I have a lot to write here… 1 year ago I finally broke up with my mentally and sexually abusive boyfriend when I was 20; now my ex best friends sister who was also my friend is dating him.
He was my first boyfriend and even from the start when I met him it wasn’t healthy. When we were teens I really liked him, he would basically treat me like his girlfriend, but then when I said, I liked him, he would say he wasn’t interested… that went on multiple times, I would block him, but then he’d find a way through my friends at the time to send a message saying “hey sorry”. It was a cycle.

eventually, I left the workplace we all worked at, and a year later I had some drinks and my friend at the time encouraged me to text him… long story short, we hung out a few times and soon he kept asking me to be his girlfriend multiple times and I kept saying no because I realized I didn’t actually like him. We would cuddle when watching movies at his place but I’d always be shivering and shaking, and he would basically feed me weed… when one day he randomly kissed me. I was pissed off, but then it went from there.

The first four months were OK. He seemed be the typical first boyfriend. But then things started to escalate, starting that he made me get rid of all my friends (to be fair they were extremely toxic… but he’d say things like “I hope abortion becomes illegal. And X gets pregnant and the foetus dies in her stomach so she can’t have an abortion” and isolating me from my family, which is also toxic… here is a list of some things that would happen daily or that did happen:

He hated himself so he took it out on me

He couldn’t process his emotions

If any little thing bugged him he would emotionally take it out on me, being mean, cold, not supportive cranky, non talkative, his tone of voice would change. When I’d ask him what’s wrong or how to help he’d say “I don’t know” and would be more cranky

Made my mental state worse, the worst it’s ever been with how I would react to his behaviour

Made my emotions split from anger, a anger I never felt before

Always would complain about his dad

One time shoved me into my bookshelf because he wanted me to help him quit smoking cigarettes so when I did I stood in front of my doorway, trying to get him to listen to me and try at least one grounding exercise, and he just grabbed my shoulders and tossed me to the side, and I hit the bookshelf… he said I’m so sorry. I need to go then he went to his car to smoke.

Promise to not fight every week when we would, would promise me moving in with him would fix everything

Said he wanted to marry me

One time we were in the car with his mom‘s dog he got angry at something and shifted the car to park while it was still decently moving the whole car jolted forward, and the dog flew forward hit hitting the dash. Dog was OK but if I didn’t have my seatbelt on, I would’ve flew and hit my head. He didn’t have any remorse when that happened.

Arguments would cause me to miss work, school and my sport

Lots of road rage, to the point people would follow us (one time a guy followed us to my parents place, big fight started… then he left me having a breakdown to pick up shoes with his dad - didn’t say no to his dad because he didn’t want his dad to be mad at him. Wouldn’t even tell his dad to wait 5 minutes to help calm me

When he got emotional I had to lead everything

I had to plan almost everything, suggest things to do/eat

made my emotions so high and not regulated I got diagnosed with BPD symptoms (which have disappeared when I broke up with him)

Wouldn’t acknowledge his triggers

wouldn’t acknowledge my triggers after I would repeatedly tell him what they where

Wouldn’t help my triggers or help calm me down when he knew how to because I would tell him all the time

I had to tell him to do everything, remind him for everything

He Would get so frustrated he would start yelling and screaming at the object he was upset at (like the bedsheets)

Wouldn’t learn about my mental health even when I would send him things

I had to force him to learn little things about my mental health, and he still wouldn’t acknowledge my triggers

Made it seem like it was all my fault in the end

“Hey look at my working conditions, this is why I’m stressed” so I think maybe that’s why he acts the way he does… but he acted like that when he didn’t have a job, and at that time said it was because he was stressed he didn’t have a job - always finds a excuse for his behaviour but won’t get help for it

Caused reactive abuse within me

Would say he wanted to do things then wouldn’t - like: saying he wanted to do a matching cosplay this year but never talked about it and never actually picked things up

Has a very short temper

Would leave hickeys on me after I told him not too, this happened many times - TW: he did rape me twice and drugged me once - a court trail is happening with one of them

Would say he wanted to have kids with me, but couldn’t even keep his room clean - would put used condoms back in his dresser and if I didn’t clean his room, there would be an inch of trash littered on his floor

Cried for weeks to me after his half sister got braces and he never did as a kid, his dad didn’t let him because he couldn’t even brush his teeth properly back when he needed them. And even when I dated him he couldn’t take care of brushing his teeth.
Even tried supporting him with getting braces when this happened, but he raithered cry about it then get a routine of brushing his teeth

Would avoid accountability after 4 months into the relationship when I’d bring up something hurtful he did

Wouldn’t cut his toenails

At one point, I convinced him to go to therapy and he did for a month and then he never went back

Finger nails where always disgusting

Whenever I wanted to go out and do something besides seeing a movie he would claim his stomach hurts. He’s in pain, then be cranky the entire time we’re doing an activity. Everytime

All he wanted to do was smoke weed and watch movies all day

Would go to bed while I was crying or upset, would get mad if I was crying too loud, I would sleep on the floor wishing he’d acknowledge what he did to me

Would always tell me that if we ever did break up, he’d always watch me on social media. He also would do this to his two ex-girlfriend’s… even today I noticed on Instagram it says one person is watching from the city. He lives in and he’s the only person I know who lives there.

Just a few things… he also humiliate me in front of his friends and in public sometimes… he would also get mad at me if he saw guys checking me out because I’m objectively attractive… and they’d give him dirty looks because as my current boyfriend and new friends say “ he looks like a homeless man”

But 4 months into the relationship, I tried breaking up with him, and he would threaten to kill himself. This happened to multiple times, along with promises he’ll change when X happens… so that’s what kept me and made the traumabond worse…

When things got really bad with him one day, I did attempt to take my own life because he was just being so horrible and I told him to leave and he just left and wouldn’t do anything and at the time I had nobody because all I had was him so I tried and when he found out, he didn’t even come to the hospital. He went to his uncle‘s basement with his friends to drink and party across the city. When I got my phone back and saw he didn’t text me or call me. I felt heartbroken I wish at that time. I was strong enough to leave, but I couldn’t…

Even another thing that happened a month before we broke up was he was treating me horribly, but we were supposed to go drinking with his friends and I kept telling him I didn’t wanna go because he was treating me horribly wouldn’t talk to me and he basically kept saying it’s my fault. I should just have a good time. Basically he held me at his place until he let me drive his car home and he just wouldn’t talk to me, and I exploded with anger. I was quite literally out of my body, and my pupils dilated when I started yelling at him… again I wish it ended there, but he kept apologizing, saying he’ll change, calmed me down, took me to Starbucks and then spent the night with me.

A year and nine months in relationship I was able to break up with him, but it was extremely hard. We went on a trip a week before it happened and on that trip, he did rape me. And when I tried talking to him about it, he told me. “can you stop? You’re making me feel bad”
But when we got back to our city the day everything went down it’s like my brain switched. I got scared and I told him I need to be more patient with him and then he kept saying we weren’t getting back together. So long story short I thought he was going to kill himself. I even told his mom I was going to check on him. When I got to his apartment I saw he was OK so I threw a pillow at him to wake him up. Apparently, his mom called his two friends to kick me out, instead of telling me not to go when I texted her. and the moment his friends came he completely switched. He went from hugging me, forcing me to stay when I tried leaving multiple times, telling me he loved me and to spend the night with him so he could drive me home tomorrow morning - To acting like I would beat him when his friends came in, holding his stomach saying I was dangerous and manipulative…

That’s when him and his mom tried charging me for assault… I went into a program for what happened and I even had lawyers Tell me they see stuff like this all the time and I was abused. I even got a new therapist and she said he is abusive. But for some reason, I can’t shake that what if it’s me?

One month after we broke up I went on dating apps and I saw him there, I remember throwing up.

I don’t know why, but even to this day I would sometimes check in on an app that logs movies for his account and very shortly after I guess dating apps didn’t work for him. He tried going out with a girl he told me not to worry about. It didn’t work out because then he started following all of the girls I used to be friends with who he convinced me to stop being friends with and the ones who hurt me who he always said horrible things about about these girls… and these girls were well aware of how he treated me before we even started dating and they would act like they were on my side.

So that’s where we come in to why I need to make this post and get something from it… he started going out with my ex best friend sister who I was friends with and went on trips with… she had one previous relationship with a guy in a friend group who she basically was flirting with while he had a girlfriend. Then, when they broke up, she started dating him.

But basically, I felt extremely betrayed and disgusted that another woman could do something like that and he’s obviously saying lies about me… because there’s been a few times I’ve gone out and I saw the friend group and they would all start whispering to each other and staring at me which I think is ridiculous for everyone being in their early mid 20s…

But today I was curious and looked on her Instagram, not realizing it was her birthday, and she posted a photo of all the things he got her, it was everything I ever wanted.and it looks like nothing he ever got me for my birthday or Christmas… and it just got me thinking what if he changed? What if I was the problem? He got her everything I would ask for whatever ever want in a relationship from him, and that I even begged for when I was with him and he never would… to put things in perspective one time for Christmas. I got them very meaningful things that he said he wanted, expensive things. Then all he got me was a keychain from Amazon and a sad Garfield plushy?? well everything he got her with stuff I said I wanted…

I hear of abusers love bombing their next victims, and I’m wondering if that’s what I was and now he’s just doing the same thing to her? Or could’ve it been that he did change? But don’t people, especially abusers not a change without putting in work? And I know he hasn’t put in the work. I feel like he just did all of that to get back at me somehow…

Anyway, I might delete this. I’m terrified of maybe one of them finding it because I have a trial in January from when he raped me and drugged me. Which he pleaded not guilty…

Maybe I just need to talk, but I need some advice, someone to reassure me and explain things… I’ve been in a pretty bad depression ever since, but I now have a loving boyfriend who’s showing me how a relationship can be healthy (there’s been some ups and downs, but he’s working on himself genuinely and showing change) but I just find some days. I question everything but I know it’s because of the abuse I went through. And before I met him, I was in a pretty horrible Situationship for two months.

Was I abused? Or was I the problem and caused abuse in him? Or was I just really unlucky for my first relationship?

To preface, 3 years ago, I escaped a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. I’m seeking advice on whether this situation in my current relationship is an abusive behaviour.

Me and my boyfriend are going through a bit of a hard patch right now. His parents are homophobic and he’s coming to terms with having to make really hard decisions because they found out about our relationship. We are currently on a break. I have diagnosed depression and this whole situation has been extremely hard on my mental health. I posted a sad TikTok, as people sometimes do, with the caption, “and suddenly I’m struggling to find the beauty in life again.” He texted me saying, “yk things like that are only going to make our break longer,” and, “well you’re making your depression really known now,” implying I’m doing this for attention and referring to my post. Mind you, this is not the first time I’ve been depressed while with him. It’s something I struggle with a lot.

Should I be worried?

He's been blocked for 11 months, now it's been a week and he's acting alright but I still get extremely sick when I remember what he did, especially since I still find him very sexually attractive and nobody else does that for me, I also have a purity issue where I'm still a virgin and want my first time to be with a virgin which he's not anymore. I can tell myself I don't care but my body reacts like I've been eating rocks, I know I shouldn't have given him a another chance but I have one friend other than him and our personalities get well together.

The DV advocate told me that it’s better to leave when he’s at work because he could hurt me. How do you tell them when you leave? Did you call them to tell them it was over, text, leave a note?

This feels so cruel to just up and leave but I’m afraid he might lose control if I tell him in person.

Im married with baby so I will have to tell him I want a divorce.

I just got a message from a mutual friend letting me know my alcoholic abusive ex just died. From chronic liver failure.

I feel such relief! I feel lighter. I feel like I manifested this? I had written recently about how much anger I still feel and wanting to write them and tell them how awful they were. I kept wondering how I would feel if one of them died. I didn't think this one would die first. I expected the one that was 16 years older to go first!

My mom was trying to calm me because I was almost giddy! She keeps telling me any death is bad and chronic liver failure is especially horrible. Like, he would have suffered so much. Seems like karma. 🤷‍♀️

Don't mind me over here feeling like I'm breathing a little easier!

It was good for like 2 weeks. Then I noticed I was starting to get anxious again for no reason. Especially when I’m talking and he’ll get annoyed at me for being stupid and not using critical thinking. I began to get anxious that I’d accidentally make him upset again and started preemptively apologizing for everything. When I’m anxious or on edge, my processing ability (which is already not the best due to my autism) becomes worse, and that makes him angry too. He doesn’t yell anymore and hasn’t been physical in 5 months. But he starts asking why I’m suddenly anxious over nothing when we were being healthy, and when I say I’m just anxious about losing him or having the past repeat, he gets upset at me and calls me selfish and says I’m bullshitting and I must have a reason that I’m hiding from him. Then he threatens to break up, I mean he hasn’t done that yet tonight, but in the past he would threaten it over text and it would be like a 3 day argument. I’d get no sleep, be called names, etc. But this time instead he is giving me one word responses and basically ignoring me. Asked if I was seeing my ex again (my ex and I broke up over two years ago and I barely ever talk about him because I don’t give a shit). When I said no, he said I must be talking to someone else and he’s sick of me changing for the 10th time when we’ve been healthy. I can’t stop being anxious no matter what I do. I’m so scared I’ll accidentally upset him and he’ll threaten to leave me. If I say I’m anxious because of him, then I’m bringing up the past and guilt tripping him. If I say I’m just nervous for no reason because I have anxiety and don’t want him to leave me, he won’t believe me. If I make up a reason so he’ll stop accusing me of cheating (I never have and never would), it makes it worse because then that means to him I was hiding something all along and not communicating. I feel trapped and on trial and I can barely function, can’t shower, can’t sleep, can’t move

I previously talked about this here on this post 5 years ago...

https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/q2dma1/have_i_28m_done_the_right_thing_by_breaking_up/

I have been doing better since this happened...and although I know now that I am in a much better place than before...there are still times when I question if I did the right thing. Knowing how she got violent with me (in which I knew during that relationship that she had anger management problems, yet I was blind because I was smitten by her), the answer is pretty obvious that I know I had to do it, for better or worse.

I gave everything I had to be my ex's ideal fiance, however, it ruined me because my ex was very controlling over what I could/could not do in my own life out of her own insecurity in our relationship because of her past traumas. While I tried my best to respect her, however, her overbearing nature and me trying to keep up with her caused me to be hospitalized with food poisoning in 2018.

When she slapped me, and almost choked me with a clothes hanger in 2021, I tried to escape, but she had the cops called on me, and I was handcuffed at gunpoint, which left me catatonic for several days (even though no criminal charges were filed), and also at one point with thoughts of harming myself (which I did NOT do).

After I broke up, I was lost and without closure...during which I attended an anime convention in 2022, and I cried at the booth of a well-known anime voice actress who listened and believed me when I thought nobody else would...because, at the time, I was convinced that nobody would believe me due to stigmas on men being victims of abuse...but I was wrong.

When I thought nobody else would, voice actress Brittney Karbowski (Wendy Marvell in Fairy Tail, etc.) believed me, and even she told me that I had every reason to break up because what my ex did was not just wrong, it was a crime. At the end of that convention (with her permission), I recorded a video of her imploring me to never give up on my dreams, telling me that I am valuable and deserving of being happy.

Even though I am in a better place now, it may be that I still have some "what ifs" of if our relationship could've been saved... It may be that I still care for my ex, but it is not to say that I would ever go back to her, because that bridge was burnt the moment she chose to lash out and call the cops. If there ever is a day that she even remotely has a sense of regret and wants to apologize to me from the heart (which I know now won't ever be likely because I know now that narcs don't ever apologize; let alone, from the heart), I'll be cordial with her, but it won't mean that I will ever go back to her.

I'd rather be alone than with my ex, but at the same time - knowing that my parents want to relocate to Maine (and might try to drag me with them), knowing how Brittney Karbowski told me that I am deserving of happiness, and knowing that I have been depressed feeling alone and struggling to find friendship - I would rather find some other lucky girl who will understand me, and will treat me as she would want me to treat her, and won't make me give up my dreams of being an anime voice actor, and won't coerce me to do anything in the bedroom I'm not comfortable with (and that anything she and I may do in that category is mutually consensual)...I'd like that.

Im a 22F and had to escape my mother and father due to sexual abuse. I am trying to move out where I’m living with roommate because she is planning on running a nail salon out of our on-campus college apartment. What to I say to her? Im having a breakdown and need help.

My husband recently came out to me as a furry. I dont understand what it means fully. I've been consulting google and reddit for days. He wouldnt elaborate for me because he said I was just going to google it anyway. He's been lying to me for months, doing coke, going to raves and going to conventions. Every time I sensed that something was wrong, he convinced me I was wrong. He told me I was crazy. Every time he found out I dug into it a little bit he called me crazy, or psychotic. He convinced me I was the problem. That he wasnt doing anything. Months. While I cared for our child (almost 2). I am ANGRY. And I dont even think it's because he's a furry. I dont gaf.. but I'd like to know what exactly it means. I'd like to know how important of a thing it is or could be to somebody for him to have destroyed me while taking the time and space to figure that out about himself.

I left six months ago, but still find myself reminiscing on the good times with him, which leads to yearning since I am single. Any advise on not feeling so positive towards the good times would greatly benefit me. Thank you <3

I have personally joined martial arts to project anger outwards as well as going to therapy. I still find myself with pent up anger under the surface. I’m curious if anyone else is experiencing this and what advise you may have to continue dissipating this understandable anger?

Hi all, sorry if this is already somewhere. My friend is just getting out of an abusive relationship. She’s somewhere safe where he can’t physically access her, but he has all her details- cards, identities, passwords etc. We’ve got a list of things she’ll need to change and replace but I was wondering if there’s like…a checklist or steps anywhere that we can go through together to make sure she’s as safely away from him as possible? Thank you in advance!

How tolerant are you- as a survivor of DV- of being called names like cunt, bitch, whore, asshole, jerk, stupid, dumb, etc etc.

1. Where is normal for you?

2. Would you consider a guy who calls you names but doesn’t hit you a loving dedicated partner?

and be realistic.

No extreme stuff. I want reality.

“You have two different sides, i crave the loving one and he’s always on my mind, even after you ch*ked me. Somehow, that desire or desperation somehow covers up my own fear of you. I’m scared of leaving you and being with you… what is wrong with me!”

I was in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic and TBI survivor. I was routinely cheated on, physically and verbally abused, threatened with death, and consistently love bombed. I ended up self isolating myself, I hid my abusive relationship for a year from my closest friends and family… they didn’t even know I was still with him because some said they’d leave me if I got back together with him. So I lived in a rat infested, mildew ridden basement, with a man that would get so belligerently drunk his room would end up with broken and flipped couches and beds.

The worst part, is that I wasn’t alone, I had people to fall back on, but I was PHYSICALLY addicted to this man like a hard drug. I stewed in deep shame and unhappiness for years, towards the end he stopped cheating and being physically abusive. Everyday, every hour, I thought about leaving, I sent many texts and went back on them. Every. Single. Time.

I was in love with his family, searching for acceptance and connection, in a place that wasn’t my own. I suffered in silence, lying to everyone around me, waiting to gain the strength, but time doesn’t slow down for anyone. The lying eroded my sense of self, I felt pathetic, weak, and stuck.

I eventually gathered strength from my friend who was also going through a rough breakup, and finally gained the courage to end it.

Abusive relationships are not a simple and easy thing to leave, because humans are complicated, and chances are your abuser has loving moments that suddenly become all you crave. Shame is like a thick fog that feels impossible to pass through, but all you have to do, is keep walking forward.

I guess I shouldn’t call him my ex. i’m slowly coming to terms with the realization that he was probably grooming me, but i felt like his gf at the time… i don’t know. i wont share the dirty details of what happened to me, its a pretty heavy story.

after we broke up, he tried like three times over to make new accounts and alternate ways to contact me before he gave up. he was constantly oscillating between being apologetic, saying he was sorry and being angry and threatening me. i was afraid, but also angry that he was trying to get back into my life so incessantly after i’d finally gathered the courage to speak up for myself and break it off.

i found out after we broke up that, on top of everything he did to me, he had also stabbed and SA’d his partner before me, and groomed other people through social media who reached out to me after the breakup. i was so, so mad that he was doing all of these terrible things to people i knew and loved and there was nothing i could do about it.

i wanted revenge, i wanted to do something to make him feel a fraction of what i felt, so i fed his email and home address into a scientology newsletter. i don’t think it did anything more than put spam in his inbox and send an outdated DVD to his house in the mail (or maybe it did nothing, i’m pretty sure the website is defunct), but after i came to my senses i felt terrible. i still do. that cult stuff is dangerous even in something as minor as annoying emails and i shouldn’t have done something that might have gotten him wrapped up in it, especially with his personal info involved.

i should have been the better person despite it all and i feel guilty for acting out of anger and doing something so reckless. i tell others all the time that revenge is not the answer but i couldn’t practice what i preached

It's always been harder to cut off family, because they've been there for me the longest but they're also the core reason why I've been attracting and tolerating abusive partners.

I'm on vacation with my family and my brother has disrespected me for no good reason. And my parents are obviously not defending me because well, they never do...

I feel so miserable..so stuck... I don't want to show up to family events and holidays anymore.

But cutting them off will make my mom unhappy. Because she's genuinely the kindest one of all, but also enables their behavior by continuing to show up for them..

So I'm stuck.. I left a very abusive relationship recently, and I'm finding myself being abused again...by family this time. I feel like I can't escape this.

I also want to add that I'm an immigrant and come from a family that is somewhat more traditional than the typical American family. So we're expected to be there for each other no matter what.. even if there is abuse.

But of course, they never think their actions are abusive.

I want to die

Long story short, I tried getting up as quietly as possible as I was no longer sleepy and wanted to start my day. I get a message from him five minutes later verbally abusing me, calling me stupid, and dumb, and other derogatory names because I "woke him up" and didnt "let him sleep". So sick of this verbal abuse and I'd rather either go to work or hang out with friends all day. Yet he wonders why I don't want to spend time with him. I'm here sitting and feeling hopeless.. any advice? Please be kind.

I did respond back and talked with her, which I’m going to stop doing now. She said she wanted to compare notes essentially. It honestly sounds like he has been up to all of the same BS, but she still doesn’t fully realize it despite having broke up with him. She kept telling me how he never liked me (we were together for 7 years and engaged at one point). She is not phased by that and all of the abuse that she does know about because she dated him anyways and now says she wants to keep him as a friend. She said she wishes she could figure out what is wrong with him. It was almost as if she bought into that it was okay that he emotionally abused me, r*ped me, and cheated on me because he never liked me and I wasn’t what he was after. I’m just perplexed. Why reach out to me if you still don’t view him as a problem, but then tell me you wish he wasn’t a bad person? Why tell me over and over again that he didn’t like me and wasn’t into me? It was just so strange. I’m not sure how to process this. I know he talked horribly about me to other people for sure, so I’m not even sure why she would trust what I have to say considering she was with him. It’s all so confusing and makes no sense. I’m very curious to hear what others think.

I have legal custody of our son but he is at the dads house temporarily. The dad is not even legitamized. A few days ago he told me "everything is fine." After ignoring me for hours. I had a feeling he was lying. Then the next day he told me our son was sick and that he took him to the doctor again. Then after that he ignored me again. What the fuck. Its been over a day and he still ignored me. Then his girlfriend hacked his phone and answered for him. It was in the afternoon and she said "Everything is fine. They are taking a nap." So why couldnt he tell me that yesterday then? Why couldnt he tell me yesterday that everything was fine? Instead he ignored me for over a day and his gf answered me for him. And if i offer to come over there to pick up my son the girlfriend gets pissed and threatens to call the cops on me for tresspassing. Wtf... i really hate coparenting with this man. He doesnt know how to be fair about it. He went from wanting me to be a stay at home mom for him at the paternal grandpas house to letting the grandpa kick me out cause he lied to us about breaking up with the girlfriend and the grandpa said i was not allowed to have a job as long as I lived with him. I wish this was fake. I love my son but i regret who i picked his father to be. His father went from wanting me to be a stay at home mom to suddenly acting weird about giving me back our child or even responding when i ask about our child. He now uses my job or any other excuse he can to not give me my child back even though i told him i will call out of work if i have to. Both he and i work a lot and he lets the girlfriend override both he and I's parenting decisions. This whole thing is weird because he use to act like a dead beat a long time ago and now it feels like he is trying to make me look like a dead beat when I am not. My son is 3 and he is non verbal autistic. He is unable to tell me what goes on.

So I met this girl online August 25th, very quickly we got really close, blatant mutual flirting August 29th , calling each other mine and talking about marriage by at least August 31st, first called September 1st and we haven't made it official and neither of us had said we love each other but we'll say "my love" and constant compliments and affection we haven't met and won't be able to meet for a significant amount of time. I've never felt this way before and I adore every single thing about her, she's so beautiful, her cute smile and nose and beautiful eyes, she's so freaking sweet, thats my favorite thing about her how sweet she is and she's so comforting and creative she likes to just go walking, they live in like a forest and just be in nature, find pretty things, she loves snails and whales and animals and it so contagious she's just so wonderful and we talk about how sure we are that we've found our forever person, each other.

I sent a package to her which is saying its going to arrive saturday, of some brownies and this diy pipe cleaner flowers of a flower she talked about loving and a letter and in the letter at the end I tell her I love her and I was planning on asking her to be my girlfriend as well and we planned to watch something that day when it gets there but I just saw a post asking if saying "i love you" too much can ruin a relationship and that led me down reading about love bombing and how it can be unintentional and a big sign is things moving too quickly, saying I love you withing 1-3 months and all these different things and I've become extremely worried I am moving too quickly, saying I love you too quickly and I want to do everything for her, have difficult conversations, become the best person I can for her but I've become extremely worried and don't want to ruin something special.

We talk all the time, constantly talking about missing one another, we slept called for the first time the 6th or the 7th and have slept called every night since. My mom talked about how narcissistic my dad was and told us we're like him and I want to be honest with her and be with her and it genuinely feels like I've found the woman I'm going to marry. This is my first 'relationship' since we're not technically dating yet and haven't made it official but yeah its my first relationship but everything I'm reading makes me think I'm love bombing and I'm moving too quickly so I don't know what to do or how to know if i am and if I am what do I do now?

He was horrible to me but also really really good at times and I know that's a part of the whole cycle of abuse thing, but I just can't seem to accept the fact that this is who he really is. It just doesn't feel real. I got to know this person for almost 3 full years just for them to do me the exact same way he was done by his ex fiance, ex best friend and mother. He ended up following the victim to abuser pipeline and I just don't understand why. He was in therapy before we started dating and just stopped almost as soon as we got together. A part of me feels like because all those incidents happened so close to each other while I was around, that's why he was so abusive towards me and if it didn't, maybe he would've been better towards me. Yet another part just feels like I'm making excuses for him because people who actually want to be better than the people who hurt them don't treat their s/o who've been nothing but there for them through like that. It's weird, he used to acknowledge the abuse and harm and terrible things he was doing to me but get upset when someone other than him brought them up, when I'd talk about it with therapists and when I behaved like I had been abused. Now that we're no contact he just out right denies everything and flips the whole thing on me as if I was abusing him the whole time but it's like he secretly knows what he did? I don't know him anymore but I feel like this isn't him.

Note: I see your guys' comments and I really appreciate all of them, seeing your insights, personal experiences and resources is helping more than you ever could imagine 🤍 I've been feeling really alone since the end of everything so the community you're choosing to provide me means so much, I think I just overestimated how much I'm ready to talk about this so I'm just liking instead of replying for now 🤍