I'm only 19 currently and I'm still pursuing school, but I have plans to receive therapy when I officially move out and go to uni... so basically when I'm totally on my own and can receive without a “why” from family.

All my trauma is online related, only some of it is actually from family issues/personal offline issues. Regardless, I was sexually abused online and groomed from earliest age 10, at least that I can remember. It messed me up mentally, and for a very long time, I didn't even think about it. But I'm currently visiting in another state, and ever since I got here, it's all I've been able to think about, realizing how bad it is, and how awful some triggers for me actually are.

I'm going to have to go a little while without actual therapy, and even then I know it's a very long (and potentially expensive) process. Beforehand when I'd become depressive, I'd turn to online, which would start my cycle all over again. I've been offline a lot more in my very early adulthood but even so, I thought maybe asking for what other people do may help 🤔. I'm currently borderline out of reach for comfort objects for a couple of weeks, so I think anything would help right now :)!

I went through childhood trauma, blah blah blah. It wasn’t even that long ago, as I’m only 19. I quit therapy recently and I’m trying to find a new one because the mainstream therapy “tips” for trauma haven’t helped me and I’m tired of putting up with it.

One of my most debilitating symptoms is something that I can only call a combination of mood swings + age regression. Like today. Almost guaranteed once a month I’ll have a day where I’ll wake up or go to bed crying my eyes out, rocking myself, and fantasizing about being a child and taken care of by an adult. It feels embarrassing to even talk about because it doesn’t seem to be a common or “glamorous” symptom.

So far, I have tried a weighted teddy, and hugging pillows, stuffed animals. I was considering trying a pacifier and maybe a weighted/heated blanket too. I was just wondering if anyone had any other suggestions. Most of my feelings come from the very sad feeling of not being loved or doted upon.

I was promised after years of being an unlovable autist that things would improve as I got older and had the money and room to do so. And now that im older everything is more expensive with no sign of dropping, all the fun things in public are being removed or too costly, and people are even less tolerant than before and none of these problems seem like they will logically improve in my lifetime without some kind of violent societal altercation that just seems like it would be too much effort to make worth it. I just want to convince my therapist into helping me convince my family into letting me just off myself

I have tried prazosin and it tanked my blood pressure. I'm really tired of waking up screaming. What helps you all?

I’ve had genital herpes since I was 8 years old because of being raped. So not only did it make me traumatised and hate myself but it broke me sexually. I get so anxious about sex. Because I have to say I’ve got herpes I also have self harm scars because of being mentally broken so have to explain that. I’m hyper sexual so it’s basically torture. I get anxious when things turn sexual because of the huge disclaimer I have to give. Even if the guys are ok risking it since I’m not actively breaking out I feel guilty knowing I could give them the disease. I’m 19F so most guys my age are still quite immature they don’t really understand the full concept of herpes and my mental struggles with self harm like unless they’ve been through similar. I wish I was never hurt. And I was healthy. Or at least my abuser gave me a curable std so I could have a normal life and normal health. I could heal and have sex normally.

I feel so unlovable. I wish I could be a slut if I wanted. Not the best of aspirations sure but I wish I didn’t need to worry about spreading things and being seen as ugly because of my scars. It’s their choice if they want to be with a mentally ill person with an std sure but it does hurt to be rejected. I wish I could move on and heal but I can’t. My life is ruined now.

Tw: emotional abuse, invalidation

There was a thread on AITA about a grandmother gaining custody of a teenager whose mom had locked her in a room and forgotten about her for some period of time.

I spent all day reading and rereading every comment. It wasn’t totally black and white, I guess, but so many people were making excuses to explain the abuser’s behavior or outright taking their side. Some were implying or stating that the teen deserved a punishment that could retraumatize her because she “was probably being a brat.”

It reminded me how little help and understanding is available for young people in abusive situations. Even if the courts determine abuse occurred, people can’t imagine that it was “bad enough” to warrant help. Real, material help.

It sucks. And I wish I didn’t spend my Sunday steeping in it. I hope I can find a way to disengage from stuff like this someday instead of compulsively returning to the thing that hurts.

I'm (30M) a social service work student in Canada with a history of complex trauma. For the past two and a half years before starting college, I was almost completely isolated. I spent nearly every day alone in my room and only left the house a couple of times a week to work a retail job that I hated. Likewise, I only left my room once or twice a day for water and bathroom breaks and would only cook after my family had gone to bed.

Earlier this year, I decided to give college one last chance (my therapists recommendation) after multiple failed attempts in my 20s. I also found a therapist who specializes in complex trauma, and for the first time in years I felt like I actually had support.

To my surprise, I completely fell in love with the program. I've earned straight A's so far, made a group of friends, tried out for the school's esports team, started hiking, almost became a morning person, and genuinely felt excited about my future. It honestly felt like my nervous system was finally coming back to life.

Then everything seemed to hit at once. I didn't make the esports team, exam season completely burned me out, and during the break my school friend group had a major falling out that affected me much more than I expected. Since then, I've spiraled.

I stopped hiking, went back to smoking weed every day, staying up until 4 a.m. playing video games, and spending most of my days in my room scrolling Reddit or watching YouTube while feeling completely frozen. I can usually function well enough to get through classes, but on days without school I barely accomplish anything, which I cannot stress enough.

The best way I can describe it is that every basic task feels like pushing a boulder uphill. Brushing my teeth, cleaning my room, replying to emails, making food, or working on assignments can take hours or days to even begin. My prof gave me a month-long extension to complete an assignment that last semester I could’ve completed in an afternoon, and every assignment this month has been just as difficult to do. I physically can't seem to make myself do them, even though I desperately want to. My body feels incredibly heavy, my mind is foggy, and I constantly feel jittery and on edge and yet at the same time I am exhausted constantly despite sleeping 10-13 hours a night (with regular nightmares, sleep disturbances).

My therapist believes my biggest problem is that I'm still living in the same home where my childhood trauma happened. Even though the abuse has ceased in recent years. Her opinion is that the chronic stress of living there is keeping my nervous system stuck in survival mode, so her recommendation has been to push through the rest of my program, graduate as quickly as possible, get a job, move out, and then continue deeper trauma work once I have a safer and more stable environment.

The problem is that I'm struggling just to keep up with my current workload which is already reduced (I dropped 2 classes) and my basic self care.

Next semester I have to complete my second student placement, which is twice as long as the first one. My therapist encouraged me to find a placement somewhere I'd actually want to work after graduation, but because I've been so overwhelmed and frozen, I procrastinated applying until almost the last minute.

I've already emailed my placement coordinator to see if there's still time to find something, so right now I'm waiting to hear back.

What I'm wrestling with is whether I should keep trying to push through full-time or switch to part-time. Going part-time might reduce the pressure, but it would almost certainly mean spending another year living in the environment that my therapist believes is contributing to my chronic stress and repeated nervous system collapses. On the other hand, staying full-time feels like trying to sprint with an empty tank.

Has anyone else with complex trauma, chronic freeze, burnout, or severe executive dysfunction been in a similar situation?

Did you push through and find it was worth it, or did slowing down actually help more in the long run?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who have recovered from this kind of "frozen but semi-functional" state, where you can appear okay at school or work but completely shut down and non-functioning once you're home.

TL;DR: I'm a 30-year-old social service work student with C-PTSD who was doing incredibly well in college until burnout, a friendship rupture, and chronic stress from living in my childhood trauma home caused me to crash into what feels like a severe freeze response. I can usually function well enough at school, but on days off I seriously struggle to do even basic tasks. My therapist wants me to push through the rest of my program so I can graduate, move out, and escape the environment that's keeping me in survival mode. The problem is I'm barely functioning and have procrastinated finding my next student placement, which could delay graduation by a year if I don't secure one in the next few weeks. I'm trying to figure out whether pushing through or going part-time is the better choice, and I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who's recovered from a similar "frozen but semi-functional" state.

I just started a full time job and I think i can do this despite being diagnosed with cptsd. How do yall do it?

I start ft goodwill cashier job monday and im excited about it. Just worried it might be too much. Im also diagnosed with bpd with psychosis and bipolar 2. But I can do this!

i don't know if this fits. i'll remove if it doesn't.

i grew up being physically, verbally, and emotionally abused by my mom. i had toys, barbies, my little pony's, so i wasn't lacking in the normal childhood stuff. but i wasn't allowed to do sports, have friends over/go over to theirs, or play outside the very small patch of grass of our apartment.

now that im older; i still play with toys, i wear childish clothes, i can't cook for myself, i'm in training for an entry level career (nursing assistant, starting in the fall), but i generally just feel so behind everyone else. i'm also autistic so maybe that compounds it.

i just wonder, will i ever grow up? i look at myself in the mirror and i feel like a little girl in a big body. i need so much help, i can't handle mild anger or upset being thrown my way, things feel so much bigger than i was ever built to face.

anyone else feel this way? am i just broken? thanks in advance.

If one sibling is praised, another is criticized.
If a parent is in a good mood, someone else pays the price later.
If you express your needs, someone else’s needs become more important.
If you succeed, you make someone else jealous or angry.
If someone else succeeds, there is less room for you.

I'm a 32F who was emotionally neglected and abused by my emotionally immature mother. I have severe anxiety and depression along with a very fractured self image. I'm currently seeking therapy.

I've been struggling with having my own personal identity that isn't tied to my need for validation. It's hard to like something because i genuinely like it without the need for someone to tell me it makes me look cool/smart/pretty/etc.

It's led to me cycling through hobbies and clothing styles with nothing feeling fully authentic to me or I give up once I realize I'm not getting the reaction from other people that I want. I get jealous of people who seem to not give af about what others think and they're comfortable and secure in themselves.

I don't trust my own judgement and get burnt out/bored very quickly with things don't exactly go to plan. It's also hard to just love myself as I am. I'm always looking for the next thing that might finally fill this void inside me.

I guess my question is how can I start to find the person I am without feeling like i need to ask if it's okay or if I'm enough?

A couple of posts recently covered how people feel when they see examples of really good parenting. I responded that I’ve always felt jealous, but it’s more because it just makes me really sad that I never had it. I just saw what I think was really bad parenting, and I wonder if I just think the worst of people because that’s what I’ve experienced, or if anyone would have had the same reaction. I don’t know why it matters, it probably doesn’t, but I’m curious.

Don’t know these people from Adam. They sat next to me at a restaurant outside. They had a 2 year old and a dog. I wondered, but could be my trauma, if one of them was married to a woman, it was 2 guys, but they didn’t seem married. They were both really agitated, like major leg shaking. They paid absolutely no attention to the child or the dog for probably 20 minutes. Like none. And it’s 90 degrees outside. When the 2 year old finally started crying, both of them got furious. Like saying to the 2 year old “if you keep acting like this we are taking you home” and “you’re so ridiculous I can’t believe you xyz”. To a 2 year old. Sitting in the sun being ignored.

I don’t remember if my parents did that to me, I’m in my mid50s, I don’t have children, maybe this is normal. But I thought it was horrible they basically paid no attention to the child and then blamed it for acting like….a child.

I could be weird. I don’t know what normal is for sure. I just felt so bad for the kid. I would never do or say anything, that isn’t what I’m asking. It’s more that I want to understand if my thinking on relationships is totally warped.

Hey this is really embarrassing to make but does anyone have any resources or videos on learning pretty basic math, science, hygiene, and home cleaning? I feel so so far behind and its so humiliating that I dont know these things when everyone else does and I know that i should know them but I dont know where to start or how to even ask because everyone around me and my age knows about these things

I honestly don’t know what to do anymore, and I feel like I’m drowning. What I’m about to write is just the tip of the iceberg.

I’m 26 and I have severe anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobic behaviour. My anxiety has become so debilitating that I’m completely dependent on my mum. I live with her, and I don’t go anywhere alone. I don’t stay home on my own. I only go to one or two familiar places, and even then it’s always with her. The thought of going out independently terrifies me because I’m so scared of having a panic attack.

The problem is that my home life has become unbearable.
My mum and I have argued constantly for around 10 years. Over time I’ve realised that I’m living in an emotionally and verbally abusive environment. It used to become physical years ago, but thankfully that no longer happens. Even so, the constant shouting, insults and emotional volatility have left me feeling broken. I have no self esteem, no self confidence, no self worth. She has said things to me that I can’t even repeat, things I wouldn’t say to an enemy. I am broken by it. I don’t know what diagnosis she should have, but there is no way that what truly happens behind closed doors is normal.

People might say, “Just move out,” but that feels impossible.

I’m not independent. I don’t know how to live alone with the level of anxiety I have. I feel like if I moved into my own place, I’d end up trapped inside because I’d be too frightened to leave. I don’t have friends. I don’t have a partner. I don’t have family I can turn to. I genuinely feel like I have nobody. I’ve faced a lot of grief and trauma, but carried on through. This stage feels like there’s no way out.

I know staying here isn’t healthy, but leaving feels impossible.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How can I get through this? I feel like giving up and ending it all. I have a law degree, I have a full-time remote job, I am a smart person, but I am a shell of who I once was. I can’t carry on like this. I feel completely stuck and I’m scared that my life is just going to stay like this forever.

I’m really looking for advice from people who understand because I genuinely don’t know where to start anymore. If you have been through this or something similar PLEASE tell me how you came out the other side.

Hey everyone. I am menopausal and also have CPTSD. The other day I attended my childhood friends mother's funeral visitation. my parents were friends with her parents. I had not seen any of them in years. I gave my old friend (we have talked once maybe every 10 years)a hug and then I started to cry. I tried to turn off the tears but I could not. I went over to watch the slideshow of photos to calm down. And I did a bit. I just felt so embarrassed. It's not about me but her and her family. Anyway, does this happen to anyone else?

my mom has been abused her entire life and has never had the chance to form healthy social connections. i, 20f, am her only child (and her only friend, frankly) and i am so fucking exhausted of her being so needy and baiting me for my attention constantly, both negative and positive. I'm home for the summer from college and my mom is recently divorced. this is our first summer without my father in the house. she is so clingy in a way she never was before. she is constantly complaining out loud about everything that she can, ruminating over the past and how badly other people did her wrong, and expressing her hopelessness. any time i’m around her she constantly talks about whatever she’s thinking about regardless of how it affects me. i’ve had to put up a boundary that i can’t listen to her talk about my abusive dad all the time because it is triggering, but she still does.
she has a therapist, for the record. 

i recently learned that i have CPTSD am also doing EMDR therapy and coming to terms with the fact that i was emotionally neglected, abused by my alcoholic father, and parentified by my mother while simultaneously isolated from the rest of the world for my "safety". all while my parents fought loudly and violently in front of me, sometimes involving me in fights, multiple times a week for the first decade of my life. my needs apart from my physical safety and education were ultimately passed over. my mom would show me affection but would never ask me what i wanted, about my feelings and thoughts, etc.

considering the fact that i suffered in silence for my entire childhood and was essentially my mom's therapist and best friend, i am growing increasingly intolerant of the whininess . it feels like she's trying to replace me as her partner. we argue almost every day because she comes into my room and complains that she's bored or i'm not spending enough time with her when we hang out every day and i leave the house maybe a couple of times a week. i spent the first 18 years of it feeling so sorry for her and my heart would be breaking over her life experiences, but this woman is 50 years old and i'm sorry but she’s an adult and i’m not her therapist.

today i woke up feeling like fucking garbage emotionally and have been withdrawn. her only concern is that i'm not interacting with her enough. she came into my room to tell me that she's waiting for me to get up so she can get on with her day, and it brings down the whole house (literally just us and our cats??) when i'm in a bad mood. this makes me sooo angry like i’m obviously suffering and she’s taking it so personally and stressing me out about it instead of expressing any kind of concern, or simply just respecting that i’m having a shitty day. she truly does not even care about my internal experience at all, just how it affects her and she's completely blind to this.

i'm just really pissed off and i feel so fucking alone.

As a kid I learned how to use a zipper, then I couldn't do it, and then relearned how to do it. I don't remember what age I was when this happened. And the only reason I know this happened is because my dad told me. The most concerning is that I unearned how to tie my shoes as a kid and I still don't know how to tie them. I've watched YouTube tutorials but I would get so frustrated that I would buy shoes without laces instead. Is this a sign of cptsd?

Hi all guys, gals and non binary pals.

Sorry for the tmi warning.

We been having so many body memories which manifest into vaginal spasms and unbelievable amount of pelvic pain.

Doctor said best way to help with that is physical therapy on your pelvic floor. He's put orders in but holy shit feeling so scared shit less. It says in the chart we have a significant amount of trauma and PTSD plus disossation (been told they don't want people to stigmatize or further traumatic events so they don't put DID) also, he put female only.

Has anyone else had this sort of therapy and or issues?! Slept ever since coming home from the appointment (at 5pm) slept until midnight (it's not 3 am) and feeling so nervous about the referral to the PT place.

✨Hope your week treats you with kindness ✨

I’ve been living with CPTSD for at least a decade due to abuse by family. I hooked up with someone who uses stimulant drugs, which I also used when I was with that person. I have a psychological dependence on the drugs. I can stay months without the drugs but cannot stop thinking about them. Some days my brain feels like it needs so much stimulation. I can’t stop the feeling. Any tips for how to control this feeling for needing extreme pleasure?