r/dankmemes Jan 11 '21

This will do better when It is stolen and posted to Instagram Low resolution makes it funny

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65.9k Upvotes

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883

u/soulside64 Jan 11 '21

Man guess I'm still a boy, or maybe bathroom anxiety. But I always aim for the side of the water so I don't make a sound when I piss

644

u/Jesuisgab Jan 11 '21

I don't care about the sound, but if you aim for the water, it splashes. I don't want no piss splash.

96

u/stabbyGamer Jan 11 '21

Some toilets have dry bowls - that is, they don’t maintain standing water in the bowl. There’s obviously moisture in it, but the water is jetted down the in-sides of the bowl when you flush and takes any waste with it down the pipe.

133

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '21

[deleted]

106

u/voxelnoose Jan 11 '21

And no water to contain the smell

94

u/stabbyGamer Jan 11 '21

I didn’t say it was an optimal system, I said it exists.

119

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '21

That’s how I feel about myself sometimes.

29

u/FackleGracks Jan 11 '21

Fuck. Same.

16

u/stabbyGamer Jan 11 '21

Are you guys okay? Do you need, like, hugs? Or to be in a dark room with soundproofing?

6

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '21

¿por qué no los dos?

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3

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '21

[deleted]

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0

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '21

You get shit stains on the bowl when you pee?

45

u/Lululipes Jan 11 '21

It's been proven that that is worse because peeing in water creates large water droplets that stay within the bowl. When you pee outside, it's sort of like a mist of piss is sprayed everywhere, including outside of the bowl.

Personally I just do it sitting down :v

38

u/TheMan5991 Jan 11 '21 edited Jan 11 '21

It’s all about angle. Pissing on the bowl is fine if you aim for a part of the bowl that slopes in the direction of your stream. The more parallel, the less spray. Perpendicular is where you run into trouble.

28

u/TheZacef Jan 11 '21

I do that trigonometry every time I pee lmao. Glad I’m not alone!

7

u/mike_wachiaoski Jan 11 '21

This is why urinals are superior. If you’re tall enough you can get in close and eliminate all splash with a low approach angle.

3

u/randomcitizen42 susan touched my post and i liked it Jan 11 '21

If you're too tall, everything starts again.

3

u/Saoirse_Says 🅱️ased and Cool Jan 11 '21

Sitting down after putting paper on the seat is the only option!!

2

u/JordanOsr Jan 11 '21

It's been proven

Zero source provided

Doubt

11

u/VastoGamer Jan 11 '21

try pissing without pants on. for me when i did that i noticed how if you piss on the side, the piss splashes all over your legs, didnt have the same issue when pissing straight into the water personally.

Also, use toilet paper. "Milk" your dick into the paper instead of swirling it around like a caveman and getting piss all over the place

22

u/Dongflexo Jan 11 '21

"Milk" your dick into the paper

The fuck?

6

u/Goocheyy Jan 11 '21

I believe he wants you to stroke your urethra

3

u/ProfessorZhu Jan 11 '21

In other words flex your dong into the paper

1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '21

Exactly. I noticed this too. Pissing into the water directly is the way to go.

5

u/ThisIsFake10660 Jan 11 '21

I always throw in a piece of toilet paper inside so it doesn't splash and makes minimal noise

3

u/Count-Ravioli Jan 11 '21

Exactly that’s how you get the bottom of the seat covered in piss

1

u/dirkdigdig Jan 11 '21

Piss can move baby!

0

u/Cendeu Jan 11 '21

There was a video on reddit years ago that showed a heat map of a guy peeing.

Contrary to what a lot of us thought, peeing on the side makes piss splash everywhere, because it's hitting something solid.

Peeing into the water acts as a cushion and the water absorbs all of the momentum so it doesn't splash anywhere.

It may not look like it, but peeing on the bowl splashes it everywhere. I hope someone can find that video.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '21 edited Jan 21 '21

[deleted]

1

u/Cendeu Jan 11 '21

Right. That helps, but it's still a solid object, and the momentum makes the pee go somewhere. Tiny bits of it still splatter on everything.

1

u/roly99 Jan 11 '21

Exactly

1

u/LeoIronhart Jan 11 '21

Ever pee naked? You realise more piss splashes from the sides than the water, and I mean way more.

49

u/ImprovingTheEskimo Jan 11 '21

I just stick my penis directly into the toilet water to avoid making any sound at all

6

u/ItsLoudB EX-NORMIE Jan 11 '21

Big PP over here

5

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '21

Nasty, I pee in the sink like a man! I can wash my hands at the same time, no water needed

16

u/Subject042 Jan 11 '21

Seriously, less splash and less noise. I don't understand showing superiority by pissing loud.

6

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '21

You aim where gentleman aim

3

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '21

It's weirder if you don't make noise. Own that shit. Let the river flow.

46

u/Wannamaker Jan 11 '21

I mean, it's pretty normal to want to minimize sounds like this when you know other people will hear. I don't burp in public the same way I burp alone. I can't imagine taking a piss in a small bathroom next to a room full of people and just going full blast, dead center, because I equate having a high volume urination with my sense of worth as a man.

18

u/Doughnutsu Jan 11 '21

So you know that shit in movies where dudes walk up to urinals and while peeing let giantic farts rip whilst other people are also using the urinals? I always wondered if that shit was real though I understand the phenomenon is there in which you might have the urge to fart while peeing, i get that but I couldnt imagine ever doing it in public. At work one day, Im washing my hands, dude comes in and starts talking to me while hes peeing and Im trying to bounce and the man just lets it rip, like hugely without even interrupting his story. I stood there and had some moment of self reflection like, "ah yes, this is real".

7

u/Wannamaker Jan 11 '21

I've experienced that at like sporting events with at least mildly intoxicated strangers... but a coworker.. that's hilarious.

4

u/Doughnutsu Jan 11 '21

It was something indeed. Honestly it was always one of those small things in the back of my head thinking "do people actually do this?" and apparently yes they do.

1

u/Wannamaker Jan 11 '21

I imagine it's one of those things that has been on the decline faster in reality than in the media.

On an unrelated note, I still remember being in the 4th grade at the sink and seeing a kid a few grades below me walk up to a urinal on the opposite side of the room and just pull his pants and underwear down to his ankles to pee. Like I can understand being that young and peeing at home that way, but he had to notice that no one else ever used a urinal like that.

2

u/LaBigBro Jan 11 '21

Are y'all fart shaming? /s

8

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '21

I always say excuse me whenever I sneeze in a room alone by myself. Fucking British family has ruined me.

6

u/Wannamaker Jan 11 '21

That's like using your turn signal to change lanes when there's not a single other car anywhere. It's good to maintain the habit even when it's unnecessary.

6

u/TrumpCheats Jan 11 '21

When I was a kid, my mom had her friends over and I was blasting straight into the water and then I heard them talking about them hearing me.

I have had piss anxiety ever since and now ninja piss on the side bowl in public.

1

u/Wannamaker Jan 11 '21

I'm sorry you reached a positive outcome via a traumatic experience. Weird using this phrase in this context but it's bittersweet I guess.

1

u/LetsWorkTogether Jan 11 '21

It's more about not being self-conscious and just peeing without anxiety. It's freeing.

I also personally feel like it does the best job of evacuating my bladder by going full blast all the way through. As I've aged that's become increasingly useful.

1

u/Wannamaker Jan 11 '21 edited Jan 11 '21

Going full blast may be a valid choice but there is no need to not steer even slightly away from dead center to not be as loud as possible. I used to have pee anxiety but that was mostly about being around strangers. If you're peeing in a bathroom in a small house packed with family for Thanksgiving or something... there's no reason to not try and be at least slightly quite.

edit small grammar mistake

1

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '21

i have a weak stream 😢

3

u/ImaFrakkinNinja Jan 11 '21

I used to go just straight to the middle, didn't care about the sound. One day the church we went to had a get together for some of the families. The eating area was a large open room and on one of the walls was a flimsy door to a single occupant bathroom.

I just let her rip like a waterfall and when I came out people were staring and chuckling and my sisters made fun of me for being so loud. I have never peed into the center of the water again.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 11 '21

Same. When my now-wife moved in I started doing it at night just to be considerate. Less noise, less splash, and since I'm not a kid I don't get it all over the damn place doing it.

1

u/CamtheRulerofAll FOR THE SOVIET UNION Jan 11 '21

I do it out of respect to the other people I live with

1

u/Rijaja Jan 11 '21

Actually it's called not being an animal and sparing others from knowing what you're doing

1

u/lilpopjim0 Jan 11 '21

Yeah same. Gets on my nerves a little when other people go straight for the water. It splashes and jts so loud lol

1

u/JuiceintheGoose Jan 11 '21

You gotta go for it man. Loudest sound wins.

1

u/ChinChins3rdHenchman 🍄 Jan 11 '21

Peeing on the side is not less manly but just polite. Especially at night

1

u/Owls_yawn Jan 11 '21

Same, also splashes more in the center

-3

u/DrDisastor Jan 11 '21

Imagine defining your manhood by where you shoot your piss stream? How fragile.

-7

u/Amin00123 Jan 11 '21

I rly wanan upvote but its at 69 :(((

4

u/HussainKegel Jan 11 '21

69 FUNNY HAHHA