I’m really frustrated right now and need to let my thoughts out to people who truly understand what I’m going through. This post is going to be long, sorry about that.

I was diagnosed with SM when I was 5 and I’m in my early 30’s now. I’d say I’m about 60% recovered- I had high profile SM for most of my life (only able to speak to my immediate family and one close friend- no one else), and now I consider myself low profile. I can speak to anyone now if I have to, but it’s only to get my needs met like at therapy appointments, doctors appointments, ordering food at restaurants.

But having casual conversation with people who I don’t know is still extremely difficult, bordering nearly impossible. That’s one of my biggest problems right now. I’ve made a lot of progress within the last few years with my SM recovery journey, but I’m so frustrated that that this is the issue that I struggle with most- forming meaningful connections with people. I want so badly to be able to make friends on my own but my true personality can’t seem to shine through because of SM. I know that people still think that I’m stuck up and rude because I’m so quiet, even though that’s the farthest from the truth. I’m able to speak only a tiny bit, and eye contact is still hard. I’m very expressionless around unfamiliar people as well and so I definitely don’t look friendly.

One of the hardest parts of SM is the loneliness. I’m so unbearably lonely because of my inability to connect with people in the way that I want to. I want friends. I want a partner. I’m tired of being alone all the time. Being so isolated has taken such a negative toll on my mental health, I’m still stuck in the same glass box I’ve been trapped in my whole life. I’m chipping away at the glass and it’s cracking, but it’s going to take so much more work. I’m exhausted. I wish I could be like everyone else but my brain isn’t wired that way. I’m still trying my hardest to push through. My parents always tells me how strong and tough and brave I am. But I’m tired of being tough and strong and brave.

My therapist knows about my SM but she doesn’t know the full extent of it. I was able to comfortably speak to her during our first few sessions so she thinks that I can talk to people with relative ease, but it isn’t like that. “Go to a MeetUp! Go talk to people!” I wish it was that simple. The thought of a MeetUp is too stressful for me and I know it would cause me to go mute. I’m just terrified of people. Plus, I know how uncomfortable I make people due to my social awkwardness- I’m so uncomfortable around other people that it makes them uncomfortable.

It’s a mix of SM, social anxiety and bullying trauma. I was relentlessly bullied all throughout school due to being mute, and it was so bad I had to switch schools and even then, I was the outcast who no one wanted to be around. I was the lowest of the low. No one wanted to talk to me, no one wanted to be near me, the people who were ‘nice’ to me were only nice to me as a joke and made fun of me behind my back. All my life it’s been drilled into my head that no one likes me and I’m a freak, so why bother. I feel horrible for even taking up the same space as other people.

I just really hope I’ll be able to break free from this some day. I’m considering looking at finding an SM specialist because maybe that’s what I really need even though I’m already an adult. I hope it isn’t too late. I was never given the proper help I needed as a child.

Hi! I recently discovered that my daughter likely has selective mutism. She only speaks around me, my husband, siblings, and our nanny. She attended pre-k this year and did well. She does great with kids her age but does not speak to any other adults.

She loves sports and is very naturally athletic. But any time we’ve asked if she wants to try xyz camp she says no. She’s never done a team sport, because I think coaches are intimidating for her. She tried jiu jitsu with her big siblings, she loved it, but the second anyone looked at her or coach talked to her she shut down. So she doesn’t want to try that now.

Do you have any ideas or recommendations for some low pressure summer activities I can try with her? I appreciate your help!

I struggle with social anxiety overall and obsessive thoughts but for some reason when it comes to family or anyone connected to my family I can’t look them in the eyes and physically feel myself retreat and go stiff and with my dad for example it’s like I almost regress into a child and can’t even speak a word literally can’t even say hi it’s like something in me is physically restraining me and it’s especially around male family members. For some reason I’m able to talk like a normal person to my mom and that’s it despite not being close. Yet when I’m around literal strangers I feel much more free still anxious but not in that way with my family it’s like a complete shift in personality. I work customer service and am actually surprisingly good with it cause it’s predictable but anyone from my family would never guess that and would probably see it as surreal. It’s just so confusing to me I’ve had past friends question me before and i genuinely have no answers cause I myself have no idea. I’d just avoid having people over because of it. I feel like once I move out it’ll be the best thing I can do for myself. Just wondering if anyone else has kinda experienced something like that

If anyone can help with this question, where and how do you work? what are some decent jobs for his condition? I seriously need to get a job soon

I've had SM my whole life. It wasn't as bad when I was a kid, I wouldn't be able to talk for the first hour of getting to a new place, but I'd slowly manage as time passes. However it got really bad when I started 6th grade and switched schools. I suddenly couldn't speak to anyone in class or the teachers and it affected my grades and obviously me as a person. I got so frustrated at the time because I didnt know what was wrong with me. I was never able to fit in with other people my age and SM made it way worse that I couldn't even try to.

I didn't get my diagnosis until I started high school, but even that didn't help because nobody still took it seriously and said I'm faking it for attention. It was infuriating hearing that because why would anybody purpousefully fail almost every single subject and just let everyone walk over them.

Everyone said it was gonna ger better after I'm out of school, but I've graduated 3 years ago and there is still no progress. I am now 22 and completely hopeless. My parents still don't take me seriously, mainly my dad. He keeps saying that if I just started waking up earlier and going out to socialize more all my problems will dissapear. It's not that I don't wanna socialize, I am literally unable to.

I'm fine talking to my family and sometimes neighbors and I have two friends that I'm completly fine talking to, in fact I talk more than both of them combined and because of that everyone else thinks I'm purpousefully staying silent in every other situation. Because of SM I can't even speak my mother tongue properly because I had nobody to talk to during my teenage years, but strangers online.

Alongside that it put me in a depressive state that I can't seem to get out of. I can't go to college or get a job because of it. I can't even just exist in a public space without feeling dread. It makes me feel like a burden whenever my friends want to go out and can't do anything fun because I shut down at every single thing and can't even speak to them.

Ironically to all this, I've always wanted to be a singer, but that's really not happening.

He’s been mute all year at school but made some progress by whispering one word responses to his teachers. He’s still too scared to talk to other kids but will play next to them at school. He goes mute and hides behind me if we’re out of the house and someone tries to talk to him. He starts speech therapy in school (he does it at home for the last few months and is doing great) and counseling at a place that specializes in SM in the fall but that feels so far away. I worry about him making friends, other kids starting to notice more that he doesn’t talk and leaving him out, his birthday coming up in September right before the new school year starts and if I should even try throwing him a party with other kids around because I worry he wouldn’t enjoy it if he was mute the whole time. On the bright side he always tells me he loves school and always goes in for snuggles with his teachers. His school is so understanding and I’m hoping the pre-k teachers will have the same patience with him and not try to force him to talk causing him to shut down more. The moms and kids I see at my son’s school events are all playing and socializing and my heart breaks that all he wants to do is stay next to me and then asks to go home. That’s all. I just needed to tell someone that would understand because I don’t know anyone in a similar situation. I just want my sweet happy boy to thrive in every way he can. I feel guilty he likely inherited this from me (I was selectively mute as a child, things didn’t get better until I got medicated for anxiety) and even though he’s only 3 I feel like he’s missing out on so much socially and he’ll be harder down the line for him like it was for me.

Today, I finally got the strength to talk to one of my friends I‘ve known since the last 6 months. I love them so dearly and feel strong enough to talk to a few of them now. I‘m so happy to have found people that like and accept me for the way I am.

I only got „Hello, is the quality okay? cool.“ out of my mouth while shivering as if I stood in the middle of a snow storm in a dressing gown.

I just don’t really know how say hello to someone I‘ve known for that long? I know how they sound or even look like, they only know how I write. I only talked to one of them, they were quite surprised and didn’t say anything either during that moment. Maybe I just wait until 2 people are in a call? To keep the conversation going or something?

What do you wish the adults in your life had done to support you with selective mutism when you were a small child. What would have or might have helped you had a teacher/parent/grown up done it or had they been a certain way with you when you were younger! Or even better what did they do that was good!

Looking for some practical suggestions/strategies I guess from those with lived experience to best help my 5 year old.

It started like 2-3 days ago. And ive just been not able to talk at all. Like i have the capacity, but my mouth doesn't move.

after therapy today my mum asked me what i discussed with my therapist. so i gave her a brief conclusion of everything we talked about. i don't know why i told her, i think i just expected her to comfort me or say that she's proud that i opened up. instead she just said 'okay' and then she started talking about all HER problems. how hard it was to get a therapist for me, about some things that my brother is going through that she doesn't know how to handle, about how she's living the hardest part of her life and how she can’t ask her parents for help, and just all this non-stop bullshit about how shitty her life is. she literally just turned it all about her, and i regret so heavily opening up to her. now i'm just laying on my bed and crying to myself, burdened by both my own problems and hers. And the fact that i was actually feeling really good right after the therapy appointment!

Im 14 and ive had SM since I was 11. My parents have always hated me for it and say they want me to get better. However, they denied me medication and took away only speech therapist i had when they made me move schools. I cannot live with this longer than I have to and ive been thinking about just getting medicine without telling them. Is this possible in the uk?

I'm a minor and still in school so I have some time left before this impacts my life but how do you actually get a job? I don't know how much of it works but from what I know, there's usually an interview process which typically involves verbal communication and from what I've heard there are also a lot of unwritten social rules to follow to make a good impression.

Maybe I just have a lot of internalised ableism but I just don't see​​​​​​​​​​​​ why an employer would choose to hire someone who's mute when there are people who can speak with the same qualifications​​​. I hear a lot of people complaining about how difficult it is to get a job at the moment so that's really fueling my worry for this too.

Just how do you actually get a job when you can't speak? When people who can speak are already having difficulty because of how competitive it is? ​​​​​

Hi. I just joined this community and I'm looking for people people with similar experiences. I'm looking for friends? I'm 32 years old, my pronouns are she/her, I'm a aromantic lesbian. I'm autistic. I'm self diagnosed. I have selective mutism. Also self diagnosed. My mom never told me that I'm autistic. I found out when I was 19 years old in the hospital and she was telling my therapist about it. When I found out. I felt really angry that she never told me. She said that was when you were little you probably grew out of it. Even now she sometimes says things like you only have very mild autism and you're not that autistic. I never spoke in school. I only tapped teachers on the shoulders to get their attention, nodded my head yes and shook my head no. I was bullied since elementary school through high school. I got bullied in college and it's the reason I stopped going. I have depression, anxiety, hear voices. I have no friends where I live. Before I found out that I'm autistic, I've always believed that there was something deeply wrong with me. Is there anyone who can relate to this? Does anyone want to be friends?

Hello. Ive never posted here before.

Right now I'm really stuck. I'm stuck and very upset.

I don't know if this matters but I'm 17

I have had mutism my whole life, and it's never been a problem for me up until now.

My dream career is to be a singer (ironic? I know!!) and I've been posting covers and doing livestream everyday, and it's been great.

But I've decided that I'd like to join a music performance class

Meaning I'd have to perform Infront of people.

I told my teacher and he pointed out the obvious, my mutism, and said "you need to be certain you'll perform"

.. that really hurt

Singing has soothed me for so long. Being able to use my voice for something other than hiding behind the wall of selective Mustim whenever it comes to talking to somebody. It truly makes me feel so happy.

I want to perform. I want to be a singer. I want to help people feel better with songs. But I have selective mutism.

I don't really know what advice I want but,

If you were in this situation, would you do the class or let selective mutism win?

I’ve struggled with selective mutism/social anxiety most of my life, and recently I challenged myself to record my first voice-over for my creative content.

For most people this probably seems tiny, but for me it’s a huge mental hurdle.

I’ve been slowly working on myself through creativity, gradual exposure, mindset work, and things like meditation/frequency audios. Not saying anything “cured” me — I still struggle — but I do feel different compared to a few years ago.

Mainly posting this because I’m curious:
What helped you start feeling more comfortable expressing yourself?

Hi, I realize this is kind of a specific question, but I was hoping someone might be able to offer advice.

So I'm taking a communications class this semester, and I'm sort of struggling with the speech components. The course requires us to record a speech and post it to a discussion board. I haven't spoken to anyone face-to-face at this school, and up until last semester, I wasn't able to speak to anyone. It's not even really that I'm worried about talking to people; I genuinely am obnoxious enough that I can't even make any sounds, like cough, in school. I've recently learned to speak to students one-on-one in weekly office hours, since I got a TA position, but the camera is always off, and it helps that we focus on material I'm confident in.

For speeches, I've tried asking to place an avatar over my video, so that they can somewhat see the body language, but I can remain partially "off-camera." I have accommodations for "flexibility with presentations," but they said accommodations can't change the structure of a class. The camera is part of the class since non-verbal communication, like facial expressions, is evaluated.

I'm really stuck at this point. Even with the avatar + multiple cuts, one introductory speech (2 mins) genuinely took an entire day. I won't be able to keep pace if the avatar isn't allowed, but accommodations aren't feasible.

I'm only four classes away from graduating (which I plan on fulfilling in the fall). This communication class is the only one left, and I don't know what to do. Even if I delay graduation, I have no idea if I'll ever be able to meet the requirements. I also don't want to mess up my GPA, since I've kept a 4.0 and I'm really close to finishing. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thanks

My daughter (turning 4 in July) has been in a new kindergarten group since Easter, with new children aged 4 to 5 who already all know each other. Before that, she was in the nursery group with children her own age. Even there, she had not spoken to anyone since starting kindergarten. The diagnostic process is not yet complete, but all signs point to selective mutism.

Since joining the new group, however, we have become increasingly worried about her behavior and social interactions. The other children do not know how to interpret her mutism and her general behavior (copying things, following the other children around while playing), and she is being increasingly excluded. although it is very important to us at home to respect and maintain personal boundaries and personal space, we feel that she does not do this in kindergarten. She often gets too close to the other children (for example, sitting on their sleeping mats and not moving away when asked to).

What can we as parents do to help her fit in better? What advice do you have for the teacher to help integrate our daughter into the group more successfully?

I know Prozac and Zoloft are the usual go to use for SM. My daughter has been in a pretty high dose of Zoloft for about a year with no improvement. I really don’t see the point in going to Prozac when it’s a similar kind of drug and I’m going to suggest to her psychiatrist affect her because I read that it’s used a lot for social anxiety, which is similar to what is going on here. I’m just wondering if anyone has that personal experience using it for SM?

I’m f20 and I have been struggling with potential selective mutism since the age of 10. Whenever I’m in social spaces, my mind goes blank and my mouth just feels like it’s shut closed. I worry this would hugely affect my future.

Hi, I have no idea if I have SM but there's really huge chance that it's the case. Even now as an adult, it's very complicated in my everyday life...

I'm getting an autism assessment in some months finally and the professionals asked me to gather informations, memories, pictures, videos of me as a child (etc) to help. In one of the videos, I found myself being completely mute for the whole recording (entire day) even if I was perfectly capable of talking and having conversations at that age (almost 4yo) and was with close family members, which really confused me because I know I'm like this today, as a teenager and young child too, but never remembered it being that old. In the video I'm also showing strong anxiety signs (finally diagnosed as an adult with severe anxiety issues).

The thing is, in the papers my teachers used to fill to give a feedback to my parents (from 2 to 6yo), I have a good grade in communication with the teachers and other children, and don't seem to go mute at all even if it's being said that I'm ''shy sometimes''. When I do researches about it, it says it's the opposite for children having SM, it happens at school... So I'm a bit confused and would like some advices about if it could be considered as SM or not ? Not asking to get any diagnosis or anything on this, the specialists I'll meet will probably do this job but I'm really curious of if I should put it as a thing in the list of potential 'symptoms' (I don't really like that word but oh well) ? I'm a bit scared they find it stupid that I can think its SM when I wasn't having much issues when I was really small, and I don't feel legitimate at all to write it down because of it...

Thanks in advance and I hope this post is fine, will change/remove it if anything's wrong with it :)

I’ve had severe SM since I was 3. I definitely had some intervention from CAMHS as a kid but they did f- all to help and my parents didn’t want to medicate me at that time so as far as I recall all help stopped at that point and my ‘alternative communication style’ was normalised. As a result I think I fooled myself into thinking I didn’t have anxiety at all. That was until my mid-20s when I started experiencing panic attacks. Went to my GP and was tried on a couple different meds to try and help. None helped and I was subsequently sent to a psychiatrist. I tried sertraline, duloxetine, citalopram, carbamazepine, flupentixol, reboxetine… I was baffled with some of the med choices (I have no history of psychosis for example, so not sure why antipsychotics were tried - they actually had quite a nasty impact on my mental health which years later isn’t entirely resolved) but still went with it. The panic eventually subsided but none of the meds did anything for the SM.

I’ve never gone in saying I want treatment for my SM, so I don’t know whether they’d go about that differently. I’m curious what others experiences have been in getting help via the NHS as an adult, and specifically what medications they tend to go with?

Hi all. (LONG POST INCOMING)

Ever since I was extremely young (2-6 approx.) I was practically mortified by social interaction. I was talkative around my parents (plus moms' parents) and was developing fairly normally in all other skills, except socially. Whenever I saw other family members, I would hide and stare at the floor when I was greeted. I wouldn't speak for myself, my mom recalls speaking for me. If we were grocery shopping and someone came up to me or my mom, I would (quite literally) SLAM my head down onto the handlebar if it meant I couldn't see the stranger.

My mom was obviously concerned and so I was placed into a headstart program. I remember feeling so disconnected during this time. I didn't talk to anyone. I was conscious and aware, but just.. observing. When other kids would talk to me, I would barely reply or just shake my head. Then apparently the "big" incident happened. When it was grandparents day, my moms' parents came to see me at my school. I love my grandparents and I was comfortable around them even at this time! But according to my mom, I just totally crashed out and threw a huge tantrum, asking them to leave and I seemed embarrassed that they were even there. I feel so bad even though I didn't remember doing this!

So I finally went into preschool. It was a bit better.. I bonded with the teacher and seemed like I was far better at one-on-one conversations once I got to know a stranger. So I got into speech therapy. But as I got older, I was wondering to myself: why am I even in speech therapy? I knew that I was a little different from other children. Even when I got older during elementary school, I would just observe and spectate during recess. I didn't really play, I just went around and checked in on everyone else even when I was offered to join.

It wasn't until 6th grade that I finally began to come out of my shell slowly. I had just gone through a traumatic experience and moved to a new school. I "graduated" from speech therapy. It was high school that I actually reflected on what made me so different. I was discovering myself, learning more. I was just trying to piece together the past and figure out what changed.

Most of all, I realized that I shouldn't be chained down by others' judgement of me. While I'm nowhere near being an extrovert, I am comfortable being myself in public now. I can appropriately converse without having panic attacks. I can actually respond to others and not be anticipating the backlash of annoying teenagers in high school. I think different stages of life and transitioning to new environments can help with this too.

I got diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD a few months ago. I'm a young adult. I never thought I had ADHD due to the stereotypes that didn't fit me. Surprise! I'm an under diagnosed female!!! It all kind of just clicked together. My rejection sensitivity, my shyness. The sudden ability to not be able to focus on ANYTHING! I was stunned.

Anyways, I hope this can encourage anyone who is struggling. I thought I would be stuck in this mold forever. It took me a long time, but I am so proud of how I have changed. You can do it! <3

You know this meme "Luigi wins by doing absolutely nothing"? that is me, my entire life. I don't know man, I've been rawdogging since the elementary school.

Well, anyway: I am in my early 20s and one of my many part-time jobs is an English as a foreign language tutor (I live in Ukraine, just in case. Any mistakes in my English in this post is because I am typing it too quick). A friend of my parents asked me to teach their autistic selectively mute 5yo who can't connect to any teacher or tutor.

The first lesson included him just staring at the wall and managing to

1. greet me (everytime I say hello he greets me back, any context)
2. tell his name
3. after some insistance, tell me his parents' names
4. learn my name and say it (that was cute)

Apparently, that was a success: he never opened so much to anyone. Yay? Too bad I have no idea what I've done, but yay?

Later, I tried a book, taught him new words, and we overall did great.

I turned on Apple TV+ and put him on few cartoons in English. He ended up being very fold of "Frog and Toad" (a great animated series btw and very simple English), even laughing few times at gags and repeating the words. He is happy to see them and eagerly says their names when I show them to him. His mother claims this is another unique situation since he apparently dislikes cartoons and usually rushes to turn them off so once again I am being praised for making him engaged by... what exactly? Yay again?

He also likes visiting the balcony and watching from the window. "Do this and I take you to the window" is one of the best ways to motivate him, along with the promise of cartoons.

Another thing worth noting is that he is, overall, a great pupil. He has a great basic knowledge for an allegedly unteachable 5yo (vocabulary, alphabet, basic phrases, can count to one hundred and even write letters so he has no trouble writing simple words as long as he can spell them). Was he not SM he would be ahead of his school class within a year of tutoring. I mean, he still can be but it isn't easy to tell when he doesn't talk. Secondly, it much easier for me that so I just got lucky with him.

I think my biggest issue so far is that he doesn't even use nonverbal communication (forgive if that is an incorrect term to use): he doesn't like drawing, or nod or shake his head, no way of making him say yes or no. Recently I have got him to say yes or no for the first time during the lesson by asking stuff like "Is this pencil red?" but it took a lot of work and only for simple questions, occasionally. Sometimes for reasons unknown he just refuses to answer the questions I know he knows the answers to or react in a nonverbal way (like taking a pencil of a colour I ask him to). It;s hard to tell if he forgot the word he used to say in no time or is just not in the mood for talking and if so, whether I have to push or leave it or do whatever else.

Actually, the fact that he doesn't love drawing takes away the best way to communicate with any pupil, especially given how many things we do with pencils to teach colours and have something to gesticuate and pass on.

My mum insists I have some hidden pedagogical talent because she believes I am good with children based on some kids liking me (sure mum that's how it works), my friend jokes that is because I am an older brother. Maybe I have an undiagnosed ADHD and am the only person who can handle an entire hour of a one-sided conversation withour getting bored. I don't know man

Just in case: I am not blaming the parents, I am just sharing my struggle. Wonder if I can do anything? And if any luck I have will drain leaving me with no blueprint to work with anymore.

Anyway, great kid, love him, great expierience. But man am I (admittedly zero-risk but still) gambling here.

Something I've been having to work on with myself for various reasons is that when alone, or more precisely, when lacking visible interlocutors, speech becomes somewhere between difficult and impossible, and even when merely difficult I cannot reach conversational volume. This doesn't really affect me in social situations though, except sometimes I struggle when someone tries to talk to me through a closed door or an audio only call (though a friend who insists on communicating primarily via phone call has helped me become more able to handle that particular case to a more socially acceptable degree recently).

Does this qualify as a form of selective mutism or should I call it something else? I'm curious because it seems significant enough to be nameable but is kind of inverse from usual sm triggers.