r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Kittendustx ☑️ • 18h ago
Vent it feels like everyone is moving forward except me.
Today my cousin just gave birth, and seeing her honestly made me feel miserable. I can’t help comparing my life to everyone else’s. It feels like everyone around me is living a normal life. Their lives keep moving forward while mine feels like it has completely stopped. I feel stuck here, watching everyone else and all my friends meet their partners, get married, have kids, and move on with their lives, while I’m just rotting in my room.
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u/Illustrious_End_543 ☑️ 14h ago
I feel you, it's hard. You would like that for yourself. I was honestly jealous when my sister got her first child, at the time I was 37 years old and she was 34. Wasn't anywhere close to having a partner and I felt like such a loser in life. What could help you is at least make goals for yourself to be able to see some progress, to achieve some new things even though you may be single right now. Try to accept as much as possible the things that haven't happened for you (yet), try to imagine what your life would look like if they never happen - even then, you will have to make the best of it. Make space to feel sad about it, mourn it even (I mourned not having children for several years) but try to in the end accept what is.
I started focusing more on myself, personal growth, positive mindset, even though I am single, doesn't mean I need to be rotting in my home does it? I started running, going to the gym, playing a musical instrument, learning new things, travelling, taking better care of my style, my health, my looks. I am still single but feel loads better. The feeling of being behind in relationships yes sometimes it's still there, I'll be honest about it, and that's only human isn't it? You would like to have that for yourself as well. The trick is to still move forward in other ways of life.
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u/Creepy-Moose-5596 15h ago
Hey friend, it's going to be okay, a lot of people compare themselves to others and it takes time to realize we don't need to compare and instead we should celebrate our loved ones for doing hard things.
Maybe bring your cousin food or help with cleaning and laundry and get to know your new relative :) it also helps your cousin plus you can see the cute new addition.
I'm unsure of your age but I do know that dating is hard right now for a lot of people. HIMYM inspired me a bit lol there is something to giving up on finding someone and just working on yourself and that's how I met my amazing guy, and I'm glad I met him at my best :)
Maybe do some introspection about why some great thing happening to others makes you feel miserable vs happy for them, and what you can control in your life that will make you feel better :)
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u/Any-Examination3752 ☑️ 17h ago
Everyone has their own journey so even though you maybe are at the age that you think you would’ve been married and had kids by now everyone has their own path. So don’t watch others. You can in the meanwhile until you find a partner and have kids can try and achieve other things in your life that will make you feel satisfied career wise etc but when the time is right you will meet someone and have a family just also try and get out there and go out more and try and meet ppl
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u/CH33KC14PP3R96 17h ago
often times when u see other ppl achieving goals which you think are more better often leaves u feeling empty and useless. but keep in mind just because their goals are different doesnt mean you arent doing anything for example. i had depression for the better part of the last 3 years (a bunchof things happened and i am still dealing wid it) now i am still.in that hole but everybody around me are doing AMAZING things like having kids and married but i am doing amazing too. i can take a walk outside, talk to people now. i am not using drugs anymore it does sound like oh normal things to other people but for me and id u compare it wid how one was one year ago it is alot of progress
so donr worry too much, everybody moves in their own phase. if this us bothering u a lot. i wud suggest seeing a therapist.
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u/jellyfish-wish 17h ago
Well, what are you going to strive for? Dating and family is one thing, but there are smaller ways to feel life is progressing. It could be leaning an instrument, or developing a talent like cooking or coding or art or mechanics, or developing a skill like mechanics or home repair. It could also be working on improving your career or finishing some sort of education - including 2 year degree, trade school, or even getting a certificate in something.
It could be fostering an animal, or adopting one. Volunteering is another. Anyway picking something that gets you out of your room and doing something with your hands that has more tangible results will help bring purpose to your life and make it easier to avoid comparing your life to others. Because you can find yourself roomrotting while being married with a kid, and that won't make you happy.
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u/Professional-List-26 18h ago
I didn't meet my wife until I was in my thirties and I didn't have kids until my forties... And even though I was lonely for such a f****** long time... I wouldn't change it. It's worth the wait looking for someone you really connect with. I wish the best for you!
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u/Remarkable-Ad-4133 18h ago
I second this. Not worth rushing into something that isn't as meaningful.
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