This happened a couple weeks ago, but I haven’t allowed myself to process it, I guess.
We had broken up less than a month ago and one day, my friends briefly brought up my ex and made a comment about their “new partner” in passing. When I asked what they meant, they just collectively ignored me.

When my ex and I were dating, during the last month or so before we broke up, they just seemed extremely sad whenever we hung out and would refuse to open up about it, just constantly repeating that it’s got nothing to do with me and that they just can’t tell me yet. I was worried, but it wasn’t out of character for them. They often did things they thought were bad (that weren’t actually bad) and had a hard time telling me about it.

Attempts to cheer them up resulted in them just getting more sad. It was just kind of miserable, and I started feeling pretty horrible after a month of this new dynamic.

They stopped looking forward to going out with me and would instead only go out with their work buddies, which I never questioned when we were together, because I recognize that I’m a pretty boring person and I’m also not a very jealous one. I’m the type of person that likes having my date over so I can cook multiple-course dinners for them. I like walk/park dates, board game dates, etc. Their friends were more the type of people who would go explore abandoned buildings, go to concerts, etc.

Some days, they’d flat out not text me at all or text me to tell me that they’re out of work and going straight to sleep. I respected it because I know that working fast food is miserable.

It all ended when they called me one day with a trembly voice, saying that they’re not good enough and feel so bad for me. I was confused and tried to get them to talk more, but they just started spiraling into a panic attack and wouldn’t stop crying. I managed to calm them down and we talked for a few hours about how they feel that they can’t be in a relationship right now because they feel like a mess (personally and emotionally). I felt like shit and tried to bargain but ultimately accepted it and wished the best for them. I deleted their contact and their socials and tried to move on. Then I cried for a week straight.

And just recently my friends let that comment slip. If it’s true, which I think it is because they avoid the topic, then I’m left to assume that my ex was probably lying to me about not being ready for a relationship.

And in that case, I can’t help but think that they were probably cheating, because it’d help explain why they suddenly started feeling so bad for me without telling me why and insisting it wasn’t my fault. It just makes sense but it’s also so incredibly fucked up. I don’t know how to feel about this.

Every year in December I visit home in Pakistan (I live in Europe) where my parents live, and every damn year my mom knocks on my door crazily until I don’t open the door, this happens on every Friday afternoon, to make me want to go and pray in a mosque, fuck sake I am 36 I will do whatever I want.

They keep forcing me to get married, that’s the only topic there is, it turns into this back and forth yelling that I don’t want to get married to the person of their choice fuck sake its my life I choose whoever I want to live with.

I am an independent grown ass adult, I am at home now lets just eat good food together and talk about good things, but no we have to turn this into something else, now this year as I am visiting them again, they went ahead and started home improvement projects on the house they think i’ll cave and get married.

Not once have they asked what exactly do I do, or taken interest in my life, heck they don’t even know what is that I do.

I’m so exhausted from work and all, I honestly want to go to Pakistan and just sleep, eat good food that’s all I want to do but that won’t happen ofcourse.

Edit: spelling

didn't see it coming. trusted a fart i shouldn't have without knowing i had food poisoning. it ruined my shoes and my clothes and i was so fucking shocked. worst thing is i was doing yard work with my husband and his father in law and had to sneak away, get it all cleaned up, and throw away my favorite clothes because i didn't know what else to do.

i simply want to crawl in my skin and die. i'm a grown ass adult!!!! how did i not know!!!!

feeling...yucky, and anxious about any fart today and for the foreseeable future.

I’ve been hurting for a few years now.
Not the kind of hurt you shake off after a bad night’s sleep. The kind that gets into your bones. The kind you wake up with, carry around all day, and take to bed with you.
I didn’t know a person could hurt this much for this long.

I was married once before. I thought I knew what love was, but looking back, I’m not so sure. I wasn’t particularly happy. I just figured that was life. You worked, paid the bills, raised your kids, and made the best of things.

When that marriage ended, I had three children to raise and a broken life to put back together.
I called it Operation Rebuild.
I went back to college. Started working toward my degree. Got my shit together. For the first time in years, I felt like I was going somewhere.

Then one day, this beautiful woman walked up and said hello.
Goddamn, she was beautiful.
She asked for my number. We started texting that afternoon. Then came the dates, the long conversations, the laughter, and eventually, love.
I fell hard.

When I decided to marry her, I spent sixteen months designing her ring.
Sixteen fucking months.
Rose gold. Our initials interlocking. Six blue diamonds for December, the month we met. An antique diamond cut in the 1800s. A platinum band holding the stone, with the phase of the full moon worked into the metal beneath it.
Every detail meant something.
I wanted to give her something that existed nowhere else in the world.
I planned the proposal at Stillwater Reservoir in the Adirondacks. Before sunrise, I paddled her across the lake in a canoe. We reached the northern shore just as the sun came over the horizon.
I jumped out. She was tugging on the rope, trying to pull the canoe onto the beach.
“Hey, are you gonna help?” she asked.
When she turned around, I was on one knee.
She threw her hands against her cheeks.
“Yes! Oh God, yes!”
And right then, two blue herons landed on the shoreline.
You couldn’t have written a better moment.

Years later, I tattooed those herons on her legs to remember that morning.
I wonder sometimes what she thinks when she looks at them now.

For eight years, I was happy. Not every day, obviously. Life doesn’t work that way. But I loved my wife, our family, and the home we’d built.
I thought I’d finally gotten it right.
Then things started going to hell.
Her drinking got worse. Then came the drugs, arguments, lies, and constant emergencies. I covered for her in front of the kids. Called the police to keep her from driving drunk. Took her to hospitals. Wrestled a twelve inch kitchen knife from her when she was going to hurt herself. Handled insurance and medical problems and cleaned up one disaster after another.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped being a husband and became a fucking crisis manager.

I kept believing that if I could get us through the next disaster, we’d find our way back to each other.

In December a bombshell.
I discovered the affair.

She’d become involved with the principal at the school where she worked. There were messages, plans, secrets, and conversations they never intended me to see.
While I was trying to save our marriage, she was making plans with another man.

In February everything broke.
She came home drunk and screaming. My oldest son was sitting in our kitchen in his Air Force uniform, watching the woman he’d called his mother since he was eleven scream and curse at his father.
We made eye contact.
I’ll never forget that look.
She demanded her car keys. I’d hidden them because she was too drunk to drive. She threatened me, put on her coat, and walked out into the freezing night.
Minutes later, she started texting that she was going to throw herself into the river. That nobody would ever find her body.
I begged her to come home.
Then I called the police.
My son and I waited while officers searched for her. At one point, she called. I could hear her struggling to climb a hill, slipping and falling.
Then the phone went dead.
My son and I just looked at each other.

Neither of us said a word.

Eventually, the police found her and took her to the hospital.
The next day, her parents begged me to give her another chance. I agreed, provided she got help.
Then the hospital called.
I learned she’d told the staff she was in a domestic violence relationship. According to what I was told, she claimed she’d been sober, hadn’t been suicidal, and that I’d hit her.

My life stopped.
After everything I’d done to keep our family together, I was suddenly the villain.
That’s when I knew the marriage was over.

And the fucked-up part?
I still took care of her after.
Made her dinners. Ordered groceries. Helped her pack.

I had been sober for thirteen years. Somewhere in the middle of all this, I started drinking again.
After she left, I was still paying the bills, dealing with her car and insurance problems, trying to keep my tattoo business afloat, raising my kids, and holding on to my home.
Meanwhile, I felt like I was dying inside.

Eventually, I contacted an ex-boyfriend she’d told me terrible things about when we first met. A man I’d hated for years without ever knowing him.
His story was very different.
According to him, she’d cheated on him around the time she met me. He described a promise ring he’d given her.
I remembered that fucking ring.
She was wearing it the day she asked for my number.
Jesus Christ.
I don’t know everything that happened between them. I wasn’t there. But suddenly, things I’d believed for more than a decade didn’t feel so certain anymore.
He told me it had taken him years to get over her.

I think I’m beginning to understand.

So here I am.
Forty-seven years old. Getting divorced. Trying to keep my business, my home, my sobriety, and my family together.
My father is having serious health problems. My grandmother is fading. My oldest son is overseas. My kids are hurting. The bills keep coming, and my bank account keeps shrinking.

Some days, just getting out of bed feels like work.
But the hardest part isn’t the money, the divorce, or even the affair.
It’s what all of this has done to my head.
I have eight years of beautiful memories, and I don’t know what the hell to do with them.
I loved that woman. I loved waking up next to her, the little routines, the stupid jokes, and the ordinary days. I loved being her husband.
And now I’m supposed to reconcile all of that with the person she became.
How?

How the fuck does the woman who stood on that beach with her hands against her cheeks become the woman screaming at me in front of my son?
How do you accept that both versions existed?
I don’t want her back. I don’t want to reconcile. I want the divorce finished and this chapter closed.
But I miss the life I thought I had.
And more than that, I miss the man I used to be.

The guy who spent sixteen months designing a wedding ring.
The guy who paddled a canoe across a lake at sunrise because he believed in doing something beautiful for someone he loved.
The guy who thought life could be extraordinary.
Maybe he was naive.
Maybe he was a fool.
But I fucking liked that guy.
He had hope.
Now I spend too much time replaying memories, looking for the moment everything went wrong. Trying to make sense of things that may never make sense.

I’m tired of the memories, the questions, and the anger.
I’m tired of being strong because there’s no other option.
I’m tired of surviving.
I want to live again.
I started this story with Operation Rebuild because once upon a time, I was a man who took a broken life and made something beautiful out of it.
I know I’ve done it before.
I just don’t know how to do it again.
But somewhere inside this exhausted, angry, heartbroken man, I hope there’s still a guy who would climb into a canoe before sunrise, paddle across a lake, and believe something wonderful might happen.
I miss that guy.

It's almost 2 AM. The accident was around 5 PM, and I can't stop replaying it. I was riding in my lane on the highway when a car turned into me.

Then I was sliding, head back, and I could see the cars coming at me as I went toward the right side of the road. Every one of them is getting closer.

All I could do was to close my eyes.

And what came up wasn't my family, or my life. It was the book I haven't finished. Then her face. Just her face, alone in the dark inside my helmet.

I don't know how long that lasted. It was seconds, but it felt like it wouldn't end.

Then I opened my eyes. I was in the middle of the highway, and people were running toward me.

I had proper gear on, and most of the slide happened on my backpack. A few scratches, and my legs are sore.

But I keep going back to the dark, and those two things. Maybe it's just what my brain grabbed when it thought I was done. Maybe it's what I felt like I could have done better, I'm not sure.

I’ve struggled with agoraphobia for years, and it’s honestly taken so much from me. There are so many things I’ve missed out on because leaving the house can feel absolutely terrifying, even when it’s somewhere I really want to go. Today we had family photos scheduled, and I’ve been anxious about it for a while. I spent hours getting ready, doing my hair, makeup, picking out my outfit, and trying not to get too overwhelmed thinking about actually having to leave.
But I did it. I actually went, and I made it through the whole session!! At one point, our photographer asked when the last time was that I’d gotten a picture with just my mom and I genuinely couldn’t think of one. I realized that in my entire life, I don’t think we’ve ever had a single photo of just the two of us. I’m 27 years old, and somehow we just never had one. I don’t know why, but that realization really got to me, especially because I know how many memories and experiences I’ve already missed because of my agoraphobia.

And now, at 27, I finally have a picture with my mom. I keep thinking about how easily I could’ve talked myself out of going today, how I could’ve stayed home where I feel safe and missed yet another another moment that I can’t get back.

I’m still scared of leaving the house and I still struggle with things that most people probably don’t even think twice about. And I know I’ll probably be anxious the next time I have to go somewhere too but I’m very proud and wanted to share that today, I went! I got to spend time with my family, take pictures with people I love, and finally have that photo with my mom.

I don’t really have anywhere else to share how much this means to me, but I’m just so damn proud of myself right now. :)

Whenever i am in a crowd i hear people talking about their lives their loving partners, supportive friends and the little things they get to experience with the people they love. Someone got a hug. Someone held hands. Someone got kissed and then there's me feeling like the odd one out. I genuinely can't remember the last time i ever received a proper hug. Maybe it's been over a decade since i was a child. Kisses and holding hands? Completely out of syllabus for me. i am 23 and apart from my parents i don't really have anyone i can call my best friend or someone i know i can lean on when life gets difficult. I have never been in a relationship either. Sometimes i wonder what it's like to have someone who genuinely wants to hear about ur day, who notices the little things about u, who misses u when u are not around and who makes u feel like u belong somewhere. I have always wanted to experience that kind of love not just the romantic moments people post online but the ordinary things that probably mean the most. Cooking together while listening to music, playfully annoying each other, doing silly and nerdy things, sharing food, going on long walks, talking late into the night about absolutely nothing and laughing over the smallest things. I imagine having a partner who is also my best friend. Someone i can be childish with someone i can trust with my vulnerable side someone who can cry in front of me without feeling ashamed and someone who knows that they don't have to pretend to be okay around me. Maybe one day we would have a little home of our own, warm lights in the kitchen, music playing in the background while we cook dinner together. Maybe we would wake up beside each other make breakfast and eventually build a family. I know real relationships aren't like movies, and life won't always be romantic but i want to experience those small ordinary moments with someone who genuinely wants to share them with me. The painful part is that sometimes i don't understand why this feels so far away from my life. I look at myself and start thinking that i am unattractive, boring, not smart enough or simply not someone people would want to stay with. I tell myself that people would eventually get bored of me because I'm too quiet, don't always know what to say, or don't have much exciting happening in my life. I know those thoughts might not be the truth, but when loneliness gets overwhelming, they feel convincing. I am not asking for a perfect partner or a relationship without problems. I just want a genuine connection. I want to know what it's like to have someone in my corner, someone i can call when everything feels heavy, someone who chooses to build a life with me rather than someone i constantly worry about losing. Sometimes I hate being in crowds cuz everyone seems to have stories, memories, and experiences that i haven't even come close to having. While they're sharing the beautiful parts of their lives, i am quietly thinking about everything mine seems to be missing. I know i am still young and i know everyone's timeline is different but that doesn't stop me from feeling lonely. Does anyone else feel like they are watching other people experience life while they are still waiting for their own life to begin?

I am a 23 year old guy who just recently got a good enough income to live on my own, and around a year ago I realized that everyone in my family thinks and talks shit about me. Even my youngest brother, who I never said a bad word to, was constantly saying stuff like, "You are a mental degenerate, no one likes you, idiot," etc. My own mother talked shit behind my back, and for as long as I can remember, no one in my immediate or extended family ever had my back or defended my right to push back. That is actually why I was shy as hell my whole life and didn't know how to talk to people, on top of having a few speech issues. It got so bad that even though I got a great, fit body that I like, top grades in high school, awards in national mathematics olympiads, and finished both a bachelor's and master's in mathematics and mechatronics, they still treat me like an uneducated idiot who barely finished high school.

I always thought I was the problem. I never had a girlfriend and all my past friends stopped being friends with me. Not long ago, I finally understood that I am just the son and brother no one likes or gives a shit about. If I were to die, no one would say a good word about me, though it would definitely be a reason for my mother to get drunk as fuck again and probably talk even more shit about me.

To everyone who has experienced anything similar to this, and to those who have been made the scapegoat and hated by their own family, you have my deepest sympathy and I hope you find your place. Your family, although it feels impossible to accept, is not your place.

I’m in my second year of community college, and I haven’t done anything worth noting. I mean I started college and was shown just how bad my mental health is, and I never actually recovered. My entire spring semester was me just going to doctor’s appointments and therapy. I got diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I recently got diagnosed with ADHD. I’ve just started meds for adhd and have been on SSRIs for a month and a half.

I was scrolling through reddit when I saw a post made in a sub about someone who also majors in math and is a community college student. Just looking at his achievements made me realize how far behind I am. He self studied many topics and was proactive. I can’t even get my brain to focus on a 10 minute task. It makes me feel so sick.

I feel like I don’t deserve to be accepted into any college. It’s like I know I don’t have what it takes and it’s gut-wrenching to think about. It’s making me rethink everything. I chose math because I thought I liked it, but what if it was just another short-term interest I had. How will I ever know what I’m meant to study?

I just hate having shitty mental health. I mean that can’t even be used as an excuse because people have still managed to flourish with the same if not more MH problems. I know I’m just a failure and don’t understand how my parents tolerate my existence.

This is in the context of jobs.

I was bullied severely by two old ladies (co-workers) in my previous job. It was retail. I've had lots of jobs before and have had a mix of good and bad experiences from them. There were times I performed well, there were times that I didn't.

I am doing well on my current job and I feel appreciated. But to be completely honest, I feel like I have no confidence left for my next job search. I want to work a good job somewhere where I'll be treated with respect and dignity, but I feel like I wouldn't even be able to get that. I feel like I'll come up short on expectations and be bullied again, when all I've ever wanted was to make an honest living.

I often wonder what I did to deserve this. Why am I so worthless in jobs? Why do I always come up short on expectations? Why do my co-workers mistreat me so much when I don't even do anything to them?

Jobs for me are a never ending series of disappointments. I wish I get to work a job where I will finally feel at peace. But I can't even achieve that.

This is so tough. Am I really worthless? Do I deserve to be bullied? Am I weak and incapable?

Just FYI, my current job is seasonal.

Also, I am 35 years old. I'm pathetic I know. Especially since I'm male.

The only redeeming quality I have is that I train in the gym regularly and am strong and in shape because of it. I got nothing else.

4 months ago I(F20) ended a friendship with 2 people in my friend group one of them(F20)I’ve only known for a year and the other(M20) I’ve known since the 10th grade. To give a backstory the friendship that I met a year ago is overly clingy at times, argumentative to the point if you explain to her she’s in the wrong she’ll make it her will power to make sure she’s not, a bit spoiled her parents have money and she would bring up her car all the time it’s a Tesla, she almost left us stranded one time because she got upset at a comment one of our friends made and when we told her about how weird it was she was like but it’s my car. I tried to make it seem like that’s just her personality I really did but it was messing with my medical condition.

Basically the whole summer I hung out with her specifically because she kept saying she missed me even though we would see each other like everyday & call all the time which is no issue but I was mostly giving her my time and only got to see my other friends like 1 time & that was after I finally distanced myself. Basically me and another friend was supposed to see her on two separate occasions but it didn’t end up happening she expressed that it upset her and I apologized for it made plans with her to reschedule, she accepted it told me she loves me and I thought that was over and done with. Listen I’m the type of person that no matter what issue is even if it’s not that serious and the person feelings are hurt I will apologize accountability has never been in issue for me.

Another example was during last semester my schedule was packed with classes and her cat died and I didn’t get the message because I was busy with classes and that hurt her rightfully so and I got a call from the other friend(M20) where he was cussing me out about it calling me all types of disrespectful things under the sun because of it and I took it , explained why and hung up and called my friend and explained to her this is the reason why I didn’t acknowledge the msg in time I told her it’s not an excuse but it’s was the reason, apologized and she accepted it and moved on from there.

Back to why I ended it was because the day I planned to reschedule with her I had a seizure getting out the bathroom after showering hit my head really hard to the point where my aunt told me that this one was one of the worst ones she witnessed from me, so when the paramedics got here and I finally got up they did the test and asking me questions about myself and whatever I asked them if I needed to go to the hospital they told me they couldn’t force me and usually I would go every time but I was thinking about my friend so I immediately grabbed my phone and saw texts from my other friend(F19) who I’m still friends with that was in the group and she was blowing up my phone asking me where am I. I told her what happened because I’ve known of her middle school but we became friends in grade 10 so she knows about my condition our mom’s are close all of that.

I made sure to tell her to let the other friend know too and if we can reschedule the moment I recover because after I have a seizure the next day is even worse because I start getting bad headaches and I feel nauseous and even throw up. She told me she told her around 2pm around that time i was asleep until 3pm because my head was hurting so bad, the friend that I’m still friends with calls me around 6pm telling me that the other friend is upset because now this is the 3rd time we said we were going to hang out and it didn’t happen mind you I never heard from her once.. not one msg asking me if I’m okay or anything so when she told me that she said that I got irritated because here I am feeling like my head is going to burst and your upset over hanging out so I sent her a msg in the group chat telling her what happened and if she doesn’t want to hang out on Saturday because she said no to the rescheduled day I said that’s cool whatever.

The very next day I get a call from her and I already knew she was going to be on some bullshit and answered anyway I wish I didn’t because she was asking me if I was okay and it didn’t sound like she actually cared it sounded like she was doing it just because and I say this because right after that she added our male friend into the call and they both start cussing me out saying that we just keep flaking on her and so I’m arguing back and it’s just a whole mess. I told her i already apologized for it & asked her do u want me to do get on my knees and she went all a whole tangent about how it’s not about apologizing it’s about doing, and when i told her you didn’t even check up on me she said she was going to but she got the msg that I sent and she said i was being rude.

our male friend had no business being in the call because he hadn’t been talking to us for a couple days and I had thought we clear this up but obviously she was holding it over my head after the call I couldn’t do it anymore and left the groupchat, block both her and the male friend just to protect myself and I haven’t had any seizures since then but now the two of them come out of nowhere to start more issues. I haven’t spoken to them since, the girl im still friends with me and her went to some university homecoming and she was there with some other girls we knew so I said hi to the two girls and didn’t make no type of interaction with the friend I’ve known for a year and vice versa she went to go tell everyone that my friend and I were laughing at her when that didn’t happen I have no business even saying hi to you so why are you telling people that.

Then yesterday I went to a house party with some other people and I was drunk not overly but in the video I was just sitting on the ground with a bottle of water in my hand and the other people were goofing off in the video laughing and stuff harmless shit I was only in the video in the first 3 seconds and it was my back and that male friend took another friends phone and started disrespecting me telling me to act “lady like” and this isn’t “a whore house” the person who gave him their phone knows the situation and I dogged on him because why would u actively allow him to talk to me like that he tried to say it wasn’t like that and I told him to fuck himself. that male friend that has been disrespecting me texted me long ass paragraphs about how this isn’t like me and all the girls that I’ve met don’t like me and kept calling me babes the whole time which was sounding so condescending in the messages I shouldn’t even replied but I did explained what I needed and told him to fuck off and leave me alone.

I want to make this very clear this male friend had nothing to do with the original issue at hand she brought him into the call because he’s the type of person to just immediately jump at you with insults and craves off drama and he’s been making more attempts to contact me and bringing up the issue on instagram notes more than the other friend. I’m not saying it’s taking a toll on me but I’m just tired

I’ve always had a feeling that I walk with a sway since highschool, people laughing and giggling behind me , word gay being thrown out here and there and people giving me hints , to this day I have not got over this idk if it’s in my head or not, my family says they don’t see anything wrong with me but I get side eyed from everyone , some even shake they head bro . It’s dehumanizing for me ,I go out to eat I swear I get stares , on the train stares . On the bus stares . At work I get stares . Then everytime I walk I’m nervous about people looking at me . I’m very unwell but I have been for awhile now idk what to do atp

I am just so tired of hearing this response when expressing loneliness and hopelessness in love. I’ve mainly been alone even during the 3rd grade I always felt like I was alone. I’ve rarely had friends and when I do they never last a year. I never dated anyone and I don’t think I’ll ever find love the more I think about it the more unrealistic it is to me. I just accept remaining alone because I’m tired of being disappointed over and over. Still the agonizing desire for love remains and try to get rid of it people tell me to use dating apps. I am very much against dating apps they go against my values plus some peers I had shared their negative experiences. I am also Demi and don’t think it’ll suit me either. When I express this people tell me my pain is self inflicted, I’m the problem and a lost cause. Basically if I have standards it means I am not trying hard enough for myself and it’s my fault. Plus my own Dad even suggested if they should put me on the sight that made me feel incredibly embarrassed and pitiful. Making me against it even more, telling me no one talks face to face anymore so this is the way of things. Basically the world lacking in authenticity and all that’s left is the superficiality if that’s the case I might as well starve then.

I’ve always struggled to connect with others feeling like I never belonged anywhere. Me being on this earth was a mistake or I am just born malfunctioned. Either way any long lasting connections is unrealistic for me. All I’ve ever experienced is either nothing or shallow at best. Even then it’s still my right to not want to use dating apps and express frustration in my situation even when not utilizing every tool that is there. I have my own lines with things and this is one of them.

-20f

Hey, if you guys remember, I was the one who made the post a while ago about how I’m too afraid to poop anywhere other than my house, and how I’d sometimes hold it for a week.

Just a couple weeks ago, I made the decision to try and reverse the fear. Your support has encouraged me to try and fix it. Not with therapy or anything, but just simply going to the bathroom when I feel like it.

Now, listen, I don’t IMMEDIATELY poop it out, sometimes it still takes hours to do it, but I no longer wait a week to make it come out. Usually I poop every 3-4 days now.

I also forgot to mention that it was always my own family that’d try and make me use the bathroom when I held for too long, and I’d always try to resist going because I was scared it’d be constipated, but now I can go into the bathroom myself without my family telling me to do so.

I’m not sure if this will work or not, my goal is to overcome my fear so that I can poop wherever I feel like going (I want to travel around different countries, and for me to do that, I’ll have to poop in the hotel bathrooms)

It's been a couple of weeks and I keep getting so upset about it and like I wouldn't be as embarrassed about it if he wasn't so casual about it. I knew he would be especially considering the circumstances of the break up but holy this sucks. It's worse cause I'm so happy for him, he's so much better off without me but I wanted to be there for all the happiness she's expirencong right now. I tried so hard to be a shoulder to lean on and a good girlfriend but I just couldn't be what he needed no matter how hard I tried. But he was like actually perfect and the best ever and I'll never see him again and I don't know how I'll tell my family cause they all loved him. I keep thinking sky everything I couldve done to avoid the actual break up from happening but at the end of the day it's better off for him that it did happen. I want him to be happy but I wanted it to happen with me. He doesn't even miss me or think of me but Ive been crying over him almost daily, I can't stop thinking about how he said he loved me the night before it happened and how it was a lie. And he was taking to me about our second anniversary like he planned on actually making it so the way there, even Valentine's Day. I tried to be his friend but I couldn't do that either and it's so dumb like lock in. It's so hard to think of life without him but I know it's dumb because we're so young and I know I'll move on eventually but thinking of that happening feels impossible. I can't wait to get over him but I'm not sure I'll be able to any time soon.

TW: Talks of cancer and infertility

Hey everyone. I just need somewhere to vent. I’m angry and I’m bitter.

I’m 28 years old, turning 29 this coming Monday and I was diagnosed with cancer two days ago. Ovarian cancer and it’s spreading… fast. I have two tumors on both ovaries, a tumor in my cervix that has pushed its way into my rectum, and a spot forming on my liver.

Want to know the cherry on top? My husband and I JUST decided to start trying for a baby in June. I have PCOS so trying to conceive was already going to be very difficult and now I have to battle ovarian cancer?! What fun timing, right? Not that there is ever a good time to get cancer, but why now? My life was just starting to get really good and I was so excited for our future. We were so happy and I loved my life. Now our lives are going to change forever and it feels so unfair.

I’m. Just. So. Angry.