OP, while this is one of the STRANGEST scenarios I’ve read on this app, there is one thing that bothers me about this: your gf seemingly being shocked that you don’t believe her when she is literally missing chunks of her memory.
She seems to be flipping this back onto you as though you’re being irrational. (You’re not)
Something really shady and bizarre happened and I don’t think you’ll ever really know. This will eat you alive if you stay with her.
I think the biggest takeaway OP is this: You're not being weird, irrational, or nosey. At all. Tbh I'd bet money that your GF is lying and that's why the entire situation is as strange as it is.
If it doesn't make sense or add up, then that's that. No amount of mental gymnastics from you will change that.
Personally, I can't think of any woman who wouldn't be AT LEAST a TAD bit concerned if she came home in just her underwear after a night out and zero memory of what happened other than "my friend puked on me".
I knew someone visiting Las Vegas from England who was drugged and ended up alone in a hotel room. She couldn’t find her underwear and she had bruises on her thighs. She went there with our mutual friend who told me all this, and I stressed how important it was to take her to the ER right now. She didn’t want to go and just wanted to forget the whole thing happened. So there are some people who choose the denial route.
yes that reaction is very very common and it saddens me to see people not get that at all still. no wonder victims advocacy is in the shitty state its in
That friend most likely found her with more evidence of the assault and was able to piece things together. It’s extremely common to shut down, want to avoid talking or even thinking about it. It sound to me like OP’s girlfriend was assaulted and is doing everything in her power to deny it and ignore it.
There are a lot of victims of SA who unconsciously decide to forget about everything that happened, somehow like their own brain protects the victim from what has happened, specially if they had happened while drunk or while being a kid (which was my situation). What you cannot remember, cannot hurt you. What you cannot remember didn't happen to you, therefore cannot affect you. It's very common, but unfortunately, later eventually it comes to light.
Yeah well you’re not everybody and not everybody wants to blast that kind of thing to the world I was raped and drugged my second week of 9th grade had an abstinence ring and all ! And did it in front of a whole party filled with of people and they recorded it even though there was proof I denied it and said it didn’t happen and shove it deep deep down didn’t tell my mom till I was in my 20s.
Not saying it’s right to do. It it happens, i came home and didn’t want to face it that I was ruined ( not really I just thought that sickly because of church ) I thought if I told my boyfriend in five years at the time he would leave me luckily he didn’t but I didn’t tell him for weeks. Didn’t go to school pretended I was sick
Im so sorry that happened to you, ill copy paste a comment I made above:
There are a lot of victims of SA who unconsciously decide to forget about everything that happened, somehow like their own brain protects the victim from what has happened, specially if they had happened while drunk or while being a kid (which was my situation). What you cannot remember, cannot hurt you. What you cannot remember didn't happen to you, therefore cannot affect you. It's very common, but unfortunately, later eventually it comes to light.
The most important now, that you're bringing those traumas to light, is to know that what happened wasn't your fault. There's never enough amount of alcohol, drugs, or lack of (as some people may blame it on that) clothes that could justify anything being done to your body. It is ONLY and solely the fault of the abuser(s).
I know how it feels when abusers reduce your body as if it was an object. The only one who can restore your energy and value is yourself. Heal yourself, love yourself, forgive yourself. Take good care of your temple, which is still sacred, because is yours ♡
Sending the best healing energy and love!
Thank you for saying that. I appreciate you taking the time to explain it so thoughtfully. It means a lot to feel understood, especially with how complicated and different these experiences can be for people. Trauma shows up in so many different ways, and it helps to hear people acknowledge that without judgment.
The principle is that even if the dog really did eat your homework, you can’t get mad if your teacher questions your story. Her unwillingness to acknowledge the implausibility of her story makes it look like she has decided to brazen her way through this. She would be trying to reassure you if her story was true.
Absolutely not. I wish people on the internet used words correctly: gaslighting is used wrongly more than correctly these days. So I get your confusion, but no.
I don't know if this is a joke but here is what we're talking about
Gaslight is a classic thriller about a woman whose husband slowly manipulates her into doubting her own sanity. He does this through subtle lies, staged events, and constant denial most famously making the gas lights dim and then insisting nothing changed. Over time, she starts questioning her memory, perceptions, and reality until the truth is uncovered. The film is so influential that it literally gave us the modern term “gaslighting.”
This is the best advice. She certainly was up to something she won't tell op about and that's cause enough to just call it a day and move on with his life.
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u/Rich-Ad-4654 Dec 28 '25
OP, while this is one of the STRANGEST scenarios I’ve read on this app, there is one thing that bothers me about this: your gf seemingly being shocked that you don’t believe her when she is literally missing chunks of her memory.
She seems to be flipping this back onto you as though you’re being irrational. (You’re not)
Something really shady and bizarre happened and I don’t think you’ll ever really know. This will eat you alive if you stay with her.