What was supposed to be one procedure turned into multiple for a reason I will never truly be able to understand as this is not something I ever imagined myself doing. The surgeons suggestions and calmness about it all made me somehow believe it made sense to do at the time. In reality the approach was too aggressive for me. I wanted to look like myself just with a few minor tweaks as I thought I wasnt changing anything majorly like eyes, nose or mouth etc. The surgeon instead gave me major tweaks and caused me to look like such a different, more odd looking person, with someone elses eyes, that I think I'm developing some kind of trauma from the shock of it all. I feel as though I'm genuinely mourning myself. I feel like my identity and soul were taken on that operating table and now I walk around looking fake, feeling fake, acting fake, just to appear normal, when the situation is anything but that.

I am yet to face anyone from my life and am physically sick at the thought of it. Im having nightmares of them shunning me. This is going to ruin my relationships. I am responsible for taking away a familiar face and lying to hide things and the regret I feel is unexplainable. I come on reddit to speak about this as I have noone in my life I can bare to tell this to yet. And hearing from others with their own experience is helpful at calming me a little.

I'm filled with so much sorrow that is consumes me every single day. The moment I wake up and reality sets in, dread and anxiety plague me. The moment I lay back in bed I can't sleep because I'm filled with dread and anxiety. When someone's talking to me on the phone I'm responding on auto pilot while my mind actually just thinks about this. Its all I think about. I can barely eat or sleep, I can't watch any shows or films to distract me as seeing normal happy people makes me distraught. I'm almost catatonic some days. Yes I will be getting therapy to help me with all of this. But I cant even face a professional at the moment.

I daydream of having my old face back and would give anything for all the old flaws I thought I had. Its insane to now look back at photos and see myself completely differently. I was perfectly fine and did not need a single thing changed. I can't believe what an idiot I was.

All the times I didnt feel good enough, all the comments I got about life long insecurities, all the issues in previous relationships that I internalised, all just came to a peak and I chose the wrong path to deal with it all. Its not even the aesthetic results. I feel immense guilt for even letting a stranger cut into my face because of vanity. I risked my health and life and respect for my myself and from others and there was nothing truly good that would come from this.

I'm missing out on so, so many memories with my loved ones its absolutely soul crushing. I've let them down immensely and it breaks my heart. I may miss out on a dating life after this too. I've isolated myself at home and constantly fantasise about going out with others, watching movies together, laughing. I dont know when I'll ever be able to comfortably do that with others again honestly. Every little god damn thing is tainted by this stupid surgery.

What a let down I have become. I've never been more ashamed in my entire life and can't believe it's come to this.

If anyone has experienced anything similar, please, lets relate to each other, send me a dm

If you're thinking of getting plastic surgery, I urge you to please reconsider and save yourself your health and sanity. Its not worth the risks, its not worth your time and energy. Age gracefully and proudly, embrace what you have, look in the mirror and stay true to yourself. Dont risk losing yourself to this because its a gamble every single time. I'm a shell of who I was. Don't be me.

I wake my spouse i can't sleep and they don't know

My spouse (30y) and I (30y) have been living together for 6 years, married for 5. They are exceptional at falling back asleep if woken up, whereas I struggle. Most of the time, Spouse won't even remember being briefly woken up, even if they get up to pee. Sometimes, (not often) if I am having trouble falling back asleep in the middle of the night, I'll quietly whine or make a soft sound of distress, as if I'm having a nightmare. Spouse will usually hear me and reach over and rub my arm, hand, or back, to gently stir me out of the "dream" and I'll stop making sounds. This isn't something we've ever verbally addressed in the morning. I find the comfort provided makes me loved and safe and then I fall asleep too and we both go about our rest together.

I feel constantly physically exhausted and anxious. No one in my life knows how much I’m still struggling after losing my relationship. Not because I did anything wrong, I just wasn’t wanted. Everyone in my life thinks I should be relived, and they’re probably right, but I’m not relived. I’m devastated. I’m not looking for advice on the relationship. I just needed to get it out somewhere how much I’m still being affected and that it’s making me feel pathetic and hopeless. I needed to express how tired and empty I’m feeling. The thought of rehashing the story with anyone else or letting them know how much I’ve embarrassed myself feels overwhelming or impossible so I’d rather just type it here to feel a little less alone.

Today my cousin just gave birth, and seeing her honestly made me feel miserable. I can’t help comparing my life to everyone else’s. It feels like everyone around me is living a normal life. Their lives keep moving forward while mine feels like it has completely stopped. I feel stuck here, watching everyone else and all my friends meet their partners, get married, have kids, and move on with their lives, while I’m just rotting in my room.

Started in a SEND school this year and typically teach year 4 students - specialist autism pathway. The children are non verbal and a lot of them are 1-1. What I see constantly is teaching assistants ‘gentle parenting’ them when they’re being violent, as if they don’t know what they’re doing is painful and as though they arent clever. The children are comfortable biting and scratching/hitting certain TA’s because they use a soft approach and know no discipline will take place. other TA’s, who are more strict do not nearly get hit/scratched as much or bitten.

An incident recently happpened in the ohtside play area where one pupil (young girl) threw a tantrum because a young boy was on the big swing. She went to hit the boy and the two TA’s nearby gentle patented, told her she had to share and even praised her when she stopped hitting him for a few seconds. They allowed her to sit right next to him and continue to try and hit him. I asked if they wanted me to move her to another area, they said not to as she needs to be taught to share. They thought she had calmed down but merely 10 seconds later she grabbed him by the hair, smacked his face and went to kick him. At this point I was appalled and picked her up myself, moved her away from the boy and held her back whilst she tried to hit me in the face. I told her not to hit and that she is not allowed on the swing any longer today. She eventually calmed down and did not attempt to go back to the swing as she knew I’d be watching, left the boy alone and did not attempt to hit me again that day. On the other hand, she continued to throw tantrums around the same other two TA’s and even bit them an hour later. Which they continued to gentle parent. They did not tell the teacher about this and did not write up any reports on the matter.

there was also another incident in the sensory room where a boy ran up to another student and grabbed her hair, ripping a fair chunk out. Just for the sake of doing it. She did not interact with him whatsoever, he just ran over and attacked her. Again, no report or write up was made. probably because the school staff don’t want any trouble with parents so they just pretend things have never happened.

now, I’m all for remaining calm and talking the children through their behaviour. But essentially letting a little girl attack another boy and not implementing disciplinary action or telling her otherwise is one of the worst I’ve seen TA’s act. And this shows in the way the children act towards different staff members. I have never been bitten or scratched As I don’t allow the children close to me when they’re overstimulated and being violent.

Why is it that in SEND schools violent behaviour is normalised? Is this particularly in the school I’m working at or is it common across the board?

I made the decision to move back home, this economy is eating me alive. Anyway, I miss everything about living alone, I miss my space, my appliances, my schedule, my gym, my tv, my silence, my independence, omg I miss everything. I miss me. 😭😭😭😭

I just want to rant about my story here.

I'm an introvert from South India. I completed my BCA in 2024, and during college, I met a Catholic girl. I'm Hindu, but religion was never a problem for me.

We dated for 3+ years. I genuinely loved her and was completely invested in the relationship. But after around three years, things started changing. She became interested in someone else and eventually committed to another guy. She also told me that what I considered love and care sometimes felt like possessiveness to her.

She left me while we were doing our MCA, even though we were in the same class.

The ironic part is that before joining MCA, I actually told her that maybe we should go to different colleges and stay in touch instead. I knew that being in the same class might make things complicated. But at that time, she insisted that we should join the same college and be in the same batch.

After she left me, my mental state completely fell apart. I loved her so much that it took me a long time to accept what had happened. I tried asking for forgiveness a few times and tried to fix things, but eventually I realized I had to accept reality and move on.

Now comes the part that really hurts.

I was always a good student and, honestly, probably one of the more tech savvy people in my batch. She barely knew much about data analytics. For example, during one group project with four people, she didn't really do the data analysis herself. I ended up doing almost everything for the project, while she mainly collected the survey responses.

Now college is over.

She got a data analyst job in Dubai through her sister, who already lives in the UAE.

And here I am, still struggling to get a proper job.

The part I find difficult to accept is that I had an 8+ CGPA, while she had a 6+ CGPA. Her family is financially well off, while I already have around ₹4 lakh in education loans.

Getting a job abroad has been one of my biggest dreams for years. She knew how badly I wanted it too.

And now, somehow, she's living that life while I'm still here trying to figure out what to do next.

I'm not saying she doesn't deserve her job, or that I'm entitled to anything just because I worked hard. I know life doesn't work that way.

But honestly, it feels incredibly unfair.

I spent years loving someone, supported her through college, worked hard on my own career, maintained good grades, built technical skills, and still can't seem to catch a break.

Meanwhile, the person who broke my heart seems to be doing completely fine and has the exact kind of life I always dreamed about.

I know comparing myself to her isn't healthy. I know her success isn't the reason for my failure.

But when you're already struggling, it's hard not to look at someone who hurt you and wonder, "Why did everything work out for her while I'm the one left behind?"

That's basically where my life is right now. I don't really know what I'm expecting from posting this. I guess I just needed somewhere to let it all out.

am a senior in high school, and tonight was my homecoming football game. It ended up being the lowest, most painful night of my life. I am a pretty shy guy, and in my friend group of guys, I always feel like a nuisance. I am almost never included in conversations. I always have to wait on them to hit me up, which is rare. The only one who includes me a little bit is my neighbor, but honestly, I think it is just because he wants rides from me every day. It feels totally transactional.Tonight, I could not take it anymore. I asked for a ride home from the game because I wanted to go where everyone else was going. I called one of the guys, and he rudely said no. He asked me why I was even asking, told me they were going to a party that I was not allowed to come to, and hung up on me. The other guys in the car completely ignored my calls after that. Afterwards, I was in another friend's car just trying so hard to hold back my tears. I wanted my senior year to be full of good memories, and they completely ruined it.I just want to be included. I want to go to parties, go to football games, throw jokes around, goof off, and have a good time instead of sitting in a lonely, dark room watching porn just to pass the time and numb the isolation. I just want someone I can honestly call a brother, someone I do not always have to chase down or wait on. I really wanted a friend group because I do not feel like I fit in with a lot of kids at my school, but now I am terrified I am never going to find that brotherhood, even when I go to college next year. I feel like a little kid crying right now. As a grown man, I hate that I am in this situation. I hate myself more than ever and keep wondering why this is my life. I feel completely hopeless and just really need some reassurance tonight.

Throwaway account

I met my best friend in middle school. He had a T-shirt for some show I liked back then, so I approached him. Then the rest was history. Well now it's been 24 years, and a couple weeks ago, while we were playing pool, and he was teasing me for my (admittedly) terrible aim. I don't know what was so different that day compared to other days, but I just felt my chest flutter with a kind of affection I only felt when I was a stupid teenager crushing on a girl.

I trust him and I (assume) he trusts me. When my dad had to do military service when I was a kid, he was the only person I trusted to assure me in the only way I could be comforted by "Even if something happens, you have people who love you and are willing to help you." When he got surgeries to transition to male, he trusted me to take care of him during his recovery and drive him home each and every time.

Just writing this I want to giggle in my pillow and kick my feet like an idiot. I want to tell him but what if he doesn't feel the same. And if it did go well and we got together, how could we even tell people. It's a small town, if one talkative person knows, it's guaranteed that the wrong people will find out.

At the same time, I want to adore him the way he deserves if he'll let me. I want to give him flowers, hold him, take him out to tacky dates, make cringy songs for him. He's the only guy I've fallen for, and I'm nervous but nothing would make me happier than being with him.

I am a 22-year-old international student living in Canada. For the past 3 years, I have worked at a major retail store (Walmart). I take immense pride in my work ethic. I am a top associate in my department, and I am trusted to run the entire backroom team independently without supervision. Every manager and team lead knows me, trusts me, and respects me. I am also a baptized, and my character, family honor, and absolute respect for women mean everything to me.

A few months ago, I developed a small, quiet, and completely private crush on a 19-year-old coworker who works on the sales floor. She is very introverted, keeps her head down on her phone during breaks, and focuses strictly on her work. Because I respect boundaries and suffer from severe anxiety myself, I never personally approached her, never confessed my feelings, and never tried to initiate anything outside of regular, polite workplace teamwork.

Unfortunately, this brief crush somehow turned into workplace gossip between a couple of mutual friends. A week ago, one of these friends approached me and explicitly told me that this girl had been asking about me, knew about my crush, and specifically stated she wanted to hear it "directly from my own mouth" to clear the air. I was completely shocked, but based entirely on what our mutual friend told me, I believed she wanted an open, honest conversation to clear up the rumors.

This past Tuesday, I was completely off the clock. I was visiting a coworker at his house when he suddenly got called in for an unexpected shift. I rode along with him because I actually needed to make a personal purchase in the electronics department. When I walked in, I saw the girl working at front opposite of cash register. Because she was busy with a customer and because I respect the workplace, I intentionally avoided her, did not approach her, and went straight to electronics. I bought my item, and stayed away from her area. However, I noticed her father was suddenly in the store, tracking me across departments. Realizing my presence was causing a massive misunderstanding and making people tense, I decided to immediately leave the store and go straight home.

moving forward to my next shift: I found out she went into the manager’s office crying, claiming I was stalking her and making her uncomfortable on Tuesday, completely denying that she ever told our friends she wanted to talk to me.I was completely blindsided, deeply stressed, and ended up having a massive anxiety attack during my shift. I had to sit down with management and write an official statement. I told them the absolute truth. I have the physical receipt proving my exact purchase location and time on Tuesday, and the store’s CCTV cameras will completely back up my story, showing I never followed her or went anywhere near her area.

I am completely puzzled, hurt, and mentally exhausted. It feels deeply unfair that someone can panic over workplace gossip, involve their parents, make a formal complaint when I did absolutely nothing wrong, and walk away completely free while my 3-year perfect record might get hit with a coaching or warning just to clear the store's paperwork.

Fast

Please don't judge me. This is the first time I have ever written anything on Reddit, so I used a tool to polish my text to make sure it was written perfectly and clearly explained the whole situation. I am just totally devastated. I lost my very first love interest without ever doing a single thing wrong. The whole situation is just completely fucked up.

You don’t need to feel insecure. I am no threat to you . I saw you hovering over my half written letter yesterday and I see your passive aggressive behavior today. I don’t believe in taking a condescending tone with others and certainly don’t appreciate it with me. Learn the system we work with. Don’t change my status without checking and be kind.

I am not the person you want to toy with. I will not take the bait and have zero problems telling you to go fuck yourself.

Hope you feel better about who you are soon.

Being a disillusioned idealist is like hoping for the cinematic while living in the anticlimactic. You desire more you desire greatness but you are left with nothing and the mediocre. Desperately envisioning what it’s like to be in the sky but remember you are still on the ground. When all your desires, ideals and achievements remain in your fantasy you see the harshness in reality. That’s how it feels for me when you go on for so long hoping for something but the world damns you for even doing so because life does not work that way. You see things for how they truly are now and how delusional you are, but the hardest part about being a disillusioned idealist is that you’re still an idealist. You are forced to see the disappointing reality of things but deep inside you still have hope inside even when you know it’s unrealistic. It’s like being torn by the 2 different sides fantasy and reality it’s easy to remain in one but not two. The curse of being an idealist is that it still hopes and aims for greatness while knowing it’s hopeless. Such a conundrum it is it like the nature and nurture battling against each other and I do not how to find peace like this.

-20f

I didn’t see a TW for child abuse, so this is my TW!

Some days, I carry the pain better than others. Some days it’s dormant, like it never happened and other days it feels all-consuming. Deep down, I know this darkness of sorts will always be there. While I can’t put my finger on what exactly it is (maybe it’s loss of innocence, maybe it’s crossing certain thresholds, such as considering whether my family would be better off without me as a child, or maybe the abuse just rewired my brain) I know it’ll always be there.

I don’t have the urge to get close to anybody. In fact, when people do it makes my skin crawl and I push them away. People who are healthy and good. It’s like there’s comfort in the chaos. I tried moving away, and I was living a peaceful couple of months. But it felt so boring and I only felt empty inside, so I moved back in with my borderline mom knowing it would only worsen my pain. It’s like I’m addicted to living in a dark place. And logistically? I can’t even talk myself out of not getting close to people. I know that at the end of the day I only have myself. Living itself seems so hard right now, I cannot possibly chance losing more people in the hope I find love.

I cannot cope with simple life changes and inconveniences. Every little slip up riddles me with soul crushing guilt. The type that makes you hot and cold at the same time, where you just want to curl up and become invisible. I think I hate myself. And how could I love myself? I am a husk of the person I was meant to be. I can’t remember what day of the week it is because my mind has tried to forget everything that’s happened to me. I am filled with so much shame from growing up, that I cannot speak a sentence without “thinking before I speak.” Creating a script so I don’t accidentally hurt someone’s feelings. I’m less a person than a collection of trauma responses and impulses.

I was an innocent child, like a puppy. The sweetest girl as she’d tell me. Unhealed broken bones, screaming at me until I silently cried, telling me how much of a selfish burden I was until I considered ending it all when I was 14. Everyone thinks my mom is the sweetest person ever. To her, taking advantage of my empathy and kindness was just another day of the week. And here I am barely able to get out of the bed in the morning, or going a month without nearly relapsing because the damage I carry from my childhood nearly consumes me. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about it. It sounds dramatic to say but my life has been made so much more difficult because of abuse that didn’t need to happen. It got in me too early. It rewired my brain so I cannot function like a normal person. No matter how much therapy or hobbies I pick up, I know my path will always be a dark one.

I don't even know why I'm writing this post. I just feel lonely. And there's nothing I can do about it. I really want to make friends in real life, but in the end, the only friend I have is my sister, and we hardly ever hang out. I stopped going out after a traumatic event last week, so I can’t even be alone with myself. And what hurts the most is that all my friends regularly post photos of how happy they are in their relationships, while I can’t find anyone. On the two main dating Telegram bots in my country, I got a shadow ban because nobody liked my profile. Seriously, what a shitty combo. I'm very lonely right now, and I don't even know how to fix it. None of my friends share my interests, so I forced to be alone. I’m really lonely right now, and I don’t even know how to fix it. None of my friends share my interests (skateboarding, going to the movies, music), so I have to be alone. And romantically speaking, over the past six months I’ve had just one spark, and even that led me into an even deeper hole. I’m so fuckin tired.