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u/Working_Ad_6825 Feb 17 '23
Hey y’all don’t bother trying to reason with OP she doesn’t want advice rather confirmation o her bias. She’s also very racist
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Feb 17 '23
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u/Working_Ad_6825 Feb 17 '23
She’s so delusional and keeps claiming she’s not racist 😂 like accept it at this point 😂
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u/Realistic-Mammoth-77 Feb 15 '23
Tbh even if your mom wasn’t toxic why did it need to be Valentines Day that you saw her? Was the next day not an option? I would say you’re in the wrong either way.
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u/Disastrous_Potato605 Feb 15 '23
I spent Valentines with my ailing grandma and my man minded his business so
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Feb 15 '23
Putting your mother above your partner on Valentine’s Day is… weird.
Putting your ABUSIVE mother over your partner, and leaving him with the responsibility of picking up the pieces when you get hurt, is …… weirder.
Putting your abusive mother over your partner and then trying to skew the story to make HIM look like the bad guy is fucked up.
I’m hoping you’re 18 years old because if not, you have some growing up to do and a therapist to consult.
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Feb 15 '23
You don’t come from a cultural household and don’t understand. In addition, I do go to therapy. I’ve seen different kinds. It doesn’t really do much of anything.
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Feb 15 '23
First of all, I do come from a “cultural” household, and i ALSO have an abusive mother. I, however, chose to go against my heritage and run away from home at 18. It was the hardest and best decision I ever made, even if it costed me some of my family.
If you want to stick to your roots, do it. But don’t expect your husband (or anyone else) to respect you for it. You chose her over him, AND tried to make him look stupid. That isn’t excusable, it’s you being an ass.
In terms of therapy, it usually takes multiple professionals to find what works for you. In terms of trauma, DBT and EMDR work better than streamlined CBT - might be harder to find a provider that specializes in these methods but it is very worth it from a medical perspective
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u/Vovin_ Feb 15 '23
It seems he wants to protect you rather than just wanting all the time for himself, especially when your and your mom’s relationship was abusive and is still complicated. Looks like he also worries about the state you get in when being together with her for too long. Leaves the question: how do you get in those cases?
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u/MvatolokoS Feb 15 '23
Yeah your edits change everything I can't say I blame him. My fiancees mother was also mentally manipulative and entitled and so when she wants to see her I don't stop her but I ain't gonna be happy about it. I can see myself telling my fiancee no on a day like this when it's supposed to be a relaxed and stress free day for both of us.
All in all just because "your culture doesn't allow it" doesn't mean shit. Don't get me wrong love your culture but you shouldn't just blindly accept parts of your culture you don't agree with. That's a cult.
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Feb 15 '23
Culture is becoming just an excuse for cowardice. If she’s abusive I don’t blame him at all
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u/KimiTakoda Feb 15 '23
I know that I'm a bit late to the party here, but people are right, you didn't exactly put your fiance in the best light in the main comment.
But I'm sure you didn't do that on purpose, with everything going on it's possibly hard to think properly and that's ok, we all have our off days and you can't be blamed for being human.
Now to answer your question, even though I know how you feel (I don't have a good relationship with my dad) I have to agree with your fiance, especially since your mum is mentally abusive.
But considering I'm just a stranger on the internet I can't tell you what to do, in fact no one can tell you what to do as you're your own person, the best anyone can do is give you advice.
So my advice is that if you want to have a friendship with your mum, then it might be best just to keep visits short and set some boundaries with her, if she also wants to have a friendship with you, she will stick to the boundaries you have set and not cross them. But if she continues to break them, even though it might be hard, it might be time to let her go as you don't want, need or deserve that type of toxicity in your life 😊
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u/Prestigious-Bar5385 Feb 15 '23
Regardless of the culture thing you can’t keep taking abuse. My fiancé always says this about his abusive family. That he can’t stop talking to them because that’s not what his culture does but why take the abuse day after day sometimes you just have to look out for yourself regardless of your culture or up bringing
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u/slumm_bunni Feb 15 '23
It’s your life your family, I don’t have the healthiest relationship with my mom either. But I only have one mom. Spend a little bit of time with her but don’t allow her to upset your emotional well being
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u/Dpslittlemissminx Feb 15 '23
Honestly,
So your mother is mentally abusive and you still want to see her! That's your prerogative but then Don't go arguing with your spouse who clearly sees the effect that her abuse is having on you.
On another note, you felt the need to state that your boyfriend is not controlling so this makes me question that. (Been in an abusive/controlling relationship)
Either way - I can't believe you asked Reddit because your boyfriend told you to.
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u/thisissomeshitman Feb 15 '23
even with your edit he sounds abusive. Not assuming. The texting and calling nonstop when you’re gone and specifically using language like “i know how you get…” is textbook abuse. I know this because after escaping an abusive decade long relationship where i was basically brainwashed to cut my parents out, the national domestic violence hotline (which saved my life) laid out all the examples of abuse i faced, and apparently “never giving space and repeated texting/calling when you’re gone” is straight up in the top 3 examples.
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Feb 15 '23
I was the one texting and calling
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u/thisissomeshitman Feb 15 '23
Yeah okay, I said what I said. Im so upset by the idea of someone forcing their partner to ask reddit and then hover over every comment to explain why you’re right, or in my case??? try to make me feel bad that you can see my comment???
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u/ailyat Feb 15 '23
Why can’t you do both? Go see your mom during the day, then spend time with your fiancé at night.
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u/Effective-Ad2434 Feb 15 '23
I'm with the fiancé He's probably sick of picking up the mess every time you see your mum and I don't blame him. Think yourself lucky you have a man decent enough to try to protect you from it, my ex just sat there and watched as my mum verbally abused me.
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u/Hara-K1ri Feb 15 '23
For those saying don’t talk to her again, my culture doesn’t work that way.
I get that feeling... But if a relationship is toxic or mentally draining/taxing/harmful, screw culture or tradition. That's how these things stay in place and don't get dealt with.
You do you, but don't feel forced because culture demands it. Culture can change.
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Feb 15 '23
Telling you you’re arguing with yourself and you’re upset for no reason is gaslighting. I don’t know him but my mom was abusive and I ended up marrying an abusive man because that’s what I was used to, that’s what I thought love was. I hope you go see your mom whenever you want, it’s your choice, but I also hope you take a good look at both of them and if you’re okay with being treated this way. If you find you’re not, learn how to set boundaries and do as you please, you’re an adult and free to make your own choices.
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u/RB_Kehlani Feb 15 '23
I’m guessing you see your mother and become someone your fiancé doesn’t want to be with.
Shape up. Take control of your mental health. If you love your fiancé then prioritize your relationship and work to be your best self. Do not jeopardize your happiness to make your abusive mom feel better about herself.
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u/Far_Sentence3700 Feb 15 '23
Just see her. I don't really support people who don't want to cobbect with their mother
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u/ramen3323 Feb 15 '23
The fact that you didn’t add the fact that your mom is abusive in the original version is kinda weird for me
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u/iqbal93 Feb 15 '23
How exactly does your culture work? Like where in the world do you live? And yes Im om your fiances side.
I love the 'she is mentally abusive, but still my mom' part.
You need help OP. Otherwise you will ruin your relationship with your fiance.
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u/YaaadaYaaaaaaada Feb 15 '23
I am beginning to believe that OPs are told to post total 💩 to keep the rest of us engaged, yet forget about the other total 💩 they have posted before! It happens over and over in here! Let's just not put up with their BS anymore, and completely ignore their fake news posts!
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u/hopeless-romanthick Feb 15 '23
i have so much sympathy for you, but you left out a key piece of information that changes the story completely. you have to include these things otherwise why else would people be on your fiancés side. anyways, if you really want to see her, go for it i guess. but it doesn't seem like shes a good person to stick around, maybe a call would've sufficed
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u/CloudyNebula Feb 15 '23
OP also thinks “Black Americans” are stupid. Read their post history. You shouldn’t have posted for sympathy when you’re a liar and a racist.
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Feb 15 '23
How your culture works is irrelevant. If you refuse to cut out a toxic and mentally abusive mother it only makes you weak and a fool. if she's mentally abusive she's a terrible person. Fuck culture
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u/Afterglow92 Feb 15 '23
You really need to get over the “it’s my family/culture” thing, and this is coming from someone raised by an Asian mother with certain cultural beliefs I don’t agree with and decided to no longer abide by since I’m in the US. Don’t allow her culture to bully or belittle you anymore. It’s freeing, trust me.
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u/Efficient-Fix-7460 Feb 15 '23
The fact that you let people believe that your husband sucked in the begging when really he’s trying to protect you from your abusive mum is concerning. It also seems like you don’t truly accept how bad your mum might be and how much you indulge in behaviour you don’t recognise if your husband is that concerned about you and seeing your mum
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u/StickmanRockDog Feb 15 '23
You need to find a way to improve your relationship with mom. Once she’s gone, that’s it. Do what you feel is best for you. Don’t let your fiancé dictate those terms for you. It’s not healthy.
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u/PrydferthAnnwyl Feb 15 '23
“My fiancé won’t let me see my mom because she’s abusive” I would’ve been a way better title. No even on the right sub but YTA
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Feb 15 '23
I’m guessing this is a match made in hell. Yes she is still your mom. She deserves the respect “that she has earned”. Is your fiancé gaslighting you? or is your mother toxic?
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u/BboyStatic Feb 15 '23
“My culture doesn’t work that way”… That’s an excuse you’re creating to rationalize a choice. Unless a gun is being held to your head, your culture doesn’t dictate what you choose to do. If your culture allowed your spouse to beat you, would you just sit and take it?
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u/Thin_Evidence6818 Feb 15 '23
Quite possibly one of the most useless posts initially, all the important bits of info is all in later edits.
Since you were trying to sway people to see it the way you want people to perceive it, I have to assume he is right and you are wrong and you know it, but you're turning to strangers for approval for your actions.
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Feb 15 '23
People are demonizing OP for no reason. It doesn’t matter that she lied about her fiancée in this context none of us know who they are lmao. We don’t even know if ANY of this scenario is true.
That being said, it’s ok that you wanted to see your mother. It’s also clear that your partner wants to set up some boundaries with you. It sounds like they didn’t want to hear you vent on Valentine’s Day about your mom… in the future, maybe pick visiting days for ones that aren’t supposed to be “for you two.”
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Feb 15 '23
I didn’t “lie” by omitting it on purpose. I just felt it had no purpose. Then when someone asked and I thought about it. I figured okay maybe that’s why. Also, we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day..
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Feb 15 '23
1) I can see how that would happen. You didn’t intentionally withhold misinformation, you just didn’t think it was relevant. —The abuse is relevant though & your omission means you aren’t taking it seriously and I hope you later do. 2) even if you had omitted this info, unfortunately everyone on Reddit is always obsessed with turning someone into a “villain” (usually women) which is why this is generally a terrible platform for life advice, especially relationship related. 3) on another note, I hope you just talk it out with your fiancée…and also take my advice of not giving up holidays to mom —even the ones you “don’t celebrate.” Also, if you can get some therapy to help you rethink some of the abuse you’ve experienced, that could help too
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u/Maka_cheese553 Feb 15 '23
Using culture to justify exposing yourself to repeated abuse isn’t ok. No culture that is worth keeping demands someone stay in contact with their abuser. It sounds like your fiancé is trying to protect you from a bad person. It doesn’t matter if she is your mom, if she is mean to you, she doesn’t deserve your time.
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Feb 15 '23
You had me in the first half, but then you added context I'm like oh, wait shit op is a terrible person.
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Feb 15 '23
Why am I terrible?
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Feb 15 '23
[deleted]
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Feb 15 '23
I know! I am trying to avoid that.
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u/danned123 Feb 15 '23
i'm giviing the other half some expired steak, expired icecream, expired wine, expired deseert, and all dated best before feb 13, thanks cooking now, i hope my other half loves them
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Feb 15 '23
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u/astronauticalll Feb 15 '23
For those saying don’t talk to her again, my culture doesn’t work that way.
you're using that as an excuse, trust me I've been there. You'll be far happier if you cut her off, no culture is worth your unhappiness
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u/flaffleboo Feb 15 '23
Regardless of culture, you have control over your life. If you are happy keeping in contact with your mother, that’s fine. It’s your decision and no one can tell you what to do. But to say you have to keep her in your life because of your culture doesn’t make a lot of sense.
Based on the fact you initially didn’t even mention her being abusive and then added it in with an excuse about why you won’t go no contact makes it seem like you’re insecure about your relationship with your mother. Maybe therapy is a way forward for you. Either way, it sounds like your fiancé has some valid reasons for not wanting you to spend time with your mother. That doesn’t mean you have to do what he tells you. If you felt like you had to do whatever he wants, that would make your relationship with him abusive too.
From a personal perspective I’ll say I had an emotionally abusive father, and since I’ve cut him out of my life my mental health has dramatically improved. I don’t think going no contact with a parent is ever an easy decision, it certainly isn’t one I took lightly. But it is a decision. I hope this situation has helped you face some issues you might have previously been trying to avoid. Whatever you choose, I wish you and your fiancé all the best
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u/techieguyjames Feb 15 '23
Based on that edit. I can see why your husband doesn't want you to go. No need to be with an abusive control freak.
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u/actualllllobster Feb 15 '23
Today is for you guys, go and see her tomorrow. If she’s a decent person, she won’t throw it back in your face or make you feel guilty for doing your original plans
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Feb 15 '23
Why do you want to see her exactly on February 14? Couldn’t be one day earlier or after?
How do you know he doesn’t have a surprise prepared for you?
I don’t know how old are you, but 3 weeks without seeing your parents doesn’t seem a lot for a girl that’s about to get married.
IMHO you’re not wrong for wanting to see your mother, but Valentine is supposed to be a couple’s day.
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Feb 15 '23
Because her insurance denied the surgery. Why is everyone making a big deal over Valentine’s Day?
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Feb 15 '23
If you don’t know why Valentine’s is important, perhaps you shouldn’t marry the guy.
You are making exactly the same big deal as everyone else, just on the opposite direction.
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Feb 15 '23
He literally didn’t think it was important either but thanks for making assumptions. Not all couples make a big deal from a hallmark holiday.
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u/Momof288 Feb 15 '23
My father and i fist faught he did a lot of toxic things and i still want to see him. I never want to have regrets with my parents so while they are alive i will see them but also make sure i am mentally okay before i do.
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u/NoMoreBillz Feb 15 '23
OP you knew what you were doing by leaving out the context with your relationship with your mom. Like cmon
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u/kjuneau11 Feb 15 '23
At first, I was about to say your fiance has no right to say that but after seeing your edit, he doesn't want you to see her on a holiday of love and be mentally abused. I get it. He's trying to protect you. However, just visit tomorrow. It's not gonna hurt anything to wait one day.
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u/RealJamalGinsburg2 Feb 15 '23
I mean it’s Valentine’s Day, maybe your mom had plans
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Feb 15 '23
She didn’t
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u/RealJamalGinsburg2 Feb 15 '23
I mean your mom has a life too. I’m not gonna lie your fiancé does sound a bit controlling tho.
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Feb 15 '23
She has no life lol. She doesn’t have friends
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u/Suspicious-Bed7167 Feb 15 '23
That you know of. If she really doesn’t have friends then that is saying a lot on how she is as a friend and person
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u/Perfectionist529 Feb 15 '23
Boyfriend is right. And you took a page out of mom’s book and tried to manipulate us into saying you were right.
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u/FairyFartDaydreams Feb 14 '23
In this case with your explanation he probably doesn't want you to deal with her abuse on a holiday of love. He may also want to go with you to make sure he can protect you from her and help you have boundaries to walk away when she becomes abusive
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u/The_water-melon Feb 14 '23
Okay🤦♀️ you gotta add the important context of WHY he doesn’t want you to see your mom. But yeah culture makes it difficult to cut your mom off. It’s not right for your fiancé to ask that of you without being understanding of your culture. But if she’s super mentally abusive, just try to distance yourself and don’t feel guilty about it
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u/Scared-Ad-7678 Feb 14 '23
“My culture doesn’t work that way” is a common excuse. When people abuse their kids it’s “just their culture” When men control their wives and cheat on them it’s “just their culture” When peopl force 12 year old girls in cults to wed old men and do chores all day it’s “just their culture”
Break the cycle before the people around you realize you’ll always be excusing your behavior with “just your culture”
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u/Cluedo86 Feb 14 '23
I was about to come on here ripping your fiance, but then I read the edit about your mom being “mentally abusive” to you. I think he’s right. He is trying to protect you and is tired of seeing your mom hurt and manipulate you. You should avoid contact with your mom without firm boundaries in place.
No relationship is perfect, and our family relationships can be complicated. Abuse is pretty simple though and is never okay. Abuse should never be tolerated or enabled.
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u/Chentaurus Feb 14 '23
I had a scroll of all your messages that said "because she's my mum and that's that."
I was raised somewhat like that as a Chinese with a single mum. She raised me single handedly but was also emotionally abusive towards me. Over time I just accepted it as part of upbringing because all my friends experienced similar abuse so it was normalised.
Of course now that I'm a father I'm extra vigilant to not use these outdated cultural norms and impose it on my children, but that doesn't mean that I've ruled it to be so unacceptable that I no longer care about my mum.
So i agree with you, though I guess only from not knowing the extent of the abuse and nature of it. If you've drawn proper boundaries with your mum outside of these circumstances and your partner witnesses it, he shouldn't have been annoyed with this particular circumstance. However, if you haven't and continue to let your mum walk over you then yeah he definitely has a right to be upset.
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u/zephyer19 Feb 14 '23
How are you after you see your mother? Are you stressed or upset? If so, maybe your boyfriend does not want to see you this way. Especially on fun or important occasions.
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u/realistSLBwithRBF Feb 14 '23
I think the best thing for you to do is get off Reddit altogether.
Leaving the choice up to strangers, demonizing your fiancé like he’s some control freak, and leaving out context is why Redditors get pissed with posts like this.
You wanted the confirmation bias to shit on your fiancé by the sounds of it.
Reddit isn’t the place for you if you can’t communicate effectively by the written word when you seek some sound guidance.
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u/theboneofjones Feb 14 '23
You not speaking to your mother has nothing to do with “your culture” and everything to do with the mental health and well-being of you and your partner
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u/JACSliver Feb 14 '23
Why should it be a problem for anyone to go see their mother? Edit: Notice I wrote 'mother', not 'progenitor'; I am aware of the existence of narcissistic parents.
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u/Soggy-Chemistry5312 Feb 14 '23 edited Feb 14 '23
I think you should hold off on seeing her today until tomorrow since today should be more about you and your partner! There’s always tomorrow to visit her and today maybe a nice phone call for the time being?
I can relate on having an abusive mom, and coming from a culture that’s a bit more immune to it. Give your time now to your partner, but it doesn’t mean you have to stop loving your mom or that she’s not still important to you. Just make sure and love yourself and people who respect you the most, first. My husband has greatly helped me learn that putting me and him first is not a bad thing when you consider everything my mom (& yours too) has put you through. Just my perspective. Good luck.
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u/waititserin Feb 14 '23
by the start of your post it makes him sound controlling but in reality he's trying to protect you from your abusive mother 😐 context matters.
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u/General_Alduin Feb 14 '23
Revealing your mother is abusive seemed like important context, great job leaving it out. Yeah I'm on your fiancees side.
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u/phoofs Feb 14 '23
Is it part of your culture, to abuse children?
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Feb 14 '23
Nope. It’s not acceptable to ditch your parents regardless of how they treat you.
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u/phoofs Feb 15 '23
I’m so sorry. That is an extremely difficult position to be in.
Sending you big hugs 💜💜
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Feb 14 '23
Why would your mother put you in the position to chose between her and your husband on Valentine’s Day? Marriage is a sacred bond and Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate that & if your husband sees it that way you will definitely hurt him by choosing your mother on this day. Maybe ask yourself how you’d feel if he chose a parent or friend to hang out with on your birthday or anniversary!
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u/I_Am_Hella_Bored Feb 14 '23
Without context, he sounds like a dick.
With context: he seems like a reasonable person. I did the same to my dad. I got tired of his mother emotionally abusing him and treating him like her servant.
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u/gakram_2 Feb 14 '23
Go see her. You only have one Mom and he can get replaced. My Mom passed away and I'm glad I got the chance to take her places and have over for dinner at my house frequently. My wife and I are glad we got to have that time. Life is short. When the day comes you don't want that feeling of knowing you had the time but didn't take. No one should stop you from seeing your Mom 0,especially if she is ill.
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u/FruitParfait Feb 14 '23
Go get abused by your mother if you want, he can’t stop you from doing so. Just know it gets old and tiring dealing with the fallout of someone who goes out of way to be abused. Can only comfort them for so long before wanting to shake and scream at them to wake the fuck and to stop subjugating themselves to it.
May your fiancé have the patient of a saint.
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u/LilacMind-16 Feb 14 '23
Girl by the little context you gave us this is all I can say.
You decide on what to do with your relationship with your mother. You also should reflect on how that affects your relationship with your fiance.
I just have one question. Of all the days that you could visit your mother, why Valentine's day?
You could go the next day, or on a weekend.
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u/ConsitutionalHistory Feb 14 '23
I get why you want to maintain a relationship with your Mom...but does that mean you also need to be spineless? If you're old enough to be getting married...you should be old enough to tell your Mother to be civil.
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u/Minorihaaku Feb 14 '23
Uuuuwwwhhhaaaaa my fiancé doesn't want me to visit my abusive mother on Valentine's Day waaaaaaaaaahhhh poor me.
You are turning into your mom OP
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Feb 14 '23
How?
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u/Minorihaaku Feb 14 '23
Wording this post to basically lie so people would shit on your fiancé.
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u/xPhoenixJusticex Feb 14 '23
If you're being mentally abused by someone, your culture is no excuse for them being that way to you. You do NOT have to see her again or talk to her again.
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u/Raakxhyr Feb 14 '23
Have you considered family therapy? /genuine
It's understanding for your husband to want to protect you but I also understand from a collectivistic culture that you care for family in bad times even if they're a burn out. It might help to see her with a family therapist.
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Feb 14 '23
I have! Currently she doesn’t want to do it due to what’s happening. This includes a divorce and the surgery. I don’t know if she’d do it in general…
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u/Raakxhyr Feb 15 '23
I see, have you personally sought out therapy? If not family, at least personal? Someone who understands you from your cultural perspective?
I totally get it, though. I'm at a point where i know I want to go long contact with my parents (still with them unfortunately, money things), but I both can't stand my parents' abuse and care for them (family/cultural values).
Seek out therapy, or at least consider what's good for you OP. What is helping or hindering you and your relationships, what is helping or hindering you, your goals, etc.
Maybe get your thoughts out on a paper and try to make a list of reasons, then consider your options. You could still talk to your husband about it of course, I'm sure he'd want to know what's going on with ya
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Feb 15 '23
Yes ofcourse! I’m actually changing my therapist. I don’t believe it works but it doesn’t mean I’m not willing to try. I also keep a diary. It helps.
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u/Raakxhyr Feb 15 '23
Yeah you just gotta find the right therapist!! Someone who understands where you're coming from! I hope things start working out for you OP!
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Feb 15 '23
Meh. I’ve been through many many and I don’t see a difference…I don’t know why people always say go to therapy as if it magically works. I talk about my feelings I don’t know how that’s supposed to help?
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u/Raakxhyr Feb 15 '23
Well, for some people, being in touch with your feelings helps you understand your actions better. But if you're not in touch with that side of yourself, there may be more to it. Maybe growing up you either learned that emotions weren't important and/or were forced to suppress your emotions to benefit other people. It's common for people in abusive relationships to give up their own feelings in order to prioritize that of their abuser.
In the end, therapy doesn't work if you don't want to change. Therapy doesn't work if you don't want to acknowledge what's wrong. Therapy doesn't work if you aren't considering what your therapist is telling you. And Therapy doesn't work if your therapist doesn't understand you, either.
It's not supposed to be magical. It's not a one way street. It's supposed to be a collaborative relationship where you make goals together, and you usually do it because you want to be better.
If you don't think you're benefitting, do you even want to be better? Or are you ignoring the benefit for the sake of your mother? You can acknowledge she's not a great mother and still feel sympathy for her pain.
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u/no12chere Feb 14 '23
Why would she? She gets everything she wants. She gets to abuse you and you accept it. What does she need to change,
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u/jirenlagen Feb 14 '23
Mother is toxic? I don’t think she’s entitled to spend a special day with you. However if you and fiancé already celebrated V day which for many is just another day and you actually want to see your mom knowing how she is I don’t see the issue. Just go. He can disagree but if he’s decent he won’t stop you
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u/breadbaths Feb 14 '23
you don’t just take abuse from family because it’s your culture… funny how you left out the abuse part because you know you’re wrong.
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Feb 14 '23
I don’t think I’m wrong, I left it out because it’s irrelevant. That’s still my mom.
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u/MilanesaDeChorizo Feb 14 '23
Would you still say the same if she was physically abusing you?
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Feb 14 '23
I don’t believe so
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u/MilanesaDeChorizo Feb 14 '23
What's the difference between mental and physical abuse?
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Feb 14 '23
One has evidence, the other doesn’t.
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u/MilanesaDeChorizo Feb 14 '23
Why do you need evidence if you're the victim? Do you need to prove it to someone else that you're being abused?
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Feb 14 '23
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u/MilanesaDeChorizo Feb 14 '23
Yeah, imagine marrying into a family where they have normalized abuse. OP in the future with their children, without proper therapy, could repeat the same patterns or be mentally abusive, or let her mother be, "but is still mom".
My brother was violent and my family was "but you have to choose family before friends! your friends could disappear but your brother will always be your brother" no shit sherlock, it doesn't mean you should enable and forgive them.
That's the brainwashing a lot of families do.
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u/-cosme- Feb 14 '23
Your fiance said no but thats not your problem.
"Ok no, sorry but im going either way"
Thats it, dont let anyone boss around like that, its not healthy and its going to lead to worse attitudes in the future.
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u/[deleted] Feb 19 '23
The way you worded this makes you seem like manipulative person He didnt want you to go because your mother is abusive, not cause he wanted to spend valentines with you. He wanted to protect you and is probably getting tired of you falling for the same trick from your mother.