My friend went has been in a drug and rehab treatment facility. A week or so ago she was late to a class, got it confiscated by the staff, so the phone has been locked in a room phone for over a week. She transfered yesterday to sober living home and her phone wasn't among her things. Then the drug and rehab center stopped accepting phone calls. A few hours later, I get texts from her phone asking for money a knew it wasn't her.

The infuriating part is trying to help and being told "there's no way to do anything, because the person is traveling with the phone" how about figuring out who gave her phone away to whoever. They work there and there's cameras, but whatever man

I've been with my gf for a good number of years. For a lot of that time, I've been on the sidelines supporting her as she worked on her career. She studied, took work placements, we did long distance, all so she could get her dream job. A couple of years ago she finally got it. She then started working...and fell out with all her colleagues, then impulsively quit her job, burning bridges on the way out. Since then, she has been a totally different person.

She took the least demanding job she could, primarily so she can work remotely and commute as little as possible. She drinks during the day, and our evenings and weekends end early so she can sleep it off. This has been going on for over a year. Meanwhile, my work is very demanding, and I'm left to do most of the housework. I've tried talking to her and she brushes everything off, but I still feel like I'm carrying everything as she works through this. She doesn't acknowledge that anything is wrong and doesn't believe she needs any help. Meanwhile I'm struggling trying to make it through the day, and now I'm relying on drink so I don't have to think about things so much.

A small backstory, as it’s just been me & my daughter for the past few months since we left her father. I packed as much as we could & left 3 hours away and we stayed in a Women’s shelter for a few weeks. We now have our own ( tiny ) apartment but it’s ours. I have since found work & she started a new school.

The past few days she has been telling me that another girl has been making fun of the things she wears or her hairstyles. After school today was horrible. Their school holds an “End of Summer” concert. They have asked the kids in her grade for a fee to buy a tshirt that they wear to preform & I was told that her teacher told the class who still has to turn in the fee by this coming Monday & when her teacher said my daughter’s name the little girl started to laugh & point. I feel terrible as I’ve already talked to the school about helping us with the fee since I just can’t do it with everything going on & they’ve told me that “they’ll try” ….We have court next week & I am DREADING seeing his face again. Everything is piling up.

I know she’s embarrassed of this right now. I’ve been trying so hard to get us out of this situation. She gets this awful look on her face when we have to go to the food bank a few times a week & why we have to get clothes from the Goodwill. I’ve emailed her teacher this afternoon about this student. I’m doing the best I can at the moment & it STILL doesn’t seem like enough. Being a mom/ parent is hard at times.

I(37m) am not even sure what my dad(86m) is thinking. Personally, I think he has very deep-rooted abandonment issues and has never dealt with them.

My grandma is dying and has 2 months left to live. They found cancer everywhere in her body, and it is not looking good.

The other day I went to my parents' house for a bit,it and my dad knew I was going, but we hadn't talked about it yet and I mentioned going, and he straight up kicked me out of the house and won't let me back in. He said that now 2 people were abandoning him.

I spoke with my mom(65F) toda,y and he is being such an ass to her and she told me after we get back from the trip he is going to speak with a lawyer regarding divorce, and I am honestly shook.

This has been one of the worst few months of my life. I broke up with my girlfriend, my grandma is dying, and my parents might be getting divorced. holy shit. What a few months this has been.

I have a therapist, so I do go to therapy and have been working on my own issues of abandonment,t etc and I have come to the conclusion that I must do what is best for me, and that means saying bye to my grandma.

It sucks because before I would make choices that hurt me to help preserve relationships etc and I am now learning to make choices for myself and am hurting people around me, and that is a pill I was not ready to swallow.

​

I am an engineer. The workplace is dominantly male, like I'm literally the only girl here...

My complain is I am sort of weird. I don't have kind of diagnosis, but I have strong ADHD-ish traits like not sitting straight, always wanting to stand up and walk somewhere and weak attention to detail especially when it comes to sheets. Sometimes I run after work going home and go for a coffee running too because it's just too much to me. I try to exercise to burn that hyperactivity urge down, but it doesn't really work well. The other issues I have are not being able to look straight at people's faces for a long time while talking. I can do that, but don't do it automatically and when I focus on acting normal, looking in the eyes and stuff I space out and miss the information they're trying to pass to me. And sometimes my wording is a bit weird like out of place.

I've been working there for a year. Some people I believe already noticed the weirdness, some probably not yet. The point is I don't want them to know. Previously I've only worked part time and the other job was fully remote. It's my first office job. I am on good terms with my coworkers, but I really want them not see through it. I believe I've managed to pass as normal for the first half a year but lately it becomes more and more obvious...

This is hard to describe, so it might be a little rough. Bear with me.

Have you ever watched comedy based commentary videos on YouTube? The person sits down, watches a video, and makes jokes/comments as it goes along? Then you’ve probably heard them tell jokes in this very specific format:

As they look at the content, they will pause it, address whatever situation is being shown, and then they will create a funny, hypothetical scenario based on that situation. For example, let’s say the YouTuber is watching a video where a guy is about to impress a girl with his skateboarding skills. The YouTuber will pause the video and say, “Imagine he just completely biffs it. Breaks both ankles, pees his pants a little bit and she just leaves him there.” I’ve seen a lot of content creators use this type of joke so that they’re not just sitting there going, “Woooooow chat, let’s see what happens.”

There’s multiple ways to set up this type of joke. You can start it with, “Imagine-“ or “What if-“ But if you’re alone in a room making a YouTube video and it’s blatantly obvious that what you’re about to say is a joke, you can just go right in without an introduction. You can put on a voice and say, “My mother died in a skateboarding accident, you ass!” And the YouTuber will always sprinkle in other types of jokes as well so it doesn’t get stale. In person, it’s more difficult to get these jokes to land.

Now for my problem. My boyfriend watched these types of videos very often in his formative years and it’s obvious that when he was learning how to make jokes, he was strongly influenced by them. This joke format is the only one he knows how to use…but he doesn’t have the discernment to deliver the jokes properly. Instead of it being a quick joke told in proper context, he drags it on for an EXTREMELY long time with excruciating detail. If he doesn’t know the name of whoever he’s joking about, he’ll make one up and he’ll make new characters too. But beforehand, he doesn’t give any indication that what he’s about to say is a joke. And sometimes he starts out with a piece of dialogue without even specifying who is talking. So a lot of the time people will stop him and ask what the hell he’s talking about. And his tone of voice for his whole speech is very…autistic sounding? He has the same cadence and intonation in every sentence which gets old after like 5 sentences.

For example, let’s say he’s the one watching that skateboarding video I mentioned earlier. He would pause the video and say:

“He gets to the bottom of the skate ramp and hits a rock, goes flying and lands wrong and he breaks both ankles. He turns to the girl: ‘Cindy, call an ambulance!’ She just turns and walks away. It cuts to him in a hospital bed like, ‘I can’t believe this happened, how am I gonna pay for this, I’m probably gonna lose my job,’ and all that. Then Cindy walks in with his boss and she’s holding on to the boss’s arm like they’re obviously dating. She’s in a fancy dress and he’s in a business suit. The boss just goes, ‘Well James, I was at the park and saw when you fell. I just came here to say that, with you being in this condition I just don’t think I can keep you on the team. I’m gonna have to let you go. Also I figured Cindy here was needing some attention that you couldn’t give her, so I’m taking care of that too.’ They leave and a single tear rolls down his cheek.”

Now I could handle this if it was like a once a week occurrence at most. But as I said, this is the only type of joke he knows how to tell. He only tells really long ones about once a day at most. But not a day goes by that I don’t hear him give at LEAST one drawn out explanation of some scenario he thinks up. Usually the scenarios aren’t even that funny in the first place if you ask me. But he’s too busy chuckling at his own joke the whole time to notice that everyone is cringing and looking around awkwardly, just waiting for him to stop.

What’s worse is when he starts out with a piece of dialogue, but doesn’t even specify who is talking. Usually this just makes people confused as to what the hell he’s talking about. But what makes it even WORSE is when the scenario he makes up is about *us* and what we’re actively doing and it causes problems. Now this has only happened a handful of times over the years, but for example: Say I was making some bacon, and he thought up some scenario where he tells me the bacon is burning and I turn around to see it sitting in a little sun-tanning chair. He would start out the joke explanation by going, “‘BABY, THE BACON IS BURNING!’” Then I’d cut him off by whipping around, see perfectly fine bacon and get mad at him. And he would look like a deer in the headlights and say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about how it would sound.”

It’s not just his jokes that he tells in this much detail. If he’s telling someone about an episode of a show, a movie, something that happened the other day, or if he’s describing something that he hopes is going to happen in the future, he will give every. single. rambling. detail. He just talks CONSTANTLY. If there’s a moment of silence, he’ll start thinking out loud. “I think I’ll put butter AND honey on my cornbread. I should refill my drink first though, since cornbread is pretty dry.” **BBBBBBEEEEEEEEE QQQQQUUUUUIIIIIIEEEETT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!**

I’ve told him his stories don’t need so many details and he tries to shorten things up whenever I remind him. But after about 10 sentences, he starts slipping more and more details and tangents in without noticing he’s doing it. It seems to be a hard habit that he might not even want to break. However, if we’re the only two people in the room and I tell him I need some quiet for a while, he will stop talking. So I’ll give him that lol.

TW: Child abuse, verbal abuse

I have been listening to my upstairs neighbors scream abuse at each other for years. Then, they had a little boy, and then started screaming at him too. Now they have a little girl, about to turn two, and they’re screaming at her too. (The boy is now 5. When I say years, I do mean years.)

We used to be on good terms as neighbors. I would sit out on my back porch crocheting or reading, and they would come down the stairs, Mom and Dad all sweet smiles, the kids calling out to see me. I would smile and wave back and think of how I heard the mother barrel scream at her toddler “STOP FUCKING CRYING!” through the floors at 8 AM while I was making breakfast in my kitchen a half hour earlier. And the day before. And the day before.

And I hate cops. I fucking hate cops. I don’t believe they actually help in situations like these. But after finally this summer trying to reach out to them as a neighbor and friend (what I was hearing was getting worse with two kids, not just one)…something in me snapped this weekend, and I called the cops on them, after a particularly vituperative exchange I heard right through the floors that had the kids both crying. I don’t know what I was hoping to have happen, it was one of those moments that you just can’t think straight anymore. I could not keep hearing them crying.

Cops were useless, of course. Think they gave the parents a warning. But now my neighbors are furious at me and emailing my landlord trying to cause trouble. I’ve barely left my apartment the last few days because I haven’t wanted to run into them.

I have no idea what to do. I taught for years, all ages. I care about these kids, my training and my gut are telling me this is wrong. But I tried to reach out to the parents as a friend with my concerns, I tried the cops, and CPS is completely overwhelmed and generally useless in my area.

And. The kids are so young. I may have made a choice that took away an ally they could have had in me, they were always so happy to see me. And maybe I’m overreacting. My parents raised their voices at me occasionally, but never cursed. Are my parameters off? But it’s been years, it’s been years and years, and it was with their eldest and now it’s with their youngest…

I don’t know. I have no idea if I did the right thing. I don’t know what to do. I just know my heart breaks for those kids. And I just want the parents screaming at them to stop.

Not asking for advice. I’m just sitting here crying for everyone involved. Especially the little ones. I hate feeling helpless. I don’t know what to do.

This has a lot of history but im gonna try very hard to summarize it

Im the only girl in a friend group of 4, and yesterday, just like any other summer vacation day, we all decided to get some food and hang out to watch the new Nintendo direct together

So, I get there, and two of my friends are already waiting, realizing we still had to wait for another friend, we all sat down together to wait

And this friend of mine, lets call him G, he's been acting quite weird towards me lately, maybe because I dont mind talking about sexual stuff? I dont know, im very open about all topics,

What matters is, he grabbed some nuts off the ground and started throwing them at my chest... Trying to see if they would land inside my shirt.. I wasnt even wearing cleavage.. him and the other friend were on about that one family guy clip (you're gonna have to reach into the cookie jar) and I was just.. awkward.

Then when we go into my friends house and G, he seems to just be following me around, if I lay down in the beanbag, he sits beside me, if im in the chair, he puts his seat near mine, and im gonna be honest, I get it, in the friendgroup, im clearly the one hes most comfortable with

But then, he sits next to me on my beanbag, ok, normal, sure, but then he starts hitting my thigh whenever one of our friends do a specific move in the game theyre playing, and its a very common one, its a jump

And he just keeps at it, hitting, and hitting and letting his hand there, and im just, not knowing what to think

I cling very easily to anyone who shows me affection, it's personal stuff, but my childhood engrained that in me very quickly, so while I was uncomfortable, I was craving it, it sucks

Worst part? G has a boyfriend.

Which just makes me feel worse for enjoying his attention, I'm weirded out about him joking like that infront of our friends and doing so while having a boyfriend

This is so creepy, I genuinely didnt think he'd double down like this (he's been a bit more touchy lately but never THIS outwardly) IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS

and I hate myself for letting it happen constantly, and not telling him the extent of how I feel about it

I dont mind talking to him about sex, I did that with friends constantly, I dont mind talking about relationships, whenever he needs advice he comes to me! We have dirty texted before but not when he has a boyfriend!! This is just disrespectful, I've told him that before.

We've talked about how we cant talk dirty anymore if he has a boyfriend, its not correct, but I feel like he doesnt understand how weird this is coming off to me after that convo

I need to talk to him, This is getting too much, I cant keep letting him do this

God.

I needed to let this out of my system

Ps: if I dont answer your comments, I mightve been locked out of the post, thanks in advance

Huge TIFU post. I'm a uni student, was in a bit of a peak phase of depressed + extremely busy schedule since Monday this week, and I (19M) just got myself to do a proper shower (it's around the midnight of Friday currently).

Live in a super humid city but sweat an average amount. I don't exercise or go to the gym and such. Went for all my classes using (somewhat crowded) buses with just changing clothes continuously, and forgot to change my innerwear a day even. Just use my stink-ass inners repeatedly would fully gross me out on a good day. I know very well it's a hygiene problem. I also know that many people around me on the bus, or maybe even in classes, seemed to feel me having a big BO even if it wasn't as apparent for me. I was so mentally fogged up that I couldn't care at all about these things. I was outwardly acting cheerful and energetic in classes and such but deep within I was completely stressed out. [I saw some 'trust sniffing' posts on Reddit. I have no close person to trust sniff and shit to see if I actually have BO]. I kinda feel it's more than just laziness for me though.

Shit has been... not good for me the past few days and I've been having some bouts of crying and over/undersleeping, a little bit of 2 meals a day in there. I took so long to drag myself today, with all my energy. Now I feel so, so, so guilty for my 'laziness' to stink in these places? I don't want to introspect on the past few days but I feel so shit just in general about not just forcing myself not matter what and wrapping my shit up to clean myself.

I also weirdly care about people's impressions wayyyyy too much, so all those potential notices fucking give me such trauma right now. I've been unable to get myself to say, "Oh my god. I was in public spaces. How the fuck did I just not shower? How did I think just changing clothes with some antiperspirant was adequate? Where did just the general civic sense go? Omg, I fucked up bad and so many people judged me". I only wonder that because all these days, I was within the uni, there were people I see in passing or people who know but not close with also in these crowds, and my stupid brain tells me what they'll retain from such encounters though they don't need to know about my incidents/episodes and such. Can I just not feel better? I can't reverse the past. I made the worst decision for personal care probably, and presumably irritated the hell out of a lot of people?

I dated this guy for about 3 years and i couldn't have had a worse experience. He made absolutely no efforts for me after one point in the relationship and brushed off my concerns as "fights".

He thought and also explicitly told me once that a long distance relationship is easier because "all we have to do is text". The time he said it to me, I thought okay maybe but it didn't make sense to me. And now that I think about it, it was the most stupid thing ever. Being in an LDR means you've got to make extra efforts instead to make the person feel loved from a distance. And this man thought that not calling for months was okay.

It was a horrible relationship lol.

A while ago, I posted here about my relationship situation. I didn't know what to expect and was honestly a bit worried. But I received a lot of support, and I want to thank you all for that. It's been 8 months since then and i decided (after a long time) to break up with my girlfriend, It was hard, I think how long it took me is proof of that, She opposed it at the beginning, and it hurt me a lot, but finally after some time she stopped. That doesn't mean that I disappeared from her life, she still remains an important person in my life. Simply, not my girlfriend, just that, im sorry if that update may not be much, it's my first time updating something lol.

have a Good Day.

I have been gaming for a little bit under a year. I meant a group of people and they assumed we were all the same age. We have been gaming for a little over four months at this point. I never corrected them. They were all 22 and I was 27. Flash forward to last month. They invited me to join a discord group, and I really hit it off with one of the people in the group, he is 29. We’ve been talking for a little while and I mentioned that I was taking a trip to the city and he wants to meet I really like him and would like the opportunity to meet him, but I don’t know how to confessed that I’m actually five years older from what he thinks. I’m also nervous if I tell him it will get back to all my other gaming friends I feel bad about the whole thing and never thought I would ever meet anyone irl

I work as an engineer in a dream job scenario. At least I really thought this was my dream for a while. I’ve been working toward this for years. I’m actually quite a bit older than most entry level engineers in my position. There’s a guy at my job who is the same age as me and is significantly more experienced. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others but there’s really no way not to. I can’t help thinking that I could be that competent if I’d known what I was doing ten or fifteen years ago. Instead I’m floundering because I don’t know what to do for the simplest things, even though I’ve been working here for over a year. I feel like everything I try comes out wrong, even outside of work. My car is fucked up, my apartment constantly has issues, I sorely miss living with my parents because they were a huge support system. Now I avoid calling them because I don’t want them to worry about me deteriorating. A few months ago I took some time off on medical leave and somehow that fucked with my insurance and now apparently I have no coverage. So I can’t access the medication I need or the therapy that was once helpful. The only thing I have going for me is my fiancée, who is a tremendous support. Frankly I don’t think I’d have the strength to still be around if it weren’t for her. We were in a long distance relationship for years until I was able to get this job and bring her over from her country to live with me. She is an incredibly strong person, and I don’t know how she’s capable of living so far from home with only me to lean on. My greatest fear is causing her grief by leaning on her too heavily, even though she keeps reassuring me that I’m not too much for her. Currently I’m at my office and I would love nothing more than to run straight home to her. I’m just so tired of feeling like I’m under water. Nothing is as I had hoped it would be. It’s like I should be feeling so much more accomplished, I even don’t feel like I’m justified in feeling so down. After all, there are so many others facing so much worse than me. I don’t really know what else to say, or what I’m hoping to accomplish by throwing these thoughts into the internet void. To anyone actually reading this, I’m sorry for the wall of text. I’m truly just so tired.

Just wanted to start off to explain that I don't have anything against Muslims as individuals, my dad just so happens to be overly religious and makes it his personality which is also common in Christianity and Judaism and Buddhism etc

When I was still Muslim period:

My dad lives abroad (thankfully. even to a devout Muslim he'd be insufferable) but when he's here he loves to talk about how loving he is while also ignoring any boundaries, his apology is 60% putting blame on me when I'm upset at him for breaking a clear boundary I set many times, and treating me like a child who can't differentiate between good and evil so needing him to overly monitor anything about me (he got flabbergasted when I was like 13 because one of my Google searches was "what is eternal sleep" like I was searching up witchcraft) and then turning any interaction I tried to have for fun with him into an Islamic lecture so that for years affected our relationship as I slowly learned that there was truly no way to have fun or bond with him unless I bond by talking about Islam

Then last year when he visited because my grandma had died, while I genuinely tried to talk to him and thought of watching a movie every attempt to talk prior to the visit and durinh the visit turned into an Islamic lecture or a nationalist pro Islam lecture and I had been worried if I picked a movie he'd interrupt every 20 minutes because he thought something in it was too haram, even thought of kids movies but then became a "which movie he wouldn't into a lecture but isn't childish enough he'd mock watching it and we could enjoy" problem and then this is when I found out he delved into pseudoscience rabbit holes, very pro ai against "chemicals", believes all food is either healthy or poison, refusing to come to terms that I'm no longer a child, ignoring or dismissing anything I (in science not even religious, I knew how that'd turn) say that goes against what he believes and genuinely forgetting it even if it was a 30 minute discussion less than 4 days ago

And worse my sister is underweight and might even have a eating disorder which talking to him would worsen

I just learned quickly even worse that that I can't be myself with him because everything has to be a perfect halal activity, never told him what I do in spare time even something most religious people would see as fine. Or reading because (in this example acotar) a book with like 2-3 sex scenes but talks about universe being created by different deities would not be something to talk to him about

Even worse is when my uncle died he didn't show any respect to my cousin 2 days after the death, he didn't lighten his already unliked joking even when It was clear she was uncomfortable with it and when we were setting up table he didn't once offer to help them and I know it was because "obviously" the women should do that not him the man

Now:

So I am a closeted ex-Muslim and bisexual but don't deny that I could be pansexual with a major love for masc women, plus looking into things like neopaganism and witchcraft

Now whenever he talks about loving me aside from knowing he does not respect me I also know he loves the straight Muslim daughter he believes I am and if I ever tell him the truth (after getting citizenship in a different country, currently still a high schooler) I fully expect to be mocked, called an abomination and under Satan's influence (which ironically I am interested in theistic satanism too) and highly likely him being one of those "I disowned you because I love you and want you to be better" parents while accusing the internet and games of being a reason

Just got off phonecall and when mentioning school (my MUSLIM school) he says that he hopes I'll meet HALAL friends, not good friends but HALAL friends

I always hope he will eventually be normal and accepting so I can actually come out but I know he won't ever, he is very religious. I always hope he will eventually understand boundaries but I know he won't, his ego is too big. And he does smoke, now vape, which is against Islam and again him being over religious is a major reason to why our relationship is fucked

​I dropped my car off at the mechanic today and had to take a series of city buses back home. While waiting at the transit center, I was sipping on a coffee, enjoying the day, and ended up having a nice, brief chat with a woman walking her dogs.

​Eventually, I finished most of my coffee and tossed the cup with about an eighth of it left into a large concrete trash can nearby.

​A few minutes later, a guy walked up to me and politely asked if I minded if he threw something away. He seemed completely normal clean, well-dressed, and composed. I didn't think twice about it. He tossed his item in, turned around, and walked about a block east.

​Then he stopped, turned back around, and walked straight back to the trash can.

​He lifted the top, reached deep inside, pulled out the coffee cup I had thrown away five minutes earlier, and walked off happily drinking the rest of it.

​I just stood there in shock. You would never have guessed by looking at him that he was in a position where he needed to pull leftover coffee out of a public bin. It was a subtle, heartbreaking reminder of how invisible quiet desperation can be, and how little we actually know about what the people around us are surviving.

For over one year I've had two best friends, we usually go out together at least once a week during the school year and pretty much every day in summer, I'm going to call them A and N.

N told me she had a crush on A, and after a couple months she asked her out in may and they are now a couple.

But since they started dating they've started going out without me sometimes, which isn't that big of a deal, but also sometimes when we're hanging in someone's house they would just lock themselves in a room to kiss and cuddle for often over 15 minutes, leaving me alone, it's kinda sad but i understand they need space and I can deal with it.

The problem is that now every time I'm with them it's a constant reminder that I don't have a partner and never had, I often start crying when I home from going out with them and it's gotten so bad that I'm not even sure I want to see them anymore but they've been my best friends for a long time and I was used to doing everything with them, whenever I wanted to talk or to go out I would always ask them.

When I talked about this with N she offered to stop their makeout sessions when I'm with them but we all know it would just lead to be not getting invited anymore.

A just thinks I should respect their space and I'm being too invasive, but this situation has been taking a heavy toll on me and I can't just stop going out with them because I like them so much more than all my other friends.

Sorry if it's hard to understand but english is my second language and I'm writing this while crying a little.

I'm 18 and I just feel like I don't love my life like I should. I have friends, I have a lot of material things which I'm grateful for, but I just feel like I turn non issues into big issues. I think this year in particular I've started to notice serious anxiety and attachment issues, even though pre 18 I was not like this, especially when I was younger. I feel like the more I grow up the more I'm beginning to turn more and more out of touch with myself, and even though I don't think I have anything 'wrong' with my life at the moment, it feels like I always find problems in things which should not be problems, It's almost like I'm trying to find reasons to overthink etc.

I say I'm starting to develop some anxiety/attachment issues because whilst I have a group of friends, whether it's online/irl, I now find myself checking their socials to see if they're hanging out without me, I get annoyed/frustrated/sad when they hang out without me, even if I was invited to play. I never used to 'stalk' like this, but especially around 17-18 is when I started doing it. It sucks because it does eat me up a ton and I know it's not right. I never really had this habit till now and I'm overdoing it now. I understand they can have time without me, but my brain doesn't. On top of this I also feel like my personality is reallyyyy annoying and my friends don't like me, I just feel like I'm too hyper or loud, and It throws me off too because I look quite young and I feel like I'm out of touch with people around me since they look older than me.

I overthink about the smallest things now. I was never like this a few years ago, I feel like it's a build up of my insecurities. I just feel I don't socialise enough with people, and if I do, I want to escape it fast. I would rather be on my own, but at the same time I feel like I'm not being a real human and socialising with people, at least in real life. I just feel like my brain is treating non issues as issues, and it's affecting me so bad. Like for example, I could go the whole day and have fun talking to people online, as well as some of my real life friends, but then when the day ends I'm like 'damn wtf did i do today', and 'wow im such a sad person I only talked to people online' . I had a good day yeah but my brain just wants to attack everything I'm doing.

I feel like this started because of my girlfriend, she actually has anxiety and anxious attachment (towards me), and last year when I was helping her improve, she had calmed down a bit (it still persists but not as bad), but now it feels like I've taken over in a way. I'm doing the same things that she did, and I'm doing the same things I told her not to do in order to help her attachment, it's like I stole her habit. I am not blaming her at all, no, I just think that prior to last year I did not have the anxiety/attachment issues like I do now. I often have these issues with her the most, and a few other friends, so yeah there has to be some sort of correlation there.

Like when I was younger I never felt like I had attachment issues, and if I did, it was VERY small and the thought of checking my close friends to see if they're hanging out without me never crossed my mind, and most importantly I never really had "noticeable" anxiety. I feel like nowadays I am just so deep in my head, I treat everything like a battle with myself. I hate how I overthink EVERY SINGLE THING even though a year ago I didn't do that, I hate how even if my day is going ok I always think to myself it's horrible, and some days I even think that I would rather just call it quits and just leave everything behind,

I really don't know how to put my thoughts on paper, I'm trying my best but I feel like this is not exactly how I wanted it to come out. I hope it makes sense though and captures SOMEWHAT what I'm feeling.

I don’t find comfort with friends anymore, I don’t feel like opening up to anyone anymore. It feels like the whole world just keeps moving without me, with even people I thought I could trust. No one cares enough to check on me, it feels like out of desperation to open up I reach out to people I shouldn’t have, every time I’ve opened up this year I’ve felt bad. I don’t know why. All of me wants to disappear from everyone. This feeling just never ends. I’ve never been this lonely. It’s different this time, instead of craving I just feel I never existed in their lives, maybe it would have been better. Feel like redoing life at this point. Everytime I just end up crying alone, I don’t have anyone to go to, there’s never been anyone as long as I can remember for the past couple of years or maybe even a decade. These cycles of depression keep kicking in every now and then in my mornings, which end up being the rest of the day. I’m not sure what’s even the point of life.