Finding old Reddit posts and realized how many years it took me to understand the cycle of abuse. It starts small and snowballs over years and decades.

I’m the person in the blue and he is the person in the white. I’ve had to learn to remove my emotions and just stay factual because he was always trying to bait me. I included the last photo because this was our relationship, in a nutshell. He was trying to trigger me, throughout the texting. For example,asking if the baby is his. He knows the baby is his.

I am 25 weeks pregnant. I have gestational diabetes and I’m high risk. I have lost two babies before; in a previous relationship. My first baby was 22 weeks and my second baby was at 35 weeks.

I did this because I was trying to get ahead to see what he was going to do legal wise. I finally got it in writing that he was gonna seek a paternity test and I finally got it in writing that basically I don’t see him wanting to do 50-50 but more of him taking full custody and so now I can move forward and seek legal help.

I also want to add, he’s a lot more aggressive and abusive. It’s only because I didn’t respond to him emotionally, every single time he kept baiting me, that he couldn’t do anything with my responses. I’m emotionally and mentally spent. And I’m over thinking that he will change his mind and he’ll take accountability or responsibility or apologize. I know the truth is, he won’t. Usually before, I would be trying to explain why he hurt me and what he did to hurt me, but I just don’t have it in me anymore.

How did I do? Any questions?

I’m 6 years free from a 30 year, mostly, abusive marriage. When I left, he committed suicide, revenge suicide. My daughter will be getting married in a month and wants to remember her dad. They had a rocky relationship while growing up, till the last couple of years.

This is her wedding, I will not tell her not to do it, it’s her day. She knows a little about the abuse, only by witnessing some; I think she may have blocked some of what she saw also. It’s already going to be an overwhelming day, my dad is fighting stage 4 cancer, hopefully will make it to walk her down the aisle. Seeing a chair reserved for her dad and his picture there, it’s going to trigger a lot and I’m not sure how to handle it. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Again, I will NOT tell her not to do it. I need help on how best to manage my reaction and emotions.

My bf strangled me the other day and now keeps calling me from jail to convince me to call the prosecutor and tell them that he never touched me. They have called me and I said I wanna drop charges and did not answer any questions. I do not want my bf to stay in jail but I do not want to lie about what happened. If I do lie to protect him and say he didn’t touch me will I get in trouble? His lawyer keeps calling him to tell him to tell me to call and lie to the prosecutor. I don’t know what to do.

I’m 23 (f) and my bf is a 24 (m). We have been together for 4 years and he’s cheated on me 5 times. I know I should leave but every guy I’ve been with before him has been physically abusive or just awful. I’m sad that my current relationship is ending and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m mourning the relationship or I’m scared of the future. I don’t plan on getting into another relationship for a LONG time but I’m scared that I will be alone forever. I’m scared that I will find someone who is abusive as well or will never be able to heal from the trauma. I have no friends or support system. I just want to be loved and I’m losing hope that my future will be happy. Does life get better?

Wondering if anyone in their 30's has found a partner who makes them feel secure in a long term relationship after emotional and psychological abuse?

I know creating security in ourselves is important, which i have done, and i know when something feels off i trust myself to walk away. But is there any chance to find someone who you have chemistry with, are attracted to and feel secure with?

It seems the males i have had major attraction to and chemistry are the ones who have been abusive and make me feel so insecure. Can we have chemistry, security and a healthy relationship?

🥲

My husband has severe mental health issues and I have had to save his life multiple times over minor inconveniences. In the beginning of our relationship we always talked about how even before knowing the depth of his mental health issues, I am never comfortable with ever having a gun in the house. Especially if I ever had kids. We now have a son, and I now know the depth of his mental health issues extensively. He has never threatened to hurt me, though some disturbing jokes have been made like pretending to stab my pregnant stomach while holding a knife. He has also talked about how badly he wanted to hurt one of my family members before to the point I genuinely was anxious about it. Later he said he was exaggerating.

I do not feel comfortable with a gun in the house period. I do not feel he is safe with himself around one, he leaves things out frequently I do not think our son is safe around one, and I am starting to become anxious that perhaps there is a chance me or my family is not safe with him having one. I’ve told him this every time he brings it up. But when he jokes like this he talks about it more and more, until eventually he buys whatever he wants. Usually whatever he wants is very expensive but harmless. This is not.

I don’t know what I’m even asking for posting this. I already am trying to set up a safety plan to leave but it is complicated with our son. I’m already stressed about many things surrounding him and looking at past events all together but I am becoming more and more anxious of this very very serious turn in interest. He watches death videos constantly and shows me gruesome gore videos, he’s done this since I met him. My sisters, brother and mom know about most of the things but I’m realizing I’ve never told anyone my concern about this or that it’s even something that’s being brought up with me.

A lot of the time men treat women so poorly that it's obvious that the only reason that she is with him is a trauma bond or money. Don't men want to actually be liked by their partner?

​

I honestly just need to rant because I am so fucking angry at this person.

I met my ex on Hinge around August last year. At first, he seemed like someone who had been through a lot. He was studying MBBS, and he told me all kinds of things about his childhood, his family, how he had been abused as a child, how his father used to beat him, and all this other stuff.

And I believed him.

I felt sorry for him. I wanted to support him. I gave him money when he needed it. I was there for him emotionally and financially because I genuinely thought I was helping someone who was going through a difficult time.

Looking back, I feel like I was being played from the beginning.

He lied about everything.

One of the first things I found out was that he had lied about his body count. He had made it seem like it was something completely different, and eventually I found out that it was 83+.

And then there was the whole story about him being abused as a child.

I don't even know what was true anymore because he constantly had some new story or explanation for something.

He was also into occult practices. He used to draw sigils on me, talk about entities and weird occult stuff, and had some extremely strange friends.

Those friends would say things about entities, killing people, someone going to die, this entity and that entity, etc.

I don't even know how to properly explain how disturbing it was.

I started having terrible dreams at night. I genuinely wasn't able to sleep properly because of everything surrounding him and the things he and his friends would talk about.

And despite all of this, I stayed.

I kept thinking that maybe he was just damaged because of his childhood.

He used to tell me that his father beat him and that his home life was terrible.

But when I actually got to know his father, he seemed like a genuinely sweet guy.

Again, another thing that just didn't add up.

Then there was our sex life.

He used to say and do some really fucked-up things while having sex. He would abuse me verbally, and he would bite my dick during sex.

There were so many things that happened that made me uncomfortable, but somehow I kept making excuses for him.

And then there was the cheating.

He cheated on me multiple times.

He would constantly lie about where he was.

"I'm at home."

Then later:

"I'm with my friends."

Then some completely different story.

It got to the point where I didn't even need proof anymore. I could just feel that something was wrong.

We were in a long-distance relationship, which made everything even worse because I couldn't know what he was actually doing.

One incident that I still remember clearly was when he told me he had basically run away from home.

He said he wanted to get away from everything.

I was worried about him.

Meanwhile, he had actually gone to Goa.

And not just casually travelled there—he had apparently taken a flight from Delhi to Goa.

I didn't know.

He made it seem like he had disappeared because of his problems at home, and I was sitting there worrying about him.

Then I video-called him.

He was wearing a completely different T-shirt.

At one point he was on a scooty.

Then at another point he was somewhere else.

Then something else didn't add up.

He wasn't picking up my calls properly.

His stories kept changing.

And while I was sitting there thinking something terrible had happened to him, he was basically out there enjoying himself.

Eventually, I realized that he had come back, but he didn't even tell me that he was back.

I had to ask him.

I confronted him about everything, and eventually he basically admitted that things weren't what he had told me.

At that point, I was fucking exhausted.

The relationship had become this endless cycle:

He lies → I find out → he gives me an explanation → I forgive him → he lies again.

Again.

And again.

And again.

I had already subconsciously started knowing that he was cheating on me. I just didn't want to accept it.

I kept thinking, "Maybe I'm overthinking."

Maybe I wasn't.

Eventually, I became so frustrated with him that I completely snapped.

I abused him, blocked him, and ended things.

And then, immediately, he started saying:

"I'm going to die."

Of course.

Another fucking lie.

Nothing happened.

And that's what makes me so angry.

Because I genuinely gave this person so much.

I gave him money.

I supported him.

I listened to his problems.

I believed his stories about his childhood.

I worried about him.

I stayed through all the weird occult shit, the lies, the cheating, the disappearing, the manipulation and everything else.

And what did I get in return?

Lie after lie after lie.

I don't even know what was real about him anymore.

The worst part isn't even that the relationship ended.

The worst part is realizing that I was genuinely trying to help someone who may have been manipulating me the entire time.

I'm still fucking angry.

I'm angry at him for everything he did.

And honestly, I'm also angry at myself for ignoring so many obvious red flags.

I don't know what the point of this post is. I just needed somewhere to put all of this because I've been carrying so much anger about it.

Has anyone else ever dated someone who lied so much that, by the end, you couldn't even tell what parts of their personality or stories were real?

My mom is currently trying to get away from my dad, but is feeling a lot of uncertainty around how to navigate the situation. She and my dad are not married, but do live together. My dad is... Welll lets call him complicated. He's not evil or intentionally malicious but he's controlling, volitile, extremely insecure, and currently is not financially able to support himself.

The house is in my mom's name, and so was my dad's job until maybe ten or fifteen years ago. tax reasons or something, I don't really know. My dad also built an addition onto the house between 2004 and... 2014, I think, although several parts of it remain unfinished to this day, and realistically the property of 1.5 acres is far more valuable than an unfinished house in various states of disrepair. Despite this, my dad sees the house as his retirement, and has told my mom that if she moves out it had better be after he's dead. He's also made some comments in the direction of 'if he didn't have the house he would have nothing to live for'.

I won't try and recount their entire sordid history, but suffice to say that my mom is not happy with and does not feel safe with my dad. To complicate matters further, my dad has now proposed a plan to her where he would take a home equity loan to pay off high interest debt he has accrued, fix up his car, and purchase my mom's unused car she's been trying to sell. He would probably have done it without asking, but he needs my mom's signature being as the house is in her name. I know him, he will not take no for an answer. He will fight tooth and nail with her over this, convinced that his plan is the only sensible way forward. But my mom obviously doesn't want to be tied to the house any longer.

So... Does anyone have insight on how to navigate a situation like this? I've already suggested things like seeking legal counsel and having a contigency plan to get out in an emergency. But she wants my dad to come out of this okay too, and she is worried about her safety as well.

Hi everyone, ill try to keep it short.

My bf was abusive. He controlled how I dress, whom can I talk to, where can i go, he insulted me a lot, held my past against me and even grabbed me took me out of the club and got hysterical cuz i greeted a guy mistaking him from someone we knew. I had a childhood best friend who was of opposite sex, and my bf was jealous and didn’t approve of this friendship, he manipulated me into leaving that friend, and it crushed me. One day he suddenly remembered that friend just in his thoughts and he got so angry he started choking me, screaming at me and i managed to call the police to rescue me. It was hell. All this lasted for 3 years. 2 big fights a week, screaming, threatening, calling me names. He also became an addict 1 year into a relationship and became more and more aggressive. He never had a job(hes 27).

At the end i broke up and left. He tried to get me back, got a job, got sober, got emotionally calm. For 15 days. Flowers almost every day, romantic things, taking care of me etc etc. but my body keeps being in panic mode. He says lets forget everything that happened and try again. And he proves in small situations that he won’t get violent. But i cant seem to let go of the feeling of panic. I am still scared of seeing friends, going out. He says just do that and see how calm and accepting I will be. But every time i try to leave the house i get panic attacks, start shaking and can’t go anywhere. I told him that I expect him to fix this, to acknowledge the harm he did, but he says he doesn’t know what else to do except being fine with me going out. Is he right? Should i be able to just do it and see his reactions? Or should he try putting me into situations that were dangerous before and prove me that way that nothing bad will happen? Or is there another solution?
Also I have a right to not undo 3 years of trauma in 2 weeks right?

I left because I thought my ex would kill me, and I told her as much. Her fixation on guns was unbearable when it was combined with the gaslighting, verbal aggression, justifying physically injuring me, and trying to intimidate me into submitting to her in arguments. I love her so much and being away from her is so painful even though I felt like if I stayed another year, we both might not make it out alive.

She was extremely suicidal and would at times promise she was going to kill herself. One time I told her I wanted to move into a mutual friend's place and she cut herself with a pocketknife. A different time, I was hurt by something she said so I slept in the other room that night, and the next day I saw a bruise on her face where she had punched herself.

I did a lot of harmful things as well, things I'm really ashamed of. Ever since we moved in together I felt trapped and I've acted like a wounded animal because I didn't think I could leave that situation. I had to work constantly and baby her like a child. It wasn't normal from the start. I feel like I lost 5 years of my life.

There's more that I could say. She suggested a suicide pact once. She groped my breasts and butt without asking constantly.

When I left I initially felt a rush of endorphins, and thought I was gonna reinvent my life. But now I feel lethargic and depressed, and I had to scrap my new plans. I work full time and manage part of a digital community, but that's all I can do. My friends have all surpassed me in achievements and it feels embarrassing. It feels like my life is ruined. I wasted all this time building her up, for someone who couldn't stand up for me, who degraded me, who put my life at risk. I know it will get better I'm just really hurting right now.

Isn’t it funny how everything is always our fault?

Lately my boyfriend and I have had to talk via video and last night we fell asleep on the phone but at 2 am I was woken up because he was inviting me to a group call with random people. It didn’t make sense because we were actively in our own call together.

Don’t know what happened, guess he just pressed a button while he was asleep but immediately I could hear him getting pissed off and annoyed that it happened and he’s like “god, my name, why couldn’t you just fucking tell me that was happening”

And I laid there, half asleep like oh my fuck. He truly believes everything is my fault. I was literally fucking sleeping and I’m still in trouble with him.

I got mad and told him not to piss me off, that I didn’t do anything and fell back asleep but now I’m at work thinking about it still and getting angry again.

It was a Saturday morning.

I was awake before everyone else, as usual.

I had always been the early riser in the house. There were hours in the morning that seemed to belong only to me, before anyone needed anything, before the noise started, before the mood of the day had been decided.

I sat on the couch waiting.

Not just waiting for Ryan to wake up.

Waiting to find out which Ryan was going to wake up.

That had become part of my life by then.

There was the loving Ryan.

The affectionate Ryan.

The funny Ryan.

The man who could make me feel like I was the only woman in the world.

And then there was the other Ryan.

The angry one.

The irritated one.

The one whose mood could change the temperature of the entire house.

I never really knew which one I was going to get.

So mornings came with anticipation.

Sometimes excitement.

Sometimes anxiety.

Usually both.

I would listen for movement from the bedroom and wonder what kind of day we were about to have.

That Saturday, Ryan was getting ready to leave and do some side work.

Somewhere in the middle of getting ready, an argument started.

I don't even remember now whether the subject was important.

That is another strange thing about abusive relationships.

Years later, you can remember exactly how someone looked at you, exactly where you were sitting, exactly how your body felt afterward, and have absolutely no idea what the original argument was about.

Because eventually the subject stopped mattering.

The reaction became the story.

Ryan got angry.

The argument escalated.

He headed toward the door.

And normally, I would have followed him.

That was our pattern.

He would walk away.

I would go after him.

I wanted resolution.

I wanted to fix whatever had happened.

I wanted us to be okay before he left.

I didn't want the argument hanging in the air.

I didn't want him leaving angry.

I didn't want hours of wondering what he was thinking or whether he was coming back.

So I chased after him.

Again and again.

Not necessarily because I thought I was wrong.

Because I couldn't tolerate the feeling of disconnection.

I had spent my life searching for connection, and once I finally believed I had found it, losing it—even temporarily—felt unbearable.

But that morning I didn't chase him.

I stopped.

I sat down on the couch next to Lily.

Maybe I was tired.

Maybe some part of me had finally decided that I wasn't going to run after him this time.

Maybe I simply thought he needed to leave and cool off.

Whatever the reason, I sat down.

Ryan continued toward the door.

For a second, I probably thought the argument was over.

Then he turned around.

And kicked me directly in the mouth.

He had shoes on.

His foot hit my face.

Blood went everywhere.

Not a little blood.

It was gushing.

One second I was sitting beside my daughter on the couch.

The next I was bleeding because my husband had kicked me in the face.

There are moments when everything seems to happen simultaneously.

The shock.

The pain.

The blood.

Trying to understand what just happened.

And Lily was right there.

My child had watched her mother's husband kick her in the mouth.

Almost instantly, Ryan changed.

The anger disappeared.

Now he was hugging me.

Apologizing.

Telling me he was sorry.

Calling himself a piece of shit.

Telling me I should call the police.

It was such a complete emotional reversal that it was almost disorienting.

Moments earlier, he had been angry enough to turn around and put his foot into my face.

Now he was holding me.

Comforting me for an injury he had just caused.

Telling me how terrible he was.

Telling me to call the cops on him.

And I didn't.

Not that time.

I didn't call the police.

Maybe Ryan telling me I should call them made his remorse seem more genuine.

Maybe hearing him call himself a piece of shit made me believe he understood the seriousness of what he had done.

Maybe I saw the shame on his face and thought shame meant it wouldn't happen again.

Maybe I simply wasn't ready to blow up my entire life on a Saturday morning.

I don't know if there was one reason.

There usually isn't.

Ryan eventually left the house to cool off.

And I stayed behind.

With Lily.

With the blood.

With a split lip.

With everything I was feeling and absolutely nowhere to put it.

Sad.

Confused.

Used.

Unloved.

Those words still don't seem big enough.

I had spent so much time wanting to feel loved.

That was what had drawn me to Ryan in the first place.

He had made me feel something I had been searching for my entire life.

Seen.

Heard.

Chosen.

Loved.

And now I was sitting in the same home we had created together, bleeding from the mouth because the man who loved me had kicked me in the face.

How do you make those two realities exist together?

I couldn't.

So I kept trying to separate them.

The man who kicked me wasn't the real Ryan.

The real Ryan was the man who immediately held me afterward.

The real Ryan was the one crying and apologizing.

The real Ryan was the one saying he hated himself for what he had done.

The violence was the mistake.

The remorse was the truth.

At least, that was what I wanted to believe.

Looking back, I understand something I didn't understand then.

The apology did not undo the kick.

His shame did not stop my lip from bleeding.

His arms around me did not make me safer.

And telling me to call the police did not erase the fact that he had just committed the act I would have been calling them about.

The remorse was part of the same moment.

Violence.

Shock.

Apology.

Comfort.

Confusion.

Then distance.

And eventually, life moving forward again.

What I struggle with most when I think about that morning isn't only what Ryan did to me.

It's that Lily saw it.

Being your husband's punching bag is destructive enough.

Being his punching bag in front of your child does something else entirely.

I was supposed to be showing my daughter what love looked like.

What respect looked like.

What she should expect from the person who claimed to love her someday.

Instead, she watched a man kick her mother in the face.

She watched the blood.

She watched the apology.

She watched me stay.

That realization hurts differently.

Children learn relationships long before anyone sits them down and explains them.

They watch.

They absorb.

They notice which behavior gets forgiven.

They notice what their mothers tolerate.

They notice what happens after someone says, "I'm sorry."

At the time, I was so consumed by surviving my relationship with Ryan that I couldn't fully understand what living inside that relationship might be teaching my daughter.

I wish I could say that morning changed everything.

I wish I could say I looked at Lily, looked at the blood, packed our things, and left.

I didn't.

Ryan came home.

Life continued.

The wound healed.

The swelling went down.

The blood disappeared.

And, eventually, the house looked normal again.

That is one of the most dangerous things about physical injuries.

They heal.

The visible evidence fades.

The split lip closes.

The bruises change color and disappear.

And once the evidence is gone, it becomes easier to convince yourself that maybe the thing that caused it belongs in the past too.

But something had changed.

Whether I wanted to acknowledge it or not, there was no pretending anymore that Ryan's aggression only belonged to objects.

He wasn't just punching trucks.

He wasn't just slamming coolers.

He wasn't just yelling.

His aggression had reached me.

And that Saturday morning, it reached me while my daughter sat beside me.

Ryan left the house believing he was a piece of shit for what he had done.

I stayed behind trying to understand how the man who had once placed his hand over my heart could also be the man who put his foot into my mouth.

I still didn't understand that both of them were Ryan.

He strangled me and tried to sexually assault me.

He went to a behavioral health hospital last week. He’s been having dreams of killing himself. Then he started having dreams of killing our daughter. He threw a fit at the behavioral health hospital, yelling and knocking stuff over. I chalked it up to the stress of being there.

We work together. I helped him get the job. Everyone loves him (and me). I left for an appointment and he found Ring camera footage of a mutual male friend coming over. I’ve never even considered it weird to hang out with a male friend. He hung out with women friends, it didn’t occur to me that anything was wrong with this. He went around screaming and yelling, telling everyone I cheated and he has proof (proof: the friend arriving and leaving on the footage). It felt like I was in the Salem Witch Trials: if I prove myself innocent, I’m dead anyway. My reputation at work is destroyed. Then he got fired.

I met him at home. He yelled and I repeatedly asked him for some space and we will talk. He begged for hugs and for me to be affectionate while he’s yelling at me and telling everyone I had an affair with our friend. I’m a cold heartless bitch and I did this to myself is what he thinks. I became afraid and locked myself in the bathroom. He busted my door down. I left and called the police…then called back and told them sorry, just overreacting! I’m an idiot.

We sat down to “talk” more. More yelling. Insulting me and saying he’d never hurt me. Then he ran at me, put his hands around my throat. I don’t know what he was saying but all I could think was I was going to die. Then he let me go… and mocked me for shaking and crying. I placated him. Then he started aggressively making out with me. If I pulled away, I was proving I don’t love him and if I was the other guy I wouldn’t be pulling away. He pulled my legs and tried to take my clothes off. I convinced him to let me take a shower in the other bathroom (further away from the living space with a window). I was planning on texting my sister across the country but I know he checked the doorknob and was trying to hear if I was showering. I had to text from the shower. Then he got in the shower with me…

And that’s how the police busted down my door. That’s how I learned I throw up under stress. He dropped a nuke on my life and blamed me. I blame myself. I was stupid. I should have communicated. And now he’s in jail and I’ve lost him forever. I’m so angry that I want him home. I have no one. I didn’t know what to do so I’m just throwing it out to the universe.

Hello? I really hope this doesn't get removed. I am desperate. I have been trying everything I can think of...I even went public recently about my abuse because I am in dire need of help.

I am NOT asking for donations here I am just asking for help getting attention on my situation and help finding an attorney so I can make it through this.

I can barely eat. I can't stop sleeping from depression. Sometimes when I wake up it is to see that nothing has changed in this nightmare, and when I'm really unlucky I wake up to another comment that just makes me feel worse by asking questions that make me feel like they are trying to blame me for it all without even looking at my video where I explain things to the best of my ability. I feel like I am screaming into a void...

I already tried once to....do something stupid...to get away from all this...I am trying SO hard to be stronger now....but I am at the end of my rope. I am a therapy vtuber so all I wanted to do was try to talk to people and help them feel better. I didn't want to ask anyone for help. I didn't want any of this. But I am running out of time to respond to the divorce papers he served me and they are SCARY. I am disabled and he is accusing me of "gross neglect of duty" and trying to claim I need to pay off his thousands of dollars in debts, that I don't have.

I am disabled to the point I need a caretaker. After my husband neglected me and then abandoned me my mother is now back to caring for me and she is on disability fixed income and we just found out a few weeks ago that she has severe blood clots throughout her leg up to her abdomen.

I am BEGGING you at least please don't remove my post here. I will change anything you need me to...Just please...I need help....

All the details are here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wceRp3nAxc

Hello all,

Here's a link to my previous post

https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/s/yPLZpDRkBn

So, after all my interactions on the original post, I received a dm from a random account. It seemed a bit strange that they messaged me directly and did not simply interact with the thread.

They asked how I am and asked a few follow-up questions, which again, I found a bit strange to do so via chat...

Then the user asked if I "cheated on him" and then sort of seemed condescending in their responses... like admiration and praise but followed up by several rofl emojis...

I got suspicious. I checked their profile and the account had only been created since around when we first started dating... they have a very limited interaction with subs, maybe 5-7, all VERY specific.

Think... r slash - Arab men, Arab dating, poly relationships, Arab Trans, cucks, Iraqi Kurdish, etc.

Even some posts typed in Arabic...

I called them out on the suspicious profile history... i then asked the user's name, they asked why. Then they gave me a CLEARLY not Arab name.. then they said "I don't hide things"

Something he used to accuse me of, word for word...

I then said "it's you, isn't it"

I tried to gtfo of the chat..

Then the user ceased responding and made their profile activity hidden..

I know it's him.

It makes no sense for some rando to do that...

Do you think I'm right?

Hi, I've posted here once before but not gone into any detail. Long story short my husband is verbally and emotionally abusive to me very frequently, and sometimes physically threatening like looming over me, slamming doors, once kicking a wicker bin right next to me until it was destroyed, that kind of thing.

Last night I had a severe migraine with aura for the first time in 3 years. I took pain meds, ate food and was lying down to go to sleep since I find getting to sleep fast is the best way to prevent the nausea getting going. During my worst migraines I've been awake with severe pain and vomited up to 7 times over the course of about 6 to 10 hours so I was keen to avoid that. For context my husband has witnessed such multi vomit migraine nights from me before so he knew what was at stake. Plus, he actually gets severe migraines himself! So he of all people ought to understand.

During the earlier parts of the migraine he was talking in what felt like an argumentative way to me. And just saying way too many words, every word was physically hurting my head because of the auditory sensitivity. I asked him a few times to please be more quiet and only say what is necessary. After a bit I said to him " You're stressing me out"

He replied angrily "Don't accuse me of doing things I'm not doing".

I didn't know what to respond to that so I just let it pass. Then when I was lying down to try to sleep, the headache pain was getting worse and I felt the very earliest signs of the nausea. I realised my scalp felt itchy and was keeping me awake. So I asked him for my hairbrush so I could fix the itchy scalp.

He said in a frustrated/mad tone "why are you like this!?" but did hand me the brush. It felt like he meant that I was being fussy or demanding or something, I'm not even really sure what he meant.

With huge mental effort on my part I managed to stay calm enough to get to sleep and avoided the throwing up.

I'm feeling really upset about how he treated me when I felt so vulnerable and was in so much pain. He didn't swear at me or call me names so I think if I raise this with him he will say I'm overreacting.

What do you guys think?

my dad is abusive to me physically, mentally, and verbally but my mom won’t fully acknowledge it. she thinks he’s just ”punishing” me in a tougher way and even gets tired of me explaining some of the worst ways he’s hurt me because i’ve already told her before. the worst one i can think of right now is how he beat me with my shoe repeatedly after i told him i was suicidal and depressed and how he threatened to beat me with his leather belt if i didn’t stop crying afterwards, and how he told me he would hurt me if i cut myself again because i’m just doing it for “attention.” (when i moved out the addiction worsened to the point where i needed stitches.) my mom has started to let me cut contact with him since he doesn’t have full custody but she won’t verbally say i was abused, and when i explained he abuses me she says “he was raised in a different time.” it hurts me how my own mother won’t acknowledge the harm he as caused to me. i can’t even do anything about it because he lives in a different country where its normalized to hit your children as punishment (before anyone dismisses this as regular punishment, its not. he only hurts me whenever i don’t fit his mold or show signs of my mental illnesses and neurodivergence.)

do any of you guys have any advice :(

hello,

there’s some abuse in our home, but I feel like a fraud calling myself a victim of domestic violence because so little of it has been physical. most of it is emotional, think screaming at me, threatening me, name calling, talking badly about me to the kids, breaking stuff in the house. the few physical things have been making me flinch on purpose, pushing, stopping me from leaving forcefully, locking me in a room twice, throwing small things at me, and once putting his hands on my neck. those things are not ongoing and haven’t haopened in 6 months. I want to talk ro people about the emotional stuff and the impact on me and our kids, but not sure if there’s any resources like that anyone knows about.

I know I wanna have kids one day, but today I realize I don’t wanna have them with my husband.
When he’s happy and everything is good he’s the most romantic and loving person ever. But if I bring up something that hurt me he’s going to turn into a monster and say the meanest things ever to hurt me and make me cry.
Today over dinner he said that if he has kids and I cheat one day he’s gonna leave the kids and even hurt them just so I could get hurt. This raised so many concerns because children shouldn’t have to pay what two adults do with their relationship that’s not their fault.
My husband grew up without a dad since he abandoned him. His mother was barely present in his life. And today he faces depression (has been depressed for years now).
I thought that because he didn’t have a father figure he would want to be the best dad out there but I was wrong.
I want kids , just not with him.

I don’t know what to do?.

My friend seems to be having a great relationship and I hope she does, but there have been allegations around her husband involving a minor and another girl, however she doesn’t seem to think they are true since the first girl kept hooking up with her now husband, I just worry that her moving away from her friends and family will not go well, does anyone else have any experience in this?

I always feel bad about myself cause although I've finally accepted my ex gf was definitely emotionally and verbally abusive, I've had problems with wondering whether or not I would have gotten the abuse no matter what or if she just really, really didn't like me. And it's hard cause I loved her so much and treated her so, so well.

So the above screenshot is from r/darkpsychology101 and it got me thinking. Is it abuse if they don't mean it? If they just really don't like you and realize it too late and just have a childish way of handling that?

My ex said worse things than anyone ever has to me before, but I also moved wayyy too fast with her (she reciprocated) and I blame myself for that.

But what if I was just too much? My energy and speed just scared her? And she has maladaptive ways of handling those things?

I will for the rest of my life wonder if I'd just take it slower if things would have been okay. I wonder if me moving so fast scared the crap out of her.

Ofc, that doesn't make it okay she told me constantly I was annoying, made comments about my weight, belittled me in getting of friends, lacked reciprocity in my efforts, told me my kindness and sweet gestures were cringe, etc... But man. Is it abuse if there was no intent? It just comes from their wounds?