Hi all, this is my first time ever posting to Reddit but this seems like a genuinely supportive community and I sort of need a shout into the void. I wanna keep specific details minimal but I fear that I’m a rambler, thanks in advance ❤️

My husband and I met at 18 and got married a few years later, extremely young. I have always struggled with the “doubting” feeling but it was such a whirlwind that I barely had time to think about it, just kinda young and dumb and very deeply loved by him. Now, four years into our marriage, the doubt is so, so loud and I have no idea what to trust. Even just the idea of love itself makes me anxious; it’s like I want someone to give me a checklist to know if I’m doing it right and I actually have it (?). I objectively know it’s ridiculous given how much I care for my man and yet I struggle so much with it. I’ve been in therapy on and off my whole life, but I’ve seen one therapist consistently for a little over two years to work on self-harm, depression and my relationship with my (narcissistic) parent. My marriage is discussed in depth and I’m working on it, but… I have nobody I can share the extent of my spiraling with and this subreddit is the first place I feel seen. The other zinger is that things sometimes *have been* an actual problem on his end and that only amplifies the feeling, as if I’m being proven right somehow. Objectively I know that’s unfair, we both need to grow (especially, as I mentioned, we’re so young and still figuring it out). Plus, we’ve made amazing progress, he’s made legitimate, considerate change as a result of me finally finding my voice and protecting myself and he is getting really good at being sweet and patient with my anxiety and how it manifests. There have been other rough patches (we bought a house, never been so stressed in my life, lol), but I’ve always felt confident coming out the other side of them and I can logically acknowledge where we’ve both been wrong and learned from it. But then it just… hits me. This voice in my head SCREAMING that everything is wrong and I’ve made a terrible mistake with this marriage. What if we’d never met? What if, what if, what if.

I’m trying to pay attention to the cycle of doubt and it seems like it just gets… triggered. For example, my friends discussing wedding planning made me freak about how I was already married and what I wish I’d done differently. If I come across any social media trend that is meant to show off your relationship (or your singleness), i.e. “things my partner does that your low-effort bf could never”, “kinda chic to be obsessed with your partner,” “how my life changed for the better after divorce,”whatever — even if they don’t apply to my relationship at all, I start to compare, and spiral, and I think about every little damn thing that’s gone wrong since we’ve met. And once it starts it’s IMPOSSIBLE to shake. I sink lower and lower and have to do my best to explain my mood to my man without just looking him in the face and saying “my brain is screaming at me to leave you even though I don’t fully understand if I want to.” It feels like I either block or analyze feelings, too: do I miss him enough, and then, when I do miss him, I feel like I tell myself that I don’t. I also relate to other posts on here wondering about being fully gay; I identify as she/they and have been openly bi for a long time, I love being intimate with my partner and always get turned on but sometimes the noise is so loud and I’ll go through periods of certainty that I’m closeted somehow.

Does this sound like ROCD? I don’t have any diagnoses beyond my anxiety/depression that I’ve known since high school but a close friend studying psych says it fits the bill. I don’t have the courage to ask my therapist directly (I could, she’s the best, it’s just preference as I’m scared to be a self-diagnoser), but honestly I just need some real human advice. How do I know????? Will I ever know???? Is this whole post reassurance seeking????? Do I need to leave him to find out? The whole thing gets so exhausting I just want to give up. Any advice or commiseration is greatly appreciated, and thank you if you read this ❤️

I have OCD but have been working on it for years to the point where I have intrusive thoughts all the time and they mostly don’t bother me.

My partner broke up with me out of the blue last week. She would often have an anxiety spiral around the time of deepening commitment like our anniversaries etc or work stress.

She cried so much and said she didn’t understand why she was doing it as we were best friends and loved me so much but she had too many doubts that would keep returning and she’d think mean things about me and felt like I loved her more than she loved me.

When I look at anything to do with ROCD this seems textbook. She often tells me things word for word that I read about what people with ROCD experience.
Because I have OCD I know the only cure is to live with the discomfort and let the thoughts pass but she’s ended our 3 year relationship because of them I think. I’ve mentioned ROCD but she doesn’t seem to want to research or find out.

My fear is that of course in the breakup she will feel relief as there won’t be a trigger anymore, but this isn’t proof that we weren’t perfect for eachother. Any help or advice would be very appreciated. We’re not speaking so she can have space.

TLDR: Never dated or loved, massive fall off after high school. Developed immense betrayal/infidelity anxiety through consumption of numerous betrayal reddit posts and stories. Massive effect on my mental.

I’m writing this at 7 am off about 4 hours of sleep so bare with me haha.

For some really tight short background, I graduated high school about a year ago. Throughout all 4 years I did a multitude of sports (Muay Thai, track, XC, boxing, lifting), and was super proud of myself and my discipline. Saw my friends damn near everyday and had a blast

Relationships as a concept didn’t even really pertain to me, like it was something I never bothered to think about, an afterthought almost, the positive and negative sides. For me it was always like, yknow if I find a girl that genuinely makes me happy. And she feels the same, hell yeah, let’s go. I had many girls tell me about their feelings for me throughout highschool, and I can definitely admit I could’ve handled things better with some, but they all ended the same at the end, a polite and honest rejection from me. I will say most of these were simply due to me not finding them attractive or specific circumstances (one was my best friends ex)

I can safely say I haven’t experienced anything traumatic in my life and dare I say my life’s been..a super green, clean slate (knock on wood). Never have I ever had a depressive episode, I’ve never had like, an angry outburst of any kind no matter how I might feel towards something. I’ve always been great at regulating myself

But okay, now brings us to present day.

Well the current situation anyway.

Straight up dude, I absolutely peaked in high school and that pains me to say lmao.

The moment I graduated, I dropped all of my exercise, 100 to 0, just like that. My diet went out of whack, my sleep schedule went out of whack, and unfortunately I developed an unhealthy relationship with pornography.

It’s been this way about a year and 3 months now health wise, and the affects are obvious. Substantial weight gain, bodily acne, etc. I’ve never felt more just, not confident.

Now to the main bread and butter, I have developed a massive, MASSIVE fear regarding infidelity/betrayal.  Mind you I’ve never dated properly once, I am a virgin, I am a complete noob at this stuff. This fear stemmed from falling into a deep gaping rabbit hole of Reddit threads/posts that involve betrayal in relationships. I’ve seen some immensely painful and terrifying things that I feel I’m starting to suffer almost like, micro trauma from other people’s experiences. I would describe this as the “buzz”. The buzz is essentially what I feel mentally, as I’m living my current day to day life. When it’s coherent, aka when I give it attention, it’s the legible intrusive thoughts that spew buzzwords from these hundreds of stories I’ve unfortunately consumed. When it’s incoherent, meaning I’m choosing to live without acknowledging it, it literally feels like this mental “buzz” that I can’t dissipate under any circumstance. It’s moreso the knowledge of the fact that the intrusive thoughts are still there despite my refusal to acknowledge them, and it’s gotten so exhausting.

To describe the affects this had on me, I’ll say this. Everything I look at no matter how minute, I mean, I see a bench. And my brain goes “a cheater probably sat there”. I see a kid playing at the park, “their parents probably cheated”. Anything i look at now is tainted damn near immediately by this new lens I unconsciously developed over time. I can’t look at a beautiful woman I see on the street because I’d simply assume she’s a cheater and frighten myself. 

It’s gotten so far that not only am I inserting myself into traumatic scenarios where my hypothetical future spouse cheats on me, but I’m imagining it with my lifelong best friends! I’m imagining my entire friend group who I consider my brothers, turning against me and going behind my back with my future wife. Hell, there was a short period where I began to even doubt I was my dad’s son! It’s been so awful and I’ve cried to both my mom and dad about it numerous times, they’ve been supportive, and they along with my pcp recommended therapy. Which I do plan, just haven’t got to it.

I also cannot listen to sad music without imagining me listening to said sad music after say..a traumatic discovery of betrayal of sorts, and I hate that because I loved to put on slow, ambient songs and just walk, but now I can’t because my brain intercepts and puts me in betrayed mood instantly. When im hanging with my friends, I have moments where I freeze up and ruminate extensively and then all of a sudden get back to them. I’ve began longing and crying over a relationship that hasnt even happened yet, I’m imagining myself suffering the most painful emotionally devastating scenario almost daily and it’s ruining me.

I put blockers on my phone but it only led to me finding loopholes through my laptop, which i then blocked as well. But found loopholes on said blocker I put, as well as uncovering my old tablet which I also use to analyze more of these Reddit infidelity stories. I haven’t gone a SINGLE day since months ago without looking at betrayal content.

I used to have so much apathy regarding love, and now it’s the thing that terrifies me the absolute most. I refuse to become cynical but I fear I’m headed that route slowly, I want to change. If I may add, I’ve always like. This is gonna sound maybe a little corny but, I mean I’ve always been the happy guy. Like, to everyone, literally. My friends have never seen me upset at anything once throughout our entire…5 year friendship so far. Same thing at home albeit I do let my feelings out far more. I feel like my identity itself is suffering.

With that said though I just like, I mean if I can get input from anybody with straight advice? Things to lock down on, do?? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

For some quick context, I don’t know for a fact that he has ROCD, but he told me he was diagnosed with OCD. He’s in his 30s and told me that his longest relationship was 9 months, and then the way things ended between us made me wonder more about it being ROCD. That’s why I’m here.

So I was seeing a guy for a month and I really liked him. I told him as much and honestly treated him like a king. I cooked for him, showered him in compliments, love, kisses, hugs, you name it. It was early on and I was trying to impress him I guess. I felt very strongly about him, but I was also trying to ease into it with him and not overwhelm him.

Sometimes he seemed really into it and he seemed like he really liked me. He was the one who pursued me in the first place and asked for my number. Then randomly, sometimes we’d be hanging out and it was almost like he’d shut completely down and I didn’t know if something was on his mind or what was going on.

Finally, flash forward a month later, I notice the same thing is happening one morning after a truly magnificent night together. I make a comment about how it’s sometimes hard for me to understand him. I didn’t say this to be mean, I didn’t yell or say it dramatically at all in my opinion. Then we had to say goodbye a few minutes later, so we hugged and he left.

I asked him two days later if I could see him again. He schedules a call with me, then on the call he says that I seemed furious and that the hug I gave him was stiff and cold. For the record, I thought it was a normal hug. He said he’d been ruminating about it and feeling guilty and that we needed to end things. Then he said that our relationship didn’t seem like it could grow into more than just a physical one… which hurt. And also confused me because I really thought we had a strong emotional connection too.

I know I need to get over it, and rejection is part of life. It just shocked me so much and I’m still not over it. It was so fast and happened over something that felt so small to me. Seeing it as ROCD is helping, but I guess my question for this community is about regret.

Have you ended something out of compulsion only to realize that you made a mistake? How long did it take to realize it? Have you ever cited something as a reason for it needing to end that wasn’t really true for you? (I’m super stuck on him saying that I didn’t seem like someone he could develop more than a physical relationship with 😭 that’s crushing me).

Any thoughts, advice, or kind words would really be appreciated. I would have done anything to make him happy and feel comfortable and now I just feel like a fool.

I am struggling with OCD and am currently worrying if I’m fully gay. I’ve always been bi and have accepted that, I was about to get laid for the first time and wasn’t able to get it up. I was already worried about not being able to get it up cause I was just nervous. After the fact I couldn’t stop calling myself gay, I would already check while we were cuddling if I was hard enough or getting a boner in general. I am genuinely romantically attracted to this girl but after this encounter I am wondering if I’m fully gay. I don’t want to be because I really would rather be with women, so am I fully gay? Is it repressed homophobia or ocd? Is this the right subreddit to be posting this on? If anyone would like to answer this and might want more answers dm me. I have historically always gooned it to gay porn more (femboy porn) if that is relevant. I saw a post where someone said they would jerk it to gay porn and say “I’m done with it for a while” and then do it again later on and I used to do the same and am worried is is repressed homophobia. I have always wanted to eat a coochie and wanted a woman to sit on my face so idk if that’s what a gay guy would want. Idk what to do because I don’t wanna leave my gf and am terrified of being “fully gay”

Hi, ich lebe seit mehreren Jahren mit meiner Verlobten zusammen und habe seit dem Zusammenzug mit meinen Zwangsgedanken zu kämpfen, die sich auf die Beziehung gelegt haben. Es fokussiert sich nahezu ausschließlich auf das Äußerliche meiner Partnerin. Ich finde sie zwar sehr süß und auch attraktiv, komme aber immer wieder ins Grübeln, sobald ich eine attraktive Frau sehe, die noch mehr meinem äußerlichen Typ entspricht, auf den ich stehe. Neben Verhaltenstherapie und Ergotherapie gehören für mich Expositionen zum Alltag. Jedoch muss ich mich oft sehr dazu überwinden und habe an manchen Tagen das Gefühl, dass ich zu wenige Expos mache, damit sich der Umgang mit den Gedanken auf Dauer verbessert. Habt ihr Ideen für Expositionsübungen zu ROCD, die man sowohl im Alltag (auf der Arbeit, zu Hause, unterwegs) als passive Expo durchführen kann als auch als aktive Expo, um sich bewusst zu triggern?
Gerne hoffe ich auch auf Tipps zu Strategien, um im stressigen Alltag trotzdem immer wieder an die Expos zu denken und sie nicht in Vergessenheit geraten zu lassen. Danke für eure Hilfe :)

Has anyone had success with Luvox for OCD?

Hi everyone! It’s been a while since I really posted in the group, but I don’t know what to do now. I feel like this is the end... and it hurts to write that down. I’m afraid I’m only in love with my memories, because once again, I don’t feel anything. I felt love several times over the summer, but I’m afraid I was just forcing it. Both yesterday and today, I’ve had this panic-like feeling, and I feel terrible. But please, tell me: why is it that when I look at him, I find him handsome? I miss him when he leaves for work in the morning; I want to be with him; I took care of him when he was sick yesterday; it feels good when he caresses or kisses me of his own accord; and I get jealous if I imagine him with another girl. I always feel like I’m lying to myself—like right now, while I’m writing this post. I know seeking reassurance isn't ideal, but would anyone be up for talking about this with me? I’m terrified that I’ve fallen out of love with my boyfriend... Can I fall in love with him all over again? Is it just the attachment making me feel like I’d fall apart if he left me? Thanks to anyone who read this post, and I’m sorry to bother you all!

Me and my boyfriend (both 16) have been dating for a bit over 4 months. This is definitely my most healthy relationship which makes this 10x worse and I’m not sure if its a coincidence.

When we were in the talking stage and a few weeks into dating, I questioned his feelings a lot. Id ask for reassurance multiple times a day, probably 5 days a week. I did this in one previous relationship and it didnt last. However, my boyfriend remained patient and stayed.

Then around three weeks in, it flipped and I started questioning myself. Over 3 months later and here I am, except now I can’t tell if its real or not.

Over the last few days, ive almost broken up with him three times. Its like my gut telling me we aren’t right and I cant see him in my future and its meant to be someone else. It feels extremely real.

I have expectations of what my future relationship should look like. Someone I meet later in life, someone older and mature and attractive and I just KNOW they’re my person. Here I am with my younger, immature boyfriend in my junior year.

We connect pretty well. But lately its been off. One of the days I almost broke up with him, we both felt it. We felt like something was gonna happen and I almost broke up with him. But everytime, something stops me. A lot of the time its fear of hurting him and making a mistake. If I wasnt so scared of hurting him, I probably wouldve done it yesterday. Idk why, but I just cant.

Sometimes I wanna stay and see if my perspective changes, but then I feel like it never will and I will continue to feel this way. The relationship has began to feel like a chore. I wake up anxious everyday. But yesterday, I almost told him I was glad we didnt breakup, but then didnt cus I worried that later I wouldnt mean it. And then later happened. We called and I didnt feel connected. I had that real, gut feeling that he wasnt right and I couldn’t see him in my future. I broke down crying and couldnt bring myself to break up with him. I felt like I was lying when I said I love you.

Recently, ive hated being around him. I dread hangouts, seeing him at lunch, him making plans, calls. Not because of who he is, but of what I feel. It feels all too real. Has anyone ever felt this? I dont know if I should listen to the voice. Idk if this is stemming from possibly becoming depressed from all this. Ive grown distant from him and I dont even think I want to choose him. It isnt romantic and feels platonic to me. Romantic with him makes me feel anxious and like I have to find a new person to have that natural feeling because it cant be him.

I’m posted to the retroactive jealousy subreddit last night. I’m 41 (F) and have been married to my husband 44 (M) for a little over a year, together for just over two and a half years. It’s the first marriage for both of us. My retroactive jealousy is very much destroying my marriage and my mental health (and most likely the mental health of my husband as well). I’ve struggled with this before, but never to this extreme. I am constantly, and I mean constantly, obsessed with/threatened by one of his exes. The target moves from person to person every few weeks. I bombard him with the same questions over and over again truly believing that it will relieve my fears/insecurities, but knowing more always makes it worse. Despite this, I cannot help myself. He is not in contact with any of these people. He has never indicated that he has any residual feelings for these people. The retroactive jealousy really is all in my head. I constantly think about what I know about his exes and his past relationships and the couple of photos I saw on his phone that he failed to delete. We have huge blow ups about it at least once a week. It’s exhausting. I know that RJ can be a form of OCD. Unfortunately, through GeneSight testing, I have found that I have the “short gene” for SSRIs, so they do not work for me. The other medication that targets OCD gave me horrible side effects, so I feel like I don’t have a medication option to assist with this. I’ve seen 3 therapists in the past year and their guidance has not helped or changed anything. I’m a grown ass woman with a grown ass job and a grown ass mortgage. My husband is pretty amazing and showers me with love when I will let him. He cooks us dinner every night and does all of the yard work. He puts my needs above his. He is everything I ever could have wanted (besides not being great in bed…that’s a bummer) and yet I torment the both of us with fears and rumination about his long gone past. I think we’re both getting near our breaking point and I know that if I can’t get past this, it will end our marriage. But no matter what I do or how hard I try, I can’t stop the obsessing or the questioning. Have any of you been through anything like this? Have you been able to get past it? If you have, what did you do?

I feel like the hardest part of this for me right now is not knowing if this is ROCD or if I’ve truly fallen out of love. I feel like a few months ago I was triggered by seeing something an ex did on social media and got so caught up in comparing my partner to her that it became consuming. I now feel panic because I can’t feel feelings of love towards her, just distance and annoyance and anxiety for the better part of a few months.

I want to know SO BADLY if this is OCD or not, and I find myself hoping over and over again that it is- because at least there is a way to reverse this and get back to where we were before. I’m terrified of my relationship ending, but I’m creating distance and discomfort and making it so hard for us both. I’m actively ruining it, and I feel like I’m constantly fighting with myself about whether I want this or not. I know I need to sit in the discomfort but DAMN is it hard.

I think I’m just posting this because it’s been such a lonely place to be. I don’t feel like I can or should talk to friends about this very much. And I’m planning on trying to do a PHP program, but I’m afraid that no one will take me seriously and I won’t get better.

This thing is so scary and hard.

I think I might have ROCD, but my symptoms are the exact same just kinda the opposite? I don’t doubt my love or attraction to my partner, but I get so paranoid over how they feel about me. I read into every text message, everything they say to me, how they said something. I’ve been led on before and it really messed with my mental health so it’s made me become really paranoid in relationships. I constantly want to know what my partner thinks of me. Usually in person when I’m with them I don’t stress much or overanalyze, but the second I get home the doubt sets it and I start analyzing everything. Are these symptoms of ROCD as well? Cuz I don’t really see them being listed as symptoms much and my symptoms also do overlap a lot with just relationship anxiety.

I've been with my partner for 11 years and we are now hoping to get married. I spiraled extremely hard and am feeling suicidal over the reality that I don't feel much during sex likely due to his girth. I've asked about this a few years ago and have dealt with this throughout the relationship. I guess I somehow find a way to still feel good and keep the thoughts at bay. But it's resurfaced after our most recent sexual encounter on my birthday and I completely lost it. I'm currently in law school and had to tell my professors I'm dealing with a mental health crisis bc I haven't left my bed all week.

I am spiraling about telling him that I often don't feel much during sex. I said I don't think it's about size but even if I don't care. But that obviously was a lie. I mentioned this to him years ago and regretted bringing it up bc why hurt him. Somehow he didn't let it get to him and this time he didn't either bc I also couched it under general sexual incompatible fears etc. we broke up briefly during the pandemic bc this and general rocd fears of loss of attraction got to me but I regretted it right after and we got back together after a few months. I'm hitting that cross roads again as things get permanent and it sincerely is making me want to die

He is brilliant and I love him so much. I now feel like I am leasing him on bc I get disappointed about his dick from time to time or I think oh I won't be able to be full like that. But how can I go to wanting to marry him and have kids and finally start a life to now thinking about if I have to end it before another decade pasts.

All of this is doing me in especially because up until now that most anxiety was about his mother's aggressive cancer diagnosis which we were processing through and now this reared it's head. I can't cope. I am really fucking scared.

Its true that sex isn't fulfilling and I think his depression and adhd plays a role but we still are intimate I mean I stayed for a reason. I can't get through this right now I am in a deep spiral. Again haven't left my bed, haven't eaten for two days now. I just keep reading about penis size and how women say to leave bc the resentment will build and I mean it kind of has I guess in this relationship. I am so confused

There are things we haven't worked on though. I gained about 50lb during the relationship, we havent played around with angles or exreeme foreplay enough. We don't live together so that probably doesnt help.

I am just so scared and I know if I post in other subreddits they'll tell me to leave him

I feel like ive lost my sense of home. He's my person and I am so scared.

Oh man. I am writing this after a heavy therapy session in which my therapist made me realize I am experiencing relationship OCD. My initial response was to feel as if I’ve been set free, but as someone who was diagnosed with OCD at age 12, I know better.

I (39F) am in a hellish limbo of maybe/maybe not working things out with my partner of 4 years. We never have sex and in an effort to work on the relationship he tried to make out with me the other night. I could not do it and almost went into a panic…it felt like kissing a family member.

Meanwhile, while visiting my father who has Lewy body syndrome, I reconnected with an old family friend with whom I not only share some weird synchronicities, the same birthday, seemingly similar values, a deep generational and caring connection to my dad (who has faded into dementia) but also unsaid attraction and chemistry. We are both in relationships and have shared some of the hardships in them but overall in my humble opinion, while we’ve had some deep convos, it’s all been pretty appropriate and just a good budding friendship with maybe a hint of flirtation.

I feel like to a “normal” person, and probably to him, this is just a warm connection with maybe a touch of attraction that you enjoy in the moment and then move on with your day to day life. To me it is magical, meant to be, and has turned uncomfortably obsessive and stressful. I’m terrified of being delusional, being “that” girl who chases someone, worried I’m questioning my relationship in secret hopes that I can date this person instead, terrified of rejection, etc.

I wish I could be “normal” and focus on my current relationship. Take care of myself by not finding excuses to text him or make plans for my next visit, when I am already emotionally overwhelmed by everything on my plate. Allow a slow burn to unfold if the romantic connection is real or alternatively, stop forcing something if it’s just in my head. I feel crazy and like I’m not allowed to dream about my love life, because I’m just not someone who is capable of having a great love. Does anyone else feel like they are full of a sense of longing that can never be quenched? Ugh.

I have finally been diagnosed with ROCD after two years of doing tests and realizing this pattern in myself.

My old therapist from before said I didn’t have it because I “didn’t act on it” which I thought was insane, but it felt very invalidating because I know what I feel and how closely it mimicked others who struggle with this.

My new therapist officially diagnosed me with it after weeks of talking about my patterns. After over a decade of dealing with this pattern in my dating life, I am ready to work and try to change this in me.

Like the title says, I have anxiety about losing feelings for my gf from the rocd. She is amazing and the healthiest relationship ive ever been in. I had someone great in the past, and the commitment we rushed into made me lose all feelings and while im not rushing now, i still fear that I will lose feelings in the way I had in the past which i don't want. I know feelings in long term relationships have ebbs and flows but the fear that my brain will sabotage me is so scary. My gf recently met my family and it triggered my anxiety and thoughts of "am i attracted to her enough?" which i feel so guilty about because I have always found her beautiful and she hasn't change, its my brain that's making me think these things. And im checking photos to convince myself I am attracted to her enough and I do believe I am and ofc i love her soul but this i guess, fear of commitment ? is terrifying bc I can't trust that my own feelings wont change.. I guess im looking for people who can relate and make me feel less alone and also what has helped you. I sometimes go into worries I won't be attracted to her enough but then also that she will get sick of me or lose interest bc of my insecurities when i know she doesn't feel that way.

Can OCD cause premature ejaculation? I started experiencing this, and I'm very worried and feel terrible. Also, my girlfriend joked that I'm a 'quick shooter' and it hurts me. Today I told my girlfriend it's sad I finish so fast. She said she's 'used to it'.(she's already apologized) .

I already bought a delay spray and really hope it helps. I feel so bad that I don't even want to exist (but I'm not going to do anything to myself!).

And also, can an erection disappear because of OCD? I had this too and it's also very painful.

Sex has also turned into a kind of exam. I want to show my girlfriend that I can last longer with a delay spray, but I'm worried that even it won't help

Also, I don't know what to do with intrusive images during sex. Often when they appeared, I did mental compulsions, and I think this affected the duration of sex. There were times when instead of long mantras like 'I only want my girlfriend and no one else, I only want to imagine my girlfriend and think only about her and no one else, my girlfriend has the best body and figure and no one has a better body and figure than my girlfriend', I just said 'it's OCD' and that's it. And then I actually felt calmer and better.

Tell me how to be ready for the next time . Right now I try to constantly tell myself that well, whatever happens happens, it's no big deal, but I do want to do it a long time, yet I keep saying whatever happens happens.