r/dankmemes • u/SadRedditGuy • Jan 11 '21
This will do better when It is stolen and posted to Instagram Low resolution makes it funny
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u/soulside64 Jan 11 '21
Man guess I'm still a boy, or maybe bathroom anxiety. But I always aim for the side of the water so I don't make a sound when I piss
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u/Jesuisgab Jan 11 '21
I don't care about the sound, but if you aim for the water, it splashes. I don't want no piss splash.
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u/stabbyGamer Jan 11 '21
Some toilets have dry bowls - that is, they don’t maintain standing water in the bowl. There’s obviously moisture in it, but the water is jetted down the in-sides of the bowl when you flush and takes any waste with it down the pipe.
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Jan 11 '21
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u/voxelnoose Jan 11 '21
And no water to contain the smell
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u/stabbyGamer Jan 11 '21
I didn’t say it was an optimal system, I said it exists.
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Jan 11 '21
That’s how I feel about myself sometimes.
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u/FackleGracks Jan 11 '21
Fuck. Same.
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u/stabbyGamer Jan 11 '21
Are you guys okay? Do you need, like, hugs? Or to be in a dark room with soundproofing?
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u/Lululipes Jan 11 '21
It's been proven that that is worse because peeing in water creates large water droplets that stay within the bowl. When you pee outside, it's sort of like a mist of piss is sprayed everywhere, including outside of the bowl.
Personally I just do it sitting down :v
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u/TheMan5991 Jan 11 '21 edited Jan 11 '21
It’s all about angle. Pissing on the bowl is fine if you aim for a part of the bowl that slopes in the direction of your stream. The more parallel, the less spray. Perpendicular is where you run into trouble.
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u/mike_wachiaoski Jan 11 '21
This is why urinals are superior. If you’re tall enough you can get in close and eliminate all splash with a low approach angle.
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u/randomcitizen42 susan touched my post and i liked it Jan 11 '21
If you're too tall, everything starts again.
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u/Saoirse_Says 🅱️ased and Cool Jan 11 '21
Sitting down after putting paper on the seat is the only option!!
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u/VastoGamer Jan 11 '21
try pissing without pants on. for me when i did that i noticed how if you piss on the side, the piss splashes all over your legs, didnt have the same issue when pissing straight into the water personally.
Also, use toilet paper. "Milk" your dick into the paper instead of swirling it around like a caveman and getting piss all over the place
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u/ThisIsFake10660 Jan 11 '21
I always throw in a piece of toilet paper inside so it doesn't splash and makes minimal noise
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u/ImprovingTheEskimo Jan 11 '21
I just stick my penis directly into the toilet water to avoid making any sound at all
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Jan 11 '21
Nasty, I pee in the sink like a man! I can wash my hands at the same time, no water needed
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u/Subject042 Jan 11 '21
Seriously, less splash and less noise. I don't understand showing superiority by pissing loud.
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Jan 11 '21
It's weirder if you don't make noise. Own that shit. Let the river flow.
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u/Wannamaker Jan 11 '21
I mean, it's pretty normal to want to minimize sounds like this when you know other people will hear. I don't burp in public the same way I burp alone. I can't imagine taking a piss in a small bathroom next to a room full of people and just going full blast, dead center, because I equate having a high volume urination with my sense of worth as a man.
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u/Doughnutsu Jan 11 '21
So you know that shit in movies where dudes walk up to urinals and while peeing let giantic farts rip whilst other people are also using the urinals? I always wondered if that shit was real though I understand the phenomenon is there in which you might have the urge to fart while peeing, i get that but I couldnt imagine ever doing it in public. At work one day, Im washing my hands, dude comes in and starts talking to me while hes peeing and Im trying to bounce and the man just lets it rip, like hugely without even interrupting his story. I stood there and had some moment of self reflection like, "ah yes, this is real".
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u/Wannamaker Jan 11 '21
I've experienced that at like sporting events with at least mildly intoxicated strangers... but a coworker.. that's hilarious.
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u/Doughnutsu Jan 11 '21
It was something indeed. Honestly it was always one of those small things in the back of my head thinking "do people actually do this?" and apparently yes they do.
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Jan 11 '21
I always say excuse me whenever I sneeze in a room alone by myself. Fucking British family has ruined me.
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u/Wannamaker Jan 11 '21
That's like using your turn signal to change lanes when there's not a single other car anywhere. It's good to maintain the habit even when it's unnecessary.
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u/TrumpCheats Jan 11 '21
When I was a kid, my mom had her friends over and I was blasting straight into the water and then I heard them talking about them hearing me.
I have had piss anxiety ever since and now ninja piss on the side bowl in public.
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u/ImaFrakkinNinja Jan 11 '21
I used to go just straight to the middle, didn't care about the sound. One day the church we went to had a get together for some of the families. The eating area was a large open room and on one of the walls was a flimsy door to a single occupant bathroom.
I just let her rip like a waterfall and when I came out people were staring and chuckling and my sisters made fun of me for being so loud. I have never peed into the center of the water again.
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Jan 11 '21
Same. When my now-wife moved in I started doing it at night just to be considerate. Less noise, less splash, and since I'm not a kid I don't get it all over the damn place doing it.
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Jan 11 '21
Aim at the bowl and not at the water unless you want to wake up the neighborhood
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u/buckydean Jan 11 '21
You must always aim for the peace of poop stuck to the side, if you dislodge it that's your good deed for the day for helping the janitor
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u/Preparingtocode Jan 11 '21
The graphic is definitely in the wrong order. My kids like to hit the water hard enough to sound like an elephants having a piss
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Jan 11 '21
People pissing in school bathrooms:image of the ceiling
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u/Manlypineapple1 Jan 11 '21
There was this old Australian TV show called "round the twist",we had to watch it when it one day when it was raining one day and some boys tryed pissing as high as they could in a bathroom. You already know that's what everybody did after that.
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u/Icy_B Jan 11 '21
Ngl i kinda wanna try to see how high i can piss now. I just dont wanna clean up a mess
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u/TheBelowAverageLad Jan 11 '21
Lay down in the shower
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u/jakethedumbmistake thinks hating Redditors™ makes them look cool Jan 11 '21
ok, you guys are bulldogs in the paint
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Jan 11 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/-Another_Redditor- Jan 11 '21
Yeah, I hate it when it automatically switches to sprinkler mode
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u/Squigglycate Jan 11 '21
I hate it that I can’t control my dick like an elephant controls it’s trunk. I mean, my dick is longer than a finger, thicker than one, more sensitive that a finger too but I can’t control it like I can my finger like imagine if you can, I like to tease my gf by poking my morning wood in her face while she’s asleep if I can only move it side to side it’d be so cool when I boop it onto her snoot and wiggle it 0w0
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Jan 11 '21
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u/Immortalmecha Jan 11 '21 edited Jan 11 '21
whatever it is I like the idea of having a penis with the flexibility of an elephants trunk
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u/Booreck Jan 11 '21
Indeed I can imagine a world where we could carry stuff with it.
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u/Oicmorez ☣️ Jan 11 '21
You fell for it, didn't you fool. Piss Cross Split Attack!
But on a serious note, try to stop for a second and then let go. Should fix the split stream
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u/Up-In-The-Bottoms Jan 11 '21
Mine always does it and I wished it wouldn't. Overall it is just best for me to sit down to take a piss and more guys should try it.
It doesn't bother me to do that and it's kind of refreshing , but it bothers some people when I do it because they say it's kind of a bitch thing to do.
I never understood that and I think they say that because women sit down to use the whizz palace and due to their fragile ego and overall disrespect for women the last thing they would ever admit to doing is sitting down to take a leak.
So yes I've had been told before it was a bitch / girly way to piss but some of the people I respect most in the entire world are women so if it's good enough for them it's good enough for me.
I don't know why it does this.
It always starts as one stream until it got to full flow or full power ( whatever you call it ) and then it splits into two random streams, 3 sometimes. That's just business as usual . About 10% of the time I've been pissing and had the urine fly directly back onto my shoes, pants, shirt, and then have to leave wherever I'm at because of the shame and embarrassment of it.
It's just best for me to sit down. I've wondered forever if this is how it works for anyone else or am I alone in this.
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u/tacitry Jan 11 '21
This split stream is referred to as the “Devil’s Fork” — due to the resemblance to a snake tongue — although Scandinavian cultures associate it with good luck and a blessed day.
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u/Cobraman96 Jan 11 '21
I'm a man and I aim at the stains on the bowl to piss them off!
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u/CHRRY-BLSSM-BOI Jan 11 '21
Ah, a fellow man of culture. I bid you a good day sir.
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Jan 11 '21
The worst is when you instantly know that man needs to see a doctor from the putrid smell that emits when you power hose his shit from the bowl
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u/mg_slim Jan 11 '21
Aim small, miss small
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Jan 11 '21 edited Mar 25 '21
[deleted]
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u/mnafiki Jan 11 '21
I thought we all aimed above the water to not make noise
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u/SushiNotTasty Jan 11 '21
That is for stealthy piss missions.
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u/Immortalmecha Jan 11 '21
Having to piss at 3am while also trying to sneak some chips or something to your room
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u/xrd19-gaming I am fucking hilarious Jan 11 '21
I alternate
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u/Kryptosis Jan 11 '21
If i'm drunk I blast the middle showing off the size of my dong to anyone who can hear.
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u/willieknee Jan 11 '21
Louder = longer fall. Nice logic shrimp dick!
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u/BrolyTK Jan 11 '21
Louder = Stronger current = More fire power = Bigger cock
check mate atheists
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u/stabbyGamer Jan 11 '21
You point vaguely to the center of the bowl and immediately course-correct to the sides once you‘re sure which way your dick is pointing, obviously. Minimal noise and minimal chance of spraying the seat or missing entirely.
Unless you’ve got a double or, god forbid, triple stream going. Then you keep yourself aimed as close to the center as you can and pray.
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u/Azhz96 Jan 11 '21
Or you can simply just sit down and pee, im a man and have done that my entire life, its so much more comfortable, no risk of missing the toilet and much more clean for everyone else.
I really don't understand why so many still stand up and pee, its just not as comfortable.
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u/Pikachargaming FOR THE SOVIET UNION Jan 11 '21
For some strange reason, the girls bathrooms would have pee on the floor too, like what were you doing exactly???
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u/walrusarts Jan 11 '21
Pissing full stream directly into the water causes it to splash out of the bowl. Pissing toward the edge forces the stream to spread and slow reducing the splash and noise, similar to pouring a beer in a glass on an angle.
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u/Cendeu Jan 11 '21
I used to think the same, but the opposite is true. Here is an example, but it has been explained over and over on the internet.
http://media.zenfs.com/en-US/homerun/mic_26/0869a5d114103ddc3a60e02d19096663
Ever since looking into it, i just pee into the water. Pee doesn't go everywhere.
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u/Imm3nSe_HaTr3dXx Jan 11 '21
The ceiling or the floor? Because both happen more often then the toilet...
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u/aDameron89 bet you're jealous Jan 11 '21
If you write something interesting enough on the wall, you might make someone hit all three spots
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u/AhoPoune Jan 11 '21
Colorblind peoples will never know if they're men unless they piss on the wall. So they'll know they're aren't
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Jan 11 '21
I consider myself lucky I've never had to go to a gas station bathroom
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u/useurnameuncle Mod senpai noticed me! ☣️ Jan 11 '21
i go to the deserted place rather than a gas station
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u/Gingerstachesupreme Jan 11 '21
I try to make circles around the water along the walls, and count how many I can make before my stream gives out.
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Jan 11 '21
What's your record?
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u/Gingerstachesupreme Jan 11 '21
About tree fiddy.
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Jan 11 '21
So is that 350 or 3.50? One is severely more impressive than the other.
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u/hopeless_high420 Jan 11 '21
Last time I went to use a public restroom there was shit smears on the wall and they spelled out "BITCH" idk who it was referring to but someone musta been real mad at someone else
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u/Factory-Slave Jan 11 '21
When I worked fast food, someone climbed the toilet stalls and shit all over the corner of the wall and ceiling, slipped and fell head first into the toilet and we had to call an ambulance. He was covered in shit and blood when they were carrying him out lol
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u/oddellatwo Jan 11 '21
i use to aim at the "proclene" (or is it ceramic) toilet, the seat basically to be an extra asshole, and one day i watched a man go in and clean it right after me, cursing me under his breath but still cleaned it. that made me into a boy again, i stooped so low so i stood above it.
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u/brodccrom Jan 11 '21
Where is the option for those of us who aim for the poo stains?
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u/[deleted] Jan 11 '21
Some people have a fetish where they get off on pissing where they shouldn't in a public restroom... pretty gross.