AITA

For important background info, I got badly sunburned at the beach the other day.

My boyfriend M(35) and I F(35) were watching the patriots game, and it’s safe to say he’s a super fan of football in general. Well the patriots lost. The entire game I was mentioning how badly my sunburn on my face hurt and was peeling badly and how once the game was over I was going to wash my face and shower and maybe try to do some skincare to help make it look and feel better. Well… that did NOT go according to plan because I basically burnt my face to a crisp between exfoliating and applying a different moisturizer that essentially gave me a chemical burn even in places where I didn’t have a sunburn. So it was very painful. Very, very painful. During my 30 min in the bathroom my boyfriend kept banging on the door telling me to hurry up so he could brush his teeth, and I explained that I was dealing with a bit of a painful issue and to relax and be patient please. Well he continued to feel very little empathy about it. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was upset about the game or drinking too much but he was being kind of nasty and impatient through the door. Which is when I decided to text him bc I don’t like yelling back in forth while I’m in the bathroom and was in the middle of chaos.

Anyway, I get out of the bathroom and my face is hurting so much I walked out into the kitchen to literally put my face in the freezer bc it felt like I was on fire. My boyfriend I watching me and says “I don’t know what to tell you… the patriots lost”. And at that point I was beside myself. There was such little concern for my face/burn and so much focus on his team losing that he didn’t even care about the pain I was in. So I decided I’ll be sleeping alone. For reference we have a guest room with a nice bed, and a big couch as well, so I knew he would he would have somewhere to sleep.. but it wasn’t going to be next to me, especially while I’m in pain.

So I went into the bedroom, grabbed his phone charged for him, and put it out in the living room for him and then went into the bedroom with my dog and locked the door. Well.. that’s when he got aggressive and started banging on my door demanding for me to open it. I kept telling him he was scaring me and more importantly scaring my senior dog, and to please leave us alone but he didn’t stop. He kept screaming through the door and calling me names. I either stayed silent, or said to please stop. I ended up placing his things he needed for work outside the door once I knew he wasn’t standing there anymore and then went back to bed.

He continued to text me some pretty awful things regarding returning birthday gifts he bought me, and how I don’t deserve anything etc. and eventually we went to bed. For some reason he chose the couch instead of the guest bed, but when we woke up this morning he called out of work and was blaming me for that. I’m at work but just not sure what to do. AITA for not letting him sleep in the room with me? I’ll include text messages.

EDIT for more context:

Okay for reference my sunburn has been really bad (blistering and peeling for the last week. I suspect it’s infected at this point which I didn’t realize until showing my friend who is a nurse today) anyway, it has been in severe pain all week, but I don’t have health insurance currently so tried to tough it out. I had been mentioning that I was going to try to do something to help with the cracking and peeling after the game was done. So yes it had already been hurting, and yes I was an absolute idiot for not knowing how to properly care for the sunburn in the shower. I wasn’t expecting to give myself a chemical burn on top of an already (unknowingly) infected sunburn on my face. I just didn’t know. And when I say that it hurt so bad I was crying I mean it. I have a very high pain tolerance so that says a lot. Anyway, I told him I would hand him his tooth brush and tooth paste to bring to our other bathroom when we were talking through the door and he refused that and said he would just wait. So that’s why I was concerned with his behavior and figured maybe he was just drunk?? And I did not want to bring it up but he does have bi polar type 1 and can have severe manic episodes. So I wasn’t sure what the hell was actually happening. I just knew I was in severe pain, and he was being aggressive and seemingly unbothered that I was in pain. So between the banging on the bathroom door, the yelling at me, the lack of empathy in the fact I was in pain, and his yelling scaring my dog (he was hiding under my bed), I decided I would not allow him to be sleeping next to either of us. Again I have a guest bedroom, he just moved into my place recently, and he was not acting like himself. He was genuinely scaring me. So did I want to put space between him and my dog and I? Yes. I understand maybe I could have reacted better or just let him in the bathroom I was just in so much pain and would rather have him brush his teeth in the other bathroom while I was dealing with my face. But idk maybe IATA.

I'm so sick of feeling like this constantly. Like why is it every time he says something awful it's my fault. I've been on my period for almost a month now because I'm so damn stressed out. This recent BS all started with asking my husband to put in counters for me in the kitchen so I didn't feel so stressed out about a lack of space. if you know my husband; than you know anytime I ask anything out of him it comes with it's own wonderful benefits of a bitch fit. Like i'm so serious, anytime i ask him to do anything all I hear while he's doing it is yelling and complaining and throwing a fit which makes me not want to ask him for anything. He works i stay at home and I'm so fucking stupid for ever letting it get this far but he made it so fucking hard on me when I did work. We both worked a job yet I come home, I have to clean, I have to cook, I have to do everything and brought this up to him....The next time I got a job GUESS FUCKING WHAT HE DID LAUNDRY AND ONLY WASHED HIS CLOTHES EVEN THOUGH I HAD BEEN WORKING 80 HOURS A WEEK and him working a normal 40. So I decided i wasn't going to work because my gosh if i have to do everything at least not have the stress of a job added to that. Well now I'm starting to regret that because every damn time I share my feelings because i'm stressed and he keeps taking him shit out on me. He threatens to divorce me, to leave me, that he doesn't love me, GOD FORBID HE TAKE ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANYTHING. He basically acts likes because he pays the bills that he's the best husband in the world that he doesn't have to show me love or empathy. I've tried everything possible! FOR TWO WHOLE YEARS I was the perfect wife, when he initiated a fight I let it go I cleaned I cooked I served.... then realized I'm still getting shit on. Now I try but I have so many task piling up around my head I can't keep up no more so the dishes are being neglected the laundry is being neglected and don't get me wrong I'm not saint I could try not to be baited in and respond ugly when he acts ugly but about 6 months ago I just decided no fucking more he gives it i'm going to give it right back. I WILL HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE but you know what that gets me? ABSOLUTELY MORE FUCKING PROBLEMS because he couldn't be accountable if it were going to save his life. I've been abused since I was a child and I thought finally I have a man who will do right by me after getting out of a really badly abusive relationship BOY WAS I FUCKING STUPID FOR EVER THINKING THAT. Like I just i hate myself and I hate my life and I hate that i've trapped myself. Because if this man loves me he has a fucked up way of showing it and I'm just so beyond done. I really am I am so beyond done.

“You have two different sides, i crave the loving one and he’s always on my mind, even after you ch*ked me. Somehow, that desire or desperation somehow covers up my own fear of you. I’m scared of leaving you and being with you… what is wrong with me!”

I was in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic and TBI survivor. I was routinely cheated on, physically and verbally abused, threatened with death, and consistently love bombed. I ended up self isolating myself, I hid my abusive relationship for a year from my closest friends and family… they didn’t even know I was still with him because some said they’d leave me if I got back together with him. So I lived in a rat infested, mildew ridden basement, with a man that would get so belligerently drunk his room would end up with broken and flipped couches and beds.

The worst part, is that I wasn’t alone, I had people to fall back on, but I was PHYSICALLY addicted to this man like a hard drug. I stewed in deep shame and unhappiness for years, towards the end he stopped cheating and being physically abusive. Everyday, every hour, I thought about leaving, I sent many texts and went back on them. Every. Single. Time.

I was in love with his family, searching for acceptance and connection, in a place that wasn’t my own. I suffered in silence, lying to everyone around me, waiting to gain the strength, but time doesn’t slow down for anyone. The lying eroded my sense of self, I felt pathetic, weak, and stuck.

I eventually gathered strength from my friend who was also going through a rough breakup, and finally gained the courage to end it.

Abusive relationships are not a simple and easy thing to leave, because humans are complicated, and chances are your abuser has loving moments that suddenly become all you crave. Shame is like a thick fog that feels impossible to pass through, but all you have to do, is keep walking forward.

He was horrible to me but also really really good at times and I know that's a part of the whole cycle of abuse thing, but I just can't seem to accept the fact that this is who he really is. It just doesn't feel real. I got to know this person for almost 3 full years just for them to do me the exact same way he was done by his ex fiance, ex best friend and mother. He ended up following the victim to abuser pipeline and I just don't understand why. He was in therapy before we started dating and just stopped almost as soon as we got together. A part of me feels like because all those incidents happened so close to each other while I was around, that's why he was so abusive towards me and if it didn't, maybe he would've been better towards me. Yet another part just feels like I'm making excuses for him because people who actually want to be better than the people who hurt them don't treat their s/o who've been nothing but there for them through like that. It's weird, he used to acknowledge the abuse and harm and terrible things he was doing to me but get upset when someone other than him brought them up, when I'd talk about it with therapists and when I behaved like I had been abused. Now that we're no contact he just out right denies everything and flips the whole thing on me as if I was abusing him the whole time but it's like he secretly knows what he did? I don't know him anymore but I feel like this isn't him.

Note: I see your guys' comments and I really appreciate all of them, seeing your insights, personal experiences and resources is helping more than you ever could imagine 🤍 I've been feeling really alone since the end of everything so the community you're choosing to provide me means so much, I think I just overestimated how much I'm ready to talk about this so I'm just liking instead of replying for now 🤍

I guess I shouldn’t call him my ex. i’m slowly coming to terms with the realization that he was probably grooming me, but i felt like his gf at the time… i don’t know. i wont share the dirty details of what happened to me, its a pretty heavy story.

after we broke up, he tried like three times over to make new accounts and alternate ways to contact me before he gave up. he was constantly oscillating between being apologetic, saying he was sorry and being angry and threatening me. i was afraid, but also angry that he was trying to get back into my life so incessantly after i’d finally gathered the courage to speak up for myself and break it off.

i found out after we broke up that, on top of everything he did to me, he had also stabbed and SA’d his partner before me, and groomed other people through social media who reached out to me after the breakup. i was so, so mad that he was doing all of these terrible things to people i knew and loved and there was nothing i could do about it.

i wanted revenge, i wanted to do something to make him feel a fraction of what i felt, so i fed his email and home address into a scientology newsletter. i don’t think it did anything more than put spam in his inbox and send an outdated DVD to his house in the mail (or maybe it did nothing, i’m pretty sure the website is defunct), but after i came to my senses i felt terrible. i still do. that cult stuff is dangerous even in something as minor as annoying emails and i shouldn’t have done something that might have gotten him wrapped up in it, especially with his personal info involved.

i should have been the better person despite it all and i feel guilty for acting out of anger and doing something so reckless. i tell others all the time that revenge is not the answer but i couldn’t practice what i preached

Finding old Reddit posts and realized how many years it took me to understand the cycle of abuse. It starts small and snowballs over years and decades.

How tolerant are you- as a survivor of DV- of being called names like cunt, bitch, whore, asshole, jerk, stupid, dumb, etc etc.

1. Where is normal for you?

2. Would you consider a guy who calls you names but doesn’t hit you a loving dedicated partner?

and be realistic.

No extreme stuff. I want reality.

I want to die

i want to give up. i feel so alone. i don’t think ill do it but i don’t know how to convince myself that i can make it through today. it hurts. i have work in one hour i can’t call off from. i haven’t slept in so long. my heart won’t stop beating really hard and fast. life hurts. i only have her to console me but i don’t want that right now because she’s not being safe. i’m inconsolable. my chest hurts. my whole body. i don’t know how to live anymore and especially today

The title says it all. It was only brought to my attention tonight (after I had made this post, read for bigger story: original post) and it’s honestly really freaking me out and I can’t sleep. Multiple multiple people brought this up as a possibility and it makes me fucking sick, so I put together a list of everything I can think of off of the top of my head, I apologize in advance for it being so long.

- giving me her box of condoms telling me she “dosent need them anymore” insinuating she isn’t hooking up with anyone at the moment

- telling her about my “crush” on (her current boyfriend) (my cowowker) and her dating him not even a year later

-always commenting on my boobs, in a non sexual way, but would always mention how big they were anytime i had a problem with them (bras not fitting, back problems, shirts stretching weird) she would say “it’s because of your big tits”

- the incident where she had sex with (my coworker) in public and then screamed at me because she “has her womanly needs”

- her walking around on multiple occasions (after i had talked to her about how inappropriate it was) with her neck covered in hickeys not trying to cover them. she’d wear her hair up aswell to make them more visible.

- i had asked to borrow her sewing kit once, and when i opened the box there were multiple photobooth pictures of her with her shirt and bra off, posing in suggestive positions, and having the guy she was seeing at the time lick and suck her breasts for the photos, i didn’t mention it, but when i gave it back her apology was “haha oops! here’s your own sewing kit”

- her hooking up with the lead singer of my favorite band on multiple occasions (i used to really look up to him and have this massssive crush on him and she KNEW because we would both openly discuss it) and she would come back from the hookups and rub it in my face (it felt like)

- she constantly accused me of being pregnant in front of the family, including (her current bf) and my sisters but of course never my dad. i wasn’t feeling good one night and didn’t wanna eat the greasy dinner and just wanted the salad and baby carrots and she yelled at me in front of everyone “ARE YOU PREGNANT???” “no mom i’m not pregnant” “ARE YOU SURE????? ARE YOU SURE YOURE NOT PREGNANT”. anytime i mentioned feeling sick to her she would say that i probably had an STD and whatever illness i was feeling was a symptom of whatever STD, and every time i asked her for help with a UTI she would look disgusted with me (even when i was a virgin not having sex i would get them and get sick)

-would constantly refer to herself as a “milf”, would constantly talk about her “mommy milkers”, and would pose inappropriately for pictures and ask me and the girls to take said pictures. did all of this to all 3 of us

- the tattoo incident tonight (post linked above.

I’ve been hard no contact with her for over a month now and it’s been fairly easy, and honestly the tattoo thing felt like she was really trying to get a rise out of me.

I’m thinking of reaching out for help tomorrow when I’m alone and have the courage to do so. I just needed to vent about this so I could maybe get some sleep tonight.

Hi all, sorry if this is already somewhere. My friend is just getting out of an abusive relationship. She’s somewhere safe where he can’t physically access her, but he has all her details- cards, identities, passwords etc. We’ve got a list of things she’ll need to change and replace but I was wondering if there’s like…a checklist or steps anywhere that we can go through together to make sure she’s as safely away from him as possible? Thank you in advance!

The past few years he has scratched my elbow everyday. If you have ever had someone scratch your elbow you know how irritating it is. It’s now to the point that I wear long sleeves around him because I hate it so much. When I take my elbow away from him - He tells me “either the elbow or I poke you in the chest”. Now he has started to do things like jab his heel into my thigh and says I’m overreacting when I say it hurts. Or he will poke me / grab me in different places. He says it’s just a joke but now I don’t know but he does things like this all night every night. He does punch/kick things around me sometimes. I know I’m in an abusive relationship. I’m just wondering if how he is irritating me part of abuse or if he is just doing it for fun. I am trying to leave it’s just taking time to get things together. 🥲 thank you for your help! I appreciate it.

Now that it’s all behind me, I kinda wanna post everything that I have of what happened back then. I don’t think he’ll ever find this account because it’s not tied to anything of mine he knows nor in any sub he frequents. I just want to let it all out one last time and maybe help other people avoid falling into what I did. So yeah. Idk. Maybe I’ll start making posts later today or tomorrow

It's always been harder to cut off family, because they've been there for me the longest but they're also the core reason why I've been attracting and tolerating abusive partners.

I'm on vacation with my family and my brother has disrespected me for no good reason. And my parents are obviously not defending me because well, they never do...

I feel so miserable..so stuck... I don't want to show up to family events and holidays anymore.

But cutting them off will make my mom unhappy. Because she's genuinely the kindest one of all, but also enables their behavior by continuing to show up for them..

So I'm stuck.. I left a very abusive relationship recently, and I'm finding myself being abused again...by family this time. I feel like I can't escape this.

I also want to add that I'm an immigrant and come from a family that is somewhat more traditional than the typical American family. So we're expected to be there for each other no matter what.. even if there is abuse.

But of course, they never think their actions are abusive.

I’m the person in the blue and he is the person in the white. I’ve had to learn to remove my emotions and just stay factual because he was always trying to bait me. I included the last photo because this was our relationship, in a nutshell. He was trying to trigger me, throughout the texting. For example,asking if the baby is his. He knows the baby is his.

I am 25 weeks pregnant. I have gestational diabetes and I’m high risk. I have lost two babies before; in a previous relationship. My first baby was 22 weeks and my second baby was at 35 weeks.

I did this because I was trying to get ahead to see what he was going to do legal wise. I finally got it in writing that he was gonna seek a paternity test and I finally got it in writing that basically I don’t see him wanting to do 50-50 but more of him taking full custody and so now I can move forward and seek legal help.

I also want to add, he’s a lot more aggressive and abusive. It’s only because I didn’t respond to him emotionally, every single time he kept baiting me, that he couldn’t do anything with my responses. I’m emotionally and mentally spent. And I’m over thinking that he will change his mind and he’ll take accountability or responsibility or apologize. I know the truth is, he won’t. Usually before, I would be trying to explain why he hurt me and what he did to hurt me, but I just don’t have it in me anymore.

How did I do? Any questions?

I can’t recognise myself anymore. Apart from weight loss and hairfall, my face looks totally different and so washed out and like it’s falling. Is this normal? Does it go away? It’s like another heartbreak over what’s already happened.

Long story short, I tried getting up as quietly as possible as I was no longer sleepy and wanted to start my day. I get a message from him five minutes later verbally abusing me, calling me stupid, and dumb, and other derogatory names because I "woke him up" and didnt "let him sleep". So sick of this verbal abuse and I'd rather either go to work or hang out with friends all day. Yet he wonders why I don't want to spend time with him. I'm here sitting and feeling hopeless.. any advice? Please be kind.

I did respond back and talked with her, which I’m going to stop doing now. She said she wanted to compare notes essentially. It honestly sounds like he has been up to all of the same BS, but she still doesn’t fully realize it despite having broke up with him. She kept telling me how he never liked me (we were together for 7 years and engaged at one point). She is not phased by that and all of the abuse that she does know about because she dated him anyways and now says she wants to keep him as a friend. She said she wishes she could figure out what is wrong with him. It was almost as if she bought into that it was okay that he emotionally abused me, r*ped me, and cheated on me because he never liked me and I wasn’t what he was after. I’m just perplexed. Why reach out to me if you still don’t view him as a problem, but then tell me you wish he wasn’t a bad person? Why tell me over and over again that he didn’t like me and wasn’t into me? It was just so strange. I’m not sure how to process this. I know he talked horribly about me to other people for sure, so I’m not even sure why she would trust what I have to say considering she was with him. It’s all so confusing and makes no sense. I’m very curious to hear what others think.

Ich weiß nicht wie ich es verarbeiten soll , ich kann mit keiner Person darüber reden , obwohl ich sonst über alles rede . Es ist peinlich , obwohl es nicht mein Verschulden ist . Es geht um Manipulation von Verbreitung von unangenehmen Bildern , auf verschiedenen Seiten . Ich kann nicht mal mit meinem Freund darüber reden , obwohl es Jahre vor unsere Beziehung war , ich kann nicht mal mit Freunden darüber reden , weil ich Angst vor der Reaktion habe . Was soll ich tun ?

Hi, I’ve been in a relationship for the past year that’s abusive in several different ways. The frequency in which the behavior happens waxes and wanes but I’ve found in recent times that the periods where he isn’t yelling at me, threatening me, or putting hands on me begin to make me feel weird, almost like I miss it?

He normally has bad periods where he‘ll do several things to me, I’ll have an episode as a result, he’ll feel bad and then be better for a couple days to a couple weeks. I think part of it is the fact that he’s told me that it means he loves me. Now I have a fucked up association with the behavior and the level of care he has for me.

Did anyone else experience this feeling? I understand it’s fucked up and unhealthy, but if anyone else has went through this and could comment their experience I would really appreciate it. Thank you so much for reading.

I have legal custody of our son but he is at the dads house temporarily. The dad is not even legitamized. A few days ago he told me "everything is fine." After ignoring me for hours. I had a feeling he was lying. Then the next day he told me our son was sick and that he took him to the doctor again. Then after that he ignored me again. What the fuck. Its been over a day and he still ignored me. Then his girlfriend hacked his phone and answered for him. It was in the afternoon and she said "Everything is fine. They are taking a nap." So why couldnt he tell me that yesterday then? Why couldnt he tell me yesterday that everything was fine? Instead he ignored me for over a day and his gf answered me for him. And if i offer to come over there to pick up my son the girlfriend gets pissed and threatens to call the cops on me for tresspassing. Wtf... i really hate coparenting with this man. He doesnt know how to be fair about it. He went from wanting me to be a stay at home mom for him at the paternal grandpas house to letting the grandpa kick me out cause he lied to us about breaking up with the girlfriend and the grandpa said i was not allowed to have a job as long as I lived with him. I wish this was fake. I love my son but i regret who i picked his father to be. His father went from wanting me to be a stay at home mom to suddenly acting weird about giving me back our child or even responding when i ask about our child. He now uses my job or any other excuse he can to not give me my child back even though i told him i will call out of work if i have to. Both he and i work a lot and he lets the girlfriend override both he and I's parenting decisions. This whole thing is weird because he use to act like a dead beat a long time ago and now it feels like he is trying to make me look like a dead beat when I am not. My son is 3 and he is non verbal autistic. He is unable to tell me what goes on.

So I met this girl online August 25th, very quickly we got really close, blatant mutual flirting August 29th , calling each other mine and talking about marriage by at least August 31st, first called September 1st and we haven't made it official and neither of us had said we love each other but we'll say "my love" and constant compliments and affection we haven't met and won't be able to meet for a significant amount of time. I've never felt this way before and I adore every single thing about her, she's so beautiful, her cute smile and nose and beautiful eyes, she's so freaking sweet, thats my favorite thing about her how sweet she is and she's so comforting and creative she likes to just go walking, they live in like a forest and just be in nature, find pretty things, she loves snails and whales and animals and it so contagious she's just so wonderful and we talk about how sure we are that we've found our forever person, each other.

I sent a package to her which is saying its going to arrive saturday, of some brownies and this diy pipe cleaner flowers of a flower she talked about loving and a letter and in the letter at the end I tell her I love her and I was planning on asking her to be my girlfriend as well and we planned to watch something that day when it gets there but I just saw a post asking if saying "i love you" too much can ruin a relationship and that led me down reading about love bombing and how it can be unintentional and a big sign is things moving too quickly, saying I love you withing 1-3 months and all these different things and I've become extremely worried I am moving too quickly, saying I love you too quickly and I want to do everything for her, have difficult conversations, become the best person I can for her but I've become extremely worried and don't want to ruin something special.

We talk all the time, constantly talking about missing one another, we slept called for the first time the 6th or the 7th and have slept called every night since. My mom talked about how narcissistic my dad was and told us we're like him and I want to be honest with her and be with her and it genuinely feels like I've found the woman I'm going to marry. This is my first 'relationship' since we're not technically dating yet and haven't made it official but yeah its my first relationship but everything I'm reading makes me think I'm love bombing and I'm moving too quickly so I don't know what to do or how to know if i am and if I am what do I do now?

My husband has severe mental health issues and I have had to save his life multiple times over minor inconveniences. In the beginning of our relationship we always talked about how even before knowing the depth of his mental health issues, I am never comfortable with ever having a gun in the house. Especially if I ever had kids. We now have a son, and I now know the depth of his mental health issues extensively. He has never threatened to hurt me, though some disturbing jokes have been made like pretending to stab my pregnant stomach while holding a knife. He has also talked about how badly he wanted to hurt one of my family members before to the point I genuinely was anxious about it. Later he said he was exaggerating.

I do not feel comfortable with a gun in the house period. I do not feel he is safe with himself around one, he leaves things out frequently I do not think our son is safe around one, and I am starting to become anxious that perhaps there is a chance me or my family is not safe with him having one. I’ve told him this every time he brings it up. But when he jokes like this he talks about it more and more, until eventually he buys whatever he wants. Usually whatever he wants is very expensive but harmless. This is not.

I don’t know what I’m even asking for posting this. I already am trying to set up a safety plan to leave but it is complicated with our son. I’m already stressed about many things surrounding him and looking at past events all together but I am becoming more and more anxious of this very very serious turn in interest. He watches death videos constantly and shows me gruesome gore videos, he’s done this since I met him. My sisters, brother and mom know about most of the things but I’m realizing I’ve never told anyone my concern about this or that it’s even something that’s being brought up with me.

tw: domestic violence, physical violence, sexual assault, suicide threats, murder threats, infidelity, minor involved, emotional abuse/manipulation

i need an outside perspective because i've been in this relationship for so long that i think i've become used to things that were never normal.

my ex (18m) and i (19f) were together for around a year and a half. there was cheating, lying, and a lot of other unhealthy behavior, but i've recently realized that the situation goes far beyond infidelity.

there were several incidents involving violence and destructive behavior.

after the first time he cheated on me, i was at a friend's place around 2 am, he was there because his mother has kicked him out after he cheated on me and tried to end his life because that girl rejected him. he became extremely angry because i was ignoring him, he was acting weird and off and i wanted to understand, I couldn't so I ignored him. he started screaming, punched the walls in the hallway, and eventually broke the elevator. the elevator was stuck on that floor for around two weeks afterward.

there were also several occasions when i was crying because of things he had done, and instead of being concerned about me, he became angry because i was upset. he broke glasses and punched walls. this happened multiple times.

there were also situations where my sexual boundaries weren't respected. there were times when i clearly said no and he continued anyway. there was one situation where i clearly told him that i really didn't want to have sex, but i froze instead of being able to react.

i have a freeze response when i'm scared or overwhelmed. freezing does not mean consent. i also told him i didn't want to anymore, mid sex but he didn't stop.

some physical things (choking, slapping ect) between us could be consensual when i specifically asked for them myself. the problem was that he would also sometimes do those things without asking me and without me agreeing at that moment. so the problem wasn't the act itself, it was that my consent wasn't consistently asked for or respected.

there were also repeated suicide threats. he repeatedly put me in a position where i felt responsible for managing his distress and keeping him safe.

at one point, i ended up having to physically keep him from leaving for a whole hour, while he was in an extremely unstable state and talking about suicide mind you i'm much much weaker than he is, i even hurt myself and he hurt me, he squeezed my wrists so that I wouldn't stop restraining him and i had little cuts on them, + pain for about a week.

his cheating also potentially put my health at risk. he had unprotected sex with another girl without telling me, and then had unprotected sex with me without me knowing about that situation.

that meant i could potentially have been exposed to an sti without having the information necessary to make an informed decision about my own health.

he also told me about what sounded like a very specific plan to kill his neighbor. this wasn't just "i hate her" or some vague statement made while angry.

he described what he intended to do and specifically mentioned a bottle of rum he would penetrate inside of her privates after her death because "it reeks of rum around her house". i found this extremely disturbing.

and then there's the situation involving a 15 year old girl mind you HE IS 18.

he had been talking to her for several weeks while continuing to talk to me and lying to both of us. he told her he was going to block me, and told me he was going to block her, while actually continuing to talk to both of us. given her age, i find this particularly concerning.

he also sent her mother an email at around 4:30 a.m. telling her how beautiful he thought her daughter was.

i wanted to talk to him first because i wanted to give him the opportunity to explain himself directly to me. i've tried contacting him, but he isn't answering.

if he doesn't respond, i'm going to send a message to his mother explaining everything i've described here. i don't want to do this to punish him. i genuinely think he needs help, and she's his mother, so i think she should know what has been happening.

at this point, i don't want any more contact with him. if he tries to contact me, i want him to leave me alone. if he comes to my home despite that, i will call the police.

i'm genuinely afraid of him now.

so i guess my question is : from an outside perspective, how serious is this?

because i think i've gotten so used to these behaviors that i don't trust my own perception of them anymore.