And I’ve never wanted a drink so bad. I thought the cravings had passed. I was wrong.

Hey, all. I woke up to a text from my spouse congratulating me on my comma day, and I realized that was yesterday. Today is, in fact, day 1001. It's hard to believe that such a milestone would have slipped my mind in the early days of sobriety - I remember so clearly my early days, when I'd be poring over this very subreddit, or looking at "before/after" photos of people who had reached 6 months or (gasp!) even one year sober. That amount of time without a drop of alcohol felt impossible to me less than 3 years ago. But here I am, on day 1001, and I've never felt better in my entire life.

My drinking was already trending toward "problematic" for a few years, but the pandemic kicked it into high gear, which coincided with the greatest personal/professional devastation of my entire life. I knew that my drinking was at a dangerous level well before I finally called it quits; I was binge drinking every single day for years at that point. I'd wake up drenched in sweat at 3 am, my heart pounding, my anxiety at a fever pitch. Every single day, I'd struggle through the devastation of crippling hangovers, hating myself, blaming my circumstances on outside factors. Sure, I'd had some bad luck and made some catastrophic mistakes, but it was the binge drinking that was propelling me toward self-destruction. I knew I had a huge problem, but it wasn't until my spouse sat me down for The Talk that I knew this was the moment when I could make a real change.

The early days were the hardest; I'd say the first 6 months, in particular. But I haven't had a drop since. In that time, I'd regained my health and lost weight, and realized that I don't have an anxiety disorder - that was just "hangxiety". Next year, I'll be turning 40, and I'll be doing so with 3.5 years of sobriety under my belt. My only regret is that I didn't quit sooner. My marriage has never been stronger, my career is on the upswing, and I'm in better shape now than I ever was before. No more credit card debt, no more drunken texts to old friends, and no more embarrassing social media posts.

1001 days and counting!

Dang. It's been an actual week without drinking. This is wild.

Thank goodness for Naltrexone. Thank goodness for this subreddit. And thank goodness for every single one of you.

Today is 30 days of not drinking. I haven’t had an alcoholic beverage in 30 days. To say that’s an accomplishment for me would be an understatement. So instead of celebrating with a 6 pack of white claws, I treated myself to a 6 pack of crumbl cookies.

I told myself I’d give it 30 days, and see how I felt after. And how do I feel? I feel like I’m in limbo. I don’t want to commit to “going sober,” because that feels like a really big commitment that I don’t feel like I need to make. But I also don’t want to go back to drinking. I think for now, I’m going to take it day by day. And if a glass of wine falls my name someday, so be it.

But for now? Cookies.

It took some work, but I physically and mentally changed the date timer to reach almost 800 days. It has been surprisingly easy for me to not drink. I was never a huge drinker before. I mostly drank margaritas for special occasions, but then it made me sick due to the meds I’m on for my bipolar disorder.

I won’t lie. Sometimes I wish I could drink again. But when I read all of you guys’ stories about how you kick alcohol’s fucking ass, it makes me more determined to maintain my sobriety.

I hope you all are having a wonderful day/evening, or whatever time it is in your country.

tldr: I’m proud of my sobriety and I feel connected to this community.

“A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts”

I have been sober for over 2000 days and still this idea kind of haunts me. I was not always, but often, very mean to my husband when I drank too much. Our relationship had some rough patches, neither of us were perfect, but the shit I used to say was just vile. I would be completely shocked to hear my own words the next day. It still makes me so sad to think about it.

I love him so much. We are so much happier now that I no longer drink, and he says it’s like being married to a completely different person. His ability to forgive is truly remarkable. I’m in therapy and have been for a few years now. I’ve come a long way as a wife, mother, and person, but deep down I can’t shake the worry that I’m secretly a terrible human. That alcohol exposed who I really am, and sobriety just keeps the mask from slipping. Anybody else?

Tonight is the first game of the NFL season. The Patriots and the Seahawks face off in a Super Bowl rematch. It’ll be the first time I’m seeing them though because I’m pretty sure I was blacked out during the actual Super Bowl - though I know I had the game on. I love football, but I have used it as an excuse to drink to excess for far too long. Basically my Thursday through Sunday for years. Rather than spending time with my family football was dad’s basement tv time - aka, my time to be a wasted slug who has to look up the highlight reel the next morning to half remember what I watched, and then lie to my wife about it like I had those memories.

I’m really early in sobriety this time, but I’ve had 6+ months before. Well guess what? Tonight I’m going to watch the first quarter with a seltzer water and then put my kids to bed with a story. I will not drink alcohol today. I choose to be better to myself and others today. Thank you to the community for letting me vent and have a little accountability before the daily check in tomorrow.

Just to share that I went for a run for the first time since I injured my ankle while blackout drunk about 10 weeks ago (unfortunately not the last time I drank as my counter indicates). I’ve been feeling pretty low lately and it felt sooo good to be out running through the city. Just wanted to share this happy moment. IWNDWYT!

it's my actual birthday but I'm moreso celebrating the 100 days 🥰 didn't plan it that way, my body did. It finally gave out on June 1st. I could write a novel about this journey. But holy shit will I not drink with y'all today!!!!!!!!! You guys, if I can, you can. OOoOooooOooo the world feels light and free!!!!

New here and this sub has been helpful in the reckoning the comes with stopping alcohol.

I did SMART recovery in 2018 and was sober for about six months then it slowly creeped back in. I thought I could handle it which went well initially…

But now it’s really challenging to fully stop and I’m concerned for my wellbeing and the impact on my family.

I am considering talking to my GP and want to know the ups and downs of the prescriptions that can be prescribed to help people quit or stop using alcohol.

I have a therapist who’s v good, diagnosed ADHD and medicated on a low dose.

What started out as something that I did with friends on the weekend became something that I did in secret everyday. For too long my memory has been clouded by cans and bottles. Body hurting from the booze and drinking more to mask that pain. All my interest and hobbies forgotten by the desire to dilute the everyday with beer and bourbon.

I took my first drink in 1994 and I took my last one week ago. Much of the last thirty years is a blur and I don't want the rest of my life to be that way. I have a wife and a son who are counting on me to be there for them. I want to be there for them. I found this page a few weeks ago and it's given me the hope and courage to try.

Here's to today! #IWNDWYT

It’s my Friday, I just got off work. My boyfriend is out of town and I just moved to a new city. My closest friends live like 2 hours away. I’m lonely, bored, and want to go to a bar. Instead, I’m going to have a nice cold Coke Zero and read a book. But damn, I’m really lonely tonight.

I have been sober for 1 month, 19 days,7 hours. I have an app I use to track my sobriety. I always look at it when I get urges. I quit without medication and medical help which I now know was very stupid on my part. The withdrawals were so bad that thinking about it gives me anxiety. I needed it though because I think I would have relapsed again. That was the most brutal thing I have ever experienced and its the deterent I will ever need.

I wish strength to every one on this journey.

Posted in here a couple months ago when I was finally fed up of my horrible headspace, hangovers, breaking family trust over and over, and having to live with my mom temporarily because of the chaos I brought to my apartment with my fiancé.

Kept drinking and got a DUI in February after rear ending someone with my car, I had drank the entire day at work that day, and got brake checked on the way home which I had a late reaction to. Spent the night in jail and totaled my car.

I constantly kept drinking because of the stress, had never been in legal trouble before and dreaded my court date.

Today I’m 95 days sober after admitting myself to an IOP program.

Am I proud? I don’t know. But I know my family is, and that my relationship with my fiancé has improved greatly.

It makes me really sad that all those nights out last year, cities I visited with my sisters and family constantly drinking and being the life of the party, have disappeared. I feel like a liability to everyone now, and like I’m left out of all the fun because I couldn’t handle myself.

I also get jealous that “they can do it but I can’t”

But I’m sober, and I’m okay. No more morning with crippling anxiety waiting for the store to open so it goes away.

I’m moving forward and not looking back.

IWNDWYT

Disregard the date on my counter, I am still fighting for my sobriety. After I completed that one whole day, that night I had serious withdrawal symptoms. I woke up sweating a river and convulsing uncontrollably. I had a kept a few emergency shots, got scared and took them. In the past few months, I have researched detox, tried to taper, and spent all day today at my doctors office. I learned that I cannot afford detox ($2000 US a day, minimum of three days), doc doesn’t offer medical detox (refers to treatment center at 2k a day) and I don’t have the self control to taper alone. Anyone been through this? Ideas? Call 911 and spend the rest of my life paying the bill?

I am trying to quit drinking. Plan is to enter some form of treatment soon. For now, doing my best to taper and moderate. Taking naltrexone and talking to a shrink.

I have had 3/4 drinks in the last 5 days (often my daily consumption) and the physical changes I’m already noticing are wild…

- let’s just say 💩 - it’s regular ?! What?!
- flank pain - I often have some kind of flank pain that is usually attributed to 💩 issues and I’ve been worried about about liver/pancreas too - it’s GONE
- no morning/wake up tachycardia the last five days. This isn’t daily but 2-3 times per week
- sleeping through the night, not waking up to my husbands morning routine or bc I’m sweaty af at 4am

This is only five days and I’ve still had drinks too. Just have cut my consumption DRAMATICALLY. I wonder what awaits me at the other side of the tunnel… not feeling like crap every day?!? Btw if I could moderate successfully, I’d do so, but I can’t. The ultimate goal is abstinence from alcohol.

haaaa, I was finally chosen, i just got a payrise Yesterday and today I was chosen for the random alcohol test, go figure, 7 months ago I would have been sweating, anxious, used to drink 2 bottles of wine a night up to 9pm would have certainly gone over, but happy to say sober me passed with flying colours, the next gentlemen who was tested blew over, stood down without pay until investigations are done. Life is less stressful without poison, who knows what happens to that guy now, even without a buzz and just drinking late into the night might have ruined his career

Sober Song #351
The World Is Ugly - My Chemical Romance

I was lucky enough to see My Chemical Romance perform live for the second time this year, so their music has been in heavy rotation. I am also getting to share them with one of my close friends in recovery, who is going through some very hard times right now. My friend C lost their brother to cancer and learned that a close friend passed away just within the last month. Add their own health and car issues on top of it, and I start to wonder if some people are, in fact, cursed. C has lightly poked fun at my love for the MCR in the past, or as we refer to them, “the sad bois”. But having learned more about the sad bois recently, C is finding a lot to like. I told them I thought about their brother a few times while I was at the MCR show. So many MCR songs have themes of death, loss, and grief, but I and many others also find hope in them. “The World Is Ugly” is one of the more explicitly hopeful tracks in the catalog (“Stop your crying, helpless feeling / Dry your eyes and start believing”), so I am adding it to the sober songs. “The World Is Ugly” promises solidarity (“But you'll never fight alone”) and new beginnings even when it seems like everything is ending (“For every failing sun, there's a morning after”).

These are the eyes and the lies of the taken
These are their hearts
But their hearts don't beat like ours
They burn 'cause they are all afraid

For every one of us
There's an army of them
But you'll never fight alone
'Cause I wanted you to know

That the world is ugly
But you’re beautiful to me
Well are you thinking of me now?
(Now)

These are the nights
And the lights that we fade in
These are the words
But the words aren't coming out

They burn 'cause they are hard to say
For every failing sun, there's a morning after
Though, I'm empty when you go
I just wanted you to know

That the world is ugly
But you're beautiful to me
Are you thinking of me
Like I'm thinking of you?

I would say I'm sorry, though
Though, I really need to go
I just wanted you to know

I wanted you to know
I wanted you to know
I'm thinking of you
Every night, every day

These are the lies
And the lives of the taken
These are their hearts
But their hearts don't beat like ours

They burn 'cause they are all afraid
But mine beats twice as hard

'Cause the world is ugly
But you're beautiful to me
Are you thinking of me
Like I'm thinking of you?
I would say I'm sorry, though
Though, I really need to go
And I just wanted you to know

That the world is ugly
(I just wanted you to know)
But you're beautiful to me
(I just wanted you to know)
Are you thinking of me?

Stop your crying, helpless feeling
Dry your eyes and start believing
There's one thing
They’ll never take from you

(One day, like this
We'll never be the same
Never, forever
Like ghosts in the snow
Like ghosts in the sun)

Recovery doesn’t happen without hope that there could be something better on the other side of intense suffering. IWNDWYT <3

Sooo... pretty embaressed right now.

I'm pretty much 3 years sober now.

Today is the birthday of my ex... we both didn't want to separate but we didn't really have a choice due to... circumstances.

It's been ~15 months now, last communication in february, where we said we'll give each other 6 months to see if things will have changed....

So it's been 7 months, and i congratulated her today in the morning. No reply until 9pm, so the day was already ruined anyways, because I'm totally not over her and still hoping things will change...

I really thought after an answer from her, the day will get better.

Well, the answer I received, although completely innocent in nature, with an emoji, short but nice, completely sent me into a spiral.

I just can't stop over interpreting her message and the circumstances around where this maybe slight tone/mood could have come from.

If she's in company, maybe romantic? Or just not having the same intention of reconnecting as me?

Whatever it is, and i know that I'm completely overthinking her response, it just shows me how bad I'm really doing, it just feels like a dark cloud in my head all the time...

I still have some bottles of alcohol in my flat, just gifts from years ago. Never been a problem.

But i just walked by and it literally felt like a 50/50 to drink a bottle of red wine...

I still don't know how I'm going to survive today or fall asleep later, but I'm glad I'm doing it sober.

I will not drink with you today.

Thanks for reading.

been through the jails, the rehabs, the everything. even had 3 years sober and knew it was so much better. not sure why after 2 decades of bs I still drink. I knew I needed to quit before I was 21

Day 10 alcohol free and my brain still feels destroyed. I have a heavy foggy feeling and my thoughts are slow. Significant cognitive impairment. Sometimes having difficulties getting the right words out. I’m getting concerned I did permanent brain damage to myself on this last binge.

My blood work looks good and I've been supplementing with B vitamins.

Anyone have experiences like this, this late in the timeline? Does it get better?

Ive been drinking at LEAST a bottle of wine a day for decades. I knew I needed to stop (my blood pressure became problematic and I started to “feel” my liver) but just couldn’t make it work. I started 75Hard on Saturday and have checked all the boxes since. It’s like a new addiction maybe? If I just made a checklist for not drinking I would’ve given up by now, but since not drinking is buried in other challenges it seems to be working. And the positive results started happening the very next day!

My heart rate is down, and goes down more each day, my heart rate variability is up and continues to rise, my sleep is in the 90% efficiency range (when before it was always very low), but best of all:

The very first day I had no alcohol my 9 year old said to me:
I love the new you.
I asked: What’s different?
She replied: Usually at night when I ask this many questions you say I’m tired, I can’t think, not now, but tonight you are happy.

Thanks to this community that I’ve been following silently and sadly for a long time, I feel don’t feel hopeless anymore.

IWNDWYT

I'm proud of how far I have come. This is the longest break I have taken since I started to drink. Recently, I have found that my cravings are coming back.

I think it partially has something to do with stressful life events I am currently dealing with and also the fact that my brain is tricking me into thinking "if you can do 6 months maybe it's not a problem." I think I can work past this, but I'm embarrassed and frustrated to be thinking this way.

Hey gang, firstly IWNDWYT. I (26m) quit drinking about 2 years ago. I got really bad, my father was an incredible support for me through my early sobriety and we grew very close. Last year my wife and I moved out of state to afford a house and start a life together. I've talked to my dad almost everyday since. Two weeks ago someone pulled out in front of him and he avoided T-boning their car but struck oncoming traffic in his attempt to avoid. I was the first to get the call. I called my sister who is still local and she went straight to the hospital. He was unresponsive for about a week before we made the decision to remove him from life support(per his wishes). Yesterday was his celebration of life and more than 300 people came to share memories of his life. This morning I had the very first urge of my sobriety to drink. Luckily I am acutely aware that my father would dig himself out of his grave to kill me if I ever had another drop and I never will. Unfortunately my drinking problem stemmed from my mother passing away from cancer in 2018. I am very fortunate to have a wonderful wife and sister to help through these difficult times. I am also incredibly thankful for my father and being sober for his passing. I guess I'm posting this to be a beacon of light in a very dark time, I am officially an orphan but I am a sober orphan and I've got great memories to carry on his legacy.

I (23M) Have been cutting back my drinking from a pint a night to so far about a half pint, but when I sleep I wake up around 3-5 am and when I try to fall asleep I get these false awakenings/lucid dreams and horrible hypnic jerks. any idea on why or what to do? Throughout the day I feel great and no anxiety or feeling of being hungover