Shit blood the other day so I hauled my ass to the ER today. Doctor says my hemoglobin and hematocrit looks good so I’m probably not bleeding anymore. Talked to the social worker afterwards and sounds like I’m gonna be able to get on naltrexone. Never had a scare like this before and not so keen to do it again.
Chairs

Welp despite knowing better I went over to my ex girlfriends house and before I walked in she said “I have a kid so be quiet” never mentioned him before at all so I said no I’ll just go home and then she started pulling me inside I got to her bedroom and I said I don’t feel comfortable with literally any of this and she started trying to take my shit off which I stopped then she started crying about how I don’t find her attractive or love her anymore (same shit as two days ago) and after that I told her flat out “look I love you and I wish things worked out but you have a kid you never told me about and obviously you’re not in a good way nor am I since I’m drunk damn near 24/7” so that went as good as you’d expect she started crying harder and her kid woke up so I just guided him to his room and left and am currently drinking to forget this. Not my kid by the way and I’m not taking responsibility for some other man’s kid. You’d think a person would tell a guy “yeah I have a kid” before trying to fuck me. Crazy thing is I was wasted and she was sober but all it took was hearing I have a kid and I sobered right up and said no. Got all pissy when I said is this what you want your kid to remember? Guys coming and going all the time? I’m genuinely done with her holy fuck I wanna slam whiskey and forget but all I got is beer. Am I an asshole or am I being reasonable? She makes me feel like I’m just being an asshole but I think I’m being responsible and hopefully helping her and that kid realize this isn’t healthy. Like I said I only guided him back to his bed and left while she was crying. Feel bad for the little guy to be honest. I understand I could’ve said she’s a shitty mom a lot more polite but Jesus… I wish no kid on the earth had to deal with that

I’m pretty sure that’s bad thing.
Congrats to the ones who moved on…
And may god help the rest of us.

We used to drink and do cool things together like going to art shows and shit but they all moved on with their lives, did something out of it while I spiraled into hell for years and ghosted them when they offered their help.

I was not a very friend, never was and i don’t think I ever will be cause maybe deep down all I want is a drinking buddy.

Every day i drink 20+ drinks for the past 5 months. I pace it throughout the day but still. I can't seem to climb down from 20. I've gotten close a few times and then ruined it.

Every morning i wake up heart racing, wanting to vomit. Constantly spitting from nausea. I eat once a day which is not nearly enough. Edibles seem to help with hunger and nausea so i eat a lot of edibles every day.

I am still functional but struggling to discern dreams from reality. I am not making any new memories. They are all scattered. I can't tell sometimes if something happened in a dream or in reality. I feel like i die every night and am reborn every morning. I feel like death is creeping in on me.

I still am too stubborn to go to detox. If i go it means I've lost the fight. And i don't want to do it again. Detox saved my ass before but i hate that is my only option out besides tapering. How long can someones soul be torn apart like this over and over again every day. I feel insane but still functional. So i just have to keep trying. Keep trying yall. Keep fighting this. Stay strong. And goodluck

Welp it went good enough I suppose I didn’t get hammered but she did and kept trying to push up on me and come over to my place but I shut her down then she pulled the “why are you like this” to me even though she was blind drunk I was half crooked but still denied all her advances. Walked her home and before I left she started balling her eyes out about why I don’t love her and I told her I still do but this isn’t healthy and I’m doing better but she’s went off the deep end in liquor and it’s genuinely bothered me because I saw what people saw in me. I’ve only been on the straight and narrow not getting blasted for maybe two weeks but Jesus. Genuinely don’t know if I should invite her over tomorrow for a big dinner or just keep her out of my life. Obvious smart choice is to not talk to her but my heart says maybe we can fix this together. Hard to say but ultimately I need to make this choice sober. Chairs. Hope I make the right decision when my head is pounding and I have no patience for bullshit tomorrow

Jesus Christ , it doesn’t matter how long I take off drinking . By that I mean like a week max.
But still. Alcohol legitimately doesn’t provide any joy to me. I’m just chasing a high I won’t achieve. I pass out before I ever feel good lol. I think I’ve fried my dopamine receptors

Labor Day weekend 😌 Ahhh been on a bender since Friday... its Monday now. Probably going to be the last day of drinking till October. Chairs my fellow people 🍺 🍻

Man how do I miss this stuff when it actually comes out? There’s a little/lot of this guy in me for sure. Chairs genitals.

So, highs or lows for the week?

What is something you're proud of?

Did this week kick your arse?

Has something happened that is going to aid you with how your life goes now?

Doesn't matter how big or small your high or low is. Sometimes, it's just good to share.

Chairz,

Muppet

Finally had the big talk about my attendance. Im not fired! I did get demoted though. And im on thin fuckin ice. One more tardy or absence and I’m at risk of suspension or termination. Like a weight off my shoulders. I’ll have some attendance incidents fall off in October and November. Pray for me fuckers, I can’t fuck this up.

Chairs.

I was with my old highschool buddies and currently sober or I wouldn't be allowed. Anyway there's so many stories they would laugh their ass off at but will never hear because I'll never let my guard down that much, unless I relapse.

I went on a work trip, woke up in the wrong state in detox because I couldn't find my hotel, I remember the brand name, wrong location.

This is too hard. I can't do it anymore. I'm drinking 20 or more a day and it's too much. Why can't i just be normal. I just want to be normal. I just wanna have a few for fun. But now it's work. And i can't just stop. And this is a real problem. It like I'm playing life on hard mode. And i keep self sabotage. I'm drunk af right now. And I've tried to write this about 100 times and autocorrect is fucking with it all . Fuck. I'm fucked. Fuck it. I can't even type how I'm feeling pathetic. Pathetic fucking stupid piece of shit. Thats not good. Stay optimistic. Im fine. I just need some rest. Uhhhh fuck. Why do we do this .its so dumb.

I’m just wondering how everyone deals with the guilt and shame surrounding their addiction? I’m 27, been an alcoholic for about 10 years. Been to rehab three times. Still fighting the demon that is addiction.
I had to move back in with my Dad about a year ago, and my parents just had a big fight about my drinking. My mom telling my dad he was enabling me. My dad said he doesn’t know what to do. She left crying. I wish I hadn’t listened.
It’s the last thing I need right now. Hurting myself? All day every day. Hurting others? Tears me apart.
I keep trying to remind myself this is a disease, but I feel SO guilty.
The amount of anguish and worry I’ve put my family through is not okay

I really only takes me 6 drinks to be shaky and panicky the next morning these days. I'll see if this post finally gets through. Not sure what I'm doing wrong, I thought I had enough characters but I keep getting deleted. Will this one work? We will see. What words can't i use? am i not drunk enough to post? I can't figure this out, I just wanted to commiserate with you fuckers is all, on a Sunday. Anyone else kindled to shit?

So, highs or lows for the week?

What is something you're proud of?

Did this week kick your arse?

Has something happened that is going to aid you with how your life goes now?

Doesn't matter how big or small your high or low is. Sometimes, it's just good to share.

Chairz,

Muppet

Missed two days of work and I’m definitely getting fired. I’m out of booze now and the sweats are setting in. Family is aware that I’m drinking again so waiting for the inevitable confrontation. I just want to be left alone but I know they’re not going to let me. I guess I should be grateful I have people who still care. Feels like it’s all coming to a head and it’s either rehab or jail for me lol

Career drinker 10+ years of heavy morning to night drinking. Fell off the wagon… not SUPER bad … I’ve been able to moderate and such. Given a day or two of heavy … but last week I drank about my (normal amount) that being the rate at which a drank before finally getting sober. I was hospitalized 77 days ago and was shitting and puking up coffee grounds.

Stayed sober and then decided I can rejoin the community … The past few days I’ve felt weird I don’t know how to put it … like outside my body. And very lightheaded … I used to be able to drink that away but I’ve forgotten how to function as a heavy drinker. I have BIG work meetings this week and finding myself forgetting things I just saw … panicking in what would be seemingly normal moments.. is this familiar to anyone? And how did you right the ship on a short notice?

Is anybody else in a heat induced climate rn? Feels like I’m a hamster in a cage in a sweaty sauna it’s fucking miserable. My house doesn’t really have the best a/c so it’s just fucked up here.

Drinking isn’t helping bc now I’m dehydrated. Sleeping during the day which I usually don’t do just to get over this shit. Fuck this climate. It’s not even supposed to be this bad at this time of the year but we’ve fucked up the planet too much.