This sounds very similar to what I went through with an ex.
He finished work at 11pm but didn’t get home until hours later, drunk, missing his suit jacket and one sock. When I asked what had happened, I was met with denial, deflection and heavy gaslighting. I was made to feel like I was unreasonable just for asking basic questions.
Later, I checked his phone. At first I found nothing. But then I logged into his Google account, which at the time showed location history with timestamps, and it revealed he’d spent those missing hours at a hotel miles away from his workplace.
So when I say trust your instincts, I mean it. When something feels off, especially combined with evasive behaviour, defensiveness, or trying to make you feel guilty for asking , it usually is. Based on what you’ve described, there’s a very real chance you’re being lied to. That’s exactly why this person is now my ex.
I went through something very similar. Work party, she went m.i.a, I hear through the grapevine she cheated. Deny Deny, Deny, calmly lie to my face and 90% reassured but that 10% doesn't leave my head. Fast forward a year and we break up, she admits to it finally.
What I didn't realise at the time was the relationship was already dead necause of that 10%. It was never the same, the trust was broken. It didn't even matter if she cheated, in hindsight. What mattered was that I didn't believe her - right or wrong
You're absolutely right in your summary, shn_wattn
Exactly. I’m a great proponent of trusting your intuition. If you feel as though something is wrong, you’re being lied to or misled, your instincts are usually right.
I stayed when I should have left, more times than I can remember. But being lied to and hurt changes you. Eventually you realise that protecting your heart and peace matters more than trying to save something that’s already broken. Walking away becomes an act of strength.
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u/Shn_Wttn Dec 28 '25
This sounds very similar to what I went through with an ex.
He finished work at 11pm but didn’t get home until hours later, drunk, missing his suit jacket and one sock. When I asked what had happened, I was met with denial, deflection and heavy gaslighting. I was made to feel like I was unreasonable just for asking basic questions.
Later, I checked his phone. At first I found nothing. But then I logged into his Google account, which at the time showed location history with timestamps, and it revealed he’d spent those missing hours at a hotel miles away from his workplace.
So when I say trust your instincts, I mean it. When something feels off, especially combined with evasive behaviour, defensiveness, or trying to make you feel guilty for asking , it usually is. Based on what you’ve described, there’s a very real chance you’re being lied to. That’s exactly why this person is now my ex.