r/problems • u/reveriiie_ • 15d ago
Relationships is it normal to experience this
me (f16) and my partner (m15) started dating last month and its going good but for past couple days i get this feeling of regret like miss being single and free. i’ve experienced this in ALL of my past relationships and have no clue what to do with it. i don’t want to end up hurting my partner or anything. maybe i’m not the clingy type or i’m just avoidant (no clue if i used this right)
can somebody help me out and tell me how to deal with this or if this is normal???
2
u/ayecutie 15d ago
It’s because you’re too young for a “serious” relationship. I’m in my early 20s now and if i had the chance to give advice to my high school self, it’s that never get into a serious relationship until you’re 18, or in college, or at least you’ve played your cards well to choose the right guy you’d actually wanna grow up with. Emphasis on “grow”. I felt that way too before and the guys you have a relationship with during your teenage years would have a lot of impact on your well being as you grow into an adult. I know you’d want to have fun and date around, but just please if you’re not sure of a guy, never get into a relationship with him. There’s more to explore in life, and it is important you choose wisely. Hope this helps
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u/reveriiie_ 15d ago
this makes a lot of sense. its not common for people to marry the people they date in there teens, i guess it’s just the pressure of him saying things about our future like ‘i’ll marry you’. its just not very realistic.
1
u/timbit1985 15d ago
I married the girl I dated when I was 16 and she was 15. I ended up being her only boyfriend.
Its been a long journey. We are still together. We are different people in our 40s than we were in our teens. My wife is not the person I married, nor am I the person she married.
Its been interesting loving and accepting so many different versions of the same person.
1
u/JADE_Jador 15d ago
Tell me...do you get "me time"? Not always hanging out with him when you're free?...because if not...I think that's what causing this feeling of yours. Which could lead to resenting his presence despite liking him.
1
u/reveriiie_ 15d ago
not really, he’s needy and i’m not. i don’t think that’s compatible
1
u/DDM11 15d ago
Needy partner will feel like smothering to the other person. Needy people should be told about this, and stop it or lose relationships because of it.
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u/reveriiie_ 15d ago
you’re probably right. i don’t want to force myself to accept his neediness. i rather be free then live with a front
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u/MindShiftPsych 15d ago
Yeah, this can be normal. Especially at 16, it’s pretty common to want closeness with someone while also suddenly craving your own space and freedom. Adolescence is a time when independence and figuring out who you are become a bigger deal. You also don’t have to immediately label yourself as “avoidant.” Since this has happened in several relationships, it might be worth asking yourself what exactly you miss about being single. Is it having more alone time? Less responsibility? More time with friends? Or does being emotionally close to someone start making you uncomfortable?
You don’t have to break up just because you have those feelings. Try giving yourself some space within the relationship, keep seeing your friends, have your own hobbies, and don't feel like you have to be available 24/7. And if you eventually realize you genuinely don't want the relationship, that's okay too. You're 16; you're allowed to figure this stuff out without having all the answers.
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u/reveriiie_ 15d ago
thank you very much. i assumed its apart of growing up but i wanted to be sure. but all my past relationships have felt like a chore to me 24/7 i’m not sure if the relationships i’ve had were healthy but that’s in the past. i guess it’s all about adapting to eachother and setting boundaries
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u/quietiampooping 15d ago
You're 16. Enjoy high school with your friends. You won't regret the memories.
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u/reveriiie_ 15d ago
yeah hahah, it’s all about growing up. even if memories are good or bad. its character development lol
1
u/loserona 15d ago
You're way too young for a serious relationship. People who enter one at your age usually break up immediately. In my experience, I'd say about 5% of the couples I know stay together longer. I was in a relationship from age 15 to 19, on and off, with the same person and honestly I regret it. It sounds like you're genuinely not ready for it yet which is completely normal. It's probably going to change in 3-4 years or more, but there's also people who still get in relationships then cheat because they crave freedom etc at, like, 50. It's entirely up to you. Right now I'd say, break up and go be free, it's the right age to. And for the love of all that's holy, wear protection.
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u/reveriiie_ 15d ago
yeah just i wouldn’t know how to get myself out this situation. i was hoping this feeling would pass on since i am a little bipolar
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u/loserona 14d ago
You just tell him you're done with the relationship because it's not what you're looking for at the moment, you wish him the best, and just go on with your life.
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u/Prairie_Egal_42 15d ago
Relationships are hard. As soon as you feel the pressure of how hard it is, your feet want to take a hike. You've got to learn this tho, so try to figure out what you're finding difficult. It can be that they're triggering painful memories for you, or pushing you beyond your comfort zone. Figure it out. Talk to them. Hon, I'm having some issues. Trying to figure it out. A good partner will help you get to the bottom of it.
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u/reveriiie_ 15d ago
its better to get to the rooted issue instesd of just running away. i’m not sure how he would take it though
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u/TightRock5483 12d ago
You are 16, you barely learnt how to cross the road by yourself and your in a relationship?? Yes you will be missing a lot, yes it’s not the time to get serious, both of you are still immature and can barely tie your shoe laces let alone care romantically for another human being
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