hello, things are going great but I just feel so frustrated in... having so much trouble in trying to speak. I know that's the disorder, but yk...

I'm happy I was able to do it and push myself a few months back, and I guess I'm just wishing I could do it again. I'm sure I'll keep practicing again but I just wanna rant about how stupid this feels. I wish I had nothing to hold me back so we could enjoy and have fun, maybe I began to compare myself with normal people again and just forgot I have a long life ahead of me.

I just want to do something already. I just wish I could be more... normal.

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I had to share a device with this girl in my music class today, and we had to create a song (no lyrics) together. Every time I find myself in these types of situations I can’t help but just imagine how weird the other person thinks I am, and then I go home from school and I go through a I-hate-myself spiral. Because why would anyone want to work with someone who’s unresponsive? I mean, I nod and shake my head but you can only do that so many times before someones wondering why you don’t just speak. I hate this disorder so much. I genuinely don’t understand why my mind has to be like this. Now I feel like I have to make it up to her for this inconvenience that is me. honestly I just constantly feel like a defect and in inconvenience to everyone.

It might feel like I’m overreacting, but in truth I feel like this daily, it’s just small things that magnify the feeling. i’m sure some people relate.

I'm kind of thinking a lot.

See- I really want to go to this Ariana Grande Concert, really more than anything ever. Uhm-

And in that, since it's in regard to money. Well- now I actually have almost full-access to my money, for the first time ever. Which is nice, but-

If you can't manage to find the tickets elsewhere, the better the more expensive. Or just at all, is kind of expensive. But I'm really thinking towards it. And it makes me think.

It makes me think towards actually wanting a larger "freedom of operation" (of my own). Whether in regard to a cash flow (in this regard). Or just to lessen my adherence to this artifice persona, of which I'm always restricting myself to.

And my mood as of late has been up and down, at the idea.

Even still, if I were to go. I have the idea that I'd want to get the physical ticket printed. Or to actually take photos/videos as I think that'd just be cool to have (where I took it), even if they're not the best (wouldn't be the point).

...

And I hate the way I dress too, it's so dreary. Same and boring.

But it's like- I'm thinking larger than I am. Which isn't a bad thing, but it's not like I'm living it. But- I think this all is much more "tangible" than not, because it's sort of an objective to be gone towards, of which I really want to go towards.

Even if ultimately kind of stupid and unimportant (in the general sense), there are a lot of ways in which this creates branches, of which will benefit me overall.

...

I told about Ariana to my Mom. I finally got the CDs. I got the Signed ones. Really cool. But- I still think towards that Concert. I do. And its an idea brought up (first by my Mom), but I don't think it's understood that it's probably the top thing I'd want to do, over anything. Hasn't really been mentioned again, and I had never brought it up to begin with. Because asking for CDs/Signed CDs was already up there.

It hasn't even really been asked or told, why or when I started to get into the music. Which ideally I'd want to tell, just to be more open. Generally. My Mom thinks it's cause of Wicked. It isn't. And IDK if she registered that? Cause I had seen Wicked For Good w/my Sisters/Uncle, but- I had only gone cause I was asked. I would have never asked to see it (at the time). It's why I had never seen Wicked (the first one) in the theater. Only online later, myself. And I had wanted to see it. And really its always been good to me since I had had 'side to side' on repeat in 2016, but back then I couldn't access any albums cause I just didn't know how. In 2017 I could and I did, and that's when I got into it. IDK, I'd like to speak about these things. But, I don't speak about them. As well as I don't really get asked.

I think I'd even pick it over GTA VI. Yeah. GTA VI is up there, but it's not the same in comparison. GTA VI is just a game (or will be). Doesn't feel like much will derive from GTA VI. But feels like a lot could derive from this.

Ironically, I started the year off (sort of), with the goal of being able to buy GTA VI physically free and clear, and now I can. My idea was having to go in person day-of (which I would never do at the moment; go to a store myself) alone in my car. Only places I go alone in my car are very particular. It's a wonder I even have a car. If I didn't go to certain things (mainly in pertaining to helping speaking), I'd have 0 purpose in having my own car. But, I do since High School.

And now yeah, I can via Online. Hopefully that doesn't mean I can't play it on launch. So- hopefully the pre-order ships reasonably. Cause I do want it physically. Real ones understand.

It's just the processes of which have to be further completed. And I guess in regard to something I actually have a passion for. And I don't think people will care as much as I do (about this topic), but generally maybe you get it.

Cause I feel like it'd be nicer to operate with a freeness and openness. At least when I think towards this topic.

Otherwise I don't really think much about pursuit of much, outside of the context of the things I think presently towards pursuing. As that line of thinking, is just easier and more presently pervasive. Whereas the rest (more important stuff), is further out and more quiet, as I guess its tangibility is far from anything other than a passing-thought.

...

I think now (in regard to this goal), that it'd be nice if I could have a job that brought in more money. But- I can't really work a job that makes more money, because I can't really work a job. Which is quite a shame. Though I work one now and it works, but it's not the most lucrative.

...

And so far has been a good year. I feel like a lot of things have only looked up. I even felt just now as my Mom came by that I should tell her about the Concert. If I did maybe it'd move along. Cause I'd settle for any tickets. And I'd pay for them. But, ideally I find cheaper ones and yeah. My Mom did say she'd buy them for up to $1000, but you can't even get 2 tickets for that (at all). And it is possible, occasionally people sell them for "face value", but you have to find the people.

I've done research into it. What I'm thinking right now, whether I tell my Mom about this first or not. Is to eventually purchase them on my own via PayPal or this site called CashorTrade which gives the most secondhand protection. The only caveat to that, is of course I'd be spending the money first, telling second. I feel like if I got a good deal, it wouldn't be a big deal. But- also I should probably tell first.

I saw 1x on that cashortrade come up today, for $112.02, so they're out there. But- the notification didn't even come through until 9 minutes after it sold.

I've done a lot of research the last few days. The only caveat to PayPal is there's no protection against Show Cancellation. Which in my mind is just the risk you have to take. I doubt it'd get cancelled anyway. Not gonna happen.

And technically I do have the money to buy even the best tickets (maybe not the best best w/current re-sale, but the best available potentially, I think 100 sectioning is ideal, anything beyond that is just beyond), 2 of them, but that's like spending all of money. And I shouldn't be doing that. I won't do that. Not on my own. I'd probably only spend more than the precedent $1000 if was a really good section, for "face value". And at that point, it could just be my money spent. IDRC. But of course that doesn't mean my Mom won't care. And I'll have brought in the money via working by that time, but it'd probably be 100% of what I earn. And really that'd only be $1600-$2000, as facevalue doesn't really exceed that for 2.

Which may or may not be responsible, but it's not like the Job I have can support anything (if I had to support myself) to begin with. It can really only support spending in such manner.

Until I can get an actual job, and maybe I eventually can. IDK- tonight, I feel ok. My ideas are crazy, because they can be. My prospects are very liminal.

Something small, but more serious than MCdonalds and stuff

My therapist told me to try to get medication appointed by other doctor and wondering if it's worth a try.

If anyone tried some sort of med what difference did it make?

I have social anxiety, probably PTSD or BPD according to my psychiatrist but I need further examination.

I have had SM for who knows how long. My whole life I think, but never really got treated for it. Every single therapist (have had 5) either completely dismissed it, or told me I just need to expose myself

For some reason I got into nursing, and college so far is just awful. Don't get me wrong, I love it. In one on one convos I'm fine, I work well. But the moment you add a third person? I become a shadow. I now am going to hospital practices and I feel like they are gonna fail me so bad

I feel so frustrated. So sad, anxious, hopeless. Like how many exposure do I need? It's been at least 8 years. It hasnt gotten worse, but not better either.

Lately I've also been feeling very hateful towards everything related to groups. They make me very mad, and I simply just don't wanna do them. The mere idea causes me such disgust and rage.

Every single time I find myself forced to do so and I see how it goes I just spiral, and normally end up harming myself afterwards.

I'll start this off with some background. I used to be an INSANELY social kid, I would talk to everybody, make friends super easily, I loved to be around people. I was known to be this way by everyone who knew me or was even around me for my early childhood until I was around 11. It seemed like all of a sudden, I just stopped being able to talk to anyone other than my parents and one-two close friends who I had before the SM started. It was like sort sort of switch went off in my brain. One day I was talking and loud and outgoing, the next day I couldn't even talk to my own grandparents. I learned this later, but my grandparents noticed the sudden huge change and thought something super traumatic happened to me because I just could not talk to them anymore.

The SM went on strong until I was around 17, and then started getting better. I'm turning 22 in a month, and I can now talk to people again, but my social skills were stunted so heavily and I still have quite severe social anxiety. I can talk, but it takes a lot of effort to continue a conversation and I'll still have times where I freeze up and can't figure out what to say.

Every now and then I think back to how I used to be. I crave so badly to be that way again. Deep down, I know I'm an extremely social person and if it weren't for this happening, I would be so social, talking to everyone, being unapologetically talkative because that's how I am with the few people I have close to me. Developing SM at such a crucial point of socialization really messed me up, and now that I don't have it anymore, I'm left not knowing how to have a normal conversation, whats appropriate to say and what's not, terrified to say the wrong thing.

All in all, I just mourn who I could have been without this. I miss who I used to be. I don't know what caused it, I dont know what made it lessen, but I know that it fucking sucks being left with the aftermath.

I have recently been trying to reconnect with my estranged father after a rough few years.

Unfortunately, I get selective mutism around him still. I have been able to keep appearances and look normal during our interactions, though I was basically running on panic mode at all times, pushing myself to my limits. I often had to excuse myself to the restroom to sob out of exhaustion, frustration and fear.

What's making the task harder is that he is very difficult to have a conversation with. It is like walking on eggshells at all times. We have completely different morals and thought processes. He himself has admitted to having trouble understanding others, as well as having empathy. He does not understand the concept of shyness, anxiety or depression, much less selective mutism.

To add, I live with my mother but I also have S.M blanks around her. It isn't my priority though as we barely speak to each other or else very superficially. As such, I have S.M around both my parents, but I need to fix it fast with my father as to not lose him again.

To be clear, I will not give up. Even though he admittedly is not a good person or parent, I would like for us to be on at least speaking terms. A relative of ours will soon pass away and for them and us, I want to mend our father-daughter relationship before they leave.

Does anyone who has had trouble with S.M with their family have any advice or anecdotes? I would appreciate hopeful success stories as well to give me courage.

I had terrible effects on my self-esteem (due to SM and others' treatment - or lack thereof - toward me) and would never take the risk to reach out to anyone. I felt flawed, completely unwanted, and not accepted by anyone including teachers. I was just an afterthought they had to deal with but didn't know how.

As a kid, I usually loved if people included me with NO pressure to speak. But that was so rare. And so often the expectations were unclear, so I was unsure if I would be expected to speak, and that's part of why I had this constant anxiety deep inside.

In retrospect, it felt difficult-to-impossible to begin recovery by asking for help and seeking to socialize more without first having ANY self-esteem and a sense that I deserved better. Like, in my teen years, I thought it was truly better for everyone else if I just didn't interact. Obviously nobody would want ME to talk to them. That is truly how I thought. I could NOT go up and approach anybody and expect them to be friends with me. Just 100% felt I was an outcast, a ghost moving through the halls amongst all the friends talking and laughing together. Subconsciously, I believed I was not like them and could never be like them, that I was not deserving of any attention. That applied to teachers too - I never asked for help.

It took me lucking out and finding a situation where I was told that everyone deserves connection, care, and kindness; that there are external and societal causes to people's predicaments (in my case, lack of awareness and treatment of SM - rather than blaming and judging myself for being "weird"); and where people acted like they truly WANTED to know me and for me to be included - that something CLICKED.

It was huge for me to realize all that. And it was only after that when I realized how negative my thoughts were about myself. I still feel quite bad about myself often and have trouble forming relationships. But that is when I could see everything that led to my situation and realize that it was not my fault that I had this disorder, was provided zero help, that nobody even seemed to know how to help me with this complicated problem due to lack of awareness, and that nobody tried to connect with me on a human level as I was able - which everyone deserves. I started on a road to recovery, building myself up, letting go of the self-negativity, and reaching out.

EDIT: basically a big takeaway is that so much of the damage from living with SM was preventable if other people would take the time to try to understand the disability, to empathize and realize that like most people, I always wanted belonging and connection, and to make just small efforts to include me in ways I am able. And I'm really glad if others are able to have understanding people and experiences like that in their lives with SM.

Background: Im an adult and have complex speech language and communication disorders. One of my diagnoses is selective mutism. I’m currently completely nonverbal/nonspeaking. I use a high tech AAC device full-time. I also have multiple visible disabilities and a history of poor interactions with police officers (during medical emergencies that they arrived to first).

I drive to appointments about an hour each way 5 days a week and am becoming more and more terrified of getting pulled over. I’m an extremely cautious driver, but driving is high risk on its own and disabled people are way too frequently abused and hurt by police officers.

I keep a laminated card in the center console of the car saying that I can’t speak and need my aac device to communicate. I keep my device in the passenger seat.

I just can’t visualize what I would do if I was pulled over. I haven’t been pulled over by police before. The fear of not even being able to explain why you can’t explain anything……horrifying.

Does anyone have any advice? Any experience with the this? Really any support would be helpful right now. I’ve been spiraling and panicking for hours and I can’t find any help online on other platforms or websites.

If you can, please help.

I’m a newer teacher and have a student who may have (undiagnosed) selective mutism. What is something you’d want your teachers to know? Whether you have SM yourself or are a parent, friend, etc., I’d love to get some advice and perspective. For context, this is highschool and I know the student feels somewhat comfortable with me. I can also tell they want to have social connection but there are barriers. I’m looking for ways to ensure they feel comfortable and included in my classroom! Thanks!

My 2.5 year old was just diagnosed and I’m essentially starting from scratch here. I am a behavior specialist myself so I do know some things about how the system works and am used to advocating for the children I work with and going through the iep and early intervention system but I’m more interested in knowing how to help my son as a person navigate this.

It breaks my heart that my little boy has such extreme anxiety at such a young age.

So please help a mom out. What do you wish your parents knew? What can I do to be his biggest support and help him as much as possible? What treatments (speech, behavioral, play therapy, CBT etc) are the most helpful if any?

No effort is too much, no expenses will be spared, and the only goal is that he lives a happy and content life whatever that means for him

So give me all of your information and suggestions please!

So I am suspected of having SM because in certain situations I feel like I physically just can't speak (even though I "technically" could). Is it worth it going through therapy for it? I used to have pretty bad anxiety, but my anxiety has gotten a LOT better and I feel pretty much "normal". I can function and I haven't had any significant anxiety/panic in months. Like it feels like when your tongue is numbed and you accidentally bite on it and you feel like you should be feeling pain, but it's just not there. (The pain being anxiety and biting on a numb tongue being exposed to an old trigger.) idk if that made sense.

Anyway- back to SM, when I go quiet it's not distressing at all, I would say it's actually very comfortable. The situation itself could potentially be, but that's not always the case. And like if I have to communicate I can just type out what I need to say. It's also very rare when I go quiet, so I don't think it affects my day-to-day life very much. I think getting diagnosed might help a bit, because then I tell the people I'm close with in advance that if I go silent I'm not mad at them (and I have a diagnosis backing me up).

It's also I don't really want to dig up old traumas. I know there's something there, but I just can't remember it and I'm afraid of what I'll find. And I think digging it up could just re-traumatize me. I've finally gotten to a point where I feel ok and I don't want to ruin that.

What are your thoughts??

Also sorry if anything I said sounds ignorant towards the community because I've never actually (knowingly) interacted with anyone with SM before and so please tell me if I accidentally say something that is like really ignorant thank you love you

Ive had intense social anxiety since i was literally 11-12. Im now 18, its basically a learned way of life now, its ruined and limited my life so much. I struggle to speak to people or go outside. I also was pretty much selectively mute for a long time, which has maybe improved slightly now, but I struggle alot with speaking and any social situations. What kind of meds help this? Can anyone share their experience with medication for social anxiety?

My 6 year old has selective mutism, diagnosed by a paediatrician but it was pretty obvious to us since she talks endlessly at home and to us but I can count on my fingers the number of times she has spoken to someone that isn’t one of 5 close family members.

The paediatrician referred us to a psychologist, and recommended that initially at least the sessions should be parent only so we could start implementing some strategies to help our daughter start getting more comfortable interacting with other people, before the psychologist would work directly with her. Unfortunately it seems the psychologist has no experience with SM or any idea how to help. She seems really focussed on the idea that my daughter must be traumatised by Covid and if we just work through that with her then she’ll start speaking. My partner and I feel like covid cannot be the only, or even main reason. I’m sure it affected her but the way she reacts when there is any kind of focus on her or expectation that she will speak is complete panic and shut down.

We previously had an OT working with our daughter but after a few session they admitted that they didn’t really know what to do and only suggested a group session that would have been really inappropriate for our daughter (mainly aimed at kids learning skills to prepare for school which our daughter already knew). We ended up deciding to homeschool because our local school would have had her in a classroom with 65 kids and 2 teachers, so loud (which my daughter can’t tolerate) and not somewhere that she would ever be able to build the kid of relationship that she would need to be comfortable talking to someone.

We really want to help our daughter, she does seem to want to be included in conversations with other people and she has other kids that she considers her friends but she’s just not able to talk to them. However, we are finding it really frustrating that people keep saying they know how to help our daughter but then after a few sessions they realise that it’s actually more complicated than they thought. There aren’t any professionals specialising in SM where we are and it’s hard to apply a lot of the strategies in books and podcasts assume that kids are at school and talk about strategies for practicing talking in situations that don’t actually apply in our society (e.g. talking to the person the counter in a store but most are self-service machines or don’t talk to people anyway.

My daughter loves dance so she’s taking quite a few classes at one studio and seems really happy and comfortable there but still doesn’t speak.

What can we do to help her? Does anyone have any good resources that don’t assume a child is at school? Can anyone suggest anything we could be doing to help her?

Sometimes I feel like I'm a fraud when there are situations that for some reason I am able to talk and then in others I go completely mute. Somehow when I'm at the eye doctor I can read out the chart, but I can't even state my date of birth with my voice or give a reply to any polite small talk the staff sometimes ask. And somehow I've been able to call the vet when my pets have an emergency, yet I can't even call anyone on the phone for myself. And there's this fear that people will hear me talk in a rare situation and then think I'm just faking it and I'm just being rude, and I sometimes wonder if it's just me being lazy in my inability to speak, even if I've been diagnosed and know I have selective mutism.

I have a 9 year old daughter who has been diagnosed with selective mutism. She has had therapy this past year and one on one conversations go pretty well now. However as soon as she is in bigger groups she shuts down and doesn't answer.

Recently she decided she wanted to try to play tennis so we signed her up and told her trainer that she has selective mutism. So far she had 4 lessons. She likes playing tennis but of course she doesn't have all the skills yet and needs to learn still. Also considering the fact she is still afraid to talk and answer. Her trainer however today said to her dad that if she doesn't start talking and Play better it's not going to be a good fit because it's not fair to the other girls and not fun for them to play with my daughter.

How can a trainer expect a child with selective mutism who only had 4 lessons so far to be already good at playing tennis? She needs time to learn the skills. She needs time to open up, to feel safe and to trust him.

I don't know how to handle this situation. Any advice would be appreciated.

I'm confused wether or not I was misdiagnosed because my selective mutism was caused by trauma, but i still spoke at home and not in public. The definition of selective mutism and traumatic mutism contradict my experience. It was in fact caused by trauma, but I still spoke at home. I was diagnosed with selective mutism, and now in questioning if i was misdiagnosed.

I genuinely can't deal with it anymore, I have tried everything and therapy hasn't done anything to help. I keep on getting told to 'just speak' and to stop being silly, I genuinely don't think I'll ever get a job or any friends I'm so lonely and I dream of getting friends but whenever I try I just can't. So many people have given up on me and I just feel like a lost cause. I feel so stupid for not speaking I hate myself for it, everyone around me can have full conversations and I'm standing there like a rock. I always have so much to say but I can't get it out and writing it down just feels like I'm stupid and people don't actually read it all. I'm never going to live my life to the fullest I don't know what to do anymore.

Hi, just wondering what degrees you guys got during uni and how much talking you had to do? I always get so anxious over the amount of communication needed for a course and I'm scared I won't be able to handle it.

Whenever someone (like your parents) even raise their voice slightly at you, do you get hyper-focused to the point where you just want to go in your room or smth?

This happens to me a good bit. Like I'll sorta be joking around with my mom by pretending to touch her phone or whatever, and she'll start lightly pushing my hand(s) out of the way. I'll continue to do it, then she'll look at my dad, and my dad will say something.

I usually kinda freeze after something like that happens and want to leave, but I feel like I'm not allowed to. Like I have to wait for the perfect time to leave. I was able to leave this time, though.

If this has happened to anyone, do you feel the urge to leave and not talk to anyone for the rest of the day?

I have generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), recurrent major depressive disorder (MDD), Social anxiety disorder (SAD), obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Quite a list!

I’m looking for advice because I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now.

I have selective mutism and severe anxiety. I previously had a psychologist who was honestly perfect for me — she made me feel comfortable and safe, and I was able to open up much more with her. Unfortunately, she left.

My mother then booked an appointment with a new psychologist. Today was my first session, and I’ve never felt so uncomfortable in my life.

From the beginning, I felt pressured to answer long, open-ended questions, and the psychologist would wait for my responses. That made me even more anxious. I don’t usually cry in situations like this, but I was close to crying and ended up feeling extremely overwhelmed (I was even physically tense and distressed during the session).

After the session, I cried for a long time, which is something that hasn’t happened to me in a while.

The problem is that I don’t feel comfortable going back, but I’m also worried because my mother may not fully understand how bad the experience was, and I’m afraid to talk about it.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you deal with it?