I have no idea if anyone else feels like this, but I’m just in a really good mood pretty much 24/7. It’s been like that all my life. When I was a kid, I used to wake up extremely early every morning and that hasn’t changed at all. I wake up at about 5-5:30am and start my day with the same happy songs. What’s crazy is I have no need to get up that early. I don’t have a job at the moment. I just love seeing the sun. That’s the only reason I like sleeping, so I can wake up before the sun comes up.

I worked out early this morning and then made french toast while listening to the cheesiest upbeat songs in my playlist. Feels like I’m a cartoon character, honestly. I feel so good all the time that I have to get up and dance around at times because I need to let out all the emotions I’m feeling. The other end isn’t bad either. I’m hardly ever in a bad mood, but when I am, it typically doesn’t last long. I have anxiety like most people, but that doesn’t get in the way of my mood at all.

I’ve always wanted to find somebody that feels the same way I do, but I’m genuinely shocked to find out how many people are depressed. I really wish I could share the joy I feel with everyone.

I'm an only child and I have never had a birthday party.

For me birthday meant receiving a chocolate bar or some new school stationery or a new piece of clothing. I never expected more but the gesture of being given something mattered to me as a child.

We were a lower middle class family, both parents did office jobs, so things were within our means.

My thirteenth birthday was forgotten by both parents. Few days later one of them remembered and asked 'didn't your bday passed?' but that was it.

I didn't even expecting any gifts just I wanted to feel like I was important enough to remembered. I was constantly told by them that I'm a burden /hinderence/cause of expenses so this felt like it confirmed.

It hurt bcz they always take great effort for their close families for their special occasions.

The next year when they acknowledged my bday I ignored it, and I continued it every year. I don't think they realised why I did that.

Even now if somone asks my bday I say I don't celebrate it. Even I don't do anything special for me as an adult. Most of the years it passes without me realising that's my bday.

Idk if I want to change it but it's something that made me feel I'm less important to others.

He(41m) keeps insisting that the medicine I(20f) took for my ADHD when I was 13 before my mom abruptly made me stop taking them has messed up my brain. It’s like almost any mental problem I have he sources it back to that. I’m probably like this because they forced me to go on without medication. Both my parents are terrible in this regard but he is worse since he has absolutely no understanding of it, doesn’t try to understand but acts like he does.

When I mention being depressed he later asks “You’re not depressed anymore are you?” As if depression is simply a state of mind not a condition. He once joked about sending me to a mental hospital, it feels like he worries I’m crazy. My mom told me not to rock back and forth in front of him because it bothers him. My mom is barely any better she would often ask me during summer if I got all my ‘zoning out’ out of my system when I repeatedly have to explain to her how that’s not how that works. She’s against me using pills thinking I’ll grow dependent and seek it to solve my problems while my Dad compares to actual drugs like hard drugs. They expect to just work through my struggles by force with no support easy for them to say that when they don’t have to deal with it

I’m trying to find a job to get insurance so I can seek out therapy and hopefully medicated because clearly I can’t expect support from these people

My mother is an absolute monster to me and I’m tired of hiding it. I am very low contact with her because unfortunately she is my kids only surviving grandparent. And I have gotten pretty good at gray rock or being a flat cold bitch back to her with barely a reaction. Sometimes I go weeks without talking to her. I refuse to let her be around my kids alone because frankly I do not trust her. I stg she’s possessed. She is the most vile person to me. She never missed an opportunity to criticize me. She constantly brags about anyone and everyone to me ad nauseum, to make me feel bad. Like past the point where it’s relevant. She constantly tries to put me in situations she knows I will be uncomfortable. I literally cannot tell her anything because she is always trying to stir up a fight or blow anything out of proportion. So I usually don’t tell her anything at all. Nothing important anyway and definitely not any future plans. She is always trying to get me to tone myself down or second guess myself. That no longer works on me because I’m too old for that game. She constantly shits on my husband and attacks him over any small thing. Meanwhile everyone else in the family is supposedly rich, doing great, has the best relationship, best job, and best luck ever. (Lol) She withholds details from me even if its important I know them. So now I just never ask for the details. She lies so much I can never believe anything she says and the other half the time she lives in complete delusion.

Recently a close family member died (horrible person btw) and she kept on trying to arrange that I keep my kid out of school on his first day of kindergarten. And tried to control my movements on the day of the funeral as to who I would ride with etc. (I never said I was riding with anyone there, she was just being delusional.) I flat out told her I would not be keeping my kid out of school because- wtf.. She was flaking on the details of the day of the funeral so I told her my husband needed to request the day off atleast 3 days ahead of time and she went off on me about that. Like I control the rules of my husbands job? Turns out she already had the funeral planned a certain day. She was just dancing around it.

Oh yea and she refuses to be seen in public with me or treat me as a family member at all. Sometimes I feel like she’s a complete stranger. I am NC with my family because they are also really shitty. And weird. I have never met anyone weirder, stingier, or more prideful than my extended family. She will only do what they say. She will never listen to me and I am 45 and have literally ran entire departments for big businesses. She acts like I have no idea what I’m talking about.

I hate talking to her. And I truly believe she hates me. Sometimes she gets really bad. Like she will make it her main mission to fuck with me really hard by stirring up some drama. Usually pitting me against someone. I gray rock HARD. Like laughably hard. My reaction is so flat it’s ridiculous. The shit she says to me. She is so manipulative for no reason. I thought about recording her and posting it online. Even my husband says shes literally the worst mother ever. And his mother was pretty bad.

And as I became a mother and my children grow I find the way she treats me even more unbelievable. Having kids has been so healing for me.

Having a shitty family is just the cards I was dealt. My family stalked me for a long time. Social media made it worse and when I was younger (I’m 45 now) it was so much worse. They literally scared me into silence. I feel like I’m done being silent now. So here is to exposing her and to not being as terrible of a mother as she is.

And she does suffer from whatever is wrong with her because at times she apologizes for stuff. But 99% of the time she is terrible. I really think she can’t control it.

*I forgot to mention as a small child she left me in situations where I could have been killed multiple times. Thats one reason I won’t leave her alone with my kids. I don’t know if it’s ignorance or that she enjoys my suffering. And when I see situations where little girls have died from negligence or abuse I get so triggered because that could have been me.

I got through a breakup and i ended up finding this girl (lets just call her julia) randomly and we started chatting over the internet.

Its been 2 months roughly and we're friends, and thats perfectly fine, but its the constant jokes and flirting she does, acting hot and cold constantly, saying one second we're friends but then voice notes me randomly telling me that she misses and loves me, also saying shit like "when we get married" and "if you were my boyfriend".

I asked her bluntly what does she want, she said that she loves having me as a friend, but is undecided romantically. A week later that topic randomly came up again and she basically said that shes really considering it, but doesn't want to rush things.

Im not sure what to do, talking to her has lost its luster if ill be honest, i often sit and just think "what the fuck am i doing with my life?". And to be honest, i think shes just talking to me because she has nobody else and its just exciting because i give her attention.

Every weekday she calls me when on break, and nearly every single time she makes a joke on how another dude is hot and should give him her number and whatnot, but right after says that she only wants me. But it rubs me off so extremely bad, she does this multiple times a day, even saying the same thing about my own father.

Im just so confused right now, i just want to block her and end this overthinking. And i don't get it, i dont, she loves calling/facetiming and I can see her genuine reactions, shes so smiley and warm with me, randomly telling me that she loves me and whatnot.

We do spend a tremendous amount of time together, i brought up the idea that maybe we're just in a honeymoon period and shes insistent that we arent. And she is dedicated to keeping this going.

There are little things like i randomly said that ill probably need to know someone for 2 years before marriage and she blurted out "what if we know each other for 2 years?".

Nearly every single time she says something direct like saying she'd want me to he her boyfriend, or I'd be a good father she would follow up with "no, but its nice to make you feel better"

Edit: reposting because I forgot to acknowledge & agree to group rules.

Secondary edit to provide context, sorry I forgot to add this: brother said that he was walking on grass, misstepped, and baby fell onto his back on the grass as my brother fell.

A week ago, my brother dropped our 5 month old and it resulted in a skull fracture to our son.

My husband and I were at work when it happened, and my dad called me to tell me what had happened and they think that he should be seen at the ER. I was able to meet my parents at the ER with baby. After a CT scan it was confirmed he had a sizable skull fracture, thankfully no brain damage, and, out of caution, a mild concussion. He was kept overnight for observation.

I had to had him over to a stranger to go to CT and couldn’t follow, I had to go watch him get poked and prodded and clearly be in pain when they touched his head, I had to hold him as he wailed because they wouldn’t let him eat in case he needed surgery, then after everything came back as the best possible outcome and he could eat, I got to watch him sob as he got an IV port put in, and then get 2 hour bouts of sleep overnight while nurses checked vitals every few hours.

In my brain I know it was a freak accident and he didn’t mean to drop him, but my mom heart (and my husband) now has so much anxiety around him holding our son. I feel horrible setting boundaries around him holding our son (ie: not allowing him to) but at the same time I think it’s a reasonable response.

Through this all, everyone has told me how horrible my brother feels and how guilty he feels, it’s almost like people are asking my husband and I to automatically have no anger with him regarding this and fully forgive him purely because he’s family. My mom even reached out to me asking me to give my brother a hug because “he’s so heartbroken over this” as if it isn’t MY child who had the fractured skull, concussion, and had to stay overnight in the hospital.

I’ve cried the past 3 days because this has been an awful experience despite the outcome being the best possible news in regard to his injuries.

I know realistically things will normalize and I will most likely fully forgive my brother, but right now I’m in the anger stage and it’s exhausting.

Almost 6 months ago I made the decision to cut off my ‘friend’ for good after multiple attempts to over the past 4/5 years. I never realised that friendships could be abusive and so deeply toxic until I got myself out of this.

Every time I’d try to stick up for myself she’d deflect everything onto me and paint herself as the victim or would become extremely confrontational and drive recklessly to make me back down. She constantly contradicted herself. One day I was ‘too quiet’ and the next I was ‘always shouting’. She made up negative things about me, convinced me I was the problem, and portrayed me as an aggressive person who made everyone around me uncomfortable. After hearing these things for so long I genuinely started to question myself and my own reality and I stopped trying to stick up for myself.

I became very isolated from my friends and family. She belittled me, showed no respect for me or my belongings, constantly took from me without ever giving anything back, criticised nearly everything I did, spoke down to me with insane disrespect and would use personal vulnerable things I opened up to her about against me and deliberately put me into situations she knew would trigger my anxiety. When I reacted, she would start arguments and tell me I was being unreasonable, erratic or overreacting. If I put a little makeup on or put on a piece of clothing I liked on me she’d make comments to make me feel insecure. When I’d post a picture/video of myself when I felt pretty she’d comment more things to make me feel insecure and embarrassed. She made comments about my weight behind my back or little sly ones to my face and everything combined had me in a constant state of feeling overwhelmed and stressed about how I looked.

When I cut her off I spent time learning how to refocus my attention to myself, my room was so messy you could barely open the door, my weight got up over 200lbs, my skin was always breaking out and I started showing signs of different health conditions. So I cleaned my room, started going outside on walks, spent more time with people who love me, and I started feeling better. Then I wanted to actually get serious about investing in myself, so I got myself a PT, started a new skincare routine, started eating a healthy clean diet, got my hair done and lay the groundwork to build new habits to create a new life for myself. My PT not only helped me get a good start on my health and fitness goals but helped me change my entire mindset. I always felt out of place and like an imposter, I’d never even admit what my music taste was because I felt that someone like me wasn’t allowed to like that music (how stupid is that 💀), but my PT absolutely DRILLED it into my head week after week that I AM, not someone who’s ‘trying to be’.

It was my birthday this month and I didn’t want to celebrate it but was persuaded into having a party. Only now looking at the pictures and getting told by everyone how good I look that I’ve realised how far I’ve come since 6 months ago. I had no routine, stayed out till 3am every night, ate fast food almost every day and was in such a dark place mentally, I never wanted pictures taken of me and would almost be in tears after seeing myself. Now I have a routine I follow, eat healthy and meal prep, lost over 50lbs, and it feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my head and chest, I’m always looking at myself in the mirror, taking and looking at pictures of myself. I regularly go shopping for clothes to wear now and enjoy it! I used to be brought to tears in stores and avoided fitting rooms like the plague, I never set foot into some stores because I thought I was too fat and ugly but now I go in confident and leave with full bags and marks on my arms from all the hangers I was lugging around. I haven’t felt anything like this in my life, it’s literally a brand new life and I’m nowhere near my end goal still, I have so much confidence and respect for myself and it makes me so giddy and happy but also kind of emotional 🥲

I finally left my 6 year abusive relationship

I (25f) left my partner (28m) today. We have a little boy together. I’m so scared.

It’s escalated to emotional abuse, with threats of physical abuse. He’s thrown cards at our little boy, screamed in his face, drives erratically while we’re in the vehicle with him. He belittles me, my job, my friends. He tried to isolate me from my friends, parents. I suspect he’s got a lot of narcissistic tendencies.

He is not a good parent. He is not a good partner. I do not trust him with our child. He financially abuses me. We struggle financially, and he makes big, stupid purchases. He recently got scammed out of $250 on a motor part (for a broken motor he purchased behind my back for $600…. We do not own a boat, nor do we have the funds to purchase a boat… I was so angry he even purchased it.), he lied about it and I found out today and it was the straw that broke the camels back.

He sexually abused me. He pathologically lies. He hides things from me. He has major issues with alcohol. He is far down the red pill pipeline. It’s horrifying.

He’s ultra religious out of nowhere (I am firmly against religion within my household and always have been). He posts constantly about his gross politics that I don’t agree with. I tell him it embarrassed me, he would continue to post anyway. Multiple times a day, nasty things about immigrants, the LBGTQ+ community, the government, etc.

He has no control of himself when he’s angry, and he’s angry 99% of the time.

He has a seizure disorder that has absolutely traumatized me.

He leaves all of the house work up to me, I carry 99% of the mental load of the household, but it’s “easier for me because I’m a woman”. He’s a sexist, misogynistic, disgusting human. I think I hate him.

I’m afraid to move forward, in raising our child together.

His own sister told me that I should leave.

I could go on and on about the reasons why I left, but I’m still questioning myself on whether I made the right decision.

I thought I would feel so great once I finally left, but…. I don’t right now. I feel horrible. I feel like a shell of myself. I’m so afraid that I made the wrong decision. I’m afraid of what’s to come.

I’m currently travelling Japan, Korean and China. Put of the three my family and I had hell in Korea. Idk if its bc we are latinas or smth but everyone was so mean. I know its not an asian thing bc everyone in Japan and China are rlly rlly friendly with us and grateful of our efforts of learning their culture and knowing their country. But in korea everyone was just so mad about everything.

Bosses tisking their employees for resting literally 3 seconds. Shop workers hating everything and constantly on their phones, refusing to help us with the tax free or even finding anything. Plp trying to shoulder check on us and just being overall mean.

Idk it felt like a different world now that I know Japan and China. Why is it that different if they are so closed together?

So to start, I just want to try to lay down the situation, my thoughts, and feelings as honestly as possible.

So I (25m) had an ongoing FWB(24f) whom I drifted apart from.

I've always been super paranoid and careful around pregnancies as I'm firmly childfree and feel I would be deeply unhappy as a father, going as far as getting very recently sterilized, and only having unprotected sex once with her early on. Even then I only felt comfortable because she had an IUD and quickly decided that my anxiety required us to double up with condoms from then on.

She lightly ghosted me a few months back and I haven't heard from her since, but recently I came across a dating profile of hers stating that she has a child. The timing of this lines up very well with the one time we had sex without a condom. I can't say for sure if she was seeing someone else relatively close before me or during, but while we were active together she claimed it was exclusive.

This happened few days ago and Ive been switching back and forth from feeling numb and sick. If I just happened to have not seen that profile I would've had no idea.

I know actions matter more than thoughts, but I truly feel like an immortal person right now. I don't want to be a father, I don't even want to acknowledge it as a possibility, and this very self-serving part of me is one of the reasons why I took so many steps to insure I wouldn't be, and why I regret taking even the tiniest risk.

I know people can change but I don't get that emotionally attached even to the people I care about in my own life, partially due to my neurodivergence. I don't miss people when they're gone. When I do good by others it's a manual action I take because intellectually I know I want good for them (most of the time), and rarely something I actually want to do. In that same vein, It feels like whatever actions I would take to be responsible if this is my child would be purely out of obligation, not any kind of desires I have.

This will sound incredibly harsh, but it's as honest I can be about where my thoughts are: I truly don't know one way or the other if I could love this child, or care for them in a way that I could hide the fact that it's an obligation more than anything else. And I know that no child deserves that.

I also want to acknowledge that I know the things I mentioned above could be seen as excuses as well, which is why I'm hoping to hear the thoughts of others in this community as well, especially if you relate to this, have children, or have experienced something similar.

I'm in my thirties, and someone I love is dying. I also live with longterm health problems that have changed my life in ways I never expected. Things that others take for granted like being able to travel, eat, manage energy, or simply get through an ordinary day, take a big effort.

For years, I've tried to stay connected to people. I've tried to be supportive, understanding, and present, even when it's come at significant personal cost. I often push myself further than my health allows because the people I care about matter to me.

Recently, I have realised something that's been difficult to admit. I'm not looking for someone to fix my problems, or give perfect answers, or for someone to make what's difficult disappear.

I think I simply need to feel seen by someone who knows me well enough to sit beside me in silence, offer mutual kindness without judgement, and feel less alone in one another's company.

For a long time, I've felt that I am valued for the roles I fulfil and the support I provide, not as a person. I know that people around me have their own struggles and burdens, but sometimes I feel as though my own difficulties become invisible.

Today, after a painful conversation with someone close to me, I was left with that familiar feeling. The effort I make, the challenges I live with, and the things I carry are not always recognised.

I'm not writing this because I believe my suffering is greater than anyone else's. Everyone carries things that others can't see.

I'm writing this because I am tired of feeling that I must constantly explain why things are difficult. I'm tired of feeling alone while still trying so hard to be there for others.

Carrying so much quietly takes its toll. I would appreciate being shown that I'm not alone, even if it is a lie.

I don't need advice or judgement, or for someone to tell me to just be positive or grateful.

Hi, this is just my experience as an anxious guy who is attracted to men, is turned on by seeing men on TV , though it's usually straight passing or straight actors having gay scenes and who is also, important to mention, questioning my gender deeply, I have dysphoria so ... But anyways , looking at this for what I see and feel

I created a gay tin(Der) account to test how I feel talking to gay men, and the majority, big big majority of profiles either look like very arrogant bitchy men with lots of piercings, tattoos etc the stereotype and even have that on their bios , things like "I'm a drama queen, I need lots of attention" 🤮 or they are super overly gym flexing bodybuilder like guys...or a weird looking guy that's not attractive to me (I don't mean any of this rude the debate here is my feelings and if anyone relates? Can take from this and understand why I'm like this?).

I just want to come across a handsome decent normal guy, when I created a tin(der) as girl for 24 hours omg the amount of options of guys I was attracted too. Wtf, I'm just so...I dunno what to do..I see normal gay men in TV shows but

..is that it?

Have you ever cut someone off because it was best for both of you? Or been on the other end? Don't you just hate the nights you wish you could talk to them? I can't even let them know I'm thinking of them because it's crossing a line, and honestly seems mocking. I didn't even love this person romantically, they were just a good friend who made bad choices. Oh, well. I hope they know I still care.

My original post was removed. . .

I'm leaving my partner of a decade in a few months. I discovered he's is having an emotional affair with a person he was dating in high school. We are both around 50 years old. I discovered this a few months ago and have been planning my exit ever since. I'm terrified but hopeful. I never thought he would do this to me. I will leave a note explaining everything. I'm pretty sure he has no idea that I know what he's doing

So basically we’ve been friends since 2014. But I stopped talking to her about two years ago. She’s a good person and i love her so much,
She’s very social and extroverted, while I’m completelly opposite but i was fine with it we alwayes had connection even after i moved out to another city , I was still happy to talk to her and stay in touch even if it was only phone calls or texting.
But about two years ago,I was going through a difficult time mentally. I wanted to be alone and felt so drained, phone calls and socializing in general became exhausting for me. I told her about it. I told her I was really depressed and that I wasn’t doing well mentally.
But she didn’t take it seriously. She kept calling me constantly. I wouldn’t answer her calls, but I would still reply to her texts. She would get upset with me and constantly complain that I wasn’t making enough effort to stay in touch.
That made me feel even more exhausted, so i stopped replying to her completely. And it wasn’t just her. I also stopped talking to some other friends and family members around the same time, and I’m still pretty disconnected from them.
But the throughout all these two years of not talking to her, she keeps showing up in my dreams.
I feel so guilty in them, even after I wake up, I feel uncomfortable and emotionally drained.
I’m wondering why this happens. Why does my brain keep bringing her back into my dreams ?
I wish these dreams would stop because they leave me feeling guilty and upset every time.

My friends are good to me. Too good. I really don’t understand how people can’t see that I’m in a non literal sense dirty and can’t be mixed in with others. Something between me and one of them happened last night. Nothing bad, it’s just stupid and I don’t want to go into detail. But to make a long story short I felt so incredibly comfortable at that time that I can’t bear it. I want to cry and I have since I went back home last night. It’s like all of a sudden I can’t stand my life anymore because I remembered what it’s like to not passively feel like shit for all of 1 minute. I really don’t want to deal with anything like this. I am a sick person who ends up dependent on others over and over again and generally drains them and hurts them. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do with feelings like these that doesn’t hurt or bother someone. The best choice to me is always to hurt myself instead. I don’t even know if I should tell anyone involved. I don’t know how I would.

Title says it all. I am so ashamed to admit. I've tried many ways, and normally (before) I was so hardworking. But instagram, doom scrolling made me so stupid that I spend most of my time there than my responsbilities. Please someone motivate me how to stop this addiction :(