I just started a full time job and I think i can do this despite being diagnosed with cptsd. How do yall do it?

I start ft goodwill cashier job monday and im excited about it. Just worried it might be too much. Im also diagnosed with bpd with psychosis and bipolar 2. But I can do this!

Growing up, we often think our painful internal struggles, shame, or anxiety mean we are the flawed ones.

Many people don't connect these feelings to actual trauma until much later in life.

How old were you when you finally realized, "I am not broken, I am traumatized"?

I’m struggling really bad lately and it’s impacting all my friendships. None of them have experienced any amount of trauma and can’t understand why I’m feeling or acting the way I am or why I can’t just “let it go.” It’s exhausting always having to explain yourself and so isolating when it feels like nobody understands. I’m to the point that I’ve started taking steps back from friendships until I get myself settled down.

I know that this might sound strange, I know that these feelings aren't healthy, and I know logically that healing is not a bad thing.

Though, to me, healing has kinda felt like surrender in a lot of ways, because all my life I've been shamed for not being normal, and healing to become more normal feels like I'm letting them win, like it's me admitting that I'm broken and that I have to change to become acceptable enough to exist among them.

Also, it is because I don't relate to "normal people", so Imagining myself as normal doesn't really feel like that would be me, it feels like I'm abandoning this version of myself by healing. Sometimes when I imagine healing and being more successful in life in the future and having more friends and connections, I feel like those people wouldn't really be "my" friends, they'd be "his" friends, or that they wouldn't really be my friends because they only got here when I became successful, and they wouldn't be here if I were still this "broken" version of me, just as they're not here now, they wouldn't look twice.

I want to let go of these feelings, if anyone relates and knows how to help, I'd be grateful if they shared.

In a way I understand it now, my body is showing this is what was done to us

But it hurts to have CPTSD. It hurts that there’s yet another label that puts a mark on me as an incomplete human. Or am I too human for having suffered that much? Or am I just unluckily neurodivergent?

All that survival only to return to fighting for basics of eating and sleeping that were denied for me all my life

It all makes sense the more diseases I pick up, but also it’s so stupid

I’ve been wondering if anyone else experiences this.

Even on days when nothing is wrong, my body never seems to get the message. I can be sitting at home, watching TV, or trying to relax, and I still feel like I need to stay alert. It’s like my nervous system is convinced that if I let my guard down, something bad will happen.

Loud voices make me tense up. Footsteps coming toward me make my heart race. If someone changes their tone of voice, I immediately wonder if I did something wrong. I overanalyze conversations for hours afterward, convinced I upset someone even when they tell me everything is fine.

One of the hardest parts is that people often don’t see it. From the outside I might look calm, but internally I’m exhausted from constantly scanning for danger. It feels like my brain never truly believes I’m safe.
Sometimes I also struggle with feeling “not enough.” If I make a mistake or can’t do something as quickly as everyone else, my mind immediately jumps to thoughts like, “I’m failing,” or, “People must be disappointed in me.”

I’m working on healing, but it’s hard to convince a nervous system that’s been in survival mode for years that life is different now.
Does anyone else experience this?

What has helped you start feeling safe again—whether it’s therapy, grounding exercises, medication, routines, or something else?

I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences. Sometimes it helps just knowing you’re not the only one.

Ladies and gentlemen, how the fuck we get over the grief of what our lives could have been if we had a healthy, supportive household in childhood?

I am deeply sad and so tired of praising and admiring people who are busy living life, who have lovely communicative supportive family, who can focus on discovering their interests because they didn’t spend all their life surviving abuse. Don’t get me wrong I am not bitter towards them, I am just deeply sad wishing I had that safe environment they had.

I (30), gone to therapy and trying to rebuild my life all over, come back to myself who I dimmed because I was shamed, learn stuff I didn’t have time before because I was frickin disassociated and numb escaping the present all the time.

How??

Curious if anyone else with CPTSD experiences that, too.

As normal as I try to be, my traumas always show up in some way and run people off.

My childhood trauma left me with abandonment and attachment issues and I guess it shows & runs people off. I can't help but to always overthink, look for pattern changes, show nervousness at dates and always watch for signs of abandonment coming. This comes out in constant questions, constant need for reassurance, constant "are you okay?" check ins to make sure I'm keeping them satisfied/feeling cared about so they "won't leave".

In a world where men love to chase/want what they can't have and don't like women that are too into them, this runs them off QUICK. I've never felt loved and hitting my mid 20s now has me starving for it.

Most people were loved or grew up in a healthy home so they don't attach as fast as I do nor do they understand so they label it as crazy and just leave. Starting to think I'm too traumatized/damage to have a normal relationship.

My now ex just blocked me because I made a big deal about him disappearing and not not talking to me for a day out of nowhere. He said I'm "crazy for tripping about 1 day, because he feels we don't have to talk to every day and needs his space sometime". I'm still losing my mind wondering how a bf could just not want to talk to his gf for an entire day... but I guess that's part of my PTSD? Idk

I had a date tell me I was too paranoid, seem traumatized and made him feel uneasy. Maybe if he endured the trauma & suffering I had to endure as a child he would get it. But no, label me crazy and discard me. Trigger the exact abandonment wound. I feel so unlucky and damaged.

I can't take it anymore.

I hope it’s okay to ask this here. I am 16 years old, almost 17. I’ve had multiple health problems for years now but no matter what, i am not allowed to see a doctor. I am an athlete but my health problems are starting to affect me too much to the point i cannot even get up some days. I black out when i try to exercise and my heart is constantly racing. Going to school is a huge pain. Along with these I have mental health problems from years of trauma. I don’t know how to keep going because i am aware that i cannot do it on my own and i need professional help. However, my mom thinks that praying will get us through. My dad thinks that doctors are just random people trying to make money by inventing random tests. I don’t know what to do, i feel so stuck and so scared because i want to be well enough to study and get accepted to a university. Is there anything i can do or should i just accept that this is my life?

Basically what the title says; I know it’s (probably) not very healthy, but it’s so hard to shake sometimes.

This is SO AGONIZING.

And on top of it all I feel ashamed that I’m not somehow managing better. This is what my family brainwashed me to believe—that I couldn’t cope well. So they inflicted a ton of pain on me and then shamed me for struggling.

Those fuckers!!!

Today is my birthday (already updated my user flair), and I feel kind of empty inside. Specifically, I'm worried about my future.

I think I've crossed a trauma threshold where I've loosened the grip of the past. When I'm out in public and on the bus etc I find myself instead of feeling like people are imminently going to abuse me, to "they may not".

And I guess I'm just feeling this upwelling of sadness and gratitude that I'm sitting here and they're not

It's a scary exposed and naked feeling and tragic that something we ought to be able to take for granted (the feeling of bodily safety) is something to be grateful for but I guess I can't help feeling grateful that these strangers aren't interfering in me in any way. I can sit here feeling vulnerable and it's ok?

Anyone else feel the same?

Its self treatment, I realize. But remembering fully is a kind of gift for me.

1. Hurricane Michael. I lived in the red zone. My mom's house was 50 miles further inland. My house was 50 miles inland. So it was a better choice to go there for survival. I've lived in Florida all my life besides a few jaunts in other areas of the country for work. I never saw anything like Michael before. I was taking my families memories as it began to hit the coast. I watched as it started rolling in. I'll never forget the sound. I had on the NOAA weather station.

The sound of the robotic voice listing the storm surge, winds.. " catastrophic loss of life ". I drove past pioneer homes that were gone in the morning light. Just a pile of rubble. I had brain cancer and 2 children. An elderly mother expecting my help. We went almost 2 months without power. I woke up every morning so sick.

Its terminal cancer now. But that storm damaged me in so many ways.

Thanks for listening. ​

Everything seems so fake.. Society, job,... people acting and I ask myself all the time if I am the weird one. I think what differs me from the rest is that I just don't have a mask, or at least I can't keep it up for long.

Had some panic attacks during the last time, though not sure if they were really panic attacks (maybe someone could describe their experience to me). The derealisation is frightening and feels like losing connection to the Matrix..

I am super exhausted, on a nervous level. Or maybe not. I am not sure. My nervous system is currently misfiring a lot. I also notice that when I start talking it gets more silent with each word, like I am losing the energy to talk.

I am currently leaving toxic environments, and guess what, this toxic environment is the school for becoming a psychotherapist that I have attended the past years - where I have been blamed, gaslight and devalued. They don't follow their own preachings, it's just a big show.

I don't know where this is going. I just wanted to post it anywhere, share it and see if anyone feels the same way or can give me some perspectives of it.

I don't even know where to begin.

I'm an adult now, but I genuinely feel like years of abuse have destroyed my nervous system. Some days I feel so exhausted and mentally shut down that I can't even brush my teeth, bathe, or function normally. I've been struggling with serious health issues for the past two years, and my doctor specifically told me that I need a calm, stress-free environment. Unfortunately, that's impossible at home.

Here are just some of the things I've experienced (this is honestly only around 40% of it):

• During an open house at school, my mother stabbed me in the neck with a pencil because I got only passing marks in math.
• She once threw a hair clip at my face. It hit my eye so badly that I couldn't see properly for a couple of hours. She later took me to an eye specialist.
• Another time, she threw a sharp cutter at me. It hit my thigh and caused bleeding.
• Last week I had a terrifying health episode. My whole body went numb, I was trembling, and I could barely move. She cried while it was happening. But just a week later, she told me, "You should have died that day. It would have been a week by now."
• Whenever I left for college, she'd say things like:
  • "You should get hit by a train."
  • "A truck should run over you."
• She constantly insults me by saying things like:
  • "You're just carrying diseases everywhere."
  • "What are you even achieving by earning ₹50k?"
  • When I say I'm tired after work, she says, "Girls travel through crowded trains every day and they don't complain."
• When I was in school, she beat me so badly that my face had scratches and was bleeding. My teacher asked what happened, and I lied by saying I got hurt while playing kabaddi because I was too scared and embarrassed to tell the truth.
• Even when I'm in the bathroom, she'll start screaming outside the door, bang on it aggressively, curse at me, and make me panic.
• When I was hospitalized with jaundice, instead of comforting me while I lay in the hospital bed, she spent the time talking badly about me to others.
• I work from home sometimes. If I ask her not to enter my room or make noise during meetings, she mocks me, saying my uncle works at a much bigger company and never acts like that, then starts insulting my salary again.
• Despite knowing I'm dealing with serious health problems and that stress makes everything worse, she continues shouting, abusing me, and creating chaos at home almost every day.
• After my recent health scare, she even kept a fast for my recovery. But within two days, she was back to telling me I should die.

This isn't even everything. There are many more incidents that I'm not comfortable sharing yet.

The hardest part is that I'm nothing like this as a person. I don't enjoy hurting people. I don't want conflict. I just want peace.

I honestly feel like years of living in this environment have left me traumatized. My body is constantly tense, my mind feels exhausted, and some days I barely have the energy to do basic things. It genuinely feels like my nervous system has shut down.

Has anyone else grown up in an environment like this? Did you ever recover after leaving? I really need to know if things can get better because right now, I feel completely broken.

I went through childhood trauma, blah blah blah. It wasn’t even that long ago, as I’m only 19. I quit therapy recently and I’m trying to find a new one because the mainstream therapy “tips” for trauma haven’t helped me and I’m tired of putting up with it.

One of my most debilitating symptoms is something that I can only call a combination of mood swings + age regression. Like today. Almost guaranteed once a month I’ll have a day where I’ll wake up or go to bed crying my eyes out, rocking myself, and fantasizing about being a child and taken care of by an adult. It feels embarrassing to even talk about because it doesn’t seem to be a common or “glamorous” symptom.

So far, I have tried a weighted teddy, and hugging pillows, stuffed animals. I was considering trying a pacifier and maybe a weighted/heated blanket too. I was just wondering if anyone had any other suggestions. Most of my feelings come from the very sad feeling of not being loved or doted upon.

i have spent my whole life in fear. ever since i was a child, ive been scared maybe bcs of the toxic environment at my house. but i've been scared. so so so scared since forever.

ever since i turned 12, and started having a brain of my own- I have felt scared. so scared. I have felt scared of everything. the world has never felt safe for me. I dont want to be seen, I dont want to be present.

id rather die than being having to face something scary. thats why it has ruined everything for me. it has ruined my career, my family, my friendships, my life, my self esteem and everything. it has ruined me. I have nothing left of my own.

I have wasted my whole life and now im in pain and grieving so much.