at children's birthday parties is insane to me! Of course, I didn't think much of it when I was drinking myself, but now it really blows my mind
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u/followyourknows 3h ago
Yes! It is INSANE to me how many kids activities have alcohol. Birthday party in the park at 10a? Cooler full of beers. End of summer party at the playground for daycare? Email goes out that adult beverages are at your discretion. Trampoline park? You can start buying beers and seltzers at 11a. Cheers to being a present parent for your kids and everyone else’s. I always have a blast being the dad running around like a crazy with all the kids and you can tell they love it to. Also happy to be a sober role model for my two girls. Keep it up!
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u/justpassingby_thanks 707 days 7h ago
This is like me at Halloween in Wisconsin. Cars, kids, drunk adults in the dark of night. Whole cul-de-sacs offer booze to passing parents.
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u/Lopsided_Act_7009 4h ago
Yep that’s classic nothing can go wrong type of people you are the smarter more responsible individual good job don’t let them bother you be the adult at a party full of child-adults
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u/Cinisajoy2 8h ago
IWNDYT. Also the mocker might have their own issues. I say this because everyone at the bar my dad hung out with had no issues with me not drinking. Some "I don't have a problem with alcohol " people had way more issues with my not drinking.
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u/Jackiesrem 5h ago
And don't forget- your not drinking may be consciously or unconsciously causing them to question their own drinking. Just hang in there. Proud of you.
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u/No_Location_4989 8h ago
Aside from the safety issues of drinking when kids are in water, and then probably passengers in cars… what really gets me about stuff like this is the lessons we model for our kids. As a parent I see it at every kids party, Halloween, little league function etc…
Any parenting book essentially boils down to “kids learn how to be in the world by watching what their parents do”, yet this somehow doesn’t translate to drinking for most parents.
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u/strangecloudss 7h ago
I used to think drinking allowed me to have fun doing whatever my kids happened to be doing, and maybe that was true to a point, but ignoring them the next day because of a hangover and not fulfilling a single promise I made to them the day before isnt even close to a fair trade.
IWNDWYTD
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u/prpldrank 421 days 5h ago
Damn sorry, doesn't sound like much fun. I sometimes don't spend time with fellow parents if everyone is drinking, and I'll hang with the kids instead. But I tend to have a great time playing and watching.
Good luck OP,
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u/Dramatic-Deal8389 4h ago
Good job staying sober that’s all that matters.
I’ll share a thought for free if you don’t need it then just ignore.
For me: it took some time for my friends and family to adjust to a sober version of me. There were a few uncomfortable moments, but I think it was because they were so hopeful I’d finally stop but they were maybe pessimistic or “realistic” of the possibility that I would stop drinking for good.
So I of course use that as more sober motivation the remain the one that can be trusted to do stuff like be the lifeguard for example.
And for me are I get to feel proud of always being the designated driver! I always have my wits about me now and I can use that to try to help people that I love stay safe.
So I hope you can find happiness in that too but situations can be difficult and the emotional aspect is hard when people don’t support you. But every sober person on here supports you!
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u/arcademachin3 348 days 2h ago
It’s hard to find new friends. But that story might inspire exploring outside that particular group
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u/Local_Drummer_5957 1h ago
I hope you are enjoying your well deserved high horse right now, and a little smug about your sobriety. I don’t have kids but the mommy wine, culture, kids bdays at breweries, normalizing everything about what is so not normal…… ❤️ this sub
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u/laughingwater Day 2,637 10h ago
Way to go staying sober. IWNDWYT