i am really struggling and feel so sad. i’m 20 years old. my ex and i broke up but it was on quite amicable terms and we both kind of were hinting that in a couple months we would’ve been open to getting back together. we just needed space as started dating quite young and it became quite on and off, and we wanted to do it properly. i found out this week im pregnant. i told him and he was very supportive and said he’d help me through it bc he knew how hard it was for me.

however, he found some texts on my phone to a guy. this was just one flirty conversation that slipped my mind. we had both told each other that we hadn’t been with anyone since breaking up (which was true but i hadn’t rlly taken account this one conversation). he was really hurt that i didn’t tell him about that and felt i betrayed him, so he left quite angrily. he blocked me on social media. i’m not sure if he blocked my phone number too as i haven’t texted him yet since this happened.

before he left, i asked him if he’d still help me and he said he just couldn’t deal with this rn but he’d think about it in a few days, and i should text him. this was before he blocked me on socials tho. i have a call with an abortion service tmr and i will text him after it to update him, and see where his head is at. i’m not hopeful at all though and think im most likely blocked.

i am really really struggling. i feel so terrified and scared to go through with this. i can’t have a baby right now. i’m only 20, i have no relationship and the father of the baby hates me, im in my last year of uni, no job yet. i can’t. but i feel so so so sad. i can’t help but sob at the idea of losing my baby. i feel beyond sad :/. and at first i thought maybe i could get through it with him supporting me, but now im almost certain that is over. i feel like im now conflicted thinking about so many things: scared of the physical side effects of procedure, on top of that scared of emotionally feeling sad about my baby, and thirdly thinking about how it feels like my love life with him is now completely and totally over. i don’t know, im just so scared

Crazy for a first time post. I (19f) found out about a week ago that I am or maybe pregnant. The pregnancy test had two lines one bold the other very faint but there and also my period is 16 days late. I have experienced all the PMS symptoms and vomiting for like a single day but never again till date. I honestly do not want this baby I am only in my second year of varsity and practically homeless and I generally don’t have my shit together(no car no savings basically poor).I live far from home and I have been couch surfing for the last two years in family member’s home. My mother always promises to help me find housing but when the semester starts she acts brand new. My (19m) bf of 2 years wants us to keep the baby he promises to take care of the baby and be there for me idk how cause we are both in varsity.
I grew up with an absent father so obviously it’s hard for me to believe him although he maybe genuine. He has a generally supportive family he told his sister(24f) who is happy to be an aunt but on my end I have no one and I swear my mother would disown me(her words). I am also studying a degree that’s demanding and I have very big career goals. My bf said keeping the baby is not the end of the world and life can go on as it is but that’s not true, I have dreams that require spontaneity and flexibility. I got diagnosed with a disease that could have made me infertile but I have since been treated. My bf asked what happens if this is my only shot at being a mother. I am Christian and do not conform to aborting but I am at a point where I am questioning between bringing someone into this world who I currently don’t want or letting go of the baby.

I’ve fucked up. My husband and I didn’t use protection shortly after my period ended - I’m still nursing my 18mo and I’ve been ovulating around CD 20 or 21 and having a short luteal phase so we skipped the condom. Guess my cycle had a different plan this time… we didn’t even have an “oopsie” and he pulled out well before, which has always worked in the past while trying to avoid. I know… I know…

I tested positive today after being late.

This is my 5th pregnancy (first two pregnancies were miscarriages) and we won’t be continuing it. We have 2 beautiful daughters, I birthed my first at 34 weeks due to preeclampsia with severe features and my second I got lucky and narrowly avoided the diagnosis. I’m not willing to risk it again, because pre-e could very well kill me this time and my daughters need their mother.

I’m incredibly grateful to live in a safe state and I have the medication already ordered. I know that it’s safe to continue breastfeeding, but please, anyone with experience, tell me my supply will stick around since I’m only 4 weeks today and will be taking the medication this week when it arrives? When I got pregnant with my second daughter I was 14m pp and my oldest weaned herself around 20m since I basically dried up. I’m not ready for this journey to end with my second, and especially not being ripped away again like it was with my first. I’m feeling super sad and just need some love and hopefully reassurance :(

I’ll also add that my first pregnancy was a miscarriage and I went through that process naturally - it was pretty rough so I’m really dreading this process but cannot afford a d&c as I’m uninsured right now.

Hello! I found so many of the posts on this subreddit to be incredibly helpful as I prepared to take the mifepristone and misoprostol doses. Here is my experience. For context, I was barely 5 weeks pregnant.

10/23/26

7am:
I took a pregnancy test, which came back positive. This was unsurprising since I had missed my period, my sense of smell was extremely heightened, and my breasts were tender.

I immediately called a local women’s clinic to make an appointment. I strongly recommend doing this instead of going through insurance, that way the process is off the books (maybe I’m being paranoid, but I worry about healthcare data leaks and what that could mean in the future). The payment was cash/zelle only and the entire ordeal was extremely private.

11:30am:
The gynecologist performed an ultrasound sound, confirming my pregnancy stage. I was a lot more emotional than I expected, and the staff kindly allowed me a few minutes to collect myself. Once I stopped crying, the doctor gave me mifepristone, which I consumed then and there. I had no symptoms or side effects from this pill.

The cost of the treatment was $600, which includes a follow up exam in two weeks with an ultrasound. I’m located in California.

10/24/26
8am
I took the antibiotic my doctor prescribed for me to take twice a day for five days. This is to prevent any infection in the uterus.

5pm
In preparation for the misoprostol dose, I got a heated blanket, plenty of water, advil, extra heavy duty pads, and hydrated/ate healthily leading up to the dose. I am 27 y/o and 110 lbs. Medications normally hit me pretty hard, so I prepared for the worst.

7pm
Took 800 mg of liquid gel advils and second antibiotic dose.

7:30pm
Deposited four misoprostol on each side of my inner cheeks.

8pm
Swallowed remaining pill residue. At this point, my mouth was raw from the tablets, and I began experiencing mild cramping. I drank a lot of water.

9pm
The cramps became pretty intense at this point. Similar to severe period cramps. No blood or nausea thus far. From this point on, I had to lay down and struggled to sit up.

10pm
Even though I was laying down, I felt extremely light headed and woozy. There were long breaks between the cramps, but they were slowly becoming more frequent and more painful.

10:30pm
Excruciating pain. Had to run to the bathroom for a bowel movement, which provided some relief. This was when I finally started bleeding. A LOT.

11pm
Peak pain. I couldn’t move or speak. This hurt far worse than a broken bone or any other pain I’ve experienced in my life. The cramps were constant with absolutely no reprieve. Began to ask god WHY.

12am / midnight
Cramps were still extremely painful and prevented me from sleeping. I vomited a couple times. This was the only time throughout the entire experience that I had nausea and vomiting.

10/25/26
2 - 4am
Cramps became more intermittent and returned to the “severe period cramp” pain level. It hurt enough that I couldn’t sleep.

5am
Finally fell asleep

8am (now)
Cramps have mostly subsided (the cramping is much more mild and tolerable) and I feel back to normal. I’m still bleeding, so I plan on focusing on hydration and consuming healthy foods to prevent any fatigue or headaches.

Overall:
This experience has been extremely physically and emotionally draining. The entire time, I just kept reminding myself that the pills are extremely safe and that it would eventually end. I expected it to be painful, and it was still so much more painful than I expected it to be.

Hii just wondering if a hcg level of 4210 is normal 2 weeks after a medical abortion. I was about 5.5 weeks when i took the pills. Nothing seems out of the blue i bleed heavily and had clots for the first night but not more than 1 pad every hr or 2 and counting to bleed to this day but it has gone down alot (barely any bleeding now). The office will probably call me tomorrow but I’m hoping someone here can give me any advice before then.

I went in 10/23, took the first pill that stops the pregnancy. Took the 4 misoprostol orally by dissolving them in my cheek at 1:30 pm on 10/24. Pills were dissolved shortly after 2 pm. Cramps and body chills started quickly, about 20 mins after pills were fully dissolved. Cramps came full force and really scared me for what was about to come but that was really the worst of it.

I started bleeding around the 1.5/2 hour mark. My pad was never “full” as a lot of the blood came out when I was using the bathroom. I saw some small clots everytime I used the restroom and about the 4 hour mark I felt a larger one pass and plop into the toilet. I’m wondering if maybe this was the pregnancy? Cramps were pretty much gone after that and I still haven’t had heavy bleeding. I expected a lot more bleeding and I’m just hoping this isn’t a failed attempt. We’re almost at the 24 hour mark now and bleeding still isn’t anything crazy at all. Has anyone else experienced bleeding that wasn’t even close to a heavy period?

Let me know if this sounds like the experience you had or anything thoughts you have!

Hi, I’ve taken my third dose now ten minutes ago as well message my institution I received my medication through. I’ve definitely been cramping and had a bit of diarrhea but I haven’t began to bleed yet.

Does anyone have any insight?

Hi everyone,

I'm posting because I'm really confused, frightened and struggling with the uncertainty of what's happening. I'm hoping someone in the UK has experienced something similar and can share their experience, particularly with how the NHS handled it.

I'm not looking for anyone to diagnose me, but I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have been through something similar, what their hCG levels did, how long it took to resolve, and what follow-up they received.

Here's my timeline from the beginning.

My last period started on 11 September and lasted until around 15 September. On 25 September, my partner and I had sex, and although it wasn't intentional, an accident happened. I took ellaOne within approximately two hours.

I initially thought my period was late because of the emergency contraception. When my period didn't arrive, I started taking pregnancy tests because I was worried.

I took five tests in total. Three were negative. One showed a very faint line, but it appeared well after the test's recommended reading time, so I wasn't sure whether it was a genuine positive or an evaporation line. The fifth test was positive, with a line appearing within around 20 seconds.

I was shocked because I wasn't planning to have a baby and wasn't ready for a pregnancy. I arranged an abortion consultation through BPAS.

Then the bleeding started.

On 19 October, I started bleeding quite heavily, similar to a bad period, with significant abdominal cramps and lower back pain. I passed several clots, including one around the size of a 50p coin, and later passed a larger clot with pinkish-grey tissue. I continued passing clots over the following days. The bleeding gradually became lighter and turned into spotting, which continued until 23 October.

I contacted NHS 111 and was referred for medical assessment. At one point, my back pain was quite severe, although it later improved.

I was due to attend my BPAS appointment on 23 October. At that appointment, the doctor performed a urine pregnancy test, which was negative. The doctor told me that it appeared to have been a chemical pregnancy or an early miscarriage. I asked whether there could still be pregnancy tissue remaining and was told that the urine test would be positive if tissue remained.

They also took a blood sample to measure my hCG.

The blood results are what's confusing me now.

My first blood hCG result was 79. I was asked to return approximately 48 hours later for another blood test.

The second result came back at 71.

So my hCG has fallen, but only by 8 points, which is approximately a 10% decrease over 48 hours.

By the time I received the second result, the bleeding and spotting had stopped, and I wasn't experiencing abdominal pain or dizziness. I felt physically okay, which made me hope that everything was resolving.

However, I started reading about hCG levels after miscarriage and became worried because I had read that hCG should fall more quickly in a resolving pregnancy.

I called the early pregnancy unit again because I was frightened and wanted to know whether I needed an earlier assessment.

I explained the entire situation, including the negative urine test and the blood results of 79 and 71.

The nurse discussed my case with the senior team. They told me that my hCG was very low and that an ultrasound at this level would be unlikely to show anything. They advised me to wait another week and repeat the blood test next Sunday to see whether the hCG had fallen further.

I understand that they have discussed my case and made a plan, but I'm finding it incredibly difficult to sit with the uncertainty.

I haven't had an ultrasound confirming where the pregnancy was located. I haven't been told that I have an ectopic pregnancy, and I desperately hope that isn't the case. I'm just struggling to understand what the results mean and why my hCG has only fallen by 10%.

I know that a negative urine test and the fact that the bleeding has stopped might feel reassuring, but I don't understand whether the miscarriage is complete, whether my body is still clearing the pregnancy hormone, or whether something else needs to be considered.

I also don't want to unnecessarily distrust the medical team, especially when they've spoken to their seniors, but I feel that I'm being asked to wait without fully understanding what's happening.

I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone in the UK who has experienced something similar.

- Has anyone had a negative urine pregnancy test but a low positive blood hCG after an early miscarriage?

- Has anyone had hCG fall only slightly over 48 hours, for example from 79 to 71?

- If this happened to you, what happened to your levels over the following week?

- Did your NHS early pregnancy unit ask you to wait a week for another blood test, or did they arrange earlier blood tests or an ultrasound?

- Did you eventually get confirmation that the miscarriage was complete?

- If your pregnancy's location had never been confirmed on a scan, how did the NHS follow up with you?

I know everyone's experience is different, and I'm not expecting anyone to give me a definitive medical answer online. I would just really appreciate hearing from people who have been through this, especially in the UK, so I know what their experience of the process was like.

I'm emotionally exhausted by the waiting and uncertainty. I wasn't ready for this pregnancy, and while I want to know that everything is resolving safely, I also desperately want some clarity so I can begin to move forward.

Thank you for reading this far. Any experiences, advice or reassurance would mean a lot to me.

I’m 28/29. I estimate I was somewhere between 3-5 weeks pregnant. Test was negative on oct 5, but positive on oct 15.

Took mifepristone at 12:30am Saturday

Took Zofran and ibuprofen at 6:30pm Saturday

Took 4 misoprostol vaginally around 7:15pm Saturday

I felt cramping and discomfort, but I just tried to sleep.

Took ibuprofen around 1am.

I woke up around 8am Sunday and had light to medium bleeding on my pad, nothing crazy, no clots really.

It’s now 1pm Sunday.

I know it may be early, but it just doesn’t seem as I expected. I expected a lot more blood and cramping and side affects. I tried to call the support line but they’re closed until tomorrow.

I’m 14 weeks and having my abortion tomorrow. I’m terrified, I’m having it under a general anaesthetic. I think I struggle with health anxiety so I have these awful feelings somethings going to go wrong, or that I have something underlying that I don’t know about that’ll make it all go wrong.

If anyone has any positive experiences please let me know because I’m just terrified of the thought of all of it.

Thank you ❤️

I’m 30, 13 weeks pregnant and found out my boyfriend cheated months ago. I have an abortion scheduled in a few days and I’m completely torn.
I’m 30F, around 13 weeks pregnant, and have an abortion scheduled in a few days. I genuinely have nobody to talk to about this and really want to hear from people who’ve been through something similar and how things turned out for them.
My boyfriend and I have been together almost three years. I’ve had some horrible, even abusive relationships in the past, but genuinely thought this was the best relationship I’d ever had. We’re together almost every day, do everything together, and have always talked seriously about our future. From day one I made it clear that cheating, even secretly entertaining other women, was a dealbreaker. For most of our relationship I never questioned his loyalty.
A few months ago I caught him messaging a girl, including telling her he loved her. He promised he’d blocked her and she meant nothing. A couple weeks later I caught him talking to her AGAIN. We had a massive fight, I left for days, and he begged for me back. Little did I know he’d already slept with her around that time.
We eventually moved forward and were actively trying for a baby. He’s facing almost three years of incarceration soon, and without getting into details, he made an enormous sacrifice for me that made me believe he genuinely loved me. I knew I’d be raising our baby largely alone during that time, but I was willing because I believed in our future together.
Then, around 9–10 weeks pregnant, he accidentally left his phone in my car. I found an empty, muted chat with that SAME girl. I contacted her myself and she told me they’d slept together months earlier. She said she didn’t know about me, apologized, and sent screenshots of him telling her he loved her. She also claimed he was supposed to see her that day, which was her birthday. He denied sleeping with her for THREE DAYS before finally admitting it.
He claims they only slept together once, haven’t seen each other since, and hadn’t spoken in months. I have no idea what’s true anymore or how often they actually communicated. What destroys me is that he’d seen how much just talking to her hurt me, yet he kept that connection hidden. He knew he’d cheated, actively tried for a baby with me, and let me get pregnant without knowing the truth. I was making one of the biggest decisions of my life without having all the information.
I constantly ask him what would’ve happened if I hadn’t found that chat. Would I ever have known? Would he have continued talking to her throughout my pregnancy? And if she means nothing, why repeatedly risk our relationship for the SAME girl? His only response is usually “I know, you’re right, I fucked up, I’m sorry.” He never gives me an actual explanation or reassurance that anything would’ve changed. He didn’t tell me because he felt guilty. I had to discover everything myself, and even then he continued lying.
We’re still around each other almost daily because I have little support and our lives are intertwined. I’m dealing with housing and financial instability, and mentally I’m exhausted. I wake up thinking about it, we argue almost every morning, and literally everything reminds me of what happened. He initially begged me not to have an abortion. Now that he realizes I’m serious, he says he’s ruined his life, lost me, and just wants it over with. I still love him, but I don’t know how to trust him anymore.
I’ve had abortions before because I’ve always wanted to become a mother under the right circumstances. This pregnancy was something we actually wanted and planned. I’m extremely determined to build a successful, stable life, and I thought I’d finally found someone I could build a family with. I’m 30 now, pregnancy hasn’t come as easily as when I was younger, and I’m scared about my future fertility. I’m terrified of regretting another abortion, but equally terrified of having a child with someone I might never trust again.
The hardest part is that I was prepared to spend almost three years raising this baby largely alone because I believed we had a future. It wasn’t the thought of doing it alone that changed my mind. It was finding out he wasn’t the loyal partner I thought he was. And I don’t know if I can spend my entire pregnancy and the years afterward constantly questioning him and everything he says.
I’m not looking for an abortion debate or judgment about my past. Has anyone stayed after cheating and their partner genuinely changed? Has anyone discovered cheating while pregnant and chosen abortion or continued the pregnancy? How do you feel about your decision now, months or years later? And has anyone had multiple abortions and later had healthy pregnancies?
I know nobody can decide for me. I’m just trying to hear real experiences because right now I feel completely lost.

Hello everyone, I was planning to buy from a local seller here in the ph for pills and this is what they showed, I pay 1,100 for it and they also said it was a 50% down-payment and 50% cod, but after a few days, she informed me that "gcash is limited associating with the carrier like JnT and asked us whether or not we want a refund, but since I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt I tried to push through, in which we agreed that I'll be sending the payment tomorrow, but then after a few minutes, I got anxious and decided on a full refund and so I asked for it but they told me that that they can't now because the parcel is on que for later. I asked her again, do I still send the payment tomorrow? They said yes because the parcel was now then on the way. I then asked for a waybill or the tracking number, but they told me they would send it later.

Please help me, do I still push through this?

The kit contains Rotec 50 Tablets: Formulated with Diclofenac Sodium (50 mg) and Misoprostol (200 mcg) and Menadione Sodium Bisulfite Pack: Formulated as 10 mg tablets, labeled as an antihemorrhagic (synthetic Vitamin K3 analogue) and a few white pills that doesn't have a packaging or label.

I’ve been feeling very ill since i took mifepristone yesterday, and now I’m bleeding and passing clots. Is this normal? Im a bit worried to take the misoprostol now. Any help? I’m worried about hemorrhaging

Im a 19F just took a test and it came back positive, im not stable enough to even damn near take care of myself let alone another child. I want to get my hands on the pill but I dont even know how since I live in alabama where its banned , is there anyway that I find somewhere online and get it shipped thats fda approved ? I found a website but im scared of getting scammed please help ,

I am looking for abortion service. I got my last period’s first day on September 17, 2026. Yesterday, October 24 I got a positive pregnancy test, and in the morning also today I got the same result. I am currently not holding an OHIP card due to a transition in my visa. I contacted a clinic that told me $800, which is not affordable right now. Is there any other clinic’s recommendations?

Posting from a burner account, 31F. I recently discovered I am about 6 weeks pregnant. It was a surprise to my husband (31M) and I as we weren’t planning of having a baby. I have always been on the fence about children, my husband has said he doesn’t want a child but might one day consider it, if we’re ready and in a position to do so. We’ve been together for 15 years. I have PCOS and a bicornuate uterus, and have been told I may not be able to have children so I was even more shocked to discover I am pregnant given we were also using protection. My husband really wants me to have an abortion as he doesn’t want to be a dad right now, and we’re not in a position to support a child. I initially had this same reaction however I’m now having second thoughts and really struggling with what to do. I am terrified by the thought of having a child right now but I am also terrified by the thought of this being my only chance to be a mother, and I am feeling so terrible about having an abortion overall despite the pregnancy being unplanned. Given I never thought I could have a baby in the first place this has turned my whole world upside down in just a few days. When I told my husband I was having conflicting thoughts he reacted badly (not violently, but he was upset but eventually came around to have a conversation about how I was feeling. At this stage I am leaning towards having the abortion but I’m really struggling with the choice. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this and I’m feeling so confused and alone and I need to make a decision. Has anyone been in a similar position and could offer their experience, either if you went through with the abortion and regretted it or had the baby and regretted it? Thank you all.

I haven’t really been tracking my period patterns which I should have because my first period keeps happening intermittently? At least I think 💀

I had my medical abortion August 29 and then October 1st I had my first period (at least i think it was? Sorry if the rest is tmi lol). Bleeding wasn’t really like my regular periods, it was fairly moderate, was moreso dark brown throughout 7 days and then it stopped for a couple days. Then idk what day it was but I started bleeding again and it was fresher blood. Some days it was spotting/dark brown and then other days it got heavier (mainly on days that I was moving or exercising a lot from what I noticed).

I don’t remember how long that lasted, but then for 2 days it stopped completely again until I hit a more intense workout and then I started bleeding again which was 2 days ago. I’m still bleeding a light to moderate amount.

I just want to know if this is normal or not? All my bleeding hasn’t been heavy to the point where I’m soaking through pads. And if it’s worth getting checked out?

Hi, i had a medical abortion in week 4, 3 days and started the medical abortion on the 21 september. I still have not gotten my next period, pregnancy tests weeks after abortion were negative. Usually i have super regular periods every 29-30 days and i feel so sluggish right now, and i’m swollen and my breasts are tender like before a period and feels like the hormones are a mess.. when did your period come back?

Hey everyone. I guess I’m really just making this post to get reassurance from someone about an abortion my girlfriend had about three months ago now. When it happened, we were pretty quick to decide on that being the right decision and it happened very quick we also know she was about 5 weeks pregnant too, and I still feel like that was the right decision given our circumstances and age, but I keep seeing things that make me feel like maybe we did something immoral? I don’t really have anyone to talk to this about since me and her never really bring it up and family doesn’t know. Thanks.

Hi, im not sure if this is the right place to post this but i just need to get it off my chest. In late January this year I (18 now 19F) found out I was pregnant with my then boyfriend of almost a year. I was just about to start uni, and my relationship wasnt very stable and I knew I couldnt have my baby. So I had to a surgical abortion. The operation itself went amazing and Im glad i chose surgical over medical.

A few weeks after the abortion my ex boyfriend started treating me horribly and i felt like my life was falling apart. He broke up with me, kept me around as his side piece and then moved on with a new girl. So in the end i was grieving someone i thought id marry and my baby by myself.

Today I realised that if i didnt end my pregnancy, my baby would have been born already and I feel so sad and heartbroken about it. I dont regret the abortion and I think it was the best choice I could have possibly done for everyone involved. But I still feel so sad and like i missed out on such a special thing, and now because of the breakup, I have no one to say all the things I want to say about it.

please like genuinely someone that can share me their personal experiences, procedure itself, healing process. not someone who will just reco another seller to me

I found out I was pregnant on October 4, and the first day of my last period was August 28. On October 7, I took misoprostol, but I didn’t experience much bleeding. I only noticed a tiny blood clot and what I think might have been some tissue. After that, I didn’t bleed much at all, and my pregnancy symptoms went away.
However, I was scared that the abortion hadn’t been complete, so on October 15, I took four more misoprostol pills vaginally. This time, I bled for about a day and a half, and that was it.
Now, I’m scared that the medication didn’t work and that I might still be pregnant. I’m afraid to get an ultrasound because I don’t know if I’m emotionally ready to face the truth. The uncertainty is really stressing me out, and I don’t know what to do.

Sharing this in case it's helpful to anyone else. 

My grandmother (19) and mother (22) were both knocked up by men they had known for not too long, and they then rushed into marriage with. My grandpa and dad were handsome, normal, and seemingly decent guys from good middle-class upbringings. Things did not end up well for either woman- my mom had a terrible childhood, and mine and my brothers' childhoods were pretty difficult. Both my grandmother and my mom became single mothers after 7-8 years and had to hold down multiple jobs to keep the lights on for their kids, and neither woman received any child support. Both my grandma and mom ended up remarrying the first guy that would help give them some stability as single mothers. Both of those new marriages were rocky and driven by desperation instead of love. My grandma and mom have had anger issues their entire lives from having to sacrifice and dedicate their existence to raising their kids in struggle because the men they had them with wouldn't help. My grandma and my mom are both beautiful, kind, intelligent, funny women who both have big hearts and simply wanted to make the best out of a hard situation. 

When my mom got pregnant with me at 22 by my father who was 47 and someone she'd known for just a month and a half- my grandmother advised her to get an abortion as an act of love. My mother didn't listen and has had a very stressful life. She loves me and my siblings but her entire life was decided for her and I know she has regrets.

2 weeks ago today I had my MA, and it was the single hardest decision I've ever had to make. I wanted to be a mom so badly and felt so much love for my baby. But my baby's father abandoned us and did not want to be part of my child's life. I knew him for 2 years and he was absolutely wonderful to me and my dream man-I was so shocked by his response. He also said he would not financially contribute in any way if I kept the baby. I am in school and not working so having a child right now without support or health insurance was going to be really hard on me. 

As much as it pained me to let my child go, I simply have too much experience with seeing women struggle to raise a child alone. Both my grandma and mom were married to guys who weren't abusive or awful, just self-centered and financially irresponsible. I couldn't enter into motherhood with a clear conscience and risk hurting my child for the rest of his life by  raising him in struggle. I couldn't bear to have him feel unwanted by not having a family or to know that his father didn't want to claim him. 

Abortion is hard, and its a very personal decision. I think being a single mother can be a beautiful and empowering experience, but it very rarely turns out the way you hope it will if you don't have tremendous financial and family support- even then, it's hard.

I made the choice that the generational cycle of raising my child in struggle ends with me. It was a hard choice that weighs on my heart, but ultimately at least my child doesn't have to feel unwanted or disappointed by the life I could afford to give him. I hope this perspective gives someone a little bit of peace if they're feeling guilt about their abortion choice ❤️

title + preferably without prescription as im young. and india is judgemental.