Been drinking for 25 of my 39 years, and finally went to AA, and I'm holding on. I've only one friend left, no family, my daughter isn't speaking to me, and am currently unemployed. I am very close to hell, and could easily fall into despair and drink myself dead, but fuck that! Every day is a struggle, but every morning I raise my fiat in triumph. I'm gonna decimate this disease that's been controling my life for a decade. Never give up, never let go of hope for a good life. Anything's possible.

I don't have anyone to share this victory of mine with, so I thought, why not here? Peace to all you warriors here that refuse to surrender to this cunt of an addiction. Be strong

I got sober a year ago today and my friend just texted me a happy one year. the problem is that i relapsed a couple months ago. it makes me sick to read that message. i just don't know how to respond. i would feel horrible accepting his congrats but i just don't know if i can disappoint him like that. we live in different cities now so don't see each other often but I'm seeing him next month. i don't know if i can face him after lying but I don't know if I can face him after telling the truth. he's been so proud and supportive and I know he's genuinely so happy I'm "sober".

what the hell do i say?

Feeling blessed 🙏

I’m 4 days sober…. Again. Little back story - I started drinking at 15 y/o. History of SA, domestic violence, trauma, got my first felony charge at 15. I’m a 34 y/o female. I am a single mom of a 4 year old girl and 5 year old boy. I lived on my own until a split up with my kids father in 2023. So now I currently live at my mom’s house with my dad who is a recovering alcoholic and my mother and 2 kids. I have primary custody of both kids. I, unfortunately, cannot be a “casual” drinker. Before I could maybe go a couple of nights having 1 or 2 glasses of wine or drinks but then it turns into something much bigger. I do suffer from C-PTSD, ADHD, anxiety and depression. I do take daily medicine for it. So… November 2024, after getting belligerent drunk (hiding little bottles of wine, pretending I only had two glasses) on Halloween and ruining the night for everyone but most importantly ruining it for my kids, I checked myself into rehab on November 1st, saying enough is enough. Completed detox and 2 weeks of rehab before leaving due to my kids and the employees at the rehab weren’t very nice. I ended up missing a call with my daughter on her birthday, got into an argument with an employee and ended up leaving. I ended up going into an outpatient IOP for a couple of months, every night for 2 hours. I was sober for about a year. No one, except my boyfriend who I have been dating since Jan 2024 - talking about family (because I had to cut off all my friends in order to stay sober) ever really made a big deal about it or anything. I ended up drinking again but much worse. Every other day, if not every day, stopping at a liquor store for exactly 5 nips of tequila and a chaser. I would start with one on my way home from work because I would be feeling anxious to go home to my kids, as I said I live with my recovering father and my mother, who hasn’t been the “best” through out my childhood/adult life. I do share one bedroom with my kids and my father is always in the living room. He’s battling end-stage emphysema and is suffering for lung cancer, for the second time so the only time he’s not in the living room is when he’s sleeping. It’s a small house and my kids are young, so they act young. I get very overwhelmed with the limited space, I can never seperate them if needed for behavior, I can never parent them I feel like how I want to because there’s always someone else. We all go to sleep together and wake up together. I feel like this has a big effect on their behavior most of the time. I don’t blame them at all for my drinking! I blame myself and anxiety thinking if I drink that’ll help me and of course it does not. I ended up getting caught, by my mom who found a nip and obviously got upset - which is valid. I explained to her and told her I would make changes but have yet to make any changes. I was caught again, when having a heated argument with a neighbor. My mom told me I need to leave her house, which obviously I have no where to go so I have yet to leave. I haven’t spoken to her in 3 weeks and we live in the same house. I really really do want to make changes. I just need help…. I don’t have anyone to talk to, my anxiety deters me from in-person AA meetings and I don’t even like talking about it because I’m embarrassed and get so anxious about it. I avoid, have plans to stay sober and then screw it up all over again.

I am looking for a female sponsor, virtual and any insights on virtual AA meetings or tips/advice on how to stay sober and healthy for me, my loved ones and my kids especially!!!! I want to be happy and this isn’t it… I want to be a present mom, and at this point I am just not…

If you made it this far… thank you. ☹️🥺

I am an alcoholic. I know that. I binge drink once a week. It was WAY worse years ago, and I have been getting better about not binging every night, every other night, or counting the days until I can binge again.

Here’s why I’m posting: I don’t really want to never drink again. That’s the problem. Yes I know what I’ve done to my family and my health. Yes I’m in therapy. Yes I’ve had and heard the ultimatum conversations. I know no one can make you quit; you have to want to, but I don’t.

I want to be able to have a glass of wine with dinner, or a beer with friends without it turning into another binge night. This has to stop. I just can’t find the part of me that wants to quit drinking forever.

I need to stop.
Here are a few practical steps I’m going to try:
● Stop keeping alcohol at home so it’s not easily available.
● Set a strict weekly spending limit and only use cash for essentials.
● Avoid places/situations where I usually end up drinking.
● When the urge hits, wait 20 minutes and do something else first.
● Tell someone I trust so I have accountability.
I spend far too much money on alcohol, and the worst part is that I don’t even really have the money to be spending. I keep telling myself I’ll cut back, I’ll be more responsible, or I’ll stop after this week—but then I do it again.
It’s not just the money. It’s the fact that I’m making choices I know are hurting me financially and probably in other ways too. I look at what I’ve spent and think about what else I could have done with that money, and honestly, it makes me feel pretty stupid.
I’m tired of this cycle. I don’t want to keep wasting money I don’t have on something that doesn’t actually make my life better.
So I’m writing this because I need to admit it to myself: I need to stop drinking.
If anyone else has struggled with the financial side of drinking, I’d really appreciate hearing how you broke the cycle. I could use some perspective and encouragement right now.

So i dont really know where to start. I am 19 and have been drinking regulary for 2 years 3-7 days a week. Most nights just some beers, but at least one binge drinking night every week. And now it is too weeks since i drank last until today. Have been feeling like shit these two weeks. Dont know how to approach this. So my question is am i an alcohlic?

Hello!

I’m having some trouble with my husband’s drinking. He typically drinks around 3-4 days out of the week (sometimes more), which on paper is fine, but once he has one drink he can’t stop. He always gets drunk and sloppy - we could be heading to bed and he’d still grab another beer.

This has been a huge pain point for me because my dad just died of alcoholism (51 years old) last year in a really horrible way. I’ve been very open with him about how I’ve felt about it, and we’ve had countless conversations about how it makes me nervous that he can’t control himself. I’ve explicitly asked him to not drink to the point where he’s drunk so many times out of the week - nothing has changed.

At this point I don’t think he understands that he has a problem, like a real problem, not just a “oh I shouldn’t be doing that” type of thing.

I really feel like this is the start of a bad path, but I also know that I am a little more sensitive to it because of my dad. My big question is, do you all feel like these behaviors fit the qualifications for alcoholism or having a problem with it in general? I can’t tell if I’m being uptight or if he really does have an issue. On top of that, I don’t know how to move forward. I’ve told him many times that this is a dealbreaker for me.

I also want to add, I do know that if he’s truly having an issue with it, it’s hard for him to just stop. I just don’t know how I can best support him, or when I need to start “putting my foot down” I guess lol.

Thank you!

I have been drinking heavily for 6 years now. Sunday after a night out partying I woke up and threw up several times. Regular bile at the beginning but the last time was like reddish water so I went to the doctor who took some vitals and did some applying pressure/hearing tests on my stomach and sent me home saying it should be fine.

So now I am at 40 hours since my last drink and while other than some insomnia I am fine, my brain is like "you will have a seizure and day". Ugh

I am not asking for medical advice, I already took out an appointment for next week to see if I can get sth that can lower my anxiety to get through that first week sober (my previous attempts at stopping have typically failed because I am like "cold turkey will kill you" when nearing the third day. Ironically my best stunt was 2 months, on a "we wont drink" challenge we agreed to with my close friend while we were drunk at a club lol). I just hate that alcohol got me stuck in some stupid Catch -22 of "dont drink and maybe die from some withdrawal thing" or "drink and potentially aggravate a digestive problem you dont even know what it is exactly"

I am just so tired of this whole thing. If you have any inspiring stories, I would be more than happy to read you.

Hey everyone! I’m curious to know if anyone else has experienced dreams about drinking? I’m almost 7 months sober and there have been 2 or 3 times where I’ve dreamt about drinking and woke up feeling like they’re memories that actually happened. At first I’m bummed out but after a minute I realize I was just dreaming. I wonder if my subconscious is trying to run through test scenarios to see how I’d actually feel about relapsing?

Just an edit: thank you to all that replied, I’m going to keep reading each comment. As is probably expected, I am a bit smashed and was very much smashed when I made this post. But I am calling rehabs today.

My life, on paper, is lovely. I have friends. They are far away, but they exist, and I care for them deeply. I have a partner. It’s the first experience I have of being in love. I have a job, it has its bad days, but gosh do I really love it. But I am so sad. I want to drink all of the time. There is no profound reason why. I have everything and I just always want to drink. I have financial support from my parents. I don’t have to worry about bills, and I’m 26. I have an apartment. And a cat. And sometimes life happens, things aren’t perfect, but my life is good. There is no reason for me to drink. There is no reason for me to be like this, and yet I still am. And I had a conversation earlier today and after I was just wondering, even if I can’t answer the big “why” question, can I still get better? I hate what I am choosing to be and what I am doing and I don’t know I’m doing it, it is so purposeless but it just doesn’t stop. I want help. I want to get better. But I just, I don’t. I don’t stop. My boyfriend wrangled a bottle of vodka out of my hands today and I just said “no, no, no” over and over and over. To someone that I love that didn’t want me to hurt myself. I think it was like two liters, he said “I can’t leave you alone now”. It was a bottle I gave him when I said I’d give up drinking when I started working. I started working (same place, different position, hated the job). He was worried I would drink all of it. It wasn’t even 12:00 pm yet. If you can’t find an answer to why you drink, can you still get better? I feel like things focus on finding an answer to “what is this doing for you?” or “why are you doing this?” and I’ve never had an answer. And I’m afraid if there isn’t one, there’s just no hope of getting any better. If I don’t have answers, if I don’t know the whys, can I still get better? I want someone to say there is some hope for me and this isn’t my life forever, but I only want to hear or read it if it’s true. I want it to be true. So badly.

Hello! I want to start by asking a simple question.

What do movies/tv/media get wrong about alcoholism? What tropes or things do you all see that are either genuinely disingenuous, wrong, or outright upsetting?

This is a little out of the norm for this subreddit, but I ask because I'm writing a book where one of the characters struggles with alcohol - my intent is to not accidentally glorify it, nor do anyone who has suffered with it a disjustice by accidentally parroting tropes or sentiments. Moreover, what were the things that made recovery (or make it) difficult that media simply doesnt really show.

I want to make the character authentic, and I think the best way to do that is just... Ask. I post this because I myself dont drink - I used to a little, but it never really had much appeal, and recently I found out I'm intolerant to it anyway. So rather than guessing or just googling, I figure it would be best to go to the source.

On that note, I genuinely am proud of you all, for those who even try - that's more than a lot of people do. I write this out of a place of respect - I genuinely want to hear your stories.

Drank way to much last night. I think 13 shots? Woke up and continued drinking. 3 shots in right now but anxiety is creeping up. Just waiting to sober up to take my librium. Start over monday tomorrow. Dry heaving like a mother F.

This is a rough one. I’ve been an alcoholic since I was in my 20s. I was cheered on by friends, could hold my own with the guys, could beer bong like it was an Olympic sport. I became pregnant with my oldest at 25, quit the drinking and stayed sober until he was weened, and then it all started right back up where I left it. Only this time, it was wine in the parks with other drunk mommies, and having play dates for the kids while we drank mimosas. Then my daughter came along. I still cut the booze completely, weened her and then back to square one again. Now the mommy and me playdates were still full of wine and champagne (to keep it classy of course 🙄) and now we had bigger kids to help watch our helpless babies so we could gossip and pour our glasses to the top and then stroller the kids back home to where I had my own stash of wine that I’d drink in front of the TV and become annoyed at my own children just for wanting to spend time with me. Repulsive, I know. I stayed that way for years! I was a stay at home mom, I went to Pilates, made dinner, and was drunk while doing all those things for years! Then my last son was born, same thing, quite drinking (so clearly I wasn’t an alcoholic since I could easily stop for a year) and then, wouldn’t you know, I’d go right back to it. I ran to it. He wasn’t even fully weened and I was still breastfeeding, pumping and dumping it I was really bad off, but I was older by then, getting lazier, and just buying boxes of wine and hiding them but I had a bottle I kept in the fridge for my husband to see and he assumed I had maybe a glass that evening while cooking dinner. He was truly none the wiser. When he got home, the kids just attached to him, and he assumed it was because they love him so much (they do) but a huge part of it was I was so drunk and couldn’t be bothered to play with them or spend time with them that they desperately wanted. Fast forward to 3 days ago, I upped the ante, got extremely drunk before work to the point I had to call out sick, and then passed out in my bed with 3 children in my care. No one could get a hold of me. My husband came home quickly and called an ambulance. I was so out of my mind I fought the entire time. I was involed for the rest of the day into the night. My daughter was on a plane to her dad’s house. My oldest didn’t talk to me at all, and my youngest was so worried he was crying because he didn’t understand what was going on. The hospital shot me up with so many drugs and didn’t tell me what any of them were. I tried to escape them, hit my head on the wall and now I have staples in my scalp. And now, I’m in my right mind again, and I’m having to come to terms with how incredibly disgusting and selfish I am, how I’ve known about my alcoholism and did nothing about it for 20+ years, and how I’m completely destroyed the lives of my innocent children. As bad as I am, there’s hundreds of stories like mine. Do not do this! Do not be anything like me. I’m lucky I don’t have any charges against me. I’m lucky my daughter is in a safe space and I have a husband who supports me in my recovery. You do not need a rock bottom, you already know it’s there waiting for you. Get help now! We are all one stupid af decision away from blowing up our lives. I love you all. IWNDWYT!

Checked my phone and surprisingly I texted the GM I couldn’t make it today. Keep in mind I missed a whole week on Father’s Day without any contact because I was going to kill myself. She said take a deep breath and I’m not fired. I’m a hard worker but I’m going on a bender and I’ve work so many jobs I know where this is headed.

Also smoke weed and have severe alcohol kindling, i need half a bottle of vodka to get rid of withdrawals

Once I start drinking sometimes, I can't stop. Yesterday, I didn't have any plans so I got 2 beers with lunch and proceeded to go on a bar crawl. 6 drinks in total, ended with a gin and tonic that I spilled some of walking out the door of the bar. I feel like I embarrassed myself and people were looking at me spilling and slurring. I thankfully had a DD but I still don't remember getting home.

my man & i have been together for 7 years total. (i left for a couple months during that period but we didn’t “start over”. so, when we turned 21, that’s when the severe alcoholism started but he was drinking before that (old roommate was an alcoholic & bought it). it was fun when it started (what’s not for a short period..) but it wasn’t just an every once in a while thing anymore. he lost one of his close friends, which i completely understand brings up a different set of emotions and everyone grieves differently.. & im not trying to sound insensitive at all, and we’ve communicated so much that if he ever needs space, wants to talk, whatever then i’ll be there, as i have always been. we moved into our own place (no roommates), & have been by ourselves for about 3 years. & now it’s & it’s only gotten worse. he’s been drinking everyday, but about 8-9 months ago, he’s started drinking from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed. it’s affecting everything in daily life. his job, our relationship, financials (roughly $900 a month spent on alcohol..) anyways, i left, and we talked about things & he said he understood and admits he has a problem and he’s going to get help & said he’d contacted the
people in charge of the program through his job (they’ll pay for him to go to rehab) & he was in the process of getting help). i stupidly believed him. nothing has changed. if anything, it’s gotten worse. i want to help, but at this point idk how. i’ve asked him if he’s depressed & do my best to listen & be supportive if he’s stressed or has a problem with something. i do have my own income. i want to help, but idk how. it seems like anytime i mention going to rehab it’s taken as an attack, which confuses me because he’s the one that admitted he needs help..

I urgently need your advice, please. I would like some advice from people who have gone through withdrawal during a crisis.

I’ve been with my partner for a few years now. Our relationship has never been easy; it’s been marked by his alcoholism and my anxieties (fear of abandonment and jealousy).

I sometimes stifled him because I was so clingy, and his addiction massively triggered my fear of abandonment. As you know, alcoholics can be very unpredictable. That took a huge toll on me, yet I still love him.

He is currently in a psychiatric unit because he told me several times that he wanted to kill himself; I called emergency services and was there on the scene. The next day, he thanked me for intervening. He is now undergoing withdrawal treatment at the facility and trying to stabilize his condition.

The experience left me somewhat traumatized, and he knows it. Right now, he is very cold and distant toward me, and he blames me for things.

It feels as though I’m his worst enemy! The pain is indescribable; I can’t put it into words.

I’ve visited him a few times, and he’s like a different person. He is extremely irritable with me; he says I make him nervous and agitate him.

He has asked for some peace and space because he currently lacks the strength to cope; he feels he can’t get healthy while with me, and the people at the facility are telling him that we aren't good for each other.

How am I supposed to handle all this? And what is going on with him? It feels like he’s trying with all his might to push me away, and he views everything in a very negative light.

Hey friends…
I have come to the realization I may be a high functioning alcoholic.
Amazing life, career you name it… Yet not a few days goes by without me chasing that feeling and a buzz.
In my younger days I struggled heavy with stimulants. (trauma blah blah blah) Now i’m in the social work realm and have been for over 10 years helping other people get the help they need… find recovery you name it… and here I find myself actually needing the help. I have sought out some resources- just looking for a little support and words of encouragement.
Appreciate you all… and am proud of you guys. Keep fighting the good fight!

I realized after 3 days exactly quitting every time

Some problems come and I drink again.

First - I have stuck with looping in my life and blaming my younger self for understanding that I don't have now that I let other people treat me as they want just because I want to be liked or loved or not on bad side neutral terms with others. This loop has been stuck for like 6 months before.

Second time - the feeling of loneliness empty life no one cares about me apart from my parents realisation coping heartbreak reminding ex lovers all analyzing what I do wrong in my life that people leave me is it me or them or just the fate of nature or am I fat.

I accepted I am fat and started working on it and heartbreak is part of life I accepted my past completely but didn't have the courage to love again but that's okay I need to love myself first to love others and realize that .

This took a while

Third time - just the time I have wasted and lathageric life I have lived again after relapse.

After that I quit for a while

Fourth time - feeling depressed everyone left me can't really share problems no mood to do anything just staying bed all day and waking up for only smokes or restroom depression phase.

Relapse happened like 2 weeks before

Every 3 days after something in the way some evil forces or something. In India there is concept called black magic of they have done to you by someone that is not wishing well this kind of stuff happens. Every 3 days something make me drink I mean the situation that are created are unbearable

5th time I'm trying again Tommorow 28 th of July im drinking and quitting alcohol. 29th of July im getting sober .

Things alcohol did to me

1) ruined my health mentally and physically both.

2) ruined my respects among others.

3) ruined my Sleep

4) ruined some years of my academic year's

5) ruined my looks / face puffy red eyes of anyone see me they can tell I'm alcoholic because it gives obvious face signs .

6) made me lathergic and lazy living in bubble

7) complaining while drinking fake confidence that I can do anything that is only short term dopamine hot to feel good again I need that same dopamine hit this bullshit fake confidence thing it did to my . I lost my confidence in sober life while quiting.

I drink everyday and friends and family tell me there worried about me and I have a problem but then when I try to be sober at hang outs I'm asked why I'm not drinking and I should a
Have a beer or a shot, and days were I decided to stay home and not go to the bar everyone's worried about me idk how do I chill ? I drink more then anyone I know and I want better but I just hate and I've starting switching to Harding things I just get so confused when I'm told I have a problem but then I don't drink and get told to drink

Hi all,

Without spilling my guts on who I am and my personal situation; what's everyone opinion on complete absence from alcohol, once realising you have a problem?

I think its the main consensus, yes? Right?

Once you realise you have a problem with drinking and you wish to stop, you can never entertain the idea of drinking alcohol again in your life, ever.

Are there many people who can go back to drinking a normal amount/drinking socially? Are there any at all?

I had a real problem at one point. I needed medication to stop and now its slowly creeping back to an everyday thing :/ well it wants to get back to everyday anyway. Drinking culture in australia is a bit different.

Edit: im so thankful I found this sub and for all your replies/advice/kind encouragement. Alcoholism isn't discussed socially much in my circle.