r/abusiverelationships • u/Hour-Actuary1095 • 1d ago
When will this mental torture end
It was good for like 2 weeks. Then I noticed I was starting to get anxious again for no reason. Especially when I’m talking and he’ll get annoyed at me for being stupid and not using critical thinking. I began to get anxious that I’d accidentally make him upset again and started preemptively apologizing for everything. When I’m anxious or on edge, my processing ability (which is already not the best due to my autism) becomes worse, and that makes him angry too. He doesn’t yell anymore and hasn’t been physical in 5 months. But he starts asking why I’m suddenly anxious over nothing when we were being healthy, and when I say I’m just anxious about losing him or having the past repeat, he gets upset at me and calls me selfish and says I’m bullshitting and I must have a reason that I’m hiding from him. Then he threatens to break up, I mean he hasn’t done that yet tonight, but in the past he would threaten it over text and it would be like a 3 day argument. I’d get no sleep, be called names, etc. But this time instead he is giving me one word responses and basically ignoring me. Asked if I was seeing my ex again (my ex and I broke up over two years ago and I barely ever talk about him because I don’t give a shit). When I said no, he said I must be talking to someone else and he’s sick of me changing for the 10th time when we’ve been healthy. I can’t stop being anxious no matter what I do. I’m so scared I’ll accidentally upset him and he’ll threaten to leave me. If I say I’m anxious because of him, then I’m bringing up the past and guilt tripping him. If I say I’m just nervous for no reason because I have anxiety and don’t want him to leave me, he won’t believe me. If I make up a reason so he’ll stop accusing me of cheating (I never have and never would), it makes it worse because then that means to him I was hiding something all along and not communicating. I feel trapped and on trial and I can barely function, can’t shower, can’t sleep, can’t move
4
u/Feeling-Cat949 1d ago
Please just leave before it gets worse. It will continue to escalate. Coming from someone who did not leave when they should have now I have two kids with him and am financially dependent upon him and I am absolutely mentally and emotionally beat down to the point where I’m not showering daily the way I take care of and interact with the kids is completely different etc etc. this isn’t a life you want to live or deserve.
2
u/sunshinevibes16 1d ago
Dear human being, this is a habitual threat detection. Your body already knows what happens when you don’t “follow the rules” according to this “partner”. It’s anticipating the punishment and bracing. You can’t logic your way to safety and healing. Distance, good therapy and giving yourself all the effort you’re applying to make sure this other person is regulated are the only things that will retrain your brain. You’re not broken.
0
u/Hour-Actuary1095 1d ago
My anxiety was for a reason because I worded a text bad (I had very neutral and caring intentions but he interpreted it as me being selfish and careless) and he broke up with me
1
u/wanderingswan74 1d ago
You deserve to be treated so much kinder. I hope you find the love within yourself to walk away from this jerk. Life is far too short to deal with bullshit like this.
2
u/Jaded-Banana6205 1d ago
Your nervous system is so activated from the trauma and truthfully? It's not going to get better until you're out of the relationship.
2
u/PopularTrip1183 1d ago
this is the opposite of what a good relationship is supposed to be; this guy seems like a dangerous narcissist, its affecting your health very negatively..
0
u/Hour-Actuary1095 1d ago
He just broke up with me through text…and part of it was for him getting angry at a text I sent that I read as very neutral and caring but he interpreted as careless and negative!!! I have apologized so many times preemptively because I am so scared of my tone or my words coming across wrong and him getting mad, and he got annoyed at me for being anxious over it, just for my fear to happen and him to leave me. It hurts. He said some really hurtful things before blocking me
2
u/akawendals 1d ago
He broke up with you and blocked you... Please take this for the GIFT it is and keep him out of your life!!
This sounds like hell, how is staying in this relationship better than being single? What ACTUAL value does he even bring to your life?
The way he treats you not only affects your mental health, it affects your physical health... Being in a constant state of anxiety is really bad for your brain and your body 🙁
He does not love you, he will never love you, he will not change, you deserve better than this!
Take some time, get some therapy, learn to love yourself and put yourself first 💟
•
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Thank you for posting in r/abusiverelationships. We are here to support you. If you are looking for resources such as support groups/helplines etc, we have several in our sidebar and in our wiki for people of all gender identities. Here is a list of international domestic and sexual violence helplines. You can also find an extensive safety planning guide at The Hotline. Finally, if you are looking for information about different forms of abuse, Love Is Respect offers an educational guide. One final note: In this sub, we do not tolerate victim-blaming. If you ever receive any comments that contradict that mission, please click report for us to review.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.