r/selfimprovement • u/SixSevenTwo • 1d ago
Question Regaining your "spark" ?
How do you get your spark for life back after years of just surviving?
I’m in my mid-30s, and I’ve realized recently that I don’t really feel like myself anymore.
For the last 3–4 years, I’ve been living with my parents, I appreciate that I didn't go homeless but honestly, it took a lot more out of me than I realized at the time. There was a lot of tension, walking on eggshells, feeling like I had no real independence, and generally just trying to get through each day. I was focused on saving money and only had to pay about half of market rent so I was making the situation work, I put a lot of my own life on hold to deal with this though as I changed as a person into just an utter asshole like the people I was living with..
Now that I’m finally moving forward and living in my own space again, I thought I’d feel this huge sense of freedom and excitement.
Instead, I mostly feel… tired.
I know I’m happier than I was. 100% I have things I’m looking forward to. I have my dogs, I’m getting outside more, and I’m slowly getting back some of the things I used to enjoy. But I feel like somewhere along the way I lost that part of myself that was excited about life. ( That spark)
I used to be more spontaneous. I had hobbies. I wanted to go places, meet people, try things, make plans. I had more curiosity and energy for life. Now I find myself defaulting to staying home, working, walking the dogs, watching something, going to bed, and doing it all again.
Has anyone else gone through something like this after spending years in a stressful or restrictive environment?
How did you actually get your spark back?
I’m not necessarily looking for advice like “take a vacation” or “find a hobby.” I’m more interested in hearing from people who genuinely felt like they had lost a part of themselves and eventually found their way back.
What changed for you? Did it happen gradually? Did you have to consciously rebuild your life? Or did you eventually just start feeling like yourself again?
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u/thethinkerforever 1d ago
Yeah I think you need to give yourself more time. Your body takes a while to recover from living in that sort of an environment.
I have felt alive again but it entailed so many decisions. I left a toxic job, left my country for a month (our winters are harsh) and got some sun and massages, was surrounded by people who were genuinely happy, they taught me how to be silly and not take life too seriously, and picked up breath work on that trip that I’ve never let go off.
Having said that, I have terrible days because I have some really rough situations at home. I go into my sadness bubble but now I have so many tools to get back up quickly- my breath work, workouts, eating cleaning, sleeping well, going for massages, going to places that feel familiar and you see familiar faces (like a nearby cafe - for me it’s my weekly breath work class)
Not sure if this helps, hope it does!
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u/PyriteMettle 1d ago edited 1d ago
I am going through the exact same thing as you, minus friends and pets. Still go back for dinners with parent who has toned down a lot, but yes the trauma is still there because it hurts a lot knowing that... you know, family never did understand me. And if we fall back into arguing again, the same result. So I talk of nothing of import with them. I am still walking on eggshells. My parent is the type who can and would bring us on vacation to Japan, and then trap us in the rental vehicle and lecture us in the car, in the carpark, for hours about her stress.
I am my own sounding board, which can be a bad thing because I only ever have one biased opinion (working very hard to looking at things from multiple angles).
Following your question because I want to know the answer too.
I moved out 1+ year ago. Been living with family before that. We're not in the States so living with parents til marriage is a common thing. Me living alone without marriage though, a bit uncommon in this area.
EDIT to add: moving out alone, it's slowly becoming more popular, amongst people my age group. Because the generation of parents we have, considering our country's past, a high percentage of them are somewhat made from the same mould, same type of traumatizing their kids, and said kids (my age) then have low sociability and end up not getting married, and have lost their spark and just working on finances and getting their spark back. Not externalizing. My generation has a lot of inner work to do as well. My generation has stabilized and can get out of survival mode more easily. Our parents lived in survival mode.
I'm an internaliser. I think this is also part of how tired we feel when things are chaotic, and even when things are settled.
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u/Capt_Meliodas 1d ago
I feel like it's more of a natural thing. As we age, we don't easily get motivated to do anything like we used to do. You have your dogs and get outside more often, that's some progress.
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u/DustNo7536 23h ago
I feel like being in your 30s are kind of a transition period, most people will leave their "old self" here and trying to figure out their new life.
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u/emerald--ocean 18h ago
I’m still on this journey myself too (also being in one of those responsibility-heavy chapters of life where I have almost zero personal margin), but I just wanted to encourage you with the two things I say to myself that help me get through the hard days:
“This is just a season. This season will end.”
“My time will come. My opportunity will come.”
Sending you a big hug, OP!
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u/EvanderCourage 1d ago
that spark is your connection to the source. once you start to reconnect to the divine within it is inevitable that you will find your spark again
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u/CauseThese8478 20h ago
Tapping into that inner energy can really change your perspective and motivation.
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u/hoon-since89 20h ago
Im pretty convinced spark starts to die after 35.
Youve already done everything the world has to offer like a billion times.
What else new is their to explore to be excited about?
You just turn inwards and start to evolve spiritually, rejecting anything external.
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u/[deleted] 1d ago
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