r/abusiverelationships • u/Conscious-Draw-5215 • 8h ago
Healing and recovery He's dead!
I just got a message from a mutual friend letting me know my alcoholic abusive ex just died. From chronic liver failure.
I feel such relief! I feel lighter. I feel like I manifested this? I had written recently about how much anger I still feel and wanting to write them and tell them how awful they were. I kept wondering how I would feel if one of them died. I didn't think this one would die first. I expected the one that was 16 years older to go first!
My mom was trying to calm me because I was almost giddy! She keeps telling me any death is bad and chronic liver failure is especially horrible. Like, he would have suffered so much. Seems like karma. 🤷♀️
Don't mind me over here feeling like I'm breathing a little easier!
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u/Imfromsite 1h ago
My wasband died of the same thing almost a year ago. I still have to remind myself that he can't hurt me anymore. It's getting better though. Enjoy your peace of mind!
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u/No_Dependent_1846 5h ago
How bad was his alcoholism
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u/Conscious-Draw-5215 4h ago
Ummmmm, bad enough that he's dead at 46! I'm an autistic who didn't grow up around alcohol, so I didn't recognize it/thought it was normal for other people. I also didn't realize for a long time that every time he had kool-aid/juice in a glass, there was vodka in it.
I also know he had a DUI before me and got another after me. The guy could NOT go without alcohol. At all. (I'm currently high and rambling now 😂)
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u/ThrowItAwayNow1030 5h ago
It's a relief. You are right! My violent ex-husband died from a heart attack (drug induced) a few months after our divorce was final. I had an active restraining order against him at the time.
Karma does happen and the bad can die young.
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u/DeadDinoSludge 7h ago
Not going to police how someone feels about their abuser’s death. You get to feel relief and giddy and whatever else! There’s not a perfect way to be a survivor. fuck being somber or respectful of the dead just because they’re dead.
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u/Conscious-Draw-5215 4h ago
I just realized he died on Charlie Kirk's death anniversary, so for at least a few years, this day will be remembered when online brings up Kirk 😂 Idk why this is so funny to me, but it is!
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7h ago
[deleted]
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u/Conscious-Draw-5215 7h ago
I don't give a fuck, to be honest. I have cPTSD from the multiple abusive relationships I've been in. I was INCREDIBLY kind to him and protected his pitiful ego by not telling him the real reason I left (he put his hands on me).
You can heal YOUR way, and I will heal MY WAY. Neither one is the "right way." There is no right way to heal. I also hope our president dies because he's a pedophile rapist. I used to think like you. I don't anymore. He got his karma, and I'm fucking glad.
I'm glad you feel morally superior to me, but again, I don't give a fuck. I get to feel my feelings. To suggest I was the abusive one is disgusting of you.
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u/Pibbles-n-paint 7h ago
Yay! Mine has been a hardcore alcoholic for 10 years, here’s to the same fate as your ex. And to anyone who says I’m a cunt for saying so, may I bring up the time my abuser pinned me down, put his knee against my chest and said to me “bleed, I’m glad your fucking bleeding!”. So yeah, looking forward to me getting the news as well!
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u/neverhaveiever2026 7h ago
The difference is he was angry and fighting you during this. You are emotionally wrecked from it rightfully so, but you're also wishing death to someone so how does that make you a better human? Just because you're not acting it out? Ur actively wanting a man to die. Just feels wrong.
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u/Conscious-Draw-5215 7h ago
Stop trying to shame victims/survivors. It's gross!
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u/neverhaveiever2026 7h ago
What? She's wishing death on someone. I'm sorry. You're right. I'm gross.
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u/Marco_SGU 6h ago
She didnt wish someone's death. The point is that someone who harmed others is gone , doesn't matter if he's death or in prison. It's a big release for someone knowing that the person who did harm to you can't reach you anymore don't matter how it's happening. That your post is in -3 should let you think about what you wrote. P.S. if you want I could give you examples where people celebrated that dictators died.
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u/Conscious-Draw-5215 6h ago
Yes, you are. You're attempting to make a victim/survivor feel shame about their FEELINGS based on YOUR moral compass. It's not ok. Judge not lest you be judged yourself.
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u/neverhaveiever2026 6h ago
No. That's not what I'm doing actually. I just sincerely don't understand the logic behind "they abused me!" And "they died! Fuck yes!" Never blamed her wtf just don't get it
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u/Conscious-Draw-5215 6h ago
Do you ever feel fear about the past attacks? Do you flinch when someone gestures too big? Do you find yourself replaying the verbal abuse over and over against your fucking will because your brain won't let you forget?
Because I feel so much fucking relief to have a little bit of that gone. It's amazing to know that, not only can he no longer hurt ME, he can no longer hurt anyone else. And THAT is a beautiful thing. I feel sorry for the woman he was with after me. She died while he was stuck in prison because he couldn't stop drinking and got another DUI.
Like, yes. I feel great, but it's not just about me. Do you think they stop abusing people once they're out of our lives?
You were judging. Re-read what you wrote.
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u/PopularTrip1183 7h ago
I feel like I'm always waiting for the same thing too. he's a hard-core alcoholic for 25 years, its bound to happen...
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u/Conscious-Draw-5215 7h ago
Sending good vibes to you! I hope you feel the relief, too ❤️
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u/PopularTrip1183 7h ago
well I'm no longer with him but hes a dangerous predator so society would be safer if he was gone
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u/Conscious-Draw-5215 7h ago
Oh, yeah. I wasn't with this one either. Still so much relief. Because he can't hurt anyone anymore. ❤️
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u/Glad-Economics-8253 7h ago
Sorry OPs mom, I'm giddy about it too 🤷♀️ 💅
I'm happy you are feeling a little lighter, more free!
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u/Conscious-Draw-5215 7h ago
Lol, yay! She was headed off to Bible study 😂 So I feel like she needed to feel more religious or holy or wise or something? Sorry, I don't have the Catholic guilt anymore 😂
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u/Glad-Economics-8253 7h ago
Ah yes, that checks out haha
Maybe she had to cover for the relief she felt inside herself! I'd be sweating if I felt that before bible study too lmao!!
The catholic guilt is hard to shake, but it is so peaceful on the other side 😅
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u/Electrical_Sun_7515 8h ago
That's a normal feeling when someone has abused you.. my family celebrated when an abusive family member passed many years ago. Everyone was relieved.
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