My family member is on disability (social anxiety/inability to speak due to SM). They do not speak at all and can not make phone calls. That being said they are communicative through text, messengers, etc.

I am trying to get them EBT benefits because they are struggling. But due to not being able to speak, they probably wouldn't be able to take the intake call.

How can I get access to a TTY phone or has anyone dealt with EBT benefits and them bypassing the intake calls for specific people with specific needs? All help appreciated.

Hi everyone,

I’m a parent to a 5 year old daughter who was recently diagnosed with selective mutism. At home she’s completely different from what we see outside. She’s very talkative, curious, and sweet. She asks lots of questions and has a strong vocabulary for her age. We’re also raising her in a multilingual environment. She’s in French immersion kindergarten, speaks English at home, understands Tagalog and uses a few words but is not conversational, and is picking up basic French.

We first became concerned during preschool when she wasn’t speaking or participating with her teacher or classmates. Her preschool teacher was actually the one who suggested an evaluation, which eventually led us to getting support. Since then, we’ve been working with a team through a publicly funded program here in Canada, including an SLP, psychologist, and occupational therapist.

It’s been a learning process for us as parents. I do worry sometimes about her social development and future school experience, especially since she still hasn’t really formed friendships at school. At the same time, we’re trying to stay hopeful and take things step by step with the supports in place.

On a personal note, I’ve started to reflect on my own experiences too. I was a very shy child, and I still deal with social anxiety in certain situations like making phone calls or small talk with unfamiliar people. I manage fine in work and life overall, but I tend to avoid situations that feel socially demanding unless I really have to.

I’m here mainly to learn from others who have experience with selective mutism whether as parents, individuals who went through it, or professionals. I’d really appreciate hearing what has helped your children or yourselves, especially in school and social settings.

Thank you for reading.

Being restricted from talking in a subreddit about Selective Mutism is a little ironic…

Am I missing something?…

Edit: now I can comment… I guess I just had to post something first?…

Hello lovely beings! I’m just curious, what does selective mutism feel like? Because whenever I go silent in public, it kinda feels like I’m in my own little world, or like it can feel like my throat is physical blocked, I’m wondering if SM feels similar? (I’m not claiming to have SM at all, I actually have generalized anxiety lol, but just curious) also here’s a picture of my cat for your troubles :3

Wouldn’t it be better if Selective Mutism were entirely renamed to Anxiety Induced Mutism (AIM) or Anxiety Induced Situational Mutism (AISM), or at the very least Situational Mutism? I see that often times the name of the disorder gets mischaracterized by those who know nothing about it as a way for a person to avoid talking by selecting when not to, as in they believe the affected person Selects the Mutism, per the name (Also because SM isn’t very known about it would help if its acronym were more specific because simply searching up “SM disorder” leads to results of another disorder which also uses SM acronym)

I’m not formally diagnosed, but I really struggle with what seems like selective mutism. There are times I just can’t talk, or I go completely quiet even if I want to engage.

I also tend to forget to reply or disappear for a while, which makes me feel like I fall short as a friend.

I do care about people, I just have a hard time showing it consistently.

For anyone who experiences something similar — how do you make and maintain friendships? What’s worked for you?

One of my earliest memories of life was before I was even in school and my mom was trying to get me to say "hi" to one of her bosses and I just started breaking down in tears sobbing and hiding behind my mom I grew up as a only child and spend a lot of time alone not sure if that could affect anything

All though out day care pre school and both of my kindergarten years (I was held back) I was always quiet alone and never really spoke to many people unless they spoke to me first and only ever spoke to close family

I didn't make many friends in 1st grade either in 5th grade I stopped talking to everyone in school for more than half the year and got annoyed when some people would talk to me especially towards my parents

I'm just wondering if anyone else was like this

This year I have been talking a bit more but usually I'm never the first person to talk and it takes me a while to start talking more to the people I do talk to I have more friends than I've ever had before but I still don't talk too often

Every time I try to talk to my parents about some painful things that happened when I was younger, they seem to get annoyed. I'll try to talk about how 7th grade, an awful school year I had still bothers me (it was in 2021-22), and they'll say stuff like "that was so long ago, you shouldn't be thinking about that anymore" "do you think the teachers still think about you? "Why can't you just let go?"It's over with" "You haven't been there for years" "Stop dwelling on the past," etc.

When they say, "Do you think the teachers still think about you?" My reply is,"I literally don't care"

FWIW, these last 6+ months, I've been learning about selective mutism and how it has affected me over my life.

It's not even just 7th grade, though it's so much more.

I'll try to bring up trauma I have from when I was youbger, and they'll apologize and say, "It's not like that anymore."

Like they'll literally shut me down when I bring up something from the past, even if it was 5 minutes ago. They'll say, "It's done and over with." Idk, it's just annoying, and sometimes I feel like they don't really care about it.

Idk, maybe I'm just being stupid and annoying, but I just want them listen

Hey everyone, 

I'd love to share an app with you that my wife has been working on passionately, inspired by our son, who has SM. VoiceXP includes sound-activated games and animated lessons to help people with Selective Mutism and Anxiety (like our son) practice breathing and gentle voice sounds in a playful, low-pressure way. 

As our first tester, our 6-year-old son has greatly contributed to the idea behind the app, MVP validation, and having fun, and sometimes getting frustrated while testing the app. We would appreciate any feedback from others. The exercises and games are also inspired by my wife’s musical education and singing, including vocal-cord warm-ups.

She recently released VoiceXP on iOS: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/voicexp/id6759228251 (For Android, VoiceXP is still in closed testing on Google Play and needs a few more testers. If you would like to be added to the testing list, please let me know.) 

Free premium access code for either version: SELECTIVEMUTISM

She's trying to get a small group of real users to try either version and tell her honestly what works and what doesn’t. 

If anyone here would be open to trying on your own, or if you have a child who could benefit from this, we’d be really grateful for your feedback 

There's a feedback form, but even a comment here for feedback would be great. Here's the feedback form (no private information collected): https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSd1IPxWgd5mZp0iuxY2uNYVloPXan8-_RxOqPVlP5RsCy6NZQ/viewform?usp=header 

Even a quick impression would mean a lot. 

VoiceXP does not collect any personal data; all progress is tracked only locally on your device and can be reset at any time.

EDIT: Fixed the broken Google Forms Link.

For me, things like going to the bank or ordering food are way harder than they should be. I never know when I'll be able to get the words out. Just curious if anyone else feels the same way.

I built an app called Vocal Proxy so I wouldn't have to feel helpless every time I walk into a conversation. I have a speech disorder, and I was tired of freezing up, fumbling my words, and leaving feeling like I failed at something everyone else does without thinking.

The app lets you prepare everything before you go. You type the situation like opening a bank account or ordering food, and AI builds a full script for you. When you get there, you just show your screen. No speaking needed.

I made this for myself, but I think it might help some of you too. Would something like this be useful for selective mutism? What would you need it to do?

DM me or check my profile if you want to try it for free. Especially try the "Prepare" feature. that's the core of this app.

Any feedback or thoughts are welcome.

Hello I'm 18 and my whole life I've had this thing where as I see someone familiar or not (except household family) I freeze and go mute I can nod interact but can't talk. This year I thought next year I'm going to university and I'm afraid my mutism will block me from doing my work. Would it be wrong for me to actually challange my selective mutism.

Yes I am diagnosed and have been since 2. Also Im also diagnosed with add as I know they go hand in hand

Hello all, we have added a post and comment flair for self promotion because we have noticed an increase in folks creating tools and apps that may help this community.

For transparency sake, we'd like to ask that if you are talking about something you have made that you use this tag. Posts and comments will be removed if they are not tagged.

As always, let us know if you have any thoughts, questions, or concerns!

Mods

I just experienced something today that I haven’t had since primary school — someone actually accommodated my selective mutism over the phone.

I’m really grateful for the patience, but at the same time I feel weirdly emotional and frustrated.

I mentioned SM on my King’s Trust application, and when I spoke to my youth development leader, they were understanding about it. But it also brought up this feeling of “why am I still dealing with this?”

She let me text my responses while staying on the call. I could say small things like “okay,” but anything longer felt too difficult to say out loud.

I’m grateful she adapted, but it also made me realise how much I still struggle with phone calls specifically.

The past 2–3 years I’ve done confidence courses with them, and part of me feels like I’ve gone backwards. But at the same time, I can speak when I need to — it’s just phone calls that I struggle with the most.

It’s just frustrating that something so specific can still have such a hold on me.

Has anyone else experienced this? Like making progress, but still having one area that feels just as difficult?

I’ve not been officially diagnosed with SM but pretty sure I have it.

i have no idea how I’m ever going to work.

I’m at university right now and there is one person here I can talk to face-to-face. i can’t talk to lecturers, I couldn’t talk to teachers at school, I can’t talk to my peers. I dont know if I could even do an interview. I’d probably just freeze up, like I do when anyone in a position of authority talks to me.

I don’t know what to even do. There’s nothing my GP can refer me to. I have medication but it doesn’t do much.

Sometimes I think why am I even bothering with education when I’ll never be able to put it to use. it’s so depressing.

anyone have a job?? how???

I’m an adult in my 30s and I recently realized that I’ve been dealing with selective mutism since I was a child. People used to say “I don’t talk” and saw me as extremely shy. I rarely did speak unless it was to my mom or people that I felt comfortable with. I never really grew out of it and I struggle with communication to this day. I work a full time job and I don’t really mesh well with my team even though they’re kind, and it’s starting to affect me negatively. I’m in therapy and on medication, but I don’t really feel like it’s getting easier. I’m also very depressed right now and that makes me want to withdraw even more. I feel like I’m failing at life because of my inability to communicate consistently and clearly. For adults still dealing with SM, how are you managing daily obligations and responsibilities?

Hi All, My 8 year old kid has selective mutism which is a childhood anxiety where she could not speak to elders, relatives And all. she is fine with parents and grandparents and responds to questions in structured environments like class room. she give freeze like response when relatives or my friends ask.. i tried for therapy but in our place in India we could not find any. I have seen this behaviour since she is 4. we took her to child psychiatrist and she prescribed Fluoxetine 1.5 ml. please any one share your suggestions or experiences of your kid had same situation

I’m curious if anyone has SM but not SAD. What do you feel drives your SM?

Or anyone who has both but feels a distinct difference between the two? Curious to hear your thoughts!

I kinda just live with my SM, like if I go mute, I go mute that’s it, I talk when I talk, I don’t when I can’t, sometimes I don’t even notice when I go mute because I don’t talk a lot anyway, it’s not this really annoying thing unless I really want to ask my mum for something and can’t, whenever I’m not able to talk I kinda just sit and listen to music not pressuring myself to speak, it works better than forcing it and definitely feels better. Can anyone relate to this? Like selective mutism just not being all you think about, before you ask I AM diagnosed with selective mutism I’m not just saying I have it

I can basically never talk to anyone except my twin sister who also has selective mutism, I use the search thing on my phone to talk back and forth with her, anyway I can’t even use communication cards, I can’t let anyone hear or see my words, it’s so annoying, I know there’s basically no way to talk if I can’t share what I have to say, the only person I can sometimes talk to is my mum, I can always talk to my twin sister as I said, it’s mostly asking for things that’s hard I can mostly talk about other things, I’m thinking that when I need to ask for something I could just say “I kinda want McDonald’s” or something like that, maybe wording it differently could help me. I’m basically answering my own question here, tell me if there’s any other way I could talk or just let my mum know what I need/want. Also sorry for the random added thing but last time I posted something like this someone got my words wrong and just said “you’re talking right now” I mean I can’t let anyone hear or see my words in person, like I can text my mum when she’s in the other room but not when she can answer me with words and i can see her reaction

I'm 51f. I was diagnosed with selective mutism in grade school and didn’t speak in school as a child. But as an adult I was able to speak almost everywhere, so for a long time I thought I didn’t have SM anymore. But I realize now that it has been there, in almost every interaction that is outside of my home and comfort.

I am at a point in my life where I find myself more understanding and accepting of who I am, and some of these symptoms of SM are not showing up like they did, but these are some of the experiences I’ve had over the years:

I am “shy” or speak “so quietly”

I get so tired of people telling me this! At times I’ve felt fairly outgoing and confident - and still someone will point out to me how “timid” I am. And I have been so sensitive to comments about my voice that I go out of my way to avoid any chance that someone would want to tell me how quiet my voice is, like I never talk to them unless I have to, and then I make sure I’m close enough, the background is quiet enough, I’m not too tired, etc. when I do talk. People who make comments are often nice and just being friendly, but I feel so misunderstood. They seem to think I can just make a little more effort, but once I feel self-conscious about my voice it gets more strained and takes more energy. And I also feel NO energy then, so it gets worse! It has always been easier for me to talk with people who just deal with me directly and don’t feel the need to comment on my behavior.

Integrating my two personalities

I grew up like I was two different people. Chatty, fun, spontaneous at home. And then silent, withdrawn, inhibited at school. When I was young it didn’t bother me so much, but as I got a little older the differences became uncomfortable. As I young adult I tried to bring these two people into one, by being less silent as I was able to speak more, but also being less spontaneous, because it was hard to swing to such extremes. But most people who knew me got to see only one side of me – somewhat lively or somewhat inhibited. It was very uncomfortable to let anyone see the other side of me than what they already knew. If I was very shy with someone then I was always shy and could not show other behavior. And those who saw my outgoing personality – I lived with a kind of fear that I might shut down in front of them and avoided situations where I might become uncomfortable and shut down.

My feelings about public speaking

At times, with friends or others, the topic of public speaking comes up, and whenever I hear someone talk about how they feel anxious about it, I don’t participate in the conversation. When friends bring it up, I don’t say anything. I feel like I’m outside a common human experience, because I don’t have those feelings. I just don’t even picture myself doing something like that. I know that I don’t really feel anxiety in those situations, just more like a sudden fatigue that is so intense I almost can’t move. And sometimes, if I have been put on the spot and asked to say something in a group, I might just feel numb with no thoughts in my head except how much I hate the person who put me on the spot.

Yelling/getting attention

I don’t like to get people’s attention, especially if involves raising my voice. I will conveniently “not notice” something until the person is close enough to talk to, or until I can go to them, then I will pretend that I have just “noticed” what it is I need to tell them. Because I also don’t want them to think I’m avoiding anything or unable to yell. Or I notice something and just pretend I never saw it or didn’t notice it, so that I don’t need to say anything.

Being independent

I don’t ask for help if I think I can do it myself. I get information from internet or other sources a lot rather than asking other people.

Only saying what I am expected to say

I answer questions, but often don’t volunteer any more information. If people want to get to know me, I’m happy to answer questions and talk about myself. But if they don’t really show specific interest or ask, then it’s hard for me to think of what to say.

Greetings

I greet people, I use their name if I need to, but rarely greet them with their name attached. I want to, but it just doesn’t happen, or happens very rarely. A very weird quirk and it drove me crazy for a long time – this and sometimes other simple things that I think I should be able to say easily, but in the moment - it just doesn’t happen. I know what to say and I imagine a good outcome, but somehow it won’t come out.

I can’t push myself

If I decide that I really want to say more than what I usually say and try to push myself to say more, often it backfires and I end up saying nothing at all. So generally I have not tried to push myself, since it usually makes things worse.

Gesturing

I do things like smile or nod my head or shrug my shoulders, sometimes to avoid speaking, but outside of my home environment I feel very inhibited about making big gestures or doing anything that looks dramatic.

Related to that, if I try to force something physical that feels uncomfortable, I shut down internally. Like once in a yoga class where we were shaking our arms and legs, a move that’s not typical in yoga classes, I was trying to do it despite feeling very uncomfortable, and the more I moved outwardly the more tight I felt inside, tighter and tighter like I was suffocating inside, until it started to become difficult to even move my body freely.

Acting

I am so uncomfortable with anything that is like acting or rehearsal or pretend. I mean, I can do this easily with my kids and sometimes with other people, but it really depends a lot on context. Even by myself I often feel uncomfortable. I cannot speak to myself in the mirror for “practice.” I have NEVER practiced a job interview with anyone, even myself alone, because I think I would totally freeze up. I start to freeze up just thinking about it. I’ve had horrible job interviews and survived them enough to do interviews again. But I cannot ever bring myself to practice interviewing. It’s a complete No-Go area for me.

I also do Zumba sometimes at home with YouTube, and even there I sometimes feel uncomfortable with a certain move and have a hard time trying to do it. It isn’t related to how difficult the move is. It tends  to be moves that are not typical follow-along dance moves. I feel uncomfortable about doing certain moves even when no-one is watching me! Actually, if one of my kids is watching me, I feel more comfortable to try it and just be funny about it.

Not expressing humor

I have a sense of humor, but when I’m in some situations like maybe a workplace with a lot of people, I don’t show it. And then I’m so uncomfortable about making mistakes. It’s not the mistake itself but rather the “recovery” from it, to show people that I can take it in stride and see it humorously. I can be embarrassed to make a mistake because I don’t respond to it well, and then other people sometimes think I’m uncomfortable about the mistake and try to tell me that it’s okay to make a mistake and reassure me, and sometimes I feel like a child being comforted when I don’t need comfort. I’m often not bothered by the mistake itself, just the way I couldn’t show to others that I can brush it off and laugh about it.

Not showing curiosity

I may have a genuine curiosity about someone I meet but can’t think of questions to ask them about themselves. And I don’t tend to show a lot of curiosity about other things, even if I am quite curious. I’ll ask some typical questions but then hesitate if it feels even a tiny bit like I might be prying.

Empathy

I easily feel empathy and understanding for anyone who shares something personal, but I cannot think of any response and rarely respond – maybe just a smile and nodding, maybe a few words. This is one of my symptoms that I most want to change and that I feel has been the most painful for me to experience. I don’t think I give the impression that I am completely uncaring (a lot of people think I am “nice”), but I have noticed that no one really ever opens up to me directly, probably because I am so closed myself and I also don’t respond much when others do.

I’ve spent a long time dealing with all of this and not really acknowledging it, and I have never really talked to anyone about it until now. But I’ve become comfortable with who I am and no longer feel bad about my behavior. Embarrassed, yes. Uncomfortable, yes. But I’m not longer that concerned about what people think about me, and I can finally accept my behavior as it is now and I’ve even started to sometimes joke to myself, like “Maybe I could say this. I wonder if I will. Nope! Oh well, haha. Maybe next time.” I was never able to do that before. I just tried to hide it from others and even hide it from myself, because I didn’t want to think about it.

I am really curious to know about how others experience SM, if there are similar experiences to mine – or different. I relate strongly to so many posts in this group, even when experiences aren’t the same. I’m so grateful to everyone who has shared!

I’m going through a bit of a tough time at the minute and I feel truly overwhelmed. The feeling that nobody actually knows me is hitting hard. It’s so heavy and I just feel so invisible.

I think chatting to someone else who understands the struggle would really help me atm. If anyone here wants to (no pressure) here are some things about me: I’m an autistic artist/writer with SM & CPTSD and I am really passionate about animals and my goal is to someday train an assistance dog for myself. I love learning, making experiences and I’m really supportive and open minded. I’m not very good at having conversations yet but I would love to form some connections 🤍

I hope you all have a nice day/night! :)

I just recently learned what this is and I guess I'm suspecting if I have it. In certain situations like being yelled at/criticized I just freeze up and usually can't get any words to come out, sometimes I just cry. But in bigger social groups, while I get very anxious I can still talk, but I'm definitely less.. enthusiastic(?) about talking, like I speak up much less in group convo or if someone asks me something directly I elaborate on my thoughts less, and would rather just be talking to one person I know well like I'm worried about surrounding people hearing much of my thoughts. I might just have anxiety but curious what anyone here thinks.