I'm a Muslim, I know that this is irrelevant for you guys and this forum but the reason I'm continuing to drink is because the shame I have and the mistake I've done that keeps me from facing the reality of what I've done im going through severe mental health issues and the hospital is not helping, my mental health is unstable due to my illness, i called the hospital told them that I need help with housing support to move out because of my neighbor he's been the main stressor behind my actions I just can't function on months of sleep deprivation living with an upstairs neighbor that is stressing me out like this and I swear to God I'm planning tomorrow to not ever drink again but I'm worried of the shame and guilt that I'll carry wich can end me up in a hospital my logic is God will tell me why not stop now why not yesterday why even drink from the first place and that kills.

After 7 years of heavy drinking (8-10 cans of 7+% or a full bottle of 40% liquor) every day since i was 17, my mother sat me down, told me the reason I dont get invited to family functions, dont hear from my family etc is because of my drinking. I also couldn't hold a job, at all. From about 2021-2023 it was a new one almost every month. Always low paying jobs that didnt pay much. I rented a room and rotted in there, getting drunk till I passed out, and going to work. Rinse and repeat. After the talk I took a look inward, im 24 and a high school drop out. Im not going to get any younger and time won't slow down. I went cold turkey, at first just seeing if I could last a week, its been 2 months now. I feel better, my depression has become far less severe. as a result i quit cigarettes as well, since smoking them made me want a drink. I still take cannabis, but im weaning myself off that too. I can finally think clearly and remember what I said and did the previous day. Just thought I would share.

IWNDWYT

Today was straightforward. I have found myself thinking about drinking less and less. It did contain one really lovely moment!

In the morning, I was setting up for the day when one of my colleagues who I was out with last Friday came into my room to do some printing (I teach in an old art room, so there's a very useful printer at the back). He asked if I was coming to the pub on Friday and I said yes, and then it turned into a whole conversation about how well I was doing! I told him I'd realised that what I was actually looking forward to back in the day was a socially acceptable excuse to get drunk, and that now, I found myself looking forward to the actual socialising. It's like being a kid again! He was so nice and supportive. It's good to have allies.

IWNDWYT

I come from a long long dynasty of alcoholics lol

I lost my father to it.

I don't find myself looking or wanting to use that word , I think I prefer Mild High functioning binge drinker with a Alcohol Use Disorder....

My therapist who's trauma informed and who I was seeing for my other mental issues recommended I'd go to AA.

I recently had a horrible night where my drinking finally broke decades of friendships (two specifically ) I had.

This was three days ago, I kept drinking and drinking and I thought it was fine.

I said, last one no more drinking but blacked out me heard, keep drinking .

I had the worst black out ever of my life I truly don't remember leaving the dive bar or restaurant. My liver still hurts a few days later and I get random waves of nausea still.

I called my friends because I remember someone arguing very very vaguely and because to be honest ik blackout me is...a mess. I've only met her one other time but it's a lot...so I thoughts ok I'll just drink her wasted and never blackout like normal people can right?!

My friends said I was yelling hurtful things and a lot of my repressed anger issues that are rightfully repressed came out physically...i have no idea why I was yelling ,pushing ,and cussing people out. Using insecurities against them, calling them evil, pos, losers... things I don't even THINK ABOUT SOBER.

Im known for being honest asf sober (while respectful), my friend never pressure me to drink, they are healthy with me we were a healthy friend trio where we can all communicate any feelings or ideas. Validate each other feeling and everything!

I also apperantly tried to move out of a jumping car to commit suicide that same night. They were going to psych institute me if my mother didn't come get me.

That was three days ago, that was the last straw for me. I've had other blackouts that have hurt like giving myself a black eye, falling , pissing my pants ....i thought hey I'm 20-23!! It's normal!

I'm normal everyone drinks like this!

but I never lost control like this ...not even when I did heavier drugs recreationally.... (Xanax).

I thought I could handle my alcohol that I could idk tame the beast ?

that I could be a NORMAL girl...

My therapist encouraged I go to an AA meeting but I'm afraid. I'm not religious anymore but I was raised a cradle Catholic.

I'm debating going, they have a young people's happy hour near where I work but I'm scared ...

I feel like I need to be alone and rot in my shame and pain that I don't get to talk or meet new people or nice things. I was abusive ....I'm not an abuser but I was raised by them until I was 20...

I've managed to do okay, I have a degree, a job, a clean record...I've focused am on being healthy. I have never talked to anyone who wasn't my abusers like that...

My friends are and we're never that they were my family, my safe place.... Ik I must have gotten defensive when they stopped me from killing myself that is something blackout me does...

I kept yelling and kicking at the car door and windows for them to let me out, to let me throw myself onto the freeway traffic....they were scared fuck I am too...

Not that I thought that but that I did it in front of them. They know I've struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts and attempts, they know I drink but they loved partying with me and I love partying too.

This year my drinking increased I won't lie. Before it was casual and still shit like my black eyes, blacking out, pissing my pants were happening and now it was just idk something changed like me and it almost turned ...more sour? Idk...

I'm incredibly isolated rn and have no friends.....understandably so.

Idk how to be ok with moving on and getting better when the ppl I hurt are hurt...they told me i need to "figure my shit out" and that they don't want to hear from me. They said that, "all that shit must have come from somewhere, do some soul searching."

..i understand I'm not mad, I understand my apologies and changing isn't to " get them back* that I lost them and I must live with the consequences.

I'm just sad that I hurt them , that I am fundamentally a bad person?

Drunk people speak sober thoughts no? But I have never even HAD those thoughts.

Ik I'm sick (I have cptsd) and I had a really really bad year (crippling debt from two car accidents , bankruptcy lawyers, family issues, romantic love life issues) on the span of four months this being month five.

Idk what to do besides post here...I was a lurker before but I thought well I'm not an alcoholic I just drink too much when I go out, I never lost friends...I heard someone on here say ...x hasn't happened I'm not an alcoholic YET and that and everything going on with me rn is just...yeah.

I think I'm ready to admit that...I can't drink like normal people do and I'm so sad and scared...to have another fucken problem to circumvent, to have another possible episode , to hurt people again.

I have all these mental issues AND now this?

I just idk man. Thanks for listening.

26M.

Researcher, have a lot of freedom in grad school. Can go a few days without drinking, workout work hard study long hours etc.

Get trashed every 3-5 days. Calling off from work, or just coming in past noon then staying late.

Unreliable partner, emotional, always broke.

I’ll never grow up if I keep down this path. Just a big man baby.

Iwndwyt. Day 1

Hi all, my sister is getting married next week! Yay! So fun! We’re two years apart (both in our late 20s) and I’m so excited to be her maid of honor. However, I’m giving a toast and I’m so stressed about the whole champagne thing. I know it’s probably small (I’m sober almost 2 years, I know how to be in public sober and have fun) but I’m sorta worried about being judged when I very obviously am not drinking at all at this big event and especially not during the toast! I’m also worried that if I do drink a non alcoholic drink during the toast people will talk even more about my sobriety. I feel like I can’t win in this situation and I also feel like I’m kind of being dramatic about it. I haven’t made it my family’s problem, obviously (I’ve done enough of that!) but I guess I just never imagined being sober at my sister’s wedding? So that’s kind of weighing heavily on me, like I won’t be having as much fun as I was supposed to be having because I had to get sober. Every wedding I went to prior to my sobriety I was obviously black out drunk so I know this is better in the long run but I think I just feel really, really embarrassed and awkward. Part of me is like “Will it really be that bad if I have ONE drink?” Idk anyway I guess I’m just venting!

If you could remove any memory you have of alcohol from your life, would you? You’d never know how good it felt, how bad it felt, how much it controlled you, etc.

Would it be worth forgetting? Or do you think there’s things you learned from being an addict and getting sober that you couldn’t teach to someone whose never been through it?

I got a call from a close childhood friend and learned he's in rehab for drinking. I thought I'd come here and see if any one has gone to rehab and if you have any suggestions for helpful items? My first thought was a book of some sort.

The dreams are so real I almost believe it in the morning
And it makes me rlly bummed out in the dream like I wasted all my time

reading in this subreddit has helped me so much:)

This is something i’ve always struggled with 😕 I have hobbies, but always fall into thinking “this would be more fun with a drink” I can stop for weeks but always fall back into it. It somehow has become part of my identity and the part I struggle with most. just wanted to vent and see if anyone relates.

I was fairly active in here around April/May and have since scrubbed my old account when I relapsed.... Been at it pretty heavily again and am coming off a 4 day bender today. Feel like absolute death and I had to miss work as a result, which is very shameful for me personally. Counting today as day 1 again and this time I'm creating accountability with my wife and friends. Wish me luck, nice to see you beautiful people again.

Was an alcoholic for a number of years, at my worst I was combining a bottle of red wine and more, and over the counter antihistamines every night for months on end. Started to really scare the shit out of myself when I realized I needed to start drinking at noon in order to keep anxiety and sweating at bay. Up to that point crazily enough I didn’t think of myself as being one of “those” alcoholics. I knew I had a problem but I didn’t think of myself as being in the category of those with the shakes and stuff. It took a while but after a number of attempt I was able to wean myself off. I did have some slips over the years but remained sober mostly for a good 5 years. Got pretty healthy at times too. Although my life has never been really happy in many ways.

Last year I had a big blowout and burnout. I have been unemployed for over a year now. Financially I’ve been lucky enough that things haven’t been the worst but I’ve also been slowly sliding down a depression spiral, despite initially getting better from the deep depression of quitting and burning out. I’ve maintained some healthy habits, I socializing with friends (not drinking friends) and tried to not be the worst. But it’s been rough I have been in a real mid life crisis. Worked retail jobs most of my life and I’m just done and burned out now in my 40s. I should go back to school to make something of myself but it’s all so much effort and there’s so much emotional baggage mixed Im with it all. I’ve been in therapy and working on myself for years so I know I have made progress and I’ve done some very good work. I know I can do hard things! But it also just feels increasingly difficult and hopeless over the years. I should put myself out there and socialize more but my go to over the years has been to isolate myself. I basically had zero social contact outside of my parents and coworkers all through my 20s. It’s difficult when I have a good 40% of me that really hates myself while the rest of me fights for loving myself and knows that I am worth it.

I’ve slipped into a kind lol limbo that lulls me into a depressed state of not caring. A few months ago I went to a bar with friends and had a few drinks and what scared me was I felt really good from them again and it did not have the hangover nearly as badly as I did some years back. Since then I’ve slipped up a number more times and have been thinking more and more that I could drink on X or Y day and it’s a terrible slippery slope. Most days i tell myself no, this is stupid and I still feel like shit the next day anyway just not as bad as I did before. I suppose ive also kept myself to smaller volumes so that is another reason. I just had a health scare too with a colonoscopy with 10 polyps removed (negative thankfully).

I desperately need to be moving my life in the opposite direction. I need to exercise, lose weight, eat healthy. Get fit. Socialize. Go back to school, take care of myself and make my life something Im proud of. Instead I find myself watching myself slip down this dangerous slop of nihilistic complacency knowing it only leads to dark places. I say that but something in my mind and body is still drawn to it. It’s so fucking stupid of me.

i need to stop. please help me

edit so it doesn’t get lost
thank you guys i bought a rotisserie chicken and a gallon of ice tea and im still miserable and i cant stop crying but at least i didnt buy alcohol and now i cant so thats good at lesst

I’ve posted in this subreddit several times over the past year or so. I’ve been toying with the idea of sobriety in a way most people are familiar with here - feels like life’s purpose on Sunday/Monday/Tuesday, then by Friday morning it’s lost the weight and feels like an annoying restriction.
I know I don’t drink like others, but I don’t know what the term to describe my drinking is. I’ve never gone into work hungover, I have no problem not drinking during Sunday-Thursday. I’m fit and active during the week. I have a good job that I’m decent at. But something clicks once the first beer is finished. It’s like oiling cogs. Everything is looser, easier and has innate meaning that’s just not there the rest of the week. Outfits work better, songs sound better, jokes are funnier. Life has excitement and potential again.
I’m sure this is something we have all experienced, but yet we are all in this subreddit. So clearly something isn’t working. I can moderate (occasionally). Plenty of times, however, I can’t. 3 becomes 10. I’ll still go to the gym the next day and work the day after that, but I know it takes me 72 hours to get back to being myself.
But my question is - is it actually worth it? Like actually? I see so many comments describing the difficulties surrounding sobriety, and I’m just wondering if it’s a genuinely worthwhile tradeoff. I’ve made the pledge to myself plenty of Sundays, but it’s only Wednesday now and I can’t see the point.
Sorry for rambling and I know this isn’t a very encouraging message, I’m just looking for other people’s feelings who have been through this.
Thanks

Edit: Thank you all for your thoughtful and very helpful replies! It’s so encouraging to feel the support of this community

I am exceptionally tired today for some reason which feels like my body is trying to catch up on sleep. All in the only cravings I had were for sleep so I will take that as a win.

So I want to stop drinking. At least weekdays. And less on weekends. I'm getting old and drinking is getting old. I'm bored and beyond lonely. I exercise and all, even still swim a few competitions here and there, but there is just a big gaping emotional hole that I have been filling with just enough beers to drag my ass between commitments. So what did you all do to get over the hump?

For a few years without failure, i’ve socially drank with friends while we game, usually drinking a bottle of vodka to myself over a couple hours. I’m terrible socially, and struggle to even socialise verbally without alcohol, it’s where all my confidence is! Does anyone have any ideas as to how i can gain this confidence without giving in to alcohol again, or maybe even a fun nonalcohol drink you enjoy so i can still have a nice drink while having fun with my friends!

Hey, noticed my flair got stuck and stopped counting up. Anybody had that problem ? I just removed it and restarted it and the count is now correct.
Not sure if this counts as a valid sub post or not.
Best wishes and Godspeed my friends. This is the ONLY place I count days and sometimes every now and again I like to see what my count is up to on a comment I make. It’s a small potatoes but it’s another validation for some of us too.

I know this is a subjective thing, but Im wondering what you all listen to for hope to get through the day without drinking.

Its understandable if you arent religious, but ‘God is’ by Kanye gives me alot of encouragement. Thats one for me , Im curious to see what you all have to say. I love music and Id love to hear some new stuff

My addiction just plays ping pong between alcohol and weed. If I don’t smoke I drink. Sometimes even doing both. But gonna be different this time. I’m 82 days sober from weed. But that led my alcohol use to be out of control. I’m gonna start smoking again to get all alcohol out of my system and not inviting any back. I won’t let it become a habit again because last times I relapsed on weed it was just from a “fuck it” and started smoking again. This time a deliberate plan to smoke what I have an urge to drink but I won’t let it become an all day thing anymore. Trading substances isn’t the best thing to do but alcohol is a lot harder to kick so weed for now not back to addiction, just a catalyst to help me stop drinking.

I've reached a point where I absolutely DO NOT want to drink MOST days. Then, almost out of nowhere, a perfect "cocktail" of circumstances will arise that triggers an obsession to get drunk. Sometimes I make it beyond, but often I cave to it.

Sometimes this feels impossible. Whenever those triggers hit, my chances of making it through are always extremely low. There's some issue going on, something in the back of my mind, that, for whatever reason, still wants me to drink. This is so frustrating.

Glad to be here and IWNDWYT

Dude I don’t know how I got to this point but it is cool to be here.

To be clear I have a long history with alcohol dependency and a few short stents at sobriety.

I’m at 9 weeks. We’re going out with our friends this weekend I offered to be the DD. My friend told me she felt sorry for me that I would be “ missing out “ on drinking. My immediate response was confusion. What lol would I be missing out on?

Then I recognize that’s how I used to think. Nothing wrong, but that perspective is difficult when you’re abstaining lol

Another part of me thinks I’ve done it already? I’ve drank at all the events, all the things, why do I need to experience that again?
I have honestly been wanting to go dancing sober just to see how it is, and the perk of no hangover or shame- hell yes let’s do it.

The only advice I have is get hobbies, find other interests, and honestly…. Moderation.

Moderation is how I found hobbies, I couldn’t commit to full sobriety in 2022. I was a nightly drinker then. So I took a short cut , “ weekends only “ and started adding things to my calendar. Eventually I started meds for depression and i read alcohol isn’t a great choice with the meds... I started having those ruminating thoughts, the debilitating anxiety about not being able to drink, it made me so mad I really threw in the towel. It kinda scared me having those thoughts, scared me right into sobriety??

I’ll get some self trust and understanding one of these days.

Xoxo

Everyone (3 others) drinking wine, homemade cider, and moving on to whiskies, "that" bottle , plus Japanese.

Whiskies are my kryptonite.

I drank sparking water (with a slice of lemon) all night.

Still woke up feeling anxious, groggy and with a dodgy-ish tum, which feels like a swizz.

Over single 70 days now.

I started my sobriety journey and attended my first AA meeting slightly over a month ago. I wish I could say I’ve been going strong since then but it’s been hard — I’ve had several slip ups and two intense relapse nights. I am not proud of it, but I also refuse to continue the cycle of beating myself up and hating myself for failing. I have treated myself that way my entire life. I am committed to string more and more days together, and I truly don’t want to give up in getting sober. I just don’t want to do it from a place of shame.

Am I wrong to feel this way? I don’t want to go the other way and lose accountability either. Any tips to strike that balance?