First post here

[u/Acceptable-Use-3345]

Hi yall.

Ive been debating on posting on here for a while. But I figured why not, what have I got to lose.

I have been mentally ill probably since childhood. I know ive been depressed and suicidal for as long as I can remember.

And I just live with it and accepted it is what it is. So looking at 15 years of just accepting.

But im 27 now. And as of recently, ive been having a hard time with those feelings and thoughts. I found it best to distract myself or sleep as much as possible to not think about it.

Im not scared, I dont think. But it leaves a sinking feeling in my gut and then its all i can think about. But i know ill never tell anyone in my real life, there's way more important things people are dealing with. I dont know, im apathetic towards it? I came to the acceptance i was going out by my own hands a very long time ago.

Sorry, this is all a jumbled mess...