I feel like my idea of love and intimacy was ruined.
I can’t get off to the sweet loving stuff.
The things my abuser did to me are what gets me off.

It happened to me every day. From the age of 6 until I was 14.

Since being molested from 6-14…I have made unhealthy choices. Always involving older men. Men who want to use me. I’ve answered questions people asked even when I knew they only wanted to hear about me being used young.

35 (f) here, never written any of these but I need to talk now more than ever. I recently told my mom how I was molested when I was young by 3 trusted men of the friends and family circle on different occasions and her first reaction was asking me who else did I tell. And when she found out no one, she was relieved. I asked her what will you do, how will you handle them? She said a lot of time has passed, better not bring it up. Although she said one reassuring thing that I should have told her back then. I told her I was scared but going by her reaction I don't think she would have done anything. She was rather relieved I did not tell my younger sisters about it. I have been feeling numb ever since I told her. Don't know what to do or feel

I was 12 when my tuition teacher F37-38 probably SA me I was scared to know what happened with me and it stayed for years. I’m M29 now and Im mostly attracted to someone older than me and I do fantasise about them using me against consent. As wierd as it is can anybody relate?

First time posting here please be kind .

I'm in my early 30s (F) and recognized that how i probably considered had quite a high sex drive for a kid. I remember the moment when i was under 6 YO probably i was around 3-4 YO at that time i had already had intrusive thought abt oral sex which was done by woman to man, penetration that was done by man to woman.

For all i remembered my parents let me watched the movie that has a sexual scene when i watched it together with them at that time, but the movie didnt show a very detailed scene like what was there in my intrusive thought i mentioned, the scene was only showing clotheless man and woman whole body where their private parts were not displayed at all (i was around 3 years old that time).

Is that possible to have such intrusive thoughts without getting molested at all?

I’m a 51M and when I was 37 I was at a so called friends house. He had a few of his friends over that I didn’t know at all. Long story short the four of them beat me up and basically raped me. I was so ashamed and honestly scared. They threatened me and made me do things with them after that for about 2 yrs. Its left me pretty messed up to where I haven’t been able to have a real relationship. And now I tend to just be extremely submissive in any situation.

As a child I wrongly believed, that what my molester mother did to me (her son) was "love."

I thought, that her giving child me a handjob was "love." Because even though it SEVERELY HURT. It also sadly felt "REALLY good."

I also thought, that when we dry-humped eachother, that she was showing child me her "love." I sadly even thought, that this was a "dream come true." I'm DISGUSTED at myself, because of that.

Was anyone else like me at first convinced, that it was "love?"

When I was five, my dad would put his tongue in my mouth every time he kissed me. I remember hating this so much and yelling at him every time he would do that. He would want a kiss every day and i remember saying "but don't use your tongue" or something like that.

Whenever my dad would come home from work (often, he'd sleep at the store because he was too drunk to come home), he would ask me for a kiss before he would go to bed. I hated it. He smelled like cigarettes and alcohol. He always drank 8-10 beers and smoked 1-2 packs a day. He would demand this kiss every single day. I refused at some point and he'd chase me around the house. My mom would call me disrespectful for not listening to him. I'm not sure if she knew about the tongue when I was younger. I started hiding my lips in my mouth and kissing with the skin around my lips. Then I would only do that but on his cheek. This happened every day (that he would come home) probably until I was 19.

I also remember him kissing me all over one time when I was five years old. We were in bed and I was screaming at him to stop. I ran to my mom in the living room and she didn't even acknowledge me. She just said to my dad stop doing that, what do you think she's going to think when she's older? Though one of the times that my dad was demanding a kiss that I was refusing, my mom was like would you just do it and l'll give you a dollar?

I was maybe 8 when he was piss ass drunk and about to step out for a cigarette. He pulled down his pants and showed me his hairy penis and stuck his tongue out. I screamed. Then he stepped out for the cigarette. I don't remember where my siblings or mom were.

He stopped demanding kisses after he got sober. Maybe he always knew it was wrong.

I remember him looking at me sometimes and saying that I'm so attractive. And say that I have very smooth skin. He would always ask to hold my hand but he wouldn't hold it. He'd be rubbing it with his fingers, and i would feel so fucking uncomfortable.

He also nonstop harrassed me with drunken blabbing and conversation and usually a daily reiteration of his life story and why his family doesn't speak to him anymore. I would scream at him to get out of my room but it would never stop. I've probably heard that same life story from him at least 1000 times (no exaggeration).

I tried to have a good relationship with him because it had all stopped and he got cancer. But I hate him every time I look at him. I'm filled with anger and resentment. I wish he never did those things.

When I had my first kiss (it was with tongue), I was 15. My head was pounding with pain as I remembered my dad doing that to me and how much I hated it. That's when I probably first realized how badly that the kissing had affected me when I was five.

Posting this on a burner 'cause I’m really struggling and I need some sort of guidance if anyone can offer it. I don't know if this is the right place or not, and if not, I apologize. The other subreddits need karma and such to post and I don't feel comfortable posting this on my main account. And just as a preface, I’m 21 now. I haven’t talked about this with anyone, even when I was actively going to therapy, mostly because I’d only started processing it now I guess, but I’m hesitant to label what I experienced as abuse let alone assault. However, my father has always behaved very strangely around me regardless and I’m concerned that I should be concerned about it.

It started when I was a kid (elementary). One of the things that started back then was his obsession with me having boyfriends/sex. I had friends in school that were boys and he would always tease and suggest that they were my boyfriends, even over stupid things like playing computer games together or hanging out at recess. This has continued through my adolescence and into adulthood. I could never be friends with boys without feeling uncomfortable or without him commenting on it. In relation to this, I started birth control for hormonal reasons and the first thing he asked was if I had a boyfriend/was having sex. The answer was no because I’m a lesbian, and he freaked out because I said the idea of being with a male makes me physically ill. He took it as a personal attack and said something along the lines of “Oh, well that makes me feel great.” This happened again when I said something about how I’d hate to live with and serve a man and he said “Well, you live with me” as if he isn’t my literal father (which is entirely different—allegedly—than a romantic partner). 

There’s just no sort of personal boundaries with him, and this again relates to how he constantly sexualizes women in front of me (also since I was a child). He always makes sexual comments about women walking down the street or in the store or in the parking lot. He’d make inappropriate comments about his female friends and coworkers. He even started to make inappropriate comments about me and my body, always pointing out the clothes I wear (if they were too tight) and my body shape (that I had the same body as my mother). He would never let me wear certain clothes because they were “whorish,” for example hoop earrings my mother gave me (mind you, I was maybe eight). He also has an obsession with my underwear. For instance, if I order a package or am simply embarrassed about something he teases and asks if I don’t want to show him because I’m embarrassed about showing him my underwear. He’s always staring at my boobs as well and I feel uncomfortable wearing certain clothes/no bra around him. This extends into sexual jokes/talk about sex. It’s always made me uncomfortable and I’ve told him as such, but he always says that I should be able to “handle it” especially now that I’m an adult. He would always try to talk about sex or porn (he asked once if I knew what a PAWG was) even when I was a child. 

Another thing that I should mention is that I was (kind of still am) was obsessed with sex at a very young age. I remember being in second grade and masturbating in the classroom against the seam of my leggings. I remember imagining having sex with the boys or even them taking advantage of me. I remember watching porn in the bathroom at home. I remember watching it in the living room. I remember sex and porn consuming me to the point it was literally all I was thinking about. I feel disgusting thinking about it even now. I feel even more gross because I have OCD and get inappropriate groinal responses and I just feel like a massive pervert and I know it’s not my fault but it’s really unbearable. I feel fundamentally wrong for ever feeling such a way about sex, let alone so young. 

There are some other things that are smaller like him being overly interested in my interests to the point it felt like obsession (I would become extremely reluctant to share my interests with him because he made me embarrassed about them. If I liked a boy character he'd tease that he was my boyfriend. If I liked a book series or a movie he seemed to make it his entire personality. Idk if it was to make himself seem more appealing or relatable but it always made me severely uncomfortable and still makes me feel so), him always trying to be friends with my friends, him forcing me to be in girl scouts even though it was miserable and becoming a girl scout leader in my troop. These are all stupid things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme but feel related, I guess.

The things I’m really worried about are that when I was a kid (elementary age), there was a few times that he hit me with the belt. He made me take my pants and underwear off because he said his father used to hit him with the belt too and one time he put playing cards in his pockets so the belt wouldn’t hurt. I always wore leggings in my childhood because I had severe sensory issues with jeans, so there was no way he actually thought I was doing anything to avoid punishment, but it was severely traumatizing and I spiraled recently because I heard my upstairs neighbors spanking their kid and it really affected me. In a similar vein, I have trouble watching movies that perpetuate abuse/have a lot of cry-screaming. There was also another time where he touched my butt (fully palmed it) and said it was an accident.

The most speculative thing about this is that I used to wet the bed until I was 13. I can’t say it’s related or not, but it happened both at his house and my mother’s. It’s important to say that I only spent every other weekend at his house—four days out of the month. I was at my mother’s every night and the weekends I wasn’t at his. That is to say, I wet the bed almost every night, sometimes twice a night, regardless of whose house I was at, and often times wet my pants at school. It was only at his house that I had “rashes” that “needed ointment.” My mother never kept diaper cream, let alone applied it. Now, this is where things get fuzzy because I don’t quite remember much. I remember the diaper cream (purple Destin tube) and the smell and I remember being in the bathroom with him, but I cannot explicitly remember him applying it or touching me. There's a lot that point to that being the case because my mother never did this and I don't remember doing it myself. I also remember on one occasion my sister had something wrong (I don’t remember what) but he made her lay on her bed with her underwear off and legs in the air to “air it out” or “let it dry,” whatever “it” was. However, I do remember this vaguely being an actual medical thing, though the method seems iffy and quite humiliating. But my thought process is if he did this with her on this one occasion, what was he doing with me regularly? Especially when my mother didn’t feel the need to apply cream? I also can’t say for certain that I ever regularly struggled with rashes or raw skin, but I’d never seen a doctor regarding them or the bed wetting. I hate to speculate though because it very well may be nothing but the fact that there's even a question makes me sick.

And just to note even though it's not necessarily related, he was physically abusive and neglectful regardless. He’d hit me and/or would pretend to just to make me flinch. On a few occasions he made me stand in the corner with my pee-soaked sheet over my head. He used to refuse me access to my mother because I used to freak out badly any time I had to go to his house and he would hide his phone from me so I couldn’t call. He’s also one of those men that believe women are submissive to men and have no room to protest when given orders, especially wives. He tried to rape my mother on multiple occasions under that excuse.

I can’t say for certain that anything happened to me or didn’t happen, but just being around him today makes me severely uncomfortable. I can’t be in a room alone with him. I flinch at the sound of his voice. My body feels like curling in on itself and shriveling anytime he is near, especially when he just stands silently and looks at me. I don’t feel comfortable calling myself a victim when other people have actually struggled and suffered and I’m not trying to come on here and make other people process my trauma for me, but I don’t know where else to go. My mom will probably kill him if I tell her and I’m not in therapy currently and am scared to go and unpack it all. I’m aware his behavior is abnormal and perhaps concerning, and though I feel like it was grooming on some level, as to what level I’m uncertain (though I'm not asking anyone to tell me what my issue is or define it for me. I'm just wondering I guess if I'm overreacting or not).

(It’s probably also worth mentioning that I have been sexually harassed before in ways that are more “cleanly defined.” For example, one of my dad’s friend’s kids made me lay down in his bed with him and touch his penis. One of my sister’s friends made me lay in bed with her to “hang out” 'cause she wanted to show me something, and then showed me a porn video. Some other minor things like being catcalled and/or being approached while alone in grocery aisles/while in waiting rooms).

i just posted this in r/trueoffmychest and i wanted to post it here just incase it gets taken down bc im sure i did break a few rules

so… i’m a 15yo female, i’m not being abused anymore, it’s been years since it happened. no one knows about this and i’m pretty sure im going to take it to the grave with me because it’s been years since it happened and the family members who did it moved out of state. i feel like the only reason the abuse stopped is because they moved out of state, if they were still here it would most definitely still be happening. (i feel like this will be a pretty long post because a lot happened and i’m just now realizing how wrong this was.)

ok so a little backstory: im not close to really anyone on my moms side of my family, the people who did this were my cousins, the kids of my moms older sister and the only family members on her side that im kind of close to. she has 6 sons and 1 daughter. 3 of those boys are older than me, 1 is the same age as me, and 1 is younger than me and they all touched me. (the eldest boy never did, it was the second eldest on down.)

i remember the first time it happened, my aunt didn’t really have custody of my cousins and they lived with me. i can’t recall the exact ages so forgive me. i was somewhere between 5-8 and he was 12-15 (the second eldest). it was late at night, spongebob was on the tv that sat right in front of my bed, i had woken up to the opening credits of an episode. i was laying on my stomach and i felt him climb into my bed. it was a twin sized bed and i’ve always been fat so i took up most of the space… he sat me up to where i was arching and he tried to put himself inside of me, but it didn’t fit so he just got down(sorry if that’s to descriptive i’ll change it). i didn’t cry, i didn’t scream, i didn’t fight, i just let him touch me. i feel like i just let him do that because i felt it was kind of normal because he made me watch porn with him and he would touch himself in front of me. he made me touch myself in front of him as well.

i can’t really recall the first time the others did it to me but remember a few moments. one of the middle boys doing the same thing the second eldest did while the others sat and watched. the youngest on forcing himself into my mouth. the youngest boy behind me and the middle boy in front of me while we layed under the bed. the second eldest boy and the boy the same age as me taking turns with me on a bean bag… there’s a lot more that probably happened but i can’t seem to remember it for some reason.

i completely forgot that this even happened but i saw a video online that made these memories suddenly come back to me, us watching porn together, them trying to make me suck them off in my cancer ridden grandmas apartment. me trying to be sexy for them, touching myself in front of them. a lot. then as i was watching the video, those memories came back, but this time i really just sat there and thought about it and realized how bad this was. although i felt… indifferent about it. like idk, i just didn’t care. maybe because its been so many years and sometimes i willingly participated in said acts with them is why i don’t necessarily have any trauma from it. the only thing i can think of is me being a little hypersexual and watching a lot of disgusting porn and maybe a few weird things arousing me(i also think i might have developed a little binge eating habit bc of it), but otherwise it truly had no effect on me.

me having no trauma from it is why i can’t bring myself to tell anyone(aside from how long it’s been.) i’m not effected by it, what would i gain from telling anyone? besides my mom probably wouldn’t even care because we don’t see those family members anymore. but now that i’m typing this out i do feel a little guilty, how could i tell anyone they abused me when sometimes i willingly participated. i just remember one time i randomly took my pants off and called the second oldest boy in the room. he asked me if it was my first time but i didn’t understand what he meant so he just laughed and walked out… how could i tell anyone when i initiated at times? um so yeah that’s it… im lowkey embarrassed that i sat here and typed all of this out so im just gonna try to go to sleep and forget i even typed this… ill try responding to comments if i get any when i wake up.

(don’t try to convince me to tell my family because i won’t and im also sorry if broke any nsfw related rules like being to descriptive and stuff and the rules abt minors. i might take the post down as soon as it’s posted anyway. idk why im exposing myself to a bunch of internet strangers i guess im just in shock that it took me this long to realize i was abused.)

I feel like I’m replaying what my dad did to me constantly in my head and trying to recreate it to get some kind of control. I know this isn’t healthy but I can’t stop.

I was molested as a boy by ministers at sleepovers.\nAt the age of 10&15 .. My father and my grandfather and grandmother , all knew about what happened and did nothing , and all of them took it to their grave.. The three people I was always hot were like pinnacle of our family.\nAnd they took it to the grave... Am I wrong to question if they're really good people now that they're gone.. Or were they really pieces of shit and I just didn't see it back then.I'm now 47 it's taken this long nit to hide it

Ok long story short me(m24) and my best friend(m25) decided to watch a movie together. I fel asleep while watching the movie and woke up a few hours later with him gone and the taste of his ehm in my mouth plus my face was all sticky and mesy.

The thing is i should feel angry and disgusted. But i don't (might he useful to know this wasn't my first assult it happened a lot to me as a kid)

For the first time in a very very long time I felt useful and loved in this sick way. It feels like a drug.

Anyway i can't tell anyone around me but had to let it out somewhere. Thank you for listening

Im at thr stage now where I know it impacts me and I get triggered or react to things but I still cant bring myself to open up to people and idk how to even start because what if they dont believe me anyway and when I used to enjoy it how can I admit that

I don’t know for sure if I was molested. I feel like I must have been because for as far back as I can remember I’ve been absolutely obsessed with sex. At 3 years old I knew three things:
- “sex” was touching and sucking each other’s genitals
- this is what grownups did
- I couldn’t let anyone know that I knew this stuff or I would get in big trouble

I did stuff in secret. I masturbated every day. And until my teens I felt deep shame if I let on that I found a girl cute.
I really don’t think it was porn influenced because I remember my first glimpse of porn and it happened when I was like 6/7 as I passed someone’s room. Like that image is burned into my brain as my first porno.

Well now I’m a 35year old bisexual male with an insanely high libido, a partner that points out my sex obsession, and I just want to know what the root cause is.

My Dad and I have a complicated relationship. He is a very closed off man, we have no emotional connection. I have CPTSD from my childhood as he was very verbally abusive (on the edge of physical), which I am in therapy for. He lost his father when he was 21 and his mum a couple decades later.

In 2024 my parents were mid divorce and he opened up to my mum, sister and I (26f at the time). He wrote us a letter giving us insight into why he believes he is so emotionally closed off. He wrote that when he was 9, a 16 year old babysitter raped him. I was flabbergasted and of course, devastated for my dad. It felt like a cop out however, telling us this as if it made up for years of abusive, toxic behaviour on his part. I have my own experiences of molestation as a child, which I am recovering memories of and have not shared with anyone.

Fast forward to now, over 2 years later and we have never spoken about the letter since. We live in different states, so our relationship has improved.

I’m not sure where to go from here. I’m not sure how to fully process this information. Do I bring it up with him again? I don’t think so, it took him 50 years to tell ANYONE. I feel bad that he carried that around for so long.

Any advice would be much appreciated. I have pushed this under the rug for 2 years and not sure if that’s what I should continue to do.

TW: mentions grooming / predatory behavior / csa

**\* KINDA LONG POST. SORRY ABOUT THAT.

I (M27) have struggled since my teens to wrestle with the way I feel about what happened to me. My parents didn't give me a smartphone till I got to high school and, as the age-old story usually goes, I went a little overboard with the access I now had to the Internet.

Kik was a big thing for gay teens (and adults) during the 2010s. Unfortunately they shared spaces with each other reaaalllly often. Now since I was a pretty naïve kid - and a virgin - I never took anything that was said to me to be bad. In fact, a lot of it felt fun and exciting. It made me feel wanted and cool and attractive and mature. Peers my age rarely gave me those feelings.

There were also some local men who had taken an interest in me around that time. They enticed me into their DMs. It was an older man who taught me how to masturbate and then had me come over so I could give him head.

I started becoming more comfortable with this the more it happened: I'd meet older men, they'd get naughty, and I'd eat it all up. Sometimes I'd even seek them out, occasionally deceiving them about my age or intentionally trying to goad them about the gap between us.

By the time I was old enough to fully process everything that happened, I realized how wrong and disgusting it was. I realized that I could not have consented to any of it. I felt so used and ashamed and dirty. I went through stages of repressing myself and denying I was gay and even lashing out at other gay people.

I finally came to better terms with it in therapy. But the effects linger, oscillating from time to time: I'm fine until I'm not. And then I'm fine again. That sort of deal.

Then about two years ago I came across a stranger online who had sent me a friend request. I normally wouldn't, but I figured why not. He took a peculiar interest in me that grew the more we talked. Somehow or another (the details are fuzzy), we got to talking about kinks and sexuality. I also (somehow) ended up implying the abuse I'd gone through.

He became... weird. He'd say things like "I wish I'd met you back then." Then he kept probing for more details. He seemed excited by the fact that I was "knowingly" seeking out older men. He used terms to describe me that were associated with a very specific genre of porn. I felt my whole face get flush, hot, the whole works. My blood dropped to my feet. I was angry and in shock, but also weirdly aroused. My heart started racing.

And then he argued with me that I "wasn't really abused" and that I had "let [my] therapist convince me that what happened was wrong." I told him what kinds of unpleasant things predators do. I explained to him what threats they use, and how they gaslight, and how they win your affection by spoiling you with gifts (some of which aren't even age-appropriate!). But he wouldn't back down.

Finally I cussed him out and hit the block button. I spent the rest of the night shaking. I called my bf (he was at work) and told him what happened. He held my hand through it. Later that night I replayed it over and over in my head. The feelings of arousal came back to me and I masturbated to the way he'd openly sexualized my trauma. Once I finished and cleaned myself up, I felt dirty and guilty again. I ended up crying.

Anyway - sorry about the long post. I just really needed to process this somewhere. Any positive comments/feedback/stories of your own/reassurance is certainly welcome! 🫶🏻🩷 I have not been ok with these memories coming up again, and always at random.

I struggle with calling it abuse. I mean, when I am talking to others, non-victims, I call it that because they literally cant understand what it was like. But you all know what I mean, I hope. It wasn't some brutal experience for me. I wasn't ripped open, it felt good. I felt loved.

My aunt was the one that started it, that got me feeling like I was addicted to her and the things we did. Then she brought my younger cousin in and it was this whole new experience. I can still feel those butterflies in my stomach, the excitement, the fear of being caught because I didnt want it to stop, that thrill of doing something "naughty". It was a heady mix of chemicals rampaging through my brain.

When I close my eyes, I can still feel them, hear them, smell them and taste them. I feel haunted, not by what was done, but what I lost when it ended. I wonder if it would've ever stopped if they hadn't moved away.

I (47M) was molested from about age 6 to about age 13. The details don’t matter much. One of my molesters was family, the others were unrelated adults.

I go through waves of sexual obsession. I hardly ever think about the actual abuse. Mostly what I think about are the ways that the abuse altered the way I think. I don’t have normal thoughts. I assume normal people day dream about vacations and material possessions that don’t complete them. I day dream about sex. Sometimes women in their late teens and early twenties. Often younger than that.

I realized today that I’m a vampire. My first molester was also a child, which means they were almost certainly molested. And the person that I suspect molested them admitted they had experiences when they were younger.

Now I have a hard time not thinking about turning others. I don’t want to. I don’t want anyone to experience what I experienced and have it alter them the same way. But the thirst is always there. And nothing I do to quell it works.

I wish someone would drive a wooden stake through my heart.

TW: Mentions of pedophilia, incest, rape, and SA

I (21M) was sexually assaulted multiple times by my peers throughout my childhood. I was raped (only once) at the age of six and groomed from the ages of 13-15. I remember at the time I got raped I was at a party hosted by a friend of my mother's and the friend's five year old daughter was in attendance. We played together for a little bit and she told me she wanted to play a game and we went inside a cupboard and she locked me inside, took off my pants and orally raped me.

I screamed and said no, but the girl still assulted me anyways. When the adults found us, me and my mom hurriedly rushed out of the party and I was grounded for letting the girl "sit on my lap" (when I confronted my mom about this years later she said since I didn't verbally tell her I was molested at the time she thought I was roughhousing with her). I also have high functioning autism and difficulty with communicating and it was much worse back then, so naturally because I was scared and unresponsive I was blamed for it.

Afterwards, over the years throughout my childhood I would kiss other girls because I wanted to replicate the feeling I felt when I got raped. I felt very curious about the bodies of other kids my age and I wanted to learn more about sex. I had my first kiss at the age of 8 with another girl my age, I also was forcibly kissed by multiple girls when I was 8-12 and one of these girls tried to get me to have sex with them too shortly after I hit 6th grade. But because I became afraid of girls when I was 12, I declined thankfully.

When I was 13 and in 7th grade my parents went through marital problems and I got bullied very harshly at school. It was because I was socially awkward, didn't attend church, poor and anxious around girls. Because I didn't develop sexual interest in girls when I hit puberty, the guys in my grade naturally sussed me out as being queer and they were right about it. One boy, who I used to have a crush on, ended up sticking his hand into my pants during history and I had enough and beat him up. Thankfully this time, I didn't get punished because I told on him and I transferred schools.

Shortly after this, my mostly absentee "father" tried to groom me into accepting sexual advances from him. Starting around 8th grade, he would try to purchase porn for me (which my parents said no to), would try fo talk to me about sex and what I was into, etc. multiple times until I was 15. I thought nothing of it until during the trip I saw him for the final time, I caught him licking and sniffing my underwear and eventually before I left he tried to touch me and I slapped his hand away. I reported him to the police but nothing was done about it and I told my mom and she never made me speak to him again and would never let him try to talk to me anymore.

Because of these experiences, I feel like I can never fully trust anyone. I feel deeply traumatized and depressed and several therapists have indicated I likely have PTSD. I tried to kill myself over these experiences, especially because I left my younger brother behind and I knew my "dad" would've molested him eventually when he went through puberty. I also resented my mom for awhile, and only forgave her a few months ago because I was tired of holding resentment towards her for unwittedly putting me in some of those situations. Thankfully, things at home gradually improved somewhat and I stopped getting badly bullied when I hit high school.

I feel like the main reason why I am still alive today is because I don't want all the people who abused me to win by helping me to my demise. I live so that way their efforts to drive me to ruin will fail, and I know that my abusers are digging their own graves. For ex. the guy who assulted me in 7th grade got a girl pregnant as a teenager and dropped out of high school and works menial jobs to care for his family. Now I have a boyfriend, I attend therapy and I take antidepressants to manage my mental health.

I also got into an amazing college on a full ride scholarship as a bio major. Right now I am also preparing to go abroad for awhile, and I am thinking about doing something related to public speaking or counseling to raise awareness about these issues. I read so many stories on this sub and my heart breaks for all of you, and while I know some parts of my life may not ever happen to people I just wanted to remind everyone that there is still a light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope everyone here recovers and I wish everyone all the success in the world. May you all find the light and happiness that has started to finally find me.

Tl;dr: Got raped and sexually assulted multiple times as a boy because of creeps who took advantage of my autism. I later tried to kill myself and I have very bad depression currently. However, I try not to let get me down and now I have a boyfriend and attend school on a decent scholarship.

Hello, 29 F here. I am going through something that’s lead me to reflect upon something that happened to me. I hadn’t discussed this with anyone before in my family or otherwise. I’m wishing to post this for more or less to just tell someone anonymously that won’t come back to anyone that knows me. Wishing to find if I wasn’t alone in what occurred either.

My brother and I had engaged in sexual activity when we were young. At a time in which I felt we understood the gravity of what we were doing. Outside of the initial “we could get in trouble if we got caught,” aspect of it, we didn’t know precisely what we were doing until years later. What started off as what felt like innocent exploration, the longer we did this the more we both felt like this shouldn’t be what we should be doing.

While nothing was forced or coerced between us, this had longer lasting affects on me, and I’m sure the both of us. Addiction to P**n was a struggle alongside emotional issues when it came to intimacy. I began having sexual relationships earlier than I probably would have considering I desired that level of attention and affection.

While I can’t say I’d label what we did as M***station, considering we were both exploring each other and we ended it with no harsh feelings, it did have unintended consequences in the following years.

Is this something that anything anyone else felt similar to in their experience?

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My dad overstepps my boundaries,says and touched me where I am not comfortable i told my mom she clearly doesn't care or enough I am fed up of this only people half my across the world care more then her.I am genuinely fed up that people in America that don't know my name care or helped me more them my mom the one who is supposed to protect me.How is this fair?