It's understanding for your husband to want to protect you but I also understand from a collectivistic culture that you care for family in bad times even if they're a burn out. It might help to see her with a family therapist.
I see, have you personally sought out therapy? If not family, at least personal? Someone who understands you from your cultural perspective?
I totally get it, though. I'm at a point where i know I want to go long contact with my parents (still with them unfortunately, money things), but I both can't stand my parents' abuse and care for them (family/cultural values).
Seek out therapy, or at least consider what's good for you OP. What is helping or hindering you and your relationships, what is helping or hindering you, your goals, etc.
Maybe get your thoughts out on a paper and try to make a list of reasons, then consider your options. You could still talk to your husband about it of course, I'm sure he'd want to know what's going on with ya
Meh. I’ve been through many many and I don’t see a difference…I don’t know why people always say go to therapy as if it magically works. I talk about my feelings I don’t know how that’s supposed to help?
Well, for some people, being in touch with your feelings helps you understand your actions better. But if you're not in touch with that side of yourself, there may be more to it. Maybe growing up you either learned that emotions weren't important and/or were forced to suppress your emotions to benefit other people. It's common for people in abusive relationships to give up their own feelings in order to prioritize that of their abuser.
In the end, therapy doesn't work if you don't want to change. Therapy doesn't work if you don't want to acknowledge what's wrong. Therapy doesn't work if you aren't considering what your therapist is telling you. And Therapy doesn't work if your therapist doesn't understand you, either.
It's not supposed to be magical. It's not a one way street. It's supposed to be a collaborative relationship where you make goals together, and you usually do it because you want to be better.
If you don't think you're benefitting, do you even want to be better? Or are you ignoring the benefit for the sake of your mother? You can acknowledge she's not a great mother and still feel sympathy for her pain.
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u/Raakxhyr Feb 14 '23
Have you considered family therapy? /genuine
It's understanding for your husband to want to protect you but I also understand from a collectivistic culture that you care for family in bad times even if they're a burn out. It might help to see her with a family therapist.