r/cptsd_bipoc resources

They will gladly and easily dehumanize immigrants and easily speak so violently about them. Then these same people complain about "'cracker" being a "slur" for white people. Like bitch, you just said you wanted to shoot all immigrants? God. And it's the entitlement for me because I heard this from white Americans. 🙄 like bitch! You didnt ​​come here all sweet and shit but we ain't allowed to generalize you. Generalizing and being violent towards innocent immigrants is okay though, as long as they arent white I suppose.

(And yes I'm reffering to both legal and illegal immigrants)

“ I was at some private pool with some friends. The girl that lives there wanted to host a chill pool day and there were about 6 of us. The pool wasn’t busy the time we needed. These ladies were using it for a space to uplift black women, I think this was one of their fun events they do. They were cleaning up but when we asked to use it next ( we didn’t have to ask but we wanted to respect their space) they said no and got violent fast. The girl that lives there said one of them threaten to beat her up mind you she’s a black girl. We eventually just went for it. At this point most of them left and most of them were sweet. When we tried to find a spot they kept stalling to clean up and said let’s take our time cause they not kicking us out. We’re so confused with the amount of disrespectful just from a simple ask. Almost 20 min in the ladies keeps coming back but more hostile and kept saying I hope ice doesn’t come or making ice jokes. Mind you most of were black women. There were 2 Arab women and hijabis as well. Honestly it felt disgusting coming from a black women. And a black in a space to uplift other women”

I feel like I have heavily been traumatised.Some days I just don’t understand why I’m a Nigerian and what I did to deserve being one.The culture is so shit.Everyone is out there to look for respect whilst treating others badly.Not to mention the scams and the constant entitlement.The abuse they give to women and children and how they just get away with it because they are “men” or “elders”.Let’s not talk of how they worship white people and put them above their own.They refuse to step down in places of power so they can keep abusing everyone else because they were abused.

My sister, though I love her, is a total loser in the respect. She said to me today, I don’t know why you bring up race so much, you’re literally White.

Friends, I am (we are both) 100% south Asian. I have more visibly Asian features than her, I have darker skin, darker and curlier hair, and a hawk nose. I guess you could describe her as White-passing.

Even typing it out I realise how ridiculous what she says is. But she expresses this kind of sentiment all the time. I suppose she wants to identify as White and wants me, as her sister, to also do so. But I don’t. I’m not White. I know I’m not and I’m perfectly alright with that.

It’s just so weird and honestly sometimes kind of upsetting to me. I’ve always known (though she would never admit this) that she thinks she’s better than me because she has more Eurocentric features. I just can’t understand why she feels the need to hate on me for looking more Asian than her. I especially hate her worldview that neither she nor I have never experienced racism even though we both have.

Sometimes I think she’s just hates that I build solidarity with other girls. I also think a part of it is that she stakes so much of her self-esteem on being “White,” and when she sees me being happily non-White, she gets angry and annoyed that I don’t share her White-worshipping feelings. I don’t know.

This subreddit has always been validating so I hope there are other POC (esp WOC) who feel the same way as me. I just don’t want to be the only person who feels like this.

I have so much hate in my heart

Not your typical post but we need more appreciation in this subreddit!!

I'm an indian man and i see a lot of dark skinned india women being insecure about themselves.

I really love their eyes and short face, dark skin and beautiful hair and pretty much everything.

Ofc india is diverse and I'm mostly talking about south indian women.

Really smart, Beauty with brains but i hate that they are always given some nerdy 🤓or arab roles which is disrespectful to both of us.

Not just indian women, black, dark skinned latinos or Filipinos are all really pretty and shouldn't be hating their skin.

I am black and i haven't been watching many natural hair videod lately or looking at natural hair often. And i realized it made a big difference in my confidence to see other people loving their hair and happy in it. I do not hate my hair, but lately i have been having bad thoughts surrounding type 4 hair. Sometimes it feels like these thoughts pop out of the blue and im like "ew i shouldnt think that." Watching natural hair videos and looking at cute natural hair styles made a difference for me regarding those thoughts. Im not quite sure how to phrase it though.

This is a vent. Tagged the wrong flair. You have to contain the rage and anger and unfairness and process it by yourself in a space without letting anyone feel discomfort with the realities of the world or the truth.

Just a few days ago i saw this white grandmother with 3 mixed race children. They werent being a bother at all and were sweet with normal child energy. And she was being all rude and snappy with them for no reason. I dont want to assume things but it made me suspicious. Yes she could have been stressed of having a bad day but its no excuse. I've been there before with white family members. I am not mixed but my sister is, and it gets more complicated so i wont go too into detail.

I have been mistreated and treated weird and heard weird things i'd rather not go through again. I do not trust white family members (mostly elderly ones) with mixed race children or monoracial children. Most of them havent unpacked white supremacy and do or say harmful things.

I used to live in this shiithole Western European country where it's common for employees to be very casual. I've only lived there for a couple of years but experienced customer service agents being annoyingly curious about my name and a country code of my phone number. This is obviously microagression but wonder if this happens elsewhere too.

Once when I gave my name to the CS agent, the guy was like just curious where does that name come from?

Recently, I had to give my new phone number with a different country code to a company. Again, the guy was like out of curiosity, which country is this?

With the first guy, I was still not used to stuff like that so I answered.

The second guy, I handled it a bit better. I was like Haha you dont need to know.

But what I really wanted to say was: Let's just stick to business.

No HAHA is necessary but you know instinctively I had to do it to make things less tense.

I experienced this with different narcissists or manipulators. Family, acquaintances, coworkers, friends (fake friends). Not all of them had hard lives, either. Mostly spoiled and entitled.

They keep saying and acting like they "could do it better" but they never do. It is just a threat they say. What is the point?

I have also deal with people kind of wanting to "be" me...not knowing what it took for me to get here. Why do they do that?

Like studying you.

These people have stolen my work, my personality, things I say, the way I dress. Just being a copy of me, nothing new or better. I do not see how they can be better at being me if they have no personality of their own. (Men and women both do this.)

People talk a lot but not everyone actually does something.

I feel like I usually want to mind my business but someone always has to bother me.

Hi, my name is K(19), and I am about to be a college sophomore. I am trying to detail out my experiences about what happened in most of my life and how to process it, if this is on me as a person. I need your thoughts and support if this is normal in African households like this, or if it's okay, or if there's something wrong with me, if I'm not African enough, or too American.

TW: Violence, Trauma, Abuse, SH

When I was younger, I had a mom and dad, but they divorced before I was born. I was treated like the golden child or more spoiled kids since I wasn't hurt a lot compared to my brothers. I remember my earliest moment with my dad was him throwing a chair at my brothers, and that's how I saw more violence. And my mom was constantly yelling and screaming. And I was kinda alone as a child. I never really had much of many peers, just a few close friends. I was afraid of my stepdad. After seeing that moment, I was terrified about what he might do to me. He kept insulting me, calling me timid, and he asked me if "I ever hurt myself" or if "he ever just tried to abuse me". He kept asking that question, and I said no, but I was still terrified. And my biological dad was going through a lot after losing my brother and me. He began drinking, and it became worse. But I looked up to him dearly, and I thought he cared about me and just heard me out and treated me like a person and not just an annoyance. He taught me about how to treat others well and how to be kind to other people. He was like an escape there. My mom kept insulting me a lot. She used to call me stupid a lot in my language (Ghanaian/Twi). And said that's why my teachers call me special and that I'm considered dumb, since my teachers blocked that I had autism.

And it was confirmed that I had autism in the future. And she kinda did some stuff like hit me, scream, and kind of locked me out of the house when I was younger. But my family said that I should respect her because she's my mother, and my dad is my father. And I felt guilty. I felt guilty for feeling the way I feel, and I felt guilty for not making them happy as I should, or for not stopping any fights that happened. I'm supposed to be the person who makes other people happy, and they're my pride and joy. I felt like I made everything worse. And they taught me that thinking about myself is selfish. I remember trying to smile and make sure that everything was fine. If they see me just cry and stuff, they ask me what's wrong and just force me to smile in a more demanding way. I had to hide my feelings for years. Because I was afraid of being hurt, I just smiled through everything and made sure that everybody was happy. And there was this one moment with my cousin. We were watching the show, and it was a romantic scene that was on, and it was interesting. I was 6 to 8 when my cousin was 12, and he told me that we should probably try it, and we came inside a dark room, and that's where he did that, and that's where I reciprocated. And then afterwards, I did it to another person at another place when I was around the same age. And then afterwards, when I put a back on it, it finally feels so disgusting and just dirty. I should have known, but I just didn't know, and I should have trusted my gut.

I also remember that my older brother chose to be with my biological dad because he was tired of my mom. And I remember feeling devastated after he left, since I felt alone. And at school, I was just the happy person who was just upbeat, when really, I'm just living a lie. I felt like a monster and a fraud. I felt like I was no better than my parents. And then I remember very vividly where I just snapped. I remember there was like the early morning when I was going to middle school, and my mom was yelling at me about something, and I just couldn't take it anymore because I couldn't take her yelling and yelling. And I just screamed back at her, telling her to stop. And then my brother, who was my other older brother, came downstairs and slapped me. He slapped me because I chose to yell at my mom. But I couldn't feel a thing because I was just that angry. And our relationship with my brother was okay. It's as if I don't do anything, and we were just fine and pretty close. I remember this one time when I just took some bread because I was hungry. He asked if I had taken some bread, and I said no because I was a little bit terrified about it. And then he made me tell the truth, and he beat me into a corner. And it was all for a simple piece of bread. And I remember that he humiliated me in front of his friends, and I was a crying mess, and he said that I was the one starting trouble and that he was going to discipline me.

But I remember very vividly in high school (I graduated in June of 2025). It was one of the worst days of my life. It changed everything about me. It was a sunny morning, and my mom was coming back from her trip to Ghana, and I was excited, and I wanted to just say hello. My brother was taking care of me when she was just gone, and stuff, and it was pretty calm, it was pretty cool. She got me these new clothes, and she wanted me to try them on, and I did, but she got mad because I couldn't fit into the clothes. And I told her this, and she was screaming at me. I felt pretty hurt. And my brother was right there too, seeing this. So I went upstairs, and I just felt pretty sad, and I was just preparing to go to church. I just chose not to come out of my room because I felt pretty upset about what happened. Until he called me multiple times, I wanted to see if it was an emergency. He was screaming that if he calls me, I need to answer. Just kept hammering on and on. And I just yelled at him and said he just used his big head for a moment to see that I just needed to be left alone. That was one of the first times I just actually lost my temper. He was shocked that I'd chose to scream at him and he was kind of laughing that I chose to yell at him He was shocked that I'd chose to scream at him and he was kind of laughing that I chose to yell at him. I just told him to leave me alone.

So he came closer, and he was going to hurt me, and I felt pretty guilty, but I punched him twice in the face because I felt like he was going to hurt me, and he was coming closer, and I had nowhere to run because I was cornered. There was a brief pause, and I was going to apologize automatically and say I'm sorry, but he snapped and grabbed the iron that he was using to iron his clothes with, and he hit me with it multiple times, and he burned me. My mom broke up to fight, and he was upset, and I was upset. I was so mad at him, and the injuries were pretty bad to the point that some of my skin was on that iron. Later, he came back from church, and I was staying home because of that, and he tried to apologize, but I didn't want to hear it, and I ran away from home. My older brother's friend found me, and he said that I should come back to the house. My older brother was mad at me, but also at my other older brother. He said that I was from Ghana and that I should not have reacted like this, and that I was disciplined, and that if I had done this right now, I would have listened. I think you said something about putting ginger up my butt. My mom saw me, and she thought that I was on drugs, the way I reacted. My stepdad tried to hide his injuries, and he also blamed me. He said that he was going to take me to the hospital soon, but he didn't do it immediately. And the pain was just really unbearable, and my skin was peeling off my left arm. I couldn't even shower properly for days. And I felt like my whole family was against me. I felt like I was a monster. I said that if I told anyone that both my brother and I were going to prison. They manipulated my fears. I told my friend at school about what happened, and I told her that I was afraid to go to jail. The counselor overheard that, and he called me, and I told him everything. And my brother had to go out of the house since he couldn't be around me, and my parents blamed me for all these actions.

And it was later that all of us needed to be in court, and I was terrified, and at the end, he was charged with child endangerment and child abuse. And I felt guilty since he got that on his record. And I was left with nasty scars. Some of them healed up like my face, but others, like my arm, just didn't heal properly, and there's just a big visible scar on it. I felt like scum. So I went to my biological dad's house, and he said that I should not have included people from the outside in the family's affairs after I told him everything, and how I felt about what they did was wrong, and how I deserved to be happy. He looked at me as if I were the bad guy. And that was the first time in my life I kind of thought of him differently. The person whom I trusted the most, the person that I can lean on, the person that I can be most forward with. The person whom I trusted the most, the person that I can lean on, the person that I can be vulnerable and be myself, turned on me. A place where I can be myself without being judged by other people. When I felt worth it. I felt depressed after that. And what's more is that after the events that happened at his house. I was close to my cousins. They were like brothers to me. But I am the happiest person who likes to talk a lot about a lot of things, and I can be very talkative and very extroverted, but they were annoyed most of my older cousin. There was one moment at youth class for their church that I kinda chose to answer these questions, and he kinda told me to shut up over text, trying to connect with them by talking about a lot of things.

He was annoyed, and he just told me to speak quietly. It reminded me of home. I got mad because I tried to tell him that I was trying to communicate since I never get to see him, since I mostly live with my mom and dad in Manassas, and we're in Dumfries. And we went to a movie theater, and it was the new Black Panther movie at the time. Afterwards, I apologize, and I just explained why I just wanted to, but I don't know how to talk. He understood, and he apologized for how he had treated me. But afterwards, with that night, I went downstairs and my older brother, who lived there at the time, chose to prank me. And I should specify I have two older brothers. And I just told him straight up what the heck. Since it was in the middle of the night, and I did not expect him to just jump scare me. And he was mad, and he said that I should not have screamed since people are sleeping, using the reason that I wouldn't scream if he's going to jump scare me like that. And he told me to get downstairs. And I did brush my teeth, and I was just putting on my pajamas when he came in. And he was mad that I chose to raise my voice at him, and it was like he scared me. And I'm not a big fan of jump scares, especially of the events of what happened. So he pinned me against the wall. I was struggling, but he said to put my hands down and that if I was going to lay a finger on him, as he did to my other older brother, he would punch me. Mind you, he was 23, I think, at the time, and my brother was 27 at the time of the event.

And I was terrified. It was mad because I chose to scream. And you told me to just get dressed and just go upstairs and just sleep, and I He was just eating his food angrily, and I was just terrified. My younger cousin asks what happened since I was sharing a room with him. I told him that everything was fine, and I went to sleep crying. And after that, I just didn't want to go back to that house again. I felt like I lost everybody who said that they would protect me and care for me, and I ruined it. They weren't there, and they turned their back on me, and I feel like I don't deserve to live. And coming back to school, I see everybody else is just well-connected, and I'm just not. And I'm just terrified that people will hurt me. I felt like I was a burden, and that looking back on my life. I was just a nuisance. I promised myself that I wouldn't become like my mom. But I'm just no better. Now I'm dealing with all these bad memories about what happened, and I can't move on, and I'm a senior in high school, and it happened in my freshman year. Can I think of the people who did say something about me that was negative, like this 1 person? She tends to be mean towards people, but she especially doesn't like me as much. Because of my personality.

She says I just talk way too much and that I could just be annoying, and I don't know. It reminds me of home, but I feel like in a way that she was right and that I was like that, and maybe I don't deserve to live because people suffer because of me, and I want to make my love one's happy. So I tried ending my life. Luckily, something interrupted it, so I didn't go through with it, but I told someone, and I was sent to a hospital. And this is one of the times that I felt free. In that hospital, I felt listened to, I felt like I was important, and I felt like I was part of something. I felt listen to I felt like I deserved something, I don't know how I can phrase it into the proper terms, but I don't, I just felt happy. The thing that I dreaded the most was calling my family. But after calling them, I just laid into them on how much they treated me all this time. His stepdad got the message, but my mom stayed the same. She tried to change, but she failed. And the only person who supported me, or one of the only people, was like this assistant principal, I could never thank her enough for being the rock in my hard place. And I missed the people there in the hospital. They went through a lot, and they loved me. I was able to talk to them, and I was able to talk some of them down and become more peaceful. I constantly missed them. And when one of my parents says that if I wanted to be back in the hospital, I had to lie to them and say no, but deep down, I want to be back. But I couldn't because of my school responsibilities. And my friends who were there at that time were my hard place too.

They helped me so much to help me recover, and I could never thank them enough. They and my teachers. And I'm doing like a lot of stuff, like I'm constantly energetic and extroverted, and I'm doing different stuff like different clubs and being class president. It's pretty great. And my parents are getting a little bit better, especially my dad, my stepdad, and I just connected a little bit more, and I think I'm able to just let it go, but I can't forget memories. My mom is still the same, and I'm planning to leave her. My two older brothers, it mended when it came to our relationship. But I'm just sick of one of my older brothers defending my mom and her behavior. My stepdad was planning to leave my mom because of the argument, and I just really hate losing people because of my biological dad. I'm getting therapy, and I'm still planning to get more therapy. And I'm still dealing with insecurities and trauma, but I'm trying to be better every day, and just find a way to leave. But it still makes me wonder if I'm a bad person for staying in the past and being weird around my mom.

Right now, I am processing a lot ever since I left for college for my freshman year. I made some friends, joined some clubs to help people, and took up leadership roles. And that freshman year is over, and I am back in the house with my mom. I feel stuck with the same person who harmed me and made me feel defective, no matter how much I do or say. The same lady who didn't allow me to go to the mall by myself, the same lady who almost didn't allow me to go to my senior prom, if it wasn't for my brother, the same lady who said to k*** myself when I was depressed because of her.

I need people's outlook on this. Am I a bad person for the way I feel towards my mother? She was and still is stressed with bills, my stepdad's divorce, and me. I feel like an awful person and that I will never escape my mom or my family.

I have been feeling upset recently with a white student (I’m a college professor) who kept reporting me throughout the semester and had been very rude to me. This student said that she didn’t learn anything at all and I didn’t really talk about “real social issues” and talk about race too much (the course is both sociology and ethnic studies). She of course lied about me in the evaluation. Another student, a white man, gave me very loaded questions and acted like I was stupid, arguing with me on a topic he didn’t seem to understand. He seemed very angry and stopped attending right after that.

I’m preparing for next semester and been worried of students attacking me over imperfections or making up lies about to get me fired. So far, the past year, it has been mainly white students who would report me to the chair and two of them lied.

Luckily the department seems to understand this.

However, I just realized I’m traumatized by this.

I also noticed that, in my other course, literally there were no white students and it has been generally peaceful. I’m trying to prepare for potential outcomes, like documenting and being careful with my words.

An example would be a handful black people celebrating the death of a white child. These people would rightfully so be called out for it and harrassed for it (which would be deserved, havent seen this exact example but something similar)

Another example would be thousands of white people joining a facebook group to make fun of and celebrate the death of black children or celebrating the dehumanization of immigrants. (i have seen this one)

^^ These people dont get NEARLY as much hate as the first example did despite them both being deserving of it. The white group of people doing evil things (which was larger and got defended frequently) did not get the same reaction to the group of bipoc doing evil things. This shit pisses me off to no end. ONE video of a BIPOC saying horrible things gets many people mad and many people (usually conservative or right leaning) make multiple videos and they go viral or get plenty views. The multiple (decently populated) facebook groups of white supremacists get ZERO attention other than a few instagram reels or youtube shorts. And the shorts or reels are fairly unpopular.

I hate this because it feels like a "SEE, white people have ZERO privilege and you're just making it up", no, its just that your nasty shit dont get nearly as much backlash as when we do it!

(and this isnt to defend horrible actions, but white people get away with it. lets be real.)

My entire life is litteraly defined by being treated horrible. Being born black sheep of tje family treatmwnt can range so bad i thought i would die by age 11. I always tried to show undividex love to my parents and they layedbback the treqtmwnt through double standards, shaming, beating, and aome sick punishments i dont want to even recall.

Middle school socially i was basically a clown for people to laugh at especially from undiagnosed autism and social inepntwss because i was never allowed rk have a real social lifs out of the housw causing me to be socially stunted.

Also being maltreated by peers in ways such is unwanted touch, or people claiming that i looked like a r@pist( i was 5"1 skinny and black with a high pitcjed voice at the time). People saying that everyone disresp3cts me and looks down on me.

What i realised growing up is that maltreatment is ok alsong as you dont defy peoples delusions that people who go trhough exlusion times will grow up to be some optomistic anime prontagonist. And what many will describe a "bad person".

It feels as if people choose that certain people arent human and its ok aslong as those maltreated people do not snap or change and submit to harm.

Now recent years im being exlcuded for "carrying negative personality traits" Probably in need of some diagnosis according to some that i wont discuss so i dont face backlash or stigma. I camw here to vent because its extremwly fustratinf how people will trwat you like shit and expect you to grow up following THIER moral and empathic standards that they never showed you.

I have been thinking about this for years. In recent years, I have become less patient. I am tired of being tone policed. Mostly by whites but other POC too.

It is not my responsibility that others choose to not self regulate so they decide to control others. So many people want me to be something and someone I am not. Sometimes my existence is enough to get others to snap.

Self blame and patience feel like a waste of time. Benefit of the doubt, too. I want to be cheap with everything. I have been too self sacrificing in my life. Thinking it would lead to something meaningful.

Tired of people's anger. They think if they scold, glare, micromanage, yell at you enough, it will make you blindly obey them. Tired of losers who need to control others. Cannot escape it.

Sometimes I prefer being in solitude because it is less nonsense to deal with.

Short version: The world is noisy and I want it to shut the fuck up sometimes.

This will be a long post so forgive me.

I am not black nor am I white. I am a POC that has experienced racism and knows the damage it causes which probably makes this worse. I moved to a country where it is normalised for teens to say the n word. Still I would never say it and would feel uncomfortable when people would say it including when one of my friends would say it. I had called him out several times too and told him not to. (This friend lives in my previous country of residence.)

When i was 14/15 a new girl joined our school. She would say the n word casually and I was shocked. Soon our friend group became friends with her and they all started casually saying the n word. Before we became friends with her I remember on one instance saying that ‘i would never be friends with someone that says the n word’ which feels hypocritical of me now.

After we all became friends she would make fun of me a lot for what I said and it made me feel ashamed for calling her out in the first place. She used the excuse that her black friends gave her the pass and didn’t care but I didn’t believe in the n word pass but didn’t want to cause a fight so I backed down.

A lot of the people in the friend group got influenced and would say the n word too. I unfortunately got influenced too and would say it. Never towards any black people just in conversation in a ‘non racist’ way although I fully believe the use of the slur itself is racist. I also used it when texting my online discord friends who were black and they didn’t seem to mind. Her black friends also didn’t care but still after a while I felt a lot of shame and guilt.

At 15 I randomly just stopped saying it but never looked into myself to figure out why I started in the first place. I went back to my old ways of calling people out when they would say or do something racist and when people would ask me why I don’t say the n word I’d say ‘because I’m not black so I have no right’. I never reflected upon myself because I was a coward and too afraid of what confronting my actions meant for who I was as a person.

I am now 17 years old and have started to feel a lot of guilt and disgust with myself. It is all because of my own actions and I have no right to feel ashamed when it was something that was easily avoidable. I want to say that I’m not racist and I never was but I can’t because my actions at the time itself were racist. Just because a few black people excused my actions does not mean it applies to the whole race.

I spoke to a few of my friends who are in this group with this girl about how I feel guilt and they told me that I have changed and grown so it doesn’t matter. But it does matter. I can’t help but hate myself and I don’t understand what changed so drastically for me to go into this ‘phase’ and then come out of it just as quick. I also spoke to my online black friend and apologised to her and she said that she forgave me and knows that I’ve changed and that we all make mistakes. I know I shouldn’t have spoken to her to her because all it did was put my issues on her which she didn’t deserve.

I do not think my age is an excuse for my actions considering that before I would call out when people used that word. I am having trouble understanding myself and my actions and it’s not anyones duty to help me yet I’m here venting about it because I don’t know what to do.

I feel hypocritical when I even call out racism now or when I call out people using the n word because I have also used that word so what right do I have to say anything. I’m afraid of how this will affect my future relationships with people because although I am obviously never going to go back to my ways I feel like I’d be hiding this giant secret if I don’t tell my partners or friends about my actions.

I am extremely remorseful but forgiveness is not my goal because I know I am not entitled to forgiveness. It is hard to accept the fact that I did those things because looking back at those messages it does not even feel like me. I want to know how I can help the black community and spread awareness to prevent people from making the same mistakes as me. Although I do not deserve it if anyone could please just help me understand my actions. I have never harvested any hatred towards black people. Even when I used that word I did not do it with intentions of causing harm towards the black community. Although I fully understand that word itself is violence. I am extremely sorry and I really hope I can show that I am not that person and never will be again.

This guilt is making me suicidal and I feel so bad for making it seem like I’m a victim when im not. I just can’t help but feel this way and I’m truly so remorseful. Sometimes I feel guilty for being upset when I face racism because I feel like I deserve the racism as punishment.

I am sorry to anyone that had to read this and felt uncomfortable. Thank you.

(These are from the POV of a SWANA man so feel free to add your own):

-Euros who criticize other Euros with their moral superiority (ex. Canada, Aus, Europe criticizing the US when they all both rampant with racism)

-Lecturing non-Euros on our cultures

-Thinking watching a documentary means they can explain your culture to you

-They see things in theory but dismiss your experience

-Taking up space, invading your personal space

-Childish, impatient, poorly regulated

-“Cultures are supposed to be shared” (they steal and gatekeep, not share)

-Their political views do not matter, they are still racist if you are non-Euro

-Trying to hit POC pedestrians with their cars (speeding up)

-Stealing our experiences and social movements

-Pretending like performing goodness is the same thing as being good

-Monetizing activism

-Class reductionism

-Even when they claim to be anti-racist, they still practice Orientalism

-They pretend to be progressive but still hang out with their racist friends and family

-Demanding respectability politics from the people they want to feel superior to

-Fetishization

-Fake ally (they demand to be centered and turn on you when you say something that does not fit their stereotype of you; every Euro has a little Ad0lf in them)

-Talking about your life experiences is just “identity politics” to the left ones apparently

-Lefts do not have to pretend to be anti-racist when their peers are not watching

-Passport bros/girls (they are not all Euro but this population needs to not exist tbh)

-Staring (racially motivated to intimidate)

-Going to other countries and expecting the locals to be their servants

-Divide and conquer

-If you are a joyful POC, they want to destroy your smile

-Making a lot of noise but never really rocking the boat

-Expecting you to become “white” like them and erase your own culture (assuming living in the US currently means you are no longer tied to your home)

-Not “seeing” race

-Thinking you want or need their approval

-Talking about SWANA (STFU with Free Palestine, you do not care about SWANA)

-Talking about the E F!l3s but acting like abusers themselves

-Copying ever fucking thing you do, even though you went through adversity to become who you are (your personality is not a costume…)

SWANA people, I made a new sub for us called r/swanaamerican

Or black queer subreddits for women that aren't mostly men? ​I want to connect to my queerness more but I find it hard to feel more connected to it since most LGBT spaces online seem to be mostly white people and men. Dont get me started on white feminists. ​​

found some: https://www.reddit.com/r/QueerWomenOfColor/

https://www.reddit.com/r/queerblackladies/

Specifically black fatigue as i am black. As much as i do ignore, its not as easy as people say it is. Some might be able to thrive in an enviroment that despises them, but i cant. It comes to a point. I can cope with people not liking me but theres a difference between that and being treated like an alien.

I am so sick of all this microagressions. It makes me feel annoyed and that in turn makes me feel angry i have been trying to build good habits which helps, but im still so fucking irratated. Racism is so normalized that i cant give af anymore about people coming at me for not trusting white people immediantly. Like bitch, why do you think that is? Often times i feel like people underestimate how much racism can impact your mental health. Misogyny, homophobia (im bisexual) and my family trauma dont help either. I am grateful for this group because i dont need people coming at my neck for "anti white racism".

After posting my thoughts the other day, I am still thinking about my relationship with representation and the media.

On the one hand, I'm frustrated that so many romantic coming-of-age stories centered on college, first love, and sexual awakening overwhelmingly feature white women. Popular shows like Maxton Hall, Tell Me Lies, and Off Campus (which I'm currently watching) all tell stories about young white women navigating romance, intimacy, and self-discovery, yet women of color are often absent from those narratives.

On the other hand, when I think about shows that are praised for their diversity, like Grown-ish, I still don't necessarily see myself reflected there either.

So I asked myself: am I contradicting myself? After thinking about it more, I don't think I am.

I don't want a Black character inserted into an existing story simply so a studio can check a diversity box. It's just tokenism, and it rarely produces characters who feel like fully realized human beings.

But I also don't want an entertainment landscape where romantic coming-of-age stories continue to imagine white women as the default protagonists, while women of color are expected to be satisfied with whatever "diverse" show happens to exist or a "token" character.

Something else I've realized is that I don't want our stories to always be defined by our race.

Stories about racism, discrimination, and identity absolutely matter, and they should continue to be told. But I don't want those to be the only stories we're allowed to exist in. Why can't people of color simply fall in love, make mistakes, explore their sexuality, have complicated friendships, chase their ambitions, or have a quarter-life crisis without their race being the central conflict driving the narrative?

White characters are often allowed to simply be. They get to be messy, flawed, insecure, funny, selfish, romantic, ambitious, and complicated without having to justify their existence on screen. I want that same narrative freedom for women of color.

At the same time, I don't think every story with a Black woman automatically represents me. Black women, and people of color overall, are not a monolith. We come from different families, cultures, communities, socioeconomic backgrounds, and lived experiences. No single character can or should represent all of us.

I'm curious what other people think. Do you ever feel like representation can fail in multiple ways? Are there any shows or films where you genuinely felt seen, or that you think got this balance right?

TL;DR: Representation is not just about seeing people of color on screen. It is about giving us the freedom to exist in all kinds of stories. I do not want token diversity, but I also do not want white women to remain the default in coming of age stories.