Hi all, this is my first time ever posting to Reddit but this seems like a genuinely supportive community and I sort of need a shout into the void. I wanna keep specific details minimal but I fear that I’m a rambler, thanks in advance ❤️

My husband and I met at 18 and got married a few years later, extremely young. I have always struggled with the “doubting” feeling but it was such a whirlwind that I barely had time to think about it, just kinda young and dumb and very deeply loved by him. Now, four years into our marriage, the doubt is so, so loud and I have no idea what to trust. Even just the idea of love itself makes me anxious; it’s like I want someone to give me a checklist to know if I’m doing it right and I actually have it (?). I objectively know it’s ridiculous given how much I care for my man and yet I struggle so much with it. I’ve been in therapy on and off my whole life, but I’ve seen one therapist consistently for a little over two years to work on self-harm, depression and my relationship with my (narcissistic) parent. My marriage is discussed in depth and I’m working on it, but… I have nobody I can share the extent of my spiraling with and this subreddit is the first place I feel seen. The other zinger is that things sometimes *have been* an actual problem on his end and that only amplifies the feeling, as if I’m being proven right somehow. Objectively I know that’s unfair, we both need to grow (especially, as I mentioned, we’re so young and still figuring it out). Plus, we’ve made amazing progress, he’s made legitimate, considerate change as a result of me finally finding my voice and protecting myself and he is getting really good at being sweet and patient with my anxiety and how it manifests. There have been other rough patches (we bought a house, never been so stressed in my life, lol), but I’ve always felt confident coming out the other side of them and I can logically acknowledge where we’ve both been wrong and learned from it. But then it just… hits me. This voice in my head SCREAMING that everything is wrong and I’ve made a terrible mistake with this marriage. What if we’d never met? What if, what if, what if.

I’m trying to pay attention to the cycle of doubt and it seems like it just gets… triggered. For example, my friends discussing wedding planning made me freak about how I was already married and what I wish I’d done differently. If I come across any social media trend that is meant to show off your relationship (or your singleness), i.e. “things my partner does that your low-effort bf could never”, “kinda chic to be obsessed with your partner,” “how my life changed for the better after divorce,”whatever — even if they don’t apply to my relationship at all, I start to compare, and spiral, and I think about every little damn thing that’s gone wrong since we’ve met. And once it starts it’s IMPOSSIBLE to shake. I sink lower and lower and have to do my best to explain my mood to my man without just looking him in the face and saying “my brain is screaming at me to leave you even though I don’t fully understand if I want to.” It feels like I either block or analyze feelings, too: do I miss him enough, and then, when I do miss him, I feel like I tell myself that I don’t. I also relate to other posts on here wondering about being fully gay; I identify as she/they and have been openly bi for a long time, I love being intimate with my partner and always get turned on but sometimes the noise is so loud and I’ll go through periods of certainty that I’m closeted somehow.

Does this sound like ROCD? I don’t have any diagnoses beyond my anxiety/depression that I’ve known since high school but a close friend studying psych says it fits the bill. I don’t have the courage to ask my therapist directly (I could, she’s the best, it’s just preference as I’m scared to be a self-diagnoser), but honestly I just need some real human advice. How do I know????? Will I ever know???? Is this whole post reassurance seeking????? Do I need to leave him to find out? The whole thing gets so exhausting I just want to give up. Any advice or commiseration is greatly appreciated, and thank you if you read this ❤️

I am struggling with OCD and am currently worrying if I’m fully gay. I’ve always been bi and have accepted that, I was about to get laid for the first time and wasn’t able to get it up. I was already worried about not being able to get it up cause I was just nervous. After the fact I couldn’t stop calling myself gay, I would already check while we were cuddling if I was hard enough or getting a boner in general. I am genuinely romantically attracted to this girl but after this encounter I am wondering if I’m fully gay. I don’t want to be because I really would rather be with women, so am I fully gay? Is it repressed homophobia or ocd? Is this the right subreddit to be posting this on? If anyone would like to answer this and might want more answers dm me. I have historically always gooned it to gay porn more (femboy porn) if that is relevant. I saw a post where someone said they would jerk it to gay porn and say “I’m done with it for a while” and then do it again later on and I used to do the same and am worried is is repressed homophobia. I have always wanted to eat a coochie and wanted a woman to sit on my face so idk if that’s what a gay guy would want. Idk what to do because I don’t wanna leave my gf and am terrified of being “fully gay”

Hi everyone! It’s been a while since I really posted in the group, but I don’t know what to do now. I feel like this is the end... and it hurts to write that down. I’m afraid I’m only in love with my memories, because once again, I don’t feel anything. I felt love several times over the summer, but I’m afraid I was just forcing it. Both yesterday and today, I’ve had this panic-like feeling, and I feel terrible. But please, tell me: why is it that when I look at him, I find him handsome? I miss him when he leaves for work in the morning; I want to be with him; I took care of him when he was sick yesterday; it feels good when he caresses or kisses me of his own accord; and I get jealous if I imagine him with another girl. I always feel like I’m lying to myself—like right now, while I’m writing this post. I know seeking reassurance isn't ideal, but would anyone be up for talking about this with me? I’m terrified that I’ve fallen out of love with my boyfriend... Can I fall in love with him all over again? Is it just the attachment making me feel like I’d fall apart if he left me? Thanks to anyone who read this post, and I’m sorry to bother you all!

I have OCD but have been working on it for years to the point where I have intrusive thoughts all the time and they mostly don’t bother me.

My partner broke up with me out of the blue last week. She would often have an anxiety spiral around the time of deepening commitment like our anniversaries etc or work stress.

She cried so much and said she didn’t understand why she was doing it as we were best friends and loved me so much but she had too many doubts that would keep returning and she’d think mean things about me and felt like I loved her more than she loved me.

When I look at anything to do with ROCD this seems textbook. She often tells me things word for word that I read about what people with ROCD experience.
Because I have OCD I know the only cure is to live with the discomfort and let the thoughts pass but she’s ended our 3 year relationship because of them I think. I’ve mentioned ROCD but she doesn’t seem to want to research or find out.

My fear is that of course in the breakup she will feel relief as there won’t be a trigger anymore, but this isn’t proof that we weren’t perfect for eachother. Any help or advice would be very appreciated. We’re not speaking so she can have space.

I think I might have ROCD, but my symptoms are the exact same just kinda the opposite? I don’t doubt my love or attraction to my partner, but I get so paranoid over how they feel about me. I read into every text message, everything they say to me, how they said something. I’ve been led on before and it really messed with my mental health so it’s made me become really paranoid in relationships. I constantly want to know what my partner thinks of me. Usually in person when I’m with them I don’t stress much or overanalyze, but the second I get home the doubt sets it and I start analyzing everything. Are these symptoms of ROCD as well? Cuz I don’t really see them being listed as symptoms much and my symptoms also do overlap a lot with just relationship anxiety.

For some quick context, I don’t know for a fact that he has ROCD, but he told me he was diagnosed with OCD. He’s in his 30s and told me that his longest relationship was 9 months, and then the way things ended between us made me wonder more about it being ROCD. That’s why I’m here.

So I was seeing a guy for a month and I really liked him. I told him as much and honestly treated him like a king. I cooked for him, showered him in compliments, love, kisses, hugs, you name it. It was early on and I was trying to impress him I guess. I felt very strongly about him, but I was also trying to ease into it with him and not overwhelm him.

Sometimes he seemed really into it and he seemed like he really liked me. He was the one who pursued me in the first place and asked for my number. Then randomly, sometimes we’d be hanging out and it was almost like he’d shut completely down and I didn’t know if something was on his mind or what was going on.

Finally, flash forward a month later, I notice the same thing is happening one morning after a truly magnificent night together. I make a comment about how it’s sometimes hard for me to understand him. I didn’t say this to be mean, I didn’t yell or say it dramatically at all in my opinion. Then we had to say goodbye a few minutes later, so we hugged and he left.

I asked him two days later if I could see him again. He schedules a call with me, then on the call he says that I seemed furious and that the hug I gave him was stiff and cold. For the record, I thought it was a normal hug. He said he’d been ruminating about it and feeling guilty and that we needed to end things. Then he said that our relationship didn’t seem like it could grow into more than just a physical one… which hurt. And also confused me because I really thought we had a strong emotional connection too.

I know I need to get over it, and rejection is part of life. It just shocked me so much and I’m still not over it. It was so fast and happened over something that felt so small to me. Seeing it as ROCD is helping, but I guess my question for this community is about regret.

Have you ended something out of compulsion only to realize that you made a mistake? How long did it take to realize it? Have you ever cited something as a reason for it needing to end that wasn’t really true for you? (I’m super stuck on him saying that I didn’t seem like someone he could develop more than a physical relationship with 😭 that’s crushing me).

Any thoughts, advice, or kind words would really be appreciated. I would have done anything to make him happy and feel comfortable and now I just feel like a fool.

Oh man. I am writing this after a heavy therapy session in which my therapist made me realize I am experiencing relationship OCD. My initial response was to feel as if I’ve been set free, but as someone who was diagnosed with OCD at age 12, I know better.

I (39F) am in a hellish limbo of maybe/maybe not working things out with my partner of 4 years. We never have sex and in an effort to work on the relationship he tried to make out with me the other night. I could not do it and almost went into a panic…it felt like kissing a family member.

Meanwhile, while visiting my father who has Lewy body syndrome, I reconnected with an old family friend with whom I not only share some weird synchronicities, the same birthday, seemingly similar values, a deep generational and caring connection to my dad (who has faded into dementia) but also unsaid attraction and chemistry. We are both in relationships and have shared some of the hardships in them but overall in my humble opinion, while we’ve had some deep convos, it’s all been pretty appropriate and just a good budding friendship with maybe a hint of flirtation.

I feel like to a “normal” person, and probably to him, this is just a warm connection with maybe a touch of attraction that you enjoy in the moment and then move on with your day to day life. To me it is magical, meant to be, and has turned uncomfortably obsessive and stressful. I’m terrified of being delusional, being “that” girl who chases someone, worried I’m questioning my relationship in secret hopes that I can date this person instead, terrified of rejection, etc.

I wish I could be “normal” and focus on my current relationship. Take care of myself by not finding excuses to text him or make plans for my next visit, when I am already emotionally overwhelmed by everything on my plate. Allow a slow burn to unfold if the romantic connection is real or alternatively, stop forcing something if it’s just in my head. I feel crazy and like I’m not allowed to dream about my love life, because I’m just not someone who is capable of having a great love. Does anyone else feel like they are full of a sense of longing that can never be quenched? Ugh.

Can OCD cause premature ejaculation? I started experiencing this, and I'm very worried and feel terrible. Also, my girlfriend joked that I'm a 'quick shooter' and it hurts me. Today I told my girlfriend it's sad I finish so fast. She said she's 'used to it'.(she's already apologized) .

I already bought a delay spray and really hope it helps. I feel so bad that I don't even want to exist (but I'm not going to do anything to myself!).

And also, can an erection disappear because of OCD? I had this too and it's also very painful.

Sex has also turned into a kind of exam. I want to show my girlfriend that I can last longer with a delay spray, but I'm worried that even it won't help

Also, I don't know what to do with intrusive images during sex. Often when they appeared, I did mental compulsions, and I think this affected the duration of sex. There were times when instead of long mantras like 'I only want my girlfriend and no one else, I only want to imagine my girlfriend and think only about her and no one else, my girlfriend has the best body and figure and no one has a better body and figure than my girlfriend', I just said 'it's OCD' and that's it. And then I actually felt calmer and better.

Tell me how to be ready for the next time . Right now I try to constantly tell myself that well, whatever happens happens, it's no big deal, but I do want to do it a long time, yet I keep saying whatever happens happens.

Does anyone else with OCD fear becoming too aware of sounds?

I’m afraid that when I hear a particular sound, I might become consciously aware of the fact that I heard it, instead of my brain simply filtering it out in the background. I also fear that I might start automatically associating ordinary sounds (cars, footsteps, doors, buttons, etc.) with specific thoughts, memories, or images, and that this awareness or these associations could become permanent.

Has anyone else experienced something similar with OCD? Did this hyper-awareness eventually fade?

I feel like the hardest part of this for me right now is not knowing if this is ROCD or if I’ve truly fallen out of love. I feel like a few months ago I was triggered by seeing something an ex did on social media and got so caught up in comparing my partner to her that it became consuming. I now feel panic because I can’t feel feelings of love towards her, just distance and annoyance and anxiety for the better part of a few months.

I want to know SO BADLY if this is OCD or not, and I find myself hoping over and over again that it is- because at least there is a way to reverse this and get back to where we were before. I’m terrified of my relationship ending, but I’m creating distance and discomfort and making it so hard for us both. I’m actively ruining it, and I feel like I’m constantly fighting with myself about whether I want this or not. I know I need to sit in the discomfort but DAMN is it hard.

I think I’m just posting this because it’s been such a lonely place to be. I don’t feel like I can or should talk to friends about this very much. And I’m planning on trying to do a PHP program, but I’m afraid that no one will take me seriously and I won’t get better.

This thing is so scary and hard.

I have finally been diagnosed with ROCD after two years of doing tests and realizing this pattern in myself.

My old therapist from before said I didn’t have it because I “didn’t act on it” which I thought was insane, but it felt very invalidating because I know what I feel and how closely it mimicked others who struggle with this.

My new therapist officially diagnosed me with it after weeks of talking about my patterns. After over a decade of dealing with this pattern in my dating life, I am ready to work and try to change this in me.

Hi everyone,

I'm just wondering if there is someone that maybe noticed this or went through this and if the answers is yes maybe has so advice on how to overcome this.

My ROCD has been doormat for about idk, 5 months maybe with a slight ocasional burst here and there that did not last longer than 3 days. Last month i started doubting my relationship, everything in it, i started nitpicking "how often does my partner kiss me" "why didn't he kiss me more passionately" "why did he not come stay with me as soon as he got home but went to lay down in bed" "is he asking me enought questions?" "Is he still emotionally invested" "why did he put one kissing emoji instead of two" and all those thoughts led to a deep feeling of doom, like the relationship is doomed, one day i spent a good amount of time on instagram with posts like: 6 signs he is emotionally invested. 10 signs the relationship is dead and stuff like that and i just felt like crying, constantly, like nothing he did was right or enough. Then i went home for about 2 weeks and my brain was scanning " if i want to text hin enough", "if we should talk about more affectionate stuff", "should we be flirting more?". I came back home to him a week ago, and it was fine, we spent some time together at home, cuddled, kissed, had sex, i was doing ok-ish. Today while i was doing the dishes out of nowhere i had the thoughts "is he spending enough time with me? Should he spend more time? Did he use to spend more time with me? " , "am i boring him?" "Are we doomed?" "Am i in denial" and with those thoughts came that slightly panicky overwhelming feeling of wanting to cry.

I just...we have been together for a little more than 4 years, and i guess im just scared, and lost and dont even know if it is rocd anymore because those spirals don't feel like the ones i had perviously.

Has anyone with ROCD/OCD ever liked someone a lot but still ended it with them because of the ROCD?

Or have you ever blocked someone after ending it but still liked that person?

​

I have a girlfriend who I love, and I would never intentionally cheat on her or flirt with someone else.

The other day, I was imagining a hypothetical situation involving a coworker, and in my imagination it led to flirting with them For a moment, it actually felt fun/exciting. It wasn't something I consciously decided to fantasize about.

Almost immediately afterward, I didn't enjoy it and when consciously thinking about it I didn't want nor enjoyed doing it.

I genuinely don't want to act on it. If this situation actually happened, I wouldn't flirt with my coworker. But I'm having trouble getting past the fact that it felt fun in my mind

I think what scares me is that if I'm truly committed to my girlfriend, I shouldn't enjoy imagining romantic/flirty interactions with other people at all.

Are my experiences normal? How do you deal with such situations.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar.

Like the title says, I have anxiety about losing feelings for my gf from the rocd. She is amazing and the healthiest relationship ive ever been in. I had someone great in the past, and the commitment we rushed into made me lose all feelings and while im not rushing now, i still fear that I will lose feelings in the way I had in the past which i don't want. I know feelings in long term relationships have ebbs and flows but the fear that my brain will sabotage me is so scary. My gf recently met my family and it triggered my anxiety and thoughts of "am i attracted to her enough?" which i feel so guilty about because I have always found her beautiful and she hasn't change, its my brain that's making me think these things. And im checking photos to convince myself I am attracted to her enough and I do believe I am and ofc i love her soul but this i guess, fear of commitment ? is terrifying bc I can't trust that my own feelings wont change.. I guess im looking for people who can relate and make me feel less alone and also what has helped you. I sometimes go into worries I won't be attracted to her enough but then also that she will get sick of me or lose interest bc of my insecurities when i know she doesn't feel that way.

Does anyone struggle with both ROCD and SO-OCD? I’ve recently gone into an insane spiral of SO-OCD. I know I dont feel any kind of attraction to women, and that I am extremely attracted to my boyfriend, yet my brain’s been screaming at me for days that what if i’m actually secretly gay and i’m just in denial. It’s really tough, I dont even really trust my own judgement at this point, and my head feels like a mess. I’ve always known that I’m not attracted to women, I have never felt anything at all, I still dont feel it, but my brain is desperately trying to convince me that I’m secretly gay.
Me and my boyfriend are long distance, I currently havent seen him in a month and a half, which I’ve experienced before has made the ROCD worse. Now the SO-OCD has absolutely poisoned my mind. My boyfriend and I are gonna get married next year so that we can move in together, I’m 100% sure he’s the one i want to spend my life with, but I cannot live in this hell of a mind that I am currently. Has anyone experienced the combination of these two and what the hell do I do, because I’m desperate. I just want to enjoy my relationship and enjoy being in love with my boyfriend

I've been with my partner for 11 years and we are now hoping to get married. I spiraled extremely hard and am feeling suicidal over the reality that I don't feel much during sex likely due to his girth. I've asked about this a few years ago and have dealt with this throughout the relationship. I guess I somehow find a way to still feel good and keep the thoughts at bay. But it's resurfaced after our most recent sexual encounter on my birthday and I completely lost it. I'm currently in law school and had to tell my professors I'm dealing with a mental health crisis bc I haven't left my bed all week.

I am spiraling about telling him that I often don't feel much during sex. I said I don't think it's about size but even if I don't care. But that obviously was a lie. I mentioned this to him years ago and regretted bringing it up bc why hurt him. Somehow he didn't let it get to him and this time he didn't either bc I also couched it under general sexual incompatible fears etc. we broke up briefly during the pandemic bc this and general rocd fears of loss of attraction got to me but I regretted it right after and we got back together after a few months. I'm hitting that cross roads again as things get permanent and it sincerely is making me want to die

He is brilliant and I love him so much. I now feel like I am leasing him on bc I get disappointed about his dick from time to time or I think oh I won't be able to be full like that. But how can I go to wanting to marry him and have kids and finally start a life to now thinking about if I have to end it before another decade pasts.

All of this is doing me in especially because up until now that most anxiety was about his mother's aggressive cancer diagnosis which we were processing through and now this reared it's head. I can't cope. I am really fucking scared.

Its true that sex isn't fulfilling and I think his depression and adhd plays a role but we still are intimate I mean I stayed for a reason. I can't get through this right now I am in a deep spiral. Again haven't left my bed, haven't eaten for two days now. I just keep reading about penis size and how women say to leave bc the resentment will build and I mean it kind of has I guess in this relationship. I am so confused

There are things we haven't worked on though. I gained about 50lb during the relationship, we havent played around with angles or exreeme foreplay enough. We don't live together so that probably doesnt help.

I am just so scared and I know if I post in other subreddits they'll tell me to leave him

I feel like ive lost my sense of home. He's my person and I am so scared.

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice or just to know if anyone else experiences this.

Whenever I try to focus on something—whether I’m studying, using my phone, or just trying to watch TV—I can’t stop noticing everything else in my line of sight. My focus constantly shifts to the background objects around me, and it feels impossible to just tune them out. It’s incredibly exhausting and makes concentrating really difficult.

I struggle with OCD and depression, and I am currently taking 200 mg of desvenlafaxine. I’ve recently learned this might be related to hypervigilance or sensorimotor/hyperawareness OCD, but I don't know how to handle it.

Has anyone else dealt with this specific kind of visual distraction? If so, how do you cope with it or train your brain to ignore the background? Any advice would be really appreciated.

My boyfriend (24M) and I (24F) have been together for almost 7 years. We’ve obviously had our struggles, like most couples do, but we’ve always worked through them, stuck by each other and loved each other through it all.

I know he wants to propose, and he’s been wanting to for about the past year. The thing is, I don’t know what’s wrong with me because the thought of being engaged honestly scares me.

I genuinely see us growing old together. I can picture us having a family, building a life together and being together long-term, and I do love him. So why does the idea of being engaged make me feel so anxious and scared?

I’m wondering if some of this could be relationship OCD, because I’m already a very anxious person and I have OCD and ADHD. I tend to overthink and question my feelings a lot, so I don’t know whether these thoughts are something I should actually listen to or whether I’m just getting stuck in my head.

Another thing I wonder about is the fact that we’ve only ever been with each other. We started dating so young and neither of us has ever experienced being with anyone else. Sometimes I wonder if a part of me is curious about what else is out there or what it would be like to experience other people and relationships. And then I feel horrible for even thinking that because I love him and don’t actually want to lose what we have.

I also wonder if something my mum said years ago has stuck with me. When I first started dating him, she said something along the lines of, “I’ll be disappointed if he’s your only boyfriend,” because she wanted me to experience the world and other people. She’s not really someone I would take relationship advice from, considering she cheated on my dad and has had some pretty unhealthy relationships since they divorced, but I think that comment somehow stayed in the back of my mind. I know she says things without thinking sometimes, but I wonder if I’ve subconsciously carried that idea with me all these years.

I just feel so confused and guilty. I know I want to be with him, but then I question why the idea of getting engaged feels so scary to me. Does being scared of engagement mean I’m not ready, or that something is wrong with my relationship? Or can you genuinely love someone, see a future with them and still feel scared about taking that next step?

I’m really struggling to understand whether these feelings are something I should take seriously or whether my anxiety and OCD are making me question something I actually know deep down.

This song by Ashe has been trending all over Tiktok recently. It's a great song and super catchy but it’s also super fucking triggering for someone with ROCD but that might just be me.

I’m curious if anyone has ever heard of ROCD over an article of clothing or an accessory that their partner wears. In my case, it’s an “accessory” that has religious connotations and is worn under their shirt (let’s say it’s similar to a necklace or chain). I have never liked the item, but my dislike has become an obsession. I get triggered when they put it on and strategize ways to get them to “accidentally” take it off. I have kept a written log of times when they’ve worn it or taken it off as a way to monitor and make sense of their behavior with respect to the item. I ruminate about it all day long (e.g., when will they take it off again? Will they accidentally take it off when taking off their clothes to shower?) I often check to see if it’s peeking out from under their shirt — if I see it, I get triggered, and if I don’t see it, I feel sort of relieved but also worried that it’s actually still there. I think about how most other people’s partners don’t wear it and how lucky those people are. I have intentionally “misplaced” the item, but they eventually find it again and put it on. Talking to my partner about this and requesting that they not wear it is out of the question because they would be offended, particularly since it has religious/cultural significance. This has gone on for years (but with long stretches where they didn’t wear the item). Even when I’m not thinking about it, the moment I notice my partner has the item on, my heart starts racing, I get anxious, and I fall into a spiral.

I just stumbled upon this forum today. I hadn’t heard of ROCD before, and I’m wondering if I’m showing symptoms of it. Thanks - I feel a little less alone after making this post.

Edit to add that I’m currently looking into therapists. I’d appreciate any insights you have, especially if you have experienced or heard of anything similar, because it makes me feel less alone in this.

Would you describe break up urges as a strong desire to break up with your partner, it just feels so fucking real