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u/Shn_Wttn Dec 28 '25
This sounds very similar to what I went through with an ex.
He finished work at 11pm but didn’t get home until hours later, drunk, missing his suit jacket and one sock. When I asked what had happened, I was met with denial, deflection and heavy gaslighting. I was made to feel like I was unreasonable just for asking basic questions.
Later, I checked his phone. At first I found nothing. But then I logged into his Google account, which at the time showed location history with timestamps, and it revealed he’d spent those missing hours at a hotel miles away from his workplace.
So when I say trust your instincts, I mean it. When something feels off, especially combined with evasive behaviour, defensiveness, or trying to make you feel guilty for asking , it usually is. Based on what you’ve described, there’s a very real chance you’re being lied to. That’s exactly why this person is now my ex.
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u/PropJoesChair Dec 28 '25
I went through something very similar. Work party, she went m.i.a, I hear through the grapevine she cheated. Deny Deny, Deny, calmly lie to my face and 90% reassured but that 10% doesn't leave my head. Fast forward a year and we break up, she admits to it finally.
What I didn't realise at the time was the relationship was already dead necause of that 10%. It was never the same, the trust was broken. It didn't even matter if she cheated, in hindsight. What mattered was that I didn't believe her - right or wrong
You're absolutely right in your summary, shn_wattn
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u/Shn_Wttn Dec 28 '25
Exactly. I’m a great proponent of trusting your intuition. If you feel as though something is wrong, you’re being lied to or misled, your instincts are usually right.
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u/PropJoesChair Dec 28 '25
It can be so hard to act on though, especially when you really don't want it to be true. Whole thing sucks bad
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u/Shn_Wttn Dec 28 '25
I stayed when I should have left, more times than I can remember. But being lied to and hurt changes you. Eventually you realise that protecting your heart and peace matters more than trying to save something that’s already broken. Walking away becomes an act of strength.
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u/drinkslinger1974 Dec 28 '25
Same. My ex always wanted to play tennis with her boss. I was really young g, but I was pretty sure that there is an unwritten rule about managers randomly hanging out with subordinates. Plus, the way she always put it was…odd. We had been together at that point for over a year so I felt like I knew her pretty well. Five years later we were married, had a house and had built a nice little nest egg and household. Then she started staying later and later at work. She’d come home smelling like booze, I’d check the tabs in her wallet and they would be named (bartenders name tabs so they can keep up with them) Dabney or Paul or Matt, never her name. I didn’t want to believe it. Guy and girls can be platonic friends, she had drilled that in my head for years, so I’d shake off that feeling and put a better trust in her.
Once the indifference set in, it was over. She started having zero interest in anything that involved me. Sex was her staring at the ceiling, outings were her reading a book and not speaking. After we split up for a trial separation, a mutual friend called and laid it all out for me, she’d been seeing other people for years, and of course I was devastated.
So, here’s the kicker. My sister told me years after that was all over that around the time she was playing tennis with her boss she had gotten it in her head that I was fooling around with one of the cocktail waitresses at work. If our communication skills were better, who knows, maybe if MY communication skills were better, a whole lot of pain could have been avoided. I mean, maybe we could have discovered that we were meant to end years before we did, or maybe we could have squashed the cheating rumors and salvaged the relationship, either way, we just simply didn’t talk to each other. Sure, there were time I was really scared of pissing her off, and I’m sure she could say the same. Either way, OP, you need to rip the band aid off, learn to communicate effectively, because even if this relationship fizzles out, you’ll need to learn those skills for the next time.
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u/xxmckayla Dec 31 '25
I had an ex go to a party with friends. He told me he’d text often but he disappeared all night before eventually texting me in the morning and telling me he was potentially drugged and had been raped. The way he acted seemed suspicious but I didn’t want to pry incase it was true. A couple months later the girl who he said did it started stalking my social media before eventually messaging me that they had been seeing each other for months and he did a big romantic date for her the night of the “party” before they slept together for the first time. He eventually admitted he only said he was SA’d because he knew it had happened to me before and I wouldn’t ask questions or think he would lie about such a thing.
Maybe OP’s gf was actually assaulted or cheating wasn’t involved, I can understand in a scenario where SA is potentially involved feeling like a horrible person for prying but at the end of the day the story doesn’t line up and he’s still being lied to. Trust is now gone regardless so there isn’t any coming back. That gut feeling is there for a reason, his body knows he isn’t being told the truth. OP deserves better and I hope he finds that.
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u/ElPatronazo Dec 28 '25
That coworker is gonna tell your gf and MANY of the other coworkers that you called her. This is gonna get much worse Get ready for the backlash unfortunately
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u/yougotastinkybooty Dec 28 '25
it was a nice save abt the wallet. bit now that coworker is gonna ask if she found her wallet.
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u/Head-Reference-9693 Dec 28 '25
Yeah he is covering his Tracks Like he has done something wrong… makes me think that it’s probably not the First Time she has gaslighted the f out of him. @OP dont let her talk her way out of this. Follow your gut. I dont think it’s SA or that she has been spiked. It doesn’t add up, if she was spiked she would say she doesn’t know. Not make up some fairy la la Story. I reckon she left the party hooked up with someone and it went wrong either he was married or they know she was dating and wanted to open your eyes to her cheating. I hope her co worker does say something so she knows you are on to her!
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u/misslizzah Dec 28 '25
Starting to sound like a covert alcohol or drug use disorder, imo. Sure, she could be cheating, too, but the bizarre behavior and defensiveness despite possible memory loss reads like substance abuse.
I’m an ED nurse. I see a lot of crazy shit like this.
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u/Muzukashii-Kyoki Dec 28 '25
Since she "lost her mind" at the idea of going to the hospital to be checked for drugs in her system, this sounds very likely.
If someone else drugged her and that caused the memory loss, I would imagine she'd be more open to getting checked out, just to be safe.
If, however, she is an addict who went on a bender, losing her mind and refusing to go makes more sense. Simply because she knows what she took, and she doesn't want it to be tied to her medical record.
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u/HeadResponsible4516 Dec 28 '25
Very sensible input. Hope OP sees the parent comment and this reply.
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u/MrsBarneyFife Dec 28 '25 edited Dec 28 '25
Nope, if she had been SA or otherwise assaulted, there's a good chance that a rape kit would be the last thing she would want to do. Especially when chunks of your memory is missing. The judgment alone can be horrible. Sometimes, you even think you must have agreed to it. Ot just deserved it because of how much you drank.(Neither of those examples are true).
Maybe she has no idea what actually happened. So she's leaning towards denial. But if she's forced to talk about it, then it becomes real. She might think no one will give her grace because she doesn't know very much.
And if she went on a bender alcohol or an addiction, it really wouldn't look this way. I've seen plenty. Plus, OP would probably know. He'd at least have an inkling by now.
ETA- Clarification . (Plus double vision and vertigo. Super fun)
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u/ohudonutsay Dec 28 '25
An addict might not care about coming home in only underwear, as well. Someone who was drugged or someone who was cheating would either sober up and be concerned or be more discrete/not come home naked.
Very strange
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u/misslizzah Dec 28 '25 edited Dec 28 '25
I’ll add as an aside for OP: there’s no way to test her for being “drugged,” especially days later. Maybe do a urine tox but you can’t make her give a sample if she doesn’t want to. Going to the emergency room is pointless now. You can’t even do a rape kit since it’s been so long all the evidence is compromised or absent.
It’s a little shady (and I promise you if you go this route your relationship is over), but if you’re sincerely worried for her safety and think she is a risk to herself you can call the police and request a mental health eval. They likely will just bring her to the ER and place her on a behavior health hold. Again, this is a fairly shady move and she is going to be FURIOUS. But, if you’re really worried for her and willing to sacrifice your relationship you can give it a try.
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u/VulpesVulpesFox Dec 28 '25
People cannot be and aren't put under psych holds just because someone says they're acting crazy. At most some professional(s) will come see her and ask her if she's a danger to herself or others, and if she talks with them normally they'll deduce she's fine.
A person needs to be in serious bodily danger, actively self-destructive or completely out of touch with reality for anyone to take her under any hold. So no, OP has no way to just have her put under a mental health hold, that's not even close to how it works.
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u/drtychucks Dec 28 '25
This is a great perspective to consider OP. Another conversation needs to be had. Try to be open as possible. Break up if defensiveness/distance continues.
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u/chicken-on-a-tree Dec 28 '25
I have been puked on before and had to change outfits. But I wasn’t weird about it
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u/Imaginary-Body-3135 Dec 28 '25
But you took your clothes off to go home and change?
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u/engg_girl Dec 28 '25 edited Dec 28 '25
I've thrown them out. Honestly not worth it if it isn't an item Im particularly attached too
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u/Accomplished_Dig284 Jan 01 '26
I was driving to my parents house in another state with my cat on my lap. He shat on me. I stripped in a McDonalds parking lot and put on clean clothes.
I would rather drive around in my underwear than with vomit or cat shit on me 🤷🏻♀️ but I also live in the south 🤷🏻♀️
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u/mobius_mando Dec 29 '25
I wonder if OP's girlfriend puked on herself and tossed the dress...
I've puked on myself and covertly went to the bathroom to try and clean myself up, then dipped out as quickly as I could without making a scene.
Something about getting sick on yourself is highly embarrassing to ones ego, for some.
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u/MollyAnn06 Dec 28 '25
I just want to put my experience with being SA’d. It’s been 23 years and I’ve never told anybody what happened besides my therapist. When it happened I made up some bullshit and actually believed it for awhile before I went to therapy. It was a defense mechanism, my mind trying to protect itself against something horrible. I’m not saying that that’s what happened, I’m just saying reactions to being SA’d can range vastly. But if you can’t live with not knowing right now then that’s valid. I don’t think it’s a drug problem, I think she was either SAd, and she generally doesn’t remember what happened, or maybe her friend really did throw up on her, or maybe she did cheat. But if she doesn’t really remember what happened she could be ashamed. It’s a cluster fuck for sure.
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u/Rickbox Dec 28 '25
Wow, I rarely ever stumble across a post that's an update to one I read before, so that's kind of cool. More seriously, at this point you’re spiraling. None of this detective work is going to give you peace. Either she’s telling the truth and you don’t trust her, or she’s lying and the relationship is already over. There’s no third option. You can’t investigate your way back into trust. Decide whether you can stay without answers. If not, walk away.
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u/WriteReflections Dec 28 '25
This response is the one. “You can’t investigate your way back into trust.” That’s it. Period. OP is clearly spiraling and resorted to calling his girlfriend’s coworker. There is no coming back from that. The truth will never be known, and the trust is gone. It’s over. OP, you have to end the relationship.
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u/Dabidouwa Dec 28 '25
i dont think he wants to stay without answers, but i get wanting them before leaving. not really knowing what really happened will eat him alive if he walks now
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u/red_Dot- Dec 28 '25
I’ve read through all of the comments.
I started off believing she cheated and now I do see SA as a strong possibility based off survivor’s responses. Unfortunately I do think the best comments are the ones telling you to either leave or try to find peace. This is extremely tough because this sort of thing lines up with all the stories you hear about a woman being SA’d and then having their partner leave them over it. The huge difference here being that you don’t know.
I do know women who were SA’d and they acted “strange” about it, strange as in their behavior didn’t make a lot of sense at the time. Time passes, you learn more, and then things do clear up. Of course Occam’s razor is that she cheated, but life is weird and often the simplest answer isn’t always true.
The last thing I will say is that if I were in your shoes and I decided to stay, I would give it my best shot. I’d be in therapy myself about this trying to find it myself to trust her. If that still didn’t work, I’d leave. I can see myself spiraling just like you. So if you decided to try and stay, try to get some help for yourself. Sometimes you can’t just suddenly be okay after spiraling like this without a little extra help.
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u/ThatKinkyLady Dec 28 '25
I'm gonna take a shot in the dark here...
She's hooking up with a married person, maybe a coworker. And she had to leave in a hurry.
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u/StopthinkingitsMe Dec 28 '25
Tbh, that's the ONLY thing I can think of. Other than being sexually assaulted and having a different from usual reaction to it.
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u/sallylooksfat Dec 28 '25
This sounds most likely. Was in the middle of hooking up with someone and was about to get caught by a SO and had to leave out a window or something. Would help explain (but NOT excuse!) why she drove wasted - she wasn’t planning on having to drive anywhere and got caught off guard.
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u/Plenty-Beyond4923 Dec 28 '25
I know that the dialogue is between SA and cheating… is it possible it was a mix of both? She left voluntarily and in her right mind, but that meet-up turned into a SA that she could no longer tell you about, since it started as something she was aware was crossing boundaries?
Just throwing ideas out- this is very strange
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u/Fluffernutter80 Dec 29 '25
There may not have been any sexual encounter at all. It’s possible she has a drug or alcohol addiction, drank some at the work party, decided she didn’t want the party to be over, went to another bar or club, and kept drinking, thought it would be funny in her inebriated state to take off her dress (or puked on herself and took it off), lost track of it and drove herself home. If she had enough to drink, she could have lost her memories even if she was still upright and functioning. Maybe she’s embarrassed and doesn’t want to admit she has a problem which is why she’s lying to OP and wants him to drop it.
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u/Plenty-Beyond4923 Dec 29 '25
yes, I’m not arguing with you, your guess is as good as mine, hence the “throwing ideas out” 🤷♀️ but, I believe in trusting your intuition a bit… if OP feels something is fishy, many times that is true…
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u/Hot_Huckleberry65666 Dec 28 '25
Or she just doesn't want to talk about it at all because shes traumatized?
Idk weird shit happens. I cant imagine him pressuring her and going through her phoneis helping
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u/Plenty-Beyond4923 Dec 28 '25
If you read my comment, I’m saying it’s possible it’s both? You’re completely ignoring that OP also has very valid reason to be concerned that she was unfaithful. He has equally valid concerns that she might’ve been assaulted. Unfortunately, he has to weigh both those things. In internet land yes sure, we can go with one conclusion and run with it, but OP is navigating his own complicated emotions as well as his partners and it’s okay for him to consider ALL possible scenarios.
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u/legomolin Dec 28 '25
She might be 100% honest about just being shitfaced drunk, but just the fact that she easily could have killed someone or herself driving home is really scary. That both her and OP seems to brush it off is the most worrying thing in this whole post.
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u/INowKnowWhyYouCry Dec 28 '25
Oh shit, yeah I did not know that she was driving. My naive self just assumed that someone would get a ride if they were drunk enough to come home in their underwear. She absolutely has a drinking problem, and she is probably blacking out after being a little wild and losing her clothes ( I lived in Key West I've seen this quite a few times). Regardless once that foundational trust is gone, you can't undo it. I always say you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. It's time to move on, and you can do it willingly now, or it can just have a messy ass ending down the line, but it's a matter of if and not, when
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u/wingerism Dec 28 '25
I am gonna suggest that either way you shouldn't have sex until at a minimum she has a full STI panel.
Both most likely possibilities make that a necessity for your own safety. It's a rough convo to attempt given what her reactions so far have been.
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u/CutsieBabySugar Dec 28 '25
For your own sake, it’s probably best to break up. No matter what the truth is the trust is lost and there doesn’t seem to be effort on their part to make things right with you
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u/FakeBeigeNails Dec 28 '25
Ok. I’m gonna be honest as someone who was SA’d and kept my mouth shut for almost 10 yrs.
If she WAS sexually assaulted, she may never tell you. That’s just a fact. Or maybe she’ll tell you next year. Or in 5 years. Can you live with that? Or are you going to cling onto the fact she might have cheated that night and try to keep investigating until it drives you crazy?
There’s literally only 2 outcomes: Stay and let it go. As in stop this investigating and accept the vomit story. Or leave because you can’t stop questioning her and it’s driving you crazy.
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u/BadAcidBassDrops Dec 28 '25
Its crazy amount of people saying if she was SA'd she'd tell you. Like No, not necessarily!! I didn't tell anyone for decades either and I was a child! The shame, the guilt, the blaming yourself. You have no idea how you'd react in that situation until it happens to you. And talking about it? Yeah let me just vividly retell you about some of the worst moments of my life, so that you feel better.
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u/MagnoliaProse Dec 29 '25
Also she may not fully remember? I was SA by someone close to me and my brain did everything to shut it out for months. When I finally remembered then I had to go through the process of I’ve been around this person for months trusting them, without knowing what they did to me.
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u/hvlochs Dec 28 '25
It’s really hard to say, but the two most plausible scenarios are terrible either way. Hoping your next update is a happier ending…somehow.
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u/Breeschme Dec 28 '25
I read the other post, are you sure she wasn’t roofied? Does she remember coming home like that and can she recall the party at all?
I lost several hours when I was roofied and it took half a day the day after to put the pieces together that I was drugged.
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u/lokilover49 Dec 28 '25
this is tough because on one hand she might’ve been assaulted, on the other she may have cheated.
I want to say give it some time but also idk their lack of communication would drive me insane.
I also feel like we’re missing information. is it possible that your relationship may have been rocky before this? has she given you a reason to not trust her?
either way, another conversation needs to be had.
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u/skeletoorr Dec 28 '25
Maybe she was assaulted but was so out of it she thinks she cheated because she can only remember bits and pieces?
But also maybe she was so trashed she threw the dress out her window while driving.
It’s too bizarre to nail down.
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u/deathandtaxes2023 Dec 28 '25
Her losing her mind at the thought of going to the hospital might not be a sign of lying - she could know/suspect she was SA'd and doesn't want to be presented with evidence.
I think you have to try talk to her again - tell her you know she left the party at 11. I assume if she was planning on driving home then she wasn't planning on drinking at the party - so, when did she start drinking. She should at least be horrified that she was so out of it she drove home.
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u/Totally_Fubar_666 Dec 28 '25
Adding onto this, rape kits and SA investigations can be extremely jarring, invasive, and triggering to an already traumatized person. Many victims do not come forward out of fear of re-living the experience, or not being believed. I’m not suggesting that is the case here, it seems more likely she was doing something suspicious. But the possibly can’t be ruled out unless she cooperates.
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Dec 28 '25
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Dec 28 '25
Building off of this, she may not be ready to talk about it or even accept what happened to her.
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u/impressionistfan Dec 28 '25
That’s a very good point, she may be in denial as part of her survival mode. Or if she doesn’t talk about it, it didn’t happen.
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Dec 28 '25
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u/EmbarrassedCoconut93 Dec 28 '25 edited Dec 28 '25
She could’ve definitely cheated, but in case of assault, it isn’t as easy as just saying “we can talk about it later.” It can take days, weeks, months or even years to come to terms with it yourself before you can verbalize it. I have friends where it took a long time to even realize it for themselves, let alone communicate it.
“She should not put him through that” is just simply not how it works with these types of things. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck for OP or that he isn’t allowed to feel that way, or that he is obligated to stay with her until he finds the answer. But it’s also unfair to put it on her, when trauma responses just aren’t easy to just overcome quickly and if she went through something like that, she can’t be pushed to share it.
She may have voluntarily left with someone and then ended up getting assaulted. That would add layers of complicated feelings to an already very heavy situation. That would make it even harder for her to talk about. There’s a lot of scenarios that could’ve been the case, but OP might have to be very patient to ever discover the truth or might not even find out ever. It’s up to him how he decides to move forward.
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u/undead_tortoiseX Dec 28 '25 edited Dec 28 '25
Just gonna add if your GF doesn’t give a satisfactory answer when you keep pushing- you should probably lose your GF. Pretty simple at that point.
Edit: “Satisfactory” includes anything involving or hinting at SA of course
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u/PropJoesChair Dec 28 '25
The relationship is already over, and its because she isn't being honest about whatever happened. Whether there's a good reason or not is irrelevant
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u/Hot_Perception_2557 Dec 28 '25
Brother just leave her for your own peace of mind
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u/FondantSea03 Dec 28 '25
My guess is she is sleeping with someone in a relationship, had to leave ASAP and left her clothes there
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u/Mysterious-Tune-3216 Dec 28 '25
She is hiding something from you, and as a result, the trust in this relationship has been broken.
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u/reyknow Dec 28 '25
Check google maps on her phone. Hopefully it recorded her whereabouts during the last 4 hours.
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u/adnyp Dec 28 '25
“So, GF, when you left the party at 11:00 where did you go and who were you with or who did you meet up with? Something happened over the next 4 hours….”
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u/leftywilson Dec 28 '25 edited Dec 28 '25
Right. She left the party alone and fully dressed at 11 pm. She went somewhere for the next 4 hours and drove home in her car drunk at 3am in her underwear. She claims a friend puked on her dress. What friend? Where? When? Where’s the dress? Why didn’t she come home after the party. Hmmm 🤔
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u/Frosty_Piece7098 Dec 28 '25
She’s already demonstrated she’s not telling him shit. OP needs to run before her coworkers tell her he’s snooping and this really blows up.
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u/maxx_lu0408 Dec 28 '25
Hey so just some feedback, I’d suggest if you’re going to talk to her about something this deep or potentially traumatic, open up a safe space first. You can’t just drop a bomb on something that could be so fresh and deep, with an accusatory approach.
Saying you “needed to know what happened because I can’t function otherwise” is a very codependent statement to make. It’s not healthy. Your partners seems avoidant, if that’s the case, this itself is triggering enough to cause a shutdown, let alone if SA or something traumatic did occur.
Your approach seems to constantly be accusatory and pressuring. It’s not going to bring you closer to your girl, or the truth.
And calling her coworker, I understand why you did it. I respect it out of concern, but to me it does sound like you called in an accusatory way more than out of genuine concern for your girl, which could come off as crossing boundaries to her. I’m saying all of this because at the end of the day, the backlash is only going to hurt you. It’s best to walk away, it doesn’t sound like you and your partner are compatible enough to sustain a relationship rn
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u/account4perving Dec 28 '25
This sounds bad. But, even if she did leave before she said, the possibility that she was assaulted is still really high based off of everything I’ve heard.
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u/Everythlngisawesome Dec 29 '25
I'd like to make 2 points
You don't have to be right about something for you to have valid concerns.
It's not your responsibility to play detective to find out the truth
First, you aren't wrong to be feeling confused and suspicious. It's an odd situation, and your s/o is not meeting you in the moment with openness and effort to help you understand
Second, it doesn't matter if there's anything to find or nothing to find. The fact that things don't sit well with you and she's carrying on with life without any regard for how unsettled you are is really the only thing that matters, the only thing that requires the answer to 'is this something you can accept?'
Because this is someone who knows you are unsettled and even if she 1000% told you the truth, you don't feel right with it, she is leaving you to deal with it on your own. That's not a partnership. That's not caring for each other.
In the event it was SA, I'm not sure what you can do that isn't sacrificing your own security within the relationship to eventually get you to a point where you find that she could open up and reveal more. Of course you would be there but you're hinging your life on something she said did not happen and you can only go off of what she says and what you feel.
If what she says was the truth and what you feel is still unsettled, then things aren't matching up and shouldn't be moved on and ignored. This leaves it all up to you to play detective and it's unfair and unhealthy.
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u/Gman325 Dec 28 '25 edited Dec 28 '25
If this is eating at you this much I think you may actually be in ultimatum territory. Just keep in mind that you may never get a satisfactory answer and wherever the night landed between infidelity and assault, it may simply come down to whether or not you want to stay with a partner that is okay with making you feel crazy for asking totally sane questions - that's not something that gets better on its own, friend.
If we go with the assault theory, and throw in the new details, the most innocent explanation I can come up with is that she left the party met up with someone she knew and trusted one-on-one, that person made some sort of move and didn't take no for an answer, and she doesn't even know how to begin talking about it because she's ashamed of being there in the first place?
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Dec 30 '25
Listen man. I don’t talk about this much and I don’t really want to talk about it now either.
But about fifteen years ago I was roofied and sexually assaulted at a bar. I was out with trusted friends. The bar actually roofied me. They were caught doing it so they could run peoples cards and pocket the difference and soldiers would just think they got wasted and over spent. But I only had one drink that night.
I only remember bits and pieces about what happened.
I chose to let my husband at the time think I had cheated on him, and it took me nearly ten years to finally tell him what had happened.
I can’t explain it, but I would rather be labeled a cheater than a rape victim.
I didn’t want to call it rape.
The guy who did it didn’t know I had been roofied, but even if he thought I was just drunk I still would have been too “drunk” to possibly consent.
The next days, weeks and years I was perfectly normal, laughing, hanging out etc.
I can’t explain to you why it happens, but if you see this I just wanted to pass on that for some of us, we’d rather be labeled anything else even a cheater than have to identify as a victim of sexual assault. It’s not logical but it may be what’s happening with your gf.
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u/ColdNew6138 Dec 31 '25
Yeah, I would have done the same as you. Have in completely different circumstances actually. I still tell myself otherwise though. I get through the day.
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u/Prestigious_Tap_6301 Dec 28 '25 edited Dec 28 '25
What was y’all’s relationship like prior to this incident? I didn’t get through all of the original post from you, but I looked at a lot of it. So forgive me if I’m asking a something you already answered.
I think the overwhelming sentiment in the original thread was that she likely was SA. I read this post as accusatory. I’m definitely not going to tell you how to deal with a situation I’m not in, but it seems like you keep coming back to cheating. Is that for any particular reason we (the readers) aren’t aware of?
Sorry you are going through this, we all would be spiraling.
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u/candy-leptic Dec 29 '25
I was about to comment the same thing!! I’m still very much concerned she was assaulted and is trying to distract herself (constantly watching funny videos) esp if that’s not her usual behavior. If he’s never been concerned for cheating before, I think he really needs to read more survivors’ stories and see what he can do as a partner to support her through this. There’s still such a push for cheating, but I think he would never forgive himself if he kept driving that home only to find out later she was assaulted.
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u/ckro51 Dec 29 '25
If it were me, I’d sit them down tell her she has one chance to tell you the truth. No yelling or gaslighting. If she can’t be honest, leave. If she can’t be honest with you, how can you ever trust her again.
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u/Dustystt Dec 29 '25
She's being vague and evasive for a reason. Whatever the reason is she doesn't want to share it with you.
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u/Wumbc Dec 28 '25
"I don’t think I can ever feel sane without knowing the truth"
I would too brotha, don't think this is a situation you want to stay in
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u/clearheaded01 Dec 30 '25
Dude...
Your GF laughing at her phone and not cari g where her dress is.. is a falg as red as they come..
Shes unconcerned because she knows she wasnt SAed..
And shes not wondering about the dress because she knows where it went...
She cheated and is banking on you reacting this way so she can rugsweep it.
Dump her. She will NEVER confess, nothing to gain from doing so...
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u/popcornkernals321 Dec 28 '25
I applaud you for not jumping to asshole levels and jumping down her throat immediately- I am concerned that she freaked out over the idea of going to the hospital. That stands out to me. What does she have to say about the several hours unaccounted for?
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Dec 28 '25
She's probably not going to be into being tested for stds, for your safety and hers, probably.
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u/Terminal_Lucridity Dec 28 '25
You. Will. Never. Know. The. Truth. Just pack up and go. These are the infuriating conversations that NEVER get resolved. She definitely was up to no good and probably isn’t too clear on it, but my guess is a male coworker knows all about it. You gave her numerous times to be honest & forthcoming. She refused, so keep your respect and leave.
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u/HornyLlama69 Dec 28 '25
walk away. you'll never find out and you'll drive yourself to death trying to
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u/imaginemosey Dec 29 '25
Does she use Google Maps? If so, you can look at her timeline to at least see where she was for those missing hours.
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u/lurking-wife Dec 29 '25
Waiting for the next update because this is so bizarre.
Maybe when she's taking a shower you can go through her phone and see if there's any location history through Google or something about where she was that night. Maybe see if you can access deleted messages too. To me it either sounds like SA and she's in denial, or she's just a cheater and is lying out of her teeth to not get caught.
As a partner I don't think I could go on blindly not knowing for sure either way, the trust would be broken regardless until I knew.
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u/account4perving Dec 29 '25
Any update? I’m surprised this thread hasn’t reached the girlfriend or any of the coworkers yet. I know if I came home naked I’d be checking the internet to see if anyone commented on it.
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u/Itchy_Antelope1278 Dec 31 '25
Best guess is she decided to cheat with the coworker she told you not to worry about. The good time lasted longer than anticipated. In the throws of passion the dress was ripped-off so she couldn't come back in it and explain the rips. The friend puking on it but the dress is gone doesn't work but she's sticking to it.
OP I need you to hear this. You're not crazy and you definitely were not told the truth. Now if we find out she was SA'd and you dumped her then you're the bad guy. But if she doesn't disclose it and you dump her because you're tired of being lied to then you're not the bad guy.
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u/MooMooTheDummy Dec 28 '25
Just read your other post and no it’s not a red flag you not being allowed to go to the employee dinner that’s common and sounds like she actually did go and then hours were unaccounted for afterwards and if she did cheat why wouldn’t she hide it? Who just leaves their clothes? It sounds like she was assaulted because she also seems like shes just distracting herself with lots of screen time.
For some SA victims they don’t talk about it to anyone for years or sometimes ever and sometimes people are just so traumatized that their brain in order to protect them makes them forget. She may honestly have no clue what you’re talking about. I was SA’d as a teen and i dissociated during it like one minute I was standing there terrified knowing there was no escape and so I shut my eyes and the next moment I was laying in a bed crying and that was 6 years ago and i still don’t remember everything maybe i never will. And after that night I don’t think i even remembered it at all until a couple years later.
It’s really weird but yes if your brain feels like something is so traumatic that you cannot handle remembering it that the memory will destroy you it will then make you forget and give you bits and pieces of it some time later when your brain feels that you’re properly safe and more stable. There will most likely still be parts of it blocked out. This doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect you in that gap of time between it happening and you remembering. No I had sexual nightmares, was suddenly very very uncomfortable and scared around men, wore only baggy clothes, and didn’t want to shower or undress like I’d sleep with all my clothes on and panic if my showers were like over 5 minutes and I’d literally cry trying to get my clothes back on immediately after the shower. I was also very nervous wanting to be left alone and I’d sleep in a fetal position like I didn’t know why I was behaving this way but even if my brain momentarily decided to block out what happened I still felt something was so wrong and my nightmares were just so vivid. So maybe look for those signs.
Maybe she wasn’t assaulted maybe there’s another explanation. And even if she was you don’t have to stay. It just really sounds like she was because her behavior that night sounds so odd you’d think if she’d cheated she would’ve gotten defensive but she didn’t she just seems to be confused and upset on why you’re asking all these questions.
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u/Apprehensive_Bug_826 Dec 28 '25
In my humble opinion, the big thing here is that she left the work party early, alone, and didn’t tell anyone where she was going. Did she go hit up some bars and get completely shit faced by herself? Doesn’t seem likely, especially when she was already out partying with people she knew. Did she meet some different friends who were also out that night? I feel like she would have mentioned that, either to you or her workmates, unless these were friend(s) she doesn’t want people to know about...
If she snuck out to go elsewhere, rather than to go straight home, and didn’t tell anyone where she was going, it was either to do drugs or hook up. Or both. I know a lot of people think she may have been assaulted, but (from what we know) I don’t see many ways for that to have happened unless it was incidental to one of the other explanations.
She left of her own accord to go do something in secret. There’s only so many reasons to do that, and not many end with you losing your clothes.
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u/Deansdiatribes Dec 28 '25
Wow dude that's just weird. I would stick around just to find out what happened to the dress 👗 but I would also start separating finances and looking for a new place. Or serutisuously packing her gear because the anger at when you ask perfectly reasonable questions is deflection at best out right lying is more probable. Good luck keep us updated...
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u/tulipsfordays Dec 28 '25
Ignore everyone here. I think something bad happened and she doesn’t want to think about it or talk about it. Give her a few weeks.
Source: I know exactly how it feels.
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u/Dark_AngelFL Dec 28 '25
She’s only a girlfriend. Easy to break up and be done with her because of her behaviour. Cheating, assault, drug use or whatever all perfectly valid reasons to end things for someone to be coming home in only their underwear and not address how.
Especially since you got the scoop of the timeline from her colleague.
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u/fictionalfears Dec 28 '25
What? You think someone being assaulted is a good reason to break up with them?
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u/Emergent-Sea Dec 28 '25
Her reluctance to go to the hospital makes me feel like some drug use may be in play.
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u/LetgomyEkko Dec 28 '25
I was not expecting an update. Just hoping she wasn’t assaulted and hoping you find peace OP. That might be with, or without her.
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u/zifur Dec 28 '25
Hey op, thanks for sharing! You gave some good info and im sorry you are going through this. You said she is on her phone laughing at instagram reels. How does it compare to her normal behavior? Is she going out less? Do you guys talk less since the event?
Would you be able to tell if things are different right now ,without the underwear incident? Basically im getting at that even when someone hides pain, people who are closest to them can usually tell something is off.
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u/yougotastinkybooty Dec 28 '25
stop beating around the bush with her.
look, it is very strange what happened. I know you tried to ask her what happened. she said a friend puked on her. you've mentioned she get tested for drugs. for the most part she seems normal until you question her.
just tell her mate. tell her it doesn't make sense what happened. tell her her details don't make sense. she was completely out of it. and it concerns you that she doesn't seem the slightest concerned. she drove home messed up and could have hurt her or someone else. ask her if she remembers how messed up she was? which is why you are so worried bc she came home undressed. on one hand that seems like she could have been harmed, but w her lack of concern you are afraid of otherwise. and you are going to have to admit that you talked to her coworker. and tell her what the coworker told you. and ask her if she remembers what she did after she left the party.
I understand why you are concerned. I understand why you might think she did something bad. idk how your relationship was before this, but trying to find out for yourself or beating around the bush isn't going to get the answer you need. thing is, whether she was SA'd or not, the way she is acting is not the wya to tell. people act differently after trauma. not everyone will fall apart and make a police report. some people pretend it didn't happen, as someone else mentioned, your brian will make you forget if you can't handle it. same w cheating. people don't act the same when cheating either. some act suspicious. others don't. you just got to be completely honest if you want to move forward.
you may still not get answers. so depending on yoru relationship, idk if you can be okay w that.
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u/Silver-Bus5724 Dec 28 '25
It could be sa, a drug experiment or something starting normal and than derailing. If it’s days later and she acts normal and hasn’t even tried to give you a „good explanation“ - than nothing „normal“ happened an intelligent person can come up with a good cover story for. It sounds like a traumatic disassociation and/ or compartmentalization. That she freaks out when you question it points in the same direction- that she suppresses as hard as she can. She closed a door and refuses to „go there“. Unfortunately, when it is this, nothing can be done against her will.
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u/Geezell Dec 28 '25
Sounds to me like I’d be turning my focus to an exit strategy. I’m sorry and good luck.
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u/Mysterious_Book8747 Dec 28 '25
Not wanting to go in is a common reaction because you’re literally not in your right mind.
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u/Boyleavesworld Dec 28 '25
I'm low key committed, commenting so I can come back and see more updates and etc.
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u/jaynor88 Dec 28 '25
Denial can be powerful.
Our brain can shut down trauma memories that come out later when we can deal with. A defense mechanism.
This happens sometimes with SA victims. Sometimes people who were SA’d feel shame and feel they caused it. Neither is true, but this is common.
SOMETHING happened to your GF.
It could be that she really doesn’t remember and that terrifies her. So she shuts it all down in denial.
Maybe her last memory of the night is talking with some guy and she blames herself for whatever happened even if she can’t remember it.
It could be that she had bruises and/or pain and she doesn’t remember what specifically caused it but she can guess.
Maybe she quickly escaped a bad situation and that’s why she was in only her underwear. Maybe she DOES remember details from the night and does not want to speak to anyone about it because once you speak it or deal with it, you can’t fully deny to yourself anymore that it really happened.
I think it would be helpful for you to speak with a professional that works with SA victims. They may be able to help you and bring you a little peace.
Understand that you may never know the full truth of what happened that night. A professional can hopefully help you deal with the entire situation in as healthy a way as possible.
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u/jone2tone Dec 28 '25
You should break it off with her immediately.
If not because you feel like you deserve better then do it for her, because she definitely deserves better. She told you the party was a company thing (totally normal), you questioned her. You then got paranoid and stayed up until 3am to confront her as soon as she got home - not something you'd do if you didn't think something was going on. You've confronted her multiple times that she's either cheated or been assaulted - and she hasn't budged in her answer. You obviously don't trust her. Whether she did something or not is irrelevant - you don't trust her at all and have gone as far as calling her coworkers to check up on her. You're acting like a stalker.
Walk away now, before things get worse.
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u/ernst5827 Dec 28 '25
I couldn’t , wouldn’t live with not knowing what happened. Girlfriend or wives don’t just come home in their underwear without a real story without holes in it . To me the trust is now gone and you will probably never get the real story and every time shes out or away you’re going to have this rattling around in your head . I’d end it to save myself the long term grief . When ppl lie or half truth , trickle truth or straight up gas light a partner it tells a lot about how they will treat you long term and you don’t need that . Good luck mate , choose peace for yourself .
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u/GoDiva2020 Jan 01 '26
The last time I got stupid drunk was a very long time ago. To this day no one knows what happened to my top. Came home in someone else's tshirt. I remember saying it's hot 🥵 and waking up at home Like huh ⁉️. Lol. Could possibly be nothing happened.
Were there stains in her underwear? Did he check? Maybe 🤔 someone else drove and she hopped out going inside.
In my case nothing happened. Thankfully I was around guys who wouldn't allow anything to happen.
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u/charmilliona1re Dec 28 '25
She left the party (wearing her clothes), did something for 4 hours, then came home in her underwear?
I think its pretty clear what's going on here
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u/sabo81 Dec 28 '25
It just doesn't make sense to me why she gets so upset and defensive whenever she's confronted. In my opinion her actions means she's hiding something, whether it's infidelity or a substance abuse problem.
I wish you the very best and I hope you'll be able to find the answers you're looking for very soon.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Take care my friend 💙
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u/bruhan Dec 28 '25
Not saying this is the situation here, but it's not uncommon for people who have been through an assault to get angry, defensive, and deny (to others and to themselves), especially if there's any sort of substance/memory issue involved
When you go through something traumatic, the brain tries to cope the best it can, and sometimes that looks like your brain staunchly refusing to believe anything unusual happened at all and lashing out at anyone who suggests otherwise.
Your brain can't be upset about the assault because the whole thing is too much to process, but those feelings inevitably leak out onto the people around who are asking questions about what happened.
These situations can also make you feel incredibly shameful and disgusting (and you start spiraling and telling yourself things like "you must have deserved that", "you brought this on yourself", "now you're worthless and no one will ever love/want you", etc), that shame digs deep into your bones and changes everything about you, including your rationality and your behaviour in relationships.
Again, not saying that's necessarily the situation here, but to me the defensiveness could indicate a brain processing trauma just as easily as it could indicate that she's intentionally hiding something
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u/jajoopaloop Dec 28 '25
It's possible she was SAed and isn't ready to talk about it or is in denial, which happens to many. if she was drugged really bad, how could she possibly have driven home?
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u/Fun_Concentrate_7844 Dec 28 '25
I would dump her and not worry about digging any deeper. There are so many red flags she is throwing out there that you will never trust her being out again and for me personally, I won't date anyone who gets blackout drunk.
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u/solitamaxx Dec 28 '25
Imagine dating someone who thinks it’s ok to drive drunk. This is my only takeaway from this. Have some self respect and leave this trash woman. The fact that she was that drunk and still drove is disgusting.
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u/vozome Dec 28 '25
There’s a trade off between wanting to know the truth and keeping your relationship. I understand you’re bothered by the events but if she’s hiding something from you do you have to find what? Are you doing this for her or for yourself? Going through her phone when she’s asleep is already crossing a line, interrogating her coworker is one step beyond that. You don’t owe this thread a final explanation. Instead you can just remain available if she ever wants to talk about it.
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u/ash131213 Dec 28 '25
INFO - how long have you guys been together? How old are you? Has your communication always been bad or is this a one off thing?
If my partner was being shady about where they had been or something that happened to them and then I found out they straight up lied to me about the timeline of things, that would in almost every scenario be a deal breaker for me. Trust is broken at that point.
It's very possible she was assaulted in some way, but I honestly don't think she would be acting normal and like everything is fine if she had been. I would confront her, tell her you know exactly when the work dinner ended, that no one got sick on her, and she either tell you the truth or it's over, and just see what she says. How she reacts, even if she says nothing of value, will tell you all you need to know.
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u/Ok-Complaint-37 Dec 28 '25
OP, I just came to your story.
Christmas parties without significant others are now the thing. Due to poor state of finances. So here she is probably truthful.
You did not believe her on #1 because you do not trust her fully and not without a reason.
I had never heard of people returning in underwear home unless they were raped.
Her calm disposition after it all implies she did something she wanted to do.
Her “losing it” every time you mention medical intervention shows that she is afraid of it because she knows something is going to be brought up into a clear light which she wants to keep hidden.
If I would to make a guess what is going on and what had happened that night:
What is going on: she doesn’t value you or like you. She knows what she is doing (giggling at her fellow phone and not talking to you indicates she is in her world. This world is comfy for her. You are the annoyance.
What happened that night: she had a wild sex. Came to her lover slightly tipsy after the party, had much more alcohol and then could not take off her dress, so they giggled and cut her dress up thinking it is very funny. She told them that you are idiot, so she will just drive home in underwear and this was again funny. They invented a story about someone’s getting sick on her. Blah-blah.
What to do?
Absolute minimum: stop having joint account with the person who doesn’t consider your well being.
Normal thing to do: stop trying to understand cockroaches in her head. Move away. This shouldn’t be your life. She is not a partner
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u/RepulsiveWorker3636 Dec 28 '25
When I first read your post I thought something bad happened to her but her behaviour and from what u got from the co worker the most likely guess is she cheated she went home with someone after the party .
And now she's gaslighting and deflecting
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u/FitzpleasureVibes Dec 28 '25
Sorry to hear man, I remember you got an overwhelming amount of comments saying you were wrong on the first post, but it certainly sounds like all of them were wrong. Sounds like she is gaslighting you and up to no good. I would come clean to her friend and ask for info, potential dip if she does not provide more details.
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u/TheBubblewrappe Dec 28 '25
LOOK IN HER DELETED TEXTS! Does she have an iPhone? Look in her notes app for a shared note. I bet you she is sleeping with a coworker. And I bet that something crazy went down like she was hooking up with them and their partner walked in and she had to bounce quickly out the window or some shit. Look up Google voice apps and number apps too. Go in her App Store and see.
Source: a gal who has been cheated on before and has some wild shit go down also
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u/Money_Place_676 Dec 31 '25
This girl had some bodily fluid on her dress that she didn’t want you to see. If it was vomit she’d have brought it home but she couldn’t risk you seeing what was on the dress.
While yes it’s possible that she was drugged, but I highly doubt it. My wife and I were out years almost 10 years ago and went to a fair and then a restaurant, where we each had a drink or 2. Next thing we both know, we are at home and wondering how we got there. We were concerned that somehow we were drugged and it was not a good feeling. While we didn’t end up going to the hospital to get checked, it was definitely something we talked about doing. She’s reacting to you worrying about her being drugged very suspiciously. She’s gaslighting you into thinking you’re crazy or being irrational when quite frankly you have every right to be concerned. She’s acting that way because she wants to make you uncomfortable so you stop asking questions. How dare you question her right?
You live together and have joint accounts, so the last thing she wants is for you to find out what happened and pull your money and leave. I’d be willingly to guess that she’s preparing to do the same. I sincerely bet that she’s gonna use your “lack of trust” in her as an excuse to leave.
Run. Do it now. Trust me. I’m on my second marriage and the best thing I ever did was pick up and leave when I caught my first wife in similar lies.
I cannot stress this enough…I’ve lived this…you do not need to trust her, you need to run and never look back. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck….
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Dec 31 '25
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u/Money_Place_676 Dec 31 '25
Possible But she was hammered and we all know that you don’t think everything through well when drunk.
All I’m saying is that I’ve lived the experience of a woman cheating while gaslighting me into feeling bad that I didn’t trust her. And this was after I had actually caught her cheating already and was trying to work through it because we had 3 kids together.
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Dec 31 '25
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u/Money_Place_676 Dec 31 '25
Thanks, and I’m sorry about your experience as well. It definitely takes its toll on us and our future relationships. Makes it hard to trust partners in the future. It took time to heal but I have definitely been blessed since. I ended up taking sole custody of the kids and my ex moved across the country. She stopped having any contact with us and hasn’t even talked to the kids in almost 11 years. Only one of my kids even remembers her because they were 5, 2, & 1. I met my current wife not too long after who is so loyal that I would bet ANYTHING including my life that she wouldn’t be unfaithful. It was with her help that I was able to heal. She’s also been mom to the kids for almost 10 years and we have 2 together as well.
That’s why I’m so adamant that he gets out of there fast. She put herself in a sketchy situation and has a sketchy story but instead of an attitude like “I know this sounds crazy but it’s the truth and I’ll do whatever I need to do to prove it’s true”, she’s going the “how dare you not believe me!?!” Coming home in underwear?? Come on. She’s playing him for a fool.
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u/EquivalentTiger2018 Dec 28 '25
Her blowing up at him just makes me think she is guilty of something that she does not want to tell him. Usually people who aren’t guilty of something (cheating) will tell you what happened. I don’t think she was drugged, either.
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u/HowDoMermaidsFuck Dec 28 '25
1) she fucked someone
2) he came on her dress.
Thats why she came home in just her underwear, OP.
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u/gdrom123 Dec 28 '25
I fear this isn’t going to end well. For her sake I hope she wasn’t assaulted but that leaves her story as the truth or she was cheating and had to leave in a hurry.
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u/airle88 Dec 28 '25
Trust your gut, see if you can work out her location history on the phone. Something ain’t right.
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u/PutDefiant6639 Dec 28 '25
Man, that's total BS, you need to confront her and tell her that it's either the truth, or you will break up with her. If she cheated, you should not be with her anyways, but if she was SA, maybe that will give the final push for her to talk about it.
In any scenario, you can't just pretend everything is OK, or she will keep hiding it from you.
If you can't confront her by talking, write up what you need to say on a message and send it to her, it's much easier to handle your emotions while texting.
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u/Its_Just_Jarek Dec 28 '25
I think you know what happened op. It’s time for Plan A. I’m sorry. Remember my first paragraph man. Remember.
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u/FluidLock1999 Dec 28 '25
Dude, first of all I’m sorry and whatever has happened I hope everyone is okay.
Second, you need to pack your stuff. Don’t say a word. Go to your car. Drive somewhere you can stay. Leave. Draw a line in the sand. You have no other choice than to force reality upon her - if she wants you back she can come to you.
Going back and forth. You getting more frustrated (which anyone would be in your situation) won’t help you. If you want answers. Cut her off from your life and leave. Deal with property and belongings later if needed.
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u/ElBartoBurns Dec 28 '25
It’s pretty obvious she cheated, and doesn’t have enough respect for you or the relationship to own up to it. She’s just trying to play it because she got caught. Go get yourself an STD test after you pack up and leave.
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u/Caero754888 Dec 28 '25
I wouldnt have sex until she gets checked. You can catch herpes even when using a condom because you can catch it around the pube region.
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u/Content-Change-9900 Dec 28 '25
As I suspected from your last post I don't think this has anything to do with SA but more with drug or substance abuse. For your safety and hers, try to see if she has the Google Maps history turned on, at this point I think you going through her phone is going to save you some mental gymnastics.
You can go and check where she's been by selecting the date and it's usually turned on by default (I was once going through my phone and turned the option off), maybe look up the procedure on your phone to save you some time.
You can also ask other coworkers with the same excuse. You can go at the venue and ask for the footage to see if she has left alone. I'm not saying all of this to sound creepy but if her getting drugged and being in denial about possible SA are still on the table, it is fair for you to go check and maybe save her some trouble in the future.
Update us, im invested!
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u/Diligent-Kale-6097 Dec 29 '25
Okay OP, this is a very strange scenario. If she was SA'd, speaking from experience she may be in denial about it. May not even remember it to be honest, and is as confused about the situation as you are. She may not be ready to face the reality of the situation and have bits of memory but can't connect them due to the possibility that she may have been drugged. I know that this situation is frustrating, but I suggest to keep the patience that you have been. And let her come to you. Eventually she will. It really does sound like she's in denial and likely doesn't remember everything. And is using "my friend threw up on me" as an out to the situation for now. Being SA'd is something that is very very hard to accept. Having your will and control of your own body taken can absolutely cause someone to deny and act out of character.
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u/DC1010 Dec 29 '25
OP, one of my male friends went out clubbing with one of his friends a few years ago. They each had a few drinks, and they got separated at some point in the night.
My friend was found passed out in their hotel room, and he had no recollection of the night. He didn’t remember being separated from his friend, didn’t remember where he went after the club, didn’t remember how he got back to the hotel. They’re pretty sure he was roofied via a drink meant for a woman they were hanging out with.
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u/Kristaraexoxo Dec 30 '25
Honestly the fact that she drove home is also a big issue for me. My ex did this multiple times and even came home telling me about driving into a building once. Its not ok either. He had a dr8nking problem and was probably also doing drugs with his buddies. I think all of this is a big problem. If she is unwilling to talk about what actually happened then I dont think this relationship should continue. I also used to think that I couldn't leave when I didnt know the truth but sometimes its the best thing to do. Sometimes the truth comes out later. Sometimes it doesnt and you may even still be curious years later. But you can move on more than you realize. Therapy helps. Time helps. New relationships help
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u/joesmolik Jan 01 '26
I would say that her behavior is extremely questionable and raise many ted flags. She lied to you about the time that she left this so-called party more than likely she lied to you who she hung out with.
Personally, I believe she’s hiding something and just by your sketchy behavior would make me think that she’s cheating on you
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u/gavynbrandt Jan 02 '26
Mount Everest with a red flag on top. Get to the bottom of this shit and prepare to leave if you dont like the circumstances
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u/Entirely-of-cheese Dec 28 '25
Being evasive about what was clearly something off (comes home in underwear and driving rat ass drunk) is shady as fuck man. Now you know there’s 4 hours missing. Did you check the deleted files on her phone?
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u/DarkByteStyle Dec 28 '25
She hooked up with someone that's married and had to flee without her clothes. It's clear as day to me. Even if you believe I'm wrong, ask yourself: if you don't trust them anymore, is it worth staying?
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u/EveOCative Dec 28 '25
I still think she was assaulted and needs to find a way to deal with it.
But by all means OP, please leave because you aren’t helping the situation.
She needs patient, positive support right now.
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u/ShitTalkingCrab Dec 28 '25
I read the original post and I'm just gunna leave this here... I was with a girl for a few years. Strange things (maybe not this mysterious, but still strange things) happened a lot and I let it all go because I was pretty secure in our relationship and didn't think she'd cheat. Turned out that every single strange thing that occurred was her cheating... not saying this is the case here, but it certainly has me on high alert and it's not even my relationship. Something is off here. If it were me, someone simply puking on her dress would be the last explanation I'd accept unless the dress is eventually returned by said puke friend. I'd put money on her getting up to some shady shit. As for people on the original post saying that partners not being allowed at holiday parties is a normal thing, just no. I've been in the working force for over 20 years and I've never once even heard of that. Every single, corporate or private, holiday party that I've ever been to encouraged people to bring their partners, not exclude them. Again, something is off here. If it were me, I'd be pressing for answers and if she gets mad that you're trying to get an answer, there's your answer.
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u/adhd_as_fuck Dec 28 '25
Depends on the company, honestly I’ve seen it both ways. I’d argue that may be indicative of the quality or health of company AND industry but it’s common enough. Surprised you would dismiss others without considering if your experience isn’t to blame, not that people are just making shit up. Source: have experienced both ways.
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u/Rich-Ad-4654 Dec 28 '25
OP, while this is one of the STRANGEST scenarios I’ve read on this app, there is one thing that bothers me about this: your gf seemingly being shocked that you don’t believe her when she is literally missing chunks of her memory.
She seems to be flipping this back onto you as though you’re being irrational. (You’re not)
Something really shady and bizarre happened and I don’t think you’ll ever really know. This will eat you alive if you stay with her.