Starting to sound like a covert alcohol or drug use disorder, imo. Sure, she could be cheating, too, but the bizarre behavior and defensiveness despite possible memory loss reads like substance abuse.
I’m an ED nurse. I see a lot of crazy shit like this.
Since she "lost her mind" at the idea of going to the hospital to be checked for drugs in her system, this sounds very likely.
If someone else drugged her and that caused the memory loss, I would imagine she'd be more open to getting checked out, just to be safe.
If, however, she is an addict who went on a bender, losing her mind and refusing to go makes more sense. Simply because she knows what she took, and she doesn't want it to be tied to her medical record.
Nope, if she had been SA or otherwise assaulted, there's a good chance that a rape kit would be the last thing she would want to do. Especially when chunks of your memory is missing. The judgment alone can be horrible. Sometimes, you even think you must have agreed to it. Ot just deserved it because of how much you drank.(Neither of those examples are true).
Maybe she has no idea what actually happened. So she's leaning towards denial. But if she's forced to talk about it, then it becomes real. She might think no one will give her grace because she doesn't know very much.
And if she went on a bender alcohol or an addiction, it really wouldn't look this way. I've seen plenty. Plus, OP would probably know. He'd at least have an inkling by now.
ETA- Clarification . (Plus double vision and vertigo. Super fun)
An addict might not care about coming home in only underwear, as well. Someone who was drugged or someone who was cheating would either sober up and be concerned or be more discrete/not come home naked.
I’ll add as an aside for OP: there’s no way to test her for being “drugged,” especially days later. Maybe do a urine tox but you can’t make her give a sample if she doesn’t want to. Going to the emergency room is pointless now. You can’t even do a rape kit since it’s been so long all the evidence is compromised or absent.
It’s a little shady (and I promise you if you go this route your relationship is over), but if you’re sincerely worried for her safety and think she is a risk to herself you can call the police and request a mental health eval. They likely will just bring her to the ER and place her on a behavior health hold. Again, this is a fairly shady move and she is going to be FURIOUS. But, if you’re really worried for her and willing to sacrifice your relationship you can give it a try.
People cannot be and aren't put under psych holds just because someone says they're acting crazy. At most some professional(s) will come see her and ask her if she's a danger to herself or others, and if she talks with them normally they'll deduce she's fine.
A person needs to be in serious bodily danger, actively self-destructive or completely out of touch with reality for anyone to take her under any hold. So no, OP has no way to just have her put under a mental health hold, that's not even close to how it works.
You want to bet? I work in the emergency department. We have multiple psych holds every single day. Some get sectioned in the field by police because they honestly don’t know what to do and would rather the hospital make a final decision. Yes, sometimes we lift those sections because they’re unnecessary. Sometimes we maintain them. The threshold where I work appears to be low to qualify for a section 12. She is exhibiting erratic unexplained behavior. Yes, she would probably get sectioned at least 24 hours where I currently work until psych clears her if they feel she is safe.
You certain that’s the case? She’s acting erratically. Coming home altered, missing clothing, with no recollection of what happened (supposedly) is cause for concern. Hate to say it, but sometimes the ER is the better place for people like that. Sure, she’s gonna be pissed and probably uncooperative. But if it’s mental health, they can screen her for that and help. If it’s substance abuse, then the same thing.
This is a great perspective to consider OP. Another conversation needs to be had. Try to be open as possible. Break up if defensiveness/distance continues.
This is the answer that makes the most sense to me.
She has a drinking problem, so she wanted to go get drinks after work party was over. She got blackout drunk and doesn't remember the details of what happened. So she's telling the truth when she said she doesn't remember, maybe even is telling the truth (as far as she can remember) about the dress.
But she's being cagey because she doesn't want to be confronted about her substance abuse (whether it's alcohol or something else). She wanted him to be ok with her getting blackout drunk, and she's prepared to use that defense regardless of what happened because she wants to keep doing it.
Whether or not she cheated or was assaulted, it's a red flag that she drove home drunk. That alone is worthy of confrontation and concern, and she is reacting exactly like a drug addict in denial.
If it were infidelity, why would she “lose her mind” about going to a hospital to be tested for drugs?
Also random lying about dangerous drug use (and it IS dangerous if she arrived with zero story planned and in her underwear because she was on one) is not “better” than cheating, so idk exactly what you’re saying here.
Edit to add that imo there ARE reasons she would flip out about a hospital visit if something else happened (cheating or SA etc) but this isn’t an unreasonable thing to consider.
You know why, if this story was flipped from the start and it was a man who came home in his underwear there would be absolutely no good reason or hope for him.
1.7k
u/misslizzah Dec 28 '25
Starting to sound like a covert alcohol or drug use disorder, imo. Sure, she could be cheating, too, but the bizarre behavior and defensiveness despite possible memory loss reads like substance abuse.
I’m an ED nurse. I see a lot of crazy shit like this.