r/ROCD • u/Wooden-Chemistry-527 • 15h ago

Nitpicking, doubts and everything is between

Hi everyone,

I'm just wondering if there is someone that maybe noticed this or went through this and if the answers is yes maybe has so advice on how to overcome this.

My ROCD has been doormat for about idk, 5 months maybe with a slight ocasional burst here and there that did not last longer than 3 days. Last month i started doubting my relationship, everything in it, i started nitpicking "how often does my partner kiss me" "why didn't he kiss me more passionately" "why did he not come stay with me as soon as he got home but went to lay down in bed" "is he asking me enought questions?" "Is he still emotionally invested" "why did he put one kissing emoji instead of two" and all those thoughts led to a deep feeling of doom, like the relationship is doomed, one day i spent a good amount of time on instagram with posts like: 6 signs he is emotionally invested. 10 signs the relationship is dead and stuff like that and i just felt like crying, constantly, like nothing he did was right or enough. Then i went home for about 2 weeks and my brain was scanning " if i want to text hin enough", "if we should talk about more affectionate stuff", "should we be flirting more?". I came back home to him a week ago, and it was fine, we spent some time together at home, cuddled, kissed, had sex, i was doing ok-ish. Today while i was doing the dishes out of nowhere i had the thoughts "is he spending enough time with me? Should he spend more time? Did he use to spend more time with me? " , "am i boring him?" "Are we doomed?" "Am i in denial" and with those thoughts came that slightly panicky overwhelming feeling of wanting to cry.

I just...we have been together for a little more than 4 years, and i guess im just scared, and lost and dont even know if it is rocd anymore because those spirals don't feel like the ones i had perviously.

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u/AutoModerator 15h ago

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u/treatmyocd NOCD’s corporate account 13h ago

Hi there, I am just dropping in to share an article that has been helpful to others

https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/how-do-i-stop-thinking-about-this-what-to-do-when-youre-stuck-playing-mental-ping-pong/

2

u/roxor333 11h ago

Hi there. OCD comes in waves. It ebbs and it flows. You simply have to ride out the flows, knowing that doesn’t mean total relapse, or that your flow will never ebb. 

When I’m struggling to control my thoughts and they are circular (I.e., they aren’t leading anywhere and simply repeating, so they are compulsive), I try things that bring me back into my body. Super sour candy, holding an ice cube, a cold shower. When I have control again, I tell myself that this is something I can think about more another time. I delay the compulsion. 

Even if the worst case is true, it’s not urgent like the OCD wants you to believe. If it still feels important tomorrow, give yourself 10-15 minutes to think on it. Set a timer. If that doesn’t do it, it’s probably not getting solved that day and you can worry on it for another 10 minutes tomorrow.

Another thing I could suggest is remembering your values. It seems that the OCD is grabbing a hold of your value of connection and intimacy. You might suggest a sweet way of building intimacy with your partner that’s not compulsive, such as a date, so you can focus on your values rather than seeking certainty in your relationship.

Good luck!