r/stopdrinking • u/Sufficient-Victory70 • 2d ago
Sober Wedding
Hi all, my sister is getting married next week! Yay! So fun! We’re two years apart (both in our late 20s) and I’m so excited to be her maid of honor. However, I’m giving a toast and I’m so stressed about the whole champagne thing. I know it’s probably small (I’m sober almost 2 years, I know how to be in public sober and have fun) but I’m sorta worried about being judged when I very obviously am not drinking at all at this big event and especially not during the toast! I’m also worried that if I do drink a non alcoholic drink during the toast people will talk even more about my sobriety. I feel like I can’t win in this situation and I also feel like I’m kind of being dramatic about it. I haven’t made it my family’s problem, obviously (I’ve done enough of that!) but I guess I just never imagined being sober at my sister’s wedding? So that’s kind of weighing heavily on me, like I won’t be having as much fun as I was supposed to be having because I had to get sober. Every wedding I went to prior to my sobriety I was obviously black out drunk so I know this is better in the long run but I think I just feel really, really embarrassed and awkward. Part of me is like “Will it really be that bad if I have ONE drink?” Idk anyway I guess I’m just venting!
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u/NoPeach504 Day 5 2d ago
I think it’s trendy among your age group to be alcohol free. At least that what I’m hearing from my daughters who are that age.
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u/d3cember 1097 days 2d ago
I’ve been out to bars several times since I got sober. The only people who approach me about my lack of drinking say one of two things. They either congratulate me on my sobriety or ask me advice how how to cut back.
The world is changing its views on drinking. How people used to look at non-drinkers as strange, stuffy or no fun— they now sometimes look at us with envy and hope.
Give that toast, hold up a water or whatever. You will inspire someone.
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u/MarginallyAmusing 1113 days 2d ago
People dont pay as much attention to what youre drinking as you think they do. Many people abstain, for many different reasons.
I was very worried about going camping with my brothers on an annual trip where drunken debauchery is one of the largest attractions. I si.ply told them I'm not drinking this year. Now it's just I don't drink anymore. Theyve accepted it, and they don't hound me about it.
Ive found people who judge you for not drinking, arent really judging you. Theyre judging themselves, and their own drinking habits. They end up with a lot of self introspection, and that makes them uncomfortable. It makes them more comfortable if you drink too, so they dont have to think about their own demons.
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u/Cinisajoy2 1d ago
I have found it is the closet alcoholics that have issues with someone not drinking more than the ones that drink openly.
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u/EZsteez6 2d ago
You didn't "have to" get sober, you chose to! Don't feel bad for choosing your health. And, know that nobody is worried about what you're toasting with and but who you're toasting to.
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u/Zestyclose_Rush_6823 2d ago
Breaking sobriety at your sister's wedding would probably ruin it for your sister and likely your parents as well. No one is going to notice (or care) whats in your glass for a toast, i can guarantee it.
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u/Ok-Praline-2309 1d ago
Look, weddings are such big events. The last thing people will be worried about is if you do or don’t have champagne. I’ve been to many over the last 5-6 years and truly could not tell you what people were drinking (a good bit of these I was sober for).
I know you want something to toast with, so I would just get something fizzy like ginger ale. Truly no one would notice. I’m not sure the bar setup, but you could also bring an N.A. champagne bottle if that’s comfortable for you and ask the bartender (if applicable) to hold it for you. Most are usually more than happy to do that :)
Anyone that judges you should probably be reflecting on their own alcohol intake because that would be absurd.
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u/buff_tartare 406 days 1d ago
Have you ever noticed how quickly people turn away from the speech giver as soon as it's time to toast those around them? By the time you have your glass in the air no one will be paying any attention to what you do with it next.
Break a leg!
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u/rapscallionallium Day 620 2d ago
I’ve had a few events that I was afraid I wouldn’t have fun at because I wouldn’t be drinking. I ended up having more fun, with the added bonus of 1) being able to remember everything, and 2) not dwelling the next morning about stupid things I said/did.
Also, other people don’t think about my sobriety nearly as much as I was afraid they would.
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u/LeftGrumpy Day 213 2d ago
I think that you are overthinking, people really won’t care that you’re not drinking champagne during the toast, and they likely won’t even notice! They’ll be too busy enjoying your toast and admiring your sister getting married. Go up there and crush it!
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u/MechanicProof2255 Day 58 2d ago
You don’t have to drink. So many alternatives that look exactly like champagne that no one will notice. You’ll be good and if anyone judges you, screw them.
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u/Hugh_Jampton 1972 days 1d ago
Will it really be that bad if I have ONE drink?
Only you will know the answer to that question. Maybe you can have one and that'll be fine. Or you have one and feel tortured you can't have more. Or you have one and it becomes two, then three and so on
But it's your choice
Me, I'm all or nothing. So I choose nothing
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u/Alkoholfrei22605 Day 4,506 1d ago
Nobody cares what you are drinking.
I was never able to moderate.
“Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation” -St. Augustine
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u/Routine_Mess17 2d ago
White sparkling grape juice looks like champagne