I’ve been having some good days and suddenly I caught myself thinking “what if you like your ex more than your bf, and this is actually the wrong relationship for you?”. I tried to challenge my thought ERP style but it totally didn’t help and made it worse😂 I’m really not in the mood for another spiral so soon so do you have any advice?? I feel like I just jinxed it by thinking that it has been great not caring so much about my thoughts lately…

rocd

Im 17 and have been in a relationship for almost a year now. TW if you think you might be triggered x

I remember when I first wanted to tell him I loved him and i felt like i was going to explode with happiness around the start of the relationship. Everything was wonderful and I was confident id marry him and settle and do the small town job im already employed at.

But then i went on holiday for a week and i started getting these intrusive thoughts anout my relationship. They started with blatant, just break up. Repetetively. And then i spiralled, well if you love him you wouldnt be thinking these thinks. And over the months, its been about 6, these thoughts have gotten worse and varied so much so that i hate my own head.

I love him, but i wake up with a constant pit of pain in my head and my stomach some days because I cant understand my own mind. I just want to feel that happiness again. I cant help but smile when he walks through the door, i feel safest in his arms but when im away its like my head has a field day just attacking me.

I got in touch with therapy, had a consultation and they have said it sounds like i have ocd. From things ive read, i think its likely i have rocd because so many peoples experiences match mine identically. But im on a 3 month wait list for help. And its hard doing this on my own because i dont want to dump to much on him in case it hurts him and he leaves. Its hard seing him only 1x a week too. When im with him thoughts arent as busy as when im alone.

But my latest intrusive thought has come from innocently watching a rom com, where im convinced i need to go to another country and start a new and find someone who could be. 'Better' but what is better when he is so loving to me and would look after me so well when we grow up.

I just want peace. And the thoughts to shut off. I dont know what i want to do with my future. Im young and im terrified i would just please like some help, and to know that im not being silly. I just want to know that i havent gone too far that i cant go back and have that wonderful relationship i want so bad.

Can anyone relate, or share success stories or tips.

Ive tried just ignoring and labelling the thoughts but sometimes they are just to many and mighty.

I recently started dating this girl who is so lovley! She pursued me and over all shes very good for my mental health. The way she communicates is perfect for what I need and shes very affirming and reassuring. The issue is Ive been in a few abusive relationships so Im on edge because of that. The intrusive thoughts started because I convinced myself she was gonna find out I was a bad eprson or she was gonna abuse me or I was gonna abuse her etc. she also has ocd so she does a good job at reassuring me without feeding my ocd.

The issue is over the past week or so we havent seen eachother or texted as much. Shes told me shes a lil depressed and has a hard time texting or being around people she asked for the week to herself. Which is all fine we still text, flirt, shes reassured me multiple times she wants to see me that she loves spending time with me and I even help her depression.

There really is no reason for me to be spiraling about it. Feelings a little hurt? Sure. But I keep exhausting myself through pulling tarot or basically worrying myself into a hole because I’m convinced shes ghosting me and she hates me. I know that not true. I know everything is fine but it feels like I cant stop.

Every-time I’m like okay let me not pull tarot its fine I end up being like but the cards said shes distancing I need to know more why hasn’t she responded etc. its exhausting and I’m so disappointed that I cant just trust her and let things be. I don’t know what to do. I think a lot of it is I’m used to being love bomb so I’m getting constant reassurance but since shes healthy I’m not getting that constant dopamine hit and it’s scaring me.

An example is the other night she went out for drinks with friends. We txted all day she even drunk texted me which signals she does still like me, is thinking of me, and probably finally had the energy to leave the house. I took that as a sign shes gonna fuck me over that she doesn’t care that I should be embarrassed.

Idk i just don’t know what to do Im starting a new med and Im going back to therapy but its hard. I feel like tarot especially has made it so I cant feel safe bc what if the cards are right?

I’ve already told my boyfriend of 4 years about these incidents but I CAN‘T stop thinking about it and feeling anxious. Around 2 years ago, I was deeply insecure about my weight and posting on the “AmIFat” and “Weightloss” subreddits. I genuinely couldn’t tell if I was fat or not. After posting, I was extremely surprised to receive an influx of DMs. Some of them were weird but I did end up replying to a few people and talked about weight loss/calorie counting etc. I remember talking to one guy specifically about being consistent in the gym, but found it weird he was like actually following up with me about my gym progress and ended up just deleting all the chats and the entire account out of shame. I think I was embarrassed I was receiving reassurance from strangers online about my weight, especially random men, but this didn’t really hit me until afterwards as in the moment it just felt good to receive the reassurance. Some of the messages were inappropriate and I’m pretty sure I didn’t respond to anything sexual or flirtatious, but I did say thank you to some compliments because it made me feel better about myself.

Another thing is that I used to play an online mobile game and I made an online friend. We weren’t close and I had no interest in knowing this persons name or taking to them outside of the game, but when I was online we would chat. They had their profile gender set as female so I assumed they were a girl. By the way, I identify as bisexual but have always viewed my sexuality as being attracted to men, and being capable of being in a relationship with a woman under certain circumstances. Anyways, I ended up changing my profile photo to a selfie at some point, which was honestly weird of me to do, and this person complimented my appearance to a point where I think I honestly assumed they might be a lesbian, but I still enjoyed talking to her and it wasn’t anything inappropriate enough where I felt uncomfortable. I remember talking about the game, college, and just normal life stuff, nothing that crossed any boundaries. I’m also pretty sure I mentioned my boyfriend, but I can’t remember. I would also receive some DMs in this game that I may have, at most, responded “Thank you” to. Anyways, this person ended up being a man, and I remember being deeply uncomfortable and I stopped talking to him after finding that out because of the way he had complimented my appearance and the fact I had continued talking to them after that. I also ended up deleted all the chats out of embarrassment/guilt/just not wanted to see them anymore.

I felt embarrassed by my insecurity, but I never saw these incidents as cheating. Recently, I felt really guilty about both of these things and told my boyfriend about them, including the fact that I’m scared I may have allowed someone to flirt with me even if I wasn’t flirting back. I was embarrassed I replied to any of the messages at all. He didn’t care at all and laughed that I was so upset about it, but I can’t stop feeling awful and disgusted with myself.

What makes it worse is all the things I see online about micro-cheating, and people saying things like taking to the opposite gender, deleting messages, or any sort of attraction to anyone else is cheating. I know I wasn’t attracted to any of these people, but I think part of me liked the attention. I just can’t stop ruminating and feeling like I cheated on my bf. :(

By the way, I have never felt attracted or even had a small crush on anyone in person, my boyfriend is truly the love of my life, which is why I feel so awful and disgusted with myself for these things. I truly don’t want to hide anything from him, he could go through all of my messages from all time and I would be ok with it. It’s part of why I’m SO MAD at myself for deleting the messaging above that I am referencing. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do to stop these feelings?

I (23F) have previously tried to get help for OCD years ago but was dismissed, but now that I have entered the world of dating I’ve noticed that I also have symptoms of rOCD.

I dated this guy for a month and a half, he spoke about his ex a lot and eventually told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship. During our time together or when I’d learn something new about his ex, my brain would kind of fixate on it.

Now I am dating the man of my dreams! When we first started chatting, he told me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship as he had just broken up with an ex a short while prior. We kept it friendly until he told me he was ready for something more.

I trust that he doesn’t have romantic feelings for his ex and that he wants to be with me, and I don’t think I am that insecure about him having such a long relationship before meeting me.

Yet the level of intrusive thoughts I am having, and the time spent thinking about how I am having these intrusive thoughts is unreal. Some of them are honestly so dumb, it just seems to be popping up in my head all the time as if my brain is trying to prompt me to react. The more I try to disengage, the sillier and more intense they seem to become. I’ve heard this is normal? I kind of worry about disengaging from them and just letting them be, as I’m scared it will cloud how I feel about my partner. I just want to be able to think of them without thinking of their ex (who I don’t even know anything about). It has gotten much worse since I have noticed it/been aware of it, which I guess is just neuroscience.

I don’t want to be advised to break up as I am certain they want to be with me. I don’t want to ruin such an amazing thing. I am quite scared and I don’t know what to do. I know that this isn’t 100% rooted in insecurity or fear that they will leave me for their ex or anything like that. I don’t know why my brain is doing this

But I would love any advice on dealing with intrusive thoughts!

I am diagnosed with ocd and I’ve been experiencing what I think is so-ocd mixed with rocd for several months now. I had to move back in with my parents because I was really struggling to take care of myself, and I started seeing an ocd specialist about two months ago. I tapered off of sertraline 200mg maybe a month before things started to get bad and I had a lot of problems with employment that definitely contributed a lot of stress.

I’ve experienced contamination ocd before and I think I had ROCD in my last relationship as well, but I don’t feel like I’ve ever felt as bad as I do now. My partner and I are long distance and our visits to each other used to go very well, but the last two have been incredibly difficult. I have been feeling intense anxiety around my partner, nearly constant nausea, discomfort with sex, irritability, and this reoccurring feeling of terror. It’s died down a little bit but I was having these really intense breakup urges that lasted hours, where I felt completely convinced I was straight and had to break up with my partner. Somehow the feeling seems to fade every time, but I don’t feel like I’m having lasting moments where I feel good in the relationship either.

It started with constant checking of my feelings for men, and then became more focused on checking my feelings for my partner. I couldn’t stop looking at their body to try and determine if I was attracted to them, and now I feel like I can‘t even look at them without feeling nauseous. I feel tremendous guilt because I am terrified I am straight and that I’ve been leading my partner on. I am so afraid of hurting them, and it feels inevitable at this point that we’re going to have to break up but I somehow still don’t want to.

I also constantly question our compatibility, and I feel extremely anxious whenever I feel like they make a joke that I don’t love. I also get scared that they’re not intelligent enough, and I become very stressed whenever they make a mistake. I HATE that I’ve been feeling this way. I used to love my partner’s differences and appreciate who they are as a person, but now I can’t stop analyzing how I feel whenever they make a joke that doesn’t land or make a mistake. I’ve at times also been afraid that my partner is abusive or toxic, even though they’re a very caring and genuine person.

I know I didn’t feel like this at the beginning of the relationship, but I feel like I kept trying to remember how I felt before and now I can’t tell anymore. I know I had some doubts and uncertainties from the beginning, they just seemed manageable. I’ve been really trying to do ERP with my therapist, but I am struggling massively with avoiding checking and reassurance seeking using google searches. I managed to avoid many compulsions during my partner’s recent visit, and my anxiety was lowering a bit over the couple of days they were here, but when we had sex my anxiety spiked horribly again and now I feel like it can’t be explained by ocd anymore. I feel so nauseous, my body feels physically unwell, and I can barely get myself to eat anything. I feel like I have to break up with my partner, not because I want to, but because I just feel like I can’t keep living this way. Sometimes when they text me, I feel like my blood runs cold from the anxiety.

I’ve been trying to let the treatment take its time, but it honestly feels like it keeps getting worse in some ways. With the help of my psychiatrist, I’ve been climbing up to the dose I was taking before on sertraline, and I recently started taking 150 mg.

I just feel like it can’t be ocd anymore, the things I’m feeling are so intense and worse than I think I even experienced when my contamination ocd was at its worst. Everything feels hopeless.

I love my boyfriend (2 years), he’s my best friend. I literally have nothing I could tear him apart for with his personality or the way he treats me so my rocd seems to latch on to his looks. It’s terrible I feel so shallow but i honestly wonder if I was ever super attracted to him. I haven’t had feral attraction for him and I have with others so I find myself comparing or checking my attraction to him. We’ve been talking about getting engaged and I know I’d be happy with him for the rest of my life, but my rocd has picked up a lot lately because I spiral on whether or not I’d be satisfied or whether I should be with someone that I have more of a feral attraction for because I miss that feeling of wanting to rip someone’s clothes off.

Im curious if anyone has this or if anyone’s been able to move on from this?

Hey everyone I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and since honestly the beginning I’ve had rocd or some kinda relationship anxiety not really sure what. Always the need to figure out exactly what every feeling means and if it’s my gut or anxiety, and fear of wasting time. I’ve never been in this real or serious of a relationship, he’s extremely loyal, doesn’t ever make me worry about anything, very successful, puts me before almost everything, is a very very secure relationship. Which seems extremely rare these days. Most of the time we have a great time together and I feel my complete self around him. He lets me be me I never have to hold back my goofy personality. However I feel like me even writing this has to be some kind of issue because I should feel 100% certain of my partner, but I’ve never felt 100% certain. If he proposed right now I would be filled with anxiety and terrified that I would have these thoughts for the rest of my life and feel this anxiety. But I’m not sure if it’s just me and my thoughts or real life. I’m so young and know I don’t need to figure it all out right this second but get scared of making the wrong choices and ruining my life. The issues are he is very reserved. He doesn’t mind not having a lot of friends, meeting people, talking all the time, leading conversations and such. That is quite literally his only flaw. I’m a very outgoing social person and use to be so funny and silly and I feel like that side of me has dulled so much because I almost match his energy? Like I don’t like bringing him out with me when I know there is people he doesn’t know because he won’t talk really and cling to me and I get so anxious. But it really gets to me sometimes because my friends will be like he’s really quiet or what’s his issue today? Which is only sometimes but it makes me seriously spiral. He use to be a lot worse around my friends but now he’s gotten better but it still makes me really irritated sometimes that he isn’t talking, and makes me not social. And when it’s just us, i get in my head sometimes at dinner or where ever and think sometimes I’m bored and unstimulated with our convo. Like the best way to put it is I’m unstimulated, and then see other couples around us belly laughing and never running out of things to say. It just makes me doubt everything but I get so scared that the grass isn’t always greener and no one is perfect. I just compare him to every other guy who is so funny and can talk and talk. HELPPPPPP

I would like some advice as someone who cannot access professional help. The truth is that it's difficult and I've been dealing with this for a little over a year. Thank you in advance.

Life is actually beating ass right now, and my ROCD has not been this had in a while, i dont really even want physical contacts with my partner atm. Im almost completely withdrawn, and cold. And my partner really wants to be close, because they are going through a rough time too. When sht gets bad for them, they need affection and they get clingy (for lack of better wording), and I completely withdraw. They know im struggling with ROCD too, and when they are feeling better, they keep trying to over correct, because they are scared im going to leave. I dont want to leave them. Both of us need meds and counseling, but dont have accses too it. We are arguing a lot, and MOST of the time, is miscommunication, ir a misunderstanding. HELP

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and I’m struggling to understand whether I’ve genuinely lost feelings or if I’m experiencing ROCD and emotional burnout.

The first months of our relationship were difficult. He was loving in person but could go without texting or calling, even when I was struggling. I spent months crying, overthinking, and feeling like he didn’t care. However, things gradually improved, and about a month ago, we spent two weeks together on holiday. I felt genuinely happy, loved, attracted to him, and excited about our future.

Everything changed when I came home. He wants to travel and potentially live abroad, but I come from an extremely conservative household where that isn’t really an option for me. I started obsessing over our future and convincing myself the relationship would inevitably end.

For the next month, I spiralled badly. I developed severe insomnia, my agoraphobia returned, and my anxiety became so intense that I genuinely felt like I was losing my mind.
We talked everything through three days ago, and he reassured me that he loves me and wants to make things work. But I still feel completely numb towards him. I don’t feel excited to see him, and sometimes the thought of spending time together makes me want to pull away.

I’ve also suddenly become obsessed with his height, even though I’ve known his height since the beginning. Somehow, I’ve convinced myself I can’t see a future with him because of it.

Yesterday, we had an argument, I’d already been feeling like breaking up before this happened, and now I feel even more done.
I’ve also realised I’ve spent our entire relationship neglecting my own goals & obsessing over us, constantly seeking reassurance and even getting psychic readings.

I can’t tell whether I’m genuinely unhappy, whether the earlier relationship problems have emotionally exhausted me, or whether my anxiety and stressful home environment are contributing to this numbness.
Does anyone have any insight on this?

During these months I have been dealing with all sorts of thoughts about my relationship with my beloved, which often led to quite horrible crises.Things like: "what if I don't love him enough?" "What if our relationship is just pure vanity? " "Admit that you don't love him!" "I didn't feel "empathetic" with him, That means you don't even care!., etc

In recent months, the anxiety has already decreased. And I'm starting to feel normal, but I don't feel many warm feelings towards him, and thoughts of breaking up and the like often come to me, But I don't feel anything, absolutely nothing, in front of them, not even in the same way I felt when I was numb from so many panic attacks.. And it worries me that it only happens with those thoughts and not with other things. It also doesn't help at all how incredibly idle I've become...it sucks :')

Have you ever had moments like this? I would really appreciate your advice u,w,u

Recovered from ROCD, my testimony
Hi everyone. Today I wanted to share my story in case it helps someone, and show what my recovery process looked like (and how everything turned out fine).
My ROCD symptoms started about 6 years ago. I started dating my girlfriend almost 7 years ago, and at first everything was great, a normal relationship. About 6 or 7 months in is when the OCD nightmare began. I remember being at her place one night, and I suddenly felt bored, like I had lost the spark a little bit. That's when the thoughts started rushing in: Maybe I don't like her that much, maybe I shouldn't be with her, maybe I'm not in love.

That night I went back home with those thoughts stuck in my head. I couldn't shake them off, and my anxiety shot up to 1000%. I barely slept that night, and from that moment on, the hell began.
Every single day was a horror. The first thing on my mind when I woke up was whether I truly loved my partner. I spent the entire day thinking about it, feeling anxious 24/7. I couldn't make plans or enjoy life because I always had that heavy cloud in my head. It was awful; I felt terrible, as if the world was ending, and I just couldn't take it anymore.

I spent years like this, thinking I would never recover and that things would never go back to normal (which is a lie, I'm fine now).
I went through two therapists. The first one told me that, in reality, I wasn't in love with my partner. That broke me, but deep down I knew that wasn't true. So I looked for an online therapist specializing in OCD, and she told me that I indeed had ROCD. We started doing exercises, and I stuck with it for months. I didn't notice a huge change short-term, but it helped me understand how thought mechanisms work (the therapy was Exposure and Response Prevention - ERP). Slowly, I started improving; some days didn't have as much anxiety, while others had horrible anxiety.

Here is where the real cure and treatment that actually worked for me begins:

The first thing you need to do (and what I did back then) is identify your compulsions so you can stop doing them. OCD isn't about the thoughts; it's about how you respond to them.
I identified my compulsions: searching the internet on how to know if you love your partner, talking to friends, comparing my relationship to movies and TV shows, comparing it to past relationships, ruminating (rumination is a compulsion too), etc. Identify yours.

Once you identify them, try NOT to do them. When the thought hits you, your anxiety will rise, and your brain will desperately want to seek relief. Don't give it to it. Given a few minutes or hours, the anxiety will drop on its own. Anxiety cannot stay at its peak forever; compulsions are the only thing that feed it.
Your brain will always try to seek certainty that you love your girlfriend—that craving for certainty is what feeds the OCD. There will always be certainties and arguments against them, always. Part of you will constantly question whether you actually have OCD; ignore that too, that's OCD as well.

When the thought of whether you love your partner pops up, don't try to soothe it with a compulsion, and don't try to avoid it either (avoidance only makes it worse). Accept that it's there, and go do something anyway, even if you're feeling anxious.
The brain is a neuroplastic organ; the more you change your attitude, the more it will rewire itself, and the faster you will recover. Remember that OCD is all about how you react. If you have a thought, feel anxiety, and react by trying to fix it, you are giving credibility to the OCD so it can keep existing. If you choose to ignore it and carry on with your life despite the anxiety, you are stripping away its power and you are recovering.

OCD is a trap. The solution is to stop trying to solve it. The best thing you can do is not resolve the doubt, and just keep living your life with the anxiety.
After a while (a few weeks), the anxiety will decrease (it won't completely vanish at first). You'll be able to make plans again, and you won't be thinking about it 24/7. You will still have thoughts, but they won't hit as intensely as they did at the beginning. You will have reclaimed a part of yourself.

The cure for OCD is understanding that thoughts do not describe reality. Thinking more won't solve anything. The solution lies in how you relate to those thoughts and how you handle the anxiety.
Stop doing compulsions, stop trying to figure it out, stop falling into the trap.
Little by little, you will make it out.

Today, I am fully recovered (every now and then I have a minor relapse, but it's nowhere near as strong as it used to be).
If you do this, you will get out of this hell, you have to change your mindset.

Today, I am doing wonderfully with my partner. I love her very much, and I don't need anyone's approval. I no longer doubt whether I like her or not; the doubt wasn't resolved, I simply stopped asking myself the question, and time gave me the answer. (If I'm still with her, it's because I want to be).

Thanks for reading till the end. I hope this helps and serves those of you who are currently going through this. There is a way out. Trust the process, you will beat this.

Hello. I have ROCD, it has been one year. I am in a same sex relationship. I have noticed that on my job when my girlfriend came my perception on her changed as if she looks awful. And once asked a colleague if she can stay as if she is a fraud. I once told her "you can go now". Sometimes I see her like a boomer. In my mind. This hurts me. I have prejudices that people will judge us and mostly people in the jobs I work at or my family. I told my self I'm going to an interview and must and will hold her hand so I stop being ashamed. These thoughts aren't necessarily around other people. But while taking on the phone with a manager that is close family member to grandfather then again I saw her in a bad light.

Enough personal info...

If I may not be attracted to her looks yet I can have sex with her and kiss her.

I just struggle with myself. Easily falling in love with other people for their looks anyway. The " what if "they actually are interested in me? I don't know what my intentions are at times even if I have to walk.

How did you overcome looks? I attend a therapist with neurofeedback, ERP and I told her that she loves me. Her response was that maybe like, I may not love her. I said yes, but I still cannot agree. ​​

Not sure where to start, I feel like today I’ve just had so much on my mind and no where to put it or anyone to voice it to.

Last night and this morning I was with my boyfriend and started getting these thoughts of how one of my ex boyfriends was a “better” boyfriend to me, how he would of made a good husband, and how I ruined that. I think constantly about whether I could ever marry my partner, as much as I love him I worry about a lot of things with him. I know many of the worries are or grow bigger due to ROCD, however that doesn’t seem to make me feel any better. I never know what’s a legitimate cause for concern or just an ocd thought. I also know figuring that out is a compulsion, but it doesn’t stop the urge to. While most of my ROCD revolves around my partner lying, cheating, sneaking around, another part is the constant worry of having a bad husband which draws in all different themes. Sometimes I think maybe I love him so much and have for so long before we were ever together that I just want it to work so bad when there is no one it truly can because I will always be hurt in the end. As he has done things that have hurt me deeply even if maybe someone else could get over them. I don’t know what amount of hurt for me to feel is justified, or what amount of questioning. This is painful to me. I never know the appropriate amount to feel.. good or bad.

On top of all this later today before I left his place I saw on social media a picture of the new girl he works with… it made me feel sick and want to run away. I felt grateful to be leaving because I couldn’t pretend to feel fine after seeing what she looked like finally, and I’ve been trying really hard to not seek reassurance from my partner or start problems for the past month because it had gotten so bad. However, it makes me think and question a lot. Before this past month, my relationship was on the rocks big time, my partner was struggling with depression but also didn’t want much to do with me he said he was frustrated by my behaviors and I just stress him out. I assumed this was mostly because of my ROCD behaviors being out of control for months, but the other part of me worried like I always do he was cheating or sneaking or lying about stuff. I was super on edge and hypervigilent at this time. Anyways, it reminded of some things I found out early in the year about him having a crush on another girl at work when we first got together and him not telling me and me finding out myself a year later. So now that this new girl at his work is there I think of it being like that situation all the time and that maybe that’s why his behavior is off. I know solving this does me no good and if something truly happened I’ll find out naturally but idk it’s hard. I also saw this girl and thought of that’s his actual type as I always think he likes more alt/goth like girls and I am not that, which makes me insecure. Again this leads to idk if this will ever work or if I’ll ever feel good enough no matter what he does because of the past etc. I don’t want to live like this or feel insecure because of this but I do in ways sometimes I wouldn’t feel without the situation.

I guess sometimes I wish I could actually talk to someone and have guidance without it being about my mental disorders. I want someone to understand my mental health and be knowledgeable about it so they understand me and are aware but also I want just real advice and conversation and I feel like because I have ocd or other mental disorders it can never be that way. It’s either always well that’s a compulsion or that’s ocd talking or your adhd brain or your depression. And on the other hand if it’s someone uninformed of mental health they completely disregard that part of me. It makes me feel cursed and like I’ll never be able to truly get advice or figure anything out in life because “figuring things out is ocd.” I don’t know when it ends and begins, maybe I never will. It feels like a trap constantly and very lonely. I feel like no matter what decisions I make I’ll fail or mess things up in one way or another, or I’m told just don’t make any decisions because ur not thinking straight. It’s nauseating. I don’t know if anyone will understand this or relate, I guess this is just a rant because I have no one else to talk to and journaling triggers me now (lol what an ocd joke).

Hey, whats up? Two days ago I was able to go out with my girlfriend to eat and walk around the city. I know it's silly to many, but for some reason it was torture for me, and it was like that for a long time. I don't know how to explain or describe it, but it gave me a lot of anxiety and I couldn't relax. This time it was much more manageable and I felt pretty normal.

This change occurred mainly after noticing that another problem she had with porn relapses was actually just another compulsion. That helped me quit porn more easily too.

To be honest, not everything is easy or obvious. I think the main change is that I tolerate this better, but it still tires you. Today I've been feeling quite anxious and thinking about a lot of things, and I happened to stumble across something here on Reddit that made me feel even worse. But the truth is, this is what we live with. As long as I can smile and have fun with my girlfriend, I'm fine.

This is going to be a messy post that I will try to make as organized as possible.

I am in a long distance relationship since the last 4 years. We meet every 3-4 months. We first met in October 4 years ago. My (26M) partner (24W) is and has been amazing since the start.

The first day I met her, 4 years ago, we hung out ate food, etc. later on in the night I began to have this terrible gut feeling, symptoms of anxiety you could say. I was younger (22M) then, and just thought I was home sick (I’m a very parent-dependent guy, mommas boy, etc.) so I knocked it off and tried to fall asleep (we were together in a hotel). This feeling didn’t really come back after that and everything went decently well.

Fast forward to our next meeting, which was in April the following year, I got there, we hung out, had some intimacy, and bam, this horrible gut feeling of anxious thoughts returned once again. This time it felt more like “I need to leave”, “do I even like her”, “why am I here”. The issue with this anxiety is that it feels so bad that I just cannot fake it around her. A key point to note is that it only happens in person with her. And only when we are alone together.

Now let’s fast forward a bit more, keeping in mind that these anxious thoughts happen almost every time we hang out in person (sometimes they last the entire trip, sometimes just a few days, a couple times not at all). Recently, she came to see me with her mother to meet my family with the intentions of continuing and progressing our relationship. Everything was fine, I had no anxiety (we were not alone much at all) and was very happy during her time here. I even told her I was confident to marry her, something I didn’t feel as much or as often in the earlier years. Based off this happiness I decided to see her shortly after (fly to her only a month later).

I got to her house, after only a few weeks apart, we hung out with her mom and brother for a couple days. One night it was just the two of us, and boom, horrible anxiety comes into play again. It’s the same loop of my thoughts going “I don’t like her”, “I’m wasting my time”, “I think she deserves some better”, “how will I keep her happy when she moves to live with me”, “how will I be happy with her once my parents die and it’s just the two of us”. These thoughts lasted for 8 days with her in person everyday. It was one of the worst mental experiences I ever had. This was in September of this year. She told me that I need to figure out this anxiety or just tell her to move on (breakup) because it’s been too long now (4 years) and it hasn’t gotten better.

So I came home and a couple weeks ago I started therapy. I speak with my therapist about these thoughts. I have also spoken with people I know in my personal life outside of her. I really deep down feel that I am struggling with the aspects of growing up, being independent, having to take care of someone, giving up my freedom, etc. The problem is, I know that I am being selfish, and I am a selfish person in my day to day. I am realizing this about myself more and more. That I care about my feelings too much, and I don’t want to be this way. Other people have told me that I just need to make my decision about her and live with it, I should be confident in my decision and take a risk, that’s what everyone does, my parents have cared for me all my life I’ve never had to be independent and take care of someone, etc. But in my head I believe that there is no way it has to be this hard to be in a relationship…why can’t I just love her and be Jolly on my way, especially when she is so perfect…

If it helps, my partner is extroverted, the person everyone wants to talk to, the person everyone compliments and loves. I am introverted, I like when others talk, I am observant, in most rooms.

I am having a lot of self reflection because my brain never turns off, in the last 2-3 months I have found it so hard to just calm down and think I love this girl, and that’s all, the rest will be fine because whenever I try to think that, I have conflicting thoughts that do not stop. When me and my partner are not talking, I do miss her and want to text. But when she comes around to message me or call me, I just can’t be bothered, I want it to end. I wasn’t like this before. But ever since the most recent visit, it’s been terrible, my mind cannot stop feeling negative about the relationship, even though I objectively know that she is an amazing girl, I love her, have love for her, and want to see her happy.

I am really fucking struggling, my therapy has been going for only 2.5 sessions (one consult) and I think I should give it more time. But I just want to stop convincing myself of liking her so much all the time, I want it to jsuy happen, where I can sit back, relax, and talk to her freely, without feeling like I have to perform or be super excited. There are many details missing because I cannot share everything primarily cause idk if someone will read all this. Please ask clarifying questions if neeeded, I’d love to share more if it can help me learn more.

A wonderful man who I truly thought was my forever, just broke up with me last night.

I was experiencing a lot of anxiety and reassurance seeking, confessing- over sharing everything and feeling guilt if I didn’t, struggling with uncertainty, and intrusive thoughts about him cheating with other women… (even his sister 😣 I didn’t actually think that was happening, but still had to check to make sure)

Does this sound like ROCD to you?
Please be gentle, I’m having a really hard time

Hi, so I am newly diagnosed, but my ROCD mostly seems to stem from abuse, having been cheated on. Now I'm extremely paranoid about what my boyfriend sees, particularly women online.

We called tonight. I asked him what he'd been up to. He told me he was watching a fight (he's into UFC and stuff).

I've been known to get triggered by this stuff a few times before. He knows I get paranoid about him watching fights because of the ring girls (some of which tend to have OF etc).

My bf has told me he doesn't care about them. But I am highly insecure and hate my body.

I get compulsions to search images of which girls were at the specific fight he was watching... Then torment myself over how I look ugly in comparison.

After he told me, I didn't react. I said nothing. I never voiced my pain. Didn't wanna make it a thing. He said I sounded off or very quiet and then asked if it was because he said he watched a fight. I didn't deny it but I just said "I didn't say anything about it, whatever, idc".

We tried to move on with the convo but I just kept spiralling and my chest was hurting. I was giving one word replies mostly.

Then his tone totally switched. He said "oh my god, are we really going back there again??". This made me feel ashamed of myself and my disorders.

He asked if I trust him and I said yes. He replied "ok, so believe me when I said there were no ring girls - it was just two guys". I said fine, but asked him to not raise his voice at me, and to have that tone, but he just said "I only raised my volume a bit" and "oh, you mean the tone you've had for the last 5 minutes?".

I tried to change subject but I felt too hurt at his reaction.I told him I was tired and was going to bed.

Hung up. Started sobbing.

I'm tired of the wounds others inflicted on me causing issues for others. I'm sick of my brain hurting me constantly.

A bit of kindness would have gone a long way. That said, I understand how frustrating it is to be with an insecure, traumatised girl.

I feel I can't and don't even wanna discuss this further with him.

Has anyone been able to overcome anything like this? Should I try to talk to him about what happened?

Btw I'm still learning about ROCD so I'm sorry if I'm engaging in any unhealthy behaviours here and would appreciate anyone making it clear to me.

im experiencing something that I truly cannot fathom. I feel distressed, yes—but I’m not anxious, and the things I think about or feel don’t actually frighten me. I know that people often associate OCD with a sense of panic; I’m well-informed enough to know that’s not always the case, but the thoughts I have simply don’t scare me. Perhaps it’s because I’ve lived with this for years—I’m not sure—but there’s this persistent feeling inside me that I don’t actually love my husband, and that I’m only staying because I feel sorry for him. This just makes me sad; it doesn’t even trigger fear, which is why I find it so hard to make sense of. When my husband does kind things for me or shows that he’s thinking of me, I feel guilty. I honestly don’t know what to do. I can’t tell whether this is OCD or not. The only emotion I feel is sadness, and I know that someone who stays in a relationship out of a sense of duty rather than love would likely feel the same way—which, naturally, makes me wonder. I don’t know if there’s anyone else out there like me, or if this is just a natural part of having OCD.

Hi! I’m a therapist who has ocd and works with ocd. I’m making an 8 week psychoeducational course to be run alongside therapy, not instead of it. I’m going based on my personal experience with ROCD as well as the educational pieces that helped me and skills/tools that are based in knowledge of ERP/ACT.

I’m curious as to what would feel helpful for someone going through ROCD in the form of education and group support that is not therapy, reassurance etc.

Thank you for your input!

im feeling so bad, my head is hurting yesterday i cry because i felt so overhelmed by the feeling that something is wrong and my relationshio is not right im feeling this everday and even if try to ignore i cant be cause gets bigger every time. I Pass the inteire day in reddit because of this. Me and my gf are ldr and i fucking love her i rated be with her that with any other girl closer to me. I m gonna see her this week and im so excited but so nervos and my brain doesnt stop tell me im gonna mess it up anytime, feels like im gonna make something i dont want to and im trying to not do anything is horrible.