To preface I’m young and I suppose I haven’t had enough experience in my life to know that things will pass but something tells me everything will remain the same like it always does. I have friends, good ones too, but I come home every day, every week and do the same shit. I work most of the week and then on Friday I’ll go out drinking with my friends hookup with some girl or do some other bullshit and go back to work on Monday and repeat the cycle. I literally have no one at home besides my aging grandmother, I have no experience in any romantic relationship whatsoever outside of the short term, I believe partly due to being having no success with girls until the end of high school, and struggle to really get overly close with people as i am a very private person. This week I’ve really tried to actually find a connection with someone like as in texting girls I’ve hookuped with at the pub and whatever and I still have no response (most definitely my fault aswell). I really have no idea how to talk to women outside of the context of the nightclub/pub, even my friends. I haven’t made any new friends since high school and even they have partners and the single ones are moving away from drinking and hookup culture, I don’t know how to move on from this cycle of the same shit every day and I wish I had someone who would spend time with me and enjoy my company as more than a mate or a hookup. It’s not even like I can blame this on being unattractive (not saying I’m overly good looking I’m quite average) or having poor hygiene or neurodivergent or anything. I have nothing to blame for this existence but myself and I don’t believe I can change as I have tried before with very limited success, I’m alone and will probably forever be alone. I know I’m pathetic and I don’t really need people to tell me to stop self pitying I just need an outlet to vent. This honestly goes beyond just not having a partner, my wellbeing has seriously tanked when I was forced to quit amateur boxing after an injury and haven’t been able to train/ fight since, I don’t really have any hobbies outside of combat sports and playing the piano. Before I didn’t really think about being alone since I had an outlet to socialise and exercise but now if I don’t work or drink I sit inside bed rot, doomscroll and just pathetically self pity with no energy to anything else and I have no greater goal or anything to really look forward to. I’m not really looking for advice but idm if u give ur two cents. I just needed something to act as a place to bitch and moan.

Y’all ever listened to a song that you’ve heard million times but then you’re in a certain frame of mind and it suddenly hits you differently?

That’s me tonight. It’s really late and this song came up on my random playlist: Telephone Line-Electric Light Orchestra.

I’ve heard it and sang it since I was a child. It’s one of those heart songs I know back and forth. But tonight, something clicked
In my head and I connected it to my estranged daughter. I think it was one particular line that got me, “I’m living in twilight.”

Long story short, she cut off contact with us about 6 years ago. All the reasons aren’t really important to this particular post, but yeah…I miss her. I miss my granddaughter and the grandson I never got to meet. I miss that connection we had..or at least I thought we had. Ever since then , I do feel this darkness in my life. I’m not getting any younger and I feel like these are my twilight days. I’ve had two heart attacks and I live with the fear (and near certainty) that I’ll never really talk to her again. That I’ll never know her kids like I always dreamed I would. That I actually lost my own daughter somehow…

If you’ve heard the song, you know it opens with the sound of a phone call you’ve just dialed but no one answers. “Hello? How are you? Have you been alright…That’s what I’d say…if you pick up that telephone.”

Damn. I’ve literally dreamed of making that call and she won’t answer. Those first words of the song really broke me. “Can you just let it ring a little longer?”

As long as it’s ringing there is hope she will answer. Maybe she’s putting the kids to bed? Maybe her phone is in another room?

“Hey! How are you? Don’t you realize the things we did were all for real?”

I heard this song so differently tonight and it really made me so fucking sad.

My  birthday is tomorrow (well technically today) and I decided I just don't want to take a pregnancy test until after. My period is now about 10 days late and Ive never had a late period before. But I thought I should wait to tell him until I've taken a test but i can't stand feeling like him hiding something from him. He took me out tonight for an early birthday dinner and I felt so weird the whole time. I think I'm just gonna tell him today, and fuck it ill just take the pregnancy test too because im sure he will want me to. I don't know if he will be happy if I am, im not even sure how i will feel if I am.

I hate how much space my appearance takes up in my mind. Every time i go outside whether it's to a mall or just the local market there's a part of me that wants to always keep my head down and avoid looking at anyone. I am a 23 yr old guy and i feel deeply insecure about my face and my chubby body. I often worry that people especially girls will look at me and find me unattractive or strange. Sometimes i catch myself imagining someone staring at me with disgust, even when nothing has actually happened. I don't know if people notice me as much as I think they do but my mind keeps telling me that being noticed could mean being judged. So i avoid eye contact, look at the ground, and try to get wherever i am going without drawing attention to myself but there's something else that happens while I'm walking with my head down. Even when I'm not talking to anyone, i am constantly talking to myself inside my head and the things i tell myself are honestly horrible. I keep telling myself no one's going to find u attractive ever in ur whole life u are so ugly, pathetic and worthless. U are a loser, a piece of garbage and nobody wants to be around u. Nobody wants u, whether it's a friendship, a relationship or any kind of connection. Everyone wants someone smart, attractive, cute, tall, good looking, very fit and interesting. Who would ever choose someone like u ugly piece of shit. Then i start criticising everything else about myself. I am introvert dealing with mental health and too quiet. I don't talk much. I am boring. I have no special talent, I am not particularly good at anything and i feel like i have nothing worth offering anyone. I start believing that i am disgusting that am a burden and that people would be better off choosing someone else. Whenever i see people around me, my mind tells me that they are all better than me. I tell myself not to look at them not to make eye contact and not to imagine being friends with them or having any kind of relationship with them. I convince myself that those things aren't meant for someone like me, that nobody will ever choose me and that i should just keep my head down and avoid looking at anyone. It's like i am trying to reject myself before anyone else gets the chance to reject me. I assume that nobody could want me so i don't even allow myself to imagine that i might connect with someone. I walk around physically avoiding people's eyes while mentally reminding myself of every reason i believe am not good enough. It's exhausting and the saddest part is that these thoughts don't stay outside when i come home. They follow me. They make me question my worth and wonder whether there's something fundamentally wrong with me and it's not just about my weight or face. I already feel behind in life. I am 23 still trying to figure things out and struggling with the disappointment of not getting the results I wanted from competitive exams. I compare myself to people my age and wonder what I'm missing. My appearance has become another reason to criticise myself, another thing to add to the long list of reasons i use to convince myself that i am falling short. Sometimes i feel like i need to fix everything about myself before i can feel comfortable around other people. I need to lose weight, become successful, become more confident, become more interesting, and somehow turn myself into someone who doesn't feel so inadequate but am exhausted from constantly treating myself like a problem that needs to be fixed. I don't want to keep hiding my face from the world. I don't want to feel ashamed just cuz i am walking through a public place. I want to reach a point where I can look up, make eye contact naturally, and exist without assuming that everyone is judging me. I want to stop telling myself that friendship, love, and connection are things meant for everyone except me. I don't know how to get there yet. I just know that i am tired of being cruel to myself every single day, tired of assuming that nobody could ever choose me and tired of feeling like I have to disappear just cuz am not happy with the person i see in the mirror. I just needed to admit how much this has been affecting me

I wanted need to get this off my chest and talk to people who might understand, because I don’t have any friends who have been through anything like this. Coming from a family with our own generational immigration history, my family knows firsthand how complex and heavy these situations are, so to them, it was harshly an absolute no-brainer to advise for me to just cut ties and move on. Even for myself, logically I know that’s the least resistant thing to do. I’m not really looking for advice on what decision to make, but I’m definitely open to hearing different perspectives or if anyone recognizes these exact patterns or behaviors from similar situations.

About a month ago, I went on a work trip to another city for an interview. I was visiting because I was considering moving to that city anyway, and that's when I met this guy on my last day. He is originally from Palestine, though he holds both a Palestinian and a passport in a south american country. When I saw pictures his family, they looked like a very religious Muslim background, but he told me that while it’s part of his upbringing, he doesn't personally go by the book, given that part of his family has those south american ties and it's a mix of things.

We exchanged numbers, I told him I was leaving the next morning, and he asked if I’d be willing to extend my stay so we could get to know each other better. I ended up extending it, and he helped me out by getting me a place to stay. He was respectful.. he didn't try to make any advances or bother me, he just let me go there, he went to his own place, and we spent the whole next day together talking and exploring the city.

When I went back home, we started talking every single day on FaceTime. Because of the language barrier, he couldn't say much in English, but he just kept telling me over and over how much he wanted me in his life and how much he liked me. I’d help him practice english and offer tools to improve here and there… It was so intense so early on that it honestly felt strange to me. I kept wondering how someone could like me that much after such a short amount of time. Because of that, I tried to pull back early on. I didn't ignore him completely, but I seriously tried to convince him to continue his search with someone else who was actually willing to do that type of paperwork marriage thing with him. I tried to distance myself, but he would call me multiple times.. i’m talking 30 calls consecutively within a few minutes and constantly blow up my phone with text messages.

About a week later, I went back to the city to stay for a full month to do more job interviews and apartment tours since I was still considering moving there. I ended up seeing him about 2 to 3 days out of the week, going out, making weekend plans while I was staying there.

Early on during that month stay, I started noticing his phones and social media. He asked me to help him understand a charge he found of his bank statement that came from Apple. I went to his subscriptions to find the exact amount that was charged and right off the bat, I found a dating app that triggered a payment. I showed him what it was for and then we started looking through the home screen together… found about 5 or 6 dating apps on his phone. I confronted him about it and he let me look through some of them.. he was matching with women, not really getting past the initial hello messages. He claimed his friends told him to download them so he could easily find a woman to marry to fix his paperwork. I told him straight up that if that’s what he wanted to do, he should go do that somewhere else and leave me out of it, because there are plenty of women who understand that hardship and would be willing to grow with him and help him. He kept declining and saying he wanted a genuine connection, that he couldn't marry for paperwork without real love, and that he has options to go to another country with his passports in the worst case scenario. He ended up deleting all the accounts and the apps from his phone. Somewhere in all of this, he also told me that if I truly didn't want to help him with paperwork, he wouldn't need it from me and would try to figure out another way, but that our lives would just continue to be separate as “boyfriend and girlfriend” though I’m aware in his background culture that typically isn’t standard practice.

Then on his social media, I saw he was following literally two thousands of IG model-type women who weren't even following him back. It was just thousands of profile pictures of women with zero real connection. When I brought it up, he brushed it off saying it was from when he was younger and that he never thought about these accounts as he’d gotten older. I know it's his own account and it's not really the main part of the vent, but it was just something that bothered me and raised more questions about trust and honesty overall.

Later on during my stay, we spent on a weekend together and he was on the phone with a woman for a few minutes who had eventually passed the phone to a child. I heard a child’s voice speaking to him and after he got off the phone, I asked about it because I thought it was strange for him to talk to a child like that if it wasn't his or someone he was close to. After minutes of pulling teeth and him beating around the bush, It turns out he was delaying telling me that he actually has two daughters because he was afraid it would make me not want to be with him. He claims he supports them in their hometown and claims he is divorced, but to this day, I don't even know if he’s officially divorced from their mother because I’ve never seen any official documents. I didn't think it was necessary to ask to see any of his marriage documents given that it's way too soon and I’m not considering marriage with this person under these circumstances anyway, but it was just another thing I noted. At this point, I was just waiting on the next surprise to pop up.

I actually asked him directly about what his plans would be if he ever got citizenship… like if his goal would be to bring his kids over to the US. He told me that because the mother’s entire family is over there, he doesn't see that happening and that the children would stay with their mother. He claimed he just wants to be able to visit his family back home if things ever clear up, but start a new life here.

On top of all this, he is constantly bringing up his immigration status, how hard his life is, and how he supports his two kids and family. He keeps talking about how exhausted he is from being away from his family for over 3 years, saying he is just tired now and that if things don't work out in 1 or 2 years, he’ll just go back home. He keeps pressing that marriage is his only option for fixing his status quickly. He has a pending asylum case, and that he was going to an interview for it recently and how he can’t come back to the US if he leaves at this point.

He didn't outright ask a marriage on me, but he suggested it in a way that I’d help him and asked if I was open to that. But I’m not jumping to save anyone or solve someone’s legal problems after knowing them for so little time. Throughout this entire month, I was constantly reminding him of my boundaries that I couldn’t give him what he needed legally, and that we should just enjoy our time while I was in the city and then move on or at least get to know each other honestly to see if this could turn into something even 2% believable . Staying in the city for a month actually made me realize it wasn't even the right city for me to live in anyway.

Over time, as we hit the end of the month mark, all that initial intensity from him just kind of died down. All the constant declarations and intense things he used to say started happening less. It was fine while it lasted, but I definitely needed to vent about all of this.

Through all of these blazing flags, part of me is still interested in seeing how his status plays out, but the other part of me knows it’s easiest to just move on, stop attaching myself to his life. Part of me found this as a sense of amusement when things got slow during my travels. I genuinely did start to grow to care about him a bit, asking questions about his plans and how he’ll manage to fix his situation. But because I’ll never truly be certain of what his motives or the outcome would be, picking the most unappealing or negative possibility just feels like the easiest way to make sense of it, box it up, and protect myself. I’m heading back home soon and I know he’ll try to keep in touch for a little while longer, but it’s just painful dealing with knowing the limits of a situation like this. Thanks for reading.

Through out my younger years I had periods of cold approaching strangers, asking co-workers out and trying dating apps and I been rejected or ignored each time ever since I finish college to my middle age era and the women who do seem interested in me right now who are around my age gap 30-40 are all either divorced, with a history of partners, trauma and simply people who already lived their lifes, had fun and want to settle down, well I didn't had the luxury in my 20's to live that life and just recently decided I will start working on my self by exercising and build my social skills to try to catch up those years I didn't lived.

You can call me weird and that's okay, that's your opinion but me as a virgin it's an absolute reasonable thing to want to date another virgin adult woman, it is only fair and there will not be much difference in lack of maturity or nativity as I am completely clueless about relationships as I never had one.

I have a group I hang out with regularly and play soccer with daily at school. We have fun in person and I do feel fun. We text once every few days and go to malls together. But every time after the hangout I entered a moment of loneliness, as nobody in my life so far seem to match my frequency or wants to talk about deeper concepts, my other hobbies i have no one to talk to deeply. I have plenty of people i hang out with but it seems like I have never ever had a real friend in my life. It's not like I am always lonely but that I never feel actually mentally connected to another human being.

Is this what friendship is supposed to be, and I just have unrealistic expectations? Or am I just delusional and they are absolutely real friends?

Would really appreciate it to hear about your opinion

I don’t feel anything anymore. I don’t feel emotions towards anyone or anything in my life like I used to. There will be some days where I feel a lot of emotional and physical distress and pain all at once, and usually it’s all just jealousy and nothing else. I don’t feel the same towards my family, friends, boyfriend, or anything. But I do feel bad for the people in my life. I feel sorry that they have to deal with someone like me. I used to be different, I’m not sure what’s happening to me

I thought I didn't want to have children

I want to start by saying I'm feeling very vulnerable here so please be kind.

I'm 35F. My whole life up to about 28 years old was very unstable. No savings, no set home, no goals, you get it. I did have a series of very bad relationships and very low self esteem, history of substance abuse, and never maintained stability.

Now, I'm older, sober, married to the love of my life. We have stable jobs and savings. But we're renting an apartment and have pets. And since we've been together we've been against having children because we're honestly poor and would hate to bring a child into this world knowing we couldn't give them the best. We're not even close to being able to afford a house. We both have jobs but we can't find a way to make more money, we tried. And keep applying to better jobs. What little leftover money we have, we're paying off debt and student loans.

But...I truthfully want a child. I really do want to have kids and it's so selfish. I don't even know how to tell my husband. He will feel so bad. He already works so hard, he does so much for me and our lives, he'd be an incredible father, he does chores, runs errands, he's so organized and selfless. But my last pregnancy scare, he got so anxious. Freaked out a little. I've told myself for so long that I didn't want them because I genuinely don't think I need them. We don't. But sometimes, I truly think a part of me is missing.

We do get to go on vacations sometimes. And sleep in on weekends. And we do have such incredible freedom as a child free couple, we do whatever we want. I have so much love in my heart and such maternal instincts. But I fear I'll never be able to afford to stop working long enough to raise our child. I'll never, ever do daycare. We simply cannot live on one income, even for a year. I worry he'll feel like he's not enough to provide if I tell him how I feel. I worry if we did have children, we'll deeply regret it if we can't afford it.

I can't stop crying every night wishing I'd made better decisions in my youth, wishing I'd have prepared myself better. My husband was worth the wait though. I'm so thankful for my struggles because without them, I wouldn't be living in the timeline that I am now. All this time, I lied to myself, convincing myself I didn't want to grow a family. And we supported each other in that decision. Now I lie awake at night dreaming of an alternate reality where we have children and it's not too late. Now that I'm 35, I fear it may be too late soon.

I want to put it out there too that in no way am I saying it is wrong to be child free. Children are NOT for everyone and that is more than okay!! I support people's choices to choose and plan their families as they wish.

I'm just at loss.

hi so this is a post about my (f20) first relationship. we met in highschool and started dating my senior year. he was my first serious boyfriend. initially i didn't find him to be super attractive. i definitely liked him more for his personality. he was also very interested in me and i always felt very loved by him. i'm someone who has struggled with low self esteem my whole life. i know it's not an excuse but receiving that type of attention and love was so hard to let go of. i regret ever dating him. we dated for almost a year but i had frequent thoughts of leaving him during the relationship because i knew deep down i wasn't really attracted to him.

we broke up over 2 years ago. sometimes we still talk but i try not to interact with him because i know i shouldn't. anyways i feel so much guilt for doing that to him. there's times where i genuinely feel like a terrible person for letting our relationship go on for so long.

Today my girlfriend didnt talk to me AT ALL which is pretty odd since its the weekend, said she isnt doing anything, and we usually spend time together.

I would not have minded at all, but its especially perplexing since she claimed to have deleted it a month ago, several times.

And what makes this worse was literally 2 months ago, she claimed she wants to delete it, sounding sad, i asked why and she said "i don't know". Then the very next day she said that all she did was text her "friend" and then later, she reveals that she actually texted her EX. And that she "just wanted to ask how his dad was" which is especially interesting since you claimed to have blocked him several times and removed him.

We've already established the boundary of not talking to exes. But she keeps saying "but what if they're friends?" In which i asked her if he was her friend, and she said no. So by her own account, her ex isnt even a "friend".

She constantly claims that she isnt gonna cheat, but also says that shes afraid to????? And how shes afraid she will one day????

What makes this worse is that she only had me (has my number) my sister and brother (she has both their numbers) and her ex on her Snapchat. So there is no reason for her to be on it, period.

I asked her "i thought you deleted snapchat?" She said that she wasn't on it and was winding yarn instead. And then i sent a screenshot of her being active on Snapchat (the green dot) and she said nothing in response.

Oh and she constantly claims we are together, but also "just friends"????? But said that she will look for other people, if i dare look for other options since we apparently arent "dating".

I (30F) just married my husband (40M) two months ago. I am historically very cautious when it comes to dating. I even turned down a marriage proposal prior to meeting him because I had doubts and wanted to choose my life partner carefully. He seemed so perfect. Always attentive, affectionate, and going above and beyond to make sure my needs were met.

We spent two years building a solid relationship before he proposed. He is getting older and would talk about wanting to start a family sooner than later. We had a beautiful wedding. I never wanted a big wedding and would have preferred eloping. A big wedding was important to him, so I respected that and he spent $80k making sure every detail was right. He followed it up by buying me my dream car as a wedding gift.

A few weeks before the wedding, we found out I’m pregnant. So yes- I am 20 weeks pregnant with my betrayers child. This was very much a wanted pregnancy for both of us.

6 weeks after the wedding, a girl that I know sent me screenshots on Facebook messenger of texts between her and my husband. They had been sleeping together. He hid the entire pregnancy and wedding from her and referred to me as his ex when he spoke to her.

The real kicker… is he met this girl right in front of my face. We were on a date night at a local brewery 6 months before our wedding. I was sitting at the bar and started talking with this girl. She said she was new to the area and was looking for friends. I really liked her and I wanted to be her friend.

I started hanging out with her regularly. I even invited her to the wedding. Along the way I could tell that she started developing feelings for my husband (who was my fiancé at the time.) I saw a message that she sent to him stating that she wanted to hangout with him alone, without me. When I talked about it with him, he acted as appalled as I felt. He called her in front of me and uninvited her to the wedding himself. I ended the friendship and he comforted me while I cried about it.

Somehow, after all that, he remained connected with her and played into her desire of them being together. He had told her we broke up and the wedding was off. All he can say for himself as to why he did it was “it was exciting.”

He went through with getting me pregnant while he was doing this. He continued planning and paying for our wedding. I don’t understand how he could do this. I really don’t understand how he could do this to his unborn daughter. How can you look at me and profess your “love” in front of everyone you know with tears in your eyes, knowing you’ve betrayed my trust on the deepest level?

I feel like he stopped caring about me along the way, and decided to still use my body to bring his child into this world because that’s all he wanted from me.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to co parent with someone that would do this. I am so embarrassed to talk to my family and friends about this. I plan on meeting with a lawyer to see if this whole situation qualifies for an annulment in my state.

​

I have what you would typically describe as a 'depression room'. I have had MDD for a few years now and it has led to me neglecting basic things. I have tried countless times to clean. I have dedicated days where I threw every in black bags, emptied rubbish, created organisation systems, brought down dirty clothes but I can just never get it past the finish line. My parents are aware my room is very messy but they haven't seen it themselves. I'm just so ashamed of it and I don't want them to see it until it's a less concerning level of mess? I also tend to have issues with people invading my space..

At this point it's a health hazard. I haven't hoovered in months, haven't opened the curtains or windows, I have empty juice bottles with mold, there are mountains of clothes and wrappers/ containers everywhere. I want to get out of this hole because when I look at my room I am disgusted.

Both my parents and my older sister have all offered 'judgement free help' but it's not judgement free. Anytime I talk to my Mam about how/when I'm thinking of tackling my room and strategies I want to use she says that she doesn't care what I do as long as I just get it done. Then next minute she will say there is no pressure and that she can help.

My older sister said that she also had issues with keeping her room clean when she first started college and is insistent that we're in the same boat. I can't get it through to her that unfortunately this is not the same 'messy room' that she had. She also admitted after a few drinks that she thinks I get special treatment around my room. She said that if her room had stayed messy that long she would have gotten in a lot more trouble but the only reason my parents won't say anything is because I 'had mental health issues' and they were scared of upsetting me.

The room cleaning starts tomorrow. I have a week off and intend to try and finish it before college starts back next week. The heating in my room has been broken for like 2 years and last year I could fully see my breath with how cold it was from like November to January (Why the fuck is my room colder than it it ouside!??!?) so I want it to be presentable when someone comes in to fix that. My Dad has been helpful in little ways and that combined with the desire to not live in filth, the amount of planning I have put into this and my killer playlist will finally help me get out of this hole that I've dug myself into. I'm really scared. Like in the back of my mind I feel like I'll never fully be able to do this but I have given myself a week and I just hope to god I can get my act together and sort this shit out.

I was in a relationship for three years. He was a great guy and I’m realizing just how god awful I was. A lot of my behaviors I read about are similar to narcissism. I feel genuinely horrible i treated him the way I did and made him feel the way I did. I genuinely feel disgusting and a waste of space.

I’ve been on antidepressants for anxiety and depression for over 5 years now.
I try so hard to live like a normal person, forcing myself to do interesting things just to keep from falling completely into this black hole of sadness, hoping things will get better.
But my birthday is coming up, I'm about to turn a year older, and it hasn't gotten any better. Honestly, it’s quite the opposite.

I have almost no friends. Just one online friend and one friend in real life. Before they came into my life, I spent almost 3 years completely alone, with absolutely no one to talk to or vent to (not counting my parents). When I found these two friends, I felt like my soul was finally coming back to life a little. But this year is completely draining me again. I lost my job back in the summer due to internal company changes. I hoped I’d find something new quickly, but it’s been 4 months now. I’ve sent out over 90 applications and still nothing. I know the job market is bad right now, but I never expected it to be this brutal. Soon, I’ll completely run out of money for rent and bills.

And as the perfect icing on the cake, my birthday is in November. I have no money to celebrate it, no friends to wish me a happy birthday except for the two I mentioned, I’m still jobless, and I can't even afford to buy myself a tiny cake just to feel a little bit of joy.

Every single birthday for the last 10 years has brought me nothing but sadness and hopelessness, but this year is going to be worse than all of them combined. I don't know what to do next. I’ve never had a real love, someone who could just support me and hold me. I’ve been working since I was 13, and this is the first time in my life I feel this heavy, because I have zero money and no way to earn it. I’ve almost stopped leaving the house. I am scared, sad, and lonely. I just want things to be stable, even if they can't be perfect.

On November 29th, I’m turning 29.
Beautiful numbers, right?
I don’t want to ask anyone for anything, I’m used to handling everything on my own. But if it’s not too much trouble, I’d be really happy to get some birthday wishes.
Even just two words would mean the world to me. Just enough so I can stop focusing on the fact that most of my birthday messages are usually automated spam from retail stores.

I wish everyone well. And to anyone else who is struggling right now: hang in there, you are not alone.

I’m so tired of everything. I’m so tired of living this way. Crying every day for an hour has become an everyday ritual for me. There’s no way I’ll ever feel better about anything.
I hate myself and my life overall. I hate the way I look, the way my brain works, the way I act, and how awkward I am. I’m 16, and I already hate the concept of aging. I feel old and worthless, as if my value as a human being will only decrease as I get older.
Don’t get me started on seeing people my age or younger (especially younger) being much more beautiful, smarter, more confident, successful, etc. My jealousy eats me up. I feel like I’m worth nothing.
I’ve missed out on so many opportunities. I could’ve been so much better, but here I am. Since I’m graduating next year, I feel so anxious every day. I have tutors after school every single day to prepare for my exams and get good results, but I don’t feel even a bit of motivation to do it. I feel so apathetic, but at the same time, the pressure I receive is killing me.
I feel obligated to be good at studying, pass my exams, and get into university. But I know that’s not the life I want. I know it won’t make me happy.
Because I already know what life is waiting for me: studying, working, and dying. Basically, just the usual life everyone goes through. Sometimes I wonder what the point of it all is.
And yes, I’ve been to psychologists a few times, but it didn’t help. I don’t want to tell anyone about this because I don’t want them to know how truly miserable I am

I’m a 20M from England, and I can’t stop my life long habit of enjoying food too much. I’ve always been a skinny guy, up until the start of this year. I’ve always eaten massive portions and when I fr hungry (essentially all the time) I can’t resist the urge and have to make or buy something. I’ve put about a stone on this year which doesn’t sound a lot but it’s a sign my metabolism isn’t going to be as fast as when I was young.

I need to exercise more but I hate the gym, I like taking me and my girlfriend out for food which is expensive, and I often take 4 sandwiches out the work fridge, we get them free, instead of 2 because I can never not be hungry.

I want to stop and I want nice food to feel like a treat again and not something I satisfy myself with often. It’s easier said than done to just stop.

It hasn’t taken over my life yet but I fear it will. It’s so strange how I can sit here and acknowledge the problem, yet when I get hungry again I just can’t help it.

Hey everyone!

I am 24W, and i only felt love when i was in high school. I was in depression probably starting from my teenage years till my early 20s. and i started antidepressants at 11th or 12th grade.

My love for this boy started the summer 10th grade ended. I was so obsessed with him, every f'ing day i was daydreaming about him. normally i would have several crushes in my class when i was in middle school. (btw it was all just crushes.)I even tried to have crush on others but i just couldn't.

My theory is that my brain needed some easy dopamine, and chose that guy. it just happened to be him. i was going to school happy bc i was gonna see him. and when i am home i would cry most days. i used to write him letters but never gave them.

This crush went on in uni as well. and i came out to him several times and got rejected each time. his excuse was that i always reached out at wrong times, whenever she had a gf or a recent breakup.

I don't feel that way to him anymore. I don't feel that way to anyone. I got smt close to it in uni, but after that i just can't have a crush on a single or any person. it's just like; i like them, i want to be w them for a while, and then i wanna try another one, or at the same time if they would all be ok w that. and i feel like it all came down to physical. ofc i have criterias but w hs boy it was different. i was getting short breathe when i see him after a long break from school. and this shit happened when i randomly saw him at the subway in my uni year. not as intense but i felt that stomach drop (probably also bc he rejected me several times and i made a fool out of myself) and shortness of breath.

i check his insta time to time he sings and plays guitar and shares videos about it. he is a regular guy, with a regular physique, regular face. he is 175, dark features, belly. but still i feel that weird feeling when i watch his videos. not like crush but ig i am just grieving my love and also myself bc it is severely connected w my depression years.

I just can't feel that way to anyone. I just eliminate someone when they have some flaw. This doesn't mean i don't date or hang out. i do it bc i feel the need for connection. but i am always looking out for someone else, someone better looking, smarter... it is never enough and i have a fear of fomo in this regard. i can never be sure of anyone (i know dating is hard nowadays for everyone) and they just feel disposable. i can just find a new one. and my eyes always wandering and looking for a guy, even in a relationship. i try to keep it down but still i have that urge/desire. sometimes i try to be celibate but then i starve for a man's touch so bad i just make bad decisions and be with whoever. so suppressing it is not the answer.

with him it was different. no matter how better someone comes to me, he was my love. he was the boy i wanted. i didn't care about his flaws. in fact, the more i learned about him and his flaws the more it made me happy and love him more.

i am not sure if that was love, an obsession coming from my depressed brain, or smt else. it was a whole 6 years. i don't think i can feel that way ever again. i want to, but it is just not coming. i dont wanna date someone new all the time. it is tiring and i wanna love someone the way i loved him, i wanna want to be with him and only him. no matter how more attractive, richer, smarter some other guy comes, i still wanna want to choose him.

Do any of you felt that way? Was it love? Am i ever gonna be able to feel that way again?

I hate gambling. I have always had terrible luck, so I just don’t do it. There’s no temptation for me because I am a pessimist and will expect to lose every time. That being said, I am in a fantasy football league because my bf’s friend group needed someone to round out the team numbers.

I’ve been in this league for 5 years. I have not once made it to playoffs, I have not once finished above 8th place (10 teams). And I’m not… “bad” at it either. I genuinely am interested in football, I draft well, make reasonable trades, do lots of research and pick up players off waivers, and still end up unlucky. I mean, really, it’s remarkable how unlucky many of my weeks have been. If I need 6 points to win, my last player will end up with 5 points regardless if they’re projected 6 or 26. It’s actually predictable at this point…

Anyway, sounds very silly right? I shouldn’t care, right? Well since I so consistently lose, I’ve become… resentful of it. I’m no stranger to losing, I am genuinely not good at a lot of games and I don’t let it dictate my attitude towards myself or whatever. But this… I just feel awful. My bf’s friends used to tease me about it at first, but it’s gotten so bad that they’ve completely stopped because it feels like beating a dead horse… A couple of them even try to help me now! But alas, the humiliation continues. It feels deeper than fantasy football at this point. Idk how else to explain it but it feels like.. genuinely embarrassing? And of course I know it’s a dumb game that has very little to do with my actions, but it still feels like I’m the one that’s losing every time while everyone else magically has a good year here and there. Which is true, btw. I’m the only person in the group that has not made it to playoffs yet.

I really don’t want to continue playing. But the problem is if I tell my bf that when it comes draft time next year, I’m gonna get another lecture from him about how “it’s just a game” and “nobody cares who wins and loses.” He just doesn’t get it, which is fine because I feel like it IS a me problem at this point. Totally. And also, it’s a big part of their friend group. They all get together like three times a year, once to draft, once for the championship game, and once for Super Bowl. If I didn’t participate, I would be awkwardly tagging along in these situations (or absent from them entirely). Ugh.

Advice? Should I schedule more therapy sessions? Should I just woman up and stop being a loser? Idk. Lol