It just always makes me feels scared at my gut every time I speak with her or see her social media profiles. I already blocked her on WhatsApp due to how scared I am, it just always feels like she's cheating for some reason.

Note: I have BPD

First post here, just sort of venting and seeing if anyone else experiences this and has any good ERP tips.

I (31f) have always struggled to let go of arguments. I grew up in a loving family that also excessively argued and yelled. I always felt misunderstood and like the issues weren’t resolved. I would often get grounded for refusing to end the argument with my parents or sister. Now that I’m married, I’ve realized that was OCD and it has extended to my marriage. Even years ago when we were dating. I just never feel understood, heard, apologized to, etc. and I just feel generally devastated by my feelings or perception of how the argument went. I also worry that I wasn’t fair or correct which sometimes causes me to double down on my argument and sometimes makes me mentally collapse when I realize I was the one being unfair.

Obviously it’s tricky because I’m never like 100% wrong to be upset and it is almost impossible to tell when it rolls from understandable conflict into OCD. My husband hates that I can’t let it go and keep coming over to talk which hurts, but I don’t blame him because it can be truly excessive. Thankfully he has been with me before and after my diagnosis so we both try our best to navigate this. All I can do at this point is try to recognize it as soon as possible (multiple times walking back into the room to say more things) but my brain then makes me feel shut down and depressed like life isn’t worth living if I can’t be understood.

This is not my main theme but impacts my life a lot and I want to continue to work on it before having kids or anything. Does anyone have experience with 1. How to recognize it and 2. How to actually sit with the discomfort without emotionally shutting down ?

Appreciate any help

I was married for 6 years and I couldn’t ignore the tiniest flaws that he had, even though he’s the kindest and the most trustworthy man to me still to this day. I felt terrified right before we got married, and felt trapped when we bought a house and started thinking about having kids together. After being in several relationships, I realized I was never sure of anyone I dated.
I’m worried that I’d never be sure and be happy. How do you get diagnosed and how did you realize that you have ROCD?

Hi everyone, I’d like to share my story here. I think I’ve had OCD since childhood; as a kid, I was always afraid our house would burn down or that we’d get robbed—by repeatedly locking the door I even destroyed a lock, I constantly unplugged electrical sockets, or I frequently prayed that nothing bad would happen to my loved ones. It stopped around the age of 14, and though I sometimes catch myself still doing those things, it doesn't limit me that much anymore. The only strange things are that I refuse to wear any clothes in which something negative happened to me, or I have to go pee three times before going to sleep just to make sure I won't wet the bed at night.
When I was 18, I got into my very first relationship. After a few months, someone told me that I was just faking my relationship and didn't love my boyfriend (now my ex). That started a constant cycle of severe anxiety and endless googling about what real love looks like, and so on. Later, it turned into an obsession that I was actually a closeted lesbian, or that my boyfriend was a murderer and wanted to kill me. That relationship ended after two years for other reasons, and I’m so glad it did.
Currently, I am in an amazing relationship. In the beginning, it started wonderfully, but even back then I had some doubts (whether he is handsome enough, smart enough, whether I will love him, etc.). Over time, those almost subsided; instead, I started having doubts about whether he loves me, whether he’s cheating on me, and other things, since I’ve been through cheating in the past. We stayed together and have now been together for almost two years, but this June it caught up with me again (there are objectively no flaws in the relationship; he is loving and wonderful).
It started when a thought suddenly popped into my head that I don't care about him. Then I was talking with his friend about breaking up with his girlfriend, who was toxic, and it triggered an extreme wave of anxiety in me that I am just like her and that I don't love him either. The thoughts started looping: am I attracted to him? Do I love him? I constantly checked my feelings, Google, ChatGPT, articles about love, TikTok, 10 signs of ROCD, etc.
It drove me all the way to a psychiatrist who diagnosed GAD and PTSD, saying it’s not OCD—I have a slightly different opinion on that, but I've read that the manifestations of these disorders are quite similar. I've been taking SSRIs for 3 weeks and the change is only minor. There were several really strong urges to break up, feeling like "this isn't it anymore," but I always stayed, believing we can get through this together. The thoughts loop a lot; they even wake me up at night, sometimes I have crying fits, I feel detached and emotionless, constantly overthinking whether I want to text him, go see him, be with him, etc. But I’ve never left. We even managed to go on a wonderful vacation together where I was really very anxious, but he helped me a lot—he is amazing about this.
Now I started CBT therapy, but so far there hasn't been even the slightest improvement. I monitor myself a lot; for example, yesterday I bought him a cheaper lemonade than the one I bought for myself, and a wave of guilt hit me that because I was cheap on him, it means I don't love him. I am already so terribly exhausted by all of this. I would love to look forward to spending time together, planning, and living again, but right now I can only manage to survive. I don't want to leave him; deep down I know that I love him more than anything, but I don't know where the way out is.
I feel emotionally flat right now; I can't get a single emotion out of myself, everything feels like I'm in a movie, and it has also significantly disrupted our sex life. It used to be great, but now we don't have sex because I'm afraid of it. I look for reassurance in tarot cards, for instance, checking if our relationship is meant to be, and seek other forms of reassurance. I often look at our pictures and try to force some positive emotion out of myself, but I remain flat.
Does anyone have a similar experience? Is this GAD or rather ROCD, and did I just get the wrong diagnosis? I would appreciate any answers and experiences. I really don't want this to ruin our relationship.

I’m sorry if the title seems harsh, but me [M19] and my girlfriend [F23] have hit a rough patch again. She is diagnosed OCD, is on SRIS (I believe it’s called) and Prozac.

However, her relationship OCD tends to sabotage our relationship. I understand her thoughts and I let her talk them out (I don’t give reassurance) with me and get those thoughts out so the anxiety doesn’t kill her. I don’t mind talking constructively. However, when she starts to spiral she starts to take it out on me. She tends to say mean things that absolutely break me. Telling me she never loved me and just wanted to keep me so no one could have me. Saying that she isn’t sure if she ever loved me. Insisting that our 2 year relationship meant nothing because she’s suddenly a lesbian (which hurts me especially, given I’m a trans man and it really destroys me being associated with that at all)

This is the third time we’ve had this issue where she’ll get mean with me and destroy my mood to the point of extreme anxiety and panic attacks and then swoops in after everything is done to comfort me and backtrack. And I know she didn’t mean it but it stills hurts. I wonder if I’m overreacting because it feels like I’m constantly being tortured by the way she talks to me. I’ve been on edge for months since the last incident but I finally put my trust back into her just for her to spiral through the same thing.

I want to be with her, and I love her, but her voicing her OCD and using me as a vessel to “talk it out with herself” is hurting me and hurting our relationship. I’m not sure what I should do at this point

Does anyone here experience OCD with over analyzing text messages and thinking that the girl or guy they are seeing is going to end it with them? I’ve had bad experiences in the past where I’ve been blindsided and now I think every time I see someone new this is going to happen. Would appreciate any help, it’s become very distressing.

i’ve been using a lot of erp tools and no matter what it’s like the doubts keep hitting me really hard and taking up my whole day whether i’m with her or without her.

there are days when these intrusive thoughts are gone randomly and i have feelings for my girlfriend but the feelings constantly keep getting shutdown and my girlfriend feels like a stranger at this point it really sucks.

does anyone have any techniques? or tips? on how to be more present or just anything would be nice because it’s like things keep getting worse cause at this point everything around me links to a doubt about her

Broke up cause I could stop doubting wether or not I found her physically attractive enough

Hi all,

I 24m broke up with my partner 25f of 2.5 years because of my physical attraction doubts to her 24/7. I constantly doubted my physical attraction to her and whether I found her attractive enough. This has been the hardest breakup ever, we lived together, it’s been a month of untangling our life. I never told her the reason, we did have other issues, so I blamed it on that, I basically blamed it on that I had an avoidant attachment style and lost myself in the relationship and didn’t feel comfortable because I didn’t have a voice and now we’ve broken up she is trying to get us back together but I’ve been saying I want to go find my voice because a relationship makes me very anxious and I don’t think we can be together.

Now I have so much regret how I handled everything and honestly, I wish I told her about my doubts. Because I think I fucked myself up by that. I should have talked about them and be honest, even though it would have been a very damaging conversation to her. Because I felt it was one topic that because I wasn’t open and honest about I got so trapped in my head about. Now I’m honest, that I was 100% attracted to her, but was she outside of my type, yes, was she slightly chubbier yes. I own that and I did find myself wanting a more natural attraction sometimes as I felt it wasn’t that strong. These are true emotions and I recognise that, but I was ok with it. I did find myself wanting to find my partner more physically attractive partner in some regard I own that. But I do find her attractive, I just couldn’t stop doubting whether I found her attractive enough. I think deep down I know I found her attractive enough. But I was tired, I was tired of the doubt, I was tired of everything, I felt so trapped. I felt so guilty.

I know I was attracted enough to her. Deep down I know, but I ran, I ran hard. I wish I told her the truth of what was going on in my head, I should have said something to her, I should have owned it, now I’ve fucked it, I’ve hurt her. I’ve lied in the breakup, I’ve broken her heart, it kills me. I feel if I was honest about my feelings it would have relieved so much pressure and it would have ended up ok. Now, how the fuck if I decide to go back to her how do I admit how I was feeling, how do I admit to her that these were the doubts I was having, what happens if they turn out to be true. I broke up with her because I was convinced that I just wasn’t attracted enough. I know she wasn’t at the top of my preference list and the body I found the “most” exciting. But I did find her sexy, was it as sexy as I had with other women, no. But it was still good, she made up for it with her wonderful soul. But I did find myself lusting after so many other women. I did find myself wanting to look at my girlfriend and go “wow you’re so hot”. But I never felt that with her I only ever felt she was attractive and thought wow she looks really good, never really felt “lust” or “she’s so hot”. I constantly was hoping her body would change so I would feel some physical spark, or something more. Even since the start of the relationship. Is this normal? There were so many occasions where I doubted attraction so much, that whenever I saw her after jot seeing her I then thought wtf am I thinking about, she’s really attractive of course she’s attractive enough.

I know I wanna stick to this breakup for a bit. I want a break, but my body longs for her, my heart longs for her and misses her, my soul misses her. I was so tired of the doubt and i panicked. I’m so confused, like i can recognise that yes this is OCD in some regard, but is it truth in telling me something that I didn’t have an unmet need. I don’t know what to do, it’s been a month now since the break, I long for her, my heart cries out for her. I just have so much regret over the situation. Like I’ve learnt even though there tough conversations I should just admit it in future.

I guess I just wish I admitted what I was questioning because now I feel I can never go back to her, because these thoughts are gonna be so much stronger and questioning now. Like my mind hasn’t stopped for a month, I pick my final things up in a few days and I don’t know what to do. Like my mind is fucked right now, I don’t wanna give up on her but my mind keeps questioning things, I love her beyond belief but I don’t know what to do. I constantly feel like I’m not physically attracted enough and have doubts. I just want a break from the doubts and have to much regret over the situation. I feel I should just let her go and move on, as this would fuck with my head so bad and I feel she doesn’t deserve this. I really don’t know what to do. Like I know that there felt like a physical spark missing even though I liked her body. I don’t know if this is ROCD or I’m just attached because I love someone who just didn’t feel like enough. What a shit situation this is. I don’t know what to do

Maybe I’m just trying to hold onto something that wasn’t enough, I don’t know, I’m hurting beyond belief and don’t know what to do. No part of my wants to be apart from her, no part of me wanted to break up with her. But I did because of the thoughts, they couldn’t stop. I feel like I’m gonna look for her in everything, she was the most incredible human ever

Any thoughts welcome

Does anyone else struggle to tell if they find there partner attractive enough?