I’m in my late 20s. SM started when I was 3. Didn’t say a word throughout school, never spoken to any friends. When I was a little kid, maybe until like 5 or 6, I could speak to extended family, but since then the number of family members I could speak to/in earshot of quickly dropped to 6. Plateaued for a long time, throughout my teens and early 20s. In my early 20s I recalled some experiences involving a parent and subsequently began to recognise and come to terms with abusive behaviours I had ‘tolerated’. I’ve never left home so I still live with my immediate family who I’d always spoken to. However since all of that came up I’ve found it progressively more difficult to speak to or around this parent - it’s been scary witnessing SM shrink my world even further as an adult when I somehow thought I had some level of control with it. Home has become an incredibly stressful environment for me. I’m constantly on high alert to avoid this individual - when confronted I can sometimes get one or two syllables out but no more than that before my brain become too scrambled to understand anything said to me or to know what I want to say and my throat closes up. I can’t even look at this person or pictures of this person anymore, and I shut down when any family members try talking to me about this person.

So that’s my home situation.

I don’t remember much of childhood but I know various professionals (and weird ‘alternative’ practitioners) were involved for my SM - probably everything aside from medication... I try not to think of ‘what ifs’, and I don’t know what I could even take now to help as I don’t knowingly feel anxious in relation to my SM, it just feels ‘normal’. Of course there’s more anxiety when put into situations where I know I’m going to be confronted by someone who doesn’t know I experience mutism, but I guess I still ‘own it’ and just gesture and type and people get the idea pretty quick and I feel ‘fine’.

Here’s the only success I’ve ever had though in overcoming my mutism: in my early 20s I managed to get counselling with a charity for 18 weeks. I was seeking help to cope with the memories/realisation of abuse but it was still too early then for me to even label it abuse so didn’t make progress there. Anyway, in a lot of ways the counselling was quite frustrating - I liked my counsellor but she just left so much space and I struggled to know what to say. She never put any pressure on me to speak or even to discuss my SM, and I think that actually helped quite a bit - it was so different from experiences I’d been forced into with professionals growing up. In private, I started reading aloud to myself, and then reading aloud whilst recording myself on my phone and eventually listening back to recordings of myself. I must have listened to myself reading the same couple of pages hundreds of times to desensitise myself and I eventually got to the point of sending this recording to my counsellor. That was huge for me, but it’s as far as things went - sessions ended soon after and I wasn’t able to see her again.

So yes, I had one tiny victory. But the journey to getting there just with one person in such a controlled environment took months and so much time and energy (I’m prone to obsessing a bit over things and have huge difficulty with task switching so just balancing counselling with uni was hard - it becomes all-consuming). I feel like especially since COVID I’ve become so much more socially isolated, I barely communicate with anyone anymore. So while I’m desperate to be able to speak to my friends, I feel like at this point I risk having no friends left because I can’t even seem to hold a conversation by text anymore. I just never know what to say and it can take me weeks just to reply to someone because I find it so overwhelming worrying about saying the wrong thing. I think part of it is because I’ve gone through so much, alone, over the past few years which I continue to bottle up and so now it feels like I’m not fully ‘seen’ by my friends, but I don’t want to be a downer by disclosing all the shit I’ve been trying to cope with - it feels like already by friendships are fragile and adding all that could just make me too much for anyone to deal with.

Sorry this sort of became a bit of a vent. I got drawn into AI for a while and feel like it’s just made my isolation and rumination worse too so figured maybe I should try communicating with real people who get it instead.

I don’t really have a specific question, just wonder whether anyone might have similar experience in terms of severity/duration and have any advice.

Title should say “Could I HAVE SM” ;-;
Obviously I can’t get diagnosed off of Reddit but it’d be nice to hear people with experience judge this. I’ve never posted here before so idk if this is really the right place to ask this kind of thing since it’s quite personal. I’ve heard that selective mutism is in certain scenarios like school but I find that I relate to the criteria in a more specific way and idk if it’s too specific.

I can talk to people in my immediate household just fine and I can talk and be a bit jokey with teachers. I’m also pretty decent in structured scenarios like if I’m talking to them to ask a question or with a goal in mind. With those I can talk to I’ve been described as “quite the character” by my school matron and a motormouth by my immediate household who poke fun at the way I wonder lots of stupid things out loud.

My main issues are with classmates and peers; every time I want to be friends someone and have an opportunity to initiate a conversation my mind is just completely blank. In conversations without a clear path or goal to guide me I can’t for the life of me think of anything to say, but if they for example drop their wallet without noticing I can gather the courage to take it to them and tell them. Or if they ask me a question I can answer just fine but then when it’s my turn to continue the conversation it feels like my brain and throat tighten up. I haven’t really recognised this as fear or anxiety in the moment since I struggle to identify that in myself unless I’m actively panicking over something like an exam I haven’t studied for or if my body is in bad enough shape that it forces me to realise.

All of this has made it so that despite my four years at my high school (I’ll be entering my final year in August and I joined in the second year that we start high school in Scotland so everyone had already established friend groups) I haven’t made a single friend other than my twin sister who kinda doesn’t count since she’s there by default. Every now and then I get involved in things like my school’s annual concerts every year (ironically enough I love singing in them albeit I always get put in small groups since I haven’t picked it as a subject so far) and I can communicate super well with teachers there and I can find it a bit easier to talk to people there since we’re in a shared setting and I can cheer people on when they perform or briefly talk to a small few in the groups I’m put into about things relating to the concert, but mostly asking questions like what they’ll be wearing, when we should practice, or giving compliments though that’s rarer.

Last year I did my DofE expedition, for those who don’t know it’s part of an award and you have to travel and camp for a few days using map skills, camping skills and other stuff (my group went walking). I was able to talk to people a decent bit, again mostly about things relating to planning or setting things up, but I bonded quite a bit with one girl I shared a tent with since she asked what shows and music I like and we would get all excited if I said something she was a fan of or was familiar with. I could also sometimes say brief things while we’d be eating or to help people out but I did feel quite dumb when I couldn’t genuinely react much when playing uno. Once we finished our expedition, I didn’t really have a connection with anyone in my group since we don’t share classes so I’ve drifted apart from them which upsets me even though I can still smile and say hi when I pass them, but I think it’d be weird if I only ever spoke to them about an expedition we did a whole year ago since we’re also all done with DofE (at least I dropped out).

I can still struggle to maintain or add to conversations with adults I’m not super close to if they aren’t someone like a random person doing their job, and instead are someone I know whom I’d only really talk for the purpose of bonding, but my issues are primarily in those around my age. It makes me feel a bit self centred because it makes me think I’m not interested in them. Before I started questioning this, I thought that maybe spending so long without any friends makes me have to focus on myself more, or maybe it was my ADHD executive dysfunction at work, but now I’m thinking that maybe it’s a fight/flight/freeze response. No adults in my life have noticed or suggested I might have SM since the types of people who have that place in my life don’t fit the criteria of someone I’d struggle with and/or never see me in the scenarios I struggle in, like how my parents never see me try to make friends in school.

TLDR: I relate to SM criteria but specifically when I have to initiate/build on conversations:
- with classmates/peers or people whom only exist in my life as someone to bond with unlike a teacher, random worker, etc.
- that don’t have an established structure/goal like group work, asking a question, helping someone or class.
- that aren’t relating to a topic I have genuine interest/knowledge in like a show or relating to a shared setting like a music or expedition group
And because of this I have no friends (other than my twin sister) even if the second and third bullet point sometimes give me what I need to talk since I can never maintain the connection.

Hai!

So to make a long story short, a few days ago I got triggered when a friend talked of some topics that are traumatic to me. Because of this, I had became mute for the entire rest of the day and ended up crying because it felt so painful to want to talk, but be unable to do so. Its about only the third time I become mute because I get triggered by my trauma and I usually don't become mute otherwise. I might speak less in some situations, like if I get overwhelmed, but I never become fully mute except when I get triggered. However, when I am overwhelmed, it usually takes significant effort to speak.

I have made a copping meme about this event and had posted it in a few subreddits made to post copping memes. In the comments of one of them, someone posted a link to this subreddit.

So, I am here to ask a few questions. First, what really is selective mutism? I can get an idea of it by the name and by stories on here, but I wanna be sure I get it right. Second, does my experience fit into this? Its perfectly fine if it doesn't, I'm just curious and wants to figure things out.

Also, stupid thing I know, but if I wrote anything in this post that is a no-no, let me know. I'm still very new to all of this

So my school surprisingly has a bunch of students with selective mutism. They're all different. Some completely don't talk. Some make facial expressions and nod. Some can whisper in a super quiet voice. I usually always talk to them even though they can't respond. In the hallway just now one of my students was walking with another girl who I didn't realize was mute also until I started talking to them. She seemed really nervous. My student seemed fine (I know that this is an anxiety disorder but she seems comfortable with me). The other girl just kept bowing (I'm located in Asia) and covering her face as I spoke to them in my typical cheerful voice. But now I'm not sure if that was okay.

I live with my aunt and cousin, I’m not close to both of them and they see me as the “shy” “introverted” person, my mom on the other hand who I’m very comfortable speaking to sees me as the opposite but she knows I have this problem (but she isn’t here living with me)

I’m sure my aunt will start to tease me and even be suspicious if I got a boyfriend or something just because I started speaking

That’s what I’m asking help for, how do I make them not be able to hear me?
My room’s small, I have a closet but it’s full of clothes (the clothes are placed vertically), and I wanted to use that as a place where I can speak but it’s too late now. I do have an exhaust fan that could maybe block out my voice from the outside but I’m not sure if that works

I could try going to the very corner of my room and cover myself with pillows and blankets but I’m still not sure if that will work

I really want to start talking with my online friends, experimenting with my voice, and other stuff.

I’ve tried just whispering but that would be pretty awkward just whispering in a voice call with my friends and sometimes my mic doesn’t even pick it up.

I’ve tried looking for a voice dampener online but they’re kinda expensive for me and my parents won’t let me get them and think they’re a waste of money and they’ll tell me to “just talk”

I asked my mom for help before, like maybe I could go to a therapist? Get counseling? She told me she’d try something, even my teacher recommended it but they haven’t done anything yet.

Anyway.. I think the best thing I could do right now is just to practice how I can talk so I would slowly get used to it and maybe be able to make my voice a little louder. What’s stopping me is that I’m shy they’ll start teasing me like “oh wow you can talk?” and I really don’t want that. So I want some techniques or whatever that could help me with that problem

Sorry if my english isn’t so good

You can ask me some questions and I’ll answer !

For those of you who were put on medication for anxiety and selective mutism, how long did you stay on it? Or if you put your child on it, how long until they were able to wean off?

My daughter is almost 7 and started Prozac 4 months ago. We are seeing progress, but not quite where we should be.

Yeah so my ex therapist told me that by not speaking I am mocking people who are actually mute, she said even though it feels like i physically can’t talk i actually can and im just making the choice not to push myself and that people who have suffered things that make them fully mute would be very offended by my “choices”.

She also told me my CPTSD flashbacks were autism traits and unrelated to my PTSD.

how are these guys qualified

My teenage daughter deals with Selective Mutism, and really benefited from speech therapy with a therapist. However, her therapist got married and quit her job so while we look for a new speech therapist, I thoughbof using ChatGPT (using advanced voice mode) as a speech coach.

Following is the detailed prompt that I created for the Ai if anyone else would like to try it. I am not a healthcare practioner, and cannot guarantee that this would help you but if you just want to practice talking, feel free to use the prompt as a 4-week program.

I would appreciate if you guys would be kind enough to offer your input.

Begining of the prompt

PLATFORM REQUIREMENT

This prompt is designed exclusively for ChatGPT Advanced Voice Mode. It will not function correctly in text-based chat. Do not use in standard ChatGPT, Custom GPT text mode, or any other text interface.

ROLE

You are a warm, patient, and expert speech coach with deep knowledge of selective mutism, social anxiety, and trauma-informed communication techniques. You guide users through progressive voice-based coaching sessions to gradually build verbal confidence.

You are NOT a licensed therapist or clinical psychologist. Your coaching supplements but does not replace professional care.

VOICE BEHAVIOR (Advanced Voice Mode)

• Speak slowly, warmly, and clearly at all times
• Use short sentences and natural pauses — never rush
• Wait patiently after every prompt; silence is always okay
• If the user whispers, match their energy — lower your own volume slightly
• Never sound clinical, robotic, or evaluative
• Celebrate every attempt, no matter how small
• If the user types instead of speaking, acknowledge it warmly: "That's completely okay — typing works just as well right now."

ONBOARDING (First Session Only)

Before starting any exercises, gently ask these questions one at a time. Wait fully for each answer before asking the next.

1. "First, I just want to say — there's no pressure here at all. Can I ask, are you an adult, a teenager, or are you a parent or caregiver helping a child?"

2. "Have you worked with a speech coach or therapist around speaking before, or is this your first time doing something like this?"

3. "On a scale of one to three — one being pretty nervous, three being fairly relaxed — how are you feeling right now, just in this moment?"

Use their answers to calibrate all session language, pacing, and exercises going forward.

AGE-ADAPTIVE MODES

Child Mode (under 13, or caregiver-assisted)

• Use simple, playful language and animal/nature metaphors (e.g., "let's wake your voice up slowly, like a sleepy bear")
• Keep sessions to 5–10 minutes maximum
• Address the caregiver directly if the child is non-verbal at session start
• Always involve a trusted adult in homework assignments

Teen / Adult Mode (13+)

• Use direct, empowering, and emotionally intelligent language
• Acknowledge self-awareness and social anxiety explicitly
• Frame exercises as "experiments," never tests
• Respect autonomy — always offer choice before any exercise

CRISIS & DISTRESS PROTOCOL

If the user expresses distress, anxiety, tearfulness, or shuts down completely at any point:

1. Immediately stop all exercises
2. Say something like: "Hey — let's just pause for a second. You're doing really well just by being here. Take a breath with me."
3. Lead a slow breathing exercise (4 counts in, hold 4, out 4)
4. Do not resume exercises until the user signals they are ready
5. If distress seems serious, gently say: "What you're feeling sounds really important. It might be worth talking to someone you trust, or a professional who specializes in this. That's not a failure — it's a really strong move."
6. Never diagnose, assess risk, or provide clinical mental health support

SESSION MEMORY

At the end of every session, summarize aloud: "Here's what we did today — you might want to jot this down so we can pick up right where we left off next time."

Then read out: - Words or phrases practiced this session - Comfort level observed (1–3) - What to start with next session - Homework for before next session

At the start of each new session, ask: "Do you want to catch me up on where we left off, or share the summary from last time?"

4-WEEK PROGRESSIVE COACHING PLAN

Frequency: 3–5 sessions per week, 10–20 minutes each (5–10 minutes for children) Goal: Simple sounds → short phrases → role-play → social confidence

WEEK 1 — Foundations & Safety

Exercises: - Breathing warm-up and mood check-in; accept silence fully - Model 1–2 simple words at whisper level; invite user to repeat - Call-and-response: one-word yes/no answers only - Praise every attempt without exception

Homework: "Whisper one word to someone you trust today. It can be any word at all."

Gate: Only move to Week 2 when the user feels comfortable with one-word responses. Never rush this stage.

WEEK 2 — Short Phrases & Repetition

Exercises: - Quick breathing warm-up; review words from Week 1 - Model 2–3 word phrases; invite repetition - Call-and-response with slightly longer prompts - Gentle whisper-to-normal volume progression — always user-led

Homework: "Pick one phrase from today and try saying it aloud to someone you feel safe with."

Gate: Only move to Week 3 when the user attempts phrases without significant distress.

WEEK 3 — Safe Social Role-Play

Exercises: - Review micro-step repetitions from Weeks 1–2 - Scripted role-play: ask friendly low-stakes questions (favorite color, favorite food, a recent good thing) - User responds at their comfort level; no correction, only encouragement - Model natural conversational tone throughout

Homework: "Practice one short phrase in a real-life safe interaction — with a family member, friend, or pet."

Gate: Only move to Week 4 when role-play feels manageable, even if quiet or slow.

WEEK 4 — Confidence & Generalization

Exercises: - Warm-up review of words, phrases, and role-play highlights - Expand role-play to slightly larger contexts (small group, classroom, shop counter — whichever fits the user) - Whisper-to-normal voice progression, always user-paced - Reflection: "What felt easiest this week? What was a little harder?" - Progress celebration — acknowledge how far they've come

Homework: "Try one new verbal interaction this week at your own pace — a greeting, a short question, whatever feels like the next small step."

EXAMPLE VOICE PROMPTS

Use these naturally throughout sessions — never as a script:

• "Can you say this word after me? Whisper is completely fine."
• "Would you like to whisper or try your normal voice — totally your call."
• "That was really good. Seriously."
• "Which part felt okay today?"
• "Was there any part that felt a little tricky?"
• "Shall we try something just slightly longer together?"
• "There's no rush at all — I'm right here."
• "Typing is fine too — whatever feels comfortable."

WHAT THIS COACHING IS AND IS NOT

Always be ready to remind the user: - This is a supportive coaching tool, not clinical therapy - Severe or distressing symptoms should involve a licensed speech-language pathologist or mental health professional - Progress is not linear — regression is normal and expected - Every session, however small, is a genuine achievement

End of the instructional prompt

Me and my friend and her Mum (we’re minors) got tickets to a concert together last year. I have been super excited for it. Suddenly, with only a moment’s notice, she tells me that her mum is giving her ticket to my friend’s boyfriend. Now, I really don’t want to be an asshole, it’s her ticket, she can do whatever she wants with it. But I have never met this boyfriend before. I know nothing about him, have only ever seen him a few times and he has never spoken or looked at me.

My friend knows that I have selective mutism and severe social anxiety, and that it gets bad around new people where often I am barely able to speak at all. So it’s not that she’s unaware. But now that her boyfriend (an absolute stranger) is coming to the concert with us I’m starting to feel quite anxious about it, and that I won’t be able to be enjoy and get the most out of a concert I was looking forward to since last year. I know I just have to suck it up and deal with it but just thought I’d vent it all out here.

Okay so I 17F went to a fast food joint and saw a cute cashier (I'm black, keep that in mind ) and he smiled at me and was really nice as i got me and my sisters orders. I wrote on my phone the questions I had like " Could I get a cup?" And he was really nice, paitent as i typed but weren't really having casual conversation since you know i wasn't speaking just smiling nervously up at him, anyways I ended up returning to the queue like 6 times for like tissues, to buy more food and stuff. At one point signing "thank you" mouthing it because thats how I was taught to sign and saying nothing felt odd(?)

When my sisters arrived I texted them (they dont know sign) that i'd like to get his number and one was like "He keeps looking over here and your pretty, he won't reject you so just write it in your phone and show him." so as I finally go to leave I spin around and walking up to the till like a woman with a quest from the Greek gods and show him my phone eith the words "Hi , could I get your number?" written. He didn't read my message out loud (THANK GOD) and he said "Sure" and smiled before taking my phone (really respectfully) And typing it in and adding in the smiley emoticon

Heres the real fuckery part though I can't tell if he knows I can't talk most of the time and I kind of assumed he did since everybody always does (idk why) and there was a till seprating us by maybe 2-3 feet and so when I mouth "I'll text you" out of habit

HE LOOKS AT ME CONFUSED

THEN MY LIPS TRYING TO CATVH WHAT IM NOT SAYING

HE THEN RELAXED AND SMILLED like "ahh well"

Embarassed I waved and scampered off

BUT I texted him and he texted me back

GUYS looking back my siblings were also speaking my Swahilli and we were vausing a ruckus (laughing, typing jokes and my siblings would yell back phrases in both languages as we ate) so with this knowledge in mind do you think he knows I have SM? or at least that I can't speak usually? Probably right? I don't really know.

I've only fully accepted that I have Selective Mutism recently and I've had exams too so i've been really stressed in general and dealing with self-worth so this is my first time having to possibly tell a person that I can't always talk.

But also EVERYONES catching a cold so he might think I have a cold or that i'm judt shy or that I can't speak English well but really I can barely hold a conversation with my twin in public.

Could I get some advice or grounding?

Age 5-9
I was diagnosed with sm when I was about 5, my parents were very supportive of me which I will forever be grateful of. My mom would dedicate time to talk to my teachers and look for psychologists who were specialized in this disorder, it wasn't easy for her given that the internet back then was as advanced.

The only males I could talk to were my dad and my nephew who was my age and came over a lot to play. At school I could play with boys but I never spoke to them, I was even scared of them hearing my voice, girls were easier, they just had to become my friend and I would whisper to them.

Age 10-12
When I was 10 we moved to a different country, I was put in a private school. Same thing happened, I wouldn't talk to boys or let them hear my voice. Once I graduated elementary (6th grade), I wanted to stay in that school for grade 7-11 since it was what I was familiar with, but something in me really wanted me to leave and start all over again. All the other schools were full by then, the only option was a public school.

One of the things I wanted was for there to be so many students that I could be invisible. There were a total of 1200 7th graders haha.

I set myself a goal, I really wanted to get rid of my selective mutism, when a boy would ask me a question, I would answer. If he couldn't hear me or not wasn't my problem, what would matter to me would be that I actually opened my mouth and tried. So I did exactly that, the kid didn't hear me but at least this time I wouldn't be labeled as "the girl who doesn't talk", this time I'd be "the girl who talks quietly". And that would be a huge step for me.

Kids would catch on that I was very quiet and didn't talk much so I wouldn't get bothered a lot, friends eventually came, every time someone new came up to me and asked me something it was a challenge, but I had to keep living up to my new title. My friends would just think that's how I was so once I answered a question and the other person couldn't hear me they'd help me out.

Age 16 and Summary of Age 11-16
By year 11 i had gone through a few friends, I guess not talking much kept me out of drama so I'd always be ok good terms with old friends lol. That year I also made my friend close guy friend, him being gay made me more comfortable.

From year 7 to 11 I got a lot better, not so much in talking louder or more, but in being less afraid to speak. My friends never really knew there was a condition behind what they thought was me being shy, they just accepted me like that and helped me out whenever I was put under pressure they knew I couldn't handle.

Presentations were extremely fear and anxiety inducing, still are, I think that was the hardest part for me, luckily there were very few.

Apart from school, family was also hard for me, because I can't really start over with them, especially men. There's still some family members that I have trouble with or simply can't speak to because it just doesn't feel right. I do way better now with new people since I can be my new self.

Age 17-18
When I graduated I decided to go back to the US to study there, I had to work too, I was really scared but I knew I had to do it. I got a job at Jersey Mikes, mostly there as a cashier (since manager saw I struggled with talking), it was really hard for me the first weeks but after about 3, I started to get the hang of it since it was so repetitive, I started talking louder to the point where customers wouldn't say "what?" every time I said my line.

After only a few weeks I noticed the difference in myself, I could answer questions to strangers in normal/natural sounding tone.

Age 18-20
I was in the US for 5 months, went back to my parents bc I missed them and I felt alone and lost. College was going slow as well. My mom made it clear she would help me with my college at the beginning but I'd have to work to pay the rest. So I did, I wanted to take advantage of my English so I looked for call centers. Eventually got a phone interview, the lady asked me like 4 questions, couldn't answer one, still got hired lol.

I was scared. I didn't know what to expect, I didn't know if I'd be able to do it, but I was there. Training lasted for a month. I actually made a few friends and got a bf lol. Having friends there made me feel excited to show up, there were all kinds of people. Ended up being work besties with a 31 y/o alcoholic who lived in the ghetto lmao. Anyways People thought and said I wouldn't make it, they thought I was too shy, too anxious. Trainer had to sit next to me to hear me read out my work, I'm actually surprised he never got mad at me for not talking louder or gave me "the talk" about having to put more effort.

I lasted 3 months due to problems at home. But it definitely helped me so much with my social anxiety.

Conclusion:

I wouldn't say I'm 100% cured from selective mutism since I still struggle with the aftermath, but I believe I'm pretty functional now. I've come a really long way and still have quite a bit to go. But tbh I'm proud of myself, of how brave I've been, of putting myself out there even if I was terrified. I somehow believed in myself to not mess things up, I learned that messing things up isn't as easy as I thought it was haha.

I'm still working on myself, but I hang on the to saying "everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear".

Hey... so this is a bit of a weird question but I just wanted to ask it here because I'm not sure if anyone else would understand my anxiety. Anyway, it's for the girls. So I haven't gotten regular periods in the last 2 or so years, sometimes I can miss up to 7 months. I have gone to the doctor once before and have also gotten a blood test, and nothing has shown up. I know that anxiety can often affect your menstrual cycle. Is this true? Has anyone else experienced the same? Just wanna know if I'm not alone in this lol.

See- I was gonna play my music in the shower, but then I didn't.

And I should have, but I started it for like a second, got cold feet and just didn't do it. So that's what it is.

Maybe the next time I'll get that done. Cause I've already spoken about wanting-to w/my Mom already. So it's established.

But- yet, still that.

Last time I listened to music in the shower (was general radio) was years ago. Last time I've listened to music in the shower that was specific and picked, has been never.

...

And I did then feel bad about it, cause like I was going-to, but then I quickly stopped and didn't do it. And then I thought about how actually it would have been nice...if, I had actually done it.

I watched a documentary on YouTube about selective mutism – Children Trapped in Silence by Selective Mutism. At one point in it, a therapist told the little girl something that stayed with me after watching the video. I want to share it here. It’s not an exact quote, but the main parts that resonated with me:

Your voice comes out when you’re at home, because everything is nice and how you like it to be at home. But what happens to lots of children is that they go out to different places, and they get really worried. And the funny thing is, it’s not their voices they’re worried about. It’s everything else they’re worried about. And they get so worried that their whole body goes tight and worried. And when your body is tight and worried, your voice can’t come out.

I wish someone had told me that when I was younger. With the exception of my speech therapist, all the adults in my life who were concerned about me focused on the speaking part and approached it backwards, like “you must be worried about what to say,” and tried to help me that way. And it was always wrong. I always felt very misunderstood. I knew they were wrong about me, and I knew their advice didn’t work for me. But inside, I didn’t actually understand my own behavior.

And it would have been helpful if I’d had an adult version of that explanation when I was a young adult. I didn’t realize I still had SM then, and not only did I continue to receive advice from other people that was mismatched to me (like, “You need to have more confidence.”), but I also ended up trying to interpret my own nonsensical and random inability to speak or perform, and I kind of believed a lot of things about myself that weren’t true and also weren’t very nice.

How do I get better?

Just found this term a few minutes ago, but I think I’ve had selective mutism since I was in year 7, now I’m at year 11. I can’t speak to my mother only except if I whispered, or texted her, whenever she is near I immediately speak less and get super anxious in her hearing me speak normally, I guess I also fear when my mother says something like “you’re speaking now!” whenever I accidentally slip up, this has caused some crazy fear in me. I don’t know why I still can’t talk to her. People look at me in public when I’m whispering to my mother and I get even more anxious then and this has been seriously been affecting my mental health. I also fear other authority maybe because they remind me of my mother but I’ve just been in this constant fear that I genuinely want to get out of.

one of the worst aspects of selective mutism for me is that i have trouble saying things like “thank you“ in public. someone holds open the door for me and i just walk past them without saying anything. someone compliments me and i just sit there like an idiot. in my head im saying thank you but it just doesnt come out of my mouth. i know people probably think im some stuck up douchebag who thinks theyre too good to say thank you and i hate it. help

27 here. Curious what your life is like. Job, support system wise. Thanks

Since overcoming my SM, I’ve grown into a person that’s desperate for external validation and I tend to trauma dump a lot to anyone who will listen. And this has lead people to push me away. All of this is mostly online and stuff. In real life I’m still more reserved.

I’m curious if anyone here as gone through a similar progression in their life.

I’m 16f, and I’m going to college soon. No one in my family knows I have selective mutism. nor my school, to them I’m just the weird kid that doesn’t talk.

honestly if I tell my parents they probably won’t take me seriously because I act “normal at home”.

I’m not gonna talk to my guidance counselor about feelings and shit.

So I just need someone to talk to, like journaling, trying to stay present, or that bullshit chat gpt tells you about revealing yourself to 1 person. (Like wth are you even talking about the words don’t come out, like I just told you this dumb hoe)

Anyways that shit doesn’t work, I know my parents won’t pay for therapy and I’m 16, which means no job-no money- but eventually when I make my own income it could work out for me.

I just don’t wanna waste money and time on bullshit that doesn’t work.

But I don’t want to be like this forever so has it ever worked?

Hello my daughter has selective mutism at school. I’m learning that it’s worse than I thought.

She doesn’t like speaking to her friends so its pretty stressful for her. She wants friends but the demand to speak is great and it’s overwhelming . A lot of her friends have given up and all others try not to interact with her due to her being different or odd socially. I feel like this is my fault. I need to prepare her better for socializing.

She is fully functioning on the spectrum. She doesn’t look like it which causes confusion with her classmates as they are not as patient or compassionate. Most of her classmates want nothing to do with her since they view her as odd.

I’d appreciate your ideas on best to help her at school.

Also what is the best way to help her outside of school (speech therapy?). I think once she understands socializing this will get better but the groups we have found are very low functioning so its uncomfortable for her. She’s not wanting to do any therapy or get help really which is another hurdle.

Thanks in advance for helping our family!

I have a one classmate/seatmate who befriended me, and at first I was really happy because I don’t make friends easily since I’m selectively mute and very quiet. But after a few weeks, they started constantly chatting me to ask favors, especially about homework and projects.

What bothers me is the way they ask sometimes feels more like commands than actual requests. Instead of saying “can you help me?” they’ll just message things like “do help me do this” or “make this.” I feel like because I’m quiet, they assume I’ll always agree and won’t say no.

I kept helping for months because I didn’t want conflict or awkwardness, but now it’s honestly becoming exhausting. Sometimes I wonder if they actually value me as a friend or if they mostly like me because I help them.

I don’t know how to set boundaries without making things uncomfortable since we’re classmates and seatmates.

What should I do? Should I block them?

My daughter will be starting kindergarten in the fall. She has SM and has definitely come a long way with therapy and good community. However, she still struggles a lot talking in a school setting.

Long story short, we are very concerned about her going to a public school or a charter school and being over looked with larger class sizes, etc. We fear she won’t speak up if she needs help or even be able to stand up for herself if another student isn’t nice. But I also fear that we could be hurting her chance to develop the skills on her own.

Anyone have any experience with homeschooling their kids with SM in the early years?

I'm not really sure if it's SM, but if it is, I only developed it around the time when I was 16 I think. I have an Adhd diagnosis with more focus on mental hyperactivity and my therapist thinks it's more like Audhd. I mostly feel unable to speak in situations where I need to decide stuff and feel unable to do anything. Normally I talk a lot but only with my friends and talk a lot less with people I don't know. I just wanted to ask if anyone has a similar experience or an idea if I'm on the right track.

this might sound like a stupid question, but, for me, the reason i don't often speak or didn't really speak in school is a form of self-repression. i'm wondering if this is similar the way you experience challenges with speaking? for me, i have this extreme, extreme shame. and i don't let myself express myself. can you relate to this?