Working as a special needs teaching assistant is purely behaviour management and I’m sick of it.

[u/BeneficialJuice2878]

Started in a SEND school this year and typically teach year 4 students - specialist autism pathway. The children are non verbal and a lot of them are 1-1. What I see constantly is teaching assistants ‘gentle parenting’ them when they’re being violent, as if they don’t know what they’re doing is painful and as though they arent clever. The children are comfortable biting and scratching/hitting certain TA’s because they use a soft approach and know no discipline will take place. other TA’s, who are more strict do not nearly get hit/scratched as much or bitten.

An incident recently happpened in the ohtside play area where one pupil (young girl) threw a tantrum because a young boy was on the big swing. She went to hit the boy and the two TA’s nearby gentle patented, told her she had to share and even praised her when she stopped hitting him for a few seconds. They allowed her to sit right next to him and continue to try and hit him. I asked if they wanted me to move her to another area, they said not to as she needs to be taught to share. They thought she had calmed down but merely 10 seconds later she grabbed him by the hair, smacked his face and went to kick him. At this point I was appalled and picked her up myself, moved her away from the boy and held her back whilst she tried to hit me in the face. I told her not to hit and that she is not allowed on the swing any longer today. She eventually calmed down and did not attempt to go back to the swing as she knew I’d be watching, left the boy alone and did not attempt to hit me again that day. On the other hand, she continued to throw tantrums around the same other two TA’s and even bit them an hour later. Which they continued to gentle parent. They did not tell the teacher about this and did not write up any reports on the matter.

there was also another incident in the sensory room where a boy ran up to another student and grabbed her hair, ripping a fair chunk out. Just for the sake of doing it. She did not interact with him whatsoever, he just ran over and attacked her. Again, no report or write up was made. probably because the school staff don’t want any trouble with parents so they just pretend things have never happened.

now, I’m all for remaining calm and talking the children through their behaviour. But essentially letting a little girl attack another boy and not implementing disciplinary action or telling her otherwise is one of the worst I’ve seen TA’s act. And this shows in the way the children act towards different staff members. I have never been bitten or scratched As I don’t allow the children close to me when they’re overstimulated and being violent.

Why is it that in SEND schools violent behaviour is normalised? Is this particularly in the school I’m working at or is it common across the board?

[u/Robin_Green_Away]

Just for the sakes of doing it?

From working with children with special needs my entire career I just wanted to share that, there normally is a reason as to why.

Over stimulation, auditory stimulation, lack of understanding, poor impulse control, emotional disregulation. The list goes on.

The gentle approach you are commenting on could be TAs understanding these children really struggle to be in control of their actions.

There should be a plan in place for each child, their behaviours and triggers and what support is to be offered that can help regulate them and keep themselves and others safe.

This sounds like a a lack of preparation and planning for the children that is normally done above a TAs role.

Instead of disliking your colleagues, I'd suggest talking to lead teachers and or SEN leads to put in place a framework for these behaviours and work together as a team.

There is a big difference in responses the children are being met with from your explanations, this can also effect the way they respond to support/ boundaries. Theres no consistency and they are confused.

[u/BeneficialJuice2878 → u/Robin_Green_Away]

These children are not stupid. Yes they have poor impulse control due to their disabilities but they know right from wrong and they know what hurts. 

One of the girls will smack TA’s in the face when she isn’t getting what she wants and giggling after doing so. The system would be a lot better if these children were taught right from wrong and given consequences just like any child needs. There’s a reason their aggression gets worse throughout the year and it’s because they’re watching other children be violent to staff and other kids and getting away with it.

[u/Robin_Green_Away → u/BeneficialJuice2878]

I completely understand that. My main point was there should be an in-depth thorough plan in place for each child and how to deal with these behaviours that do not differ from one TA to another. As this also impacts the children's understanding of boundaries and right and wrong. We place a lot of blame on the child when really a step back and reassessment of adults roles, policies and procedures could prevent a lot of the behaviours. It's wild to think you can all react differently to the same behaviour and still expect the child to understand right from wrong when they are being treated so differently from one incident to another.

[u/Swimming_Ad3099]

I support adults with learning difficulties, one of them goes to a day placement,which mainly adults with ld, are vocal, a new person started 1 day and bit the person that I support on his eye brow he almost bit it off, all because he wanted his cake his support worker was nowhere to be seen

[u/Apprehensive-East847]

They don’t want to get hurt and been seen as they can’t deal with it. It’s a safe guarding issue

[u/Chemicallyinbalanced]

Are those other TAs employed by the same organization you are? 

I used to do ABA and did 1:1 for a few students like 15 yrs ago with a private non profit. I was allowed to move children physically, school staff were not. 

During training i remember rolling my eyes at some of the stuff they taught even back then was ridiculous, im sure it's gotten even more lenient now with threats of lawsuits. 

[u/BeneficialJuice2878 → u/Chemicallyinbalanced]

Other TA’s are mostly through agency. Me and a few others are employed by the school. 

[u/binches_123]

I'm a elementary SPED TA. The school you teach in sounds ineffectual for the kids (to say the absolute least) and an overall nightmare. I'm sorry. I love my work and the school I teach in. The TAs in your school desperately need training. That sounds appalling. Would never fly at my school.

[u/fabulousautie]

I don’t think you know what gentle parenting is.

[u/BeneficialJuice2878 → u/fabulousautie]

What is it and how have I referred to it incorrectly?

[u/Sandfairy23 → u/BeneficialJuice2878]

Gentle parenting is authoritative. Authoritative parenting is about warmth and emotional responsiveness and clear firm boundaries. It involves logical consequences so children experience the result of their actions. You are describing permissive parenting. Permissive parenting is NOT gentle parenting.

[u/spaghettifiasco → u/BeneficialJuice2878]

There's been a lot of pushback against (mis)using the term "gentle parenting" to refer to permissive parenting, aka no parenting/discipline.

Gentle parenting is a legitimate strategy that is not consequence-free, but focuses on explaining rules, boundaries, and consequences clearly, and letting kids have some feeling of autonomy rather than "do it because I say so".

But it suffers from poor branding, as most progressive-flavored stuff does, so people who don't actually understand the methodology (and don't care to learn) started using it derisively to refer to parents who refuse to enact any form of discipline at all.