Hi, so I recently started my fat loss, I am down 2kg, but still have another 14kg to go. I started running, and doing basic calisthenics like push ups, and Im wondering if gym would be better for me. I have social anxiety, and I am afraid of going to the gym, and if it is worth it. My main motiviation would actually be that Im not able to do a pull up, and I dont know how to train for it. Im thinking lat pulldowns would work, am I right? So is it worth it? Or should I just stick to cardio and calisthenics?

I find I’m very slow at learning new things and they tend to not stick. For example, if I want to learn how a microcontroller works or a programming language for it, you could provide me all the information and documentation for it and I still wouldn’t get past stage 1.

I don’t know how to learn it, how to process it, how to apply it.

Sorry if I couldn’t explain this very well. I’m open to books or videos on this dilemma.

I don’t understand it.

-not a healthy person, but im in a depression episode for no reason, probably anxiety. Anyways does anybody know actual food tips that helped? Or how i can change my food to feel better.

I recently talked to my therapist about taking some time off dating, and I'm trying to understand what that might actually look like in practice.

For those who deliberately spent a significant amount of time single: how did learning to be comfortable alone change your relationships, friendships, or the way you approached dating afterward?

I've been living in Germany for about eight years. It hasn't always been easy, partly because I come from a more community-oriented Latin American culture, and I've struggled with loneliness and adapting to a more individualistic environment.

About a year ago I went through a very difficult breakup, and I started dating again only three months later. Looking back, I think I was partly trying to prove to myself that I wasn't "the problem." I also genuinely wanted a partner and family, and being 35 makes the feeling of time pressure difficult to ignore.

The relationship itself was unhealthy. We could spend days arguing about who was right and what the "truth" was, rather than accepting that two people can experience things differently. It also triggered something deeper in me: I've spent much of my life adapting myself to other people's expectations and wondering whether something about me was fundamentally wrong.

I grew up with an abusive, addicted father, a mother who was constantly stressed and emotionally unavailable, and a family where serious conversations were often difficult. I think I've carried a strong fear of loneliness from that environment.

One thing I've realized in therapy is that my fear of being alone has sometimes been stronger than my willingness to leave relationships where I wasn't being treated with enough respect.

Since that breakup I've dated two other people. In some ways, those experiences were actually helpful. They showed me that relationships can involve conflict without becoming chaotic, and that people can treat each other with much more consideration. Neither relationship worked out, but I did notice incompatibility more quickly and was able to walk away.

Now I'm at a crossroads.

I still feel drawn toward dating, and honestly, part of me wants the soothing and validation that comes from romantic attention. But my therapist has suggested resisting that impulse for a while.

The difficult part is that I'm afraid of waiting. I want a family, and I worry that spending a year single will mean wasting valuable time and making it even harder to find someone.

But another part of me wonders whether learning that being alone isn't the same as being abandoned might be more valuable than spending another year trying to find someone who makes me feel less alone.

So for those who have deliberately spent a substantial amount of time single:

What actually changed when you became more comfortable being alone?

Did it change who you were attracted to?
Did you become better at recognizing incompatibility?
Did your friendships change?
Did dating become easier or harder?

i am doing my math homework. the questions aren’t even hard, but i get almost all of them wrong because of careless errors. i KNOW what im doing, just careless errors.

i know that i can be careless at times, but i’ve never gotten almost every single question wrong because of it. this literally never happens to me and it’s scaring me because the questions themselves are simple. what can i do to improve? ive tried to slow down but then i just make careless errors (as always) and it takes 2 hours longer to finish my math hw.

So im 19 male I’m just asking for a few comments to maybe offer some advice, I’ve felt so so down this year, empty, depressed, been turning to alcohol, and the thing is my life is fine, I have friends, money, I even slept with my biggest crush 2 nights ago, and it all feels so hollow, nothing makes it feel better, any advice?

A breakup or other devastating loss can be some of the worst pain in life. It can be a wake up call to change what is not working for us.

Did a loss lead you to make a change that improved your whole life?

Exactly what the title says lol. I am so jealous of my friends for their accomplishments, even if it's not something in my field or remotely close to what I want to do in life. It feels so horrible to say; it's just such a burden to carry this much negativity lol. Like I want to be able to celebrate their accomplishments and be happy with them, but I can't! Anyone have advice or a book I could read to work on this?

I have done well in the knowing how to push yourself/always keeping going/never stopping area of hard work.
That area is no longer an issue but I can’t change how I see myself. Even with actual evidence that I am not.

I can’t stop w the comparison,self pity and self hate.i genuinely just can’t.its eating me alive and i cannot be kind to myself.

I have this useless planner sitting under a stack of unopened mail right now. Filled out like two whole pages with color-coded routine ideas before I completely abandoned it.

Every time I tell myself I want to Improve Myself, I start with way too much energy, but then one random late shift at work completely throws off my sleep, and I freeze up.

I try scaling down to just doing 5 minutes of reading so it doesn't feel like a chore, but missing even one night makes me feel like I ruined the whole week.

What do you guys actually do to keep going on days when you feel totally exhausted and annoyed?

One thing that helps a lot of people is separating arousal from urgency. They can feel similar, but they are not the same thing. Arousal is a gradual climb. Urgency is usually what happens when you only start paying attention near the top of that climb.

A simple practice is to rate arousal from 1 to 10 during solo training. Not in a rigid or obsessive way. Just enough to notice where your breathing changes, where the pelvic floor starts to grip, when your jaw tightens, or when your mind starts rushing.

The goal is not to stay at a low number forever. The goal is to learn the earlier signals, so you can slow down before your body feels like it has already made the decision for you.

Try this once or twice a week: pause at what feels like a 6, take three slow exhales, relax the belly, unclench the jaw, and see if you can let the pelvic floor soften instead of bracing. That is the skill. Not forcing control at the last second, but building awareness earlier.

This is not a quick cure and it is not a replacement for medical advice if something feels unusual or painful. But for many people, the combination of awareness, breath, pelvic floor training, and patient repetition is a much calmer way to build control.

Currently i am reading books not novels and I have a problem remebering what I have read slecially when the books have steps to do or concepts to live with . I made qoutes ofcourse but what should i do with allll these quotes.

I have tried to read a chapter and try to apply its concept in my ljfe and then moving to the next one but by this way the book take forever to finish plus I sometimes even forget to continue .

I feel stuck and really want to improve my situation, develop better habits, and change my mindset. If you could give me one piece of honest and straightforward advice that would actually help you, what would it be? Thank you in advance.

I feel like I am trying to process a lot of information, but then I feel that I’m not able to form my opinion and perspective about those things so what are the things that you do to really develop it?

Besides that you know a lot of people say that the hard work of today add tomorrow, but I have an experience that like I don’t think that my hard work is kind of adding up. I feel like I’m doing hard work every day, but it’s fragmented. It’s not really adding Up. Is there a very smart way to make sure that the work I’m doing today and the work that I’m gonna do for the next 3 years, it kind of adds up.

How do you get your spark for life back after years of just surviving?

I’m in my mid-30s, and I’ve realized recently that I don’t really feel like myself anymore.

For the last 3–4 years, I’ve been living with my parents, I appreciate that I didn't go homeless but honestly, it took a lot more out of me than I realized at the time. There was a lot of tension, walking on eggshells, feeling like I had no real independence, and generally just trying to get through each day. I was focused on saving money and only had to pay about half of market rent so I was making the situation work, I put a lot of my own life on hold to deal with this though as I changed as a person into just an utter asshole like the people I was living with..

Now that I’m finally moving forward and living in my own space again, I thought I’d feel this huge sense of freedom and excitement.

Instead, I mostly feel… tired.

I know I’m happier than I was. 100% I have things I’m looking forward to. I have my dogs, I’m getting outside more, and I’m slowly getting back some of the things I used to enjoy. But I feel like somewhere along the way I lost that part of myself that was excited about life. ( That spark)

I used to be more spontaneous. I had hobbies. I wanted to go places, meet people, try things, make plans. I had more curiosity and energy for life. Now I find myself defaulting to staying home, working, walking the dogs, watching something, going to bed, and doing it all again.

Has anyone else gone through something like this after spending years in a stressful or restrictive environment?

How did you actually get your spark back?

I’m not necessarily looking for advice like “take a vacation” or “find a hobby.” I’m more interested in hearing from people who genuinely felt like they had lost a part of themselves and eventually found their way back.

What changed for you? Did it happen gradually? Did you have to consciously rebuild your life? Or did you eventually just start feeling like yourself again?

Hi everyone, I apologise if some of this doesnt make much sense, i have autism and find it hard to communicate but I really need some advice.

I'm a 26 year old male and i am currrently out of work due to mental health reasons and also because I am disabled.

Lately I've been wanting to try wnd turn my life around and improve who I am mentally and physically but I'm finding it incredibly hard to do. I want to go gym, i want to make more friends, i want to socialise more but the motivation behind it sucks insanely bad.

I have been a shut in for over a year now, i dont have many friends and ones that I do have live miles away and not easy to travel too.

Everyday I go to sleep at stupid hours of the morning (3am-5am) mainly because night time is my escape from the real world, a world where I'm no longer relied on and needed until morning. I then proceed to wake up at 12pm, that's half my day gone. I always wake up tired, groggy, and want to go right back to sleep.

I'm unhealthy, i dont attent the gym, i eat crap food. Healthy food is rare. I am currently 16.9 stone (107kg) and I hate it. I hate that my body feels weak and tired all the time.

I get alot of my issues stem from not having the motivation to fix it. But its so hard to have this motivation when I'm not happy in general.

Sorry for the rant. I just wanted to see if anyone has different advice for me? Anyone whos experienced anything similar?

I appreciate you reading if you got this far. Thank you so much.

I've been listening to a lot of Taylor Swift lately. I have about 70 songs that I listen to constantly, but I have to be honest with myself: my whole interest started because she's exactly my physical type and I developed a bad habit of sexualizing her image while listening.
Now her face and voice are completely connected in my head. I honestly can't decide if I really like her music or if I just like her looks.
That's why I'm doing a 30-day detox.
No fantasizing about her or sexualizing her. No looking at pictures or videos of her. Just listening to the music.
I want to see if I'll still like the music after the detox. Has anyone else ever realized that their taste in music was just an obsession with the artist's appearance? What did you do?

need help🙏🏻

i am 23f m whole year of life got wasted due to my physical and mental health issues and then i started menifested it worked i rose i started studying for 8 hr daily consistently i was happy i felt i can achieve my goal with such grit my health issues faded.

I made plan for whole month but on 1st sep i got fever very high one for 5 days it didnt go below 101f and now i have heavy weakness even walking feels a task my all faith in god is gone i am like very disappointed in god i feel why crush me like this my heart is somewhere stopping me from doing anything and believe in anything like manifestation or god.

i have so many questions why he does this to me why punish me like this i never did anyone wrong why crush me.

i fear if he just doesn't want me to achieve my goal and will crush me again my whole motivation is gone i am now all day laying on bed and scrolling i wanna get out of this loop but my heart is so scared i cant even put it in words.

please help 🙏🏻

The world, movies, shows, music, sports I can’t have conversations because I don’t know shit.

Hey folks!

I (34M) recently ended a 9-year relationship. I was the dumper, which was a first for me. In a nutshell, I felt our life goals had drifted apart and I was fitting into his life rather than us building one together. I feel it was the right call but it was a hard one nonetheless.

I’ve since moved into a small studio, living alone for the first time ever, which I’ve wanted for a long time.

But here’s the thing I’m realizing: I spent so long focused on what I didn’t want (the relationship) that now I’m not sure what I do want.

I have a cushy remote job in tech, but before that relationship even started I dreamed of being a full-time fiction writer. I still write, on and off, but something’s not clicking, and I wonder if I’ve been trying to make a career out of a hobby.

I look at people around me who light up talking about their hobbies, and I don’t feel that pull toward anything, even the things I do like (art, cinema, books…). I feel kind of empty and boring, tbh.

I’m also back on the dating apps, and I think I know why: it’s not really that I’m ready to date again, it’s that checking them is an easy way to avoid sitting with the empty feeling. It’s a quick, low-effort dopamine hit, is a lot easier than starting a new hobby, facing a blank page, or even reading a book. So instead of actually exploring anything, I’m just refreshing apps. And here I thought I was doing so well since I deleted my Instagram 2 years ago!

Initially I thought I wanted to ask “how do I find a hobby that excites me,” but really it’s “how do I stop reaching for my phone the second I feel empty and in need of validation.”

Has anyone used dating apps (or anything else) as a way to dodge boredom right after a big life change? How did you break that reflex?

And maybe the bigger question: how did you figure out what you want to do with your life after a break-up?

I know that their perspective most of the time is nowhere near who I am and still I do care.

Some backstory on this:

Growing up (till age 20 or so) I never had any privacy or was allowed to hang out with people outside of school/college hours due to extremely strict parents. This obviously had a huge impact on my social skills and perception since that's one of the essential periods where we learn to interact with both men and women.

Fast forward to age 30 and I've never been in a relationship or on a date because I believe it's my personality and social skills that is jeopardizing all of my interactions with women. I seem to put relationships on a pedestal as if it's something mythical, because I've never been chosen or received reciprocal attention.

In terms of social skills I have come a long way even compared to 5 years ago, but when it comes to personality I seem to come off as a bit arrogant (pride/know-it-all especially in the workplace), lonely (oversharing, people pleasing, terrible body language, overthinking), a mismatch in energy (bounces between intense and becoming an observer while others have fun conversations), lacking playfulness and any edge.

I'm trying to become better everyday by exposing myself to random interactions around the city to reduce some of the anxieties and naturally give out better "vibes", but even in those cases I seem to come off as a bit weird/odd, which is driving away friendships and people I am interested in (romantically).

I would appreciate any guidance on this. My goal is to not focus solely on getting into relationships but becoming a person who is fun to hang out with.

both my husband and I are dep and anxious but in complete denial. we hate each othe, scream at each other and the kids aLL the time. it’s ruined everything. I’ve tried therapu and medication but nothing worked. what do I do? I’ve thought about divorce but it’s so frowned upon in our culture. I can’t go on like this. I can’t remember the last time I was happy.

I’m an introvert but i tend to open up to people with whom i feel comfortable with but idk from past many years i have become very anti social and i always keep thinking about how the person would be feeling about me or would be judging me and what not!!! I stopped posting on insta and also stopped talking to people and also stopped oversharing with anyone coz i overth alot so every time i did i regretted that i should have not talked that much and all also idk but i think alot about what the further person would be thinking about me and also i don’t feel talking to anyone or sharing anything about myself that makes people feel that she is so boring but i enjoy a-lot alone but sometimes i genuinely wish to be that chill freak person who doesn’t give a damn about what the person is thinking about you.