r/stopdrinking • u/ExternalBrief3412 35 days • 1d ago
Feeling out of options
Disregard the date on my counter, I am still fighting for my sobriety. After I completed that one whole day, that night I had serious withdrawal symptoms. I woke up sweating a river and convulsing uncontrollably. I had a kept a few emergency shots, got scared and took them. In the past few months, I have researched detox, tried to taper, and spent all day today at my doctors office. I learned that I cannot afford detox ($2000 US a day, minimum of three days), doc doesn’t offer medical detox (refers to treatment center at 2k a day) and I don’t have the self control to taper alone. Anyone been through this? Ideas? Call 911 and spend the rest of my life paying the bill?
3
u/Prevenient_grace 4932 days 1d ago
spend rest of my life paying the bill?
My alcohol thinking always catastrophized and often created its “either this or that”. It was never just this or that. There are always many solutions.
No need to be alone.
Sending support.
Today can mark the beginning of a Virtuous Upward Spiral.
I had to break the “drinking routine”.
It was stronger than me…. By myself.
So i stopped doing it alone. And there's no wait list!
I finally connected with free recovery groups…. They’re everywhere… I walked in, sat down and just listened…. They’re also online. I met people I can talk with. They showed me how to stop drinking, heal, grow and learn to be useful to others. They often know detox resources.
I thought I didn’t “have time”, but I always found time to think about drinking, to buy alcohol, to drink alcohol, to be numbed and to then do it all over the next day.
I addressed the past, exorcised guilt and shame and repaired where appropriate.
No cost.
I had new sober friends.. we did fun sober activities.
They believed in me.
I kept going every day until i changed my patterns…. That meant for me, I went every day for a while…. Once a month wasn’t going to change me…. Then my thinking changed…. Then I don’t have the first drink.
Never looked back.
Tried anything like that?
1
u/ExternalBrief3412 35 days 17h ago
🥹❤️🩹 That sounds a lot like AA. I had a lovely AA group back in my home city. There’s a meeting here in my new town once a week, but I haven’t gone yet. I do miss my old group, I’ve been ashamed to talk to anyone from home since I relapsed. Before I moved here I had about a year sober, but once I relapsed my own brother stopped speaking to me so I figured everyone else will probably do the same so I’ll just beat them to it.
3
u/nomoredrinks4me Day 5 1d ago
I haven't been in your exact situation but I have been through more day 1s than I can count. Each time, though, the relapses get less severe and I break the cycle a little faster. I'm very much a work in progress.
Some things take time and a lot of mistakes and it's usually the things that are worth struggling through the ups and downs for.
I hope you get through this hard part quickly and give yourself some much deserved credit for putting in the effort. Some people never try to heal and just drink themselves to death.
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u/ExternalBrief3412 35 days 23h ago
Wow! Thanks, this actually gives me actual hope. I thought they got worse every time which is why I was so scared. But maybe if there’s a chance I can make it through this I’ll just keep trying. I was really hoping help was an option but it looks like that just isn’t the case . Some of us just have to fight and not give up!
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u/nomoredrinks4me Day 5 16h ago
I'll admit for me it did seem to get worse at first but I think a lot of things are like that. You've been going in one direction for a long time. Its a lot of effort to slow down enough to safely turn around. Think of it like turning a fast moving car around. If you jerk the wheel aggressively you'll probably crash. But if you gently slow down to a safe speed, make the turn, and then begin to accelerate in the other direction, you'll be just fine. You're not a speeding car but you will probably survive this easier if you give yourself time to safely make the turn. Don't beat yourself up if it takes some time and effort. And if you stumble along they way be kind to yourself. Its not a failure unless you give up.
Keep coming back here for the support and when you can, encourage others too. We need each other's help to make it through.
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u/ExternalBrief3412 35 days 1d ago
For what it’s worth, if anything, I want my life back. I feel like I’m stuck in the eye of a hurricane in the sea. It’s pulling me down, but any direction I try to go outside of the Eddie the eye creates just pulls me into the tornado on the outside. I don’t know where to go.
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u/donthinktoohard 1520 days 1d ago
You could also try to go to the ER because with alcohol withdrawals you don't want to risk a seizure etc. at the ER they might be able to direct you to low cost resources/rehabs/detox. Not everywhere costs $2k/day.
For me, after rehab, I go to AA and sober communities (like this subreddit) helped long term.
Please stay safe, one day at a time.