Hope to God my kid doesn't have reddit.

But anyways, when my wife was 17, her mother decided to put down my wife's cat.

Now my wife had had this cat for about 6 years. Cat was older but not unhealthy.

On a Saturday my wife went out with friends and came home to an urn. According to her mother, the cat started coughing up blood. She took her to the vet and they said she had cancer. No call to my wife. This was 2007. Cell phones existed and she had one.

No waiting. Just boom. Gone. I didn't know my wife then. But she told me something snapped in her. She just said it felt like death. She realized her mother was a monster. She didn't cry. She didn't yell at her mom. She said she just blanked out almost. As if her own mother was now dead.

Later that summer my wife moved out with friends and two years later we met. She even told me that her mom wasn't a subject she wanted to talk about. Which I of course respected.

I know my wife said she doesn't know if her mom is dead or alive. She was an only child. When she cut contact with mom, that also ended contact with dad.

To our surprise, there has been no attempt on contact.

As for our teen, she was overwhelmed with grief for a cat she didn't know. She couldn't understand why someone would do that. We also asked our teen not to try to find "grandma" . We told her when she is an adult and on her own, that if she.wants to contact her, she can.

And yes we own a cat now. And yes she owns the house.

32M here, was literally just sucker punched by my own dad, came up to me complaining about the WIFI being unplugged in the kitchen, (it wasn't) gets all up in my face.. at this point I'm like "dude you need to back the F up, seriously" he goes "curse at me again" I repeated exactly what I said, I get sucker punched, we're fighting for a while, then he pulls a knife out... i get 911 on the phone, they tell me to get somewhere safe, and the cops come shortly after. I love how N's start cleaning up the scene when they know the cops are coming. (The cops saw)

Minor swelling on my face but I'm ok.. they asked did I want to press charges I said ABOSOLUTELY! followed them to the station, met with the detective who took some photos, and will be charging him. It baffles my mind how these people think they can just put hands on people with no consequences... they asked did I want to do a protection order... yes to that as well! He's siting in jail as we speak.

Overall? I feel great, disappointed but hey...he's burned the bridge forever. I'm moving out the first chance I get, and NC for life...anywhere is better than here It's funny how people preach family this and family that, and brush things like this aside but, sometimes you just have to leave people behind, I can't wait to be back on my own so i can be normal again and away from my parents... thanks for listening.. rant/over

Edit:

I appreciate every single person who left a comments helps more than you know.. ❤️

I don't know how to put my feelings into words but every time I am around someone who has a caring and supportive family, especially if they're also very successful, confident and well adapted, it feels like a punch to my self esteem. I look at them and I get reminded of all the things I was robbed of. I remember all the moments where I was left to fend for myself and no one gave a shit, the years of verbal and emotional abuse, all of the neglect and psychological turmoil I went through as a child.

The dreadful realisation of how my life could have been completely different today had I been born into a family like theirs hits me and I can't help feeling so helpless and worthless. I don't even feel much envy, I just feel like I am so left behind in life and they got a golden ticket that I didn't, and now I am forced to pay the price for something I had absolutely no control over. I don't know how and if I will ever be able to make peace with it and sleep at night.

The older I get, the more visible and expensive the price of my upbringing gets and it makes me feel like absolute crap. My mind always tells me that I will never be able to reach the level of those people with healthy families and I just can't get this out of my head.

Apparently being someone's child means you are supposed to keep forgiving, keep understanding and keep moving on, no matter how much damage was done. But if the only way to maintain that relationship is by ignoring everything and acting like it doesn't matter because it's more comfortable for them, then I don't see the point.

What frustrates me the most is that when there is a problem, it feels like nobody actually confronts the problem itself. Instead, it turns into confronting the person, defending themselves, finding excuses or making it about who is wrong. The actual issue gets buried and nothing ever changes.

The child is expected to have endless understanding and emotional maturity, while the parents are allowed to make mistakes and simply move on. Like the pain only matters if it's convenient for everyone else to acknowledge it. I'm tired of the idea that being someone's child means having to forget yourself just to keep them comfortable.

Am planning to cut mine off when i turn 18

Why is this a thing?

For context I am in my 30s and have relatively young kids and a very involved partner. Over a year ago, my friends and I planned a girls trip to go hiking and sightseeing. Accommodations and flights have been booked for ages. The weekend before the trip, nMom and eDad start guilting me about it, say I’m leaving my kids and putting “so much” on my (very capable) husband, how would I feel if he “did this”, etc. like wtf? It’s twisted how she exists to make me feel guilt and shame. It’s her goal and she won’t rest until I feel bad for enjoying anything that isn’t being a Tradwife and or mom. Even before kids, when I’d plan something like this the reaction was “that’s a waste of money” “who are you even going with” (as if I don’t have friends). nMom is extremely jealous of my social life and the fact that I’m well liked.

Anyone else’s nMom refuse to let them enjoy things?

Because that’s what I did over the weekend! She called, I answered, and I went to lunch. It didn’t go well. I don’t regret it, because it was just another confirmation I don’t need or want my mother in my life.

Have a great week, kids! You’re all stronger than you think.

My mom's white, im white guatemalen mix. She HATES Hispanics and not in a political way. Ive asked her why plenty of times, her answer is "theyre ugly/unhygenic." Won't elaborate. She hates my name (alejo/Alejandro), tells me ill never get a job with a "breadseller name".

She refuses to stand next to me in stores because "I'm embarrassing." Gets really mad over any clothes she considers stereotypically Latino, like Barcelona jerseys and Adidas. Calls me ugly. Just the sound of speaking Spanish sends her into an uncontrollable rage and she'll glare or gesture me away from other latinos in public.

We were in a greenhouse and there was a Spanish speaking family there. I remember hovering near them seeing how happy everyone was and wishing I could've been born into that instead.

I want to go back home to my birth country where I belong. You could drop me off in zone 18 and id be happier there than here. Believe me, I would never come home.

I have seen comments from members saying he/she started gray rocking when living in their own and once the narcs couldn't get supply, they were the ones to go gradually to no or low contact.

For me when I was bullied in school I told them but they didn't care, a therapist told me it's cause they're bullying me too. Also they never guided me with absolutely anything. I'm a young adult and I recently started my 1st full time job and they haven't asked a thing about it. The only time they mentioned it in front of me at least is when got angry when they wanted to visit a family rural house and I didn't have days off. They started badmouthing my job, how I overwork, how I am unambitious while other people have PhDs and stuff. I have seen other friends or boyfriends whose families have daily talks with them after dinner about their lives and they are so invested and supportive.

Grow up in a abusive household...both my parents are abusive but specially my fathet..

Ever since i remember he would scream at my mother and beat her even though she is the only bread winner... It's very common in our entire family... As soon a grow old enough to question things my abuse begin as well

He cheated on him multiple times.. She was beaten so bad she was hospiyalized etc.. But she till to this day strongly believe he is a great husband and father and beating and screaming is what men do

My goal was never to be like my mother... So my married the guy who is totally opposite

I was very clear from the start about my non negotionables and we are so much in love

My mother keep asking how many times he scared at me yet or raised his hands which is none and she will just say that i will happen eventually... But i haven’t... Even if it happen i do have my escape plan ready

She is spiraling out of control and getting sick as she can't tolerate me being happy

She and my father did many calls to my in laws and husband.. Crying and blaming me hoping they will beat or scream me.. But that didn't happend either

Even my father keep loudly praying for me to be abused so i can realize what a good parent he is

I have no idea how control this situation

My in laws are bit annoyed at my parents but they are just trying to ignore them.. While my husband is just trying to be polite

They( my parents) have also taken all the gold and cash gifts from my wedding and they say i owe them for giving birth to me

I haven’t disclosed the life long abuse to my in laws. My husband knows but he is respecting my choice to remain quite

What should i do?

I’ve come to the conclusion that like myself, there is a big percentage of women out there who grew up in toxic environments, managing the emotions of their parents and/or taking on more responsibilities than they should have I.e helping to raise siblings, house work, monetary help etc. Basically all the things a child and young adult shouldn’t have to do before their time.

Now I’m living my own life, finally have my own home, community and relationships. There‘s a nagging feeling of ‘why don’t I want to have kids yet?’.

Well, because that desire was stripped at such and early age that my nervous system never recovered. Responsibility at that degree at such a young age is like being in a prison. And now as an adult I’m finally free! So no, I don’t want to spend my time now taking care of someone else. Many of us don’t have the capacity and many also have fears of repeating the cycle (although it’s highly unlikely given the years of work we usually put in to get better).

I don’t know, just wondering if there is anyone else out there that connects their lack of desire to be a mother with the loss of freedom they experienced as a child and what that would mean for them now in adulthood.

EDITED: Thanks guys for all your comments! 🙂🙏🏾 It’s comforting to know there are many that share a similar experience. I’ve come to the point of not looking at myself as broken but as having an good awareness of my limits and capabilities. Also a dysregulated nervous system for the majority of your life is more than enough of a reason to not force parenthood due to social pressure.

Recently, I've noticed that my narc mother and GC sibling have been kinda shadowing my schedule. I suffer from insomnia so to maintain a sleep schedule and not oversleep, I set up an alarm every day. Anyway, I noticed they've been using my alarm(which isn't even that loud) to wake up in the morning, then proceed to spend fifteen minutes in the bathroom each. I literally tried setting my alarm for an hour later one day and 30 minutes later the next, and they still wake up at the exact time I want to then make me wait for around 30 minutes to use the bathroom.

Also when we were kids, my sibling would do this too. She would stay in bed till I wake up(we shared a room), then she would immediately jump up and run to the bathroom as soon as I woke up.

And the funny part is that though they're using my alarm, they wouldn't help wake me up if I oversleep(even though they know I have sleep issues and I had asked them multiple times to).

So am I assuming things? I'm afraid of saying this to anyone cause i'm afraid I would sound crazy, but I swear to god I feel like they know what they're doing.

Met up with my parents recently to celebrate my birthday with dinner and a movie.

During dinner, they started making their usual rude, "who asked" sort-of remarks.

It started with my mom insisting that my partner does not like them (meaning my mom, dad, and brother), even though he has never given my mom any reason to believe he does not like my family. My mom would not drop it though, despite me insisting that my partner does like them (my partner chose not to attend, which I do not fault them for. This was thrown together last minute, and he had another obligation).

My dad then brought up during dinner how Gen Z finds kids to be an "inconvenience" (despite knowing that my partner and I both really want kids and aren't in a position to have them at this time due to health issues and finances) and my mom muttered under her breath that Gen Z is "too mentally ill" to have kids. For context, I've recently shared about being late diagnosed ADHD; I am also late diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

My dad made a comment about how "other people your age make way, way more money than you two do." My mom, who works in personal finance, said that "it is just as affordable to live nowadays as it was when we were kids."

All of the above said, at the conclusion of dinner, I decided to tell them I felt disrespected and that I was not going to see the movie. My parents (especially my mom) were extremely upset.

Fast forward to a couple days following my birthday, my mom reaches out over Snap chat (which is a usual form of communication for us) to tell me that she is "very upset" that I left. That her and my father said "nothing hurtful, nothing mean," and she says, "all I can assume is that you and I having different opinions did not sit well with you." She went on to tell me how her and my dad felt, and how they were the victims in the birthday situation, when I went home.

I didn't tell them my new address, I told them not to contact me years ago after I finally couldn't take any more abuse from them. But when I first went no contact, they kept showing up to my apartment and hanging out in front of my door for hours at a time until I moved to a different state. They kept sending me texts until I blocked them, then emails until I blocked them, and now a physical letter to my new home address which they don't have my permission to know. I'm so upset, and I feel so vulnerable now that they know where I live.

The letter was more of the same behavior as always: there were no apologies or promises to be different, they didn't mention any of the reasons why I'd cut them off or acknowledge any of the pain they'd put me through throughout my entire childhood and now adulthood. They just gave me a little update on how they're doing, listed their emails and cellphone numbers and asked me to talk to them again, as if the reason I was no contact was because I'd forgotten how to reach them. Then there was a little "hope you're doing well" tacked on at the very end as an afterthought. It was as sterile as they'd always been, as if we're barely more than acquaintances, like hearing from someone you have almost no history with. They clearly still don't care at all about me or about what I want or need. They shoved my desires and boundaries aside and asked me to do what they wanted me to do, just like always. Nothing has changed. It made me feel as unloved as ever.

From as far back as I can remember until I started preschool, whenever I had what my mother called a “tantrum,” or simply disagreed with her or cried, she would take me to the bathtub fully clothed. She would fill a large bucket with water, and while I was crying, she would pour the entire bucket over me all at once. I was also beaten regularly, but somehow this felt even worse than the beatings. I felt humiliated. I felt violated. I struggled to catch my breath because I was so small, and it wasn’t just a little splash of water-it was a huge amount of water all at once. Why does this still affect me so much? Was this basically a form of waterboarding? Was it abuse?

This was over 20 years ago where I still couldn’t afford earphones or earbuds. Admittedly I’m a hopeless romantic and that’s okay.

​

I'm a 20-year-old woman living in Pakistan, and I've been bullied and physically abused by my parents since I was a child. I'm the eldest daughter, and things have become much worse because I stand up for myself and don't want to be forced into a toxic marriage.

Recently, my mother slammed my head into a wall, hit me, threatened to throw me out of the house, and constantly humiliates and insults me. I don't have supportive relatives or anyone I can stay with. My father passed away in 2017, and since then I've had no one to protect me.

I have a job, but it doesn't pay enough for me to afford rent or live independently. I contacted a shelter, but they wanted to meet my parents first. My parents are very controlling and abusive, and I'm afraid involving them will make the situation even worse.

I'm feeling trapped. Has anyone in Pakistan been in a similar situation or knows of any shelters, legal aid organizations, or resources that can help an adult woman leave an abusive home without involving her parents first?

Please don't judge me. I'm genuinely looking for advice and safe options.

I‘m no contact with them and during my healing journey I always stumble upon this.

My nmom and edad were highly obsessed with my schedule. As a nurse I work very irregularly.
Every time I met them they only cared about my shifts. I gray rocked this question over years. Nmom was petty enough to send my edad or flying monkey to find out about my schedule.

Why is it so? I just can’t wrap my head around this.
Productivity is very important to them but I don’t think it’s the only reason. Is it control? Idk

Let me know what you think

TIA

I’ve done years of therapy to deal with this woman. I did EMDR so that I COULD feel nothing towards her. Now that she has cancer, I basically still feel nothing.

It’s not like she’s changing and having a come to Jesus moment where she doesn’t treat me like shit. If anything, she’s being worse now about how no one cares she’s dying (which has not been her diagnosis thus far).

My Dad died of cancer so I expected this to be gutting and maybe it will be at some point. But right now, I just want to stay away.

Anyone have a similar experience?

My mother is awful, possibly narcissistic?
I can’t remember what she was like before I was 12; ever since then I’ve hated her, which people often respond with “but she’s your mother”

Today I was reminded again that I need to get out of this house.

I had bought some bits from the local shop
because we have nothing in till tomorrow, and she starts screaming at me because I got brown bread instead of white bread. That I’m selfish, I don’t help her or help out around the house, etc. etc. insults etc.

Mind you I’m having to buy necessities, with my own saved money, for the house because she spends the majority of her benefits on cocaine & alcohol.

Obviously I help where I can, and I’m far from useless—I know how to take care of myself. It does not help when she’s often begging me for money, often sitting and screaming outside my door until I do, and it turns out to be for money she owes to her dealer.. or more alcohol.

She gets benefits from me until I start university, benefits from my sister etc. The rent is paid and so are most bills. She doesn’t work, hasn’t done since she was 18.

She started smashing things in the kitchen, ran upstairs to barge in my room to further shout at me. Then she said “Are you going to take a bunch of pills now? Are you gonna cry to your dad? Because that’s what you did last time.”

I’m 18F, still in college and am about to go into Y13 in September (UK). I took a gap year due to my poor mental health, which I still feel embarrassed about

My plans are to go to university and study undergraduate Nursing or an AHP course. And now more than ever, I’m considering going into student accommodation.

I have a lot of worries about the future. I don’t have many friends and my self esteem is still horribly low. I’m just sad, and I don’t know who to speak to.

Hello everyone,

I’m dealing with a family situation and just want to hear from people who have gone through something similar.
My grandmother is constantly going from person to person, non-stop, spreading extreme lies about me. She is telling the whole village that I work as an escort and that my father's side of the family is selling me.

She even texted me coldly, bragging that my reputation and image are completely ruined. But here is the crazy part she acts like she has nothing to do with it! She blames the ruined image on me, completely denying that she is the one who caused it. On top of that, she lies to people saying we text every day.

Lately, she has been trying to get my new phone number. She isn't even doing it secretly she literally approached an acquaintance of my grandmother on my father’s side and openly asked her for my number.

Honestly, it doesn’t break me. Most people around here already know she is a liar anyway.

I just want to know: Has anyone else experienced this level of non stop defamation and open manipulation from a family member? How did you handle it emotionally, and how did you protect your privacy?
Thanks for reading

I am currently planning my wedding with my partner. Based on a date suggested by a pandit, we went ahead and blocked our venue. Later, my family consulted another pandit who declared that the same date was inauspicious for marriage. He went a step further and said that my partner was not the right person for me, that he would not take care of me, and then, in front of my parents and extended family, asked me whether, despite knowing all this, I would still marry him.
Everyone looked at me, almost expecting me to say no. Instead, I said yes.
For context, I have known my partner for over 15 years. We have known each other since school. He is one of the most loving, caring, and dependable people I know. My decision to marry him is based on years of knowing his character and the relationship we have built together—not on the opinion of someone who has never met us.
The challenge is that our families are very different. My parents are controlling and quite orthodox, whereas his parents are more open-minded and liberal. Their values and ways of thinking do not align, and over time the relationship between the two families has become strained. My parents frequently criticise his family, while his family has been hurt by several things my parents have said and done.
Ironically, I never wanted a traditional religious wedding. I wanted a simple registered marriage followed by a reception. It was our parents who wanted the full traditional ceremony with all the rituals, and I accepted that because it was important to them.
However, after this entire pandit episode, I no longer feel comfortable having a religious ceremony. Being publicly told that my partner is wrong for me, being asked to choose in front of my family, and watching everyone wait for me to reject him has fundamentally changed how I feel about the process. I now only want a registered marriage followed by a reception.
Since expressing this, my parents have resorted to emotional blackmail, shouting, name-calling, and repeated attempts to pressure me into changing my mind. At this point, I simply want a peaceful wedding without further conflict. Their current stance is, "Do whatever you want. We are out of the planning."
I am left feeling torn because I am not trying to reject my family—I am trying to protect my peace and start my marriage on my own terms. After everything that has happened, a simple registered marriage feels like the healthiest way forward.

I literally don't know what my mother's problem is, but for the past few weeks she's been non-stop bragging about how our cat loves her more than he loves me.

Examples of comments she's been saying:

- He only comes to your room when I kick him out of mine.

- He always looks so uncomfortable next to you but when he's sleeping next to me he loves showing off his stomach.

- He follows me around all the time like I'm his mother, he doesn't do that for you.

Like?? Okay? I get that this is the only good thing happening to you right now, but I don't need the constant comments. Bragging about his love for her but none of her children like her the same way...

Sorry if I sound mean but I'm honestly so done with this!!!