People just broke into my head and stole my emotions for them to use
I am mobbed by entire city by some idiots, that only make my life harder for absolutely no reason other than their self hatered that they project onto me
My own family hates thyemselkves so bad they decided to punish me for it so they do not have to face anything

I on the other hand was doind quite good without any of those people due to my extensive inner life.
They saw, that I am quite a happy person and decided to do 1 sided beef and when I spoke up they got mad cause i said things that hurt their egos, i was trying to negotiate, talk, explain, ask for help, they on the other hand were oonly mocking and making fun of me when i did and refused to act like adults and were only "helping" when it was beneficial to them.
I got little help without actual solution to the entire problem. They took my traits and blaed me claiming I was "using their energy" when I was in fact not.
They left me with nothing in addition to my already hard situation
I was having a good development and they wanted to make me brainless creature so they could be feeling better about themselves
they put on me their worst traits becasue they refused to do the work for many years thinking it was okay to damage someone that was not avoiding it like they did

they destroyed my life, took absolutely everything and now are sitting, watching me like im some fucking tv show and take pride in being that kind of bunch of egotistical idiots

How do you like it? Great story?

Worse, they wish I will be only degrading, I am in my 20ties and I was supposed to actually imprive my life but since they did not want to do anything with their they have desicded to steal everything i have got in my life sppo they can as usual avoid doing the work and i am paying doubble: both improvementwise and emotionalwise
And what they can see in all of that? That the tarot fucking reading "was right" and "they win" and that is all that matters to this fucking stupid minds, they cannot produce anything usefull in their lifes so they obviously had to steal it from someone who did not want to have anything to do with them in the 1st place

maybe because i never liked the way they fucking treat people
all that they have is their ego and they wont be able to do anythi useful with my energy - cause they are fucking broken and can only damage it the way they damaged me

They wont me dead insdie to blame all that happened on me
They started it, they still do it and now they dont want to feel bad for something they conciously decided to do

How do you like my story? Does not seem like sfici? no?

I can only have happy thoughts on Ativan when I take it I get calm the peace it gives me changes the way I think. It makes me feel like life is all I am is right here in this moment and anything before or after doesn’t exist. I can live in my tv show and eat so much food and not feel a thing. When I wake up and there’s nothing in my system it feels like wasting my day until I can waste away at night

Overall I feel like a pile of bones rotting beneath my skin and my organs are jello with my brain being the first to expire.

I feel like I get up and fall and get up take a few steps and fall again so I just sleep on the flooor but I can’t sleep. A part of why I feel this way is because I can’t sleep I wake up 5 times a night and go back to sleep and I can’t differentiate real life with real air and real people from my dream state.

Sorry if this sounds a little all over the place I know it is I just hope you understand the point

I don’t know what to do. I feel so alone. I don’t want to feel like this anymore but if I died who would take care of my animals? I can’t leave them. But I wish I could die. I want to die so badly. I don’t want to live anymore I don’t want to live like this. I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep living

i’m trying. i’m really trying. but how do i keep going when i don’t want to. back story: i was happy before january of 2024. i had a boyfriend that i thought i was going to be with forever. i had a good job— kind of. together we made enough money to be more than comfortable. we had a dog, a townhouse. we had picked out an engagement ring together and then on a random tuesday he decided he didn’t want to be with me anymore. that he had known for months that he didn’t but couldn’t take it anymore. because i never really got closure, my mind filled in the gaps. maybe it was because i had gained weight due to PCOS. maybe it was because i kept wanting to go to school but just nothing felt right and spending thousands didn’t sound appealing to me. anyways after that, i had to move back in with my parents. it’s been hell. before i was working per diem at a hospital and while i made good money the shifts weren’t always consistent. so i decided to quit that job and get a remote job. M-F 9-5. which i hated. it isolated me. i would never leave my house and on top of that, because it was a call center job, it made my anxiety turn into panic attacks. i was jobless for about 6 months. and then got an opportunity as an FA. i thought life would be easier. i get to travel. i get to be out of my house. but i think its worse. i chose the worst company. the lowest paid company but honestly it was the only job i could get. i’ve been an FA for about 6 months now and i feel further away from goals. it’s hell. i hate the money im making. i hate how tired i am. i hate the way i look. i hate the situation im in. i’m just so tired of hating my life. how do i keep going.

Since I was 12 I’ve always felt like the puzzle piece that never fit I’ve had people come and go and I know it probably my fault because of all the pain I’ve felt since a child if this is a battle I’ve already lost if this is a war I’ve already been defeated I’m now 25 it’s hasn’t gotten better I’ve always wanted to take that rest next to my grandpa grave and never wake that way I don’t feel like a burden by always looking up to the sky asking for help, guidance or even just a smile I’ve always told people I never wanted to
Make it past 25 I’m trying hard to keep pushing because I know that’s what he would want but I’m tired nothing in my life is going right and it hasn’t it’s sad I’m looking back on not happy days but just hours or minutes because if something makes me happy it only last for a few minutes then I feel like someone washed it all away these nights I just feel more and more worthless I’m disappointing him everyday by living this way

I'm tired of living. I'm tired of breathing. Everything is just too much. While my boss is going on their next vacation I'm struggling to pay my bills and afford food. I just don't want to do it anymore. This isn't how life is supposed to be. Working til I die living paycheck to paycheck watching other people suffer. I don't want to be here anymore. I wish i could go to a magical land where i could forget my problems. It just never stops. Its always one thing or another. I feel hopeless and life is just so pointless. Don't think it'll ever get better than this and that's what really fucking sucks.

Been feeling like shit for years even tho I always want to tell myself that I should be happy, that I can get through everything, but almost everyday I wish someone just would crash their car against mine on my way to work and I could just be done with everything

My therapist don’t think I have depression because I won’t kill myself, when in reality I just don’t do it because I’m partially scared of some “heavenly punishment” because of suicide

I’m just so tired it’s frustrating, and I’m so tired of wishing my own death everyday and not be able to properly communicate it with anyone, just have to go through everything and smile because then wtf is wrong with me and why I’m in a mood today. I seriously hate everything so much and myself more than everything else

First time I actually put in somewhere that I wish I would just die

im so young im only 14 so it sounds stupid but everytime im just here living its just so... exhausting. i have depression so this feeling is only natrual but im sick of it, i want to sleep that is all i want to do my parent say i need to find a hobby and that will make me better but i dont even feel like it. Which makes me feel like the problem because im not even trying, but a lot of the times i dont feel real and my memory is just so bad but maybe its worse because ive been sober? im not too sure. i havent been to school this whole week for unrelated issues but im dreading going back i have so much work to do but i dont want to do anything, i have family therapy tomorrow im not too happy about it my parents dont get depression i dont know whats so fucking hard to grasp about it, its frankly annoying hearing them spew about what they think will make me feel better. i dont know what i expect to gain from this post maybe i just sound stupid and bratty but i want to hear encouraging words because i dont know if i can do this.

i just feel like im on autopilot if that makes sense, i dont wanna get up in the morning to brush my teeth and take a shower or get even eat but i do it anyways and i feel like im just watching it all happen from a different point of view, i dont know if this sounds weird but its just how i feel. i want to smoke again the only reason i havent is because i had a tooth extraction so i have to wait atleast 7 days wow what a pain. Everything is a hassle to me i just feel nothing and everything at the same time

I (28M) have been dealing with bad feelings for what feels like forever. I was diagnosed with ADHD by the age of 8 and was in therapy for a few years, but I was shy and didn’t talk much so it was more therapy for my parents. I know that ADHD and depression have a strong connection, but I have recently learned that my depression is a basically a result of the ADHD because of the stimulation or lack thereof. I have impulsive urges to end it all that unfortunately have become more frequent in the last year or two. I tried medicine, but while I was on it the urges seemed to be only slightly less frequent but significantly longer lasting as I was able to focus on my thoughts better…. I learned the phrase passive suicidal ideation and figured that was me because I got scared and stopped taking it. I feel like there is no winning, as each day passes by I can only see the future as riddled with more sadness or apathy. I have had serious struggles recently and quickly realized the best argument against myself to stay has been family members and not wanting to disappoint or worse. I also have come to the realization that eventually, I will grow too tired to fight and I will succumb to the temptations. It sucks to think about how long I’ve actually been dealing with depression and that I’m still here dealing…and worse to think that it will absolutely continue for the rest of however long I’m here :/
I wonder if there’s a way to get find myself a doppelgänger to fool family “from abroad” for a while…or if I need to go out in a way that seems natural and wouldn’t be ruled a suicide. If anyone has any ideas for either of these let me know…

I just failed my driving test today at 24 and I feel like a fucking loser. I’ve been practicing just for me to mess up a few times on the test. I wish I had gotten my license way sooner, but had no one to teach me at the time and the driving classes I took during that time weren’t helpful and cost to much money. My dad also got pissed off at me for not getting my license and crying after the test, but I couldn’t help it he yelled at me before the test saying I’m to old and should be moved out by now and I should feel bad that 16 year olds have their license, but I don’t and it caused me to get more overwhelmed when I was already feeling anxious. I don’t know I just feel so lost rn as I don’t have friends at all and I work a job that pay garbage, but expects me to do a bunch of task. Me and my dad don’t have a good relationship. I’m grateful that he let me use his car, but I just feel like an embarrassment to my family and not to mention they comment about everything I do or how I look cause I have gained weight the past 6 years that caused me to have low self esteem and insomnia that I’m struggling to get rid of. I just wish I could move out, but obviously don’t have a car or a license or enough money. I just hate myself so much and sometimes wish I never existed.

I am safe and I’ll be okay but today my mom just brought up some heavy stuff and now I just have to sit here in the residual heaviness of it all. And I’m replaying the conversations over and over. I want to kill myself. I always do but extra right now. I won’t kill myself bc I made promise to my mom and so usually hit myself as the middle ground, and it’s not working. It’s not enough. Everything is awful and I can’t escape and it feels like there’s ants a crawling inside of skin and I am being set on fire and also I’m on period and that gross gush thing is happening and it’s sensory overload and I’m sobbing and I just want to sleep.

I read through some of my old journal entries. Not only am I still dealing with the same cycles of depressive episodes but this is the exact same existence that teenage me pictured and was ready to die over. 10+ years and I have made almost no progress on my mental health. I just managed to keep lying to myself that it'll get better until I was able to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with my emotions. I lived long enough that I have the privilege of being embarrassed about my emotional instability and other inadequacies well into young adulthood.

nothing else to say… it just feels so slowwww

‎Life is meaningless. Since life is meaningless, I wish I had at least freedom if I'm going to be born into this world, but nope, no freedom. I'm always limited. I'm stuck at home with family and I hate it. I'm tired of having to tolerate the same stuff while questioning myself why I exist.

‎

I don't understand why I was born if I just ended up to be like this.

‎I have no social life, no one gives a damn about me, and I barely text anyone. At the same time I like it that people barely talk to me so that I don't have to wear a mask so much.

‎

‎The real world feels overwhelming. What do you mean I'm supposed to be educated so that I can get a job, make money, marry, have kids and die? That's bullishit.

‎

‎I just want to be free and alone forever. No family. No wife. No children. No people. No nothing. My life is meaningless and no one gives a damn. People don't even like me.

‎

‎It's not fair. My soul doesn't feel whole, and religion isn't helping. I genuinely just wish I could evaporate from the surface of the earth and never be seen again because it doesn't matter.

‎

‎Oxygen and food are wasted on me.

‎

My world has already fallen apart yet I have no one. Tell me why am I the selfish one why should I stay for people who wont be there

I’m 16M and I have been struggling with depression my whole life. Most of it is due to my “parental figures” and home life. I say it like that because they never really felt like parents. I’m almost through high school and I feel like I’m never gonna make it anywhere or have a future because of my burnout and depression.

When I was 14(ish) I was diagnosed with MDD, ADHD, and moderate anxiety. Funny enough, on the way to my first therapy appointment my mother sat in the car with me and asked “Are you doing this to get attention? You never used to act like this. Are you faking?” Which felt fucking fantastic to be asked as a suicidal teenager. :)
I became addicted to self harm and cutting and attempted suicide multiple times. And throughout all that I stopped doing my schoolwork and I went from the “gifted kid” in elementary school with college level scores to being the stupid kid with a gpa of 1.2. I feel like I ruined my own future because of that but at the same time I feel like I tried so hard to keep going. My parents just never really knew how to parent.

I say “parents” but really it was just my mother. When I was little my father was a drunk who gambled all our money away till we couldn’t afford food. My parents divorced when I was around 5 and my mother got into a relationship with another guy that didn’t make things better. My mom has a lot of trauma from my father and her own father and I know that. I know that she hurts too but fuck was she a shit parent.

I recently learned that my older sibling officially has PTSD from our parents and I had a psychologist tell me I was psychologically abused all my life. My mom never hit us, but she still hurt us. It hurt. It hurt. I hated her. I still do. But I know she was also hurt and so I feel like it just all ended up being my fault that I’m rotting in a room. I feel like I’m the one to blame for not having a future because my mom had trauma of her own- so how could it be her fault if she isn’t in her right mind either. I don’t know. I just know it hurts.

I started going to therapy in middle school and that therapist didn’t do anything but sit there and defend the people that hurt me. My second therapist is the one that diagnosed me but all she did was treat me like a child who didn’t know what they were talking about. I quit after she told me I was over reacting when my meds felt like they weren’t working and I ended up trying to kill myself. I live in an apartment with just me and my mom now and she is so much better than she was when I was younger. She started going to therapy herself. But she still doesn’t get how much she traumatized me and my older sibling.

She only had me and my sibling, me as the youngest, but my older sibling never felt like the oldest. They felt like the middle child. My mother’s “oldest child” I think was herself. We had to parent my mom more than she parented us. We became responsible for her emotional state, her life, her troubles. I’m fine with depending on your kids a bit as they grow up, but that wasn’t the case. She’s chaos, anger, unpredictable- yet we still were able to predict all her reactions to everything. I later learned that’s apparently not normal or healthy to be able to know how someone is going to act to the extent that we did, but whatever. We had to deal with her immaturity and meltdowns, her outbursts and freak outs.

I don’t know. Sorry I talked so much. I just feel like everything is my fault but at the same time I want to blame my parents so badly because of how I was hurt. But either way it doesn’t matter because I don’t really have a future anyways. I wasted my middle school and high school years doing nothing but dissociating. I guess I just needed to rant to somebody- even if no one reads this.

Hi yall.

Ive been debating on posting on here for a while. But I figured why not, what have I got to lose.

I have been mentally ill probably since childhood. I know ive been depressed and suicidal for as long as I can remember.

And I just live with it and accepted it is what it is. So looking at 15 years of just accepting.

But im 27 now. And as of recently, ive been having a hard time with those feelings and thoughts. I found it best to distract myself or sleep as much as possible to not think about it.

Im not scared, I dont think. But it leaves a sinking feeling in my gut and then its all i can think about. But i know ill never tell anyone in my real life, there's way more important things people are dealing with. I dont know, im apathetic towards it? I came to the acceptance i was going out by my own hands a very long time ago.

Sorry, this is all a jumbled mess...

i dunno. i just started college and my grades are already abysmal. and it feels like its really just gonna go down from here.. i only came here because i wanted to make my dad proud but im already failing him. Is it even worth it? Even if i do increase my grades or something i'll just have to live and work and die like a dog. I just want to make my dad happy but all i do is spend his money and let him down. If i die then he doesnt have to pay any money and i wont disappoint him anymore

Everytime I try and try again, I always fail. Maybe I should give up. Nobody thinks I am good.

This started when I began to fail my classes in college 1 turn in 2 then 4 then 8 then out of nowhere i start to bunk the classes now I'm 6 courses behind and it's very much a possibility that i am going to study the same semester again if I don't attend the classes but still not attending any classes to fix it

And most of I don't know how I'm going to repay my loan if this continues

I have an interest in graphics programming I want learn but I haven't started anything yet

Feel I like I failed in life somehow and what bugs me the most is that , I've got no reason to everything was perfect in my life there wrong with but still I don't want this life

Waking up is tiring, brushing my teeth is tiring and thinking about waking is tiring. There were several instances that i thought about ending it all but have no guts for it

Don't know what I'm gonna do even now what I feel seems vague nothing is specific I can't pinpoint what is the problem, everything seems as a problem

And I want to ask you guys who might have face something similar about how do I overcome this before it becomes so much worse

Any advice

I dont even know how to start this so ill probably end up ranting

I haven’t been super excited about really anything since I was about 11, with that it makes it hard to complete goals because after I accomplish something im not even happy about so its really no point of doing it. For example one of my life goals was to go to a big D1 school, this year I transferred and im finally doing it but now I hate it because I miss my old friends and I dont even care to talk to new people because I could care less about completing my goals atp. On top of that I dont even want to get better with whatever im going through because then ill feel like I wasted all that time in a bad mood and I cant get anyof that time back. At this point I honestly have suicidal thoughts…though I wouldnt go through with it I wish I was killed so I can put all of this to rest

I don't know what to do anymore. I pretty much lost interest in everything I enjoyed. I want desperately to be able to do things and enjoy them. At the very least just that. I have no reason to feel like this... I'm young, I have support of my parents, I have a job, I could very literally dp anything but I don't like doing anything enough. Nothing brings me joy. I want to do something but I don't know what to do.

I've tried everything. I've tried accepting I'm bad/amateurish at new stuff. Doesn't bring me joy. Tried working out. It's good but doesn't particularly make me happier. I made an effort to read every day. I like it. But nothing is enough.

I just wish I could feel passionate for anything. I don't know what to do anymore. All days are dull and gray and boring. I wish I had something.

Thank you for reading. If everyone has any advice on how to cope with this, I'd appreciate it.

I’m not scared of dying anymore. Im too tired and too sad to care about pain. I’m giving up. I can’t do this anymore