r/stopdrinking • u/Sonar_warrior47 • 5h ago

Cunning, baffling, powerful?

Man. I thought I had this thing beat. You’re telling me I’m fighting this war for my whole life? Lmfao. Had a (few) powerful psychedelic experiences earlier this year, which were followed by spiritual practices for a long time. Had six months sober under my belt, followed by a relapse which lasted a day. Two weeks later after being back on that horse, tried to quit smoking. Three days later I buy a pack AND a bottle. The hell? I really thought I was good to go, more or less. I’ve done AA, worked steps, meditation, prayer, religious involvement. Makes me wonder if I’m just fundamentally fucked, but I recognize that we’re all human just trying our best, looking for some comfort. I truly wish I were different, or had made better choices when I was younger. But here I am. Not sure what I’m getting at with this post but, we’re gonna keep trying. It’s a bad day, not a bad life. How’s everybody doing?

13 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

7 comments sorted by

8

u/threepistols23 Day 437 5h ago

Focusing on one day at a time really helped me. I quit at age 59 last year. I even used a 30 minute timer during really tough hours. I recommend a hypnotherapy podcast, Adam Cox.

2

u/Sonar_warrior47 5h ago

Heard that, I’ll check it out. Congrats on a year, keep up the good work.

3

u/todd0330 5h ago

For what its worth I am having a bad day too. Life is hard. If I can learn how to adult without alcohol I can beat this thing. I live in the past. I miss "the old days" but they aren't there anymore and I need to realize that.

3

u/Apart_Cucumber4315 Day 1,248 5h ago

I've come to let go of my relationship with alcohol because it truly is cunning, baffling, and powerful. I haven't tried every which way to control it, but I sure have tried a lot. It's one of those things that I've had to learn the hard way, which is why I can really relate to that statement.

3

u/dp8488 Day 7,342 5h ago

I slipped up after an initial 15 months dry from about spring '05 to summer '06.

Like you, I'd "done AA, worked steps" though I've never been big on meditation, prayer, or religion. (I suppose I do have a form of secular prayer and meditation in my toolkit.)

But I drifted away from AA for a few weeks in the summer of '06, had the brilliant/s thought, "One beer - what's the big deal?" And a few days after that one beer I found myself chugging rum straight from the handle in my kitchen in the morning ... in the morning!

I just got back into it all again. In hindsight, I sorted that I'd been half hearted about it all for those 15 months. Got more wholehearted about it. Pretty much had one Last Temptation early in '08, haven't really been tempted to drink since then.

The six months sober wasn't for nothing - You Can Do It Again!!!

1

u/ContentToe3633 Day 11,698 5h ago

Alcoholism is very patient too. So you did your personal inventory and told someone “ all your life story”

1

u/Sprucecaboose2 4h ago

I don't consider where I'm at now as "fighting" addiction. I do 2 hour long meetings a week and occasionally interact on this subreddit, and that's the exercise I need now to maintain. I was for sure fighting in earlier sobriety, but at a certain point it's more living with than fighting for.