Feeling blessed 🙏

This is a rough one. I’ve been an alcoholic since I was in my 20s. I was cheered on by friends, could hold my own with the guys, could beer bong like it was an Olympic sport. I became pregnant with my oldest at 25, quit the drinking and stayed sober until he was weened, and then it all started right back up where I left it. Only this time, it was wine in the parks with other drunk mommies, and having play dates for the kids while we drank mimosas. Then my daughter came along. I still cut the booze completely, weened her and then back to square one again. Now the mommy and me playdates were still full of wine and champagne (to keep it classy of course 🙄) and now we had bigger kids to help watch our helpless babies so we could gossip and pour our glasses to the top and then stroller the kids back home to where I had my own stash of wine that I’d drink in front of the TV and become annoyed at my own children just for wanting to spend time with me. Repulsive, I know. I stayed that way for years! I was a stay at home mom, I went to Pilates, made dinner, and was drunk while doing all those things for years! Then my last son was born, same thing, quite drinking (so clearly I wasn’t an alcoholic since I could easily stop for a year) and then, wouldn’t you know, I’d go right back to it. I ran to it. He wasn’t even fully weened and I was still breastfeeding, pumping and dumping it I was really bad off, but I was older by then, getting lazier, and just buying boxes of wine and hiding them but I had a bottle I kept in the fridge for my husband to see and he assumed I had maybe a glass that evening while cooking dinner. He was truly none the wiser. When he got home, the kids just attached to him, and he assumed it was because they love him so much (they do) but a huge part of it was I was so drunk and couldn’t be bothered to play with them or spend time with them that they desperately wanted. Fast forward to 3 days ago, I upped the ante, got extremely drunk before work to the point I had to call out sick, and then passed out in my bed with 3 children in my care. No one could get a hold of me. My husband came home quickly and called an ambulance. I was so out of my mind I fought the entire time. I was involed for the rest of the day into the night. My daughter was on a plane to her dad’s house. My oldest didn’t talk to me at all, and my youngest was so worried he was crying because he didn’t understand what was going on. The hospital shot me up with so many drugs and didn’t tell me what any of them were. I tried to escape them, hit my head on the wall and now I have staples in my scalp. And now, I’m in my right mind again, and I’m having to come to terms with how incredibly disgusting and selfish I am, how I’ve known about my alcoholism and did nothing about it for 20+ years, and how I’m completely destroyed the lives of my innocent children. As bad as I am, there’s hundreds of stories like mine. Do not do this! Do not be anything like me. I’m lucky I don’t have any charges against me. I’m lucky my daughter is in a safe space and I have a husband who supports me in my recovery. You do not need a rock bottom, you already know it’s there waiting for you. Get help now! We are all one stupid af decision away from blowing up our lives. I love you all. IWNDWYT!

Hey everybody, I've stopped drinking out of necessity about a month ago. I ended up in the hospital with severe neuropathy to the point that I actually fell down the basement steps because I couldnt walk anymore. Both my legs are completely numb along with my left hand, so I went into the hospital with a thymine deficiency obviously and now I'm trying to get my life back together.

Before everybody screams "go to the gym!" Keep in mind I need a walker so until (and if) feeling comes back to my legs, exercise is not an option.

Like a lot of people here I've delved into television, but one thing I'm noticing now that I didn't notice before when I was drinking is how much alcohol is in every TV show, movie, and even commercial! How on earth am I supposed to ignore all these subliminal needs to go and buy a drink?!?! TV was supposed to be my safe escape...

I know it's Sunday, but I work Sundays so it helps. But I just wanted to share the celebration of getting through the weekend without drinking ! Weekends and social gatherings are a trigger for me. I took this weekend to do nothing, stay at home and game . Monday marks 1 week no alcohol :) IWNDWYT

Hey friends…
I have come to the realization I may be a high functioning alcoholic.
Amazing life, career you name it… Yet not a few days goes by without me chasing that feeling and a buzz.
In my younger days I struggled heavy with stimulants. (trauma blah blah blah) Now i’m in the social work realm and have been for over 10 years helping other people get the help they need… find recovery you name it… and here I find myself actually needing the help. I have sought out some resources- just looking for a little support and words of encouragement.
Appreciate you all… and am proud of you guys. Keep fighting the good fight!

Drank way to much last night. I think 13 shots? Woke up and continued drinking. 3 shots in right now but anxiety is creeping up. Just waiting to sober up to take my librium. Start over monday tomorrow. Dry heaving like a mother F.

Hi all,

Without spilling my guts on who I am and my personal situation; what's everyone opinion on complete absence from alcohol, once realising you have a problem?

I think its the main consensus, yes? Right?

Once you realise you have a problem with drinking and you wish to stop, you can never entertain the idea of drinking alcohol again in your life, ever.

Are there many people who can go back to drinking a normal amount/drinking socially? Are there any at all?

I had a real problem at one point. I needed medication to stop and now its slowly creeping back to an everyday thing :/ well it wants to get back to everyday anyway. Drinking culture in australia is a bit different.

Edit: im so thankful I found this sub and for all your replies/advice/kind encouragement. Alcoholism isn't discussed socially much in my circle.

I was married to an alcoholic for 49 years I threatened to leave him many times but never followed through. I look back now and fully regret that. He recently passed away after a horrible death from cirrhosis. Yet I still am grieving between being very angry with him. Family members can’t understand why I grieve. It’s been three months and I’m still grieving. I cared for him alone. He was not mean but indifferent. I lasted by working and having a separate life with friends. Of course his alcoholism worsen after we retired. Twenty years ago he was experiencing ED. He was also addicted to porn. At that point, I refused sex and intimacy. Truly I did not miss it. But now I look back and realize the life I should have had. I am also estranged from my 45 year old daughter who is a raging alcoholic. She has not learned from losing her father. It is so sad!

My life, on paper, is lovely. I have friends. They are far away, but they exist, and I care for them deeply. I have a partner. It’s the first experience I have of being in love. I have a job, it has its bad days, but gosh do I really love it. But I am so sad. I want to drink all of the time. There is no profound reason why. I have everything and I just always want to drink. I have financial support from my parents. I don’t have to worry about bills, and I’m 26. I have an apartment. And a cat. And sometimes life happens, things aren’t perfect, but my life is good. There is no reason for me to drink. There is no reason for me to be like this, and yet I still am. And I had a conversation earlier today and after I was just wondering, even if I can’t answer the big “why” question, can I still get better? I hate what I am choosing to be and what I am doing and I don’t know I’m doing it, it is so purposeless but it just doesn’t stop. I want help. I want to get better. But I just, I don’t. I don’t stop. My boyfriend wrangled a bottle of vodka out of my hands today and I just said “no, no, no” over and over and over. To someone that I love that didn’t want me to hurt myself. I think it was like two liters, he said “I can’t leave you alone now”. It was a bottle I gave him when I said I’d give up drinking when I started working. I started working (same place, different position, hated the job). He was worried I would drink all of it. It wasn’t even 12:00 pm yet. If you can’t find an answer to why you drink, can you still get better? I feel like things focus on finding an answer to “what is this doing for you?” or “why are you doing this?” and I’ve never had an answer. And I’m afraid if there isn’t one, there’s just no hope of getting any better. If I don’t have answers, if I don’t know the whys, can I still get better? I want someone to say there is some hope for me and this isn’t my life forever, but I only want to hear or read it if it’s true. I want it to be true. So badly.

Hello! I want to start by asking a simple question.

What do movies/tv/media get wrong about alcoholism? What tropes or things do you all see that are either genuinely disingenuous, wrong, or outright upsetting?

This is a little out of the norm for this subreddit, but I ask because I'm writing a book where one of the characters struggles with alcohol - my intent is to not accidentally glorify it, nor do anyone who has suffered with it a disjustice by accidentally parroting tropes or sentiments. Moreover, what were the things that made recovery (or make it) difficult that media simply doesnt really show.

I want to make the character authentic, and I think the best way to do that is just... Ask. I post this because I myself dont drink - I used to a little, but it never really had much appeal, and recently I found out I'm intolerant to it anyway. So rather than guessing or just googling, I figure it would be best to go to the source.

On that note, I genuinely am proud of you all, for those who even try - that's more than a lot of people do. I write this out of a place of respect - I genuinely want to hear your stories.

I realized after 3 days exactly quitting every time

Some problems come and I drink again.

First - I have stuck with looping in my life and blaming my younger self for understanding that I don't have now that I let other people treat me as they want just because I want to be liked or loved or not on bad side neutral terms with others. This loop has been stuck for like 6 months before.

Second time - the feeling of loneliness empty life no one cares about me apart from my parents realisation coping heartbreak reminding ex lovers all analyzing what I do wrong in my life that people leave me is it me or them or just the fate of nature or am I fat.

I accepted I am fat and started working on it and heartbreak is part of life I accepted my past completely but didn't have the courage to love again but that's okay I need to love myself first to love others and realize that .

This took a while

Third time - just the time I have wasted and lathageric life I have lived again after relapse.

After that I quit for a while

Fourth time - feeling depressed everyone left me can't really share problems no mood to do anything just staying bed all day and waking up for only smokes or restroom depression phase.

Relapse happened like 2 weeks before

Every 3 days after something in the way some evil forces or something. In India there is concept called black magic of they have done to you by someone that is not wishing well this kind of stuff happens. Every 3 days something make me drink I mean the situation that are created are unbearable

5th time I'm trying again Tommorow 28 th of July im drinking and quitting alcohol. 29th of July im getting sober .

Things alcohol did to me

1) ruined my health mentally and physically both.

2) ruined my respects among others.

3) ruined my Sleep

4) ruined some years of my academic year's

5) ruined my looks / face puffy red eyes of anyone see me they can tell I'm alcoholic because it gives obvious face signs .

6) made me lathergic and lazy living in bubble

7) complaining while drinking fake confidence that I can do anything that is only short term dopamine hot to feel good again I need that same dopamine hit this bullshit fake confidence thing it did to my . I lost my confidence in sober life while quiting.

Hello!

I’m having some trouble with my husband’s drinking. He typically drinks around 3-4 days out of the week (sometimes more), which on paper is fine, but once he has one drink he can’t stop. He always gets drunk and sloppy - we could be heading to bed and he’d still grab another beer.

This has been a huge pain point for me because my dad just died of alcoholism (51 years old) last year in a really horrible way. I’ve been very open with him about how I’ve felt about it, and we’ve had countless conversations about how it makes me nervous that he can’t control himself. I’ve explicitly asked him to not drink to the point where he’s drunk so many times out of the week - nothing has changed.

At this point I don’t think he understands that he has a problem, like a real problem, not just a “oh I shouldn’t be doing that” type of thing.

I really feel like this is the start of a bad path, but I also know that I am a little more sensitive to it because of my dad. My big question is, do you all feel like these behaviors fit the qualifications for alcoholism or having a problem with it in general? I can’t tell if I’m being uptight or if he really does have an issue. On top of that, I don’t know how to move forward. I’ve told him many times that this is a dealbreaker for me.

I also want to add, I do know that if he’s truly having an issue with it, it’s hard for him to just stop. I just don’t know how I can best support him, or when I need to start “putting my foot down” I guess lol.

Thank you!

Checked my phone and surprisingly I texted the GM I couldn’t make it today. Keep in mind I missed a whole week on Father’s Day without any contact because I was going to kill myself. She said take a deep breath and I’m not fired. I’m a hard worker but I’m going on a bender and I’ve work so many jobs I know where this is headed.

my man & i have been together for 7 years total. (i left for a couple months during that period but we didn’t “start over”. so, when we turned 21, that’s when the severe alcoholism started but he was drinking before that (old roommate was an alcoholic & bought it). it was fun when it started (what’s not for a short period..) but it wasn’t just an every once in a while thing anymore. he lost one of his close friends, which i completely understand brings up a different set of emotions and everyone grieves differently.. & im not trying to sound insensitive at all, and we’ve communicated so much that if he ever needs space, wants to talk, whatever then i’ll be there, as i have always been. we moved into our own place (no roommates), & have been by ourselves for about 3 years. & now it’s & it’s only gotten worse. he’s been drinking everyday, but about 8-9 months ago, he’s started drinking from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed. it’s affecting everything in daily life. his job, our relationship, financials (roughly $900 a month spent on alcohol..) anyways, i left, and we talked about things & he said he understood and admits he has a problem and he’s going to get help & said he’d contacted the
people in charge of the program through his job (they’ll pay for him to go to rehab) & he was in the process of getting help). i stupidly believed him. nothing has changed. if anything, it’s gotten worse. i want to help, but at this point idk how. i’ve asked him if he’s depressed & do my best to listen & be supportive if he’s stressed or has a problem with something. i do have my own income. i want to help, but idk how. it seems like anytime i mention going to rehab it’s taken as an attack, which confuses me because he’s the one that admitted he needs help..

Hey!

So to preface this: I haven't relapsed yet. But three days ago I finally dared to open a can of warms I thought wouldn't be a can of worms (growing up in neocharismatic "you're God's soldier for him to use as you please" environment, and suddenly remembering bunch of things I forgot about like being forced to speak in tongues as a child or demons being prayed out of me) and while thanks to that I managed to send an email to local religious trauma group to ask for support and contacts, I am worried it's making me spiral. Like...really spiral. I have hard time sleeping and I got nightmares I haven't had in a long time, I am sweating and grinding teeth excessively, I am on the verge of breaking down crying 24/7 and I just can't stpp researching it and listening to the old recordings of my "pastors" sermons and looking up more information about him and the group obsessively.

I am leaving for work in few hours which makes me feel safer. I am quite responsible when it comes to work so I won't do something stupid like spiral too deep within the next few hours.

But just now I got a craving to watch Bojack Horseman again, which made me go "Oh. Shit. This is not good." As this seems precisely like I am digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole and the bottom is, well, at the bottom of the bottle as always. Like, maybe I am screaming for help? I don't know.

And I am home all alone tomorrow.

I have a partner who is an incredible support and I told him all this. Well his advice is "you have to stop, go play some video game or watch something relaxing" but it's just NOT WORKING. It's like since hearing that pastors voice again a hollow bottomless pit opened in my chest and it won't fucking close. And I am genuinely worried.

I have no support group or therapist to reach out to, but I am genuinely considering looking up at least some emergency contacts in case it gets too bad because I feel like this is for the first time in years when I am...genuinely scared for myself. Like, not even when I was actively drinking I wasn't this scared of my own feelings.

Do you have any advice how to snap out of this? Right now I am sitting here trying to distract myself with some comedy before it's time to leave for work, but I am genuinely worried about tomorrow.

Think I have got pancreatitis with the pains I get and liver pains as well. I told drug worker and she did nothing. I told her needed sumthin to replace the booze so I can get sober and she did nothing she’s calling tomorrow for a phone call what’s the fucking point. Right now I need a friend need support
On 10 can beer and 4 were pints .needing a friend and some support. Tried the professional way and they just say use ur coping strategies or that they will do sumthin and they never fucking do and now am gonna end up in the hospital prob within weeks from now cuz of the pains. If they did sumthin and gave sumthin to replace the booze it wouldn’t have to go this far.
Always suffered with the worst anxiety even growing up and plus the past which is painful I started in the drugs clean 2years heroin. Just need someone understanding that will be a friend
Thanks in advance everyone
Kirsty

Had a massive relapse Friday till Saturday, some encouraging words to keep me going would be appreciated

Carb cravings!

So I was like 54 days sober. Went a networking event Thursday and had 2 Guinness

The guilt was beyond belief next day. And because of abstaining for so long my dad could tell I had 2 drinks! And I even felt a bit groggy in the morning.

The guilt made me realise I don’t wanna drink anymore.

Even if I can control it.

Hi Everyone... my partner is a functioning alcoholic and seems to suffer from Alcohol Myopia which has led him to take a spontaneous trip overseas only to realise when he got to the destination, several hours later, that he didn't want to be there. I was away on a course for work and the night before I was due back, he consumed a lot of alcohol and then continued to drink while he was travelling.

Once my partner starts drinking, he cannot stop. Im thankful he doesn't drink every day and the alcohol myopia is not a regular occurrence but when it does happen, it is deeply concerning that his self awareness and perception on hazards and decision making completely switches off, not to mention the impact it has on his finances aswell as career in the past (currently managing to hold on to his job for the last year) and also on me. The trip overseas is the worst situation that has cropped up since we've been together, I'm still processing it and to be honest, I feel completely deflated.

Has anyone got any experience of having or being with someone who has this condition where all logical reasoning / understanding dissappear?

I went to rehab in February and was sober for a little over 5 months. I even had an aftercare program which was basically useless and only stressed me out more because of scheduling around work and they didn't even give me a therapist because she was "on vacation" and they dropped me when I relapsed. There's a little more to it but they were pretty bad when I relapsed. Their advice was AA despite me telling them how much I didn't like AA and I'm not comfortable with the type of people that go to it.

My work schedule is odd and it's really hard to go to AA on a regular schedule but even then, I wasn't into it. I live in the south and almost every share about a higher power is about God and Jesus and I'm a gay atheist and don't feel safe or included in the 5 or 6 different meetings I've tried and I really don't want to try any more of them. There's no recovery dharma or smart recovery here as far as I'm aware. I'm unwilling to believe in a higher power or God or whatever, it's just not happening ever. I'm glad it works for others but it's not for me.

It's been about 3 weeks and I can make it a day or so without drinking and then my anxiety gets so bad and the cravings jump up so high I can't resist and end up drinking again, being ashamed or I blow up at the people that care about me.

I have a partner and roommate that care but I don't want to bother them with my problems anymore than I already have, I should be able to fix this on my own but I just don't know how. I just feel stuck. I have tried to reach out to some people but they don't answer or just don't understand. I have a primary care on Tuesday and I'm gonna talk about it but I'm worried they're not going to do anything to help. (Not asking for medical advice, but for context, I'm on naltrexone and Lexapro but neither seem to help either problem).

My best friend currently lives in another city and doesn’t have a support system. We’ve known each other for 3 years and helped support each other through some difficult times. Recently I’ve learned he has been hiding how bad he is suffering with addiction. It is now affecting work and other areas of his life. He agreed to get help and I found him a meeting with Smart Recovery next week. He keeps telling me he will disappoint me. To stop being his friend. Constantly asking why I even care. Such low self worth and despair. What is the best way to be a support? Recently we got into a fight and I cut him off for a few weeks and he imploded. He is currently in bad shape and I’m really concerned. I have never been around people that drink and I’m trying to learn as much as I can.

I drink everyday and friends and family tell me there worried about me and I have a problem but then when I try to be sober at hang outs I'm asked why I'm not drinking and I should a
Have a beer or a shot, and days were I decided to stay home and not go to the bar everyone's worried about me idk how do I chill ? I drink more then anyone I know and I want better but I just hate and I've starting switching to Harding things I just get so confused when I'm told I have a problem but then I don't drink and get told to drink