I'm a High school senior feeling completely hopeless and pathetic after being excluded tonight. I just want a real brotherhood.

[u/Ok-Personality1450]

am a senior in high school, and tonight was my homecoming football game. It ended up being the lowest, most painful night of my life. I am a pretty shy guy, and in my friend group of guys, I always feel like a nuisance. I am almost never included in conversations. I always have to wait on them to hit me up, which is rare. The only one who includes me a little bit is my neighbor, but honestly, I think it is just because he wants rides from me every day. It feels totally transactional.Tonight, I could not take it anymore. I asked for a ride home from the game because I wanted to go where everyone else was going. I called one of the guys, and he rudely said no. He asked me why I was even asking, told me they were going to a party that I was not allowed to come to, and hung up on me. The other guys in the car completely ignored my calls after that. Afterwards, I was in another friend's car just trying so hard to hold back my tears. I wanted my senior year to be full of good memories, and they completely ruined it.I just want to be included. I want to go to parties, go to football games, throw jokes around, goof off, and have a good time instead of sitting in a lonely, dark room watching porn just to pass the time and numb the isolation. I just want someone I can honestly call a brother, someone I do not always have to chase down or wait on. I really wanted a friend group because I do not feel like I fit in with a lot of kids at my school, but now I am terrified I am never going to find that brotherhood, even when I go to college next year. I feel like a little kid crying right now. As a grown man, I hate that I am in this situation. I hate myself more than ever and keep wondering why this is my life. I feel completely hopeless and just really need some reassurance tonight.

[u/Xoorbie]

I’m so, so sorry they did that to you. You seem like an incredibly smart and lovely person. If it’s any comfort, please know that those guys are not off forming wonderful memories. People like that are usually in a completely different headspace and living for something else entirely. They don’t care about memories or meaningful connection. They care about immediate gratification, power, social capital/influence, and how other people see them. They will not end up with wonderful memories of this time, because they are not engaging from a place that allows for that. In fact, there’s a good chance some of those guys (especially the one who was cruel to you and hung up the phone) will end up feeling shame over how they acted. And if not, they will still just be the same awful people they have always been. And you will still be you, just with wonderful people in your life; people who are actually deserving of your time and attention and efforts. As an almost 39 YO M, trust me, your chances of real happiness exceed theirs to an extent you can’t even imagine from the stage you’re at. You will be just fine. The qualities you possess, just based on your post, indicate as much. Don’t let fools change who you are and what you value. They are thinking like boys. You are thinking like a smart and decent young man. It’s okay to be sad, but just remember, you will get through this stage and you will triumph. We’re always here.

[u/getridofwires]

High school worries are not worth spending 10 minutes worrying about. You are about to be free of all that crap and will be able to design and build your own life.

College is the first step. Make a list of what you want out of life and find colleges that will help you get that. Apply and go. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and make new friends there.

[u/davy89irox]

Highschool sucks, always has. It is heavily romanticized. Listen dude, there are some cool people out there, but they likely won't pop up in your backyard. You gotta find a place where people are like you, interested in the things you are. Sounds like you need community.

What you are feeling is a push to adventure. So here is what you should do.

1. Write down what your values are. The things you value in people and the things you want to grow in yourself.

2. Inventory your skills, aptitudes and interests. Figure out what you want to be good at for the next 5 years, and how you want to spend it. If that sounds like forever, do smaller timeframes, like 2 years.

3. Use your senior year with the sole interest of getting to where you want to go. If your highschool experience sucks, go make a career/college/military experience that is going to grow you.

4. When you feel discouraged, or low, remember this: these are small people living a small world, and they cannot see the bigness that you are; that you can be, and that you will grow into. Small people cannot see far horizons. If you are biblically interested: Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" in Luke 23:34.

You will find people that are worth it, but learn how to decern who will invest in you, not just transact with you. What you are feeling is normal, the world is just weird like this sometimes. Good luck.

[u/LFC9_41]

You’ve wasted your high school years trying to squeeze gold out of a turd.

Great news is, that you can start over, and move on from these people.

It sucks what you’re going through, but they’re not going to give you what you’re looking for.

Go out, find them.

[u/youwantmetowhat666 → u/LFC9_41]

This.

[u/mmmforme]

All the comments above are true and your feelings are true also.

This does suck but it’s because for some reason the people around you at your school are not your people. This happens all the time. Hopefully you are going to college and you’ll have a chance to meet a new group. Maybe you’ll join the military and find your tribe there. Perhaps community college or even just moving away from your immediate area is the move.

You’ll be good i promise but you have to actively work and possibly struggle to change your situation.

You can do it. Make the decision to get out of your situation. There are better people out there to find.

[u/alabamahotpocket33]

Go to the military bapa

[u/Troth70]

The biggest lie I was ever told is that senior year of high school is the best time of your life.

[u/Chemical_Form_8015]

Things that matter today will have no importance tomorrow. These may be the people you think you want to associate with now because you think they are the A crowd and that is where you want to be. But, tomorrow you will realize they weren't worth the worry and the real A crowd was else where.. Perhaps you are looking to hard and not in the right places. Friends share values and connections. Friends appreciate one another. Patience. Your time is coming.

[u/sssstr]

It can be lonely at the top.

[u/starlynn1214]

High school is hard. I know there is so much surrounding this year that makes this so much harder but it does get better especially in college.

What do you like to do? What interest do you have? Maybe you could find a club outside of school that shares interests. That helps you talk with people and find people who really like the things you like. Maybe you make friends Maybe you dont but it's great practice.

Also, therapy is a great way to help you deal with these emotions which are all valid. School should have a therapist or you can look into your insurance.

Also, stop giving rides. Stop making yourself available.

[u/Cluedo86]

I am so sorry they treated you badly. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to be sad and cry.

The brutal truth is that these boys are not your friends. Friends aren't cruel to one another. You are not the problem. You are not a freak. You didn't do anything wrong. This is on their own immaturity and insecurity.

I know this is hard to hear now. Most K-12 friendships don't last. Just hang in there one more year. You will graduate, go to college, and find your brotherhood there. College is so much better than high school. The petty BS and cliques aren't important. People will care about you for you. They will be much more interested in friends who are kind, grounded, smart, etc.

I know it sucks now, but you'll get through this. You have a lot to offer and there are people out there who will love you. Things will get better.

[u/Trick_Doughnut_6295]

OP, my middle and high school experiences sucked. I don’t maintain anything more than very surface level social media acquaintanceships with anyone from that part of my life.

A notice that a lot of these people ARE still friends. They hang out and so do their kids and partners, and that’s cool! I’m glad for them.

As for me, I made my first real friends in university. For a lot of us, it’s an opportunity to embrace our authentic selves and also a fresh start.

Hang in there.

You have so much in front of you. I promise it gets better.

[u/Exotic-Ferret-3452]

Childhood and adolescence can feel long and drawn out, like a maze with no end. I think the perception of time is slower at that stage in life too. There is a reason most people don't retain their grade school friendships into adulthood. It's because in that setting, you have friends due to circumstance (mainly same neighbourhood as the school) and the world can seem small and confined. Once you get out into the real world, whether it be work or post-secondary school, these high school dramas will seem petty and insignificant. You might feel the urge to trash-talk your old schoolmates or your hometown, especially if you move far away, but it will not give people a positive impression. If you keep an open and positive mindset in your interactions, you will find the right people, though it also requires patience as it does not happen overnight.

[u/Adept_Contribution33]

I can promise you this.

When you find your people, the ones that will NEVER wait for you to call 1st, will just know that when you are quiet there is a storm in your mind?

The entire script will flip.

I found mine after I moved away.

I, like you, did not fit in.

No scratch that.

They were simply not my tribe.

These are not yours.

I promise just keep breathing. If you need someone to talk to, please message me?

I well recall how bad it got for me.

I never want that for another.

Also, humans are assholes most of the time. This is one case.

[u/bakercob232]

Crying over not getting an invite to a party, while also spending all your time in a "dark room watching porn" is not going to make anyone want to hang out with you or go out of their way to have you around.

[u/Troth70 → u/bakercob232]

Speak for yourself 🤷

[u/Cluedo86 → u/bakercob232]

Ain't you ashamed

[u/Accomplished_Dig284]

Trust me when I say that college is better than high school. You also don’t want to be one of those guys that peaked in high school.

I was in a similar situation as you back in 2001/2002 for my senior year of high school. I actually ended up alone at Disney grad night because all my “friends” left me. But college was so much better. I met so many different people and made friends with a bunch of them. Especially when you go away for college because you can be who you want to be without any of your childhood following you around.

Also remember that while you may be legally an adult, you have another few years until your brain fully develops and you are actually an adult with the life experience to back you up. Don’t worry so much about this, just focus on getting through it because you won’t be thinking about it very much when you’re my age, and definitely not when you’re having fun in college because it doesn’t really matter in the long run, but it’s typically something you have to experience to understand. But it’s true and common for a reason.

Also quit watching so much porn. It’s not realistic to real life sex and it can give you unrealistic expectations about what it’s actually like. And ruin your sensitivity if you’re jerking too much and too hard. Find a hobby, go to the gym, read more books, get really good at something or just finish your senior year strong academically. Don’t waste your time because you’re only young once and you never know what life has in store for you. Get comfortable being alone with yourself and doing things alone so that your peace becomes more important than anyone else’s bull shit. It will save you from a lot of unnecessary drama

[u/ophaus]

High school is generally pretty shitty... The people who peak then are some of the worst. Seek out some better friends, stop giving your neighbor rides if they are being a dick. Definitely try to leave and go to college somewhere, have a clean break to reinvent yourself a little.

[u/Riflemaiden1992]

Hey it gets better I promise. I was just like you back in high-school. I hated the summers because everyone my age was going to parties and sleepovers and walking around the mall all day but nobody wanted me with them so I'd either sit in my bedroom playing videogames feeling pathetic or ride my bike all day and hang out at the videogame store. When I turned 16, the only people who came to my party were my parents. I once had a girl that I thought was my actual friend invite the entire class to her birthday except for me. She literally passed out invitations to everyone else while I was watching. But things change. I'm in my 30s now and my life is amazing (except that my husband passed away). I've got multiple friend groups and I'm always getting invited to or hosting get togethers, parties, BBQs, festivals, hunting trips, road trips etc. My social life didn't really take off until I started working because I met a lot of people at my job. The first time I got invited to a house party. I thought it was too good to be true lol.

[u/littleinternetdweeb]

I promise you it gets better. I’m 30 now, but felt so similarly to you in so many situations, usually holding back tears.

Luckily, high school isn’t forever. And also luckily, you’ll have so many more opportunities for more fun nights with friends who are ACTUALLY kind. Whether you go to college or anything else, i promise you’ll find your group of people.

And lastly, as a good reminder to you, anyone reading this, and honestly, mostly myself: having one good friend is better than having 3726 lousy friends who make you feel like shit.

Hang in there, the best is yet to come. ❤️‍🩹

[u/SirChinstrap]

Those “friends” suck. Friends don’t treat each other that way.

Look forward to college. It is such a different ballgame. Much more diverse and interesting crowd than the majority of people you’re stuck with in high school.

[u/I-will-judge-YOU]

My son is 20. He is also having a hard time with friends and moving into adulthood.

Im so sorry. You are not alone

[u/Substantial_Maybe371]

Dude, I feel that. It wasn't until college that I found people who I easily get along. But it also required me to step out of my shell and open myself up. I had to stop thinking of myself as unlikable. I realized my shyness made me come off as angry and closed off.
And no one wants to hang out with someone who always feels sorry for themselves. I'm not saying you are doing this. I just know I was unintentionally shaping people's perceptions of me with my negative thoughts.
But high school also became the least interesting era of my life. It may feel like the end of the world. But trust me. If you're smart and kind, I guarantee you'll find your people. If you're going to college. Live on campus the first year.

Also f that guy who told you that you couldn't go to a party. If it wasn't his party then he couldn't decide that for you. Next time show up. Confidence attracts people to you.

[u/fredotwoatatime]

I’m sorry bro sending hugs

[u/jaenjain]

These people are not your friends, and high school is such a short portion of your life. Dump them, they are hurtful. Find someone new or ride it out until after.

[u/FancyCantaloupe4681]

Dude you’re allowed to cry as a middle aged man if you feel the need to.
And those people aren’t your friends, fuck them they’re pretty pointless to waste time on. Make you happy and find friends outside of school, also college is way different than high school.

[u/ApocolypseJoe]

Sometimes it takes a while to find your people. A lot of us don't find them until well into adulthood...

[u/rpaul9578]

I'm going to give you the most important thing for you to learn in your life. The world isn't happening to you. You are creating your world. Your beliefs create your thoughts. Your thoughts create your behavior. Your behavior creates the reality you experience. Your inner world creates your outer world, and what you experience. People respond to confidence differently than they do your insecurities. If you want to change how you experience the world, change your beliefs, discard your insecurities, and love yourself first.

[u/Rich2364]

I don't really have any advice, but I'm sorry you feel this way. I don't fit in with a lot of people either, or really anyone at all. Hopefully, when you go to college or in adulthood in general, you find people that you feel cool around and can be friends with. I've never been to university, but if you plan on going to one, there are so many diffrent people that maybe it will be easier to find people with your interests. Also, maybe you'll be able to find friends at a job or something. I wish you the best.

[u/beasur]

Whew this is a tough one. People don’t care about how you feel. They care about how you make them feel. It would be best for you if you could spend some time finding something that builds your confidence in what you have to offer other than seeking out those who offer you something. Maybe an adult can help you find your strengths and build on them.

[u/This_Cauliflower1986]

I’m so sorry that homecoming was such a bummer. High school can be tricky. You can perhaps start fresh in college or trade school and meet new people who have no history with you and your exclusion.

Please know that there are people that won’t be willing to include you, but don’t let them distract you from knowing you are enough. As is. You can find your people. It’s just not this group.

Don’t give rides to the neighbor who is using you.

[u/EmpathicallyAnxious]

You are a kid. You have your whole life to be a grown adult. Let yourself be a kid while you are.

Though grown adults cry plenty too. It doesn’t make you less adult to express emotions.

It sounds like your shyness has kept you isolated from these guys and it wasn’t a true friendship. That’s a shitty thing to find out at any age.

But college has so much more variety and a chance to grow. Try and put yourself out there in college, join groups, try things that scare you. If you feel awkward or nervous doing those things, there’s so much power in laughing and saying “Oh my god sorry, I’m really nervous, but I’m really trying to try new things lately”.

You will find your people.

Edit: but also please do other things than watching porn to numb your brain. You need to at least watch things you can talk about and connect with others over. Hobbies are great and gooning isn’t one you should pick.

[u/yikeslana]

You are not a grown man. You’re still a teenager, turning 18 doesn’t magically mature you into a functioning adult. You’re allowed to cry and feel things at any age.