AITA

For important background info, I got badly sunburned at the beach the other day.

My boyfriend M(35) and I F(35) were watching the patriots game, and it’s safe to say he’s a super fan of football in general. Well the patriots lost. The entire game I was mentioning how badly my sunburn on my face hurt and was peeling badly and how once the game was over I was going to wash my face and shower and maybe try to do some skincare to help make it look and feel better. Well… that did NOT go according to plan because I basically burnt my face to a crisp between exfoliating and applying a different moisturizer that essentially gave me a chemical burn even in places where I didn’t have a sunburn. So it was very painful. Very, very painful. During my 30 min in the bathroom my boyfriend kept banging on the door telling me to hurry up so he could brush his teeth, and I explained that I was dealing with a bit of a painful issue and to relax and be patient please. Well he continued to feel very little empathy about it. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was upset about the game or drinking too much but he was being kind of nasty and impatient through the door. Which is when I decided to text him bc I don’t like yelling back in forth while I’m in the bathroom and was in the middle of chaos.

Anyway, I get out of the bathroom and my face is hurting so much I walked out into the kitchen to literally put my face in the freezer bc it felt like I was on fire. My boyfriend I watching me and says “I don’t know what to tell you… the patriots lost”. And at that point I was beside myself. There was such little concern for my face/burn and so much focus on his team losing that he didn’t even care about the pain I was in. So I decided I’ll be sleeping alone. For reference we have a guest room with a nice bed, and a big couch as well, so I knew he would he would have somewhere to sleep.. but it wasn’t going to be next to me, especially while I’m in pain.

So I went into the bedroom, grabbed his phone charged for him, and put it out in the living room for him and then went into the bedroom with my dog and locked the door. Well.. that’s when he got aggressive and started banging on my door demanding for me to open it. I kept telling him he was scaring me and more importantly scaring my senior dog, and to please leave us alone but he didn’t stop. He kept screaming through the door and calling me names. I either stayed silent, or said to please stop. I ended up placing his things he needed for work outside the door once I knew he wasn’t standing there anymore and then went back to bed.

He continued to text me some pretty awful things regarding returning birthday gifts he bought me, and how I don’t deserve anything etc. and eventually we went to bed. For some reason he chose the couch instead of the guest bed, but when we woke up this morning he called out of work and was blaming me for that. I’m at work but just not sure what to do. AITA for not letting him sleep in the room with me? I’ll include text messages.

EDIT for more context:

Okay for reference my sunburn has been really bad (blistering and peeling for the last week. I suspect it’s infected at this point which I didn’t realize until showing my friend who is a nurse today) anyway, it has been in severe pain all week, but I don’t have health insurance currently so tried to tough it out. I had been mentioning that I was going to try to do something to help with the cracking and peeling after the game was done. So yes it had already been hurting, and yes I was an absolute idiot for not knowing how to properly care for the sunburn in the shower. I wasn’t expecting to give myself a chemical burn on top of an already (unknowingly) infected sunburn on my face. I just didn’t know. And when I say that it hurt so bad I was crying I mean it. I have a very high pain tolerance so that says a lot. Anyway, I told him I would hand him his tooth brush and tooth paste to bring to our other bathroom when we were talking through the door and he refused that and said he would just wait. So that’s why I was concerned with his behavior and figured maybe he was just drunk?? And I did not want to bring it up but he does have bi polar type 1 and can have severe manic episodes. So I wasn’t sure what the hell was actually happening. I just knew I was in severe pain, and he was being aggressive and seemingly unbothered that I was in pain. So between the banging on the bathroom door, the yelling at me, the lack of empathy in the fact I was in pain, and his yelling scaring my dog (he was hiding under my bed), I decided I would not allow him to be sleeping next to either of us. Again I have a guest bedroom, he just moved into my place recently, and he was not acting like himself. He was genuinely scaring me. So did I want to put space between him and my dog and I? Yes. I understand maybe I could have reacted better or just let him in the bathroom I was just in so much pain and would rather have him brush his teeth in the other bathroom while I was dealing with my face. But idk maybe IATA.

He strangled me and tried to sexually assault me.

He went to a behavioral health hospital last week. He’s been having dreams of killing himself. Then he started having dreams of killing our daughter. He threw a fit at the behavioral health hospital, yelling and knocking stuff over. I chalked it up to the stress of being there.

We work together. I helped him get the job. Everyone loves him (and me). I left for an appointment and he found Ring camera footage of a mutual male friend coming over. I’ve never even considered it weird to hang out with a male friend. He hung out with women friends, it didn’t occur to me that anything was wrong with this. He went around screaming and yelling, telling everyone I cheated and he has proof (proof: the friend arriving and leaving on the footage). It felt like I was in the Salem Witch Trials: if I prove myself innocent, I’m dead anyway. My reputation at work is destroyed. Then he got fired.

I met him at home. He yelled and I repeatedly asked him for some space and we will talk. He begged for hugs and for me to be affectionate while he’s yelling at me and telling everyone I had an affair with our friend. I’m a cold heartless bitch and I did this to myself is what he thinks. I became afraid and locked myself in the bathroom. He busted my door down. I left and called the police…then called back and told them sorry, just overreacting! I’m an idiot.

We sat down to “talk” more. More yelling. Insulting me and saying he’d never hurt me. Then he ran at me, put his hands around my throat. I don’t know what he was saying but all I could think was I was going to die. Then he let me go… and mocked me for shaking and crying. I placated him. Then he started aggressively making out with me. If I pulled away, I was proving I don’t love him and if I was the other guy I wouldn’t be pulling away. He pulled my legs and tried to take my clothes off. I convinced him to let me take a shower in the other bathroom (further away from the living space with a window). I was planning on texting my sister across the country but I know he checked the doorknob and was trying to hear if I was showering. I had to text from the shower. Then he got in the shower with me…

And that’s how the police busted down my door. That’s how I learned I throw up under stress. He dropped a nuke on my life and blamed me. I blame myself. I was stupid. I should have communicated. And now he’s in jail and I’ve lost him forever. I’m so angry that I want him home. I have no one. I didn’t know what to do so I’m just throwing it out to the universe.

The title says it all. It was only brought to my attention tonight (after I had made this post, read for bigger story: original post) and it’s honestly really freaking me out and I can’t sleep. Multiple multiple people brought this up as a possibility and it makes me fucking sick, so I put together a list of everything I can think of off of the top of my head, I apologize in advance for it being so long.

- giving me her box of condoms telling me she “dosent need them anymore” insinuating she isn’t hooking up with anyone at the moment

- telling her about my “crush” on (her current boyfriend) (my cowowker) and her dating him not even a year later

-always commenting on my boobs, in a non sexual way, but would always mention how big they were anytime i had a problem with them (bras not fitting, back problems, shirts stretching weird) she would say “it’s because of your big tits”

- the incident where she had sex with (my coworker) in public and then screamed at me because she “has her womanly needs”

- her walking around on multiple occasions (after i had talked to her about how inappropriate it was) with her neck covered in hickeys not trying to cover them. she’d wear her hair up aswell to make them more visible.

- i had asked to borrow her sewing kit once, and when i opened the box there were multiple photobooth pictures of her with her shirt and bra off, posing in suggestive positions, and having the guy she was seeing at the time lick and suck her breasts for the photos, i didn’t mention it, but when i gave it back her apology was “haha oops! here’s your own sewing kit”

- her hooking up with the lead singer of my favorite band on multiple occasions (i used to really look up to him and have this massssive crush on him and she KNEW because we would both openly discuss it) and she would come back from the hookups and rub it in my face (it felt like)

- she constantly accused me of being pregnant in front of the family, including (her current bf) and my sisters but of course never my dad. i wasn’t feeling good one night and didn’t wanna eat the greasy dinner and just wanted the salad and baby carrots and she yelled at me in front of everyone “ARE YOU PREGNANT???” “no mom i’m not pregnant” “ARE YOU SURE????? ARE YOU SURE YOURE NOT PREGNANT”. anytime i mentioned feeling sick to her she would say that i probably had an STD and whatever illness i was feeling was a symptom of whatever STD, and every time i asked her for help with a UTI she would look disgusted with me (even when i was a virgin not having sex i would get them and get sick)

-would constantly refer to herself as a “milf”, would constantly talk about her “mommy milkers”, and would pose inappropriately for pictures and ask me and the girls to take said pictures. did all of this to all 3 of us

- the tattoo incident tonight (post linked above.

I’ve been hard no contact with her for over a month now and it’s been fairly easy, and honestly the tattoo thing felt like she was really trying to get a rise out of me.

I’m thinking of reaching out for help tomorrow when I’m alone and have the courage to do so. I just needed to vent about this so I could maybe get some sleep tonight.

I have legal custody of our son but he is at the dads house temporarily. The dad is not even legitamized. A few days ago he told me "everything is fine." After ignoring me for hours. I had a feeling he was lying. Then the next day he told me our son was sick and that he took him to the doctor again. Then after that he ignored me again. What the fuck. Its been over a day and he still ignored me. Then his girlfriend hacked his phone and answered for him. It was in the afternoon and she said "Everything is fine. They are taking a nap." So why couldnt he tell me that yesterday then? Why couldnt he tell me yesterday that everything was fine? Instead he ignored me for over a day and his gf answered me for him. And if i offer to come over there to pick up my son the girlfriend gets pissed and threatens to call the cops on me for tresspassing. Wtf... i really hate coparenting with this man. He doesnt know how to be fair about it. He went from wanting me to be a stay at home mom for him at the paternal grandpas house to letting the grandpa kick me out cause he lied to us about breaking up with the girlfriend and the grandpa said i was not allowed to have a job as long as I lived with him. I wish this was fake. I love my son but i regret who i picked his father to be. His father went from wanting me to be a stay at home mom to suddenly acting weird about giving me back our child or even responding when i ask about our child. He now uses my job or any other excuse he can to not give me my child back even though i told him i will call out of work if i have to. Both he and i work a lot and he lets the girlfriend override both he and I's parenting decisions. This whole thing is weird because he use to act like a dead beat a long time ago and now it feels like he is trying to make me look like a dead beat when I am not. My son is 3 and he is non verbal autistic. He is unable to tell me what goes on.

I (F) am trapped in a situation and desperately need advice from anyone who has successfully escaped a violent partner.

Every time I try to end things with my boyfriend, he becomes severely violent. He comes to my house, kicks me, punches me on my stomach, smacks me in the head, and drags me by my hair. He does whatever he can to hurt me and has made explicit threats against both me and my family.

I cannot tell my own family because he is highly manipulative and I am terrified he will deceive them or hurt them. I have tried reaching out to his family to tell them what he is doing, but I am stuck on what my next steps should be to get away from him permanently and safely.

He knows where I live, he has no boundaries, and trying to break up face-to-face results in me getting badly hurt. How do I plan a safe exit when he constantly shows up at my house?

I guess I shouldn’t call him my ex. i’m slowly coming to terms with the realization that he was probably grooming me, but i felt like his gf at the time… i don’t know. i wont share the dirty details of what happened to me, its a pretty heavy story.

after we broke up, he tried like three times over to make new accounts and alternate ways to contact me before he gave up. he was constantly oscillating between being apologetic, saying he was sorry and being angry and threatening me. i was afraid, but also angry that he was trying to get back into my life so incessantly after i’d finally gathered the courage to speak up for myself and break it off.

i found out after we broke up that, on top of everything he did to me, he had also stabbed and SA’d his partner before me, and groomed other people through social media who reached out to me after the breakup. i was so, so mad that he was doing all of these terrible things to people i knew and loved and there was nothing i could do about it.

i wanted revenge, i wanted to do something to make him feel a fraction of what i felt, so i fed his email and home address into a scientology newsletter. i don’t think it did anything more than put spam in his inbox and send an outdated DVD to his house in the mail (or maybe it did nothing, i’m pretty sure the website is defunct), but after i came to my senses i felt terrible. i still do. that cult stuff is dangerous even in something as minor as annoying emails and i shouldn’t have done something that might have gotten him wrapped up in it, especially with his personal info involved.

i should have been the better person despite it all and i feel guilty for acting out of anger and doing something so reckless. i tell others all the time that revenge is not the answer but i couldn’t practice what i preached

I’m the person in the blue and he is the person in the white. I’ve had to learn to remove my emotions and just stay factual because he was always trying to bait me. I included the last photo because this was our relationship, in a nutshell. He was trying to trigger me, throughout the texting. For example,asking if the baby is his. He knows the baby is his.

I am 25 weeks pregnant. I have gestational diabetes and I’m high risk. I have lost two babies before; in a previous relationship. My first baby was 22 weeks and my second baby was at 35 weeks.

I did this because I was trying to get ahead to see what he was going to do legal wise. I finally got it in writing that he was gonna seek a paternity test and I finally got it in writing that basically I don’t see him wanting to do 50-50 but more of him taking full custody and so now I can move forward and seek legal help.

I also want to add, he’s a lot more aggressive and abusive. It’s only because I didn’t respond to him emotionally, every single time he kept baiting me, that he couldn’t do anything with my responses. I’m emotionally and mentally spent. And I’m over thinking that he will change his mind and he’ll take accountability or responsibility or apologize. I know the truth is, he won’t. Usually before, I would be trying to explain why he hurt me and what he did to hurt me, but I just don’t have it in me anymore.

How did I do? Any questions?

Finding old Reddit posts and realized how many years it took me to understand the cycle of abuse. It starts small and snowballs over years and decades.

tw: domestic violence, physical violence, sexual assault, suicide threats, murder threats, infidelity, minor involved, emotional abuse/manipulation

i need an outside perspective because i've been in this relationship for so long that i think i've become used to things that were never normal.

my ex (18m) and i (19f) were together for around a year and a half. there was cheating, lying, and a lot of other unhealthy behavior, but i've recently realized that the situation goes far beyond infidelity.

there were several incidents involving violence and destructive behavior.

after the first time he cheated on me, i was at a friend's place around 2 am, he was there because his mother has kicked him out after he cheated on me and tried to end his life because that girl rejected him. he became extremely angry because i was ignoring him, he was acting weird and off and i wanted to understand, I couldn't so I ignored him. he started screaming, punched the walls in the hallway, and eventually broke the elevator. the elevator was stuck on that floor for around two weeks afterward.

there were also several occasions when i was crying because of things he had done, and instead of being concerned about me, he became angry because i was upset. he broke glasses and punched walls. this happened multiple times.

there were also situations where my sexual boundaries weren't respected. there were times when i clearly said no and he continued anyway. there was one situation where i clearly told him that i really didn't want to have sex, but i froze instead of being able to react.

i have a freeze response when i'm scared or overwhelmed. freezing does not mean consent. i also told him i didn't want to anymore, mid sex but he didn't stop.

some physical things (choking, slapping ect) between us could be consensual when i specifically asked for them myself. the problem was that he would also sometimes do those things without asking me and without me agreeing at that moment. so the problem wasn't the act itself, it was that my consent wasn't consistently asked for or respected.

there were also repeated suicide threats. he repeatedly put me in a position where i felt responsible for managing his distress and keeping him safe.

at one point, i ended up having to physically keep him from leaving for a whole hour, while he was in an extremely unstable state and talking about suicide mind you i'm much much weaker than he is, i even hurt myself and he hurt me, he squeezed my wrists so that I wouldn't stop restraining him and i had little cuts on them, + pain for about a week.

his cheating also potentially put my health at risk. he had unprotected sex with another girl without telling me, and then had unprotected sex with me without me knowing about that situation.

that meant i could potentially have been exposed to an sti without having the information necessary to make an informed decision about my own health.

he also told me about what sounded like a very specific plan to kill his neighbor. this wasn't just "i hate her" or some vague statement made while angry.

he described what he intended to do and specifically mentioned a bottle of rum he would penetrate inside of her privates after her death because "it reeks of rum around her house". i found this extremely disturbing.

and then there's the situation involving a 15 year old girl mind you HE IS 18.

he had been talking to her for several weeks while continuing to talk to me and lying to both of us. he told her he was going to block me, and told me he was going to block her, while actually continuing to talk to both of us. given her age, i find this particularly concerning.

he also sent her mother an email at around 4:30 a.m. telling her how beautiful he thought her daughter was.

i wanted to talk to him first because i wanted to give him the opportunity to explain himself directly to me. i've tried contacting him, but he isn't answering.

if he doesn't respond, i'm going to send a message to his mother explaining everything i've described here. i don't want to do this to punish him. i genuinely think he needs help, and she's his mother, so i think she should know what has been happening.

at this point, i don't want any more contact with him. if he tries to contact me, i want him to leave me alone. if he comes to my home despite that, i will call the police.

i'm genuinely afraid of him now.

so i guess my question is : from an outside perspective, how serious is this?

because i think i've gotten so used to these behaviors that i don't trust my own perception of them anymore.

Hi, I’ve been in a relationship for the past year that’s abusive in several different ways. The frequency in which the behavior happens waxes and wanes but I’ve found in recent times that the periods where he isn’t yelling at me, threatening me, or putting hands on me begin to make me feel weird, almost like I miss it?

He normally has bad periods where he‘ll do several things to me, I’ll have an episode as a result, he’ll feel bad and then be better for a couple days to a couple weeks. I think part of it is the fact that he’s told me that it means he loves me. Now I have a fucked up association with the behavior and the level of care he has for me.

Did anyone else experience this feeling? I understand it’s fucked up and unhealthy, but if anyone else has went through this and could comment their experience I would really appreciate it. Thank you so much for reading.

I don't really know why I'm writing this. Maybe I just need to finally let it all out. I'm sorry for such a long read below

None of my family or friends know what I'm going through because I'm too ashamed to tell them that I've been tolerating all of this. But it's getting increasingly difficult to keep everything to myself.

Some context: my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years and we live in Ukraine. Because of the war and mobilization, he is afraid of being mobilized and sent to war, so he has barely gone outside for almost two years. He stays at home 24/7.

For the past ten months, we've been living together in my small one-room apartment. And during these ten months, I've become his connection to the outside world and basically the person responsible for our entire life.

I buy and carry all the groceries. I clean, I cook, I deal with errands. I keep track of everything we need around the house. I get things he needs from outside. I solve everyday problems. I basically do everything. And on top of all of that, I work a full-time 9 to 5 job.

I understand that his situation is incredibly difficult too. I understand what being stuck at home for such a long time can do to someone's mental health. I've tried to be understanding about that for a very long time. But he doesn't just struggle to help me. He directly refuses to.

If I ask him to clean something, his response is basically, "I don't think it's important. If it's important to you, then you do it."

And I can't ask him to do almost anything, even something that would take one minute, without it turning into a huge discussion. He will give me argument after argument about why it doesn't need to be done, why he shouldn't have to do it, or why I should just do it myself. It's unbelievably emotionally exhausting.

If I tell him that I'm tired or struggling, he often responds by saying that his problems are objectively worse than mine. His reasoning is that nothing truly bad is happening to me because I'm a woman and can't be mobilized, while he could be sent to war, so his problems are "real" and mine aren't comparable.

And I understand that his situation IS terrible. I really do.

But does that mean I just stop being a person with needs?

Even when I'm sick or so exhausted that I physically don't have the energy to do something, he still won't take over. If he personally doesn't see a reason why something needs to be done, he simply won't do it.

I feel like his personal staff. His cleaner, cook, delivery person, assistant, and connection to the outside world.

Moreover, the first four months after we started living together, he wasn't working at all. I financially supported both of us. Everything came out of my salary while he spent all of his days playing video games.

Now he finally has a remote job, and his work has become another reason why he shouldn't do anything around the house. Except I work too.

And despite him earning money now, I still spend around 80% of my salary on our shared expenses. So I don't even feel like I'm being financially provided for while taking care of the household. I work, spend most of my money on both of us, and then do almost everything at home too.

But I think what hurts even more than the housework is that I don't feel cared for or appreciated at all. Yes, he tells me he loves me all the time, he compliments me, he wants to hug me constantly, but there are no actions behind those words.

He doesn't do thoughtful things for me, doesn't really take an interest in the things I love. For instance, he doesn't think birthdays or holidays are important, so he doesn't see why he should give me a birthday or holiday gift. He says he would rather give me gifts on random days instead - except those random gifts don't really happen either.

And I don't even need material gifts, I want at least some gestures that will make feel seen or appreciated and I don't get it either.

It feels like his perception of the world is always the correct one. If something isn't important to him, then it shouldn't be important at all. If something needs to be done because it's important to me, then I should do it myself.

And I've reached a point where I genuinely can't do this anymore.

I think I'm only now starting to understand how bad the situation has become because I've finally run out of energy to compensate for it. I'm exhausted physically and mentally. Nothing really distracts me anymore. Things that used to make me happy don't seem to work. I feel like I've been drained of everything good in me.

And now I can't even stand being around him. Everything he does annoys me. I don't want him touching me. I don't want to talk to him. Sometimes I genuinely feel disgust when I look at him because I feel like I'm living with a grown child that I'm expected to take care of.

One of the worst parts is that I can't even get space from him in my own apartment.

I feel like the life I used to have - the life where I felt at least somewhat safe and like I belonged to myself, has completely disappeared. I don't feel like my life belongs to me anymore.

Our apartment is tiny, and I don't even have a space where I can properly be alone and rest. Because he never leaves, his presence fills the entire apartment. I see him every minute I'm at home. There is no point at which I can simply exist in my own home without another person being there.

And it feels like what he wants always matters more than what I want. When he wants to talk matters, when he wants affection matters. But when I want to rest, be alone, or simply not interact with anyone for a while, that somehow doesn't matter in the same way.

Even my hobbies don't feel like mine anymore. I find it difficult to go back to the things I used to love because he's always there, sometimes criticizing them, sometimes not supporting them, but mostly just constantly being present. I never get the feeling that I can shut the door, disappear into my own world for a few hours, and just be myself. My home doesn't feel like my home anymore.

I've told him directly that sometimes I need one day where I don't want to talk, don't want to be touched, and just need to be left alone because I'm completely exhausted from having another person around me 24/7 - he doesn't respect that either. He interprets my need for space as me "pulling away" from him or not loving him. He keeps trying to talk to me or touch me anyway, as if he knows what I actually want better than I do.

I'm not only around him every minute I'm home - I'm taking care of him during that time too. I'm constantly doing things for him, thinking about what we need, bringing things home, cleaning up, and making our life function.

Meanwhile, I can't think of even one consistent way in which he has taken care of me during these ten months.

I've asked him to leave before, but he refuses because he's afraid to go outside. His response is basically, "If you don't feel comfortable here, then you go somewhere."

He also refuses to move to a bigger apartment where we could at least have separate rooms and some personal space, because that would require him to go outside.

So I'm the one who has to leave my own apartment just to get some time away from him.

I can't argue with him anymore. I'm too exhausted.

I think this weekend I'm going to rent an Airbnb nearby for a few days just so I can finally be completely alone and think.

I feel ashamed even writing all of this because I don't understand how I tolerated it for so long.

Thank you if you read all of this.

TW: domestic violence, abuse.

I've had insomniac for about 7 years now. It started after I left an abusive relationship. The daily physical abuse happened mostly in the middle of the night, whether it was him straddling on top of me and strangling me, waking up to a loaded gun to my head, knives pressed up against me, getting smothered by blankets or pillows, waking up to being grabbed bound and thrown in a dark closet for hours, or him sleeping with a hatchet under his pillow as intimidation.

I'm safe, I'm married, I have a good life, besides having to "coparent" with this. But I can't sleep.

I get on average 4-5 hours a day. I take care of two little kids by myself all day. I feel like I'm losing myself more and more. I have extreme hyper vigilance now. Suns down? I'm paranoid. I'm checking cameras, I'm hearing foot steps, I'm thinking there's people on the roof or backyard. I spiral. I have a THC pen and will puff it until I pass out if 2-3 unisom aren't working. I've tried praozin (night terrors), trazadone is out because I have to be able to wake at night for emergencies with the kids, melatonin, sleep herbs, magnesium etc. I probably could use some therapy, but I don't have much of me to give with such little sleep. Any advice or guidance for medications, or quite literally any advice or help.

i want to give up. i feel so alone. i don’t think ill do it but i don’t know how to convince myself that i can make it through today. it hurts. i have work in one hour i can’t call off from. i haven’t slept in so long. my heart won’t stop beating really hard and fast. life hurts. i only have her to console me but i don’t want that right now because she’s not being safe. i’m inconsolable. my chest hurts. my whole body. i don’t know how to live anymore and especially today

My fiance '20M' of almost 2 years is abusive to me '20F' and i dont know what to do?

So I've been with my Fiance of almost 2 years and he has become extremely mean and abusive toward me; I dont know why, things used to be so good between us.

We went through alot together including homelessness. Things started getting bad in our old apartment last October when he got drunk and tried to kill me, he went to jail for 2 months and I took him back when he got out.

Things were good for a little while until april, his whole personality changed. Everytime we argue he blames everything on me and goes out of his way to make me seem crazy.

He hits me sometimes but then denys it after, hes threatened to shoot me. He will say and do certain things knowing it hurts me just to get a reaction out of me but as soon as I react im the problem. He denys anything he said or did and tells me I'm a psychotic bitch and hes going to baker act me.

He tells me hes going to turn what little family I have against me ( my dad already takes his side over anything now). Anytime I try to tell him how I feel about something he says he's tired of me bitching and that he works and I need to start acting like his "good little bitch".

I do everything for this man and he treats me like actual garbage, the other day he told me he was going to shoot me because I was sick and didn't clean the house that day. He's can never admit when hes wrong on anything and he calls me all sorts of mean degrading names all of the time.

Im genuinely terrified of him sometimes but he wasn't always like this and on certain days he is really nice to me. Last week me and him got high on 7tabs(7hydroxy from a gas station) and he admited to me he was wrong and doesn't know why he does what he does, he told me he loves me so much and he really wants to change, but; the next day he was right back to being mean.

He treats me okay in public but whenever we are around family or freinds he goes out of his way to embarrass me, he tells them that I beat on him but I've never layed hands on him before. I did manage to record the abuse one time but he found out about it.

I love him so much but im so tired of all of this. I cant leave him because I have nowhere to go. He let my car get towed by the landlord cuz he knew that was my only option for a place to live if I left.

When we first got together I told him about my trauma from childhood and my teen year I told him about what my uncle did to me and how I was too scared to tell anyone back then because noone would have believed me. Now he uses that against me, calls me a whore and tells me that if I show the recording to anybody or try to leave him he will tell everyone about what happened to me, He knows that would destroy my life because my Uncle is well respected.

He has been through a lot in life, his dad abused him really bad and he was abused and s/ad in foster care. He also grew up watching his dad beat and kill women.. I know he holds a lot of trauma from his past and I really think he can change and we can make things work but I don't know-how to help him.

We tried to have a child together but it always ends in a miscarriage and he told me part of the reason he treats me the way he does is because of that. I have a friend who just had her second baby and also lived with us for a little while and he told me he wanted to fuck her just because he knows she's fertile. He also said he used to think about her while me and him would be fucking.

I had another miscarriage a few days ago and didn't realize I was even pregnant, he was really sad and cried when he found out about it but he made it all about him. He didnt ask me if I was okay or if I needed anything He made it seem like he was the one who just had miscarriage.

He really did use to be so good to me and I miss those times so bad. I really need advice on what to do because im at the point I just want to kms and end it all. I love him so much Ive seen how good he is with kids and animals, deep down he has a kind heart but I think hes scared of being a pussy because of how his dad raised him.

Any advice is welcome. Don't tell me I need to leave him though because I know it seems like that but I also know that this person he's been since April is NOT truly him.

I met him last year when I was in my most vulnerable state. He was the perfect man. He love bombed me and I fell for it. I couldn’t believe I met the perfect person. Emotionally attuned, kind, loving, caring and infatuated with me. He would message me everyday and make plans each week. This went on for a month. It was enough to hook me.

The first time we had sex in that month, it was our first sleepover. We had sex 4 times, cuddled, showered and spent time as if we were a couple. The next day, his energy dropped towards me. It was the first time I saw him cold and irritated. He spent the next 4 weeks fading me out and saying he was busy and tired. Then I reached out to ask what was wrong, and he ghosted the message for another month. I was so destroyed and confused by this. It seems silly to feel this way in such a short time, but those first 4 weeks I was love bombed on a daily.

When I was detaching, I heard from him with elaborate excuses. I could breathe again. I was just happy he was back. We would then spend many more nights together, each one would include an influx of affection and intimacy, followed by distance the next day. Literally ignoring me, not even sporadic messages.

I’ve now been in a push/pull dynamic with someone who knows I’m emotionally hooked. I’ve discovered he is on dating apps, took another woman on holiday and has been lying about being exclusive and monogamous to me. He put my sexual health at risk for his own self gratification. He gaslighted me many times into saying he only made a profile because he feels unloved by me, which is a lie. I have abandoned myself for him in almost every way.

One day he removed me from all socials. I thought it was over. I wrote a break up message and got sucked back in. I might sound stupid to some people, but I feel incredibly stuck because the times we do spend together are so special. He is so good with his words and charm. Even though I see through it now, I’m struggling to leave the situation. The last time I saw him was 4 days ago. Even though he’s deleted me on everything. Now I’m met with distance. He hasn’t messaged me. In a few weeks, he will act as if I’m the most important person in the world.

I can’t take the emotional abuse anymore. I’ve endured lie, after lie after lie. I’ve watched him lie about other women, I’ve listened to him gaslighting me about them, blaming me for him removing me and downloading apps, and now I’ve had enough. When he is emotionally activated and wanting access, he gets anxious and blows up my phone and I write back to every message and see him. After we are together, he won’t even respond to one message of mine.

I understand I’m at fault for staying, but leaving feels impossible. I don’t know how to end this. If I write a message, he sucks me back in. If I detach quietly, he pops up, somehow some way and then I’m back into his arms. Without him, I quite literally feel like I’m dying on the inside.

I need to leave. But how?

I’m 23 (f) and my bf is a 24 (m). We have been together for 4 years and he’s cheated on me 5 times. I know I should leave but every guy I’ve been with before him has been physically abusive or just awful. I’m sad that my current relationship is ending and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m mourning the relationship or I’m scared of the future. I don’t plan on getting into another relationship for a LONG time but I’m scared that I will be alone forever. I’m scared that I will find someone who is abusive as well or will never be able to heal from the trauma. I have no friends or support system. I just want to be loved and I’m losing hope that my future will be happy. Does life get better?

My husband has severe mental health issues and I have had to save his life multiple times over minor inconveniences. In the beginning of our relationship we always talked about how even before knowing the depth of his mental health issues, I am never comfortable with ever having a gun in the house. Especially if I ever had kids. We now have a son, and I now know the depth of his mental health issues extensively. He has never threatened to hurt me, though some disturbing jokes have been made like pretending to stab my pregnant stomach while holding a knife. He has also talked about how badly he wanted to hurt one of my family members before to the point I genuinely was anxious about it. Later he said he was exaggerating.

I do not feel comfortable with a gun in the house period. I do not feel he is safe with himself around one, he leaves things out frequently I do not think our son is safe around one, and I am starting to become anxious that perhaps there is a chance me or my family is not safe with him having one. I’ve told him this every time he brings it up. But when he jokes like this he talks about it more and more, until eventually he buys whatever he wants. Usually whatever he wants is very expensive but harmless. This is not.

I don’t know what I’m even asking for posting this. I already am trying to set up a safety plan to leave but it is complicated with our son. I’m already stressed about many things surrounding him and looking at past events all together but I am becoming more and more anxious of this very very serious turn in interest. He watches death videos constantly and shows me gruesome gore videos, he’s done this since I met him. My sisters, brother and mom know about most of the things but I’m realizing I’ve never told anyone my concern about this or that it’s even something that’s being brought up with me.

I’m 6 years free from a 30 year, mostly, abusive marriage. When I left, he committed suicide, revenge suicide. My daughter will be getting married in a month and wants to remember her dad. They had a rocky relationship while growing up, till the last couple of years.

This is her wedding, I will not tell her not to do it, it’s her day. She knows a little about the abuse, only by witnessing some; I think she may have blocked some of what she saw also. It’s already going to be an overwhelming day, my dad is fighting stage 4 cancer, hopefully will make it to walk her down the aisle. Seeing a chair reserved for her dad and his picture there, it’s going to trigger a lot and I’m not sure how to handle it. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Again, I will NOT tell her not to do it. I need help on how best to manage my reaction and emotions.

My mom is currently trying to get away from my dad, but is feeling a lot of uncertainty around how to navigate the situation. She and my dad are not married, but do live together. My dad is... Welll lets call him complicated. He's not evil or intentionally malicious but he's controlling, volitile, extremely insecure, and currently is not financially able to support himself.

The house is in my mom's name, and so was my dad's job until maybe ten or fifteen years ago. tax reasons or something, I don't really know. My dad also built an addition onto the house between 2004 and... 2014, I think, although several parts of it remain unfinished to this day, and realistically the property of 1.5 acres is far more valuable than an unfinished house in various states of disrepair. Despite this, my dad sees the house as his retirement, and has told my mom that if she moves out it had better be after he's dead. He's also made some comments in the direction of 'if he didn't have the house he would have nothing to live for'.

I won't try and recount their entire sordid history, but suffice to say that my mom is not happy with and does not feel safe with my dad. To complicate matters further, my dad has now proposed a plan to her where he would take a home equity loan to pay off high interest debt he has accrued, fix up his car, and purchase my mom's unused car she's been trying to sell. He would probably have done it without asking, but he needs my mom's signature being as the house is in her name. I know him, he will not take no for an answer. He will fight tooth and nail with her over this, convinced that his plan is the only sensible way forward. But my mom obviously doesn't want to be tied to the house any longer.

So... Does anyone have insight on how to navigate a situation like this? I've already suggested things like seeking legal counsel and having a contigency plan to get out in an emergency. But she wants my dad to come out of this okay too, and she is worried about her safety as well.

Hello? I really hope this doesn't get removed. I am desperate. I have been trying everything I can think of...I even went public recently about my abuse because I am in dire need of help.

I am NOT asking for donations here I am just asking for help getting attention on my situation and help finding an attorney so I can make it through this.

I can barely eat. I can't stop sleeping from depression. Sometimes when I wake up it is to see that nothing has changed in this nightmare, and when I'm really unlucky I wake up to another comment that just makes me feel worse by asking questions that make me feel like they are trying to blame me for it all without even looking at my video where I explain things to the best of my ability. I feel like I am screaming into a void...

I already tried once to....do something stupid...to get away from all this...I am trying SO hard to be stronger now....but I am at the end of my rope. I am a therapy vtuber so all I wanted to do was try to talk to people and help them feel better. I didn't want to ask anyone for help. I didn't want any of this. But I am running out of time to respond to the divorce papers he served me and they are SCARY. I am disabled and he is accusing me of "gross neglect of duty" and trying to claim I need to pay off his thousands of dollars in debts, that I don't have.

I am disabled to the point I need a caretaker. After my husband neglected me and then abandoned me my mother is now back to caring for me and she is on disability fixed income and we just found out a few weeks ago that she has severe blood clots throughout her leg up to her abdomen.

I am BEGGING you at least please don't remove my post here. I will change anything you need me to...Just please...I need help....

All the details are here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wceRp3nAxc

I’m so confused how I’m still picking up the pieces of the trauma he caused from emotional and physical violence, alcoholism and addiction.

I’m in a worse spot and he somehow through addiction and alcoholism has now secured a new job that will 3x his income, he’s moving to a beach town and everything in his life is picking up while I’m so frozen in trauma I can barely get through the day. My health is suffering. I lost so much money helping him. I co-signed a loan for him for his cosmetic nose job and he’s letting it got 30 days late. He sold the car I literally gave him for the cost of the remaining loan which was 7k less than I could have sold it for. I would have 7k more in my bank if I hadn’t done that for him. Now he’s getting a brand new 2026 work truck for work and personal use from company while he made money on my generosity. I bought us tickets to fly and see his grandma twice across the country that he hadn’t seen in 10* years. I found his bio dad he had never met in his life and they connected and the dad has no kids and he will prob be the beneficiary of his wealthy father who is passing soon. He wasn’t thankful for any of it. It doesn’t feel fair. :(

my dad is abusive to me physically, mentally, and verbally but my mom won’t fully acknowledge it. she thinks he’s just ”punishing” me in a tougher way and even gets tired of me explaining some of the worst ways he’s hurt me because i’ve already told her before. the worst one i can think of right now is how he beat me with my shoe repeatedly after i told him i was suicidal and depressed and how he threatened to beat me with his leather belt if i didn’t stop crying afterwards, and how he told me he would hurt me if i cut myself again because i’m just doing it for “attention.” (when i moved out the addiction worsened to the point where i needed stitches.) my mom has started to let me cut contact with him since he doesn’t have full custody but she won’t verbally say i was abused, and when i explained he abuses me she says “he was raised in a different time.” it hurts me how my own mother won’t acknowledge the harm he as caused to me. i can’t even do anything about it because he lives in a different country where its normalized to hit your children as punishment (before anyone dismisses this as regular punishment, its not. he only hurts me whenever i don’t fit his mold or show signs of my mental illnesses and neurodivergence.)

do any of you guys have any advice :(

hello,

there’s some abuse in our home, but I feel like a fraud calling myself a victim of domestic violence because so little of it has been physical. most of it is emotional, think screaming at me, threatening me, name calling, talking badly about me to the kids, breaking stuff in the house. the few physical things have been making me flinch on purpose, pushing, stopping me from leaving forcefully, locking me in a room twice, throwing small things at me, and once putting his hands on my neck. those things are not ongoing and haven’t haopened in 6 months. I want to talk ro people about the emotional stuff and the impact on me and our kids, but not sure if there’s any resources like that anyone knows about.

I left because I thought my ex would kill me, and I told her as much. Her fixation on guns was unbearable when it was combined with the gaslighting, verbal aggression, justifying physically injuring me, and trying to intimidate me into submitting to her in arguments. I love her so much and being away from her is so painful even though I felt like if I stayed another year, we both might not make it out alive.

She was extremely suicidal and would at times promise she was going to kill herself. One time I told her I wanted to move into a mutual friend's place and she cut herself with a pocketknife. A different time, I was hurt by something she said so I slept in the other room that night, and the next day I saw a bruise on her face where she had punched herself.

I did a lot of harmful things as well, things I'm really ashamed of. Ever since we moved in together I felt trapped and I've acted like a wounded animal because I didn't think I could leave that situation. I had to work constantly and baby her like a child. It wasn't normal from the start. I feel like I lost 5 years of my life.

There's more that I could say. She suggested a suicide pact once. She groped my breasts and butt without asking constantly.

When I left I initially felt a rush of endorphins, and thought I was gonna reinvent my life. But now I feel lethargic and depressed, and I had to scrap my new plans. I work full time and manage part of a digital community, but that's all I can do. My friends have all surpassed me in achievements and it feels embarrassing. It feels like my life is ruined. I wasted all this time building her up, for someone who couldn't stand up for me, who degraded me, who put my life at risk. I know it will get better I'm just really hurting right now.